Short Circuiting Our Suffering

Are you concerned about your happiness (or lack of happiness)? Is there a civil war happening inside of you? Or do things somehow just feel out of alignment between your inner and outer worlds? It is not a coincidence that we have more (of everything!) than our ancestors could have possibly imagined, yet our suffering seems to only increase. In this short talk and guided meditation, we first shine light on the surprisingly basic cause of suffering, then practice simple techniques to prevent it at the source. With practice and clear seeing, we may unearth the true roots of our human condition; this is the way to freedom.

Transcript

Hi,

This is Ron from Mindfulness in Blue Jeans,

And this talk and guided session is called Short-Circuiting Our Suffering.

I had originally called it,

Dissatisfaction is Our Birthright,

And I'll explain what I meant by that.

Several years before I started my meditation practice,

I was a social psychology major in college,

And I spent a fair amount of time thinking about some of the paradoxes of human behavior and the ways that we often get in our own way.

For a while I kept a journal cataloging my ideas and theories,

And oftentimes I would just let the pen flow in a stream of consciousness.

I remember one particular instance where I had been writing very quickly,

And when I finished,

I stopped to go back and take a look at what I had just written and came upon a particular phrase that I hadn't really thought much about when I wrote it,

But it jumped out at me when I went back to reread it.

Partially because it was a hilariously self-evident statement,

But it implied something far deeper.

In a long stream of consciousness about human desire,

I wrote this,

We want what we don't have,

Because we don't have to want what we do have.

Now on the surface,

That sounds so obvious and so self-evident that it's kind of silly.

It's ridiculous.

Of course we want what we don't have,

And we don't have to want what we do have.

But I kept rereading it and thinking,

What did I even mean by that?

Why would I write something that doesn't seem much more informative than saying 2 plus 2 equals 4?

I slowly started to realize that the implication of that statement is that regardless of what we have,

We are going to want.

It doesn't matter how much we get.

Wanting as a thing doesn't stop.

It may pause for a bit when we get something that we've been wanting,

And we're temporarily happy or satisfied,

But even if we keep that object or that relationship or whatever it is,

We eventually habituate to it.

We get used to it.

We always work our way back to that equilibrium,

That baseline state.

Several years later,

Once I'd started my practice and was researching Theravada Buddhism,

I found out that my grand insight was not all that new.

The historical Buddha,

2500 years ago,

Described what were called the Three Kalesas,

Which are the roots of human suffering.

Those are commonly translated as greed,

Hatred,

And delusion.

Greed refers to grasping for or clinging to things that we want.

Hatred is the flip side of this,

Things that we push away,

Things that we don't want,

Things that we try to run away from.

Delusion refers to unclear seeing,

Not seeing reality as it actually is.

Those first two,

Greed and hatred,

Arise out of dissatisfaction.

The Buddha taught about suffering and how to bring an end to suffering.

Dissatisfaction is the common cause of suffering.

Dissatisfaction is a feeling of wanting things to be other than the way they are.

Now why do I say that dissatisfaction is our birthright?

Well dissatisfaction is the classic case of you can't live with it,

You can't live without it.

We are here today surviving as a species because of dissatisfaction.

Those of our ancestors who were dissatisfied with the way things were,

Are the ones who survived.

They saw problems.

They worked to fix problems.

They are the ones who hunted,

They defended,

They procreated,

They thrived,

And they survived.

Without being able to experience dissatisfaction,

None of that would have happened.

If we could not experience dissatisfaction,

We wouldn't get anything done.

Dissatisfaction is the greatest motivator we have.

And we here today are the product of tens of thousands of years of human evolution,

Where those who were the most dissatisfied,

Most often survived,

And passed that trade along.

Where this becomes especially fascinating these days is that we've created a world full of comfort for ourselves,

And yet we are not wired to be able to simply and permanently enjoy it.

Dissatisfaction has never come with an off switch.

It doesn't matter how much comfort we are able to generate for ourselves,

We are wired to become dissatisfied.

