Breaking Free From Judgment: The Label Is Not The Person

Judgment creates separation, isolates us, and creates bitterness and resentment. Why do we prefer our pets, nature, and mountains? Because they don't judge us, we can finally be ourselves.

This meditation dissects how the mind constantly labels (Nama Rupa—name and form in Indian tradition). The problem isn't labeling itself, but believing the label IS the person.

You'll see why judgment is felt both ways—you judge, they feel it; they judge, you feel it. Why even compliments are judgments (you just happen to like those labels). Why we crave friends who make us feel whole, not special or unspecial.

The way out: recognize yourself as presence beyond all labels. Like the jeweler who sees only gold while the buyer sees 10,000 different ornaments.

You are not any label, period. You are the transparent, indescribable presence. When you're at home as a presence, everyone who comes near you feels at home too. This is love. This is friendship.

Transcript

Today we are going to dive into a very important topic,

The topic that creates separation between two people,

Isolates us,

Creates bitterness,

Resentment,

Shame and that is the feeling of being judged and the tendency to judge.

And what I am about to dive into is not an attack on you.

My intention here is to dissect the truth about our mind and in that dissection,

Understanding might happen,

The penny could drop,

We could get a glimpse of truth.

So don't consider this exploration as a way of feeling shame but as an opportunity to clean house,

Let go,

To learn about our minds,

Be open.

In the Indian tradition there is a concept of Nama Rupa which translates to name and form.

This obsession with name and form is what sows the seed for judgment and separation.

So two of our sensory inputs or sensory apparatus namely eyes and ears are the most prone to this pathology.

So let's get a bit technical so that we understand that this judging is the root of our suffering and also a feature of our mind if left unconscious and unintentional.

So you understand that we have a sense of sight and a sense of sound,

So we have our eyes and ears to see and hear.

But we also have a sense of sight and sense of hearing inside our mind,

The internal sense of sight and the internal sense of sound.

The only difference is that the sights and sounds happen inside the mind for the internal senses and for the external senses that is the eyes and ears,

The sense of sight and sound are from external sources.

But as an experience we are seeing and we are hearing,

Doesn't matter whether it is internal or external.

As a first person experience we see and we hear and what we see is forms,

Shapes.

Some are solid forms,

Liquid forms,

Physical forms,

The chair,

The wall,

Everything that is an objective experience through the sense of sight internal or external doesn't matter has a form.

The images that you see in your mind has a form,

That's why you can see them,

Whether it's a memory or an imagination doesn't matter,

It's a form.

And then we have the sense of hearing which is the name,

So whatever sounds you are hearing in your mind,

Through my mouth,

In your environment are all describing something,

They have a name,

They could be real,

Abstract,

True,

False,

Doesn't matter,

All words are names.

There is some association with that name to something,

But from our first person perspective all we have is name and form.

All names and forms are like the waves in an ocean,

They are separate,

They arise,

They stay,

They fall away.

Each one is distinct from the other one,

Each of my word is different,

That's why you can identify it,

You can communicate it.

Each of the objects is different that you are seeing,

The flowers,

The petals,

The stems,

Everything has a shape,

That's the beauty of diversity.

In the Indian tradition there is a way to explain this,

What I am trying to explain with an analogy.

If you are a buyer who goes to a jewellery store,

You will see 10,

000 jewellery items,

Chains,

Necklaces,

Bangles and all the fancy jewellery made out of gold,

Made out of silver.

But if you are the jeweller,

If you are the jeweller,

You see only gold.

And this is the basis of what we are going to explore,

That all names and forms are just like jewellery,

The substance is what matters,

The gold is that matters.

So our mind is programmed to categorise things,

Label things,

Label the name,

Label the forms with names and everything is distinct and you will see everything has a name and every name has a form.

If we don't have a name for it,

Then we will invent a name out of the scientist's name or the discoverer's name or the inventor's name and put it on it.

But everything that we perceive has a name and every name has a form.

So this is our programming that we have eyes,

We have ears that understand name and forms,

Which is not necessarily a wrong or a bad thing.

The problem happens where we understand or we misunderstand that the name and form are that thing.

So not only do we have a name,

We also have names for the attributes.

For instance,

If you were to describe me to someone,

You will say a middle-aged Indian man who is an engineer,

He teaches meditation,

He has such and such voice,

He has such and such style,

How tall I am,

How heavy I am,

It's just a way of description.

But all those descriptions are true at a relative level,

But that's not me.

It's a description of me to help someone visualize or find me somewhere.

It's a name and a form.

But that name and form is not me.

I know that.

But do I know that all the time?

Because somebody could describe me as arrogant,

Somebody could say he is ruthless,

He is inconsiderate,

He doesn't know his stuff,

Etc.

,

Etc.

,

Which are all names,

Which are all descriptions,

Which are all labels that the mind is slapping on,

Which is not necessarily a bad thing either.

