Finding Your Life Path And Purpose With Blake Chalfant

Have you ever wondered what it truly means to live a soul-driven life? In this episode, join me and my son, Blake Chalfant, as we dive into the world of soul alignment, self-discovery, and embracing your unique path. We'll explore the ancient wisdom of indigenous cultures, the power of rites of passage, and how modern societal pressures often lead us away from our true essence.

Transcript

Hi,

I'm Michelle Chalfant,

Psychotherapist,

Holistic life coach,

And human,

Just like you,

Learning to navigate life's challenges.

With over 25 years experience,

I teach people how to get healthy using the Adult Chair Model.

The Adult Chair Model is where simple psychology meets grounded spirituality,

And it teaches us how to become healthy adults.

From anxiety and depression to codependency and relationship issues,

You can use the Adult Chair for just about anything.

Each week,

I share practical tips,

Tools,

And advice from myself and a wide range of experts on how to get unstuck,

How to live authentically,

And how to truly love yourself,

All while sitting in your adult chair.

Welcome to the Adult Chair Podcast.

Hello,

Everybody,

And welcome to the Adult Chair Podcast.

I am Michelle Chalfant,

As always,

Delighted to be here with you today.

I have a very special guest on today,

Someone by the name of Blake Chalfant.

Yes,

This is his third time on the show,

A family member of mine.

This is my son,

Third time on.

We had a deep conversation,

I think one you guys are going to really enjoy.

We talked about self-discovery and finding your path.

He and I,

Man,

We go there deep.

When we're together,

We will sit out on the platform looking over the lake with our mud water and we go there.

I said,

We need to have this conversation on air.

I caught up with him.

He's out west right now.

I said,

Please,

Let's do the show on this.

His new book,

The Unseen Way,

Is about all of this,

On self-discovery,

Finding your path,

And all these things,

Living life on purpose,

Living a soul-driven life versus an ego-driven life and all the things.

It's really,

Really,

Really beautiful,

The conversation that we had today.

I'm excited to have you guys hear this.

I think you're going to really enjoy it because there's not a human on the planet that won't resonate with what we talked about today,

Which is how do you realign with your soul,

Live that life on purpose,

And really find your true,

True path,

Your soul calling.

Let me tell you a little bit about Blake,

And we're going to jump right in.

Blake Chalfant is driven by the boundless potential of humanity and by a quest for authentic living.

Blake is reshaping the conversation around what it truly means to thrive.

As a young men's coach and the host of the podcast,

The Human Experience,

Blake inspires audience to embrace their full potential and explore the depths of what it means to fully be alive.

Here we go with Blake Chalfant.

Welcome to the Adult Chair Podcast.

I'm going to say again,

Blake Chalfant.

Thanks for having me.

It's great to be here.

Yeah.

Boy,

You've got a lot going on.

I do.

You've got a lot going on right now.

It's hard to keep up with all that you have going on,

But I wanted to have you on today because you and I have had some pretty incredible conversations and it's been,

I've probably lost track of how many times I've said,

Man,

We got to hit the record button on this when we're sitting,

Just having a mud water or a coffee or a tea or something like that.

My hope again is today is that that's what happens today,

Is that that spark happens and we are going to drop into one of those amazing conversations again and really share some good stuff with this audience today.

Something that was on my mind was our unique life path.

I wanted to get your perspective on what you think about.

Do we all have a unique or an innate,

Unique life path?

Yeah,

It's such a big question and there's so many different ways that I could go with this.

So I'm just going to start and see where it goes.

But for so many of us,

Not just youth,

All human beings,

We're all trying to navigate the world,

Right?

And we're all trying to do it in a good way.

We're all trying to do it in the right way.

But what is the right way,

Right?

For many of us,

We gathered that information from what's been done before us,

What the social norms are,

What's normal in our environment.

But it's deeper than that.

And it's a bit esoteric,

But it's the idea that maybe,

Just maybe,

There's actually a unique path that is laid out for all people on planet Earth.

And it has nothing to do with what's socially accepted.

It has nothing to do with our environmental norms.

And sometimes it actually goes against that.

And so,

You know,

Throughout indigenous cultures,

Since the beginning of time,

Many of these different cultures held this belief that every single person within the tribe holds medicine for the rest of the tribe,

That we each carry some innate,

Unique gift for the rest of the community.

And so,

You know,

Practices,

Rites of passage,

Certain initiatory practices were actually meant to draw out those gifts,

Those qualities within us.

But in our culture today,

We've completely lost that idea.

And actually,

The culture that we're living in is kind of funneling us all into this homogenized way of being,

This singular way of being,

Right?

There's a cool thing to wear.

There's certain jobs and careers that are accepted.

There's certain values that are accepted.

