Cancer Journey — Uplifting Interview

Cancer Journey — Diagnosis as Discussion // What We're Thinkin' About Podcast Ep.2 with Barry Ebert and special guest, Linda Rengel. In this episode, Linda describes her cancer journey and the inner discussion that evolved after her diagnosis of advanced, stage 4, inoperable, incurable, metastatic lung cancer. Let's find out how can we get a shift in perspective. This podcast ends with a guided spiritual practice.
Music composed by Bobby Dartt

Transcript

It is what we're thinking about and what we're thinking about is evolved communication.

Hello and welcome to the Mile High Church podcast.

This is the place where we connect and converse to explore communication in our relationships,

Our social world,

Inner development and spirituality.

Today we open our hearts and we get real.

We're focusing on evolved communication,

How we can do a better job of talking to ourselves and talking to the people around us and just kinda elevating the way that we communicate.

And I'm very excited today,

My guest is Reverend Linda Rengel who is one of the leaders of our healing ministry at Mile High Church and does great work in helping people with their inner communication.

So Linda thanks a lot for being here today and I just wanted to get some of your thoughts on what your journey has been with healing and how it's led you to where you are today.

It's a pleasure to be here.

I think of my journey now seven years on as having three segments and that first very scary segment was like a tsunami when I first got diagnosed and that was at the very beginning of 2014.

I had been out playing tennis,

I came home,

I saw that I needed to return a phone call to my doctor because of a thorough,

Thorough physical I had had and he said this is something we can't discuss over the phone,

Come on in.

So I went in only to learn that I had advanced stage four,

Inoperable,

Incurable,

Metastatic lung cancer.

I'm a never smoker,

An active person,

It hit me like a two by four between the eyes.

And so that's the tsunami part.

I really went into this whirlwind of asking why me,

Why now?

I had just retired and first grandbaby was toddling around and a lot of anger,

Self pity,

Confusion,

Like a lot of people who are at first diagnosed with something that's a chronic disease or even not a dire diagnosis but just something bothersome.

And so I had a lot of testing and we found out that the lung cancer was being spurred by a genetic mutation.

There's a medication for that genetic mutation and so I was started on it and did great for about five years and that was the next segment of the journey.

And I would say that during the first segment my big spiritual inner communication with myself was to become more still.

I realized I'd been living a very outer focused life and a lot of that was the work I was doing.

I was the one and only counselor in a school with 1,

050 kids.

Incredibly stressful to have that large of a group of people looking to you.

And I was coping by doing things like shopping and maybe doing some social media and things such as that.

And so when I went to Spirit,

When I communicated inwardly,

It kept coming up for me,

Be still.

Be inward.

How did you start that process?

How did you get that going?

Okay,

Story of failure,

Thanks Barry.

So I thought I would start by becoming a really good meditator.

Spoiler alert,

You have to sit still for that?

Not my strong suit.

That's a bummer isn't it?

The sitting still part,

Yeah.

Exactly right,

But that was in the lesson.

You know the lesson was in the dilemma.

It's like the disease as discovery,

Disease as discovery.

In Dr.

Rogers' book,

That's where your lessons are.

So I tried.

I became a one-minute meditator and that worked for a while.

And then I hit on using my Fitbit to have alarm set during the day.

And so I set my Fitbit alarm for seven notices during the day.

And at each of those times I go within.

And I expand my breathing.

And we're gonna do more of this later in a little process at the end of our podcast.

And I just expand that feeling of wellness and wholeness and unification with all there is.

And that has been,

I've had more success at it I would say,

Than sitting for an hour in the morning and another hour at night.

And I think people have to do that.

We have all kinds of meditators in our healing ministry.

Yeah,

And you gotta find your own way and what works for you.

That's one of the things that I like about this Insight Timer that we use.

You can go on Insight Timer.

There's thousands of meditations there.

And you gotta find what works in your life and what is gonna help you to slow down.

So do you feel like it's gotten better?

That your process has gotten better?

I really,

Really do because it's practicing the presence over and over.

It's not a one and done.

And I get up from a meditation and then go back to living the same distracted way I was.

I carry it with me.

I feel that's been the big shift.

That I no longer feel like I have beliefs.

I feel like I believe.

I believe.

And Spirit is in every tissue cell and fiber of my being.

