The Adult Chair Podcast: Integrating The Self

In this podcast, Michelle speaks with a client of hers, Sarah, who shares a story about a difficult upbringing that has had a profoundly detrimental impact on her later life. Michelle explains that we are born with a divine connection and guidance system. This part of us is the spiritual aspect of who we are, the part of us that is wise, all-knowing and always connected with us, guiding us and illuminating our life path. As we all have the ability to connect with this part and deepen the connection, Michelle takes Sarah through a process of awakening, allowing her to connect to the higher self. Use this inspiring technique to navigate your way through any of your own challenges, and cultivate a newfound peace of mind.

Transcript

Hello,

Everybody,

And welcome to the adult chair.

I am Michelle Schelfont.

And today,

Everybody,

I have a special guest,

And it happens to be a client.

And I've had a lot of requests in the closed group to have me work with clients on the show to help people to understand how we apply the adult chair in our own lives.

So I have a beautiful volunteer,

Sarah,

Is here with us today,

And we're going to get to her in one moment,

And we're going to work through some of her stuff.

So hang with us.

But first,

You can find out more about the show at theadultchair.

Com.

You can join the conversation on Facebook or Instagram or Pinterest.

I am new to this,

But now I have a Pinterest page.

So come join us there.

And make sure to request to join the adult chair private closed group on Facebook to learn more about the adult chair and living from your own healthiest and best self,

Which I consider the adult chair.

And you know,

It's a fabulous group of like minded people that all want to learn how to live in their own adult chair.

A little bit of business.

Don't forget,

We just have a few short weeks,

You guys.

I'm coming to San Diego,

October 12,

13,

And 14.

I get there.

I have this weekend intensive the evening of October 12.

And I go through Sunday the 14th at six o'clock.

So come join us.

And for more information,

I've got the whole itinerary down on the website.

It's all there at theadultchair.

Com forward slash workshops.

Getting on to it.

Here we go.

Hello,

Sarah.

Hello.

Thank you so much for being here.

Honestly,

I'm going to thank you a ton,

But I know so many people that listen to the show are also saying thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So thank you for being here today,

Sarah.

Oh,

Sure.

I had a session with Sarah last week,

And a lot came up and I said,

You know,

The next time we talk,

I think it'd be really cool if we could record it if it was okay with you and you were so gracious to say yes,

Let's do it.

And we're going to work with your 10 year old part today.

So I think it'd be nice just to give a little bit of background,

I guess,

On what's going on with you,

Sarah.

And you would like me to do that?

Or do you want to do it?

Yeah,

You can do it.

Okay.

So you are a 49 year old woman and right.

Yes.

And you were around the age of 10.

Okay,

Which is what we're going to work with today.

You were told by your parents that your mother had Lou Gehrig's disease and was probably going to be dying.

Is that how you would say it?

Yes.

Okay,

So you lived in a lot of fear for many years thinking your mother is going to pass away.

And was it around the age of 18 or 19 that you found out that was not true?

Yeah,

It was 19.

Okay,

So around the age of 19,

You had asked your mom like,

What's going on?

You know,

It's been nine years and your mom said,

Oh,

No,

It was just that I was depressed and it wasn't a disease.

So I mean,

I'm okay now.

Isn't that kind of sort of like it got brushed under the carpet when you asked about it?

Yeah,

She said that she forgot that maybe I needed closure because she just needed to move on.

Oh my gosh.

Okay,

So you'd been living for nine years thinking your mother's going to die.

Yes.

Okay.

And then we went on to then you went on to college.

And you were an excellent student from what I recall you telling me and you gained,

You know,

It was interesting when you first said this to me.

I said,

What's the freshman 10?

You said,

Well,

I gained the freshman 10.

Right?

And I thought freshman 10,

Like I gained 15 to 20 my freshman year.

I remember that.

I remember when you said that I was like,

Freshman 10,

What's freshman 10?

But anyway,

You gained freshman,

Your freshman 10.

And your mother began at that point after your freshman year verbally and emotionally abusing you because of the weight gain.

Yes.

And it was really,

Really bad,

Constant,

Correct?

Yes,

For like the all of college.

Well,

It started,

You said your freshman year and then you finally told your friends in college and they advised you to go get therapy for it.

And even your therapist in college called your mom and it did not stop.

Right now she called twice and it didn't stop.

Yeah.

So it was constant and it really started affecting you and you started having some anxiety.

Now here's what I'm curious about,

Did your anxiety start in high school or college?

I'm thinking if my mother might,

If I'm thinking my mother's going to die,

That might give me some anxiety.

So when did you feel like your anxiety began?

I definitely think it started at the time that my mom was sick.

I was more in terms of a lot of worry at that time.

Right.

And then as I went through college experience and since then decided the physical component too of just feeling panic attacks all the time and a lot of fear.

And when did all that begin?

That was in?

That was in college and it has sort of increased sort of exponentially since then.

Okay.

And so this began what?

30 years ago.

The college thing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean all the anxiety and the panic attacks.

So you've been living with this a very long time.

So you went on to get actually your PhD in psychology and you're a psychologist.

But because you said of your,

The anxiety and the panic,

You're not,

You were not even able to practice.

Correct?

Yeah.

I tried working jobs here and there and then I finally just had to quit and go on disability.

And tell us where you're living now.

I live with my parents in Denver.

Yeah.

When did you have to move home?

Let me see.

I moved back in 2000,

I initially moved back in 2006 and I tried again for a couple of years after that.

And then I moved back in in 2012.

Because of the anxiety,

Correct?

Yeah.

