The Adult Chair Podcast: Healing Trauma

Trauma comes in many shapes and sizes. From single events to long-running experiences that take away our sense of safety and security. Even if it doesn’t involve physical harm, it can lead toward isolation, depression, severe anxiety, and overwhelm. This week on the show, Michelle is back with a DriveTime Download inspired by the conversation on The Adult Chair private Facebook group to reflect on the nature of trauma and steps we can take to move forward in our Adult Chair!

Transcript

Welcome to the adult chair everybody.

I'm Pete Wright and that over there is Michelle Schalfont.

Hi Pete.

You're not actively in the car right now,

Are you?

No,

I'm not in the car.

We're just doing,

We've got a few notes of housekeeping before you hijack the podcast and do another drive time.

That's what we need to call it.

It's a podcast hijack.

Michelle's hijack.

I love it.

Before we get started,

You know the drill everybody.

Head over to michelleschalfont.

Com and you can see all of the podcasts that we have ever,

Ever done.

You can subscribe for free to the mailing list.

Make sure you get an email every time a new episode goes live.

And of course you can hang out with us on all the various social media platforms.

Don't forget that Facebook private group.

It's really great.

And that in fact is where this particular inspiration for this week's show came from,

Right?

Yes.

I get a lot of inspirations out of this closed group.

So I had read a few things about trauma and really,

Really inspired me and I couldn't wait.

Couldn't wait for you.

You couldn't wait.

It's a,

It's a,

Yeah.

You were,

You were impassioned.

Yes.

You're on fire.

Especially the last 15 minutes you are on fire.

Of course.

And at the end you actually,

It sounds like,

So I've already listened and edited this as we're recording this.

At the end,

It actually sounds like you have to wipe sweat off your brow.

Like I feel like,

I feel like you're like,

Oh,

Okay.

It's so true.

I was up on a soapbox.

I was like,

Yeah.

It was so fun.

I felt like I was going to explode.

I was like,

I need to talk about this like immediately.

So I did.

I just,

You know,

I just recorded,

I literally stood up from my laptop,

Read all these things in the closed group.

I'm like,

I got to talk about this.

I got to talk about it right now.

And I couldn't call you at eight o'clock at night.

So well,

We've got a,

A,

A,

Just a little bit of housekeeping.

First of all,

You just wrapped up the adult chair level two class in Nashville,

Which was great for the first group of people to graduate from that class.

They had a great experience,

Huh?

You had fun.

You know,

I have one word for these classes for these weekend intensives.

I'm just going to say transformational,

You know,

Every single time we do a weekend intensive,

There's so much transformation,

Shifting,

Healing that happens.

And this was such a cool class because it really takes the work of the adult chair and it takes it to a new level.

Um,

We bring in a lot more spirituality in the second level.

So the first day is a lot,

A lot more.

It's again,

Some of it is review,

But deeper into the chairs,

We do a lot of chair work.

And then the second day is working with a higher self.

We spend half a day working on chakras,

Which was so much fun.

Everybody had a blast.

Everybody had a shift,

Lots of tears,

But they're good tears,

Lots of tears that were,

Um,

Again,

It was transformational.

So really,

Really looking forward to,

Um,

To Delray beach in two weeks,

Not even,

Not even two weeks.

Oh my gosh.

February 10th level one.

Excellent.

That's the plan.

This is it.

It's make your plans,

Buy your tickets.

Uh,

You can find out over the website,

Uh,

You can get registered and make sure that your name is on the list,

That you have a seat in Delray beach.

Uh,

It's coming up just,

Uh,

Just over a week as we publish this.

Don't miss it.

Nope.

Enjoy the show.

Everybody enjoyed the show and,

Uh,

Hopefully you will heal some trauma.

Yes.

Hi you guys.

It's time.

It's not exactly a drive time download,

But it is a download.

It's an at home download.

I'm feeling incredibly inspired and I need to talk about it.

So really I'm,

I'm excited because,

Um,

You know,

I get excited about just everything to do with all this adult chair work.

But,

Um,

This is again something that came up in the closed group and the adult chair closed group.

Uh,

There's a question that came up and the question was related to trauma.

This person was getting triggered and disassociating even because of movies or things would happen and disassociate.

And,

Um,

This person was asking some questions on how do you,

You know,

Not have that happen or get so triggered.

And there were a couple other people that have posted in there about similar topics.

