Healing Through Tantra

Ready to unlock the secrets of Tantra? This episode is a game-changer! We have the amazing Kimberly Coffin with us, certified trauma-informed sex, love, and relationship teacher. Trust me, she's here to blow your mind about what Tantra truly is!

We dive deep into how Tantra intertwines with meditation, breathwork, and inner child work. Think of it as a holistic approach that aligns perfectly with The Adult Chair model to promote emotional well-being and healing. Kimberly breaks down practical tantric techniques to help women combat societal conditioning and body image issues, making it easier to reconnect with your body and rediscover everyday joy.

Trigger Warning: This practice includes some strong language. Please proceed with caution.

Transcript

Hi,

I'm Michelle Chalfant,

Psychotherapist,

Holistic life coach,

And human,

Just like you,

Learning to navigate life's challenges.

With over 25 years experience,

I teach people how to get healthy using the adult chair model.

The adult chair model is where simple psychology meets grounded spirituality,

And it teaches us how to become healthy adults.

From anxiety and depression to codependency and relationship issues,

You can use the adult chair for just about anything.

Each week,

I share practical tips,

Tools and advice from myself and a wide range of experts on how to get unstuck,

How to live authentically,

And how to truly love yourself,

All while sitting in your adult chair.

Welcome to the adult chair podcast.

Hello,

Everybody,

And welcome to the adult chair podcast.

I am Michelle Chalfant.

Happy to be here with you having this conversation that really was a bit of a mind blow for me.

I'm not going to lie.

But before we get into it,

I just want to say today's show is not for little ears.

So if you have a child with you,

Please pause the show and listen when you are not with your child,

Because we got into it today.

Yes.

So there is some explicitness in today's show.

So definitely we do not want children to be hearing the show.

Okay,

What did we talk about?

I had Kimberly Moore Coffin on the show today.

And we talked about healing and Tantra.

Now,

I got to be honest with you,

The term Tantra,

Whenever I've heard it in the past,

I always think of Tantra sex.

In fact,

I put the word sex with Tantra.

And by the way,

I am wrong.

Did you know that sex is only eight to 10% of what Tantra is?

I did not know this.

I just assumed sex was linked with the word Tantra.

Did you know that Tantra is actually all about awakening,

Embodiment,

Healing,

And healing trauma,

Healing shame,

Feeling self love,

Working with your inner child,

Breath,

Meditation.

It's like so many incredible things.

In fact,

It's all the things that I've taught for 20 years.

It's all the things that are part of the adult chair.

It's so much of what I already do.

I'm like,

Wait a minute.

That's Tantra?

I had no idea.

Now,

Can sexuality,

Can sex be part of Tantra?

Absolutely,

Yes.

But it's more than anything about energy and moving energy through the body,

And also embodying energy and emotions and all the things.

Anyway,

As you can tell,

I'm a little bit mind blown.

What an incredible show this was.

I am diving head deep straight into Tantra after today's show.

I've read a few books.

I've dabbled in a little bit.

Boy,

Was I wrong.

So I cannot wait to hear what you think about this show.

Make sure you drop it in the comments of wherever you're listening.

Drop below.

I really,

Really want to hear how you like the show.

So let me tell you a little bit about Kimberly Moore Coffin.

She is a certified trauma-informed sex,

Love,

And relationship teacher,

As well as a Tantra teacher,

Speaker,

And coach for women and couples.

She's a best-selling author and a graduate of Layla Martin's Institute for Integrated Tantric Sexuality,

And the founder of Get Your Sexy Back.

Kim specializes in Tantra,

Sexuality,

And relationship transformation,

Giving you the tools to unleash your innate confidence and unlock profound new levels of self-love,

Pleasure,

Empowerment,

And intimacy with yourself,

And of course,

In your relationships.

What a conversation we had.

So without further ado,

I'm going to welcome to the show,

Kimberly Moore Coffin.

Here we go.

So welcome to the Adult Share Podcast,

Kimberly Moore Coffin.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for having me.

I'm really excited to record this show with you.

I'm excited to have you record the show with me because when your team sent in a request,

I was telling you that my team was like,

What's this?

No.

And I said,

Oh no,

We're saying yes to this.

We want someone that knows Tantra to be on this show.

I've been looking and I was telling you,

I had some ideas in mind of different people.

So when I read about you and who you trained with Layla Martin,

I was like,

Oh yeah,

We're having Kim on the show.

So thank you for saying yes.

And thank you for writing it because we're really excited to have you.

So let's talk about,

Gosh,

What the heck is Tantra?