And so,

Inevitably,

There's a lot of pressure that's kind of pushing us into being this singular model that our culture has given us.

But the problem with that model is that a lot of the time,

That model that we're given by our culture is disconnected from this kind of innate path that lives within us,

This innate essence.

And so,

A good way to understand that path that I'm speaking to,

Because it kind of feels like these lofty terms,

So I want to make sure that we're actually really grounding it for people,

But it doesn't actually have to do with necessarily your personality.

Because your personality is,

For the most part,

Something that is developed over time through all of our life experiences,

Like it's formed through our environment,

Right?

This personality of who we are.

But what I believe is that there's actually an innate essence to who we are that we were born with,

And that has always been inside of us throughout our entire life.

And so,

For some of us,

That essence of who we are is actually brought forward in our life,

And we're given a container to explore that kind of essential quality of who we each are.

But for the majority of us,

We're kind of thrown into this washing machine of our culture,

Of our environment,

And what happens is that we disconnect from that.

We become who we think that we need to become.

We develop all these coping mechanisms and these survival strategies that disconnect us from that core place within us,

That what I'm calling is kind of our essence,

Our essential self.

And so,

This path that I'm talking about,

It's in direct relationship with that essence of who we are.

And so,

If we're completely disconnected from that place within us,

It's going to be hard to find that path.

Another important piece to bring in here is something that I call life force energy,

Right?

I'm not calling it God.

I'm calling it life force energy or source.

But I think that we can all agree that there is some sort of alive force in this life,

Right?

There's a reason that the grass is growing.

There's a reason that,

For whatever reason,

Leaves change colors and then they fall,

Or that a flower comes into bloom.

Like,

There's some sort of power source.

You can almost imagine the earth,

And then you can see an outlet cord coming off of the side of the earth,

And it's plugged into something.

There's some sort of force that is emanating through everything.

And so,

Humans are not excluded from that.

Humans are a part of that same flow of life force energy,

Right?

Because that life force energy is coming through every single thing on this planet.

And so,

If you can imagine that life force energy,

It has an intention.

And the way that I understand that intention is the fullest expression of life in the most vibrant way possible.

Different colors of flowers,

Different colors of trees,

Different colors of humans.

And so,

I think this homogenized way that our culture is funneling us into is going against that.

And I think the sign that it's going against that is the kind of where we see ourselves in terms of the health of our species,

The mental health crisis we're in.

Like,

I don't think people are doing that good right now.

And I'm not going to say it's all because of this,

But I think a huge part of that is because we're disconnected from that essential place within us.

We're disconnected from how life force energy is wanting to flow through you.

And so,

That same pulse of life that is in the blade of grass growing is within all of us.

And it is wanting us to open more up to that essential place,

That essence within us.

And as that begins to open,

As we begin to start opening that door,

Which maybe we can go next of how do we actually open that door?

Once we start opening that door,

This path that I'm talking about,

This path that we are most connected to begins to unfold.

And it's as simple as that.

It's very complex and it's very simple at the same time.

And it's just this natural thing that once the floodgates of the dam begin to open,

The water begins to flow.

And that's when life really begins to start unfolding.

You brought up such a good point about how,

When I think about the mental health crisis that so many people are in right now worldwide,

I mean,

Truly,

There's a lot going on with anxiety,

With depression,

With feeling overly stressed.

And I really do wonder if that has so much to do with we are not living the life that we are,

I hate to say the words like meant to live,

You know,

Quote unquote,

Have air quotes here,

Or it's just life on purpose.

It's life according to our divine plan,

Life according to our soul alignment,

I call it soul alignment,

Like what is your soul wanting you to do?

If we were to align with our soul's purpose,

What would our life really truly look like?

And I don't think for a moment that we just have one path,

Right?

It's not like I'm born and this is the only life path that I'm here to live.

I really believe that we have multiple different lives that we could live our life paths,

But each and every one of those life paths will be happier,

More peaceful,

More whatever the word would be that goes along with that,

If we're aligning with that soul,

Would you agree?

Yeah.

I mean,

What I believe is that I do believe that there is a path that is the path that you are most aligned and connected to.

And when I say most aligned and connected to,

I mean,

At the deepest sense,

I'm talking about the core of who we are,

Like as we connect deeper and deeper within that core place within us,

That path that unfolds from that place,

I think that is the path that we are most aligned with.

And I think that's where the deepest sense of fulfillment and connection to life comes from.

Now,

That journey of connecting to that core place within us and letting that path unfold from that place,

That's a lifelong journey,

Right?

We're going to be doing that until the day that we die.

And so I think it's over time,

We're constantly being funneled back closer and closer to living fully connected to that place within us and the path that emerges from that place.

And so there's not an end result.

And I think we are continually getting closer and closer to that path.

