468: Break Free From The 3 P's

Today, I’m exploring how we can break free from procrastination, perfectionism, and pleasing people. These patterns keep us stuck, and I’m here to help you move beyond them so you can start living a purpose-driven, soul-aligned life.

I’m sharing one of my favorite tools - The Adult Chair® model - which helps us work with different parts of ourselves, like our inner child and adolescent parts, to create real, lasting change from the inside out. I’ll walk you through practical steps to connect with these parts, understand their roles, and begin transforming them. I’m also sharing client stories and guided exercises to help you apply this work in your own life.

Transcript

Welcome to the Michelle Chalfant Show,

The next evolution of the Adult Share Podcast.

I am Michelle Chalfant and my goal is to help you to awaken to your true self.

Together we will break through your barriers so you can find your purpose and live a soul aligned life.

Each week I'll bring you powerful conversations with thought leaders,

Spiritual teachers,

Healers,

And change makers,

Along with actionable insights to help you to transform your life from the inside out.

Welcome to the Michelle Chalfant Show.

Hello everybody.

It is Michelle Chalfant.

I'm thrilled to be here with you in my adult chair.

We have a very good show for you today.

So today's show is on ending procrastination,

Perfectionism,

And people pleasing.

I was going to say the three Ps,

But as I guess it's four Ps,

But really this is about working with parts again,

And that's such a huge part of the adult chair model.

So we're going to be doing that.

And even if you have something else and not one of those three things here,

You can use it to apply whatever you're going through.

So we're going to be working with parts today.

I'm going to jump right in.

I think you're going to love this show.

I hope you're going to love this show.

Here we go.

Well,

I hope I've gotten your attention with these hot topics.

People pleasing,

Perfectionism,

Procrastination,

Oh yeah,

Those are good ones.

But I'm going to tell you upfront,

What I'm going to talk about today works with all the parts,

All the parts of who we are,

But those specifically have been coming up so much lately.

On social media and emails,

Like we've just been hearing from a lot of you on how do I change this part of me?

And I'll hear beautiful stories of what people are dealing with.

And it's the same kinds of things that keep popping up.

So that's why I'm talking about this today.

Remember this,

This is the big takeaway.

If you want to change your outer world,

In other words,

How people are showing up in your life,

How you're showing up in the world,

You have to do and make the changes on the inner world.

You've got to do your inner work.

The whole adult chair model is about just that.

We want people in our environment to change all the time.

You know,

I want so-and-so to be different.

I want to be different.

It's not going to happen until we change who we are on the inside.

So that's what today's show is all about.

So how do I,

This is what I hear from people,

How do I stop people pleasing?

I lose myself and betray myself.

I can't stop pleasing.

Everyone is driving me crazy.

I can't set boundaries to save my life because that contradicts my inner people pleaser.

I hear things like,

This is a big one,

I can't get anything done.

I put off and put off and put off until the last minute.

Do you think I am ADHD?

Do you think I could ever change this part?

I can't live like this.

I am such a procrastinator.

What's wrong with me?

You know,

Another thing I hear a lot is I need to keep everything perfect.

I do hear this one quite a bit.

It's how I see the world.

It's just,

If it's not perfect,

I get headaches or feel nauseous.

I can't function.

You know,

My house never has anything out of place.

And if my kids or my husband moves anything,

I yell at them and it creates such stress inside of me.

People say,

You know,

I'm almost,

I think I'm OCD.

I can't stop.

Please help me.

Again,

I hear these quite a bit,

But I hear,

You know,

All kinds of parts show up.

And the answer is yes,

I can for sure help.

The adult chair model can help,

But you have to do that inner work.

And just remember,

We're just dealing with parts of who we are.

Okay.

When people say I am overwhelmed,

I am a perfectionist,

I am a procrastinator.

That's not true.

We have to watch our words because our words really do matter.

So there's a part of me that is a procrastinator and it might take take over all the time and show up quite a bit,

But it's not who you are.

So really be mindful of the words that you use and pick and choose really.

And they're so automatic.

When I think about working with parts,

Remember I've said this before,

We have so many parts of who we are to who we are.