Let's just dive straight on it,

Kim,

Because this is a term that has been around for a long time,

Obviously,

But I'm hearing it more and more now trickling into the mainstream and people are like,

What,

What's that?

Don't know what that is.

They have opinions about it.

And I realized that a lot of people that have opinions don't even know what the heck it is.

So please enlighten us on what is Tantra?

Yeah,

That's so interesting because yeah,

I remember reading,

I think at like 16 in a Cosmo magazine,

Tantra.

Like I remember going,

Oh,

Let's read this.

And I think we tried it like one night with my partner and partner boyfriend at the time.

And it was like,

Yeah,

Whatever.

Like,

I was like,

I don't know what this is because it's not something you can just do once and say you tried it.

It is a practice.

It's a way of being.

And let's also name what it also isn't.

It isn't a bunch of sexual practices.

And sorry,

Let me reframe that.

It isn't a bunch of sexual positions.

Most people think it's all about these positions of different ways to have sex per se,

But sexuality is actually only about 8 to 10% of Tantra.

It's not all about sexuality.

So what is Tantra?

It's such a huge question because it is almost something that you have to experience yourself to actually feel and then you're like,

Oh,

Okay.

But some of the big core concepts are,

It's about connection.

It's about connection to yourself.

It's about connection to your body.

It's about connection to your sensuality,

To your feminine power.

If you're a female,

Female,

Oh my gosh,

I'm pulling a full blank here.

I'm in perimenopause.

My brain goes on and off like a switch sometimes.

And sometimes I just can't even remember what I'm thinking and saying.

Honey,

You're speaking my language.

I get it.

Like,

What was I talking about?

What am I doing here?

It's just like deletes.

It's like the file deletes and you're like,

Come back,

Come back.

Anyway,

If you're in a female body and you're using your feminine energy,

That is your feminine power also that you're connecting to,

Right?

You're connecting to your intuition.

You're connecting also to your sexuality.

And then you're also connecting to a partner or partners,

Whatever it is that you have in that way.

And at the same time,

You're also connecting to the universe,

To the divine,

To the sacred all at once.

And it's coming like into a wholeness.

It's coming into a truth,

Into who you are,

Like really excavating who you are.

And we use a whole pile,

A set of practices and rituals,

Breath work,

Meditation,

You name it.

And it is a practice.

It's yoga is a part of Tantra.

That is the way that Tantra originally came into the West was through yoga.

So it's like yoga.

It's like a practice.

Now,

Are we sitting on a mat and doing a bunch of poses for an hour?

No,

It's not exactly like that.

But in the philosophy that you're bringing in meditation,

You're bringing in connection,

You're bringing in presence,

You're coming home to who you are.

And there's also a ton of approval,

A ton of approval for everything you think,

Everything you do,

Everything you don't do,

The parts of you that you dislike,

There's a whole pile weaved in there.

And I chose the word weaving there because actually Tantra means to weave.

We are weaving in the spiritual and the physical.

We're playing with sacred sexuality for a lot of practices.

That's that eight or 10% that is sexuality,

Where you can practice solo or you can practice as a couple.

And you're learning how to connect with your body,

Your breath,

Your pleasure,

Your energy.

You're really accessing these deeper levels of who you are.

And we're not negating our emotions,

We're feeling like we're truly feeling every single emotion,

Our rage,

Our grief,

Our fear,

Our pleasure,

All of it,

It's all welcome.

And that is so,

So important.

And we're ultimately going beyond who we are and just really coming into a really grounded,

A really aligned presence that we can weave through our entire life.

Like right now,

Tantra infuses not just my practice,

But it infuses the way I parent,

It infuses the way I do business,

It infuses the way I relate with my partner,

All of it,

All of it.

There's so much more,

But ask questions.

No,

I love all of what you just said.

And my question is,

Is Tantra.

.

.

So I'm hearing practice,

I'm hearing embodiment,

I'm hearing healing,

All of these beautiful terms.

So to me,

It's therapy or coaching.

It has changed my life.

It literally has.

I have personally healed from sexual assault.

I was sexually assaulted by my stepfather at 13 that ran all the way through my 20s,

My 30s,

Having babies,

You name it.

And it was coming out through my body in many ways.

And it is the way that I actually was able to come home in my body and to heal and actually start to love my body again.

That part is so,

So important.

And that is through Tantra that it allowed it.

I had tried so many other things over the years,

But it is through the practices of really learning to love every single part of me and connect to every single part of me,

The dark parts,

The fears,

The shadows,

The traumas,

All of it,

That is how I actually have done my healing work.