And it's fascinating to watch how we continue to become dissatisfied and find new ways to become dissatisfied with so many of our needs being met in ways that our ancestors could not possibly have imagined.

There's an old saying that pops up in Buddhist texts sometimes that says,

Were there a mountain made entirely of gold,

Doubled,

It would not be enough to satisfy a single person.

And this is the kind of effect that we are observing when we see very rich people who cannot stop trying to make more money,

Or when a country has enough firepower to destroy the rest of the world eight times over but continues building more weapons.

The whole concept of enough is a moving target.

When you get more,

Enough will move the goalpost out further.

A phrase that I'm fond of saying is that the quickest way to meet your demons is to not get what you want,

And the second quickest way is to get it.

If you're unable to get something that you desire,

You will be confronted with a lot of energetic feelings.

But if you do get what you want,

You'll still get confronted with those feelings.

It'll just take a little longer.

So now that I've thoroughly depressed everyone,

What's the good news?

Well,

The good news is that you experience dissatisfaction.

That's great.

That is what is going to allow you and motivate you to improve.

We don't need to destroy dissatisfaction.

Trying to do so would be an expression of dissatisfaction about dissatisfaction.

But we can skillfully observe it and work with it.

Let's practice with that now.

As always,

You can take your practice off of the cushion,

But if you are seated in a quiet place right now,

Please sit with your back straight,

Your hips elevated slightly higher than your knees.

You can be seated on a meditation cushion,

On a chair,

Whatever's comfortable.

Allow the parts of your body that aren't holding you up to release.

If they're not ready to release just yet,

That's fine.

You might imagine that you're being suspended by a string from the ceiling that's attached to the top of your head.

Alert,

But without any extra tension.

As we usually do,

Let's begin with the breath.

Observe how it is coming in and going out.

See its length,

Its depth.

Perhaps it's very long,

Perhaps it's very short.

It might be deep,

It might be shallow.

And this is a really good starting point to explore dissatisfaction.

It's typically very difficult to observe the breath without judging its quality or trying to shape it somehow.

We often begin our meditation sessions by coming to the breath and immediately trying to make it the way that we think it should be for a meditation session.

That's a perfect example of dissatisfaction.

Let's take a moment to look at the breath exactly as it is.

We're not doing the breathing.

The breathing is simply happening.

This procedure all by itself is enough to sustain an entire practice.

We receive messages constantly our entire lives encouraging us to be in control.

Trying to observe a process that is central to our survival,

Like breathing,

Without trying to exert control over it can raise all kinds of conflicted feelings.

Anything from fear to anger to anxiety.

These are all expressions of dissatisfaction,

Of wanting things to be other than they are.

Simply by sitting with the breath as it is and observing our relationship to that,

We may experience and be able to work with our dissatisfaction.

This is the essence of mindfulness.

Mindfulness means accepting that some experiences are unpleasant without getting caught up in them emotionally or trying to push them away.

It's very likely that a lot of thoughts are arising.

This could be considered a sign of dissatisfaction.

Perhaps a form of escaping the dissatisfaction.

Perhaps an instance of being bored by the breath.

If we expand the focus of our attention just a bit,

What signs do we see that might indicate dissatisfaction?

Perhaps a physical reaction.

Perhaps getting caught up in daydreams.

I'd like to remind you at this point that we're not trying to kill dissatisfaction.

Dissatisfaction is here to help.

You may be experiencing a healthy,

Functional dissatisfaction.

One that's going to help you make a necessary change.

Maybe you're feeling a dissatisfaction that you think you shouldn't be feeling.

Feeling dissatisfied with what you have but then thinking,

Oh,

But other people have so much less.

I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Let's leave all that aside for a moment.

We aren't defending or berating our feelings of dissatisfaction.

We're just noting that they're there.

We're giving them a seat at the table.

We're listening to their feedback.

And we're adjusting our relationship with them.

One of the things that we find after we've worked with our dissatisfaction in this manner for a while is how exhausting it is to constantly be a slave to those feelings and their demands,

Regardless of whether they're skillful.

