A Course in Miracles talk number 17,
Our Resistance to Forgiveness.
It is often thought by people new to studying A Course in Miracles,
That their lives will become more peaceful as they begin to practice its teachings.
However,
This does not always follow.
In fact,
Things may seem to become worse,
Not better.
Before practicing the principles of the Course,
They will probably have heeded the Ego's counsel and denied the guilt they felt and projected it onto others.
Now they attempt to bring their unconscious mind to consciousness,
Which starts the process of undoing denial,
Bringing their guilt to the light of the Holy Spirit to be forgiven.
To become aware of the Ego's darkness in the mind is not an easy process.
The principles of forgiveness,
As described in the Course,
Are relatively simple to understand and bring us great rewards if we apply them.
It is also true that most of us find it very difficult to own our pain and ask for help.
To help us understand why this is so,
The Course goes to great lengths to show how subtle and devious the Ego really is.
We are largely unconscious of the way it operates,
Owing to the wall of denial we have constructed.
The Course encourages us to look behind that wall and learn to look gently at what we find there.
As we practice forgiveness,
At the same time we shall be lessening the importance we have given to the Ego.
Having identified so strongly with the Ego's thought system,
It seems as if we are sacrificing something very dear to us.
As we bring our darkness,
Illusions,
To the light,
Truth,
The Course states that we will experience,
Quote,
Periods of unsettling.
These are times of discomfort and anxiety that we must inevitably feel in the process of shifting from the Ego's thought system,
Wrong-mindedness,
To the Holy Spirit's thought system,
Right-mindedness.
The manual states,
First,
They,
God's teachers,
Must go through what might be called a period of undoing.
This need not be painful,
But it usually is so experienced.
It seems as if things are being taken away,
And it is rarely understood,
Initially,
That their lack of value is merely being recognised.
This quotation is taken from a section which describes the six stages in the development of trust.
Jesus cautions us that four of these stages are normally experienced as difficult,
And thus we should not underestimate the challenges involved in spiritual growth.
It would be helpful to take a closer look at our investment in the Ego and what it seems to offer us.
As we start to question the so-called gifts it holds out to us,
Our practice of forgiveness will become easier.
Our Ego will tell us that we are the most important person in the world,
We have special needs which must be fulfilled,
And we feel justified in using whatever means are necessary to achieve this.
The Course tells us that the source of this justification comes from an insane belief stored in our unconscious mind.
This belief states that we are lacking the things we need because they have been stolen from us.
This thought justifies the use of any means to get back what we feel is rightfully ours in the first place.
Forgiveness teaches the opposite of this and states that we have given away our remembrance of our spiritual reality in exchange for the experience of individual uniqueness,
The need to feel special and different from others.
When we decided to forget our true state of unity within the One Mind of God,
Competition and judgment had to follow.
To maintain a sense of individuality,
We must continually compare ourselves with others and look for differences.
If we meet someone who seems better than us in some way,
Then we must make them into our enemy or put them on a pedestal and appear to look up to them.
However,
At a deeper level of our mind,
We will hate them for being better than us.
The text states,
Only the special could have enemies,
But they are different and not the same,
And differences of any kind impose orders of reality and a need to judge that cannot be escaped.
When we come across someone who we judge as inferior,
There will be a desire to keep this person the way they are,
So we may appear superior by contrast.
The text describes this dynamic as follows.
Against the littleness you see in him,
You stand as tall and stately,
Clean and honest,
Pure and unsullied by comparison with what you see.
Nor do you understand it is yourself that you diminish thus.
This quotation reminds us that when we compare and attack our brothers,
We are also attacking ourselves.
Our attacks are always centred on another's body or their behaviour,
And thus our belief in the reality of the body is strengthened,
And our awareness of the spirit is weakened.
The text states,
You would oppose this course because it teaches you and your brother are alike.
Forgiveness teaches us that our egos are all the same,
As is our Christ nature.
This is the last thing our ego wants to hear.
For the ego to retain its desire for specialness,
It must perceive differences between itself and others.
If someone goes to a party,
The last thing they want to find is someone else wearing the same outfit as them.
Our original desire to be separate and different from God is perpetuated in our continuing desire to be separate from others.
Forgiveness will undo this thought and eventually return to our awareness,
Our oneness with each other and God.
This is perceived by our ego as an act of treachery which deserves punishment.
To welcome the state of unity back into our awareness means the death of the ego,
And this it must fight with all its resources.
The text states,
The ego is deceived by everything you do,
Especially when you respond to the Holy Spirit,
Because at such times its confusion increases.
The ego is therefore particularly likely to attack you when you react lovingly,
Because it has evaluated you as unloving,
And you are going against its judgment.
The ego will attack your motives as soon as they become clearly out of accord with its perception of you.
This is when it will shift abruptly from suspiciousness to viciousness,
Since its uncertainty is increased.
We might experience the day when we feel open to the love of the Holy Spirit and feel a deep sense of peace and well-being.
We may even think that this state could last forever.
However,
We might wake the following day feeling depressed and alone and wonder why things have changed so much.
To allow this shift to occur,
We must be persuaded by our ego that to continue listening to the Holy Spirit is dangerous.
The ego reminds us that it is safer to stay as we are,
As change will involve sacrifice,
And even worse,
There is an avenging God waiting at the end of our journey,
Ready to punish us for our many sins.
We are told that if we follow the path of forgiveness,
We shall have to look at all the horror and darkness within our mind,
And that we shall not survive this experience.
The journey of forgiveness is not an easy one,
But its success is guaranteed by God,
For it is His will that we return to Him.