Wow.

Now,

In order to do Tantra,

Do you need another person or is it something that you can do alone?

Great question.

I did my journey six years,

Seven years on my own.

Then I invited a partner into this work.

So yeah,

Solo practice is beautiful.

Can you start with a partner and just go from there?

Absolutely.

But you also are going to have your own solo journey built into there.

Okay.

So,

And I love that it's about discovering who you truly are.

Like really,

Who are you?

And you can't know that unless you are embodied,

Unless you're feeling your emotions.

Like you're speaking all the language I use with my people.

I'm like,

Wait,

You got to feel your emotions.

You got to be embodied.

You got to be grounded.

You got to be part in yourself.

So then how is it different?

So tell us more.

So it incorporates meditation.

Even you said,

I think some yoga,

Breath work,

All of the things.

Tell us a little bit about like what your journey was like.

I'm curious to know what your healing journey was like,

I guess,

Using Tantra and how it would be different than sitting home and doing breath work than sitting home and let me do it.

Like right now I meditate.

I do breath work.

I do gratitude.

I even do yoga.

Does that mean I'm doing Tantra?

No.

Right.

So what's the difference?

Yeah.

So where is it sounds like you're doing lots of little pieces in there.

I'm curious actually what kind of breath work you're doing and if it would be very similar to the ones that I'm certified in.

There's also a different part of like we're using felt sense right as well.

And we're leaning into and working with inner children and we're working with sensations that are coming up in our bodies,

Which I'm pretty sure you're most likely very familiar with.

Right.

So the part that sounds like maybe you aren't using at the moment might be the sacred sexuality piece just for you in particular.

Right.

And it is a combination of bringing it all together.

So when I work with my clients,

We are bringing it all together.

We're weaving it all together.

It might be a practice that includes breath work with some sacred sexuality.

It might be breath work with some connection to body.

Maybe there's a part of body.

There's a huge part of really learning how to love your body that also came out of Tantra for me,

Which I find is very true to almost every female identifying human that I meet out there where they just,

You know,

They hate certain parts of their body.

We're just,

It's from society,

Right.

And conditioning and so forth.

And I realized that,

You know,

Over years when it was like,

Okay,

I was a size four and size 14.

And I still,

No matter what,

Didn't like my body.

Right.

There's a really key indicator there that something is amiss.

So I learned how to really,

Really,

Truly love my body through the lens of Tantra.

And it's through these practices,

It's specific practices that yes,

Include embodiment,

Include breath work,

Include energy play.

So some of the five key elements in Tantra that we're playing with are playing with breath,

Right?

We're playing with intention.

We're playing with energy,

Definitely playing with movement.

We want to bring in movement and allow our body to be free because we're holding stuck traumas and so forth in our bodies.

And the last one,

Having a moment again,

It's energy,

Breath,

Sound,

Playing with sound,

Right?

Again,

Allowing ourselves to unleash.

So sacred sexuality practices might be specifically something that you want to play with because you already know the breath work and you're doing meditation.

So you drop in,

I think really quickly into the sacred sexuality practices where you get to just be in and the goal isn't,

You know,

Some people be like,

Okay,

It's all about orgasm and hitting the peak.

It's not,

It's actually about just simply following your pleasure.

And what will come up in sacred sexuality practices might be a belief.

Oh,

I'm not doing it right.

It could be a fear.

I can't be that loud.

It could be,

Oh,

I can't move like right,

Whatever it may be and working with those pieces as they come up.

So every single person's journey through a tantric practice is very different because you just don't know what's going to come up.

And the question is,

Can you hold those parts that come up?

Can you hold those parts that are showing up?

Hmm.

Do you find that with all your clients that when you get to the,

I like the word pleasure that you use many,

Is it many women versus men?

Would you say are stuck or detached or not aware of what brings them pleasure?

Almost all.

Yeah.

Men or women or both?

Both.

Both.

Women typically come and say I'm numb.

I don't feel anything.

Pleasure has been disconnected.

And that is,

I think,

Because we have disconnected from our bodies for such a long time.

If you go back and look at when we're toddlers,

We know what we want.

We're running around naked.

We don't care who's looking at us.

We are not eating those peas and we're not going to bed like good luck making us right.

We know without a doubt what we want,

What we're going to do.

And I see the same with men.

So I do see the same with they think and have been conditioned that their pleasure is one way.

Porn has influenced that unfortunately.

And that is not the way that is not the way that brings you into an embodied following your pleasure with full permission for whatever shows up to is perfectly alive and acceptable.

