“I Feel Like A Fraud!” Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Imposter syndrome can pop up when something good happens in our life or it can hold us back from ever going after our dreams. In this Talk, I’m breaking down exactly what imposter syndrome is, where it comes from, and the concrete steps you can take to work through it and overcome it!

Listen to discover: What imposter syndrome is, Where it comes from, Practical steps to stop feeling like a fraud or an imposter

Transcript

Hello to all of my Insight Timer friends.

My name is Michelle Chalfant,

And I'm delighted that you're here with me today.

Welcome to my latest talk.

And as always,

After the show,

I love to hear your comments.

So make sure you leave a comment so I know how you liked it.

We'll talk soon.

And here we go with the latest episode.

Today's show is a topic that I'm realizing a lot of people struggle with.

I'm going to say struggle with would be a good word.

I was going to say suffer,

But I really feel like we struggle with it.

Some people do suffer with this.

And as I've said before,

A way to really take the power away from something is to talk about it.

So that's why we're talking about it.

And it's called imposter syndrome.

Another way of saying that is feeling like a fraud.

And I realize so many people suffer in silence or struggle in silence,

Living with this either all the time or from time to time.

So we're going to talk about what it is,

Where it comes from.

How do you know if you have it?

And of course,

How do we change this?

How do we really transcend this feeling like a fraud or an imposter?

And yeah,

I think you're going to like it because again,

I was even talking with a few people over the holidays.

I was like,

Some of these people are like,

Wait,

What?

You feel like a fraud?

Like,

And these are people that if you saw them or met them or spoke with them,

You would never,

Ever,

Ever guess in a million years that deep inside of them is this voice that tells them,

Shh,

Don't tell anybody or don't let anyone find me out because I'm really not who you think I am,

Or I'm not as good as you think I am.

It was shocking to me and that's why it's just really inspired me.

I'm like,

I got to talk about this because goodness gracious,

We don't want to live with this.

It's something actually I have even had creep into my life and it's just,

It's not comfortable.

There's nothing good about it.

Studies have shown that eight to 85% of us experience imposter syndrome.

Yeah.

So here's the thing.

If you feel this way,

Don't feel like you're the only one.

Share it with somebody and I will make a guess with you or bet with you that probably most people that you know have struggled with this at some point in their life.

They have had thoughts of feeling like a fraud or feeling like they're not good enough or feeling like they're going to get found out.

Again,

It can range from maybe an event,

You know,

When you're maybe have a certain kind of job or something is going on in your life to just a lifelong issue where that voice just creeps in and keeps reminding you that you are a fraud.

You are a fraud.

So really that's what it is.

It's the feeling that you're a fraud,

That you don't deserve compliments,

Praise or success actually that you've rightfully earned.

And it's a feeling of self doubt about your work or your accomplishments despite your education or training and years of experience.

What happens is we feel like,

Oh my gosh,

We have to get more experience.

We have to take more training.

We have to get more education.

We have to keep pushing ourselves because if we don't,

We're going to get found out.

And if you're found out and exposed as a fraud,

Your family,

Friends,

Coworkers,

Whomever they're going to find out that you're really not who you claim to be.

They're not who actually even everyone else thinks that you are.

You know,

People might praise you and inside you're going,

If they only knew the truth,

That's imposter syndrome.

So it's just a fear of being found out.

It's a fear of not feeling good enough on the inside.

It can also feel like when we have imposter syndrome that we feel like our success happened by chance or by luck.

In other words,

Like,

Oh wow,

I was just in the right place at the right time.

And this is really a mistake.

Like I should never have gotten this opportunity.

I just,

You know,

No one else was available.

It's like a secret,

Like don't tell anybody.

And it wasn't due to the hard work that you put in or the education or the years of experience that you have.

It's just by luck,

Like,

Oops,

How did this happen?

And here's the thing.

It's a very uncomfortable feeling.

It can like,

It feels like it's eating away at us from the inside out because it's like we're carrying around this big dark secret that we want no one to know about.

And it's just a feeling of endlessly,

You know,

Not feeling good enough.

And when that happens,

We can find ourselves just again,

Even filled with shame,

But also pushing ourselves so hard to do better.

But it's this never ending game because it's like,

It's never good enough.

The goalpost keeps getting moved around.

