Anger Vs. Becoming Angry: Understanding The Physics Of Anger

Anger shows up automatically when the preconditions are met—like physics. But becoming angry is a choice you didn't know you had.

This meditation explores the difference between anger (inevitable sensations that grip you) and becoming angry (what you do with those sensations). Most of us have rehearsed becoming angry so thoroughly that it feels automatic.

You'll discover why anger arises, what it represents, and how to practice enduring intense sensations without losing yourself. Through controlled discomfort (cold showers, skipped coffee, hunger), you can train yourself to take a step back.

The second part addresses forgiveness—not for them, but to release the unprocessed hurts, making you tender and susceptible to blowing up. Holding grudges doesn't punish them; it only ensures your continued suffering.

This is an act of grace: hearing these words means the freedom is no longer unconscious. It's now a choice.

Transcript

I've spent most of my childhood and most of my adulthood with the label angry short-tempered caustic As my anger has subsided over the years I've recognized how painful it is Although whatever I'm going to say has no scientific basis but it is very true in my own experience and hopefully you will find value in it One of the most intense ways in which we suffer is anger the other being sadness from slight irritation to a full-blown episode we suffer anger in all its flavors Initially I thought anger is only a problem for me and my family we are the angry bunch but later I realized that it's pretty common The level of damage anger causes to the mind,

To the body to our relationships is unparalleled Some of us express it violently some of us channel it and some of us suppress it Either way,

There is tremendous damage So,

What is anger?

How does it arise?

What does it represent and what can we do about it?

I don't want to get into how to control anger Instead,

I want to focus on understanding and recognizing our role in it and out of it So,

What is anger?

It is an intense reaction to a stimulus maybe something that we have perceived or thought of perceived through our five senses,

Especially with our eyes and ears or sometimes we can think about something and it shows up And anger is also a precursor to violence How does it arise?

Simply put,

It arises when something we wholeheartedly dislike meets whatever it is that we dislike And some of this dislike might be conscious,

Obvious whereas sometimes,

If not most of the times,

It could be unconscious Think of anger arising out of what we dislike meets our dislike Just like if you bring two ends of a magnet to the north pole of each there is reaction and it shows up Just like physics If you put whatever you dislike in front of what that dislike is about there will be anger The intensity varies per person,

Per event,

Per activity,

Per thought This is important to understand because there is a difference between anger and becoming angry and we'll get into it more Anger is automatic When the preconditions are met,

There is anger Whatever life you have lived,

20,

30,

40,

50 years there are a lot of things that have piled on Few are known and obvious,

Most are not so much We can't do anything about the life we have already lived We can't do much about whatever we have experienced and piled on And we can't do much about what shows up If something we dislike shows up on account of its own nature and it meets our triggers that are a result of our life anger is bound to happen Not to mention,

We all have an animal within us So what I'm saying is that anger is an outcome of its preconditions being met Just like clouds form that are eventually going to shower rain Anger is a dark cloud that forms when the right preconditions are met Now anger shows up as intense sensations in our body It's like a wave of hot sensations taking over and we lose ourselves It's like if your clothes suddenly catch on fire the first thing would be to get rid of them That's what we try to do with anger We try to get rid of it through our mouth,

Through our hands,

Through our legs Whatever it is So what does this anger represent?

Anger is these sensations that show up And although they show up on their own accord Becoming angry represents our inability to handle those sensations Hopefully you see the choice of words that I have between anger and becoming angry Anger shows up Becoming angry unfortunately is a choice which seems implausible when I say it But if you zoomed in when you get angry you might be able to see the truth of these words So whatever it is,

That trigger of whatever you are seeing,

Whatever you are hearing or whatever you are thinking that triggers something in us and makes the anger appear results in these intense sensations which we cannot just handle And when we cannot handle it,

