Today I went for a walk in my local woods with my dog Fudge.
Fudge is gorgeous.
He looks like a fox and I love him to bits.
I visit this forest regularly
And often can walk for hours and not see another soul,
Which I love.
Fudge loves to have a roam around,
Sniffing everything and peeing everywhere.
As I was walking I heard a dog barking
And suddenly became aware of the signs of fear in my body.
For me the signs are tightness in my chest,
A clenching in the stomach
And a holding of the breath.
I wondered why.
My attention was drawn towards a sound of smaller dogs yelping then
And I noticed the fear had increased
And found myself second guessing my next move,
Wondering which way I should go.
I focused my attention on the sounds in my environment
To try keep myself in the present moment
And then noticed other sounds,
A helicopter,
Some crows,
An alarm.
I noticed that these sounds were reinforcing my fear.
The sound of the dog barking
Had created an image of a salivating German Shepherd guard dog,
Loose in the woods,
Ready to tear my poor little fudge apart.
The yelping dogs were small helpless dogs
This nasty German Shepherd had attacked.
The helicopter represented war.
The crows recalled for me a scene from some horror film I watched
As a teenager
And the alarm equalled crime,
A robber,
A criminal,
Someone out to cause harm.
Wow!
My mind had cobbled together images and memories from the past,
Connected them to these sounds
And gave me an absolute real life horror story
In my mind and body,
All underneath my radar,
Unconscious,
Stuff I had no awareness of.
So now,
Because my mind had made these connections
Of these sounds to war and danger,
My nervous system was on high alert
And my survival instinct was to get away from the sounds,
To protect fudge from the salivating German Shepherd
Who will tear him limb from limb
And from the crows who might try to pick out my eyes.
So I headed higher up the hill,
Away from the sounds.
As I walked I continued to bring more awareness
To what was going on within
And I was able to see what my mind had done,
What it had created inside me.
Although my friend the amygdala was trying to be helpful,
Seeking to offer me protection,
Warning me about these pending potential dangers,
I knew that for me just to take these warning signals as fact
Could be detrimental to my well-being.
And so from this space that I created,
From this place of awareness,
I was able to ask,
What's real right now Mandy?
What is your reality in this moment?
Is it probable that there is a war starting in your area?
Is it likely that a crow is going to come down
And peck your eyes out?
This space allowed my rational brain to get involved
Which told me,
No,
Neither of those things were likely.
And so then I was able to accept the actual reality
Which was that I was just walking in the woods with Fudge
And there were some noises around
And Fudge and me,
We were safe.
That was my reality.
This is what was really real.
And because I could see the mechanical workings of my mind,
The fear started to subside
Because I could remind myself of these actual real life facts.
You are okay Mandy.
There's nothing to fear in this moment.
And as I turned the next corner
And realised I had not walked away from the sounds
As I had thought I was doing
But had actually walked around in a circle
Towards a pack of snarling ferocious dogs.
And when I bumped into the savage herd,
I once again realised the power of the mind.
As Fudge launched himself into the pack of bloodthirsty hounds
Which actually consisted of a fluffy little poodle,
A well-groomed cockapoo and a geriatric labrador,
I smiled to myself and my hyper-vigilant,
Ever-helpful mind
As Fudge and the other friendly slobbery dogs
Had a doggy group hug
Or for them at least,
A lovely bum sniff.
I was reminded at how often
My fear has gone unnoticed in my body,
In my life,
There as an undercurrent,
Undetected,
Unseen,
Unknown,
Creating an environment that is unhelpful and unnecessary.
Rather than allowing this to be our background screen,
The foundation we live our lives from,
Could we allow ourselves a little space,
A noticing of the signs our bodies provide us
But then of the stories,
Connections,
Images that our mind has offered us as evidence
That this thing,
This sound,
This person,
This event means danger.
Space to question that evidence,
Investigate this proof that I need to be on high alert,
Examine the goods that your mind has offered you
As a signal to get ready for action.
Ask,
Is this real?
Is it likely?
How likely?
Where is this fear really coming from?
Is it valid?
Is it substantiated?
Maybe it is,
But then again,
Maybe it isn't.
Thank you.