I just,

Every time I tried to work a job,

It was just,

Would make me fall apart with the anxiety.

And so I just was unable to hold even a more basic job because of the constant panic attacks.

Wow.

Okay.

So that is what,

Again.

So we're diving into some of this today.

Well,

We started out last week and we did work with some of that anxiety,

But I had asked you earlier,

I said,

So if you could name the top three reasons why you were,

Why you called me,

You said you're going to give the three things?

Shame,

Which comes,

I think a lot from the 18 year old and anxiety,

Which fear,

Anxiety,

Which comes from both and really started intensely when I was 10.

And then also just,

I feel that I've always been developmentally kind of stuck at that 10 year old and that 18 year old and it's had implications in terms of relationships,

Jobs,

Living situation,

And just something that I really felt I needed to take,

Start taking care of.

Yeah.

So that is why you reached out to me.

And then when we spoke last week,

Another thing that had come up was some codependency that I clearly heard last week.

Yeah.

So do you want to talk about that just a little bit?

In terms of my parents being very dependent on me.

Yeah.

And you feeling responsible for them in their emotional state and their wellbeing?

Yeah.

I think ever since my mom first got sick all the way through now,

I've always been very responsible for her because she's had multiple depressions since then.

I've been responsible for her wellbeing,

For a lot of helping her not to kill herself.

And then additionally,

My brother died last year and my parents have obviously struggled.

I'm living there.

So I'm really trying to help pull them through this horrible tragedy that happened.

And there's no doubt that that was a horrible tragedy.

But what we're talking about last week was the responsibility you feel to help your parents really grieve or move through this and when they're upset.

Now again,

I would never say to somebody,

What do you mean?

You're taking care of your parents when your brother has died.

I'm not saying not do that.

But what we talked about was the,

It felt like overwhelming responsibility you felt to do that.

Oh yes.

For your parents.

But even more than your brother's passing,

It was just them in general,

Just really feeling emotionally responsible for your parents.

Which again,

That's why I kept saying to you,

There's really something going on with that 10 year old.

We got to go back and work with that 10 year old.

So we had this session last week and I talked about what I believe from the adult chair in my words,

What anxiety is,

Which is the physical manifestation of unfelt emotions.

So we feel it physically.

And I ask people this all the time.

How do you know you have anxiety?

They're like,

Well,

I feel it.

My whole body is tense.

Or I can't breathe.

Or it's always something physical though.

And therefore I say,

Well,

Then what's the emotion?

And what typically when we can dive into that emotion and start getting in the body,

Getting into the emotions,

That anxiety lessens and lessens and lessens until we get to that point where it's like a distant memory or when it does come up again,

We can sink back into the body and then we can move on through that anxiety.

So that's where we were starting with you last week is even helping you to get back in the body.

Because let's face it,

If I'm 10 years old and I'm completely overwhelmed with fear or even terror that my mother is going to die,

I don't want to be in my body.

I don't want to be in there because it's so painful and it's terrifying thinking my mom might die and I don't want to feel all those emotions among other emotions.

So that was what we started working on last week.

We were just starting to explore just getting back into the body and we did some work with that.

So today I really want to work with that 10 year old part because I felt like she was frozen in time with fear.

And that's what happens when we have these traumas.

As you know,

Being a psychologist,

We have a trauma of even hearing the words from somebody.

And I don't know,

Do you remember someone telling you about your mother with thinking she had Lou Gehrig's disease or she was going to die or,

Well,

Let's go back and just work with that 10 year old a little bit.

What was the memory you have around your mother saying to you or whomever saying to you,

You know,

Your mother's going to die,

Your mom's going to die?

Right.

It's a very specific memory actually.

I remember the day of the week.

I remember everything.

And she just,

I came home for lunch from fifth grade and she pulled me aside as I was about to leave and said that something was extremely wrong with her and that her life was in danger and that she potentially had something that would kill her.

And I,

For some reason said,

Would you be alive for my high school graduation?

She said,

No,

She wouldn't be.

She'd probably be in a wheelchair before then and that she'd probably die.

And she used the word ALS and then she sent me off to go back to school.

And I can just remember the feelings of going back to school and the terror that was all around me and trying to figure out what to do.

And then I eventually looked up ALS and saw that it was Lou Gehrig's disease and read about it.

And she was sitting around the house holding her hands and saying,

I know I have it.

I know I have it.

It's the bad one.

It's the bad one.

And so I just remember thinking that that's what was going to happen.

So she was never formally diagnosed with it.

She was just guessing?

No,

She was being worked up for it is my understanding.

Okay.

But did anyone ever clarify for her that this is something you don't have?

I don't have the specifics,

But I think so because ultimately she's a nurse.

My dad's a doctor.

They looked in the medical model.

They worked in that.

And ultimately she was sent to a psychiatrist and was told that this was a physical manifestation of extreme depression.

And she found that out.

How long after she told you?

I don't know.

I know that that was fifth grade and it was a couple of years of her really being absent and holding her hands like that and saying it's a bad one.

And then by high school,

She seemed a lot better.

Until I was 19,

I did not know anything that had happened.

So you're still thinking she's got ALS?

Yeah,

I'm thinking she has ALS.

I'm thinking that for some reason or another I was convinced she was going to take her life in order to not experience this illness.

And I just felt sort of desperately trying to help her.

And I also had a baby brother.

And so she said to me that later when I was 19,

She said,

I just gave you,

I felt like I couldn't take care of him.

I felt like I might hurt him.

So I just gave him to you to take care of.

So I had a baby at 10 and just trying to help as much as I could around the house.