So I thought trauma would be such a great topic to talk about and it really,

Really inspired me.

So I just want to share first of all,

Trauma and what it is.

And so many of us,

When we think about trauma,

We think about,

Um,

Like a car accident or a rape or some sort of abuse.

You know,

We think of nine 11 that was traumatic.

We think of,

Um,

The tsunami that was trauma.

I mean,

Huge trauma.

So we think of these one time events as being traumatic and,

Um,

They absolutely are.

And then they of course can lead to PTSD.

However,

What people do not talk about so much is the fact that trauma does not have to happen with just a big event like that.

There's also something called emotional and psychological trauma.

So this is the result of like stressful events that are often,

I'm reading this from my notes,

Actually from my level two class.

I'm going to read this to you guys.

So psychological and emotional trauma is the result of a stressful event that often repeats itself and takes away our sense of security.

So traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety,

But in any situation like living with a controlling person and manipulator,

Um,

A narcissist,

You know,

Sometimes as children were left or were abandoned,

Anything like that can lead to a feeling of overwhelming and isolation.

And it can be traumatic even if it does not involve physical harm.

Hmm.

What do you guys think of that?

Like that really hit me.

Um,

That's how I grew up.

I grew up and I remember,

I remember it was probably six years ago.

I remember I was standing,

Opening up my fridge and I said,

And I had this huge drop in awareness and I said,

Oh my God,

I have PTSD.

I didn't even know it until then.

It just,

I don't remember what had happened that day,

But I said,

What the hell?

How do I,

I have PTSD.

And it was so clear to me.

And I started thinking about my past and you all have heard me probably talk about my father's identical twin brother.

And um,

You know,

He was,

He had a lot of mental illness or mental health issues or a mental illness.

Um,

I don't exactly know what it was,

But there are numerous things.

Um,

He was never formally diagnosed,

But I'm definitely a rager narcissist.

Those I know for sure.

Probably borderline personality disorder,

Just a very interesting man.

And my father was the extreme opposite,

The most loving,

Genuine,

Beautiful man.

But um,

His brother,

The twin was very,

Very unsafe,

Did not have friends,

But absolutely loved my dad and would swing in,

Um,

To our house numerous times throughout the week.

So he would just come in and,

Um,

Look for my dad and just kind of walk in.

I remember hearing the garage door go up and the,

And when I would hear that,

I would feel this inside it.

Cause we just didn't know if he was coming and his energy was just so off.

Um,

His personality was so off.

It was extremely uncomfortable to be around him.

You never knew when he was going to blow up because he was a rager.

Um,

He drank too much,

Um,

Definitely an alcoholic and hated my mom.

And,

Um,

I think probably loved my sister and I definitely adored my dad,

But it was just a very awkward and interesting kind of relationship.

Definitely one that we could write a movie about my sister.

Should I have talked about it?

But anyway,

So it was repeated my whole life that he would pop in and every time he'd pop in,

I remember thinking,

Oh my God,

Someone has to protect my mom.

And that was the one thing that my father lacked.

And it was a giant thing because he was so loving,

But what he lacked were,

Um,

Or was he lacked boundaries.

He never stopped his brother from coming over because he used to say he's my identical twin.

He's like my right arm.

What do you want me to cut?

Cut my right arm off.

You know,

You know,

He'd say things like it's the alcohol,

You know,

That brings out the devil in him.

So just,

You just got to ignore it,

You know?

And I'm like,

God,

But he's so unsafe and he scares me and he scares mom and he scares her,

My little sister.

And it was just something that growing up I learned how to live with,

But I startled every time the garage door would go up.

Cause he would just come in.

Like there was no ringing the doorbell or knocking or announcing,

You know,

The day before.

He would just swing in maybe five days a week.

And we lived with him for the first 12 years of my life in a summer home that we'd moved to every summer on a lake.

So I was with the guy all the time,

But when we weren't living with him during the school year,

Um,

He was two miles away and we just swing in and,

Um,

The phone would ring.

I remember too,

And this is obviously pre-caller ID and pre-cell phones.

And even having the phone ring,

I remember looking at my mom and my sister thinking,

I don't want to answer the phone.

You answer the phone.

You answer.

We thought it would be him.

So again,

Growing up with it,

It became our norm.

We cope with it and we moved through it and it was just how it was.