So how do we,

If someone,

Again,

People listening to this,

All of us,

What would we do in order to live life on purpose,

Live that life,

Jump on,

Move into that life path,

However you'd like to say it?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Well,

I think going back to what you were talking about,

About disease,

What we're seeing as disease,

Because really the way that I see this,

When we're asking the question,

How do we live,

How do we find that path?

How do we live as that core space within us?

It's really learning the language of life,

Right?

And it's not so much a spoken language.

It's more of a felt sense.

But let's just start with disease,

For example.

What is disease,

Right?

Disease is the alarm system of life going off and saying,

Something's not quite right.

Something's disconnected.

Something's distorted.

Something is out of alignment.

And it's telling us,

It's trying to communicate that to us.

And so the body does that with physical sickness,

Right?

It's emotional,

Obviously,

As well.

But let's just take someone who feels completely empty and dead on the inside and is disconnected from what they're doing.

They have no fulfillment in their life.

If we believe that emotional health and physical health are intrinsically connected,

What do you think is going to happen over time from this person that feels completely dead and empty on the inside?

At some point,

It's probably going to turn into some sort of physical illness,

Right?

Because if you're not waking up to the emotional state that you're in,

And you're not looking at that,

Maybe we need to tell you in a different way.

It's life knocking at your door saying,

Something needs to change.

And Gabor Mate in his new book,

The Myth of Normal,

Goes deeply into this.

A lot of these diseases,

Like autoimmune disorder,

For example,

That there's clear behavioral and emotional patterns that are connected to this.

And so I think it's really a language that we're learning.

So to go back to this feeling of emptiness,

Ultimately,

This language is going to resonate and show up for everyone completely differently.

But I do think that there is some general places that we can start.

So I think a great way for me to think about when I know that I'm out of alignment with something is a feeling of emptiness.

It feels hollow.

It feels dead.

My body wants to contract.

I feel contracted,

Right?

And there's a lot of nuance to this of really knowing where these emotions are coming from.

Because for example,

Fear,

There's good fear,

And then there's good fear,

And then there's also not good fear.

Like Steven Pressfield's work on resistance,

Fear,

Or Phil Stutz would call it Part X,

That place within us that resists the thing that we know we deeply desire to do,

Whether it's bringing a creative project into the world,

Whether it's just stepping into a new version of us,

Changing behavior.

Like there's a part of us that likes to feel stuck in the box that we are in,

That doesn't want to change because within change,

There's a realm of unknown that feels scary.

We need to differentiate this nuance of like,

What is resistance that's actually worth pushing through because I know on the other side of it is transformation and is a more aligned version of me.

And then what is actually just a feeling of being dead inside of something that I don't want to do deeply down,

Right?

They're very different.

And so I'm telling you all this,

And that's great,

But ultimately,

This is something that you're going to have to feel within your body.

You're going to have to make a mistake.

You're going to have to make a decision,

Go down that path,

And maybe you realize that you're actually supposed to go the other way.

But guess what?

You weren't supposed to go the other way because now you learn something.

You're learning that language within yourself,

That felt sense of life coming through you.

And so on the other side of that,

I think a great place to start is a feeling of aliveness.

Like however you conceptualize the feeling of aliveness,

Like that feeling of you are alive on the inside,

Life is coming through you.

Like I think that's a great place to start for a sign that you're going in the right direction.

And this is the nuance of this side of the coin is like,

I'm not talking about this surface level satisfaction of like watching movies all day,

Like,

Oh,

I feel good doing that.

That's this very surface level pleasure.

And I think we all know how that feels.

No,

The sense of aliveness,

This is something that's much deeper within ourself.

And so I think when you're feeling that aliveness,

That's a great place to go.

Do more of that.

And guess what?

It's okay if there's fear alongside the aliveness.

It doesn't have to just be one thing or the other,

Right?

I think that's something that we need to get really good at as humans is being able to hold multiple emotions at the same time,

Right?

And within that,

Being able to know which one you're actually trusting.

It's like,

I feel the aliveness and I also feel a part of me that's a little bit scared to go to do more of that,

To go closer into that,

To follow that because it's asking for trust within me.

And like,

I know that that fear is just natural.

I know that it's a part of the journey and I'm going to go deeper into this aliveness,

Right?

Because as we're tapping into this unspoken language of life,

Like I was saying earlier,

It crosses all borders of what's accepted and what's not accepted.

It doesn't conform with what your environment wants to do.

It doesn't conform with what your parents want to you.

And so what happens when the aliveness that you're following is actually going against what the people around you do,

How the people around you behave,

What your parents want for you,

Right?

Those are those extremely important moments where you get to double down on your trust within yourself.

You say,

It's okay that the people around me don't agree because I trust what's coming through me.