And my other brother who was eight,

He knew as well.

So I don't know the exact timeframe of her,

What she had figured out,

But I know that it was figured out and she just forgot to tell me.

That's kind of a big thing.

Yeah,

It was.

That's why I thought that maybe I was crazy and making something up.

And that's why I decided to ask her when I was 19.

And fortunately,

She told me or else I would never have even believed that I was having a correct memory.

But she did confirm that.

That's incredible.

Okay.

So you became a mom.

I heard you say I became a mom at age 10.

So you really had no childhood after age 10,

Basically.

Right.

I mean,

I was just a parentified.

I was like an adult as a kid and a kid as an adult.

Which makes a lot of sense when we spoke a week ago when you were saying,

Well,

I got to take care of my parents.

I mean,

They're very upset.

And you know,

It's like,

Wait a minute.

They're in their 70s.

Right.

I'm not saying not to be kind,

But the way that you wanted to take care of them was above and beyond.

And it was like a parent would do for a child.

So I absolutely get it.

Okay.

Okay.

So let's go back and do some work with this 10 year old.

Okay.

And you're sitting down somewhere.

Yes?

Yes.

You have a headset on.

Oh,

No.

I just have my phone.

Okay.

I mean,

You're holding your phone?

Yeah.

Okay.

You may want to put it on speaker,

But not yet whenever you feel comfortable.

But we're going to do some things where we're closing the eyes and you may need to put on speaker,

But for now it's okay.

So okay.

Let's go ahead with your feet on the floor.

Okay.

Let's just,

What we want to do is we're going to access that 10 year old.

Okay.

So let's go ahead and with your feet on the floor,

Let's just get present.

Okay.

Let's close your eyes and let's just,

Let's take some nice deep breaths and just relax in the body for a moment.

Okay.

We're just taking a moment to just really slow everything down.

And I want you to remember that at any point in time,

You can stop this at any time.

You're always in charge.

If it's uncomfortable,

You can say,

Okay,

I'm done.

And that's fine with me.

Okay.

Okay.

You're in control here.

So with your eyes closed,

Okay,

I want you to picture yourself on one of those,

You know,

The walkways in the airport that's like a,

That moves,

Like you can stand there.

You don't have to walk.

It just sort of slides you.

Yes.

What are those things called?

I can't remember what they're called.

Those things,

One of those things.

It's like the walkway that's like a,

Well,

You know what I'm talking about.

So go ahead and we're going to just picture that in front of you.

Okay.

So go ahead and just imagine yourself walking over to that walkway thing that's sliding backwards in time.

And we're just going to get on that.

And I want you to,

As you're going back in time,

Your body's going to know and your mind's going to know when we need to stop at that age 10 when you were in fifth grade.

Okay.

So let your body go,

Feel yourself move backwards in time.

Okay.

Are you there?

Yeah.

Okay.

So stand up,

Walk off that little slider thing.

It's your timeline.

Okay.

Okay.

So let's travel into your house.

You said you were home for lunch from fifth grade,

Correct?

Right.

Is that what comes to your mind when you think about this 10 year old or is there another memory?

Yeah,

That's the,

Cause that's where she told me.

And I remember where I was standing and everything.

Okay.

So let's,

Let's go ahead right into that room and let's go back to that scene very specifically.

Okay.

Now,

Are you standing there?

Are you being 10 or do you see your 10 year old?

I see it.

Okay.

Would you be comfortable enough to be in your 10 year old space?

Sure.

I'll try.

Yeah.

So let's go ahead and just become 10.

Let's be her.

So then your mother is looking at you and you're looking at your mom and feel 10.

So first of all,

What's it feel like to be back in that 10 year old body?

Apprehensive.

What's that mean?

Oh,

Fearful.

Where do you feel that in your body?

Oh,

Just all over my heart and chest.

So let's just take a moment and take a breath.

We're freezing.

Let's go ahead and freeze that scene.

Okay.

And breathe.

Now who's someone that's really,

Really safe that would stand up for you?

I believe I know who it is.

Jen.

Is that your friend or is that someone else I'm thinking of?

That's somebody else.

Okay.

So who would be someone really,

Really safe for you?

When I was 10.

Anytime now or earlier in your life?

I guess Harold.

Harold.

So is Harold someone that will speak up for you?

And they can be dead or alive.

They do not have to be alive right now or someone you've met or not met.

Just someone that feels like a protector for you or someone that will stand up for you and keep you safe.

Okay.

No,

He's alive.

He's right now at this time in my life.

Okay.

But we can move him back in time too.

So if you feel like he's someone that will stand up for you,

That's fine.

Also,

What about your dog,

Gracie?

Yeah,

I was going to say that,

But I didn't know if dogs were allowed.

Sure.

Yeah.

Any animal.

You can bring a horse with you if you'd like.

Gracie is definitely the safest.

Let's bring Gracie.

Okay.

Okay.

So you're going to be 10.

So again,

We're freezing everyone in that room,

Except for you.

Okay.

Okay.

So you see your mom about to tell you,

Is there anyone else in the room or just you and your mom?

Just my mom and I.

Okay.

So let's see your mom.

She's sort of like a statue for the moment.

We've got you standing there.

You're 10.

We've got Gracie right next to you.

Okay.

And she can even be leaning into you or you can be petting the top of her head.

You're 10.

So let's go ahead and just imagine all that right now.

Okay.

Okay.

Now what happens now to your emotional state?

Well,

Gracie being there makes me a little calmer.

Perfect.

Okay.

And I want you to,

Can you,

Do you notice the bottom of your feet as you're standing there?