We become angry And trying to control anger or handle anger in an intense situation is one of the hardest things we can try to do So it's best to prepare beforehand That's why this exploration needs to be done in peaceful time when the mind and body is open to understanding some truth about ourselves These sensations just grip us almost instantaneously when the contact between the trigger and something in you comes together Once you become angry it's like a snowball effect It has already started rolling down It has to find its own dissolution Sometimes we have to apologize and make amends Sometimes we have to clean up our mess and sometimes irreparable damage is caused So the best is to nip it in its bud So what I would recommend is to find our sore spots those sensitive topics that we intensely dislike because these topics we know about them We can't do anything about the triggers that we don't know about but this we can Some words,

Some phrases,

Some actions memories of a certain person and their actions or places are unprocessed It won't be a bad idea to in a controlled environment process them to recognize the deadness of that event It's no longer here and it should no longer control you and your life now And it is important to understand that becoming angry doesn't serve much purpose in life It has next to zero value in a civilized society The human aspect in us that which is listening,

Understanding needs to tame the animalistic tendencies in us As I said,

Anger is inevitable and of course the practice of becoming angry is so rehearsed that it has become second nature to us at this point So peeling it off will be extremely painful So it's important for us to recognize that Becoming angry is not helpful Whether anger shows up or not is not in our hands Becoming angry is a choice For instance let's say the triggers and the preconditions are present when you are in front of your boss or you are in public there is an intense gripping of anger that happens to you But in that moment because you recognize that you are in public and you can't be angry you endure those sensations and then you go home Think about it Bring anger back and then you become angry So in that moment I hope you have seen the choice that we have of becoming angry or not We have endured it,

In the moment we have endured those sensations but out of helplessness,

Not out of wisdom So we bring it back,

We want to give it back So we bring it back Because we think this is unprocessed How can I let this go?

And if this is something that our loved one has done to us Oh my God We remember it,

We find an opportune time to bring it up and unleash Because somehow we feel that if we did not become angry if we did not give it back,

The other person gets away scot-free That's the monologue or philosophy the mind has about becoming angry It is justified No matter what it does to your immune system,

Your mind your peace the animal wants it We can have a civil conversation about it If we wanted to We can leave the situation,

Go for a walk until the sensations leave our body All those choices of not becoming angry are available if we wanted to Nothing ever Nothing fruitful ever comes out when you are angry either through your mouth or through your actions For those who do want to practice this choice and would like to go through it in a controlled environment what I would recommend and please use your judgment in trying any of these is to recreate intense sensations in our body like taking a cold shower dipping your hands in iced water going out in 100 degrees weather tolerating a little bit of hunger or if you skip your coffee and the headache that follows if you tolerate it all these will facilitate intense sensations in our body not quite like anger but very close and all you need to do is not lose yourself in these sensations understand that they will come and go you can take a walk you can close your eyes,

You can focus on your breath or you can simply take a step back and let it unfold so as to practice being comfortable with discomfort because no matter how dramatically I am describing the gripping of sensations it's nowhere close to a migraine headache or a toothache yes,

It's intense but it's not painful easy for me to say it but I want you to see it so in this exercise I am not asking you to avoid anger instead I am asking you to endure anger without becoming angry by taking a step back dissociating disengaging ourselves from those sensations and taking a step back just like you would if you were in public but without being helpless this option of stepping back is one of the most intimate freedoms that we have that we don't exercise intimate and unconscious freedom that we have you are probably going to hate me for saying the next few words as long as you are not aware of this freedom that is,

As long as this is unconscious freedom all your past actions,

All your past anger is absorbed under the category of ignorance you didn't know you didn't know you had freedom to not engage but now that you have heard these words the freedom is no longer unconscious it is conscious,

It's a choice and the more you see it as a choice the more conscious this freedom becomes it blossoms and again I am not trying to shame you by pointing to this freedom I am actually trying to wake you up wake you up to your own freedom reminding the deepest part of you of this intimate freedom the awareness in you once we understand anger,

Becoming angry and the whole nine yards there is something else that puts this puzzle together and that is forgiveness anger is a response to other people's actions,