And I think too,

We think of sex,

Like,

Okay,

Like,

You know,

There's one way or two ways,

Let's say to have sex or three ways.

But when you,

I like this word pleasure,

Because I think it was like a couple of weeks ago,

Graham and I were sitting and I said,

Here it is.

I want you to close your eyes and give me your hand.

And I just started to massage his hand.

That's all I did.

And then it was so fascinating to me.

So I was massaging his hand.

And then he grabbed my hand,

My other hand and started massaging my hand.

And I said,

I don't need you to massage my hand.

Can you just receive a hand massage,

But I want you to close your eyes.

It was this very simple,

What I thought like simple,

Like little fun thing that we were doing.

And it was a form of Tantra.

It was again,

Receiving so many things go into a simple hand massage.

Receiving so important.

Oh my God.

And he kept reaching from,

I said,

Stop thinking you have to massage my hand.

I'm just massaging your hand.

So finally he sat and he said,

Okay.

And I just massaged his hand.

And then I took my fingers and like delicately was touching his fingers and things like that.

And then it was like,

I don't know,

Five minutes,

Maybe I said,

Okay,

Open your eyes.

I said,

How was that for you?

I was just curious.

And he goes,

That was freaking amazing.

He said,

Who knew?

He goes,

I felt ripples go through my whole body,

Head to toe,

Yada,

Yada,

Yada.

Like it was wild.

I said,

Okay,

Do me.

It was just my hand,

You know?

And,

And so,

So this is what we're exploring is this idea of gosh,

Like this is Tantra.

Like,

So we're learning as we go,

You know,

We have a few books and things like that,

But it's just the baby we're in the baby,

Baby,

Baby steps,

But I'm blown away.

A few years ago,

I remember we even started doing prolonged hugs.

So instead of these quick,

Like hugs,

I said,

Let's hold it for 30 seconds.

And then I held it for a minute and they were true blue hugs.

And by the way,

They happened in our kitchen.

We weren't,

You know,

Naked in bed hugging,

But it was in a kitchen and hugging for longer than a minute,

But we were in it.

And I realized,

Gosh,

I don't think I've ever done this with such intention where I'm just hugging and staying in my body,

Being embodied with a hug longer than a minute.

We lasted five minutes by the end.

I felt energy going up and down my spine,

Probably the Kundalini was up and down.

I was crying.

It was like,

Whoa.

So I realized how detached I was.

And then again,

Having not that I had a lot of couples,

Clients over the years,

But I realized just talking to friends and other people,

Like,

We don't do this kind of thing we do.

Oh,

We have to have sex.

Like,

Let's just go have sex done.

Check it off the list.

And I think you're like,

So many of us are just detached from that.

And wow,

It's like a whole new world,

A hand massage,

Like who the hell knew?

It's a whole new world,

Whole new world.

So can you talk a little bit more about like,

Again,

Tantra again,

I'm still not,

We need to,

Can we ground it?

And I know it's not grounded,

But it's so tricky.

And you even mentioned inner child work.

I do inner child work.

I have an inner child course coming.

Like I do all this to me,

As I listened to you and please correct me if I'm wrong,

Because I'm guessing,

But there's an embodiment piece.

There's a pleasure piece.

This is what you're adding into the breath,

The meditation,

The yoga,

All the things that we do,

The gratitude,

All these things that we do to really step into the present moment space and experience pleasure.

And I'm,

I'm not freaking talking about sex yet.

I'm just talking about pleasure and I got to tell you something.

Can you just touch your face?

Can you just touch your neck?

Oh my God.

Totally drag your fingers over,

Over your partner's fingertips down their chest,

Man,

Woman,

Doesn't matter.

I did that next to grab.

He was like,

I have,

He had shivers,

Like head to toe.

And I thought I've been missing something for the last 56 years of my life.

Like what is going on like what is going on here?

And this I think is what Tantra is awakening for humans on this planet right now.

This is why I wanted to have you on,

Because this is what we're missing.

Like you just said,

All of the people that you work with have these issues.

Everyone,

99% of the people out there are so disconnected from their body,

Disconnected from what they feel,

Disconnected from their emotions,

Disconnected from their pleasure,

Disconnected from their partner,

Disconnected from the universe,

Disconnected from all of it,

All of it.

So it's coming back home into who we are and to really feel and pleasure's nervous system regulating.

So pleasure is like a reset.

Every time we go into any form of pleasure,

We've just like reset the switch.

We filled our tank so we can use it to navigate hard things.

We can use it to navigate hard weeks,

Hard days,

Whatever it may be.

So if someone that's listening to this is single,

Right?