Just notice yourself in your body,

Your feet.

Okay.

Got it?

Yeah.

Okay.

How do you feel now?

Well,

Before that,

I was just lost in fear.

And now,

I don't know,

I feel like a little bit more grounded and maybe stronger.

Okay,

Good.

So instead of moving this through like a whole,

Like a movie,

All I want to do is a slideshow with you.

Okay.

Got it?

Yeah.

So here we go.

So your mom,

So you're running in,

You're eating lunch.

So let's see yourself eating lunch.

Okay.

Where's your mom now?

Um,

Prior to telling me,

So she's just kind of moving,

Oh,

But it's not a movie,

Just kind of at the counter.

Okay.

So like a snapshot.

So see that and how do you feel now?

Well,

It's pre her telling me.

So I just feel kind of like I'm back from school and I feel fine.

Okay,

Good.

So you're neutral kind of feeling.

Yeah,

Just me,

Just regular.

There's Gracie,

You know,

Laying under the table or next to you,

Wherever you want her to be,

That's fine.

Okay.

So in the next scene,

You're done with your lunch and what happens?

Um,

Well,

I get my bag to go out the door.

Okay.

So then that's as if someone's got like a Polaroid,

You know,

And they're just taking a quick little snapshot,

You know,

Boom,

Boom,

There it is.

Okay.

So now see yourself,

You've got your bag.

Okay.

Now,

Where's your mom?

Well,

Now I,

I'm not sure where,

But now I see her standing where she's going to tell me.

Right.

So I want you,

This is still pre her telling you.

So tune into your body now what's happening.

I feel just like a little bit more wary.

Like something's coming.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay.

So where do you feel that in your body?

Sort of the same chest hard,

Maybe a little bit into my abdomen,

Top of my abdomen.

Okay.

So let's,

With your eyes closed,

Just tune into that a little bit more.

Okay.

Let's let those feelings be there.

Just,

It's just emotion and what's happening is so there's some energy building up in your system and it's like starting to lock some things up maybe.

Yeah.

I definitely feel frozen.

Well,

Not fully,

But I feel like it's happening.

It's happening.

Where's Gracie?

Okay.

So Gracie is next to me.

Okay.

So there she is wagging her little tail.

Yeah.

Okay.

So right now with your 10,

Let's go ahead and just take,

Take a deep breath.

Okay.

Very slowly.

We're going to slow everything down.

Okay.

Okay.

And what's happening now?

I guess I'm just kind of,

Pardon me,

Just feels like something is coming because she doesn't seem like herself.

And that feels scary.

Of course our mother is acting weird,

Right?

Like what's going on?

Something's coming.

Yeah.

So let's just allow those feelings to be there.

Okay.

And if we want to bring,

Would it be comfortable for you to bring Harold in?

No,

I think just Gracie right now.

Gracie is good.

Okay.

Yeah.

Know that you can pull Harold in at any time.

Okay.

He can walk right in that door,

Even though you're 10,

Doesn't matter.

Okay.

So let's just be with what's happening.

So let's let those emotions be there.

And all that I want you to do is just watch them.

Okay.

Okay.

So just let them be there.

Gracie's right next to you.

Just keep breathing.

Okay.

And let me know what happens as you're watching them,

Observing them.

Okay.

Well,

Is it okay?

It's advancing to the next scene.

Sure.

Are you ready to go there?

Yeah.

Okay.

So let's go.

So,

You know,

Now I see her telling me.

Okay,

So let's hear her telling you.

And what's happening to you?

It's just like clenching all over my stomach and my heart,

My abdomen and my heart.

Okay.

Let's be with that.

Okay.

Just let it be there.

Okay.

Now,

What I'd like to do now is bring in your 49 year old adult you.

Okay.

Okay.

So you're standing,

You said in the kitchen,

Correct?

Yes.

Let's bring in the 49 year old you.

So she just,

What I want to have happen right here is let's freeze your mom.

Okay.

So let's put your mom,

She's like a just completely frozen in cement,

Whatever you want to do to her is fine.

But she's just frozen.

She's not in many pain.

She's just frozen.

Okay.

And you're noticing all these feelings come up.

So can we bring 49 year old you in adult healthy you,

Sarah,

Who is coming in.

So see that happen.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So 49 year old Sarah is going to have this conversation with 10 year old you.

Okay.

Okay.

So from your 10 year old body,

Let's see 49 year old Sarah sort of like squat down a little bit to get at your eye level.

Okay.

Would it be comfortable if she reached out and grabbed your hand?

Yeah.

What would be comfortable for you right now from 10 years old?

From the 10 year old's perspective?

Actually just to stand closely right now.

Okay.

So you're going to stand closely.

How does that feel just having another person here?

Partially like maybe there's somebody that's going to help me and partially like nerve wrecking.

So I don't think 10 year old you knows 49 year old you.

So if I may,

Can I enroll as your adult for a minute and be 49 year old you?

Oh yeah,

Sure.

Okay,

Cool.

So you're going to be the 10,

You're still 10 year old you.

So just imagine I wanted to be comfortable for you,

10 year old you.

So could I pull up a chair or sit on,

Kneel next to you?

Like what would be comfortable?

I just want to be eye level with you.

Okay.

Oh,

A chair.

Okay.

So see me,

Here comes 49 year old Sarah pulling up a chair.

Okay.

She's eye level with you and she's really close.

Okay.

Okay.

So here I go.

I'm going to be 49 year old you,

Okay?

So I'm just going to introduce myself first.

So you just be you 10,

Okay?