Working through this process on a sustained basis helps us discern when and how to skillfully respond to our dissatisfaction instead of blindly reacting.

Our dissatisfaction is something we can listen to.

It is giving us messages that are necessary.

It helps us discern our comfort zone.

And it allows us to work with and expand our comfort zone.

If we're not comfortable with how the breath is today,

Or perhaps we're starting to experience discomfort from sitting in the same position for a while,

Or you may even be feeling dissatisfaction because you had a goal or an agenda for your practice that you feel like is not being fulfilled,

You may be experiencing a lot of resistance.

The good news is that is your practice.

If you are observing those things that are arising,

Including a dissatisfaction with your practice,

That is your practice.

You are doing it right,

Even if it doesn't feel that way.

This is simply the process of sitting and making space for our own internal expression.

We're inquiring,

We're listening,

And over time we're learning.

We can't escape pain or get rid of dissatisfaction,

But it's our unskillful reaction to it that causes our suffering.

Practicing these techniques of opening and listening to the dissatisfaction rather than trying to push it away is how we short-circuit our own suffering.

Let's breathe for a few more moments and open to that.

As we conclude,

You might think about how it's felt to open to dissatisfaction instead of simply reacting to it.

You may begin to incorporate this into your daily life off of the cushion and see how it affects your thoughts,

Your feelings,

Events that happen,

How other people react to you.

This is where we get to see and enjoy the results of our practice.

Dissatisfaction has a lot to say,

And it's okay to listen.

This is Ron from Mindfulness in Blue Jeans,

And thank you for sitting with me.

Reviews

That explained a lot ! We are never satisfied and that is a good thing ! Much love and gratitude to you for this explanation ! ❤️🙏

Good work Ron. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
Namaste 🙏 and blessings on your journey

Thanks Ron for making this so simple & effective. I had to give myself permission to look dispassionately at my dissatisfaction. In pondering my own dissatisfaction I found underlying thoughts, feelings & motives. Good stuff!

Profound insight into dissatisfaction presented in a very clear, matter-of-fact voice. I found the straight-forward approach to the meditation portion refreshing without belaboring the setup or lulling me to sleep with too dreamy a tone of voice.

Thank you for your wisdom regarding dissatisfaction which I hadn’t realized!❣️🙏

Nicely done Ron. This awareness will help me shift any number of experiences throughout my day and life as well.

I find we often take an adversarial stance toward those thought processes that have served us well evolutionarily. I found this talk to be a clearly articulated description of the freedom available when we come to know - and even appreciate these, and how, in doing so, these otherwise unconscious influences lose their power over us. Thank you. 🙏

Thank you for this educational and very informative meditation on dissatisfaction and mindfulness. Thank you so much!

Very well presented!

What a wonderful perspective and practice! Transformative and freeing! Thank you 🙏

Very unique point of view. Iam taking the advise. Thank you!

Wonderful and delivered to me at the perfectly right time. Thank you!

Thank you Ron. You framed dissatisfaction perfectly. 🙏🏼😌

Very intelligent listen. I felt a bit of release and easiness knowing it's ok to want.

Another thought-provoking talk/meditation from Ron. I’m quickly learning that one cannot grasp all he has to offer in a session with just one listen. I’ve found that I can repeatedly listen, and even with or without a particular situation in mind, I enjoy new epiphanies with each session. His voice invites immediate connection and his use of anecdotes & metaphors makes absorption of his teachings enjoyable. Really looking forward to more talks! Thank you, Ron, and Namaste. 🌿🕊

Excellent! Very enlightening and just what I needed to start my day on the right path! Thanks Ron!

Excellent guided meditation on wanting and dissatisfaction! Ron’s knowledge of Buddhism really shines here✌️another bookmark worthy session!

This is a wonderful way to wake up mindfully ;) thank you!

Wow! I've been meditating on and off.for a long time and this iz the...it disappeared!
This is the first time I haven't unwittingly tried to change my breath. You know, to breathe like I thought a real meditater would breathe. A good one. Ha! Thank you. This was excellent