Don't have a partner,

Don't have anyone to practice this with,

Right?

And do hand massages.

They have no one that they can do hand massages with.

What is,

What would be an in,

Tell me if you're single,

What would someone,

What would that,

What would their Tantra practice look like?

Just give me an example.

Yeah.

So my own Tantra practice,

Like my own journey through all of this,

I first started with the Jade Egg,

Which is technically a Taoist practice,

But it's very much mixed with Taoist and Tantra.

They're very similar in many,

Many ways.

So it started connecting with the Jade Egg.

It started to have a few practices a week,

Doing sacred sexuality practices,

Listening for consent.

Maybe body was like,

Nope,

Do not want that egg that day.

And can I listen?

Can I get an answer?

Like,

So it might be the practice in the beginning of learning to listen to your body.

Is she a yes or is she a no?

Again,

Listening.

Oh,

But I really want to use the Jade Egg today.

I'm going to put it in anyway.

No,

Because you're actually creating more trauma in your system.

Your body never forgets.

Another really amazing practice in Tantra that you can do on your own and in partner is dearmoring.

And the Jade Egg is naturally dearmoring.

You can also use other tools.

You can also use a partner,

But our more sexual areas.

So we're going to talk whole vagina,

Uterus,

Lower belly,

Womb space,

Breast,

Throat are the places where we hold most of our stuck,

Stored trauma.

So by going into some practices that allow you to dearmor and bring in movement and sound and breath,

Whatever comes,

If you want to get up and run around the room at that moment,

You can do this healing process where you're actually allowing what is you're connecting with your emotions,

Connecting with your sensations,

And you are dearmoring and releasing what it is that you might be holding onto.

And you don't need to know what it is.

That's the really cool part.

We are incurring so much trauma from so many things.

It could be a bad pap smear.

It could be,

I had a test at the gynecologist office about two years ago,

Where he's like,

I'm just going to take a little sample off your cervix.

It'll be no big deal.

I almost came off the table.

Now I know what to do.

I went home.

I did some healing sounds.

I did a practice.

I got in the bath.

I reached out to my goddess friends and it was like,

Help me here.

Like I need to like,

That was major.

That should have been done in a hospital with anesthetic.

Right.

So it could be you're giving birth and the doors open and somebody walks by,

Right?

Like these are quick grab contraction,

Trauma inducing things.

And they're happening every single day.

It could be being penetrated without quite being ready.

So we're in a lot of women I talked to are numb.

They don't feel any pleasure.

They don't know what they like because they're numb.

They're disconnected.

It hurts even if you keep going,

It can get to pain.

And a lot of this is stored emotional trauma.

So that is how I have used Tantra to thaw and actually to come into my own pleasure in my own body,

But not just sexually,

Like also in my heart space.

I have huge heartgasms happening in heart openings that happened last year with my current partner.

And it's like,

Oh,

Like he touched something that I had not felt since I was like five,

Like a long time ago that I put up walls and shut down.

Right.

So there's a lot of deep healing that can come,

But it is a practice.

It's something that you just don't do once or twice or three times.

It's a regular practice.

Can you put little 30 minute practices into your weeks here and there?

Can you bring it into the way you sit down and make your table and eat?

Is it pleasurable?

Like there's so much conscious awareness being present,

Paying attention to what you need,

Paying attention to your desires,

All of these pieces,

It's all connected and it's all woven in between.

I love when you said heartgasm.

I love that.

Me too.

Me too.

Yeah.

How does something like,

I'm imagining you two like sitting face to face,

But how would something like that happen?

So,

And I'm also imagining heart walls just crumbling because you feel so safe that your heart can finally open.

Yeah.

That's what I felt.

I felt we weren't sitting,

We were laying down and it was just a really slow and I was being conscious.

He hadn't been much into Tantra.

I'd only introduced him into it so far,

But I had been practicing for years,

About five,

Six years at this point.

And you know,

I brought in,

I felt something coming up in my system and I was like,

Okay,

What's here?

I asked him to slow down.

I checked in.

I brought in some breath.

I brought in some movement.

I brought in some sound.

I let him know.

I also let him know in advance that,

You know,

If I start bawling or crying or,

You know,

Whatever it may be to,

You know,

Not stop,

Just continue through and,

You know,

Ask me what I need,

But it's not that you need to stop.

It's just a release.

And that can happen in any type of orgasm.

And at this point I said orgasm singly there,

But at this point with me practicing Tantra for well,

Since 2018 now I can,

I've lost count.

We're talking 20,

30,

40 plus orgasms,

Energetic orgasms,

Full body orgasms in every single session.