So hi little Sarah.

I am the adult you.

And I just want to say hello and I'm here to watch out for you and to take care of you and to help you right now.

Okay.

Okay.

So what does she say?

What do you want to say being 10?

She feels very surprised.

Yeah,

I know.

It's so crazy.

I know you don't know me at all.

But I'm actually coming back in time to help you right now.

Okay.

So I feel a little bit scared and also a little bit like there's somebody here.

I'm not just by myself with my mom.

Yeah.

And it's okay to feel both.

It's perfect.

Yeah.

Maybe there's an adult that can help me here.

Yeah.

So here's the thing.

So I know again,

I know you don't know me,

But I'm here with you now.

And I really love you and I really,

Really care about you.

And I know that it's so scary right now hearing this come out of your mom.

But I'm here with you and I'm not going to go anywhere.

Okay.

And I need you to know something because I'm 49 and I've lived through all of this and I've come back to share some information with you that was missed.

Okay.

As scary as this is,

Your mother does not know this,

But she's actually depressed and she's not have ALS.

This is just depression.

So let that land.

Okay.

And what happens?

I feel sort of like she's a little bit scared at depression too,

Because that's not a really familiar word or term.

Okay,

Great.

And if you're in her body,

You're more than welcome to answer and say,

I feel scared.

But if you don't feel quite in there,

You can answer as you're answering.

So the interpreter of her,

Whatever feels most comfortable.

So what you're saying is depression is kind of scary.

Yeah.

It's not something that I'm familiar with.

Yeah.

It's a really scary term.

So your mother has something where she gets sad and she gets deeply sad and it feels very much out of her control and it's scary for her and she's not sure what it is.

So this is why she is reaching for some sort of,

This is why your mom is reaching for something else because she's not even sure what it is.

But what we have found out in the future is that she's depressed,

Which is a sadness and it's not your responsibility to take care of your mom and to make her feel better.

Okay.

And your mom's going to be okay,

But she might have this sadness here and there in her life.

And sometimes she gets deeply sad,

But it has nothing to do with you.

Okay.

And your mom can live with this thing that we call depression.

And she does live with it and she lives a very long time.

Okay.

Hmm.

I heard you say,

Hmm.

Yeah.

Definitely end.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

The question that went right away was,

You know,

Like,

Is it my fault?

No,

It's not your fault at all.

This has nothing to do with you.

This is something in your mom,

Within your mom,

Whether it's her brain or just her emotional state or things that happen in her own childhood,

We don't know.

And it doesn't really matter.

What we do know though,

Is this has nothing to do with you.

And she actually survives this.

And it's not what she thinks it is.

Okay.

Take a breath.

Let that land.

Okay.

What's happening?

There is some surprise and also soothing sort of.

So where do you feel that in your body?

Let's anchor that in.

Where is that?

Sort of take away the abdomen,

Really the heart.

So there's soothing in the heart.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In fact,

You know what?

If you'd like to put your hand on your heart right now or let imagine adult Sarah putting her hand on the heart,

That's fine too.

Okay.

Because I really want you to hear something little Sarah.

It's really,

Really scary what your mom just told you.

Yeah.

I think she's kind of tearful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's scary for your mom,

But sometimes I feel like after what we've talked about,

It's even scarier for you because you don't even understand what that word means.

You don't understand what any of it means.

Just that your mommy may not be here when you turn 18 and you wanted her to be here when you graduate high school and she said she probably won't.

Right.

And I just want to tell you,

It's not true.

She is here for your graduation.

She's here a long time.

She's still here even when you're 49 years old.

Okay.

And yeah,

There's a lot of almost tears of relief and confusion and relief.

Yeah.

So both confusion and relief.

Yeah.

Let that be there.

So where do you feel the confusion?

Well,

Always in the heart region.

Well,

I also just feel my head feels confused like what's going on.

It doesn't feel the physical,

Yeah,

It feels a little physical like headachy type of thing almost.

So what is confusing?

The sort of barrage of information at the same time like on my diet,

Lou Gehrig's disease,

49 year old,

You're going to survive just trying to assimilate and also believe.

Yeah.

It's a lot.

Right.

So let's take a moment because this is a lot of information.

Suddenly you've got a 49 year old you standing next to you.

You've got a mother telling you she's not going to be here.

Let's let all this just be here just for a minute.

Feel your feet.

Okay.

Let it all land.

It is confusing.

Like what's happening?

Yeah.

Because I was just at school in the morning.

Right.

And all this craziness is happening now.

Your mother's telling you this.

You've got a 49 year old you walking in.

Who are all these?

Who is this person?

And what is my mom telling me?

Right.

I want you to,

If you can,

49 year old you is right in front of you in this chair.

Do you see her?

Mm hmm.

Okay.

So let her,

Is it comfortable for her to put her hand on your back or on your heart?

Put it on my back.

Okay.

So let's put it on your back if that's okay with you.

Okay.

She really,

Really loves you and she's here to watch out for you from now on.

Okay.

Just,

Can you let that in?

Like you've really got somebody in your corner that's going to tell you the truth from now on.

Okay.

She's going to be here for you.

She's going to be checking in on you and clarifying.

There's a lot of things that are happening in your reality that need clarification and she's going to help you.

Okay.

Moving forward.

Yeah.

That feels some relief.

Yeah.

Even when you're 18 and all that stuff happens in college,

There's just this new part of you that's here now.

Okay.

Mm hmm.

Let that land.

Okay.

What's happening?

It's definitely a lot of relief and definitely some tears.

Mm hmm.

But there may be tears of kind of relief.

