Hi,
This is Lori from Mindful Return,
Sharing with you some thoughts on scarcity and abundance in our mindsets around working parenthood.
The day is too short to fit everything in.
I don't have enough money.
My kids are growing up too fast.
We don't get to spend enough time together.
My house is never clean.
There aren't enough exciting projects for me at work,
And I don't get any time alone.
We've had these thoughts about the state of our working parent days,
Haven't we?
If you've been following along with me and Mindful Return,
You know I can't pass up an opportunity to be the lawyer that I am and pull out my dictionary.
And if I'm planning to pontificate today about big words like scarcity and abundance,
Then back to Merriam-Webster Dictionary I go.
What is scarcity?
Scarcity is the state of being in short supply or a dearth.
What is abundance?
It's a very large quantity of something,
An ample quantity,
Profusion.
Okay,
So let's think about that.
Every single one of the sentences that I said earlier about my day being too short and not having enough money or time,
Those were all said from a place of scarcity,
Of not enoughness.
There's a short supply of time and money.
There's a dearth of interesting work.
But these things are true,
You will argue with me.
And to that I'll say,
Of course they are.
And then I'll ask you,
But what else is also true in your life as a working parent?
I often get asked what some of the biggest struggles are that new parents face when they head back to work after parental leave.
And one of them that always seems to top the list is having enough time in the evenings with their little ones.
Bedtime tends to be so early in that first year of life.
And there's often very little space between the end of a workday and the time when you're turning out the lights and putting baby to sleep.
There are many ways to make physical changes to the situation,
Of course,
Whether by negotiating flexibility with your employer to adjust your work hours,
If possible,
Or by adjusting baby's bedtime a little bit.
And there are ways to make mental shifts that can be equally powerful,
Even when you can't make physical changes.
Imagine yourself thinking the following two thoughts.
And pay attention to how your body feels when you think each of them.
First thought,
My baby is only awake for an hour when I go home,
If I'm lucky.
I don't get to see her all day and then I get home at night and it's already her bedtime.
It is not fair.
Option number two,
When I get home from work tonight,
I can snuggle my baby for as long as I want.
I can watch him sleep in my arms or in his crib.
And I can touch the soft skin on his forehead.
I can give him as many kisses as my heart desires.
Okay,
So both statements are true.
But which one feels better in your body when you read it?
Which one leaves you feeling sad and anxious?
Perhaps when you say these sentences,
Your thoughts even spiral out of control to some overwhelming guilt about how the short hour together is going to affect the well being of your child for the rest of the child's life.
Been there,
Thought that.
Contrast that with the other statement though.
Does it soften you?
Does it bring a smile to your face?
Does it reduce your anxiety and help you relax into the world and its abundance?
One of the biggest revelations I had as an overwhelmed new working parent was that viewing the world through a lens of scarcity or one of abundance was a choice.
No,
I didn't buy that idea initially.
My obligations didn't go away and my days didn't get any longer.
But wow,
Did the pressure of my to do list shift and my days started feeling more replete with extra time when I shifted my thinking.
I don't know about you,
But if the circumstances are the same either way,
I'd much prefer to think about them in a way that makes me feel better.
The words we choose both when we speak and when we think really,
Really matter.
A few years ago,
I got on the hashtag ban busy bandwagon and I gave up using the word busy as a descriptor for the state of my life.
Now if someone asks how I'm doing and things are flying in all directions,
I intentionally pause and say,
My life is full and good and full.
I don't feel whatever busy feels like because I don't use that word to describe myself anymore.
Vocabulary matters.
The direction we send our thoughts matters.
Reminding yourself that you are enough matters.
So for now,
Working parent,
Remember that you can indeed give your baby as many kisses as your heart desires.
There's such abundance and beauty in that knowledge,
Isn't there?
I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be true when that baby's a teenager,
At least while the baby is awake.
But for now,
It's as true as the sun's rising every morning.
You got this.
