Lovingkindness for Writers

Time to get our lovingkindness on! For those of you who like mantras or something to 'do' while you're meditating, this one will be right up your alley.

Writers, I know the term lovingkindness sounds cheesy, but trust me when I say you will love this practice. Just be open to it! We spend so much time hating on ourselves, giving our inner critics free reign, and being perfectionists. This practice teaches us to be gentle toward ourselves and increase our ability to be expansive. Good stories need big hearts, am I right?

Breathe. Write. Repeat.

Transcript

Welcome to Mindfulness for Writers.

I'm Heather Demetrios.

So today we're going to be doing one of my favorite practices which is loving kindness meditation.

It's also called a Metta in Pali.

It's February and so there's a lot of talk of course about love and relationships and I think it's a great time to think about our relationship to ourselves and our capacity to be gentle toward ourselves and kind and loving.

I'm sure there are a lot of you out there who kind of cringed when you heard me say that phrase loving kindness.

It sounds really cheesy but I promise you that it's not cheesy and it's a really powerful practice that is really great because you're reciting phrases in your head and doing some visualization and so it can actually be a nice break sometimes from mindfulness meditation and when we do loving kindness we can sit however we want.

We're not as focused on posture and so a lot of people really enjoy you know doing this lying down or even on the spot while you're walking somewhere on the subway.

So we start with offering loving kindness to ourselves but there's a traditional list of people or beings that we kind of send this loving kindness intention toward.

So I'm going to talk more about this on the podcast but I would like to just jump in right now so we can do our meditation so make sure that you check out the podcast and the blog and of course reach out to me if you have any questions.

So basically what we'll do I'll be guiding this the whole time and we're going to be offering phrases the same phrases to ourselves and other people over the course of the meditation and along with the phrases we're going to be visualizing these people and between the phrases we'll take a minute to let the visualization that we're working on dissolve,

Take a nice breath,

And move on to the next one.

The phrases that are used in living kindness can be whatever you want.

There are traditional ones but it really is one of those practices that you can very much make your own.

So I recommend learning you know the somewhat traditional ones and then you can kind of play a little bit of jazz after that and see what works for you.

So the traditional phrases are may I be happy,

May I be healthy,

May I be safe,

May I be at peace.

So those are the ones that you will hear most often at you know any kind of meditation retreat or class or anything like that.

Sometimes people say may I feel instead of may I be and the only difference is that when you when you're saying it for yourself you say may I be happy but when you're saying it for other people you visualize them and you and you think may I or may you be happy and this is all happening in your head by the way you're not saying these phrases out loud.

Another thing that I quickly just want to mention before we dive in is that usually in mindfulness meditation our object of the meditation is our breath and so we're focused on our breath.

With loving-kindness meditation the focus is on the phrases and visualizing the people that we are sending them to.

So you don't have to worry about your breath.

I mean obviously breathe please don't die but you're you're not focusing on the breath at all so just breathe naturally and you might find that you say each phrase on a breath and that's what works for you.

So when we're doing this in the guided context in which I'm saying the phrases and you're repeating them in your head I might be at a different pace than you are.

So for the purposes of this guided meditation just roll with it but when you do it on your own if you felt any kind of frustration working with this particular recording in terms of your breath or pace or anything like that that's all up to you on your own.

Loving-kindness meditation can be a quick thing that you do in a couple minutes or it could be quite long.

It really depends on how long you want to stay with each phrase and visualization.

I really like to do it in terms of like on the spot if I'm feeling overwhelmed or upset or I notice that I'm being really unkind to myself beating myself up about a bad writing day or something with my publishing career I might just close my eyes and just say the phrases for myself you know maybe happy maybe healthy maybe safe maybe loved maybe a peace whatever it is and maybe repeat it a couple times.

You know sometimes people like to put their hand on their heart as they repeat the phrases that physical connection can be really powerful for people.

It's really whatever you want.

Another thing I want to say is you are not supposed to feel a certain way so when you're saying these phrases if you have zero emotion that's fine.

If you're not filled with a sense of you know well-being and peace and love and generosity totally fine.

As I've said before with mindfulness meditation the work that you do on the cushion or the chair is going to have a ripple effect on your whole life and usually we're not seeing that effect when we're actually meditating.

We're kind of building those muscles and then when we go out into the world we start to observe the effects and they start to just happen naturally.

We're less irritable with people.

We feel a little bit less of that edge of depression or whatever it might be.

So you know you can even dislike this loving-kindness practice and still do it.

There are a lot of people who begin with a sort of animosity toward the practice because it makes them really uncomfortable to think about love and gooey stuff and then over the course of practicing it a couple times even they begin to really see its value.

It's especially great for people who are still struggling a bit with the mindfulness meditation where we just focus on the breath.

This really just lets you think thoughts and picture things and of course as writers that's what our brains do.

We're always imagining.

We're always thinking and so this particular meditation really works with the writers brain quite well.