While she's been sick up to this point before telling me this news,

I've been really worried.

And so there's a little bit of relief because I haven't known what's been going on.

Mm hmm.

Yeah.

Where's the relief in your body?

Heart.

Yeah.

Can we let that be there?

So really I want you to focus your attention on that relief in your heart.

Okay.

And what happens to your heart when you're just focusing and really watching this relief happen to you?

It feels like a little bit warmer.

Mm hmm.

And just a little bit of the tightness eases a little bit.

Is there a color to that energy of relief?

Of the release energy,

Like a light blue.

Oh,

Cool.

So let's let that light blue be there right in your heart.

Just breathe and watch that energy.

Let us know what happens.

It seems like it's just maybe moving a little bit more instead of just kind of just a barely there.

It's a little bit more energetic.

Mm hmm.

Okay.

Let's see what happens next.

Okay.

Just again,

Sort of I'm realizing sort of how tense my whole body was and just a little bit of an easing of that.

Mm hmm.

Like you can kind of relax a little bit more,

Right?

Yeah.

Well,

I can feel that hand on my back.

And it kind of,

I don't know,

Something about the touch kind of at first that made me nervous.

And then now it's kind of a little bit like an adult being there to take care of me and I feel a little bit more eased.

Yeah,

This 49 year old adult next to you with her hand on your back is here to take care of you,

To watch out for you.

And again,

To offer you truth when things get really,

Really confusing and she's going to protect you as well.

Okay.

Mm hmm.

Let that land.

Feel that hand on your back.

Like this is someone to support you.

Yeah.

Mm hmm.

Let that settle in.

Yeah.

So I think I've been feeling alone with this for a lot longer than I knew.

Yeah.

And you're not alone.

You got someone else in your corner now.

Right.

That's good.

And she's not going anywhere.

She's going to walk through this with you.

Okay,

That's good.

So that does feel relieving.

Mm hmm.

Let's see what happens when you focus on that relieving energy,

That relief like,

Oh,

Wow,

Someone's here for me.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the sort of warmth in my heart and a little bit,

Whereas it felt like it was just going to spiral down when we started.

It feels like it's kind of,

There's a little bit maybe more hope where it's not going to just all fall apart on my whole family is not going to just fall apart.

Wow.

That was something we talked about in the beginning of our session here before we started this was not having hope.

So I just heard you say you have some hope.

Right.

Mm hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So this 49 year old part of you is really,

Really such a loving energy that has come in to help you and support you and not go anywhere.

Okay.

Yeah.

It sort of feels like that 10 year old is kind of gravitating towards that now,

Like that adult like sort of protect me.

Yeah.

So let's,

As you're sitting in this 10 year old space,

You know,

Tune into yourself again and is there anything else you need right now from this adult you that's sitting right here next to you?

No.

Great.

So how do you feel about now walking to school with the adult or I want you to do what feels right for you,

Letting this 49 year old adult you take you out for ice cream or whatever you'd like right now or go to a park.

What would,

What would be fun for this 10 year old you?

To walk me to school.

I actually almost said that that's what I was going to need just to walk me to school because I want to go back,

But I don't want to just be alone with the ideas in my head of my mom dying.

Yeah.

So let's go.

Are you ready to go to school?

Yes.

Okay.

So I want you to imagine again,

Here's this 49 year old you standing up.

If you'd like her to hold your hand or keep her hand on your back,

Fine.

Okay.

Remember this energy of relief.

Let's think about that one more time.

Let's let that land again in your heart space.

Okay.

Still feel it?

Yeah.

Sort of a little bit of safety.

Mm hmm.

Safety too.

That's great.

Okay.

Yeah.

So we're going to let this 49 year old walk you back to school.

So I want you to see yourself walking out of the house with this 49 year old and the dog Gracie.

Oh yeah.

Uh huh.

Don't forget about Gracie.

Right.

Okay.

Okay.

So the next scene is again,

Walking.

Do you want her to come into your classroom and sit in the back or do you want her to just walk you into the front of the school?

Just into the front of the school.

Okay.

Again,

If I may enroll again as your 49 year old,

You just for a minute.

Okay.

I just want to say,

Okay,

Sarah,

Have a great rest of your day and I want you to know I'm going to be here waiting for you right when you're done with school.

Okay.

Yeah.

And if you ever have a doubt and you get scared,

Just remember to put your hand on your heart and you'll remember some of the words that I told you from earlier today.

Okay.

How does that feel?

Yeah,

That feels sort of like there's a little structure.

Yeah.

A little predictability like somebody's going to be there.

So it really is safety that's coming up in a big way right now.

Yeah.

Great.

Well,

I'm here to help you to feel safe and I'm going to do whatever you need.

So I will be here as soon as you're done with school and we'll walk home together.

Okay.

Okay.

So you can imagine yourself walking into school and is there a bench or something out front?

No,

Just the kids are coming in off recess and starting to file into the classroom area.

So 49-year-old you is going to be standing right there the moment you get out of school.

Okay.

Great.

Awesome.

So see her go into class.

Okay.

And here you are and you will be there.

Okay.

So now we just want to bring you back to you today.

So let's go ahead and step back on this timeline.

Okay.

And you slide forward into today.

Okay.

September 24th,

2018.

Let's become present.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Take a deep breath and feel your feet on the floor again.

Okay.

Okay.

So if you can,

Let's put your hand on your heart if that's comfortable for you.

Yeah,

Sure.

And notice that beautiful 10-year-old that's still within you.

Okay.

And what does she feel now?

Protected.

Ooh,

I like it.