You've got to remember,

We've got the inner child part and,

You know,

There are quite a few inner children inside of all of us.

You know,

You might have an infant part,

A one-year-old part,

A five-year-old part,

But there are dominant ones.

Like for me,

My five-year-old shows up quite a bit and my three-year-old,

But more of my five-year-old shows up.

The adult chair,

When we're sitting in our healthy adult,

There's just one part.

It's the adult part,

The healthy part,

Connected to the higher self with using the executive functioning in the brain,

Grounded.

That's it.

You're just in your adult.

There aren't five parts of the adult.

So we've got one adult,

A few children,

But man,

We've got a lot of parts that sit in that adolescent chair.

There's a cast of hundreds that sit in that adolescent chair.

So that's the work that we need to do with the procrastination,

Perfectionism,

People pleasing over,

You know,

Whatever it is that you're dealing with.

Most of the time we're going in and we're working with,

If we're not dealing with the inner child part,

We're dealing with what's going on and working with that part that's sitting in the adolescent chair,

One of the many parts.

So I say this,

Think of yourself like a puzzle.

You might have a dominant part that is a perfectionism.

That's not my,

One of my dominant parts that does not light up as much for me.

Well,

If my friends are listening to this,

They're going to be like,

Is she crazy?

Yeah.

All right.

I have that part.

It's medium sized.

It's not small,

But it's not my biggest,

Biggest part.

I'm very,

I'm hard on myself,

Which feels different to me than perfectionism,

Very hard on myself.

So for me,

That energy feels a little bit different.

So calm down if you know me,

Because I know they're judging me right,

Right now,

All the people that know me that are listening,

But anyway,

So you got to think about yourself like a puzzle.

So think about yourself having a hundred or 500 parts.

What are the most dominant parts that you want to shift?

So that's what,

That's what you can work with today,

But even if you have a smaller part,

You can use this to work with that part.

The idea here is to bring these parts into the whole,

What happens is the parts of us,

Like the procrastinator,

Like the people pleaser,

Like the codependent,

Whatever part you want to work with,

It's stuck in time.

It's stuck in the past.

So we've got to go back in time and rescue this part and unfreeze this part and educate this part.

This part is running the show.

It's really dominant in your life.

So we need to go back and educate that part.

So that is,

That is the steps.

You know,

I like my steps.

I'm going to take you through it today and I've got a really cool example I think you're going to really relate to.

I think that's all I need to share with you for right now.

Again,

When you feel rocked,

If you're triggered,

You can do this exact work that I'm sharing with you today.

It's,

This is just great inner work that I'm sharing with you on how to work with the parts of us that are popping up.

And if you don't know what the part is,

If you've got a dominant emotion that keeps showing up like shame,

Like sadness,

Anger,

Those can have parts too.

So go inside and find the part of you that's angry.

Go inside and find the part of you that feels less than,

Or unworthy,

Or I don't matter,

Or I'm not good enough,

Or fill in the blank.

You know what I'm,

You know where I'm going here.

So whatever the thing is that you want to work with,

We're,

Here we go.

We're going to start these,

The steps to really,

We're bringing all the parts into the whole.

Remember,

I've talked about this in the past.

What we want to do is cast light on these parts and we do that by going inside and it's like when we work with these parts,

It's like shining a flashlight on it.

So it brings them into the light,

Which means into our awareness,

Into our consciousness,

And then they can merge back into our wholeness,

Into our whole self.

That's what we're going for.

We want to become real.

We want to bring these parts into the whole because right now they're fragmented and they're kind of running the show,

But they're not part of the whole.

They don't know,

As crazy as this sounds,

They don't know that you're in charge.

They're in charge.

They have no idea that there's an adult.

So a big part of this is introducing ourself as the adult.

All right,

I'm jumping in now.

Here we go.

Let's transform.

So again,

First step,

Number one,

Become aware.

Awareness is the key to everything.

You've probably heard me say this at least a hundred times,

Aware,

Aware,

Aware.

We are unaware people.

We are unaware humans.

We live life like robots.

I'm not saying this to judge anyone because I do the same thing.

