Breaking The Fear-Tension-Pain Cycle

The Fear Tension Pain cycle is one of thought, sensation, and reaction occurring in a loop that often keeps us stuck. When one increases they all increase, when one decreases they all decrease. It is my intention to deliver tangible guidance for all, no matter where you are on your journey of inner work. In this clip, you'll learn practical solutions for breaking the cycle of stress, fear, tension, frustration, and pain in your life. May you have the courage to move closer to peace today.

Transcript

So now let's move on to the solutions and practices of how to break the cycle.

So this is like the nitty gritty,

The bread and butter.

All right.

So we're going to go through each section,

First fear,

Then tension,

Then pain.

And I'll offer some insights and some practices that not only have I been researching,

But I've also learned and applied in my own life.

And I got to tell you,

It's really working.

So although we won't go too deep into pain,

I'm going to go deep enough into fear and tension.

And those are the two things that you can ground into the body and get into the present moment and help yourself get through the worst of the worst.

Pain is a bigger monster.

And it's something that you personally have to be ready and willing to attack.

So let's start with fear.

Fear in the mind kicks off the fight,

Flight,

Or freeze response in the body.

There's a chemical reaction as well as a physical reaction that shows up in your body once your mind has recognized,

Decided on,

Or understood a circumstance as fear.

And remember,

Fear is that blanket statement of all of the emotional survival states of being.

So stress hormones are sent through your body to prepare to get you out of the fearful situation,

Which truly is a wonderful evolutionary tool.

The issue is humans are the only animals that continue to live in their stressful states.

Think about that.

Animals in the wild,

When there's stress coursing through their veins,

It's because there's a predator after them.

And they just need to get away.

And so their stress hormones are coursing through their body,

Helping them,

Slowing down digestion.

We don't need to digest anything right now.

All of the unnecessary systems in our body just shut down.

And all of the blood,

And all of the focus,

And all of the energy goes to getting you safe.

But once those animals are safe,

Their body switches on the parasympathetic,

The PNS.

That's the parasympathetic nervous system,

Which is the opposite of the stress hormones.

And it's,

We'll call,

The calming hormones.

And it's just turning off that stress and just letting your body know,

All right,

We're chill now.

And now it's turning back on those other systems that needed to work properly.

You're no longer in stress,

In survival mode.

But humans,

We have the ability to keep ourselves in survival mode continuously.

And we may not even realize we're doing it.

And we do this by rethinking,

Or ruminating,

Or assuming,

Or anticipating,

Worrying about things that may happen or things that have already happened.

And now we're scared that they may happen again in the future.

So if we're in survival mode,

We're either living in the past or some future that we're predicting may or may not happen.

That's a lot of wasted energy,

A lot of wasted energy.

And when you're in survival mode,

There are narratives that keep us in there.

And as a result of those narratives,

There is physical and chemical and emotional responses coursing through the body.

Now,

Over time,

Our body was not meant to stay in stress.

We were not meant to stay in survival mode.

So if you're constantly reliving these stories and you're constantly experiencing the stress,

It's going to weigh on those systems that can naturally work.

It's going to weigh on them.

And it's going to be harder for your body to naturally take care of you because it's constantly told that it's not safe and it needs to struggle to survive.

So our stress response doesn't turn off.

And we perpetually live in a state of survival emotions.

So here are some practices you can start.

Once fear has set in,

To try and break the cycle and turn your PNS on and turning off the stress hormones and ultimately calming down your body.

So I have five examples here,

Five practices,

That are so simple.

You just have to remember to do them.

They're very simple,

But you have to remember to do it.

And often,

I want to be very clear,

This is not something you do once.

And you're like,

OK,

I'm good.

We're breaking a cycle here.

And this cycle may be really embedded in you,

Like years,

Maybe decades.

Again,

We really want to stress this is a zero judgment zone.

We're not judging the way we get stressed,

What stresses us out,

Why we're stressed,

How we react to it.

We are just observing what is.

And this is a wonderful opportunity for you to observe your relationship with stress or fear or tension in your body.

Because once you observe it,

You have a choice.

You have a say in the matter.

So number one,

Ground into your body and the sensations being experienced.

Observe them.

Let go of your opinions about what's happening and get clear on what is actually happening.

A very simple example of this is stubbing your toe.

This is the worst.

That's an opinion.

And in the grand scheme of things when we zoom out,

It's an unnecessary one.

Because it's not really getting you anywhere.

It's just reiterating that you don't want this to be happening.

But your opinions don't matter in the reality of what is happening.