Protected.

Cool.

So what's different?

Anything else?

See,

She feels protected.

Anything else occur to you?

Definitely that hopeful thing again.

Wow.

Wow.

It feels like everything was just going down at the same time and then all of a sudden things got better at really quickly once the 49-year-old came in.

And once she was.

Yeah.

Powerful.

Cool.

So,

Safety,

Protected,

And hopeful.

Hopeful is such a big one because I know you said that even our first session.

Yeah.

When I said,

Oh,

I have so much hope,

And you said,

Wow.

Yeah.

That's true.

You said,

I don't.

Right.

And I said,

Well,

I'll hold it.

I said,

Today I'll hold it for both of us.

Then I'll hold it for you until you can step into that space.

It sounds like today you might have stepped into a little bit more hope in your life.

I think for the 10-year-old,

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I think we should remember,

We're just going back in time and finding these parts,

But think about it like a domino effect.

So think about this long row of dominoes,

And you just hit that one domino that was stuck at age 10 and removing her forward.

Okay.

So,

Things in today's life change because we just worked with that 10-year-old,

And now she feels protected,

Safe,

And hopeful.

Okay.

Yeah,

We're working in deep in the unconscious mind and the subconscious mind.

Yeah,

That's good.

We'll see how things change.

I wish I could psychically predict and tell you how everything's going to be different now,

But it's so hard to tell because everyone is different.

But we don't know.

But something's different because now you have hope,

Safety,

And you feel protected.

That changes the game.

Yeah,

That's a big,

Big change.

It's pretty big.

Yeah.

Great.

So,

Okay.

Well this is good.

Is there anything else that you're noticing in your body right now?

Just my body now or my body as a 10-year-old?

Just do a scan right now and tell me what's happening.

Either one or both is fine.

Okay.

While we've been talking,

My whole body's been here.

Today has been really tense and it feels a little lighter too.

Ooh,

That's good.

Yeah.

That's really good actually.

So you feel lighter.

You feel more open.

Is there still the blue energy in your heart space?

The blue energy of relief.

Yeah,

A little bit.

Yeah.

Great.

So now you've had all these different emotions come in.

So for your homework,

You know what I'm going to suggest?

What?

Checking in from your 49-year-old you with this 10-year-old you.

Oh,

Doing what we just did?

You don't even have to do that exact same thing,

But I would suggest that you just check in with her.

So if you could imagine her even in wherever you are right now in your house.

Okay.

If I say to you right now,

Like,

Hey,

Where's your 10-year-old?

Just imagine your 10-year-old in the room with you.

Where might she be?

I'm in a room with four chairs and she's in the chair next to me.

Perfect.

There you go.

You just did it.

So you can start checking in with her and just saying,

Hey,

I want you to know I'm here.

Is there anything I can clarify for you?

Because that was one of the things she was really confused.

Right.

I want you to know I'm here.

I love being here with you.

I'm here for you to clarify whatever you need.

So you want to start checking in with her and we'll see how it goes.

Okay.

That sounds good.

Yeah.

We'll see how it goes.

Just you checking in with her is powerful.

I mean,

This was powerful today.

Just connecting and unlocking that energy from way back when.

It was just stuck.

Yeah.

I could feel it because I've never really had any tears about that and I had tears in my eyes and that is actually a big change for me.

Wow.

Wow.

That's pretty powerful.

Yeah.

So when we have such a trauma as you had,

Our energy is just stuck.

It's like it doesn't move.

We're frozen in time and then you add all these other trauma.

The trauma of the ATA just gets piled on and we get stuck and we can't move forward.

So it's sort of like if you're baking a cake,

Right?

And you forgot to add the sugar and the salt and the baking soda,

Let's say.

The cakes turn out.

It might look okay,

But it might not.

It might be kind of weird looking.

But today we added in some new things.

So today we added in maybe some eggs and some vanilla and some baking soda.

So let's see now what happens to the cake.

You know what I'm saying?

It's like we are the final product.

Who we are today is the final product of what happened all of our life,

Throughout our whole lives.

So what happens when we start adding things into our mix?

And that's what you did today.

We added in this adult you and unlock the 10 year old.

I mean,

Who knows?

You have no clue.

We don't know.

But something is absolutely 100% different about you today.

Have no doubt.

Yeah,

That's good.

No doubt.

No doubt.

That is hopeful.

Yeah.

Well,

Good.

Good,

Good,

Good.

So do you have any questions?

Anything at all?

No.

I think I guess one thing is just for the future with working.

So I let this happen for a little while and then the shame really comes from the 18 year old.

Then does that kind of do the same exact thing in order to help that shame?

You just move and bring the 49 year old to the 18 year old do the same thing?

Yeah.

You can do the same kind of thing.

I would let your mind just go with it.

Go with whatever comes to you.

Bring yourself back.

In fact,

You can sit at your table where you are or the chairs wherever you are and imagine your 18 year old sitting next to you.

What does she want you to know?

What does she need to hear from you to clarify life?

And what does she want you to know?

Okay.

You're safe.

49 year old you is safe for these younger parts.

And you're just a presence that's going to show up and say,

Hey,

I'm here.

I'm here for you.

What do you want me to know?

Let me help you.

And the big part of what you want to do is just listen to these parts.

And then when they need clarifying or clarification,

That's your job is to clarify for them.

Oh,

Okay.

This is what you need.

Oh,

Okay.

Yes.

Well,

Let me clarify that for you.

This is what's true.

Okay.

So the 49 year old,

Even if it's stuck sort of as a child or adolescent as those younger ages can still come to these other ones from an adult chair.

