Three Layers Of Forgiveness

Forgiveness takes courage — real courage — and this meditation comes from what I’ve learned through teachers Jack Kornfield and Bhante Vimalaramsi. The practice is simple. You repeat a few phrases, place a hand on your heart, and let yourself touch the places that still feel tight. You’re not erasing the actual memory, but softening the pain that you've been holding. You’re noticing what you’ve been carrying and giving it a chance to loosen.

We’ve all hurt others, and we’ve all been hurt. We’ve all kept old pain alive in ways we didn’t mean to. And we also have the capacity to meet that pain with warmth. Often, what we call “lack of joy” or “lack of love” is really just unresolved hurt that hasn’t been given any air. Rumi said the work isn't to find love, but to look at the barriers we've built that stop us from feeling love.

This practice has helped me soften those barriers in my own life. I hope it meets you in a helpful way.

Transcript

So in this practice we are going to do a forgiveness meditation.

And forgiveness is traditionally where you start the heart practices.

So really opening up the heart.

And one reason for that is because if you look at other practices like gratitude or compassion or love and kindness It's really hard to fully experience and embody those feelings if we are still holding on to resentment from the past that we haven't forgiven.

So they say that forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past.

Which means that we are letting the past be the past and letting go of the emotional baggage that we are holding.

There's a couple of important things to know about forgiveness.

People often have some misconceptions.

And the first thing is that it doesn't mean that you condone any sort of harmful behavior if someone hurt you in the past or if you hurt yourself in some way.

It's not saying that those things were okay or acceptable.

So we shouldn't forget the lessons that we learned.

So it's not forgive and forget.

It's really just forgive.

We can acknowledge the hurt and also have wisdom to not repeat the same mistakes.

And we can let go of the emotional baggage that we are holding on to.

And also another thing to know is that it's a process and forgiveness takes time.

So in one meditation session you can definitely start to tap into that but it can take longer.

It can take days or weeks or months,

Even longer depending on how big and heavy the pain is.

So just take it at your own pace and know that it does take time.

And perhaps lastly,

It's common to experience other strong emotions when you start to practice this sort of meditation.

So you might feel anger coming up or resentment or fear and that's totally normal.

So when that happens,

You can turn towards whatever uncomfortable,

Challenging feelings might be there and just allow yourself to feel those.

Allow yourself to really feel whatever you're feeling without resistance,

Without pushing away or creating any more stories around it.

And when you do that for some time,

Then the feeling does start to pass through you and eventually comes to a more calm place and then it's easier to forgive.

So you can try this out and I will invite you to repeat a few phrases here in a few minutes.

And so all you'll do is repeat these phrases and just see where it takes you.

Alright,

So we'll go ahead and get started.

So please get comfortable wherever you're at.

If you're sitting in a chair,

Then making sure your feet are making contact with the floor.

Keeping your spine straight.

Chin slightly tucked in.

Shoulders relaxed.

Hands in a comfortable posture.

If you like,

You can gently close your eyes.

And just take a few nice deep breaths here.

Breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth.

And giving yourself as much time as you need.

Really just get comfortable and settled in.

Making any little adjustments you need to.

Noticing any sounds nearby or far away.

Noticing any smells perhaps,

Fragrances.

And starting to feel into your body more.

So sensing any temperature,

Heat or coolness.

Perhaps the air brushing against your skin.

Noticing the weight of the body,

Heaviness or lightness.

Seeing if you can actively relax any tension that you might be holding in the body right now.

The lower back,

The face,

Wherever else.

For a minute now,

Just connecting with your breathing.

So noticing your belly rising and falling.

Noticing your chest expanding and contracting.

And if the mind is busy,

That's totally okay.

You can just let the thoughts be there.

If there's any emotions or discomfort in the body,

You might just acknowledge that.

But keep your attention mainly focused on the breathing and everything else in the background.

So as we get started with the forgiveness,

I want to invite you to put one hand on your heart and one hand on the belly.

Really starting to touch into a more tender place.

And now remembering that there are many ways that you've hurt or harmed yourself.

Perhaps out of fear or pain,

Confusion,

Anger.

And you've carried this pain in your heart for long enough.

To the extent that you're ready,

You can set an intention here to offer your forgiveness.

And so I want to invite you to quietly repeat the following phrase over and over,

Quietly in your mind.

And this phrase is intentionally vague,

Meant to bring up memories.

So just repeat it,

Give it a few minutes.