And I went on with my life and,

Um,

Here I am now,

You know,

And it was in my forties and had this awareness like,

Holy crap,

I have PTSD.

I didn't even know it by the way until that day I was opening up their fridge.

Um,

But I had done so much personal work over all the years.

Of course I'd worked with the anger,

But didn't know necessarily that it was trauma.

And in doing some research on this level two class,

It became clearer and clearer to me,

The psychological trauma that so many of us live with just from maybe living with a narcissist or just from living with someone that was unsafe,

That did something repeated to us again,

Not physically abusive and just created this overwhelming.

And that's what I experienced every single day because there was an anticipation that he may come over or may not come over.

And my father,

You think he'll protect me or not,

But my father didn't see it as a problem.

So at any rate,

So when I think about people that have trauma,

Again,

Not the obvious traumas,

But any,

I should say this,

Any trauma,

Not just the obvious ones like a car accident,

But also these psychological traumas that we live with,

That we get stuck in.

And this is the big point I'm driving home to you guys.

We are taking a somatic training,

The somatic experiencing training.

And one of the things that we learned is there are parts of us that do not know that the trauma is over.

So we get stuck.

In fact,

I remember sitting next to a friend of mine in the training and we're watching a video of a guy that had,

I think it was like he had jumped out of an airplane and that was terrifying for her.

And the guy jumped out of the airplane and watching a video on it in class.

So the guy jumped out of the airplane and here he's drifting down with this parachute and it was over mountains and snow.

And then the guy eventually lands and then life goes on.

But he had one of the GoPros on,

So it felt like we were jumping out of the airplane.

So my heart was racing.

That was her greatest fear.

And I hate heights too,

But she really left her body.

She disassociated my friend that I was with.

So anyway,

The guy lands on the ground and,

Or I think he was a skier actually.

So he lands on the skis and he skis down the mountain and it's terrifying because it's like a cliff that he's skiing down and all this.

What was interesting though is my friend next to me stayed disassociated.

And one of the trainers had come up to her and I said,

My friend is still disassociated after that video like an hour ago.

And they said,

She doesn't know that he landed.

She doesn't know.

So we had to sit and talk to the part of her that said,

Hey,

You know,

I want you to know this guy landed.

You were not in the airplane or the helicopter and you had,

You did not have skis on and you landed.

You know,

You weren't there.

The guy landed,

You weren't even there,

But the guy did land and he's okay.

And after talking with her,

It was really interesting.

And then she goes,

Oh,

And then she had taken a deep breath and she goes,

I get it.

Okay,

Thank you.

And I could feel her energy was right back in her body.

That fascinated me because I realized how quickly we disassociate with even watching a video or a movie in the movie theater or at home because it triggers our past.

So here's something you guys can do that I have found really,

Really helpful when we're doing this work of the adult chair.

We need to educate the parts of us that are disassociating,

The parts of us that are scared,

The parts of us that are overwhelmed still because those parts are living in the past.

We need to educate them and let them know,

Hey,

I'm here.

Michelle is here.

It's 2018 and it's the specific date in 2018 and I've got this.

I'm okay.

It's okay.

I've got this and talk to that part.

So it might be doing some inner child work,

But maybe it's not even working with that inner child.

What I would do if you guys are disassociating or you're feeling overwhelmed and you're getting triggered by something and you know it's linked to your past,

Talk to the part of you that is overwhelmed,

That feels like it's unsafe and let it know that you're in charge.

The adult you,

The present tense adult you,

The part of you today is in charge of all of these parts.

And I think you guys have probably heard me say this,

But I want to repeat it again.

Think of yourself and your adult chair as the most amazing CEO of a company and you're at your Monday morning meeting and this amazing CEO,

Which is you,

Is going to sit and listen and talk to all of your employees.

Your employees are like your parts.

You've got one that's scared.

You've got one that's overwhelmed.

You've got one that things are going to get fired.

You've got one that thinks that you're going to die.

You got to hear from the parts of you that are triggered,

But you from your adult sit and say,

Okay,

Let me hear what you want to say or what do you need to say?

Go ahead.

I'm ready.

I'm going to listen.

So listen to the part of you or parts of you that are triggered.

That's so big with dealing with this trauma and educate that part.

I often do this with my clients.

I'll say,

Can you please tell that part what the date is today?

And then I'll ask that my client,

I'll say,

And can you ask that part of you what date?

And I'll usually ask this first,

How old do they think you are?