You need something to describe.

The problem happens when the description is deemed to be true.

That is judgment.

As long as you are describing me to someone,

My style to someone,

How I look,

Etc.

,

That's understandable.

But the moment that description becomes mitesh,

The label becomes that thing,

That's when suffering starts for us and for others.

Either we are judged or we judge.

So if you observed your mind,

You will recognize that it is constantly labeling.

It is constantly attributing names to forms.

You are just going on a walk,

You are seeing someone's house,

It's so pretty.

Oh,

They have this cool thing.

Oh,

Their dog is so cute.

Oh,

I don't like how their lawn looks.

Why do they have so many lights?

What's so special?

So this is what the mind is constantly doing.

If you are driving,

Somebody is driving differently,

Like,

Are they stupid?

Why are they driving so fast?

Why are they driving so slow?

This is what the mind is doing,

Constantly labeling,

Putting names on forms.

And as a society,

What has happened is the labels have ballooned.

Every little thing has a label.

If you said this,

You are a racist.

If you did that,

You are woke.

If you said that,

Everything is captured into a word,

Into a name,

Into a label.

And those labels are not for description,

But they are as if the thing.

Some could be true,

True as in factual.

If you called me a bald person,

Yes,

I am balding.

If you said I speak in a monotonous tone,

Yes,

I speak in a monotonous tone.

I am a little hefty,

I am a little tall.

Yes,

Those are facts.

Others are opinions.

And from the mind's perspective,

Everything is a label.

And because we believe our mind so fully,

That anything our mind says,

We are sold on it,

Without verifying it.

Without verifying it.

If I said a few words differently,

You will call me mean.

That label will become me in your mind.

There is nothing wrong with labels.

It's when the labels are deemed to be that thing,

That person,

That event,

That's when separation happens.

Because the mind has labeled it,

We have believed in that label as mean,

Arrogant,

Racist,

Unfair,

Stupid,

Unkind.

All these things have an emotional charge because that's how the word has been constructed.

If you didn't know English,

For you unkind would just be gibberish.

But because we live in a society where unkindness,

The word unkind,

Has so much emotional charge,

Slapping that label means something,

Communicates something,

And that meaning has a certain felt sense to it.

And that feeling separates us.

So let's say,

Now is the holiday season.

If you meet your family members,

Your uncle,

Your aunt,

Your cousin,

At a family gathering,

There is a perception of that uncle,

Aunt or cousin,

Based on what they have said in the past,

About you,

About the way you look,

About where you are in life,

Who you are dating,

Who you are married to,

How much money you have,

Where you live,

Whether you're dressed properly or not.

And you will feel that distance from them.

So these kind of labels and associated feelings about them become an invisible wall that separates us from the other person.

And the way this feeling is communicated to us is either through words,

Somebody says it directly,

Or passive-aggressively,

Or sarcastically,

Or sometimes they don't say it,

But they look at you differently.

Because imagine if your mind is constantly weaving labels,

And if their mind is constantly weaving labels,

Each label has a feeling,

And they are feeling that feeling when they are seeing you,

The way you are dressed,

The way you look,

Etc.

Once they have slapped a label,

They feel that way.

And once they feel it,

You sense it.

We don't have access to other people's thoughts.

We don't have access to other people's feelings,

But there is something magical that we can feel what the other person is feeling through empathy,

Through mirroring neurons.

That's why if you are with certain people who are peaceful,

You will feel peaceful around them.

If they are angry,

And even if they are not saying anything,

You will feel yourself becoming angry.

That's how feelings are communicated.

So judgment is felt both ways.

You judge,

The other person feels it.

The other person judges,

You feel it.

Judgment is nothing else but the belief that the label is the other person.

Although judging is exclusively used for negative labels,

Judging is also positive.

Oh,

You are beautiful is a judgment.

It just happens that you like it.

You like that label on yourself,

You don't mind that label on yourself.

I'm not saying we shouldn't compliment people about their beauty,

About their courage,

About their meticulousness.

I'm saying how the label is not them.

And for this to hit home,

You have to realize that you are not any labels.

You are the presence.

You are the awareness listening to my words.

You are the witness of your experience.

All labels belong to name and form.

You are the transparent presence that is beyond name and form.

All names and forms arise in you.

Just like all waves arise in the ocean,

Distinct from each other,

They each make their own sound of arising and crashing.

Eventually,

It's all the ocean.

Just like that.

Everything is arising in you.

But you are the ocean,

You are the presence in which everything is arising.

Right now,

You can notice that you are hearing my words.

My words are arising in your experience,

In your awareness,

In your presence.

And the moment they arise,

They crash and disappear.

Never to be seen again.

And we don't like this feeling of being separate because deep down we know.

We know for sure that this label is not me.

I am not separate.

That's why whenever we feel judged,

That's a terrible feeling.

That's a very isolating,

Dirty feeling.