Don't take that as a judgment,

But we do.

We run our lives from the subconscious mind,

Which is the adolescent chair.

It's just easier for the brain.

The brain does not like to burn calories,

So it just lets this unconsciousness go.

What we want to do,

Awareness comes from the adult.

It's the conscious part of who we are.

So awareness is key to our transformation.

If we don't know that we're doing something or showing up in a certain way,

How in the heck are we supposed to change it?

So become aware of how you're showing up in the world,

And if you can touch this part,

What part is knocking you out of balance?

Okay?

Again,

Is it your procrastinator?

Is it your overwhelmed part?

Is it your codependent?

Is it your shame?

Is it your rager?

Is it your addict?

What is it?

Because that's the part that we're going to connect with.

So if you're that person that is a perfectionist,

You might say to yourself,

You know,

If you don't know that that's what's going on,

You might say to yourself,

You know,

You kind of dig and with awareness,

We can dig in and we say,

You know,

I'm getting headaches when my house is unclean or messy.

I wonder what that's about.

That's a problem.

Headaches are unnecessary.

Hear my perfectionist say,

I wish I could let it go,

But I can't.

Please help me.

So what's happening is this inner perfectionist is knocking them out of balance.

So we want to go in and talk to that part.

So here's the side note though.

If you feel out of balance and you don't know why,

The key is not to find that part,

But again,

To notice I'm out of balance.

So just go with whatever feeling you have.

So it might be,

I'm just out of balance.

It might be,

I'm a perfectionist.

It might mean I've got a headache.

Why am I getting a headache when my house is not clean?

Something just feels off.

Let me just go in and see if some part shows up.

All right.

So we've got number one,

Which is awareness.

Number two,

Pause what you're doing.

So we have the awareness,

Like,

Wow,

I'm really feeling it,

Like I am,

I am,

I can't stop working.

I'm a workaholic.

I can't stop.

There's the awareness.

Okay.

We,

That idea rises into our awareness.

Then what do we do?

Okay.

We need to create time to work with this part.

If I only had a nickel for every time someone says,

I just don't have time for that.

What?

Hello?

We're changing lives here.

You're changing your life.

You don't have time.

When people say to me,

I just don't have time for gratitude.

What?

Come on,

You guys.

Come on.

In the morning,

Before you get out of bed,

Let's have a little gratitude.

Pause.

We need to pause.

What's your priority?

You need to be your priority.

Hello?

So pause.

You realize I'm a workaholic.

Find the time to do that work.

Pause.

Find out when am I going to pause?

This is your life.

So then we realize,

Okay,

I'm going to take a pause in my day at whatever,

Six o'clock at night or two o'clock in the afternoon.

When we set up our space,

When we do this work,

Turn the phone off or silence the phone.

Let your family know,

Hey,

I need about 30 minutes or 20 minutes.

I'm just going to take some time.

Please do not interrupt me.

If you want to do all the fluff,

I'm not judging when I say that because I love my incense,

But if you want to sit and light a candle or have your soft music on or incense or nothing or get a pen and paper if you'd like,

Because some people love to journal their experience when they're done,

Do it.

Take care of yourself.

What do you need during this time of pause in setting up your space?

It does not have to be a big production,

But if you want it to be,

It can be.

Again,

Do what feels right for you.

There's no right or wrong way,

But do take the pause,

Set up your space,

Let everybody know you need a little break,

You need a little time,

And then we're going to go in and go after that inner part.

So once we get ourselves set up,

Number four,

Close your eyes and take some deep,

Slow breaths to center yourself.

We want to get really centered because we want to remember that we are who we are today.

When we go in to do this work,

I oftentimes will be working with,

Or not oftentimes,

But sometimes we'll be working with people and we'll go in and they forget that they're the adult and they're like,

Oh my gosh,

I feel like I'm 15.

I'm like,

No,

No,

No,

No.

So I'll go in and I'll help them.

But we want to really get centered.

If you're doing this work alone,

Get yourself centered and grounded.

So feet on the floor,

Open up the bottoms of your feet,

Allow that beautiful energy of mother earth to come in and ground.