I trust this aliveness.

It's safe to trust within this.

And look,

You're not going to be perfect at it in the beginning,

Right?

You're going to be like,

I don't know if I can trust this.

What if I trust this aliveness that's coming through me and I fail?

That's really good.

I think about when we're born,

We all have this beautiful,

Pure essence within,

And we are alive.

We are alive.

We're exploring the world.

We're happy.

We're sad.

We're letting emotions flow through us.

We're just this incredible little human being.

And then we fall into this narrower sort of life,

Right?

We go from this really big life to a narrower life.

And that's when I think about what happens to us that we lose that passion and that true essence gets covered up.

What exactly happens to us,

Do you think,

As we go through life,

That we lose connection with that true essence?

Yeah.

You know,

I think it's something that we've just lost as a collective,

As a culture.

And so different people have different theories of when this break happened within our species and why it happened.

And I don't necessarily think that's beneficial to go so deeply into.

That's a whole other rabbit hole.

But I think we've just lost it.

It's this kind of forgotten aspect of life that is inherent to life,

That is so important to our wellbeing as a species.

So I think we forgot it and we've passed down that pattern for generations now of this is how you should do things.

You need to follow what mom and dad say to you.

And so we're growing up in a world that doesn't have a container for us to explore that essence.

We're not living in a culture where the norm is we don't ask the question,

How can we support this being that's coming into the world?

How can we support the full blossoming of this being that we don't even know how it's going to express,

Right?

And so one way to look at this,

I think,

Has been the suppression of the feminine for hundreds of years now,

Which is what we are cleaning up right now.

I mean,

You can see this within the kind of women's empowerment movement.

You can also see this in all the men's work that's happening,

The men that are being forced to look at some deep stuff.

And really the core piece of that is that as men,

We've completely shut down our feminine essence.

And so I think a good way to think about,

A very basic way to think about masculine feminine dynamics is the masculine is the riverbank and the feminine is the river that's going through it.

And so when I think about this essence of who we are and life force coming through us and everything,

To me,

That's a very feminine,

That's part of the feminine.

That's like the flow of the river that's coming through us.

And so as a culture,

It's our job to hold that,

To hold that with these babies coming into the world,

With young people growing up,

To create that container for them to explore that.

And so we've taken away that container and within that forgotten about kind of that unique essence that's coming through us.

Talk a little bit more about,

And I know there's so much going on with the divine feminine,

But if someone's listening to this show and they're thinking,

Well,

What do you mean I'm a guy?

What do you mean?

I should be,

I should have more divine feminine.

Let's talk a little bit about what that even means,

The divine feminine and masculine energy that we all have,

Honestly.

Yeah.

Well,

You know,

Toxic masculinity is a term that is thrown around a lot today,

But when I hear toxic masculinity,

What I really see is the masculine that has shut down the feminine essence within,

The masculine that stopped trusting the feminine within.

And innately when you do that,

Like the masculine goes into a shadow,

Into its shadow,

Right?

It's repressing the feminine because it's not trusting.

And so therefore that's almost what's creating the shadow.

And so,

You know,

I think getting into the feminine masculine dynamics,

It's like there is,

I think there's some,

There's truth to it and there's benefit.

And I think it gets thrown around a lot in a way that's not so helpful,

But in a very broad sense,

Coming back to the river bank and the river,

Like we can think about the feminine as,

You know,

The flow of emotions,

This wild dance,

Right?

This wild dance,

Emotion,

Inspiration,

Passion,

Compassion,

Love,

Sensuality,

Vulnerability,

Right?

And the masculine,

Its job is to hold that,

Right?

To create a space where that feels safe to come through,

Where the feminine can actually trust to be fully in that essence because it knows that it's being held in such a solid container,

Where it,

Because it knows that it can trust,

Right?

What is holding that?

It can trust the river bank.

And so when it can trust the river bank,

It flows beautifully,

Right?

It trusts that the river bank has its back.

It trusts that the river bank is operating with a level of integrity that the feminine can rest into.

And so where we're at right now is,

Is hundreds of years of the feminine being shut down.

And we can actually see that because when I'm talking about the masculine,

Feminine dynamics,

It's like,

We all have that within us.

We can also see how this has manifested externally with how women have been suppressed for hundreds of years.

Yeah.

It's such a big topic right now.

I see it all over the place.

And good stuff.

And the thing that really stood out for me was when you talked about emotions,

You know,

Really learning how to let those emotions flow through and something that even the men I've worked with for all these years are like,

Well,

No,

You know,

I'm fine.

You know,

No,

No,

No,

No,

You're not fine.

Men feel emotions just like women being human.

We have to learn how to let these emotions come flowing through us.

