Designed To Be Awake - Ep 5 - Don't Shoot The Messenger
Welcome You’re listening to Designed to Be Awake with Mick Kubiak. This episode was recorded in the middle of an intense emotional wave—when my pain body took over, I unraveled, and slowly found my way back to center. Episode Summary Our feelings are messages meant for us, not weapons for others. When emotions are painful, it’s tempting to blame the messenger, but the real work is in pausing and listening inward. I share how I was knocked out of alignment, the stories my mind created, and how sadness, regret, and rage surfaced. You’ll hear how a trusted friend helped me return to reality and why the true message is always internal. Key Takeaways • The pain body can take over • The message is within you • Breath, space, and support shift everything • You can always return to center • Pause before reacting • Share vulnerability wisely Resources Thanks to Chase Coughlin (editing & music) and Maia Young. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review.
Transcript
You are listening to Designed to be Awake with Mick Kubiak.
Don't shoot the messenger,
Of course,
Is just a time-honored phrase,
Right?
I gotta deliver you this message,
But please don't kill me.
And I recorded it on a day when I was going through a super intense emotional response that got kicked off by something and a whole bunch of stories about what had happened,
But not necessarily anything to do with what happened,
If you know what I'm saying.
What am I actually upset about here?
Is it about the person or the situation,
Or is it about my reaction to it?
And spoiler alert,
It is nearly always my reaction to it.
Hello,
And welcome to another episode.
Today's episode is going to be a very vulnerable one.
It's possible this won't actually ever make it to the air because I might be too vulnerable at the moment to have too much to offer.
But what I did want to offer,
And this is because this is something that does come up with clients,
Where you get it,
Right?
You have access to enlightened mind,
And you're in that space of just feeling fully loved,
Unconditionally loved,
Knowing in your bones who you are,
Where you came from,
Where you're going,
And experiencing that total confidence and self-knowing.
And then something can happen,
And it's like riding on a beautiful horse or unicorn and then suddenly getting bucked off or wiping out when you're surfing.
You know,
You're in such a great state,
And then suddenly you're not,
And you can't get back.
And what's happening is that a part of yourself does not know about that place and doesn't even believe in that place has taken over.
And I am honestly in that state right now.
I'm glad I'm hearing myself laugh.
I was going to say this episode should be titled Pain Body in the House because something happened to me last night,
Or it didn't happen to me.
I was being myself and living my life,
And I made a choice and regret it.
I regret the choice I made.
And the pain body has been like very present.
For those of you who haven't heard that term before,
It's yet another excellent Eckhart Tolle term.
And the experience of having the pain body just arise so intensely,
It feels like the door to the higher consciousness just slams shut,
And you're like,
Ah,
In this room,
In the dark,
With some very intense emotions.
So for me,
Like this deep,
Deep,
Deep sadness came up first,
As if something just devastating had happened to me.
And something happened,
And I made a choice I wasn't happy with.
But it just doesn't qualify for devastation.
Devastation was what I was feeling though.
And noting that like,
Oh my god,
I'm devastated.
And then one of the dangerous things I think that happens is that you start to believe that actually something devastating happened to you.
And it takes time and space,
More than anything else,
Spaciousness around the grief,
The devastation.
Then what pops up for me in my pain body right after this grief and devastation and like injured animal vibe is this protector,
This fierce,
Rageful,
Wrathful protectress,
Who's just going to go out and start killing people in defense of this injured animal inside me.
This is a vivid portrait of my inner world,
But it is also a vivid portrait of humans.
And I know I am so far away from being the only person who can relate to even this exact assembly of archetypes that I'm talking about,
Right?
The injured one,
The victim,
The wounded one,
Like the little girl who just had no way of defense and like got hurt.
And then again,
Also the wrathful goddess who's like,
I will now destroy everyone who had anything to do with this.
And clearly,
I'm talking now to you guys,
And I have tons of space around this.
And I was never going to go out and kill people.
It's not that.
It's just that if I had just stayed with my pain body,
If I had not been able to get any space around it,
I would have not killed anyone,
But I would have verbally eviscerated someone most likely.
And I would have believed I was devastated,
Believed something terrible had happened to me.
And I really,
Really felt that way for about six hours.
Like if I'm being real,
It took some time for me to get through this.
And calling my best friend really helped.
And just sitting with her,
And I have so much trust in her that she always holds the real mirror up to the real me.
And she was able to help me see reality.
You know,
The fundamental reality being my own inherent safety and goodness.
And yeah,
Just the reality of my actual existence and beingness.
That's first.
And then slowly we unwound it together that this other person who's involved in this scenario,
I had a whole bunch of stories going about what he was thinking,
Feeling,
Things that I have no actual way of knowing.
And I have really good intuition,
But this was not that,
Right?
This I could tell because,
You know,
Rage and devastation,
That's not intuition,
That's unprocessed trauma.
And so I could really take a moment and be like,
Right,
No,
He didn't say that.
And actually,
He was really cool about this.
And he actually did something really sweet.
And maybe he was going through something,
You know,
Like it just,
Everything just got so much more spacious,
And friendly,
And beautiful and loving,
Which again and again,
I find is the great majority of the truth,
If not the whole truth of this life.