Okay so find a seat for yourself.

Again because we're doing contemplation meditation,

So any kind of meditation where you are going through a visualization and you know working on something that's not the breath,

We call it contemplation.

So you can lie down if you'd like.

You can sit on your cushion if you wish.

You can sit on the couch.

Anything that's comfortable for you.

In all contemplation practice we do it with our eyes closed but when I do loving-kindness when I want to walk or on the subway of course my eyes are open and that's fine.

But for now on your own go ahead and close your eyes and we'll just start with a couple of deep breaths to get ourselves into the space to arrive here,

To arrive to ourselves.

So just a nice inhale breathing in and out and you can let it be a sigh if you want any kind of release of tension.

Breathing in and out.

Breathing in.

I'm gonna fill your belly like you're like there's a balloon in your belly.

Nice deep breath and out.

So we're just going to take a couple of moments to settle our minds a bit.

For this meditation why don't we focus on the sounds that are in the space that you're in.

So maybe you hear a car driving by,

Wind chimes,

The hum of your refrigerator,

Maybe there are voices in an office near yours.

Just key into those sounds,

Breathing naturally.

Your mind might already be wandering,

That's totally fine.

The mind thinks that's its job so just very gently come back to meditating on the sounds around you.

And if this feels appropriate to you right now go ahead and put a hand on your heart.

Sometimes having a physical connection to this space from which we live so much of our lives and get so much of our writing inspiration from.

Having a physical connection can really help us feel a little bit grounded in the heart space.

Again you don't need to be feeling anything.

You've shown up,

You're doing the work,

That's what it's all about.

So we start traditional loving-kindness practice sending metta to ourselves.

So it can be very helpful if you find this to be uncomfortable to call up an image of yourself as a child.

It could be any age,

Get the image clear in your head or of course you can picture yourself now maybe how you looked this morning when you looked in the mirror.

So I will say the phrases with a slight pause in between and you repeat them to yourself.

I'll be using the same phrases for all of our people which are may I be happy,

May I be inspired,

And may be at peace.

I like to add inspired because we're writers and that's what we wish for ourselves so often.

May I be happy,

May I be inspired,

May I be at peace.

So we'll repeat these a few times.

I'll guide you for the first few ones and then give you a little bit of time to have with yourself these phrases.

May I be happy,

May I be inspired,

May I be at peace.

You can go ahead and say those phrases to yourself a few times.

Remember to keep the image in your mind of yourself so you're sending this happiness,

Inspiration,

And peace to yourself.

May I be happy,

May I be inspired,

May I be at peace.

Now you can let that image of yourself dissolve.

Take a nice breath in.

Now we're going to move on to the next person.

Again it can help to put your hand on your heart if you wish.

So we'll be focusing on a benefactor here.

I often think of this as a teacher or someone who has supported you and shared their wisdom with you.

It could be a family member or a friend but someone who really is a benefactor to you and that is a big role that they play in your life as a benefactor.

I often think of my high school English teacher.

So get a picture of that person in your mind,

Nice visualization of them.

You can imagine them somewhere that you think that they would be happy if you'd like or just simply imagine them.

We'll be using the same phrases except instead of I we say you.

May you be happy,

May you be inspired,

May you be at peace,

May you be happy,

May you be inspired,

May you be at peace.

You might find that even with this meditation that your mind wanders,

That's totally normal.

Just guide yourself back to that visualization of the person and start over with the phrases.

No biggie if you lost your focus.

May you be happy,

May you be inspired,

May you be at peace.

I'll let you take it away for a little bit.

When you're ready,

Let that image just dissolve of your benefactor.

Take a nice breath in and out.

We're going to move on to a beloved person.

This could also be a pet,

Someone who makes your heart smile.

Many teachers say not to choose your partner or spouse or someone that you have a complicated romantic relationship with.

Put more bluntly,

Someone you're not sleeping with.

Let this be somebody that is so just clear,

Just makes you smile when you think of them.

So bring to mind an image of that person.

Again it could be or pet someone in a place that they love or just an image.

Same phrases.

May you be happy,

May you be inspired,

May you be at peace.

May you be happy,

May you be inspired,

May you be at peace.

You Go ahead and let that image dissolve.

When you do this on your own,

These different people that you focus on,

You can spend you know five minutes on each person if you want.

So we're just going through this a little bit more quickly so that we can get through the whole process and you can build from there.

Take a nice deep breath in and out.

Now we move on to the neutral person.

So this is someone that you don't know.

Maybe it's a barista from the coffee house you go to,

A neighbor you don't really know their name,

Your bus driver,

The cashier at your bodega.

So it's somebody that you have no feelings toward whatever,

Totally neutral.

Sometimes I just choose the last stranger in my memory.

So get an image of that person in your head and again we're gonna go through the same process,

Same phrases.