So let me,

Let me jump in for a second,

Because what you just said,

You know,

It sparked something when you said I'm fine,

Right?

We all say this,

I'm fine.

And you know,

Something that many of my clients have been coming to me with recently,

It just seems to be in the field of what I'm being asked to look more at is the difference between being needy and having needs.

And so,

You know,

I know that men go through this a lot and I'm sure women do too.

I think men and women,

All genders,

Like as a culture,

We haven't created space for people to express what they really need,

Right?

Most people have never actually even been asked that question.

How many times have you been asked,

Hey,

You know,

What do you really need?

Like how can I show up better for you?

What would allow you to relax even more into who you are within our relationship,

Right?

Most people have never been asked the question.

Most people have never asked themselves that question because we assume that there's just not even going to be space.

So what's the point of asking what I really need?

What's the point if there's not even going to be space?

And so,

Inevitably,

Intimate relationships bring up a lot of our deepest patterns and wounding and inevitably,

We all have needs in relationship.

We all need certain things.

We're all coming to relationship with our own unique story,

With our own unique wounding,

Really.

And so,

Relationship is this opportunity to come together with the wounding that we carry,

With the pattern,

With the story of who we are,

And create a space that accommodates both parties,

That honors both of our unique needs.

And we've lost that.

And so,

A lot of young men coming into my world are in relationships where stuff's coming up for them,

But there's no space to voice it because they don't want to come off as needy.

And so,

Neediness has a certain energy to it.

We can all feel when someone's being needy,

When they're following us,

When they're so scared that we're going to leave,

Right?

Voicing your needs has a completely different energy.

So instead of spying on your girlfriend and who they're texting and all their Instagram stuff or whatever it is,

Like there's a core place within you that actually just doesn't feel safe.

And so,

Instead of snooping around on their phone and all that,

Because that's really annoying,

And it's unattractive,

Having,

Hey,

Can we check in,

Can we talk for a moment and saying,

I need you to know that there's a place within me that doesn't feel fully safe.

And this is how this,

And if you could show up in this way,

It would feel really good.

If you could just maybe more validation,

Maybe I need more affirmation from you.

And maybe there is some sort of check-in with the phone,

Maybe it's like,

Hey,

I just need you to be aware that it does bother me when you text this person.

Like that's not coming from a needy,

The energy of that is not needy,

Right?

That's voicing your needs,

But it's voicing your needs in a grounded,

Embodied way.

And that's a really important differentiation because we all have needs,

All of our needs are valid,

But it's learning how to voice them,

Not from a needy place.

You know,

As parents,

We are raising children that have this beautiful pure essence.

And something I've gotten,

You know,

This question I've gotten over the years,

You know,

For years and years,

Like how do I make sure,

To use my terms,

You know,

People would say,

How do I make sure my child is growing up in their adult chair?

How do I make sure that my child is growing up as a healthy human?

Like what do I need to do when they're children so that I don't have to,

You know,

Worry about this when they're 18,

25,

35,

Whatever it might be.

So from your perspective,

As parents,

How can we best keep the,

Let me say it like this,

Keep their essence alive,

Right?

Keep their essence alive so that then they grow up and they feel still connected to their divine essence as they go through life.

What would be something that parents can do?

Yeah.

There's a couple of different ways that we can answer this question.

The high level approach to this is that we all came here to experience something,

Right?

And maybe a part of the experience that your child came here to have is spending many years very disconnected from that essence,

Right?

I mean,

That was my story.

That's why I'm so passionate here talking about this,

Because I spent many years disconnected from that.

And I'm on this journey of reclaiming that place within me,

Reconnecting to that place within me.

And so I think that's an undervalued piece to this story on raising children and whatnot is maybe you kind of cognitively get it up here that,

Okay,

My child came here with their own unique path,

Right?

And I'm going to trust that.

So in the moments when your child's treating you like shit and you guys,

Your relationship isn't that great,

Right?

It's like,

That's part of it.

And so,

Yeah,

Like I was saying,

I think it's something that we think about,

But how much are we actually really living with that?

And I know you're not going to do perfect and you're going to get really caught up in specific experiences and moments with your child.

But I think that's something that's so important to hold on to.

It's like this child came here to do something and I'm a part of it,

Right?

So it's not your fault,

Right?

Stop pointing the finger at yourself all the time.

It's so much bigger than you,

Right?

So I think that's a high level piece that's important to continually coming back to and remembering whether there's some sort of affirmation that you say to yourself every day or when something's going wrong.

Like I think that's a really important piece.

Now the other piece that more of the actual concrete how to parenting,

I think there's a couple really important pillars to hold as a raising child.

And as I'm speaking to this,

I'm kind of assuming that this is apparent that a child's coming into the world,

Not that they already have like a 16 year old or something.