And so I guess what I really wanted to convey with this episode was,
I get it,
It's so intense.
And I would say I have gone for a very long time,
I'm going to say months or more,
With this not being a thing,
Like,
None of this kind of pain body stuff happening at all,
Feeling really centered in,
In my divine truth,
My knowing of who I am,
Truly deeply who I am.
And everything had so much space around it.
So even when thoughts and feelings or even behaviors would pop up,
There was so much space between me and that,
That I could really choose,
I could choose to let a thing go,
I could choose not to have those thoughts,
There was just a lot of space.
And it's been beautiful.
And it's sort of the subject of this podcast and subject of the book I'm writing.
And to have this thing happen,
And have all that come up was very momentarily destabilizing.
And yeah,
Again,
This is for my clients,
Because I know we talk about it all the time where,
You know,
Something happens,
Whether it's like,
The ex-husband sends an email,
Or it's like,
The child hurts your feelings,
Or you know what I mean?
We all know the things that really just cut through all the armor and go straight to the heart and just penetrate.
And those are,
You know,
One of my favorite Michael Brown expressions is don't shoot the messenger,
Which is,
Hey,
You're feeling something,
That's the message.
The fact that you're feeling it means it's yours.
And the person who evoked that is really just a messenger.
Don't shoot the messenger.
The message is this emotion,
Or this story you're telling yourself,
Or this set of thoughts.
And the message is,
You need to look at this,
You need to hold this in the light.
Today was a day where I do believe I would have done it myself.
In fact,
I know it.
I know that my return to sanity is always,
It's inevitable.
It's inevitable.
My return to the light,
My return to reality with the capital R,
My return to God,
Whatever we want to call it,
It's inevitable.
And it would have happened.
But again,
To call somebody who knows me,
And where we know each other,
And we hold each other in a divine context,
It just sped up the process for me,
Probably by a day.
So I recommend that.
I recommend having those allies.
And yeah,
This was the other part that I wanted to talk about.
There were so many people who want me to call them when I'm hurting.
And that's a lovely thing to have friends like that and family.
But how the person you share these things with holds it,
Or is capable of holding it,
Is essential knowledge before you share things.
If that person doesn't have a context for divinity,
Or if they don't know how the psyche works,
And that the messenger,
First of all,
Is not even the issue,
Right?
You can almost just not even talk about that person,
Or what happened.
At a certain point,
You just got to get down with like,
What's going on in you,
Inside you.
Let's look at that together.
And let's recognize this as your stuff.
And let's see what we can do to hold space for healing of that.
And only after that,
Will it make any sense to involve the other person,
The so-called messenger.
And sometimes you just don't.
And sometimes you just have more clarity,
Right?
You might be like,
Oh,
Yeah,
I think this relationship is over.
Or you might be like,
Oh,
No,
Actually,
I think everything's fine.
I don't think I need to say anything.
Or you might be like,
Oh,
Yeah,
You know what,
There is something I want to share in the interest of offering this person actually a little insight into me and,
You know,
Opening this vulnerability as a thing we can hold together.
And that might benefit him and me.
But that's so different from wrath and devastation.
And yeah,
As I start to have the capacity to have this space around my pain body,
When it arises,
I'm really trying to be so careful about the word I choose.
I feel into my past with new eyes.
Like when the pain body flares up,
And I really feel like that's such a useful way to think about it in a way that's very,
Very simple.
When we get into things like internal family systems,
And even shamanic soul retrieval,
Any of those ways of looking at what our pain,
Where it comes from,
And what it's trying to tell us and what we can do about it,
It can get very complex,
Or it can feel very heady.
Whereas the pain body is so clear,
We don't have to get into analysis of it.
And then you can,
First of all,
Chill,
Don't do anything,
Right?
Except maybe call someone you know,
Who knows you well,
And who knows how to hold space for you and your pain body.
Whatever you do,
You're just not going to do anything,
And you're going to sit and find a way to shine the light on this thing.
And once you shine the light on a thing,
It's just so much smaller,
And so much less dark,
And less powerful.
When you already have access to your true self,
Your Buddha nature,
Whatever you want to call it,
I'm throwing all the religions in,
All the psychological theories in,
Your wise mind,
If we want to go to DBT.
Almost every system has a name for this enlightened consciousness,
Because it is inherent to our humanity.
So trust that.
Know that you returning to that is inevitable.
That sitting and breathing is your best option.
Calling a friend is your best option.
Making a map of your psyche for yourself,
So that you can externalize the situation and look at it as something separate from who you are,
Because it is.
Any of those things.
Call your therapist.
Whatever you do,
Just don't believe the hype,
The pain body hype.
The pain body hype is real,
And it wants you to do all kinds of crazy shit that you should not do.
So I hope this was a helpful episode,
Just sharing with you my own process and experience with this kind of eruption,
This internal eruption,
And honestly how quickly you can get back to source,
To the infinitely beautiful present moment.
Thank you so much for listening today.
This episode and every episode would be impossible without my amazing team,
The brilliant Chase Coughlin,
Who not only edits every episode,
But also composed the music for the show,
As well as Maya Young.
If you enjoyed listening,
Please leave us a review.
Thank you so much for listening,
And I will see you next time.