And it's like,

We try so hard to get there and nope,

Not this time.

Now you got to do this,

Work harder,

Work better,

Get more trainings,

Etc.

So where does it come from?

It can happen due to various life circumstances.

It can come from families that might have swung between an overpraise or excuse me overpraising and criticism while you're growing up.

That can lead to a feeling of fraud later in life,

Core beliefs that are not good enough,

Or I'm just not okay being me.

You know,

When we grew up in these households where we were criticized over and over again,

Or again,

Praised,

And we don't we didn't feel like we deserved that praise.

We swing,

The parents swing back and forth,

It's not good,

Because then it's confusing for the kid.

It's like,

Wait a minute,

I'm going to get found out that I'm not really this or I'm not really that.

So also,

It can come from comparison to others and never feeling good enough.

And having low self esteem or self worth.

And here's the thing,

When we have high self worth,

We believe in ourselves,

We feel worthy of our success and accomplishments.

We compare ourselves to others less,

If at all,

When we have high self worth,

We really stay in our own lane with who we are and what we do.

So it's critical to have self worth.

This is one of the ways we work ourselves out of feeling like a fraud or an imposter.

So let's go through.

How do we change our beliefs around this feeling of I'm a fraud or an imposter?

Understand as we talk about quite a bit in the adult chair model that it's just a part of you.

So if you remember,

This model talks about,

We are humans,

But made up of so many parts of self.

So one of our parts is this part of us that says,

I'm a fraud,

I'm an imposter.

Not all of you.

It's one part with a very loud voice,

Or actually a voice that comes in and whispers.

So just,

You need to understand that first and foremost.

It's not all of who you are,

Although it might feel like that,

It really isn't.

It's one single part feeding you incorrect thoughts about you and how that you're showing up in the world.

So the very first way and step that we change this imposter syndrome is to raise your awareness around it.

You've got to raise your awareness around it and say,

Hold on a second.

This isn't right.

This is a part of me.

This is happening again.

This voice is whispering,

What is going on?

And separate yourself from that voice.

And what I mean by that is,

Instead of the voice speaking directly to you,

Imagine pushing the voice across the room from you as if it's coming from someone else.

As if it's witnessing the thought,

Instead of letting the thought land on you and affecting you immediately and how you feel about yourself.

So raise your awareness and witness that thought.

Make it separate from you.

Number two,

Look for what's fact and truth around you being an imposter or a fraud.

So when we say fact and truth,

What I mean by that is ask yourself,

Is it a hundred percent true that your work is not very good or the thing that you're being told that you're a fraud about?

Ask yourself,

Is that a hundred percent true?

Is it true that it was by luck that you got your job or this opportunity?

What is true?

Did you put time and effort into it?

Did you put some energy into it where you are right now with this opportunity or this job or whatever is showing up for you?

Or is it just that maybe you're really good at it?

Maybe you don't have to prove it to anybody.

So again,

When we can become witness to it,

We give ourselves another perspective because there's space or there's room to inquire and ask,

Hey,

Wait a minute,

What's really going on here?

What is this?

What's true?

What's true about who I am?

Possibly could I deserve this job?

Could I deserve this?

Is that possible?

Do I deserve this?

Maybe I worked hard to get here.

Maybe I'm good enough.

So we've got to ask what's fact and truth and then we claim that.

We claim these things.

Number three is that we've got to challenge our thoughts.

Stop the negative unconscious thoughts.

Realize that this part of you that's speaking is unconscious.

Remember we have 70 to 90,

000 thoughts a day and when this part of you gets even slightly triggered,

This fraudulent imposter part,

When it gets triggered even a little bit or something lights it up,

A stream of thoughts beating up on you or again,

Making you feel bad about yourself are going to start coming in.

So I say this,

Don't let your rogue thoughts run your life.

Pay attention to what you are thinking and decide.

Here we now,

Decide.

You get to decide if you choose to believe in what you're thinking.

Remember it's a choice versus these default rogue thoughts that continue to run your life.

You get to decide and say to yourself,

Huh,

Hold on a second.

That's not true.

This thought is not true.

I'm not going to believe this.

Instead,

I'm going to choose a different thought.

When we become conscious with our thoughts,

Boy,

That's powerful.