Okay.

Shut up.

Yep.

That has changed.

Okay.

Let's,

Let's,

Let's break these down.

Okay.

I don't need,

I,

I might be at a loss of words.

I know my partner is now like,

I want to learn how to teach this because I have never seen this happen with any of his past partners.

He's like every single man needs to know what is possible when we slow down and when we are present and when we just follow the pleasure with no goal,

No goal.

And that's the problem.

I,

You know,

I had Stan Tadkin on the,

On the podcast and we were talking about that.

I said,

That was my first question.

Let's talk about sex.

So many of us are just having sex to check the box and it's just not okay.

Like something about that feels so bad or just not having sex.

Or again,

I got it.

My husband wants sex.

Let me just have sex and check the box.

Okay.

Saturday I'm done.

Oh my God.

Like think the numbing out that we have to do to make that happen is it's so sad.

I was somebody that did that.

I did once upon a time too.

Once upon a time.

I checked that box.

I don't check that box anywhere.

I'm like,

I'm not interested.

We're not,

That's not happening.

But I definitely was a check the box kind of sex,

Sexual gal on the weekends.

I'm like,

Oh my God,

What has happened to me?

No more.

Okay.

Let's go back to 40.

Okay.

So these are not,

I can't count anymore.

It's so many up.

Are you like having sex like eight hours a day here?

What's happening?

It could be an hour.

It could be in a freaking hour.

Yep.

But these are not 40 minutes.

Vaginal orgasms.

These are what's happening.

They're all of the above.

They are nipple gasms.

They,

Oh yes.

That's,

That's a very,

Very fun one.

Once that started,

As soon as I said the word,

My body just starts to go into Kundalini.

Yeah.

You know,

Could be,

Yeah.

Womb gasms could be clitoral could be deep,

Deep vaginal could be G spot,

But also full body also,

You know,

Rocking through me,

The energy just comes and moves and I allow it because I allow it to move through me.

And that is what I've practiced and learned how to do.

You said the magic word.

This is about energy.

This is about energy.

And that's what people need to understand.

That's what I started understanding.

I was like,

Oh,

I remember I had an appointment with someone that was an intuitive.

And she said,

Oh,

In many past lives,

She said you would sit in and she,

I remember saying something like do Tantra or give Tantra because it helps people to enlighten.

You said you were a high priestess that would help people toward enlightenment.

They would come in.

You would do,

I was like,

Whoa.

She said that about you?

Yes.

I've heard that many,

Many times from people.

I am a Scorpio in this lifetime.

So it makes sense.

Right?

Oh,

My man's a Scorpio.

Totally get it.

But,

Um,

But yeah,

And I remember hearing that,

Gosh,

I don't know,

10 or 15 years ago,

I was like,

Okay,

I gotta,

What does that mean?

I got it.

Didn't know what it meant,

But now I'm,

And I used to think,

Oh,

I would have sex like a prostitute.

She's like,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

Not at all.

There's an energy when we enlighten,

That's an energy.

Like that's an energy that enlightenment is all about.

And the power of the sexual energy,

It's all about creation.

And we are so disconnected from this Kim.

And you don't have to use this creation for baby for life.

You can use this creation for business,

For art,

For a home,

For parenting,

For,

And this is what I mean by I've infused Tantra into every single faucet of my life.

We get to use this creative energy,

Which is our life force energy.

And it's our intuitive energy for female identifying humans.

Like that is our compass to line up our life exactly the way we want by trusting our body.

Wow.

Okay.

So conscious sexuality,

As these are notes I'm taking,

Like,

This is really about conscious sexuality,

Full embodied sexuality,

Connection,

Conscious,

Conscious connection,

Connection.

Cause it starts way before that.

Like if I'm going to go into a lovemaking session with my partner,

It might only be five or 10 minutes of penetration.

Yeah.

But there's so much more before that.

Yeah.

That's just like,

You know,

And that's the energy that you're generating within the body and outside the body,

Obviously.

Yeah.

So that's the energy where you're talking about these 30 to 40.

Yep.

Yeah.

And this is possible for men as well.

Okay.

Men.

Yep.

Men can learn through using and practicing Tantra to have orgasms without ejaculating.

You got to give me an example.

What is this?

Like,

How do we do that?

It is the same thing.

It's learning again,

How to feel your energy.

Um,

There's a tool for playing with this where you actually would start to play with some edging where you,

You know,

Take them to a six,

Seven in pleasure and then pull it back to three,

Four,

And then take it back to,

You know,

Seven,

Eight and pull it back to three,

Four.