Remember and state out loud,

You know,

My name is Tracy.

I am 35 years old.

I am present.

I am here.

You know,

Remind yourself who you are that's going in.

I am an adult.

Okay.

Drop inside.

Next part,

Number five.

Once we are centered,

Then we go in.

So for example,

If I'm looking for my inner procrastinator,

People pleaser,

Workaholic,

Shame,

Whatever you're looking for,

Go in first,

Feel that shame or workaholic or whatever you want to feel like,

Oh yeah,

I really am a procrastinator.

Okay.

Drop inside.

Then we go look for that part.

So we drop in.

Okay.

And you wait.

Number six.

So dropping in,

When we drop in,

The intention is to just to connect with that part of you.

I want to connect with the part of me that procrastinates.

I want to connect with the shame.

Okay.

You might get a sense of the shame,

A visual of the shame.

You might hear that part of you.

Either one is fine,

But you're just going to wait until it shows up.

There's no pushing.

You just drop in and wait and it will show up with your intention.

Okay.

Now when that part shows up,

However,

It shows up to you again,

It might show up with a visual.

It might show up like a green blob,

Or you're just going to sense that something's in front of you or might hear talking right away.

It's all whatever,

Whatever style you have is perfect.

Don't here's the really big,

Big,

Don't judge it.

You got to remember,

Stay present in your adult.

Because let me tell you what,

This part may show up and have its back to you.

I just talked to a client the other day and she said,

Well,

I went in to do my work and I was wanting to talk to the part of me that was really sad and that part showed up and her back was to me and I got really thrown.

So I stopped what I was doing and then she stopped it altogether.

And I said,

Wait,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

That's okay.

If it shows up with its back to you or yelling at you or angry or thrilled,

I don't know how this part's going to show up for you.

They're all different.

It's just an energy.

We have to remember this,

Even if it's yelling at you or far away from you,

It's an energy.

It's a fragmented energy piece,

Which is just a part of you that's like lost and we're reeling it back in.

Be patient.

It does not know who you are.

It does not know.

So we want to be patient.

You're coming in as the captain of the ship.

So this is one of your crew members that's sort of just lost.

So we want to instead look at it like,

Oh,

This poor part of me,

Like it doesn't know,

Just does not know.

So just be present.

So don't judge it.

Stay present.

And then the next step,

Number eight,

Is dialoguing with that part.

Once the part shows up,

You introduce yourself.

So with my client the other day,

When she said,

Oh,

Well,

It had its back to me,

I was like,

Well,

That's interesting.

So I said,

Let's work with it right now.

And the moment we started working with her part,

I just said,

Just introduce yourself to that part.

What happens?

She says,

Well,

That's weird.

That part of me,

It turned around and looked at me as soon as I said hello.

And I said,

I'm here for it.

I said,

There you go.

Like so much happens when we're present with these parts.

So dialogue with that part.

Just you want to say,

Hello,

I'm Michelle.

I am the adult here.

I've journeyed back in time,

Okay?

And you're here to get to know that part and help it.

I'm here to meet you,

Whatever you'd like to say.

I want to get to know you.

Your job is to stay present.

You're just gathering information from this part and you're sharing who you are.

Don't let that part throw you and don't,

Please don't yell at that part.

I have clients that'll say,

Well,

I talked to my part and it was mad at me.

So I told it to shut the hell up.

I'm like,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

We're a stranger oftentimes.

Sometimes the parts know who we are and they're so excited and they're like,

We are here to save you.

They think we're the savior coming in.

But if that part's yelling at you,

I just listen.

You got to understand it's a defensive part.

These parts are coming from the ego,

Which is the seat of fear.

The Seattle Listen Chair,

It's the seat of fear.

It's the seat of the survivor.

It's here to keep you safe.

The intentions with all of these parts,

Even the procrastinator and the people pleaser and the perfectionist,

All of them,

Their intention is good.

They don't know you're in charge.

They're doing the best they can.

And they're very,

Very young and they're doing the best that they can.

So be patient.

Your goal is just to get to know that part.