May you be happy,

May you be inspired,

May you be at peace,

May you be happy,

May you be inspired,

May you be at peace,

May you be happy,

May you be inspired,

May you be at peace,

May you be inspired,

May you be inspired,

May you be inspired,

When you're ready go ahead and let that image dissolve.

We're going to move on to our last person now.

Let's take a nice deep breath in and out.

So this last one is a difficult person.

It's important that you choose someone that doesn't trigger you,

Doesn't create trauma.

It's best to choose someone that you're annoyed with or somebody that you you kind of struggle with in some kind of way but you're not putting yourself in a position to harm yourself or create an overwhelming sensation of emotion.

It could be a neighbor who plays their music too loud or someone at work who you just kind of don't like,

They're rude to you or whatever.

Could be a writer who gives you critique and they don't do it in a way that's constructive for you and you know that kind of thing.

It could be a friend or family member that you have issues with but again you don't want it to be a traumatic thing.

And if this does bring up unexpected strong emotion just work through that.

You can let the meditation go on that person if you wish and just focus on your breath.

Maybe put your hand on your heart until we move on to the next part.

That's totally fine.

Don't be a hero.

It's for your benefit so don't choose somebody you feel like guilty about and you want to like them more and so you're trying to use this practice to like them more.

I mean yes that would be a great benefit of this but you know just take care of yourself.

Okay,

Difficult person.

Just get that person in your head,

Nice visual.

Sometimes be helpful to imagine this person in a place that does make them happy or imagining them at a time when maybe you did have a better relationship with them but whatever visual works for you bring that to mind and we'll do the same phrases.

May you be happy.

May you be inspired.

May you be at peace.

May you be happy.

May you be inspired.

May you be at peace.

May you be inspired.

When you're ready let that image go and if any strong emotion came up just put your hand on your heart.

You can do both hands and just take a nice deep breath and let any of that tension out.

Just be kind to yourself.

Don't get into the story of this person,

What happened or whatever.

Just sit with the physical sensations of the emotion.

You might not feel anything and that's fine too.

So the next part is that we imagine all of these people together.

You can imagine them standing in a circle which is what I do or however you wish.

So it's you,

Your benefactor,

Beloved person,

Neutral person,

Difficult person and just imagine them in a circle and for this part you use we and you're gonna send loving-kindness to all of these people including yourself.

You picture yourself in the group too.

May we be happy.

May we be inspired.

May we be at peace.

Now let that image dissolve and now this is the big part.

We radiate this sense of well-being,

This loving-kindness to all beings everywhere.

The traditional way is that you start small and you get bigger as a rippling effect.

So you might start with everybody in your apartment building and then by the end of it it's all beings everywhere in the universe.

Okay so you can decide in your own practice how specific you want to get on the podcast.

I'll talk about different ways we can do this but for now we're gonna keep it simple.

May all beings in the north be happy.

May all beings of the North be inspired.

May all beings in the north be at peace.

May all beings in the West be happy.

May all beings in the West be inspired.

May all beings in the West be at peace.

May all beings in the South and the south be happy may all beings in the south be inspired.

May all beings in the south be at peace.

May all beings in the East be happy.

May all beings in the East be inspired.

May all beings in the East be at peace.

May all beings everywhere be happy,

Inspired,

And at peace.

If your hands are on your heart you can leave them there.

If it feels right for you today you can put them there if they're not there yet.

Wherever you are just sit for a moment with with yourself with the sensations.

Feel your body connecting to the chair,

The cushion,

The earth,

Wherever you are.

Feel your breath moving in and out of your lungs.

Take a nice breath in and out.

When you're ready,

No rush,

Slowly open your eyes.

Turn to the space that you're in.

So this practice is designed to cultivate a sense of loving-kindness to yourself and to the people around you.

It's said that when we're able to feel love for ourselves we're better able to love other people.

It actually chemically does something in our brain when we have compassion for other people.

It makes us happier.

But as writers I think again this practice can be extremely powerful for working with perfectionism,

Fear,

Self-doubt,

Jealousy,

A lot of things I can really help with.

So I'll be talking about this more on the podcast on the blog but I hope that this meditation is of use to you and may you be happy,

Inspired,

And at peace.

Reviews

The sound is a bit hard to hear but with headphones I'm sure it would have been easier. I really loved the encouragement to bless ourselves and others. The circle we created was very powerful for me. Healing.

Thank you

this was amazing, thank you!✨🌸

Very lovely!

I like your simple down to earth explanations thank you 🙏

Thank you so much, have been enjoying your insights for writers!

Very beautiful & relaxing

I loved this one. Inspiration and patience work well.

I liked this and my one take away is the slight modification to a standard loving kindness meditation to make it applicable to writers "May I/you/we be inspired". Other than that, it was pretty much the same as standard loving kindness in all other ways. A useful tool but I don't think I'll need to come back to this rather long recording for that. I will, however, check out the author's blog and other recordings as I love the idea of applying these kinds of techniques to writing. Thank you. May you be inspired. Namaste.