Within those cells,

Tissues and fibers are,

You know,

Zinc,

Iron and magnesium.

What is the earth made of?

Zinc,

Iron and magnesium.

How about the stars?

Same heavy metals.

I mean we are star stuff.

So I try to live more out of that feeling of unity with all things instead of a little solo act.

You know,

Instead I'm a spin-off of Spirit.

Yeah,

Yeah.

That's great.

You do a lot of work with other people.

Your healing ministry is just cranking.

And I just wanted you to talk a little bit about the power of people getting together in circle.

And of,

You know,

A lot of these people are up against very tough things just like you.

You have been and so you can certainly empathize and relate with them.

But you also do a lot in your teaching about the power of sitting in a circle with other people.

And of sharing that kind of inner life.

So I was wondering if you'd talk a little bit about that.

Yes.

And I would have answered this differently a year ago when we were literally physically sitting in circle and holding hands and for healing and tension circle,

Touching knee to knee.

But all of that ended one year ago.

And so now we have a circle of squares.

That's what we call it on Zoom.

A circle of squares.

And I think the power of our meeting weekly on Wednesdays at six o'clock is that it's a Wednesday family.

We even call it that.

And you think,

OK,

Great,

A gathering of ill people asking the question,

Why and what's this about?

No,

It's a group of radically well people asking what wants to emerge.

And we go over that and we help new people with coming out of the why question,

Which never really gets answered,

And asking instead from the innermost beingness of me,

What would like to emerge now.

Is that one of the biggest things that you're really dealing with all the time is moving away from why?

I would say that we are fancy monkeys who want explanations.

That seems kind of normal.

And so we make up a lot of stuff that serves as an explanation.

But it's really not.

It just covers up for the fact that we actually live in an enormous mystery.

And we don't know the workings of the universe of universes.

And so instead of asking why,

We can befriend the unknown.

We can do our best to become comfortable with some unknowingness.

Can I give you one example from my own second segment of my journey?

So I did okay for five years.

The tumors in my lungs were shrinking and my lymph system came back to being able to battle infection and things like that.

And my test results look good and the amount of circulating tumor cells I had,

That number was going down,

And then whack.

One day I went in for a checkup,

I had my chest scanned,

A-OK,

Had my brain scanned,

And found six brain tumors.

So again,

I got thrown quite a ways back and thought,

Wow,

Things were tracking okay.

But in retrospect,

I hit the five-year mark thinking,

Well,

A lot of people who live with cancer,

After five years,

If you haven't gotten worse,

You're going to get better.

And that was not the way of lung cancer.

And so I was able to again reassess what else wants to emerge,

Maybe what else.

And my father in this interim had died of lung cancer as an almost lifelong smoker.

And I had a lot of unfinished business with him and a lot of forgiving to do,

And yet more stillness to find.

And so I've done that for the last 24 months,

And that's been another real opening for me into doing an emotional checkup.

And this is so much of what we cover in our healing ministry meetings.

We cover the emotional part of illness,

That a body that's not at ease is open to disease.

But a body at ease is less able to fall victim to disease.

And so we look at the emotional component of things.

Is there space for forgiveness?

Oftentimes there is.

Is there space for more joy?

And that is almost 100% yes.

And how do you get people started?

I mean,

A lot of the people who come to you are up against really big things,

Just like you were.

They're frightened,

Right?

And they're angry,

And they're going through all that stuff.

And it's got to seem overwhelming that this has happened to me,

And I don't know where to begin.

And sure,

These people have been working on this for years and seem like they got it together.

Where do I begin?

How do you get people started on doing this emotional work,

Which is so important and yet so difficult to begin?

The answer I go to with people,

First and foremost,

Is,

Do you want to work through this?

Because to work through it,

You've got to do it.

You've got to do about five things I think are really key.

And I will happily list those.

The first one is,

Find your strong reasons for living.

And so really,

In the healing ministry,

We have people,

I'm just going to go back to last Wednesday as a for instance.

One woman is working with a toothache.

Another person has had his eighth back surgery and lives with every day moment to moment chronic pain.

Another person's chief complaint is loneliness.

And it goes on and on.

Everything from pink eye to a third round of breast cancer.

But when people can get in touch with their strong reasons for living,

The rest of the steps are so doable.