Words your own actions,

Your own words,

Thoughts that are stored as unprocessed hurts inside your mind and these pockets of hurts h-u-r-t-s they make you tender and ginger in those areas,

Making you susceptible to blowing up and because it's ginger and tender you don't want to see it you don't want to let it go either because if you let go of this hurt if you forgive the other person that happened to be the trigger the other person gets away with it that would mean you lost so we continue to hold on to it we continue to hold on to this tenderness this hurt suffering under the radar and suffering intensely when things blow up all because of this weird idea that if you forgive you would lose the battle because we don't have a closure,

We continue closure of an apology closure of amends,

Whatever it is because the mind doesn't have that it doesn't forgive and holds on to it in the process we attribute malice and ill-intention to other people's actions that cause us hurt and anger you're again going to hit me for the next words do you really think someone can become angry consciously intentionally it is a by-product of ignorance just like your actions and words are absorbed as ignorance,

Same could apply to other people of course I will answer your mind's objection that if you apply this understanding of absorbing as ignorance then again the other person gets away with it and isn't there consequence of their actions how can the consequence of someone's actions be your suffering not only do we suffer we want to spread the suffering because the other person should not be let go I want you to understand that for you to hear these words in such an environment in such a way is an act of grace and I'm not considering myself as the one giving grace it's just grace that is helping us hear these words understand these words that most people are not ready for so suffering for them will continue can continue for you too or not because of the sheer fact that you have heard these words there is a glimpse that you have had of your freedom that is precious so when we see this ignorance in us we can't help but see the ignorance in others as well if we are open open to letting go of our own suffering it's not about the other person if you still have doubts let's do a little thought experiment think of the person that has caused you the most hurt think of the person you are extremely angry with and now imagine that you get a text message from someone telling you that this person who has hurt you and you are extremely angry with has a mental disease of schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder and this has been the case for the last 25 years would you still be mad at them and I am not asking you to reframe the situation with this hypothetical thought experiment all I am trying to do with this thought experiment is to make you recognize that there is a way where you can forgive if you wanted to you just don't have a reason yet to forgive that convinces your mind your own suffering is tolerable but you need reason we are not angry with kids infants when they say things do things we don't get angry with them because it's easy to forgive them because deep down we are sure that they did not intend to hurt us it could be true about kids it could be true about specially abled people it could be true about medical cases as well but the only way we can forgive or not mind is when we know that they did not intend to hurt us and let me break this news to you that no one intends to be angry it happens like physics anger shows up and out of ignorance you lose yourself and you act and they act and as I said the life you have lived is responsible for your triggers the life the other person has lived is responsible for their triggers and that could be coming from their parents or their parents' parents the society n number of things and as long as the unaware life is the default state animalistic behavior is the default state no one chooses no human being voluntarily chooses to be animalistic and that's your window into forgiveness and I am not saying that we should forget what the other person did all I am saying is to see the unawareness of yourself and others and to start recognizing our own freedom in becoming angry the situation doesn't change the actions the consequences of those don't change but at least we can decide not to suffer and when you start walking the path of not becoming angry you will realize that this could be one of the hardest things to do now can you imagine someone who is not even trying because they don't have this understanding that you do they haven't even started walking the path of not becoming angry it is next to impossible so I am asking you to forgive the ignorance and we need to understand that the context of our life is the context of our life and we have to operate within this paradigm when you encounter a wild dog you will put them on a leash or distance yourself or give them to the authorities that's what you will do with people who you come in contact with choose the action that is necessary but can you be open to the possibility that it is not intentional that doesn't mean there is no responsibility I completely agree with you there is responsibility of actions and words but at least we won't suffer with the false notion that they intended malice towards us can you loosen the hold of the mind for revenge for holding on and not letting go so this is a two step process one is to understand about your own anger when it comes up,

How to disentangle and allow it to pass maybe practice intense sensations if you want to and the other is allowing it to pass whatever your past or current hurt is it was all out of ignorance I am not saying you have to act normal as if nothing happened I am saying that you don't have to be angry in the process thank you