And it can definitely be applied to both,

But do you have the capacity to actually hold someone without your agenda involved?

And you can think about that as a child,

But also just hanging out with someone in a relationship.

Like when you're listening to someone speak,

Do you have the capacity to take a step back and just listen to what's coming through?

Do you have the capacity to see what's alighting them up internally and to nurture that even more?

Ask a question,

Follow that thread,

Sense that aliveness in someone else and nurture that.

Even if it doesn't make sense to you,

Even if you wonder like,

But where is that aliveness leading in them,

Right?

That's kind of weird.

Like it doesn't matter,

Nurture that within each other.

And so it's the same thing with a child,

Right?

I think giving children many different experiences of different things,

Giving them a diversity of experience so that they can start to feel where their aliveness is,

What they like to do,

What they don't like to do.

And as parents nurturing that and knowing that it might not be forever.

Maybe you don't totally agree with this path that they're going down right now,

But I'm going to let them go down.

I'm going to let them go down it,

Trusting that this is their unique path and they have to make,

Have these experiences within life.

Like I went down some pretty gnarly paths in my life,

Right?

And I wouldn't be here if I didn't.

Like it's easy to look at me now and say,

Oh wow,

You're doing so great.

I'm so happy where you are.

But we need to look at all of the different turns that I made,

All these different phases I went through,

Right?

Where you guys were kind of biting your nails like,

Oh God,

Like,

I hope he,

I hope he comes back.

Right?

Like,

But we disc,

But we discount those experiences when we see where someone's at now.

We forget about that and we can't forget about that.

Those are so important.

And so I think that's a really,

That's a big pillar of like just really holding this container for your child.

Right?

I think you use the metaphor of being the bumpers on the highway and there's so much truth to that.

Right?

That's,

That's one piece,

Raising,

Raising boys,

Especially like the father,

It's a huge part of it.

Right?

And it's not just the father,

Like get your son exposed to other men within your community,

Other men who are somewhat on their path,

Right?

Who have developed some sort of capacity to see others,

Right?

Because it's there.

Those men do exist,

Giving,

Like giving your child spaces where they can be seen and heard.

That's it.

You think like it's a landing place.

Growing up,

I had zero landing places.

You guys weren't a landing place because actually no matter what the parents do,

Sometimes the kids just don't want it to be with their parents.

Like no matter how great you guys are showing up.

And I think there is a high importance of having other people outside of just the immediate family unit.

Maybe it's an uncle,

But maybe it's someone who's not blood related at all.

What we need is a landing space because the world that we're coming into right now is confusing.

It's chaotic.

We're all trying to fit in and there's no container for it.

So having a space where we can come take a deep breath and say,

Maybe you're,

Maybe you're not unloading everything,

But yeah,

Things are kind of hard.

Yeah.

Like girl stuff isn't great.

I don't really know how to talk to a girl.

Like those kinds of conversations,

We need that so bad.

And so it's,

It's not boys,

Like it's the same thing for,

For women,

I would assume like having,

Having older women that you can connect with that,

That are part of your life that see you.

Yeah.

And,

And I think what you're,

What you're saying is really important because it's not about going into a dialogue,

Whether you're,

Again,

Whether you're male or female or it doesn't matter what,

What you are,

It's about being able to sit and hold space and help that person feel seen and heard.

And when we're with someone typically like a parent,

There's a lot of criticism,

Fixing,

You should do it this way.

No,

You can't do this.

That would be a bad idea.

You need to do this instead.

And what I'm hearing you say is to keep this essence alive,

Let's go back to the beginning to keep this divine essence alive.

This,

When I think of our divine essence,

I think of like a flame inside of us that's burning when we're born and we want to keep it going.

And we want to,

In fact,

Enhance it as we get older.

And what I see happening with parents is that those guardrails come tighter and tighter and tighter and tighter.

And the flame starts to come,

Go from this beautiful bonfire down,

Down,

Down,

Down,

Down to a little spark.

But if we have a space when we're growing up,

When kids have a space that's safe where they can come and express,

And again,

It's not saying we,

Not to set boundaries with your kids.

But what I am saying is to allow your child to be whoever they're,

Whomever it is that they're here to be.

And we don't know who that is.

And to your point,

Man,

I mean,

You came to us and said,

Hey,

I want to drop out of school and move out West.

When what you were,

Or change schools,

Maybe move out West and live in a tent in someone's backyard.

Come again?

What's that?

But I remember thinking,

Okay,

Like,

Are you in your heart?

Like,

Is that where you feel guided and let you go and just said,

Please finish school.

Yes.

Okay.

I'll do that.

But man,

I look at who you've become because of the guardrails that we put way out like this,

You know,

Way 12 lane expressway here versus a two lane.