And so the reasons for living are as unique and individual as each of us are.

So for some,

It's going to be,

I want to see my grandkids grow up.

I want to garden again.

I want to continue to be the owner of this pet.

I want to see another springtime.

Whatever it is,

If it lights your fire,

It lights your fire.

And then you're ready to do the other things.

And I would say the second thing is to take charge of your life.

Don't be giving it away to anyone else.

And I must say,

I see this more with women than I do sometimes with other folks because we're helpers and nurturers and sometimes we're given too much away.

Yeah.

And especially in this year of COVID,

A lot of women have really done all things for their family.

And so we've got to prioritize our own self-care.

And I would say that involves that emotional checkup which is taking care of any negative feelings about anyone,

Anything,

Any person or perspective or anything that's hindering you.

Root it out and replace it with the positive emotions.

Make a list of what brings you joy.

Add to it.

Keep repeating it.

Lather,

Rinse,

Repeat.

Keep doing what makes you happy because your body's its own pharmacy and it will dispense happy hormones.

When you ask it to,

When you're happy.

And so that's a potent thing.

And then the deepening of the spiritual connection.

I'm saying it last but it's really first.

That's first and foremost to find your connection to the source that imagined and birthed us all and sustains us in every moment and connect to that in whatever way is meaningful for you.

Yeah,

And I think one of the things that you bring up that I really like too is that people have different ideas of spirit.

People have different ideas of God and it can,

What your ideas are can keep you from getting to the party or they can help you.

And I think we need to examine what our connection is with spirit when we're going through something like that.

Do you feel like you're being punished because of some old narrative that you're carrying with you from childhood that I'm being punished for doing wrong things that's why I got this diagnosis or that I'm carrying something,

There's something flawed about me.

And I think that the connection with spirit and that ability to see the thing as a mystery.

I love that you bring that up because we're not going to figure this out.

We're not going to figure God out.

God is not an intellectual question.

And so to move ourselves into a deeper relationship with spirit is what we want.

And I think that that's really what the essence of your work is.

I love that.

I agree with that.

And Mile High does a beautiful job of doing that.

Kind of being open at the top to whatever spirit looks like for you.

And we are all walking around in these mobile homes that are temporary housing for our permanent spirits,

That infinite eternal spirit.

And these mobile homes get dinks and scratches and parts of them wear out from overuse and other things but the spirit is eternal and infinite.

And when people connect to that part and I'm even going to say surrender to it.

And this was an enormous learning for me.

And I've gone from the six brain tumors down to one that we just watch and wait with.

And I'll go back in a month and hopefully it's stable.

But that sometimes is an invitation to second guess or overthink it.

Really the surrendering is a win-win.

Because I think,

Okay,

I surrender to the path my life's going to take.

Because it,

Like spirit,

Is also infinite.

And so I sure am enjoying the heck out of the one I have now.

But if I go to the great beyond,

I could surrender to that.

If I surrender to more treatment,

That's fine,

I'm still alive.

That's a win-win.

So the surrendering I used to see as such a losing proposition maybe.

Weakness.

Yes.

And now I just think it's another win-win.

I like that.

Yeah,

I go to the great beyond or I go on living.

Yeah,

We throw a negative connotation at surrender a lot.

Never surrender,

Never give up.

I fought and I fought and I fought.

And I think the aspect of aligning ourselves with something so much bigger and not trying to overcome it,

But trying to cooperate with it.

And I think that's a lot of what your ministry is about.

It's about teaching people and helping people align themselves with spirit rather than battling against it.

And I think that's a great thing.

Yes.

It's a relief to give up the battle,

Isn't it?

Yes.

Whatever we're battling,

If it's competing or if it's comparing or whatever it is,

Give it up and go within.

Much more peaceful in here.

Yeah,

And I think that inner work that you focus on so much is so much of a part of healing.

You know,

We're doing so much work now and so much study with the mind-body connection.

And the mind-body-spirit connection is what we're talking about here,

Is that we want to have those elements aligned in us so our body has the opportunity to heal.

So we're providing the best emotional context for our body to do its work.

So I like that.

That is true because the body is always eavesdropping on the mind.

And so what this is flowing out from our mind could be toxic or it could be toxic.

Or it could be tolerance.