Just listen to it and reassure it that you're here now to help.

Gently ask and let that part know that you're willing and capable of being in charge gently after you've dialogued with it a little bit.

So you want to ask it questions.

You want to ask it like,

Hey,

What do you want me to know?

I'm here with you.

I'm so sorry I've not been here.

I'm here now.

Again,

That part might resist you or it might feel relieved.

It might think you're stupid and you can't handle it.

This has happened to me.

I've had a part say like,

Who the hell do you think you are that you've come in now to save me?

And it was very upset.

And it's okay.

It's okay.

So let it know your current age and some of the accomplishments you've had.

So I've said this to many of my parts.

I'm like,

I just want you to know,

I'm a mom,

I have a business and it's really successful.

I've been doing this for 25 years.

I have two kids in college.

I have a husband.

I've been doing this a really long time.

And I say I'm successful in who I am with my kids because I want that part to know.

I want it to hear I'm successful and I can be successful in taking its job over as well.

So even if you don't have kids and you don't have a business,

You can still say I'm very successful at what I do.

To let it know I'm capable is another thing you can say to that part.

So we want to reassure these parts like I can handle this.

And when we say and speak to these parts,

Say it with your power.

Say it strongly.

Like,

Hey,

I got this.

That's what we wanted to hear as little kids growing up.

Zero to 18.

Let's face it.

We want someone to say,

I got you.

I got this.

I can handle this.

Take a break.

Take a breath.

Relax.

I've got your back,

Honey.

I got it.

So do that for that part.

That's what you want to say.

Okay.

I have a really cool example.

I was working with a client a while back.

Her name was Laura.

And she gave me permission to share her experience.

It was so cool.

And it falls right in line with what we're talking about today.

This girl kept getting in the wrong relationships with unhealthy men.

And she would relationship hop.

So we would call her maybe,

Again,

You know,

I hate labels,

But relationship addict,

Maybe she couldn't stop dating.

And she would just pick any man to date.

And most of them are really unhealthy for her.

She had some codependency there too.

So she was wanting to fix everybody.

It was just almost like an impulsive thing.

She could not be alone.

And she wanted to always be like caretaking,

Helping and in a relationship,

But she hated being alone.

So she came in to see me.

And we did this exact work that I just shared with you.

So I'm going to give you this full experience.

So with Laura,

I invited her to feel the dominant emotion that came up before she would start reaching out and dating.

But you could really pick anything.

But I just felt like going with that.

I said,

OK,

So you're dating,

Dating,

Dating,

Dating.

I said,

What happens when you end the relationship before you start a new one?

And she said,

It's weird.

She says,

There's this weird feeling of overwhelm.

She goes,

And it doesn't make any sense to me,

But it tends to go away as soon as they get a boyfriend.

I said,

Oh,

Cool.

I said,

All right,

Let's go work with overwhelm.

So she said,

OK.

So we went in and we went in to find her overwhelm.

So she dropped in and I said,

Just first what I did there,

I said,

Can you feel,

I said,

I want you to think back to the last guy that you broke up with or he broke up with you and the time in between when you had no one and that overwhelm came,

I said,

Feel overwhelmed inside of your body right now.

And this is a very quick way to drop it and meet that part.

So she did.

She said she felt it in her body and she said she felt it in her chest,

Like her chest was really,

Really tight.

And it was actually traveling down to her belly button area.

It was this whole like tube thing that was tight,

Tight,

Tight.

And I said,

Great.

And that feels like overwhelm.

She says it does.

So whether you have the emotion or just the physical feeling,

Both are fine.

I'm just letting you know,

You don't have to get one or the other.

You can get both or one or the other.

It doesn't matter.

Anyway,

So she went in.

And as soon as she felt that,

I said,

Drop it and get the energy of that part.

What does it look like?

And she dropped in and she said,

Oh,

She said,

I'm looking for overwhelm.

She says,

I know there's something there,

But it looks really far away and cloudy.

She could barely see it.

It was kind of staticky too.

I said,

Okay,

That's no big deal.

Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself?

So you can do this out loud or in your mind.

It doesn't matter.