You were able to become that.

So.

Yeah.

One of the most important things that we can give children,

But more than children,

Actually,

That we can give each other is the gift of trusting in ourself.

And so I think as parents,

That's one of the most important pieces to continually coming back to,

Like,

We're so good at giving advice.

We're so good at thinking that we have the right way in general,

Especially as parents.

So with children,

Right?

And we think,

And the belief is that,

Okay,

I know best.

If I give them the right advice and whatnot,

Then they'll turn out,

Okay,

They'll turn out in a good way,

Right?

They won't go down the wrong path.

And I see where that's coming from.

And I have compassion for that.

But when we do that,

We miss out on the opportunity of gifting our children with self trust,

With trusting their inner knowing,

Right?

And I think that muscle is one of the most important muscles that we can train for our entire life.

That's something that we will rely on for the rest of our life.

And so giving them a container to explore that muscle within themselves,

Right?

What do I want?

Which way do I want to go?

And on top of that,

It's critical thinking,

Right?

Giving your children the space to ask thoughtful questions,

Right?

Asking questions,

Giving them space to explore themselves.

Like that is invaluable.

And so many of us have been robbed of that.

Yeah.

You're right.

Parents do.

We do come in thinking we know best.

We know what's best for you.

You're just small.

You have no idea.

We obviously forget they've got a gigantic soul inside of them,

Just like we do,

That's trying to guide them in this lifetime.

And we are getting in the way of that.

So to honor them,

Even when their path looks,

For me,

It looks a little scary.

And I was like,

Oh my goodness,

Okay though.

And if it was aligned with your heart,

I knew it was the right path.

Yeah,

It's hard.

But going back to what you're saying,

As far as holding space and sitting and having these men in our communities that are able to do that,

And again,

Could be a youth group leader,

Could be someone in the church or not,

But just giving your kids someone that is able to provide that for them is essential to keeping that divine essence alive.

Yeah.

And here's a really important shift.

I think as a culture,

The kind of unspoken condition belief we have is that,

Okay,

Children come into this world as a completely blank slate.

And it's our job as parents in the environment to upload the right software,

Right,

So that they make the right decisions.

It's like we're giving them the compass that's going to tell them what's right and what's wrong in life.

And what we're needing to shift into is the belief that actually we all come into life already with that compass within us,

And that it's our job to nurture that compass.

It's our job to give it space to come alive,

Because right now,

The majority of humans,

That inner compass is sitting in the attic with a sheet and dust over it.

And that's a huge shift going from we need to give them that compass to we need to nurture the compass that's already within you.

It's subtle,

But it's huge.

Yeah.

That's a really,

I love that visual in the attic with a sheet over it with dust on it.

What about,

What about someone that might have older kids,

You know,

Someone that's listening that says,

Oh,

Gosh,

I've got kids that are teenagers or,

Or older,

Even like,

What do we do to create that healthy bond to get to help them,

Of course,

Even spark and get that essence back within themselves,

If they don't know that they have one of our kids don't know,

Hey,

You've got something so magical inside of you.

I want to help that kid ignite their spark again,

Or grow that spark.

What can we do as parents then same kind of thing.

I think it's the exact same thing that we that we do for a younger child.

It's continually showing up in that way.

It's as parents,

It's continually to it's continuing to cultivate our own capacity to hold that kind of space,

Because it's not easy.

It sounds easy when I say this,

Like,

Oh,

I'm just going to ask the right questions.

But it's bigger than that.

Like it does take work to cultivate that capacity.

So I think it's the same as I think it's the same for teenagers.

And there is a space for having tougher conversations,

Reflecting back,

Hey,

I just want you to know,

Like,

I noticed that,

You know,

You've seemed really down lately,

Right,

Picking up on those subtle cues.

Because for the most part,

They're probably not going to come to you and say,

Hey,

I'm feeling this way.

I think it's our job as mentors,

Elders,

Parents to pick up on the subtle cues,

And then hold a space for that.

And don't throw it in their face and say,

Hey,

Let's talk about this.

You're depressed,

Right?

Like gently open that door.

It's you know,

Coming back to what Dewey always says,

It's like,

It's about making contact.

And so making contact in the shared space between us,

You're not,

You're not completely drowning the floodgates open,

You're extending a soft invitation says,

Hey,

I'm seeing this.

And,

You know,

That's one side of it.

And there's another side that's like,

There is times for,

For,

You know,

For boundaries.

And for,

You know,

Bigger conversations,

When it's when it's needed.

Yeah.

Hmm.

That's really,

Really good stuff.

Anything that you would say to someone that is even my age or older,

That is sitting here going,

Wow,

I want to reignite that passion in myself or that that spark.

What do we do if we don't have someone that we can sit with that's going to hold space for us?