So what is happening?

I stubbed my toe.

It hurts.

That's fact.

So I'm using a very minute example.

But there are grand examples.

And I want to leave that to your imagination.

And I want you to really pay attention to the way that you speak to yourself when you're fearful or the way that you speak to yourself when you're in pain.

Because your response,

The words,

The narratives that are going on inside of your head,

That also might be a pattern.

Pay attention to it.

And try to omit any opinions.

It's not something that it's going to happen overnight.

And I'm not even saying opinions are bad.

But they're just not going to help you.

They're not going to help you.

What's going to help you is getting clear on what's actually happening.

Grounding into the body,

Not your opinion about the experience,

But about what is occurring in this present moment.

Number two,

Connect with your breath for 10 cycles as a way of grounding.

So one cycle of breath is a deep inhale and a long exhale.

I'm not talking these quick ones,

Just we're not doing that.

I'm talking like a deep,

Doing that 10 times without urgency,

Without rush.

And a little pro tip to help your parasympathetic nervous system turn on,

Try to keep your exhale a few seconds longer than your inhale,

Like three,

Four seconds.

This simple practice will allow for that switch from your stress hormones to the PNS system to turn on and reduce the hormones being pumped through your body,

Causing you to react.

It's going to help you physically and chemically calm down.

Number three,

Recognize the areas you are gripping,

Clenching,

Tightening in the body and release them.

Tie this in with your exhale as a reminder to let go of each breath.

That's what I love about breath cycles.

Number one,

They are always in the present moment,

Always in the present moment.

Number two,

It is the most perfect example of receive and release.

In order to get more,

You have to first let go.

You can't take inhale after inhale after inhale.

You eventually have to exhale.

And you can't just keep letting things go.

You're eventually going to have to inhale.

So use that exhale as a reminder to release tension in your body.

So when you're going through those 10 cycles of breath,

Every time you exhale,

Just notice.

Go head to toe.

Notice any tension you might be holding.

Number four,

If possible,

Figure out what steps to take to reduce your fear and tension.

So it can be as simple as reviewing the steps above.

You can also gather a group of supportive individuals,

Create a calming atmosphere around yourself,

Listening to soothing sounds,

Or a guided meditation.

One thing I would suggest highly are the steps above,

Because those three are portable.

You can take them anywhere.

Anywhere you are,

You can ground into the body.

You can take deep breaths.

You can release tension.

You may not have the time to call a group of your friends and be like,

Hey,

Do you guys have a few minutes to talk?

You may not have the option to listening to soothing sounds or a guided meditation or getting tips from a podcast.

You might not have this at your fingertips when you're in a moment of urgency,

Like I got to figure this out.

You can always breathe.

You can always ground.

You can always release tension.

So number five,

Resisting fear will only increase it.

I'm going to start that one one more time,

Because this cannot be repeated too many times.

Resisting fear will only increase it.

Begin noticing the times your energy is invested in trying to stop what's happening.

Begin noticing.

We're just noticing.

We're not getting mad that we can't fix it.

We're not getting upset that we can't improve it.

We're not angry that this is the way that we are.

We're noticing.

And if it helps,

I want you to notice your behavior.

Notice the way that you show up as if it's someone you love and adore.

Oftentimes,

It's easier to do that than to look at ourselves through those eyes.

OK?

Allow what is happening to happen.

Allow what is to be,

And work on your relationship and judgment with it.

That is always the best place to start.

Notice expectations,

Assumptions,

And keep coming back to the present moment as many times as you need to.

As many times,

My friends.

Over and over and over and over again.

For those of you that have meditated with me,

You know that a great meditation is not defined by how quiet your mind is.

Sometimes some of the best practices that I've had are the ones where my mind was pulling me in 19 different directions.

And over the course of 15 minutes,

I've had to call myself back gently to my breath,

To the present moment,

Like 50,

60,

100 times.

It's the practice that matters.

It's the practice that matters.

It's the fact that you're showing up at all to practice that matters.

So if you have to keep doing it,

Good.

Do it.

Just keep going.

So now we're moving on to tension.

Tension,

As I stated before,

Is the bodily response to fear,

Anxiety,

Stress,

Suffering,

Pain,

And all of the survival emotions.

What is another way of saying what tension is,

Is the emotional response to fear.

It's the emotional response to the fear that's going on in our mind.

The body is a vehicle being driven by the mind.

If your mind is on autopilot,

The body becomes a victim of your reactions,

Your impulses,

And your behavioral patterns.