And it's always,

And I will say always a hundred percent of the time,

They think you're much younger and they don't know that time has moved forward because these parts get stuck and fragmented off of us and they don't know that time has moved forward.

So they're stuck in the past.

So we want to educate those parts,

Listen to them,

Find out what they need,

Let them know what today's date is and that you are here.

You were not here in the past,

But you're here now and you're sitting in your adult.

You're this very healthy person.

You may not know exactly what to do as adults.

We may not know because we haven't learned it yet,

But we're here and we're willing to learn.

So educating those parts that we are in today's date and we have moved forward and that you're in charge is huge.

It gets those parts to settle down.

I did this just yesterday.

I felt really,

Really overwhelmed and I started getting a little panicky and I could feel my heart start to race and I just stopped what I was doing and I said,

Okay,

Hold on,

What's happening?

And I tuned into myself.

I just dropped inside of myself and I noticed first that my heart was racing.

I noticed that my stomach was starting to clench up and I just took a slow deep breath and I said,

Hold on,

What's happening?

And again,

Slow down.

I slowed myself down and waited.

There's no rush.

I just waited and waited,

Took a deep breath and then I realized,

Wow,

I'm really,

Really overwhelmed.

I said,

Okay,

So there's a part of me that's overwhelmed.

Not all of Michelle is overwhelmed,

But a part that by the way feels like it's all of me,

But it's just a part that's really,

Really loud.

It's a part that's kind of taking over all my body.

And I've used this in the past and I love this.

I'm going to use it again.

This analogy of,

If you remember in The Wizard of Oz,

Oz was this big scary character and all the characters in The Wizard of Oz wanted to go there because he was this big,

Giant,

Magical guy.

And then once they finally got to see Oz at the very end,

He's this little short guy with a microphone.

That's how these parts are.

They feel like they're huge and scary and they've got these really,

Really loud voices,

But they actually don't.

It's just a little part that's having an emotion and it's rippling through the body.

So you,

From your adult,

Take a slow deep breath that gets us more relaxed,

That gets us more sliding back into the adult chair.

It's just a little part of you.

Typically,

If you're having a big intense feeling and emotion,

It's your child.

So this is exactly what I did.

And I slid over and I said,

Okay,

Hold on.

What's the emotion?

Okay.

After I realized it was my heart that was,

Or my chest that was tightening up,

My breathing was shallow,

My stomach was tightening up.

I said,

Okay,

I'm just really overwhelmed.

I said,

Okay.

So there's a part of me that's really overwhelmed.

Okay.

So gosh,

How old do I feel right now as I sit in this overwhelm?

And it was like,

Boom,

Immediately three years old.

I was like,

Wow.

So there's a part of me that's three years old.

That's really overwhelmed.

So I said,

Okay,

Okay.

Well,

Thank you.

Thank you.

Three year old.

And I got a visual of this little three year old girl,

Michelle standing in front of me and she was so cute and she was shaking.

She was so scared.

I looked at her and I said,

Oh honey.

And I reached out and in my mind just grabbed her by the hand.

She was standing in front of me and I was sitting down and I said,

Let's breathe together.

So we had a deep breath together.

And I said,

I just want you to know I'm here and I'm your adult.

I'm here to protect you.

I love you.

And I've got this.

It's going to be okay.

I said,

Let's breathe together again.

And I just imagine in my mind,

Imagine putting my hand on her little heart area and held her by my other hand.

And I'm just,

I really was doing this.

I could put my hand up in the air and I just imagine her standing there and I see this little girl start to slow down and calm down.

We took a deep breath together.

And I said to her again,

I said,

I just want you to know I've got this.

I'm going to take care of you.

I'm going to take care of this whole thing.

It's all going to be okay.

I promise.

Let's breathe.

And then she looked at me and she was less panicky.

My whole body was relaxed.

The stress was gone.

The overwhelming feeling was gone.

And this little girl that I'm imagining standing in front of me starts to smile.

And she said,

Can I give you a hug?

And I said,

Absolutely.

And I just imagine her climbing up in my lap and I had a pillow next to me and I grabbed the pillow and I just imagined this little girl and I hugged her,

Hugged her,

Hugged her and it was beautiful.

And it was done,

Completely done.

So I think that what had happened though was this overwhelmed from my childhood,

It came up.

