Giving-And-Taking (Tonglen)

An ancient Tibetan practice for developing wisdom and compassion, giving-and-taking (tonglen) skill trains your copacity to be available to those in distress without sucumming to burnout or compassion fatique. Love is the best medicine.

Transcript

Meditation on taking and giving,

Tonglen,

With a contemplation on the fourfold process of exchanging self and other.

Begin by finding a comfortable posture.

Then reflect on your spiritual aspiration and your intention for meditating.

Begin with a few moments of breath meditation to calm and center the mind.

Turn the mind inwards and rest your awareness on the breath.

Feel the cool air coming in and the warm air passing out.

Concentrate your mind on the breath.

Let all surface distractions begin to fall away.

Access the low slow flow of breath,

Breathing into the diaphragm.

Let go of any tension that you're holding on to in the shoulders,

Neck,

And jaw on the out-breath.

On the in-breath,

Imagine taking in a cool revitalizing breath energy that keeps you buoyant and awake and calm.

When you feel centered and at ease,

We can begin the contemplation on the fourfold process of exchanging self and other.

The first point is equalizing self and other.

Reflect that all living beings want happiness and wish to avoid suffering.

Ultimately,

There is no real difference between myself and others.

We arbitrarily draw lines between I,

Me,

Mine,

And all other living beings.

This is the fundamental misperception of separateness,

The cause for our own unhappiness.

Point two,

Contemplate the downfalls and limits of self-preoccupation.

All suffering in the world comes from the thought,

I,

Me,

Mine,

From the delusion of separateness.

Every moment of dissatisfaction has arisen from our own clinging and attachment and aversion,

Our self-protection.

We have to override our animal instinct and embrace our mammalian interconnectivity.

The third point is to reflect on the benefits of altruism.

All the joy and success you've achieved in the world has come from your connection with other living beings.

Think about everything that you've learned,

Every moment of a happiness,

And every opportunity for growth has arisen because of the kindness of other living beings.

We have an innate social instinct to care for our young,

To connect with others.

This is our highest evolutionary potential.

When we feel cared for and safe,

We can access our love and interconnectivity with all living beings.

And it is this interconnectivity that brings us the greatest joy.

The fourth point is exchanging self and other.

We have a powerful capacity for empathy,

To begin to feel and experience what it's like to be another.

This has a two-fold benefit.

First,

It dissolves our own egocentric preoccupation,

And second,

It opens us to the flow of interconnectivity.

Our empathy and compassion are our greatest medicine.

When we feel cared for and loved by another,

We are able to achieve our highest optimal potential.

With these reflections fresh in mind,

Let's transition into the meditation on taking and giving.

Imagine a person in your life who may be suffering,

And bring them into your mind and feel their presence with you in this meditation.

Take time to reflect on the nature of their suffering.

Are they experiencing illness,

Old age?

Are they experiencing mental suffering in the form of sadness,

Anxiety,

Alienation?

Are they lonely and disconnected,

Perceiving themselves and others as separate?

With your open heart begin to feel their pain,

Their discomfort,

Their disease,

And alienation.

Let it arouse for you the feeling of compassion and empathy,

Wishing to unburden them of their suffering.

In that moment the two of you become one.

Now as you inhale,

Imagine unburdening them of their pain and suffering in the form of a thick black smoke.

Allow yourself to think how nice it would be for them to be free of suffering,

To be happy.

Imagine on your in-breath that you remove their suffering in the form of a thick black smoke,

Coming out of their nostrils and entering your nostrils in the exchange of breath.

As you inhale,

Imagine taking in all their suffering.

You may notice that you have an aversion to suffering,

That there's some fear,

That there's some discomfort.

Remember to come back to your natural empathy,

The desire to remove the suffering of others,

And also your innate happiness,

Your enormous capacity to metabolize the hardship of others.

Now reflect on all your joy and all your happiness that you've ever experienced.

Allow it to fill your heart with a wonderful white light.

And then with love and compassion,

Imagine sending that joy in the form of a white light to the person that is suffering.