And she said,

My name is Laura.

I'm 40 years old.

I've taken a journey back in time to come and get to know you better.

I am the adult in charge and I would like to get to know you.

With that,

Immediately she reported that the overwhelmed part in the whole scene went from being really cloudy and foggy.

It got crystal clear.

And that part,

That overwhelmed part moved closer to her and she clearly could see immediately.

She goes,

Oh my gosh.

She goes,

That's my 13 year old.

She goes,

I recognize her.

I said,

Great.

I said,

How does she look?

And she said,

Really overwhelmed.

I said,

Well,

How ironic.

Let's go talk to her.

So again,

She said,

Hi.

She said,

I'm Laura and I'm here to help you.

And she said,

What would you like me to know?

I'd like to get to know you better.

And this 13 year old part said,

I'm so tired and I'm worn out.

I feel hopeless that this will never,

Ever end.

I have way too much responsibility and I don't want to do this anymore.

And she said that her hair was all messed up and her head was down and she just looked tired and overwhelmed.

And I said,

Laura,

Ask her why she's so worn out.

And she asked this,

Here's,

Wait,

I'm so glad this is coming up.

Key point,

Key point,

Key point.

So as I'm working with Laura,

So I'm working with Laura,

I said,

Ask her why she's so worn out.

Laura opened her eyes and looked at me and said,

Well,

I know why she's so worn out.

She started talking about something else.

I said,

No,

No,

No,

No.

I know you have an idea about why she's so worn out.

I need you to ask her,

This 13 year old part,

Ask her why she's so worn out.

So that is a huge takeaway.

Do not guess and think you know why or what these parts are going to say or why they're feeling what they're feeling.

No,

No,

No.

Go inside of you and ask that part these very pointed questions.

That's where we want to go here.

So Laura went back in.

And so she started answering me and I said,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

Ask that part.

And what she shared with me,

And I can't remember her exact words,

She goes,

Well,

I think she's overwhelmed because she had something,

She goes,

Well,

She was having a really hard time at school and da,

Da,

Da,

Da,

Da.

And I said,

Oh,

Okay.

I said,

I don't,

I don't believe what you said.

I said,

Go in and ask your 13 year old what she's overwhelmed about.

So she closed her eyes,

Dropped back in and she said,

That's exactly what it was.

I'm thinking back on this.

She,

She thought it was her grades at school.

So it's something to do their grades.

She went back in and she said,

The 13 year old said that her mother was really depressed and spent most of her days in bed and her father worked all the time.

And she felt like the parent and she had to raise her three younger siblings.

She was the oldest.

And she also had to clean sometimes and even cook some of the meals and it was exhausting and overwhelming.

With that,

The waterworks began and Laura started to cry and we had paused and I just let Laura have a really good cry.

And as you know,

I encourage crying.

I have Kleenex all over my office because it really does.

It moves emotions and energy and we hold back the tears.

We want to get those out and move that energy through.

So Laura,

You know,

We took some time and I let her cry.

And Laura in front of me,

The adult Laura was like,

I just forgot how overwhelming that was way back then.

And I said,

Yeah,

Your 13 year old is stuck in time.

She does not know.

She knows that she's overwhelmed and she's stuck in it.

You might have blocked it,

But here we are,

We've opened it right back up.

So I said,

When you're ready,

You know,

Let's go back in.

And she says,

All right,

Let's do it.

And I said,

Can you please let your 13 year old know that you get it and that it's way too much for a 13 year old kid and that you're sorry that she's living like this.

Again,

Not that this adult her is taking responsibility,

But you're still sorry.

Like I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.

It's way,

Way,

Way too much.

So Laura went in and did that.

And that 13 year old was like,

Thank you.

You know,

I really appreciate you saying that,

But man,

It's,

My life is really hard.

It's too hard.

So then I said,

We need to have a conversation with your father because the father was just working all the time.

He was doing his best.

I said,

Let's,

Let's bring in your dad.

So adult Laura said to 13 year old Laura,

I'd like to have a conversation with dad,

With you here.

And her 13 year old looked hopeful,

But was a little bit scared.

