Hey,
I'm Miche from the Spoonbenders Cafe,
And I want to talk to you about change.
Change takes practice.
Unlike the caterpillar to butterfly transformation example that you hear about so often,
Which pretty much do or die,
When we grow,
It involves new understanding,
Changing relationships,
Setting the old beliefs and behaviors aside.
It often involves self-judgment,
Uncertainty,
And just plain having a hard time applying the new version of us to what looks like the old version of everyday life.
You don't hear about a caterpillar becoming a butterfly and then going off to munch on some leaves,
And that earlier version saying,
Stop that,
We don't do that anymore,
You're a butterfly now,
Not a caterpillar.
And when we became a caterpillar,
We were supposed to leave all caterpillar things and desires behind.
Nope,
The story you hear all about is how there's this mighty transformation from caterpillar to butterfly,
The struggle to get out of the cocoon,
Maybe a little time to dry out and stretch its wings,
Collect itself,
And then woof,
Off into the field of flowers,
Gliding and floating and looking like it was just born to do that.
Oh yeah,
It was born to do that.
Pretty simple,
Straightforward.
It's not a fair analogy.
It's not like that with humans.
There's a lot more of a learning curve,
A spectrum,
A back and forth.
What they rarely include in the story is that while in the cocoon,
The caterpillar literally turns to mush,
Primordial juice,
And only one single cell remains,
The imaginal cell.
And from that,
The butterfly is formed and rebirthed.
All the DNA,
All the blueprint,
All the stories,
And only one tiny cell that would have any memory of what it was up to before.
It's not like that either for us humans.
When we go through change,
Most of the time,
We're dragging ourselves forward to some unknown destination with all the baggage and behaviors and internal warnings that we've been building up since we first got here.
The butterfly had its original baggage melted down,
Smelted,
To alchemically become something else.
We humans,
Aspiring,
Working to become something else,
More of our potential,
Are dragging our baggage along with us.
More than that,
It's like,
Imagine arriving in a new town with all your baggage,
As much as you were able to bring,
And you need to find a place to stay and a job,
And you're going all around town searching and interviewing,
But you have to carry all of that with you everywhere you go.
I'm not saying leave it behind or melt it down like the caterpillar.
I'm saying,
You might want to get a storage unit.
You might want to find a spot to put it,
And as you go forward,
Decide what of it you want to bring into the future.
I want to say,
Stop dragging your past into your future.
It's a bit of a wake-up call.
A friend and teacher said,
If you want to change,
There has to be change.
Duh.
Right?
Except,
When we step out into a new version of ourselves,
Often somewhat on shaky legs,
The old version is right there,
Offering what looks like steadiness,
Or stability,
Or just plain safety,
And it can be challenging to stretch forward into a new way when we're still stuck in what has been.
We don't just nibble our way out of the cocoon and then fly off,
Which is part of the reason that it takes practice to shift.
It's not enough to learn the new concept,
Have the aha moment,
And then fly off,
For the most part.
I don't think as the butterfly stumbles as it steps out onto the branch for the first time,
It mutters or curses their clumsiness,
Or deem themselves a failure.
People do.
We tell ourselves stories,
We make judgments,
We stumble,
We hesitate,
We get distracted,
We run into fellow butterflies who don't get what we're trying to do,
And we hold back.
That caterpillar doesn't have,
I'm guessing,
Other caterpillars saying,
Don't go in there.
No caterpillar ever comes out.
That fresh butterfly probably doesn't have any others on their branch going,
This,
And only this is how we do it.
My motive here is not to be discouraging,
And I will say flat out that I know change can happen easily,
Flow smoothly,
Transformation in a flash and stick.
I've seen it,
I've facilitated it,
And I've lived it.
That's not always how it goes though.
Great personal change and spiritual transformation more often comes in on shaky legs,
Unsteady balance.
It gains strength in bursts,
And you have to keep choosing it over and over again.
It's like a newborn giraffe,
Get up,
Fall down,
Get up,
Tip over,
Get up,
A few steps.
The difference,
The hole in this analogy,
Is that the newborn has got to keep applying and trying for survival's sake.
It's wired into its DNA,
She's got to figure it out or she's going to get left behind.
Not for us humans.
We have to provide our own motivation,
Our own stamina,
And stick to it repetition.
We have to choose our change over and over again.
And sometimes,
Well,
Often,
Our certainties and doubts and predispositions and life gets in the way and holds us back,
Or pulls us back,
Or takes our attention,
Or worse,
Leads us to conclude that we just can't.
That path can feel rocky,
With faltering progress and backsliding and often a sense of failure.
I've seen it,
I've lived it,
And facilitated myself and others out of that too.
Sometimes we're cruising along,
Feeling great,
Feeling confident,
And then something goes sideways and we might call the whole thing a failure or feel like we'll never get it.
The point I've been leaning in here toward is that it's usually not enough to just learn something or have a moment.
I mean,
It usually takes more than that to really embody that change in your life.
Change also changes.
The change you were making last month or even a day ago has morphed into a new present moment.
It's either a fresh present moment because you're responding with new eyes and wisdom,
Or it's the old past tense version of a present moment,
Being met with old information and a previous version of yourself.
Change is alive.
It keeps changing.
It requires applying it,
Practicing,
Assessing,
Shifting,
Choosing to really step into a new version of you and make it a fit.
That's part of the journey of being human,
As far as I can tell.
You can't just nibble your way out of a cocoon into the new version of you 2.
0.
It's a different kind of struggle.
So I want to give you a few ways that you can support yourself on your journey of change,
Whatever that is.
So first of all,
Look for what's different and new in your thoughts,
Your responses,
Your emotions,
Instead of looking for what is still the same.
Write about your wins,
Your moments of insight.
It could be just quick notes still.
Over time,
They'll help you have a perspective and see how far you've come.
You'll have a map of your change.
Have a buddy to help you see your change and reflect back and remind you who you're becoming.
Maybe reflect back why you started this change in the first place.
See yourself through the eyes of love and treat yourself with the kindness and patience and compassion that you would offer a dear friend or relative.
And laugh,
Laugh with yourself instead of at yourself.
I want to leave you with one more thought.
I believe in change and in growth.
I think change is an inevitable and pretty central part of life.
I think we're here to expand and explore,
Not because we're broken or wrong or missing something or not enough.
So what I want to leave you with is this knowing in whatever ways you're being and living true to yourself,
You already are a gift to all that is.
Thanks for listening.
I'm Meche Meisner.
I'm a healer,
Mentor,
Coach,
And agent of change.
I'm a self-proclaimed inspirational humorist,
So I'm hoping you're feeling inspired and that I made you laugh at least once.
If you'd like to have me speak to your group or organization,
Or if you would like some personal help with your own change,
Creating,
Sustaining,
Maintaining,
I'd be happy to chat with you about the possibilities.
Hope you're having a great day and thanks for listening.