So this old trauma,

This PTSD stuff,

So overwhelmed for me,

I realize is a common theme and it happens less frequently than ever before.

And I know in my 20s,

It was something that happened all the time.

It probably played a huge role into my mood swings because I would have huge overwhelm and then my mood would go down.

And then I would feel less overwhelmed and my mood would go up.

But if you think about it,

It's all old stuff.

But I educated that part of me that I worked with yesterday that,

You know what?

It's okay.

I got this.

And it's January,

It's 2018 and I'm here and it's okay.

And this overwhelm that you're feeling,

It's okay.

I'm going to take care of you.

I know no one was around when you were three years old to do that,

But I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it.

The other thing I want to share with you guys about trauma specifically,

And any trauma this will work with,

And I want everyone to hear,

I'm not making light of EMDR.

I do brain spotting.

I do some somatic work with people.

There's many,

Many,

Many wonderful trauma techniques out there and tools.

I am not making light of any of them.

I'm offering you something else.

This is how we do trauma from the chairs.

And again,

It's not to say that I don't use brain spotting or somatic.

I don't use them hardly at all anymore,

But I do use the somatic work,

Which is feeling it in the body.

I really do that because that helps move the energy through.

And if you want more information on how do you feel your feelings,

I did a drive time download on that.

You can just go do a search for it on the website,

Michellechelfont.

Com.

Just type in,

There's a search bar you guys and you can just type in,

How do I feel my emotions?

And boom,

It'll come right up.

Anyway,

That's a little side note for you.

But here's another thing that you can do with trauma.

This has changed the game for me and for other clients as well.

That is,

Again,

When you think about trauma and based on what I just said to you,

When we have a trauma or a repeated trauma like I'm talking about,

Or like many of you I know that have had traumas in living with a narcissist or living with an abuser that's emotionally abusive or a psychopath or any of these kinds of people,

What I find that we do,

And again,

I did this too in my twenties I remember and even in my early thirties,

I would turn to my past and I would say,

Oh,

Well,

I'm this way.

Like I had mood swings in my twenties,

In my early thirties until I really got clear about all this.

I'm this way because fill in the blank.

You know,

I lived with an abuser.

My uncle was like this.

My mother didn't do this or my mother did this or my father didn't do this.

And I could tell you why I had this trauma and I would talk about it.

And I could point in my past why I had that trauma.

Okay.

And why I was the way I am today.

So let's use the mood swings for an example.

I have these moods and mood swings because of so-and-so and the trauma that I experienced.

And what I realized was specifically in learning this work,

I remember learning like,

I got to point forward.

Like I am,

I am not getting any better with the blame game.

And then,

You know,

Really creating and delving into this adult chair work and learning so much more about my parts about 10 years ago is when I realized I got to drop the blame game because it ain't helping me.

It does not help me.

And I'm going to take responsibility for my whole entire life.

That was a game changer.

So I'm going to stop blaming everyone.

It is what it is.

And then what I started to do and I incorporated a lot of this into this adult chair model is with trauma,

It's time and even in anything we can do this if we don't have a trauma,

We can do this if we're healthy.

It's time to write what I call Act 2 or a new script for your life.

So instead of turning backwards and looking at what's wrong,

Who are all the players that made me the way I am today?

Who are all the players that created this trauma?

Look forward and who do you want to be as you look forward?

Instead of this is who I am because of all these people in my past,

Who do you want to be instead?

Who do you want to be?

Clean up your story.

So when we write a new story,

This is really good for turning trauma around by the way,

When I write a new story with myself as the hero,

With myself as the survivor,

Right?

When I write the story from that perspective,

I go from the victim to the empowered woman.

I go from giving my power away and losing my power to gaining my power.

It changes everything.

So instead of thinking of ourselves,

I'll use myself as an example,

Instead of thinking about,

Oh,

Well,

My uncle did this and my father never stopped it and my mother didn't do anything and she confided too much in me and then I was codependent because of it and blah,

Blah,

Blah,

You know,

All of that stuff.

When you start journaling it and writing,

How else can I see this?

You know,

If you think about the facets of a diamond,

It's like I can look through one facet and everything looks like this.

If I turn a millimeter to the left,

Right,

And I look through the same diamond,

Everything looks different.

So move a millimeter or two or three or four or five and then see if you can look to your past and see it differently.

But with yourself as the survivor and the hero,

With yourself as the healthy person,

Write your story with what the heck did you learn in that environment?