Like,

Well,

Is dad going to be mad at me?

And I said,

Tell that 13 year old that everything's going to be okay,

That you're there to protect her now.

And you're there as her ally and nothing bad's going to happen because you won't let it happen.

And if she wants to stand behind you,

That's okay.

And she told her 13 year old that and her 13 year old loved that.

She said,

Wow,

It feels really,

Really good to have somebody on my side.

So we brought dad into the scene and Laura again,

Introduced herself to her dad and said,

Hi dad,

You know,

I've traveled back on a journey to visit little Laura and you,

And I'm actually 40 years old now,

But I've come back.

I think this is really important when we're working with other people in this scene.

I said,

Validate dad.

So she went in and said,

Dad,

I really want to validate how hard you're working.

And I know how difficult it must be to have a wife with depression who stays in bed all day and have four kids.

And Laura said to me,

You know,

He really looks tired.

He's so worn out.

And he really appreciated the validation and empathy that he got from Laura.

And he said he was guilt ridden about leaving Laura in charge.

By the way,

On a side note,

Again,

Laura,

Who's 40,

Never knew that.

But in this scene,

In this guided imagery that we're doing,

He said this to Laura.

So that in itself raised something off of Laura.

Then I just gave Laura the words and I said,

Here,

Just speak after me,

Dad,

I'm 40 years old and I want you to know I turned out fine,

But I'm plagued with this inner feeling of overwhelm.

I keep picking bad men to just fill my life as a bandaid for me to cover up my internal feelings of overwhelm.

And I think they're stemming from this part of my life.

What would be helpful for you is to have grandma or Aunt Sherry or a babysitter or someone come over to help me and to be a mom because our mom is not available and we need help.

I can't do it.

I don't want to be the parent.

I'm only 13.

So or Laura's only 13.

So she had this beautiful conversation with her dad and she said a few more things.

I can't remember what else we said,

But it was just really beautiful what she said.

And she just ended it with,

You know,

Dad,

We just need an adult in the home and we can't do this anymore.

These kids need healthy adults and Laura,

Who is 13,

Is not a healthy adult.

So Laura's father actually paused and looked at little Laura and said,

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I haven't been in survival mode.

I didn't even know how difficult this had been for you and I'm trying hard not to keep I'm trying hard to keep the family afloat.

Thank you for telling me all this.

So he said,

My sister,

Your Aunt Sherry,

Asked me last year if she could come help when your mother got sick and she was going to stay from after school until I got home from work and even make meals for dinner.

And I didn't want to burden her.

And I really thought that little Laura can handle it.

And he said,

I'm going to reach out to her today and take her up on her offer to come and start helping ASAP.

Little 13 year old Laura transformed in that moment.

In that moment.

And my client,

Laura,

Who's 40 in the room with me,

Again,

Tears came.

And she said that little Laura had light all around her all of a sudden and through her entire inside part of her being.

And she looked totally different.

She wasn't looking down.

She wasn't sad.

She didn't look overwhelmed.

She actually looked hopeful and empowered.

She had a huge smile on her face and she hugged adult Laura and her father.

In that moment,

Her overwhelm was transformed.

So Laura opened her eyes and looked differently even in my office.

She said she felt like a totally new person and lighter.

And she said,

I realized I do not breathe very well.

And right now I'm taking these very deep breaths.

I said,

Great.

She said her chest felt open.

That tube that was in her body was gone.

So here's what's so magical.

When we do this work in the mind and we travel back in time and make changes,

The mind does not know if it's reality or imagination.

The mind thinks that everything is or has happened or is real.

So think of updating your iPhone or your phone,

Whatever cell phone you have or your computer or your iPad,

Whatever you have.

You don't get,

When you update it,

It's not like you have to go get a brand new phone.

You're just updating the inner workings of that phone,

Right?

You're updating the software of the phone.

That's what we're doing when we do this parts work.

We're updating your inner software.

So the inside,

Just like the inside of your phone is different and then it shows up differently on your screen.

That's what happens when we do this really cool parts work.

We work on the inside parts and then outside of who we are shows up differently in our world.