Yeah.

You can be the adult you who's 49 and go back and visit 18.

See her in front of you.

Does that answer your question?

Well,

Just because I don't feel 49.

So I'm just trying to.

Gotcha.

That's a great question actually,

Because sometimes we get so stuck,

We don't feel 49.

So if you don't feel 49 at all,

One thing you can do is invite in your adult energy to come down through you to higher self energy,

That energy that really knows who you are.

See if that changes.

If that does not change,

Then you find someone in your life that you trust that can enroll as your 49 year old self.

Okay.

Okay.

Or we have one more session and then I'll do it with you and I can become your 49 year old self.

Okay.

So sometimes when we get swirling around,

We're like,

I don't know how old I am,

But I am not myself today.

I'm not my age.

So we might need someone outside of us to help us to anchor in to who we really are.

Okay.

Yeah.

That makes a lot of sense.

So you can actually ask a friend,

Again,

Family or someone that you can say,

Okay,

I need you to be for it.

I need you to be my 49 year old self.

I need you just to clarify a few things for me.

What was true about fill in the blank?

When my mother said this and that to me,

Can you tell me what was true about that?

This is not a bashing session of your mom.

I did not bash your mom.

I don't blame your mom,

But it's clarification.

Yeah,

That makes sense.

So when working with your 18 year old,

It's like,

Well,

Hold on a second.

Your mother was completely out of line.

If we were doing it right now,

And I know we don't have time,

But if we were,

I would say to you,

Your mother was out of line.

That was not okay what your mother did.

Okay.

Just set the scene like that.

Yes.

Okay.

Like I'm clarifying,

Because we do get confused and we get lost and we're like,

What is going on?

This doesn't make sense.

My mother's supposed to love me,

But she's saying doing this stuff and so that was not okay.

And I might even say the same thing to your 10 year old.

Like,

It's a little different because she's younger,

But I still might say that to your 10 year old.

If I have another,

If I'm dialoguing with her,

I might say,

You know what?

I don't know if you called her mom or mommy,

But I would say,

Mommy,

That was not okay what she did to you.

She gave you,

You know,

Your brothers to take care of.

That was not okay.

You're 10.

Go play.

So,

When you're bonding with your 10 year old now,

I would say to her,

Let's go to the park,

Go play,

Go hang out with your friends,

Invite friends over and you imagine little girls coming over or go to so and so's house or girls or boys.

I don't care,

But just be 10.

Because you were taking care of everybody at 10.

Yeah.

I was really like,

I was developmentally older at that age than I was.

You were forced to be.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah,

I can do that.

Does that make sense?

Yeah,

It does.

You know,

Oftentimes when I'm really confused,

I just call in the energy of my adult and I can just get this knowing comes through me and I'm like,

Okay,

Hold on.

I think this is what's true.

But other times I have to call a friend and I'll be like,

Hey,

Can you be my adult for a minute because I'm really confused.

They'll be like,

Oh,

Yeah,

Sure.

What do you need?

I'm like,

Can you tell me is this true or that true?

They're like,

Oh,

Yeah,

That.

Okay.

So sometimes we need people outside of us when we're feeling like really overwhelmed.

That makes sense.

Just to anchor us into the moment,

You know,

And help us to define what's true.

Yeah.

I know that's how my friends kind of were in college.

Yes.

And helped me define what was true.

And then not being in touch with them anymore.

I kind of lost that.

Yeah.

So that would be something else we could talk about.

Maybe we can touch with some of these people.

Yeah.

All right,

My darling.

All right.

Well,

Thank you for your help.

Thank you.

I really,

Really,

Really appreciate you letting me work with you today and sharing this with everybody on the show.

So this is such a gift to all of us.

So thank you.

And yeah,

We'll have to have you back on.

Maybe you can let us know how you're doing in like a couple months.

Yeah,

That sounds great.

I would do that.

Another check-in.

That would be awesome.

We'll have to do that.

Okay.

During the holidays or something.

That sounds great.

Thank you,

Sarah.

Thanks a lot for your help.

Of course.

All right,

Everybody.

Don't forget to go and check out the San Diego class the evening of Friday,

October 12 through Sunday the 14th.

You can go to theadultshere.

Com forward slash workshops for more information.

And again,

You will,

We will be doing a lot of the work that I just did with Sarah today in the workshop.

So it's really a powerful weekend and I hope you can join us.

And I'm Michelle Schaffa.

I will see you seated right here next week firmly in the adult chair.

Reviews

Knowing and caring for our inner child can be so helpful as an adult in most if not all relationships.

Thank you for sharing this :-) I know some people who do EMDR use the same sort of techniques. I’m glad you are able to help people become whole again.

Absolutely Excellent

Thank you to Sarah and 10 year old Sarah!

That was so revealing. Thank you so much Sara and Michelle, so much information.

Michelle,
I am always enlightened and encouraged each time I listen to you❣️
Thank you for sharing your gifts. 🙏🏻💕

Thank you. What an insightful podcast XX

Very interesting.

That was very powerful! Thank you very much to you and your interlocutor for this experience. It was a path to my own self as a child. Peace 💫

#SoReal #Relatable #BraveandCourageous #ThankYouBoth

I could use this brilliant technique to heal from my childhood trauma. Thank you so much Michelle!

Thanks for sharing...my 10 yr old self (I'm 54 now) had a revelation going through this session that I had never experienced. Thanks so much...Namaste

Very interesting.
Thank you . Very brave of your guest to share with us.
I can identify with the process.
Love and blessings.💛🙏💛