Can you let go of blame and start?

And you know what?

I'm not saying you can,

Maybe some people cannot jump into this right away and go,

Oh,

Well,

I'm still mad or I don't want to let it go.

That keeps us stuck in the past.

I'm telling you,

Until I said,

How can I be the star in my movie of life?

How can I be the star in this story?

How can I be that?

I had to rewrite my story.

When I started to rewrite it and go,

Okay,

Gosh,

Okay.

So my mother and I were very codependent.

She turned to me because my father was leaning on my uncle and he wasn't available.

So my mother and I got very codependent and my sister and I felt like I had to take care of it.

That was my story for so many years until I said,

Okay,

So what did I learn from that?

How did I survive from that?

And I realized,

You know what?

I'm really,

Really strong.

I'm really strong now because of all of that shit from my childhood.

I'm freaking strong and I love how strong I am.

I am fabulous at what I do and I don't say that from an adolescent,

Egoic,

Arrogant place.

It's facts.

And the reason I'm so good at all this is because I have done my,

For God's sake,

I have done,

My friends laugh at me,

So much research,

So much therapy,

So many lectures,

So many workshops,

So many certifications.

And I did all of those certifications and trainings because I felt I was in the blame game for so many years,

But you know what?

It got me to where I am today.

So I can now like bang and go,

God,

I'm so glad I had all that shit to work through from my childhood.

And now because of that,

It drove me to learn as much as I can.

And now I'm so grateful.

I have tears in my eyes at least once a week when I think about sharing all this information and seeing so many people heal.

It brings me so much joy to share this podcast and this information with you guys.

And I know that people are changing and healing that to me.

Forget it.

That's everything.

So I'm grateful and I see it now,

But you guys look at your story.

How can you rewrite your story?

What did you gain?

Because let me tell you something.

We all gain.

We all learn.

We have experiences,

But you got to let go of the blame.

And you did not hear me say a word about forgiveness.

I'm not even going there in this podcast.

I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about let go of blame.

Just let go of it and change your story.

How can you be the star of your story?

What did you learn from the narcissist that you lived with?

What did you learn from being abandoned?

How did it make you into the person you are today?

You are the star of your own movie.

What makes you great?

What do you want to do in your future?

Who are you?

We get lost.

I'm sorry.

We get lost in our drama and our story when we are turning into the past.

Stop it.

We have to turn and face forward and go,

Who am I going to be?

Who am I going to be for the rest of my life?

And I need to leave these freaking anchors that are tied around my ankles and they are preventing me from moving forward because I keep turning backwards.

Again,

I am not making light of anybody's trauma,

But we learn from every single life experience that we have.

Every single one.

How did you gain and change who you are today because of what you learned from the past?

So can you let go of some of these traumas or the big trauma or all of the,

Can you just let it go and leave it in the past and move forward?

Like I did yesterday,

I got triggered again.

And I know some people might be thinking,

Well,

Yours wasn't that big of a deal.

It was a freaking huge deal to grow up the way I did.

Let me tell you,

Huge.

My sister and I are still working through it and we will probably be working through it forever.

However,

We worked through the bulk of it many,

Many years ago,

Many years ago,

But it still comes up once in a while and grabs us like it did to me yesterday.

But I looked at it and I said,

It's okay.

I'm going to be okay.

And I have to remind myself,

My father's deceased,

My uncle's deceased.

I don't even live near anybody.

I live out in Nashville.

So I'm by myself here.

I'm okay.

And I have to remind those parts.

It's like updating programs.

We all update our phones.

We update our laptops.

We update our iPads,

All this stuff.

You got to update the program that's inside the mind.

And if your mind is stuck in the past,

In the trauma,

Then you're going to keep going back there.

Update it to today,

To 2018.

Who are you today?

So write your new story.

And I'm not kidding when I say write it,

Don't daydream it.

You've got to write it down and you've got to put it on paper because when we daydream it,

It's up in the ethers.

Okay.

You got to bring it down through your being and put it on paper,

Pen to paper.

And I'm telling you,

It changes us on the inside.

Write down who do you want to be?

Do you want to be somebody that's more social?

Write it down.

How do you see yourself in the future?

Are you married?

Are you divorced?

Are you not married?

Are you happy?

Are you throwing dinner parties?

Are you hiking in Mount Everest?

Are you water skiing somewhere?