So humans are just like cell phones.

So Laura went in and updated her childhood and now her current life can change.

And because so many of you will write in and say,

Whatever happened with so-and-so,

I've got to finish this story.

So the next time Laura came in,

I think it was about two or three weeks later,

She came in and she'd broken up with her latest boyfriend and she said it just didn't feel right anymore.

It just wasn't a match and she still felt like she could breathe easier and she felt a lightness that she'd never felt and she had maintained it since the session and the overwhelm was gone.

How about that?

One session.

So this process works with anything.

We have many parts and I've done this work with myself on many different parts,

But,

And I want you to know something.

Sometimes these parts come back in different forms.

You got to think about a layering of an onion.

So I would wonder if at some point we might work with overwhelm with Laura again,

Or maybe that's just totally gone.

I don't know.

It's different for everybody.

But this process that we did works with anything and just give it a try.

You might not get it on the first time,

But go back in.

Sometimes the parts resist us because they go,

Hmm,

You're never going to come back and I don't know if I can trust you.

So go back again.

When I talk with people about working with their inner child,

They'll say,

Well,

My inner child didn't want to talk to me.

I'm like,

Great.

Can you go in the next day for one minute and check in with that inner child?

They don't trust you.

Why should they?

They don't even know who we are.

So go back the next day.

It's totally okay.

So they may not transform 100% in that one session,

But they might do it the second session or the third.

But it's pretty quick,

You guys.

I don't,

I don't need to do this like many,

Many times.

It's usually just one session.

So no matter what part of your adolescent chair you're working with,

This part,

This process is going to work.

I just did the same thing with this other person.

Her name's Becca.

She's a people pleaser.

Her nine-year-old was stuck in a program.

Her inner nine-year-old was stuck in a program.

This was so cool.

Her mother had placed on her.

So her mother said over and over and over again,

When she was a little girl,

She'd say to her,

Good little girls don't have opinions.

They just go with what other people want.

Just go with it.

That makes you really polite in the world and that makes you a good girl.

That's what she said when she was a little girl,

Okay?

All the time she heard it from her mom.

So it was like ingrained in her.

So we went in and we had a chat and we found her nine-year-old was stuck in this program and we corrected the language that her mother had programmed in,

Just like the software,

You know,

The cell phone again.

And we just put a new program on top of it.

And we decided from her adult,

What if we say to this nine-year-old,

Good little girls follow their hearts and they are polite,

Respectful,

And they speak up for themselves.

And she loved it.

The little nine-year-old was like,

Wow,

I can do that.

And even the adult perversion that was in my office back,

I was like,

I like that.

I can.

And I said,

Yes,

Give yourself permission.

So she gave her nine-year-old permission and said,

I give you full permission to speak up for yourself.

We want to hear from you.

You deserve to speak up.

And we said a few more things like that.

We updated that program and she began slowly to show up differently in the world.

It was so cool.

She felt free to have her opinions.

This is what was interesting with her.

Her opinions weren't even coming to her.

She would just,

It was such a wall with even her opinions.

So the first thing that started happening was she worked on noticing what her opinions were in different scenes in her life and with people.

Then we worked on speaking them out loud.

So it took a bit of time,

But it did shift completely.

And then she started speaking up with herself to other people.

And it was just amazing.

And the whole program was,

Was shifted.

It was really,

Really empowering for her.

So no matter what your persona is showing up,

Drop inside and see what or who is showing up for you.

It's just a part of you that's stuck in time and needs updating.

It's truly as simple as that.

Okay,

Lots of good stuff here.

Just practice this you guys and have fun with it.

Don't go in being strict.

Just talk to these parts as if they're,

They're really like these little human parts.

Like what would you say to them if they were really standing in front of you?

Go with that and you really loved them.

Go with these guidelines.

I promise you,

I promise you this works.

I do it all the time with myself and others.

So,

Whew,

All right.

This was a good one.

Hope you guys enjoyed it.

Let me know what you think.

So anyway,

Have a beautiful rest of your week,

You guys.

And so happy that you're joining me in the adult chair.

I will see you next week,

Right here.