And when we just let it be loving and kind and inclusive,

Our body says,

Oh,

Let's have more of that oxytocin,

That huggy,

Embracing,

Comfortable hormone.

And we're dosing ourselves with just what we need with no side effects.

Awesome.

Yeah.

I love it.

So thank you so much for all your insight today and for sharing with us.

And we're going to go there in just a minute,

And you're going to do a process for us,

Which I appreciate.

So if you're listening in and you can get someplace comfortable,

That would be great.

We're just going to take a moment here and just center ourselves.

And just take this opportunity to go deeper.

And this process comes to us from the practice of Qigong,

Which predates science of mind and spirit by about 5,

000 years.

But what they have in common is just what you were saying,

Barry,

Is that mind-body-spirit connection.

So this is sort of a blessing for all of those integrated systems.

And so let's begin just in a very relaxed manner.

Just in a very relaxed state,

Let your physical brain rest completely and totally upon your breath,

Breathing slowly and smoothly,

Letting go of any tension in your body on your exhalations.

Release today's busyness,

Any striving,

Any stress,

Any fear,

And any anger.

Let that all go on your next exhalation.

And just start to feel freer,

More open,

More spacious in your body.

Give a special moment's notice to your facial muscles,

Especially if you're feeling a little bit of a pain in the back of your eyes.

Let them relax.

And now,

With your body-mind-spirit,

Visualize now a person,

A place,

Or a pet who brings you happiness.

Focus on that feeling and invite it within you to expand and to grow and to fill you.

Yes,

Cultivate that inner feeling of happiness and joy.

Bring it up within you and send it out to every cell,

Tissue,

And fiber of your being.

Feel that inner joy welling up,

Moving out,

And blessing all of you.

If this is a trouble spot for you today,

Visualizing a giggling baby may help.

And now open evermore to the bliss you've brought about within yourself and gather it behind your relaxed eyes and watch it,

Allow it to internally travel now like a sweet stream from behind your closed eyes and just down to your mouth,

Raising the corners of your mouth ever so slightly into a sublime inner smile.

Now become aware of any saliva in your mouth.

Swallow that and feel your throat open and relax as you mindfully attend to the swallowing sensation.

Let this smiling joyful energy flow on down to the happiness center within your chest area.

Feel your heart space open and feel it filling up with the rich,

Syrupy red nectar of love.

Oh,

Feel your heart center and let it fill to overflowing.

Oh,

This internal happiness is abundant.

It's available.

We can feel the energy flowing through your heart.

We can be in gratitude for it.

So send an inward smile now to your heart,

Your happiness center.

Thank it for its compassion and its joy,

Its generosity for you and for others.

Thank it.

Thank it immensely for the way that it's dealing with whatever is on your plate right now.

And lastly,

Let's smile.

Just smile at the mere fact that we are enjoying the miracle of life.

We are alive,

Learning,

Evolving,

Transforming.

Energetically,

Let's close this by saying thank you,

Spirit.

Thank you to that creative ultimate.

Power and presence.

Thank you to the energy,

Light and information.

Thank whatever you conceive of to be as the higher power.

Thank your marvelous,

Amazing,

Miraculous,

Mysterious body temple.

All systems within it.

And now slowly.

Knowing that you can come back and revisit this,

Come back now to your physical being.

Wiggle your toes.

Feel the material that's supporting you,

Your chair,

Your couch.

Slowly let your eyes flutter open.

And just know that you are in deep peace.

Flutter open and just know that you are indeed richly blessed and are a blessing.

And so it is.

Well,

Thank you very much.

Thank you for that process.

Thank you for being a guest today and for sharing your story with us and your ministry as well.

And anyone who'd like to contact the healing ministry,

You can find more about that on the Mile High Church website.

And once again,

Thank you,

Linda Rengel,

For being with us today.

That's what we're thinking about.

We'll see you next time.

Reviews

Great. Please do another session/follow up. Very helpful.

I've just been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I'm young and have young kids. This helped me calm my fears, and gave me some ideas on how to cultivate gratitude and welcome healing. Surrending in peace. Thank you!

I woke up with feeling unsure about things and this meditation helped put me at ease.

Thank you Rev. Linda for your amazing, uplifting message. Wow! And thank you Dr. Barry for the stellar guests you bring to this podcast. Life IS good!

Great interview!