And you're,

You're playing with the energy,

But men can learn how to hold their energy and feel their energy.

And then even eventually orgasm without ejaculating,

Which is totally possible,

Which is also amazing,

Even if they don't learn how to do that part,

But just learning how to control when they ejaculate is very,

Very powerful.

Wow.

Wow.

Is this what Sting did?

I have heard so,

But I didn't actually read what Sting did,

But I have heard that he had sex for three or four hours,

Something like that.

Oh,

I heard like six to eight hours,

But who knows?

I remember reading an article like,

Holy moly,

What are you doing for that long?

But I think he was using Tantra if I,

This is God.

Time disappears.

When you hop into a pleasure portal,

Like I don't,

I look at the clock and I'm like,

Oh,

Like I have no clue.

And that's the,

That you're just following pleasure.

And what comes from that,

Some people will be like,

Well,

I don't have time for that.

Well,

What comes from that is energy is life force energy.

This is my vibrancy.

This is how I am showing up the way I'm showing up.

I don't know if this is live on video or not,

But people probably hear it through three,

Even through the podcast as well,

Too,

Right?

There's a different life force energy that activates when we tap in to who we are through Tantra,

Through embodiment,

Through breathwork,

Through all of this presence,

Healing the parts of ourselves that we need to.

Oh,

Love it.

Okay.

So where would someone even begin?

So someone's listening and they go,

Okay,

I've got my partner or I'm saying whatever it might be like,

Where would someone just give us like some very baby steps that we could do?

Very baby steps,

Little babies.

Guided practice is the easiest way to start into.

So baby,

Baby steps.

I offer free resources,

Free meditations,

Free practices on my website.

I would start with a still guided practice that somebody can follow.

Because if you just sit there and go,

Okay,

I'm breathing,

But I'm not feeling anything.

Like you're going to be like,

Whatever,

This sucks.

Like I'm out.

So you need some guidance.

You do need some guidance.

Yeah.

Okay.

Because,

You know,

I read it in the magazine.

I tried it at 18,

19,

Like didn't work.

You know,

You guys have been reading some little books and things for years.

You're still kind of like,

Well,

What is this?

Right?

Like you need a little bit of guidance and what's going to come up are different fears,

Different doubts,

Maybe resistance.

Maybe this is bullshit,

Like whatever.

Right?

And again,

We get to take apart the resistance.

What is it?

Can you bring in?

And you want somebody to guide you into,

Well,

What is underneath that?

What sensations are you feeling in your body at that time?

What's coming up?

Like it is nice to have somebody to guide you through it.

Because most likely there's an inner child in there going,

No way.

Right?

Like there's,

There's beliefs,

There's negative self-beliefs,

There's limiting beliefs,

There's,

You name it,

Conditioning.

There's so much packed in there from thousands of years of conditioning.

And all that starts bubble to bubble up when you start practicing this.

So it would make sense to me.

You might need a little help or guidance,

But it's not to say you can't start it on your own.

No.

So I would do some free practices.

I would dive into some practices.

Personally,

Myself,

I started with a jade egg journey.

That is why I also put a jade egg program on my website where people can actually just do it on their own in the privacy of their own home.

Don't need to talk to me.

They just kind of take the rag and go practice and do through guided meditations through practicing with tips and tricks and you name it.

So something like that could help.

What else?

They can just jump in.

Breathwork is a great way,

But they could also just jump into anything tantric in their local community.

You can do this online.

You don't need to do it in person.

I'm in Toronto,

Ontario that way.

So actually we have a Toronto tantra festival that's coming up in two weeks.

I believe it's sold out,

But people are still selling some tickets here and there.

I go each year.

It's amazing.

It's at a kid's camp,

Like up in Bancroft in cottage country.

It's so amazing.

We have the whole place to ourselves because summer camps over.

So you want to dive in.

You want to,

It's like yoga.

If you,

You know,

You could start practicing yoga on your own at home and you probably are going to do a lot better and get further with some assistance from a teacher or coach.

But I like that you have some programs.

We'll have to put those on the show notes for sure.

And I love how you said about healing trauma.

Like,

Wow,

It's been huge for me.

Wow.

Wow.

Huge.

Yeah.

Cause not only am I coming from,

You know,

That sexual assault,

I'm coming from mom leaving at five stepmother that was very physically and verbally abusive in many ways.

And then the sexual assault,

And then there's the rest of the stuff that we have growing up as a female or however you're showing up,

Right?

There's so much built in there.

Well,

I appreciate it.