Even if it feels a bit dry at first.

And whenever something comes up,

A situation or memory,

Just turn towards that and forgive.

And the phrase is,

I forgive myself for not understanding.

I forgive myself for not understanding.

I forgive myself for not understanding.

If the words feel dry or forced at first,

That's totally normal.

Just stay with the words.

For a few minutes.

And if English is not your native tongue,

Then you might try this.

And if the mind gets distracted by something else,

Just gently bring it back to the phrase.

Staying connected to any feeling in your body,

In particular your belly,

Your chest,

Your throat.

Sometimes the phrase will transform.

I forgive myself for being hard on myself.

Making mistakes.

Forgive myself for blowing up,

Getting angry.

Seeing how the phrase shifts and moves for you.

Wherever you're at,

We can try another phrase.

This time remembering the many ways others have hurt you,

Wounded you out of their own fear,

Their own pain and confusion and anger.

You've carried this pain in your heart for long enough.

To the extent that you are ready,

You can offer your forgiveness.

Remembering that we hurt each other out of our own ignorance.

Forgetting our fundamental interconnectedness with each other.

And you might repeat the following phrase.

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

And if there are any other feelings that come up of resentment or anger or anything else,

You might just turn towards that and let yourself acknowledge it and acknowledge the anger,

Whatever it is,

And just give yourself a minute or two to feel that in your body.

Seeing if you can just be with it.

Without any desire to change it.

Just allowing,

Welcoming,

Whatever emotions,

However big or small.

If it's too hard to forgive right now,

That's okay.

You might just say something like,

I want to forgive you.

I want it.

The intention is good enough.

I offer you forgiveness.

To those who have caused me harm,

I offer my forgiveness.

I forgive you.

And of course,

If you want to stay with this longer,

You might even pause the audio and just sit with it.

And after a few minutes,

You can switch the phrase one more time.

Remembering now that there are many ways in which you have hurt others in your life,

Whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Out of ignorance,

Pain,

Anger,

Confusion.

So you might offer the following words.

I ask for your forgiveness.

I ask for your forgiveness.

I ask for your forgiveness.

I ask for your forgiveness.

Letting these words touch your heart.

And connecting with this deep intention to forgive.

You did the best you could,

Knowing what you knew at the time.

We are all ignorant in some way.

It's time to let go of the past.

Allowing for any emotions to bubble up.

Any tears,

Movement,

Shaking.

Whatever the body wants to express.

The waves of memory and feeling ebbing and flowing like the tide.

So wherever you're at now,

I want to invite you to just let go of any phrases.

Let go of any focus on the breath or memories or anything at all.

And just sit quietly and notice the quality of presence that is here right now.

What is that like?

And lastly,

I just want to share a story to connect with our mysterious power of compassion and forgiveness.

That we all are capable of.

Imagine walking along a sidewalk with your arms full of groceries.

And someone roughly bumps into you so that you fall and your groceries are strewn all over the ground.

As you rise up from the puddle of broken eggs and tomato juice,

You are ready to shout and scream.

What's wrong with you?

Are you blind?

But just before you can catch your breath to speak,

You see that the person who bumped into you actually is blind.

He too has sprawled out in the spilled groceries on the floor.

And your anger vanishes in an instant.

To be replaced by sympathetic concern.

Are you hurt?

Can I help you up?

Our situation is like that.

And when we clearly realize that the source of disharmony and misery in the world is ignorance.

We can open the door of wisdom and compassion.

So,

Thanking yourself for taking this time out.

A really simple and often challenging practice.

Thanking yourself for turning towards this pain and suffering.

And starting the process of really letting that go.

And remember that it is a process.

So whatever happened,

You know,

A lot of people realize through this meditation.

Oh wow,

There's so much I have to forgive.

Or it's so hard.

And that's totally normal.

So rest assured that forgiveness is very,

Very possible.

We are all capable of it.

And it takes time.

Give yourself the space and time and come back to this meditation frequently.

And just keep the process going.

And so when you're ready,

I want to invite you to take a couple of nice deep breaths in and out through your nose.

Starting to bring a little movement to the ankles and the wrists.

Maybe even rolling the shoulders.

And if anything big came out today,

Then I really want to invite you to take it easy.

Go for a walk or get some fresh air if you can.

Get the body moving at least.

Do something fun.

Do something you enjoy.

And I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

And looking forward to meditating with you next time.

Thank you.