Imagine that white light leaves your nostrils,

Floats towards them,

And enters their nostrils.

Imagine that love and care enters their heart and begins to dissolve their fear and pain.

So now we have completed a circuitry,

Taking the pain and suffering of another in the form of a black smoke,

Letting it metabolize inside your heart,

And sending all the care and love and joy you have in the form of a white light that enters the other and makes them buoyant and hopeful and optimistic.

Repeat several cycles of taking the suffering and giving your joy.

Remember to continue to visualize taking the black smoke and sending the white light.

Imagine with each inhalation and each exhalation that your loved one is being unburdened with love and care.

You can imagine with each moment of joy that the other experiences the black smoke begins to turn gray.

You can also begin to imagine that as you take on this dark black smoke you direct it to the root cause of your own unhappiness,

The self-preoccupation at your heart.

Imagine with each inhalation you begin to dissolve any self-interest and as that begins to erode the wellspring of joy and love in your heart becomes boundless.

Now imagine as the suffering person experiences your love and care for them they are able to let go of their pain,

Their own self-interest,

And access their own love and care for others.

With each passing exhalation imagine the suffering person taking on your love and care.

It begins to erode their pain and suffering transforming the black smoke into a gray smoke.

Imagine your white light healing them,

Relieving them.

Imagine that gray smoke begins to turn to white light as the other begins to send you their natural love and care.

Repeat a few cycles of taking on the gray smoke and sending the white light.

Eventually imagine the gray smoke turns completely to white light as you complete a circuitry of love.

White light being exchanged for white light.

Love and care being exchanged for love and care.

Continue several cycles of exchanging love and care.

With each breath imagine your separateness dissolving,

Sharing joy and happiness.

Now transition into your dedication.

Reflect again on the fourfold process of exchanging self and other.

You have equalized self and other realizing that there is no real distinction.

You have contemplated the downfalls of your self-preoccupation.

You have reflected upon the benefits of altruism and you have exchanged self and other accessing your innate interconnectivity.

Any moment of joy,

Any moment of love,

Any moment of insight that you've been able to experience,

Dedicate that to your ongoing study,

Reflection,

And practice for your own benefit and for the benefit of all living beings.

Reviews

Tonglen practice is one of my favorite compassion practices. This recording was by far one of the best. I’ll come back to it again and again. Thank you 🙏🏼

Deep, compassionate, loving visualization! Thank you!🙏❤️🥰

This was one of the most powerful Tonglen meditations have experienced. Tashi delek.

The most clear pure true practice of Tonglen I’ve been able to find on Insight Timer. Namaste 🙏🏼

A powerful practice. A direct experience KF compassion, love & care for others. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

This was a beautiful practice, soothing calming voice, thank you.
🙏🏽 ♥️

Very powerful, a bit frightening and intense, but I will try again. My visualization takes a bit longer than the guided meditation allows for. Next time I’ll try to be quicker. Thank you

Beautiful meditation, gentle reflections, thank you🙏🦋✨

Beautiful practice, beautifully presented.
Thank You 💖🌟🙏🏽🌟💖

Healing. Just the right medicine for the moment.

Excellent—this narrative enables me to visualize the subject with whom I exchange energy throughout the entire process of tonglen.

Thank you for your guidance and love, Miles
♥️

A powerful combination of calmness, wisdom and insight. I hope that practicing like this actually does help other beings.

What an uplifting, beautiful a d inspiring meditation. This is so practical Nd easy yet so profound. Thank you I needed this, especially in these terrible times of Covid19.

Beautiful tonglen practice

Really challenging and powerful. Will return to this practice. Thank you.

Exploring different recordings if a Tonglen practice. Really enjoyed this one to help alleviate the suffering of a particular individual. Namaste

Absolutely beautiful. And very powerful. Thank you so much Miles.

Excellent thank you. I’ve been reading a lot lately from teachers of the Shambhala tradition, and Tonglen is often spoken of as a key practice. I am glad to now have access to this recording. I aim to continue using this . 🙏🏽

Tonglen is a powerful practice. Thank you!