That is when everything in our,

That's how the,

First of all,

When we change our thoughts and do positive conscious thoughts about who we are,

It feels better.

We have a different emotional response when we do that.

When we say things to ourselves like,

Wow,

I really did a good job.

Huh?

How does that feel?

Wow.

I really deserve this.

Wow.

I just got praise from my boss or from my coworker or from my friend about X,

Y,

And Z.

I'm going to let that land and I'm going to allow that to land on me and feel how great it feels.

But that's being conscious with our thinking and challenging these thoughts that are coming in that are not true.

But that takes effort.

It takes effort,

But it's possible.

And once you get in the habit of doing this,

It becomes a natural way that you live.

Number four,

Own and accept your accomplishments.

So here's,

Here's what I suggest is that you write them down because when you sit and just think about your accomplishments,

It's just in this,

It's out in the ethers.

You got to bring it down into your reality and own and accept who you are today.

You've had one heck of a life and I know that because we all have.

We've had ups and downs,

Mistakes and accomplishments,

All of the things because we're human.

We all have this.

What we're not great at doing is accepting and owning our accomplishments.

What have you done?

Where are you today?

What have you done that you could be proud of?

What have you done that you can give yourself a pat on the back over these kinds of things?

Making conscious thought about this absolutely starts to change how you feel and it starts to transform that part of you that thinks you are a fraud.

But when you write them down,

It just,

When you,

When you sit and look at something in front of you,

It truly changes you on the inside.

So just don't think about it or write these things down.

And again,

I don't care if you're listening and you say,

Well,

I didn't go to college or I didn't finish high school or I didn't finish college or I got a divorce or I can't make a marriage work or I can't make a relationship.

It doesn't matter.

They're still good.

You still have accomplishments.

I can't hold a job down.

You still have accomplishments because you're human.

We just have to look.

Sometimes we have to look really hard,

But once we start looking,

And this is what's hard because that fraud can be really loud and it wants to block us from looking at and noticing our accomplishments.

And we might find one and it'll say,

Well,

That thing that does,

That didn't mean anything.

That's stupid.

That wasn't a big deal.

I'm telling you it's a big deal.

The smallest,

Tiniest thing,

Please write it down and make a list and then look at everything on that list and own it,

Own it,

Own it,

Own it.

These are your accomplishments.

They're yours.

Claim them.

Be proud of them.

This changes the fraud.

Number five,

Build up your self-worth.

Self-worth is key to changing your mindset about being a fraud.

With self-worth,

You see,

Experience,

And value your worth.

Self-worth is all about value.

So how valuable are you?

And if you do the previous four steps,

It's going to build up your self-worth.

It's just going to start happening.

So when we want to change,

Create change in our lives,

Create a new perspective about how we see ourselves,

Got to do a little bit of work around this.

So this is really examining that part of you that's not being very kind and telling you that you're not good enough and you're a fraud.

But when you do these things,

That all changes.

And remember,

Imposter syndrome is much more common than you would think.

So don't feel like it's just you.

We really do want to keep this part of us a secret,

Like,

Oh gosh,

No one in the whole world has this,

Just me,

And I'm going to get found out.

I'm telling you,

Ask other people that you know,

They're going to have it too.

But the more we get to know this part and the thoughts it feeds us,

The more and faster it can and will change.

I speak from experience on this.

It really does transform.

It's like holding something under a microscope.

It just starts to change.

This is what happens when we look at something in this way.

It's like,

I'm pulling it out of me saying,

Let me really see what this is all about.

What does my fraud part want to tell me?

What's true about this fraud part and all the things that sharing with me,

You've got to get to know it to transform it.

This is the key to transforming the imposter syndrome feeling.

Thank you so much for joining me today.

I wish you a beautiful week and I'll see you next week for the next show.

Reviews

Thanks for the reminder that we do trust ourselves in what we achieve. If we achieved it, it's a success! You're not an imposter! Thank you🙏✨💫

Thanks

Amazingly insightful and so true. We know it’s there and in my experience the higher you climb the louder the voice diminishing your accomplishments get. Interestingly that is the voice you’ll believe even when that is the only voice saying those things. This a reminder how we can challenge that. Thank you Michelle as always ✨🌟✨

Love the wisdom and actionable steps to deal with imposter syndrome. Thank you! 🙏❤️