Hi,
This is Ron Levine from Mindfulness in Blue Jeans,
And this talk and guided session is part three of the Calming Your Inner Control Freak series.
And it's called The Limits of Control.
I chose that title because there are two ways to interpret it.
The obvious one is that there's only so much that we can control.
But the interpretation that I'd like to talk about now is the other one.
That control,
Even though we try to use it to gain our own freedom,
Itself becomes a limiting factor.
What do I mean by this?
Since we can't control everything,
We necessarily have to create boundaries for those things that we do want to control.
And we are then restricted to operating within those boundaries.
For example,
Imagine you're going out to start a car.
You can't actually control whether the car starts.
You can turn the key in the ignition,
Which lays an important piece of the groundwork for the car to start.
But there are still any number of factors that could interfere with the car actually starting.
There could be mechanical failure.
There could be a dead battery.
There could be sabotage.
You can't control for all those factors.
But what if you wanted to?
What if you actually wanted to control as fully as possible whether the car would actually start every time you turn the key in the ignition?
You would have to account for all of those scenarios and any other possible scenario all the time.
The vehicle would require maintenance around the clock,
Security cameras,
Constant testing,
A whole host of ongoing activities,
And an attempt to accomplish total control.
You are now confined by all of these requirements.
To exert total control over something,
You must have it in some kind of artificial restricted environment.
And to some extent,
You are necessarily bound and restricted within those same walls.
You are now confined.
You are literally experiencing the limits of control.
It's a very dualistic way of interacting with the world.
Attempting to maintain control automatically gives you the role of controller,
And your target,
Whether it's a person or a situation,
The role of the controlled.
It immediately introduces concepts of winning and losing,
Success and failure,
And because of the impossibility of controlling outside events,
It inevitably leads to suffering.
Even if we could accomplish total control,
Imagine how exhausting life would actually become at that point.
There's an old saying in sports that it's very hard to win a championship,
But it's even harder to keep it.
Even if you set up this dualistic interaction and win,
Once your offense has brought you to that winning point,
You now must continuously defend your position.
Your problems have only just begun.
Let's begin our guided practice focusing on more skillful control.
If you're seated in a quiet area,
Please have your hips elevated a bit above your knees.
Sit with a straight back,
Allow your shoulders to relax,
And imagine that you're suspended from the ceiling by a string on the top of your head.
Alert but relaxed.
If you don't feel relaxed right now,
That's fine.
Forcing relaxation is impossible,
And as such would be an example of an unskillful attempt at control.
So right from the beginning,
Let's see what's happening without trying to control or change anything.
Let's come to the breath first.
Maybe it feels good to you.
Maybe it doesn't.
Maybe it doesn't feel the way you think it should feel.
Perhaps you think it should be a meditative breath.
Whatever breath that you have right now that is naturally happening is your meditative breath.
Your practice is simply observing it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
A great way of seeing just how little is actually under our control is to observe the body.
Our bodies run themselves.
We don't control whether our heart beats.
We don't have to control our breathing.
It happens on its own.
We're constantly receiving perceptive input through our senses,
Which is being interpreted by our bodies before we're even able to consciously interpret it.
And while we can control some aspects of our thinking,
We don't control every thought that pops into our minds.
There are countless processes happening within our own bodies at every moment that are beyond our control.
Notice what the breath feels like if you just allow it to move on its own.
Are you able to bring attention to the breath without trying to control it?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Consider that you can't force a plant to grow.
The most you can do is set the conditions for growth.
You can plant seeds,
You can water the seeds,
You can place the plant in a place where it will receive sunlight,
But at some point you have to step back and allow growth to unfold naturally.
Planting seeds and then allowing growth to naturally unfold is an example of skillful control,
A mindfully directed intention and action.
Let's set an intention to spend the next few minutes observing the breath without trying to control it,
But also without trying to control ourselves from controlling it.
How simple can we keep this?
Let's just look at the breath exactly as it is.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sometimes we're so used to trying to exert control we don't even notice it anymore.
Perhaps you noticed yourself trying to control your breath,
Or trying to control yourself from controlling your breath.
Maybe with increased practice you may start to notice degrees of control that become more apparent.
The scope of what is actually under our control is quite small,
But when we exercise our control appropriately it has powerful ripple effects into the areas that are out of our direct reach.
I'm certainly not advising that we simply relinquish all control,
And shaping our habits around control is something that takes time and practice.
As we conclude,
Consider how you might take this practice off of the cushion.
Make a note to notice three times today when you're trying to exert control.
Could be with a loved one,
Out in traffic,
At work,
Perhaps just with yourself.
Notice what you're trying to control.
Is it something you actually really can control?
Is it something within you,
Or something outside of you?
Are you expending your energy wisely by trying to exert this control,
Or might there be a better way?
There's no need to necessarily change anything.
Just notice those moments,
And allow your growth process to unfold.
With practice,
We can begin to release our perceived need for unskillful control,
And with it,
Many of our self-imposed limits.
This is Ron from Mindfulness in Blue Jeans,
And thank you for sitting with me.