When you said you were at the gyno and they said,

Oh,

We're just going to do this little scrape of the cervix and it's done.

I mean,

That was traumatic,

But we don't talk about that again.

We don't think much about it.

We just move on.

But Bessel van der Kolk,

The body keeps the score.

Like the body remembers the body is going to build armor and,

And it might not be logical,

You know?

So if you have an experience like that and your OBGYN or your gyno is a male,

Perhaps there's a little bit of armor around now men,

Because that person did that thing that was part of your annual.

And all of a sudden,

Oh yeah,

I've got a trauma,

But I'm not aware.

Yeah.

So I've shut myself down.

And also,

I mean,

I think about,

I don't want to even open this door,

But like religion,

You know,

I grew up Catholic.

I'm not Catholic anymore,

But you know,

You don't have sex.

You don't,

None of that,

You know,

In fact,

It's horrible.

You're not allowed to do any of that.

So babies only.

Babies only.

And,

And again,

When I think about the pleasure around sexuality,

Nobody ever talked about that even in sex ed,

You know,

In high school,

Like nobody talks about the pleasure.

And again,

I'm talking to hand massage that I gave Grant,

Like fully clothed,

Sitting on the back deck.

Like it wasn't,

We weren't naked in bed.

It was a hand massage with his eyes closed.

And he was like,

Oh my God,

My whole body has goosebumps.

I was like,

Whoa,

We're so,

And it really,

It was like this,

Holy moly.

We are so disconnected from our bodies.

I cannot even believe it.

Yeah.

Because then you can bring it into the kitchen with a quick touch as you're cooking,

Right?

Can you feel that pleasure as you run down the arm?

Can you feel the pleasure in the hug?

Like you were sharing,

Can you do some eye gazing even across the Island while you're cooking dinner and a little,

You know,

A little fun.

Can you connect?

Are you connecting?

My partner had a really good point.

He said,

You know,

In the beginning when we met,

He said,

You know,

Sex is only like 5% of a relationship.

And I was like,

Okay.

I thought about it for a little bit.

I'm like in time.

Sure.

But great connected,

Aligned sex where you're in this tantric bubble of practicing is like a hundred percent of your relationship.

It changes everything else.

It changes how you show up grocery shopping.

It changes how you show up in an argument.

It shows up.

It changes everything.

Oh,

Wow.

So if someone is listening,

Feeling blocked around sex,

Right?

Making loves their own sexuality,

This would be an Avenue for them to look into.

It sounds like,

Cause I'm liking hearing you're clearing the trauma,

The shame around,

I mean,

Gosh,

Everything,

Not just around sex.

This is around everything,

Everything.

And that's what I found energy.

Let's face it.

Yeah.

And I think it's the biggest place that we have been disempowered.

All of us is our sexuality.

So it actually ends up being like this portal,

This quick portal to reclaiming all of who you are because it's the biggest place we've been disempowered for thousands of years.

Yeah.

And it's all in our DNA.

We're just passing it down,

Right?

It's all from our,

It's ancestral that we are passing and caring with us,

But this isn't,

I think Tantra being so alive on our planet right now is an opportunity for it to heal.

I mean,

This is our own healing is what I mean.

One more question for you.

Like,

Where's Tantra from?

Like,

What is it?

It is.

Yeah.

So if you go all the way back,

It would be from India.

We're going like 500 BC.

I have 5,

000.

I'm pulling a blank on the BC or if it's,

But I'm pretty sure it's BC.

It's BC.

It's a long time ago.

So it's been around for thousands and thousands of years.

And then the Taoist practice came from more ancient China and there's all these old,

Old lineages.

And we get to play with them and really liberate ourselves and come into wholeness again.

That is what is possible.

And that is what I honestly,

I desire that for every single human on the planet.

I do believe that the entire planet would be very different if we all were more connected,

More conscious,

More awake,

More grounded,

There'd be such a different planet that we live in.

And this is one way to do it for sure.

This is an important way.

It sounds like,

Wow,

Kimberly,

This was amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you for being on and for the work that you're doing in the world.

I appreciate you.

Thank you so,

So much.

It's been such a beautiful conversation and I know we can do so much more,

But it's a great starting point.

I'm feeling a part two,

So yeah,

I'll be in touch.

Sounds good.

Thank you.

Reviews

Such an important conversation! Looking forward to part 2! 😉

Wow!!! Young child running naked through the house don’t care who’s looking no
I’m not eating the peas no I’m not going to bed!!! That was spot on as is the entire podcast. Looking forward to part 2 at age 72!! 🩵🌟🩵