Break the pattern by tuning into it.

Accepting is already happening.

And work with what you're given in this moment.

So here are a few things.

I think there's like three.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four.

Oh,

Four.

There's four.

So here are four things that I offer you with tension.

Now,

Some of them may coincide with fear.

But again,

I want to remind you,

Fear is of the mind.

Tension is of the body.

So they're definitely going to coincide every now and then.

But tension is more in your realm of not understanding,

But practical application.

We can't always go into our mind and just flip a switch.

Sometimes going into our mind is like opening up social media for one thing.

But we end up scrolling,

And we get distracted.

The body,

However,

We can notice it.

We can take a little more control of it.

It's easier to drop our shoulders than to close a mental tab.

So the first one is stop reacting and start paying attention to how fear or pain are showing up in the body.

This is not a time for judgment,

But rather a complete observation of what is.

Stay tuned into the physical feelings that are present with you now,

Not in the thinking mind.

Because remember,

Our body doesn't understand the difference between past,

Present,

Future.

So if you're thinking about something that your boss or your coworker or a family member or your partner said to you that really pissed you off but it was like a month ago,

Your body doesn't understand you're thinking about it a month ago.

It just understands you're experiencing it now.

So we want to try to get out of our thinking mind and into our body and just be present with what's going on with it right now.

Tension is tightness.

This is number two.

Tension is tightness.

The opposite is release or allowance.

So bring a sense of ease and gentleness through the body,

Like a wave of tranquility washing over you.

Keep releasing tension.

The tension in your muscles,

The tension anywhere you feel it,

Keep releasing it.

As many times as you need to.

And remember,

This is a cycle that you're observing and then ultimately breaking.

It won't be something you do one time.

So that could be,

That in itself could be a wonderful practice for this cycle.

You may find yourself with the narrative of,

Oh my god,

How many times do I have to do this?

How many times do I have to tune into this?

How many times?

Just do it.

Just do it.

No one said,

Not one person is telling you.

Please,

If they are,

They're lying to you.

No one's telling you this is going to be easy.

No one's telling you this is going to be simple or a one-time thing.

I will be the first to tell you this is something you keep showing up for.

So if there's a narrative in your head telling you it should be easy,

The first practice you should start with is breaking that narrative.

So number three,

Loosen up physically.

Loosen up.

And identify what emotional states and patterns are showing up for you.

See if you can separate the thoughts from the emotions and then from how they show up in the body.

Detaching from the experience allows the intensity to decrease.

So a very quick example of this,

Which I believe I have a podcast on,

But I can't remember the title.

A very quick example of this is,

OK,

We talked about narratives.

Let's stick with anxiety.

The narrative is I am an anxious person.

It shows up in the emotion of anxiety,

Worry,

Fear.

And then how does it show up in the body?

See how all those are different.

There's a story.

There's a physical sensation,

How it shows up in the body.

And then there's the label of it.

See if you can separate all three of those.

That's the best way that I can explain that.

And this may be something that you literally have to write down on paper.

That might be a practice that you carve out the time to do,

Maybe once a week.

OK.

And then the last one.

Once you bring awareness to the experience,

You give yourself the option to choose a response rather than defaulting to an emotional reaction.

Like I've been saying this whole class and basically every teaching that I ever share,

Awareness is where it starts.

Once you become aware,

Then your options open up.

When you become aware,

You're one step closer to allowing.

OK.

So a simple example that I gave is a reaction is clenching your jaw.

We all do it.

Consciously,

Unconsciously.

Most of the time it's unconscious.

But we all do it.

A choice.

Once you become aware,

My jaw is clenched.

What's a choice you can make?

You can unclench it.

Like it's truly that simple.

It's truly that simple.

That's how you take your power back.

You decide to.

You can also take a deep breath and it'll probably unclench by itself.

But if you didn't notice that it was clenched,

Then you wouldn't have had the choice to unclench it.

See what I'm saying?

So just simply by noticing,

By noticing,

By observing,

And leaving no room for judgment.

There's just no room for it.

Because then if you start judging yourself,

You're not thinking about your choice.

You're thinking about all the things you,

Quote,

Should have done.

Right?

So I want to hear where you're at.

I want to hear what your experience is.

If any of this resonated with you.

What was challenging?

What did you love?

And if you're interested in any more classes.

So thank you so much.

And until the next session,

Peace and blessings,

Friend.

Amen.

Reviews

Great messages. Very helpful! ☀️🙏♥️

Beautiful words to help remind you how to take back your power when you’re drowning in fear