And that's why we prefer spending our time with our pets,

Our animals,

In nature,

In mountains,

On a beach.

Because we don't get that feeling there.

We can be ourselves,

As quirky as we are,

And our pets are not going to put a label,

Feel that way and communicate that feeling with us.

The mountains are not going to put a label on us.

The water is not going to put a label on us at the beach.

And when we go meet some wise people,

We instantly feel at home with them because there is no judgment.

You are not anyone bad or unspecial,

But neither are you special.

You are just like them,

Ordinary.

That's a sign of a great teacher or a great philosopher.

They don't treat you any differently.

You are not special or unspecial.

We crave that.

We crave those kind of friends.

We crave those kind of people.

We crave those vacations in the mountains at the beach or those walks in the parks.

Because we want to feel whole.

We want to break free from the labels that describe us,

That identify us.

The way out of this is to recognize yourself as the presence.

Once we see ourselves as the presence that we are,

The transparent,

Untouchable,

Indescribable presence that we are,

We can see the other person as the indescribable presence that they are.

It doesn't mean that we have to agree with their actions.

We have to like how they look,

How they speak,

What they speak.

The point is to remove the substance of separation from them.

We can still label.

The mind is born for labeling.

Mind cannot handle indescribable,

Formless things.

That's why most of us have difficulty understanding abstract art because it's formless.

We want shapes.

We want names.

So we cannot change the mind's nature of labeling.

But we can change our attitude,

Our understanding that the label is not that thing.

The name is not that thing.

The name Mitesh is not Mitesh.

I am Mitesh.

Name is only for me to tell you how to identify me.

But when I am alone,

I am not Mitesh.

Same is true about you and same is true about the other person.

No matter how they look,

No matter what their actions are,

No matter who they are married to,

No matter what their education,

What school,

How they are dressed,

Doesn't matter.

It matters at a relative level but at an absolute level it doesn't matter.

Your connection with them runs far deeper.

Presence connecting with presence,

That's love,

That's friendship.

That's what you connect to in the forest,

At the beach,

With the water,

With your pets.

The dog that you love so dearly,

It's not because it's a dog.

It's because the presence in you is connecting with the presence in them.

You don't identify yourself with any positive or negative labels and the dog obviously doesn't.

Many times,

I don't judge is what I have heard people say.

But I have also observed that they don't pay attention either.

Love involves presence.

For you to be present,

The only way the mind will not judge is if it is not present.

If you are so deeply lost in your thoughts that you don't even notice,

Of course you will not judge the other person,

But that doesn't mean you are present to them.

And once you are present,

You can observe it for yourself that the mind is constantly chopping things up into labels,

Into categories,

Into likes,

Into dislikes.

Even if it is not necessary,

The mind is constantly going on judging.

The root is that we believe that the labels are me or the labels are them or the labels are it.

The labels are merely labels.

The labels are merely waves.

The feelings that separate us are based on differences.

And differences are inevitable because everyone of us is living a unique life.

Everyone of us is different.

Just like every leaf on a tree is different.

All of our fingerprints are different.

The way we look is different.

All of us are living such a unique life.

Differences is what makes it unique.

Presence is what makes it the same.

As long as you are the buyer in a jewellery store,

You will see different kinds of jewellery.

Once you become the jeweller,

You will see only gold,

You will see only presence.

Then when anyone comes to you,

Near you,

Around you,

At your house,

In your company,

They will feel at home because you are at home as presence.

You are not fighting labels within your mind.

You are not trying to prove someone that you are not this label,

In fact,

I am some other label.

You are not the label,

Period.

Any label,

Period.

Just like you find,

If you are a dog person,

You will find any and all dog cute.

Any and all dogs cute.

Because you are not looking at the dog.

You are seeing the dog but you are actually seeing the presence in them.

Your heart is open.

Your heart is closed with people is because of the labels.

And because the other people who are judging you are not listening to these words,

These words are only for you.

For you to dissolve your labels for yourself and for others.

When I say dissolve the labels,

I mean dissolve the trueness of those labels.

Those labels can stay as waves as long as you know that the label is not you and the label is not them.

No matter what they have said to you,

Their words cannot hurt you because you are the presence.

We have to understand the tendency of our mind to label.

And believe that label to be that thing.

And once we see through this facade,

Through this illusion,

Through this self-hypnosis,

Your eyes will never be the same again.

You see through one label,

You see through the falseness of one label,

You see through the falseness of all labels.

Yes,

The mind might rebel because it has spent so many years hating that person,

Disliking that person.

Why should I like them now?

They have done this,

This,

This to me.

They have said all these things.

And that's your freedom to listen to your mind,

Go with your mind.

But it is also your freedom to see the truth,

Truth about who you are,

Truth about who the other person is.

It's your freedom to see the gold and it's your freedom to see the ornaments made with gold.

What you see is what you get.

One has separation,

The other has love.

The freedom is yours.

Thank you.