What can I do as someone that's in there?

There are men,

Men to older life,

Like to reignite.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

No matter what it is you're going through in life,

No matter the path,

We weren't meant to do it alone.

Like we were meant to do this whole life thing with each other,

With people that fan that flame within us as well.

And so that's one piece I need to mention,

But you get to be that container for yourself,

Right?

The same way that you're treating that child.

That's how you get to treat yourself.

You get to,

You get to say to yourself and hold this intention within yourself.

I know you have something in there to offer the world.

That's completely unique to you,

Right?

You have so much to,

You have so much to offer.

You have gifts to share.

And even though that maybe you don't know what those are yet,

Like I know they're in there because that is an inherent piece of the human experience that we all have.

Right?

You know,

And then you get to start really applying that to your life.

Kind of the stuff we talked about earlier.

Where are you feeling empty in your life?

Where are you feeling dead?

Where is the aliveness in your life?

And you get to start following that.

And it's really,

It's like a spool of yarn that's been tied up.

And as we start to pull on the thread,

Just continues to unwind and unwind.

And it's like a snowball effect.

It picks up momentum and it gets bigger and bigger and the snowball rolls faster and faster and picks up more weight.

And so the thing is,

Is that that spark within us,

That muscle,

It's trying to wake up.

It's pounding on the cage that's been put in.

And so it's not that you're,

It's not a one-way street.

You're not needing to go and do all this work.

It's actually,

You're needing to meet that place within you because it's trying,

You're trying to find it.

And at the same time,

It's trying to find you.

And that's a very important piece to feel into.

That place is trying to find you.

It's wanting to connect with you because that life source,

That power source of life that we talked about in the beginning,

It wants that for you.

It wants you to thrive fully because when you are thriving fully in your essence,

When you're connected,

When you're aligned,

Like that is a gift to planet earth.

You can look at that through the lens of like evolution and just science.

Like,

Okay,

Life is striving for diversity to continue moving forward as life to continue evolving.

It has the best chance to do that when you're fully in your essence,

Thriving,

Alive,

Connected,

Aligned.

And so on every level,

I think life is pushing you towards that.

And so there's so many more forces that are actually assisting you on this journey,

Trying to assist you on this journey,

Because for most of the time we're going against the grain.

But as soon as we turn that ship and go with the current,

It picks up.

And I think that's an important piece is that it's not just you.

You're not alone in this.

There's so many other forces that are wanting this for you.

Poetic.

That was really beautiful.

Thank you.

All right.

Is there anything else that you wanted to say as we reach the end today?

Anything else to add?

Yeah.

I think it's going back to how do we know what to do?

What's right and what's wrong?

When we get into this territory,

We kind of come to this place where it's like,

For whatever reason,

It just feels right.

We're doing something and it's like,

For whatever reason,

It just feels right.

It almost feels like natural.

Where has this been my whole life?

This just feels like what I'm supposed to be doing.

That's really what we're striving for because there's no textbooks for this kind of stuff.

You're not going to be able to go and listen to someone talking about this and say,

Oh,

He said it,

So it's right.

We're really wanting to come back to that place of this just feels right for me.

For whatever reason,

This feels right.

And then from that place,

Can you believe in that?

Do you believe in that?

That's the secret sauce on this journey.

Do you really believe in that?

I think a lot of people already know the places in their life that they feel empty and they can feel where they're maybe called into from that sense of aliveness,

But they're scared to take that step.

That's where believing in yourself really opens up the ability to take that first step.

I think the journey for many of us is that we'll kind of pendulate from this place of knowing where we're feeling called into,

Knowing the conversation we have to have,

Right?

Knowing the art that we need to create,

Knowing the posts we need to put out into the world.

And then we get caught in the fear.

And then what if?

And then,

Oh,

I can't abandon my job right now.

Like,

I can't disrupt the peace in our relationship,

Right?

And then we won't do it.

And then that place inside of us,

Again,

Will try and wake up again,

And it'll come pounding at our doorstep,

And then maybe we'll get close to doing it,

And then we'll go back into the fear and the resistance.

We won't do it.

And I think for a lot of us,

It's this journey of that pendulation,

But there will come a point where you just can't keep going back,

And that's the moment that you take that step.

And yeah,

I'm just encouraging everyone to take that step with grace and with courage and knowing that you're taking that step for so much more than just yourself.

This is so much bigger than you.

For generations and generations,

Your ancestors maybe never took that step.

They've been living in those cages of fear and resistance.

And so you're carrying your ancestors on your back.

You're paving the path for your children to take that step,

For your friends to take that step.

You're allowing life force to come through you,

Express in the most vibrant,

Beautiful,

Diverse way.

And that is a gift to the earth.

Ooh,

Love it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.