Are you starting a new garden?

Who are you?

Like,

What do you want to do with your life?

Write it down.

Write it down.

You know,

I love this journaling and I talk so much about it and writing down,

Act two of your life,

Second half of your life,

Which starts today is one of the most empowering things you can do.

And it absolutely helps to heal this trauma from your past.

Once we write down our new story,

We are focused forward and we are not to go back to the old story.

It's not that I'm discounting our past or anything like that.

It's that we are moving and updating our programs by facing forward.

So that means if someone comes up and asks you about your past,

Don't tell the old story that's disempowering and puts you back in that old energy,

That old yucky space that you were in that makes you feel bad,

That makes you feel overwhelmed,

That makes you feel victimy,

That makes you want to blame.

What's the new story?

Maybe you tell the new story like,

Yeah,

I'm really grateful that I had that or maybe you can't get to that place yet of saying grateful,

But you know what?

I am who I am because of my past and I'm moving forward.

That's all you got to say.

It's that simple.

But we absolutely,

Absolutely need to point forward and put your new story out in front of you.

And that is the new story that you tell people when they ask you or when you get triggered.

That is the story you're using with the parts that are getting triggered.

That is what I did with my little child yesterday.

She got triggered.

I said,

Hey,

I got this.

It's okay.

I did not go and say,

You know,

That's my uncle's fault or that's my mother's fault or that's so no,

I was like,

Yeah,

I know.

It's okay.

We're overwhelmed.

Okay.

Just for a moment,

We're gonna,

I'm gonna sit with you in it.

I'm not moving her out of it.

I let her get out of it in her own time.

I just my presence with her,

This little part of me moves her out of it.

That's how we work with trauma.

Okay.

Point yourself forward,

Tell a new story and don't let anyone get in the way of your new story,

Especially you thinking about the past.

Okay.

I'm done.

I'm climbing off of my soap box,

My trauma soap box.

Hope you all enjoyed this.

Let me know how you write your act two.

I'd like to hear about what some of you are writing about for your act two.

Um,

How is it going to be different from part one or act one of your life?

Let me know what's going on in the closed group and um,

I love you guys.

I will talk to you soon.

Reviews

Right on!!! I love how you work with disassociation. You didn’t lLabel it as a mental disorder. ☺️
My little girl is 5, and I have taken her hand and given her many hugs. I remind her how smart and kind she is and how much I love her. It’s a healing in progress. I like your approach of stopping and checking in when you are overwhelmed!!! It’s time for me to take responsible as a grown up and protect my inner child. Thank you♥️

Namasté 🙏🏼

Such valuable advice 🙏 I was able to relate so much and I loved the metaphors withe the CEO and the Wizard of Oz. I also came to understand that everything that happens to us it is in a way helping us become stronger, wiser and gives depth to our souls. Thank you so much for talking about this ❤

Holy $&@!, Michelle! This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this juncture in my healing process. I’ve been stuck in the old story for a long time. Time to write the new one. Thank you so much.

A very empowering message - delivered with assertiveness and confidence-boosting conviction. Thank you🙏

This is amazing!❣️ Thank you so much Michelle! I've listened to this Talk twice and will continue to listen to it. 🙏☮️ We are not our past and we can acknowledge that these traumas have occurred and move on to the 2nd Act!

Thank you so much, I really enjoy your podcasts. Can someone cause their own trauma?

Wow you explained so much to be about my symptoms. Thank you

This was a great listen. Very powerful stuff. Thank you, Michelle!

A-m-a-z-i-n-g as always! Love your podcasts

Wow. I’m really moved by this. I’m curious, do you have a talk on empaths who feel a person they love’s trauma too much?
Not loving their trauma, but loving the person who has had extreme past trauma yet is too scared to face it.
Thank you for these podcasts Michelle.
I’m very grateful.
Namaste
💐🐾💫🌸🙏🏽✨🌺💕🌸🌟🌼

This resonated so deep within me that I am going to journal right now!! Thank you Michele, I would love to experience one of your workshops!

Excellent. Thank you!

Super thank you!

Very helpful and validating, thank you(:

This really made sense! Wise advice for all of us who tell the old story! Thank you ♡

Great advice on how to reset yourself. My triggers are everywhere!!!! Thank you 🙏🏽

Amazing! Need to hear that!

Wonderful! Thank you x

Wonderful! Thank you!