Welcome to this essay by Maggie Stevens entitled,
Masquerading is hope.
Sometimes I think I have this whole meditation thing down.
I settle myself and my body is still.
My mind is ready to wish the world loving kindness and then it happens.
My expectations take center stage wearing their Sunday best and masquerading as hope the way children play grown up in their parents clothes.
Sometimes I see through their games.
They are merely my desires to hold on to or push something away.
In either case,
I'm the puppet master pulling the strings to get the outcome that I desire.
It's my attempt to control the world.
This self-interested thought process is not unlike the magical thinking of children who love the moon and therefore know that she follows them.
Or conversely,
They believe that that which they fear disappears when they close their eyes.
Confession,
I still do this when watching scary movies.
This false hopeless is a lesson I practice over and over again.
My expectations pull me into the future like a kite in a strong wind.
Musician Devendra Banhart in an interview with Krista Tippett on her On Being podcast shared the two worst phrases in the English language are someday and if only.
Our expectations build castles in the future where we can hold on to everything pleasant and banish all that is uncomfortable or painful.
Rationally,
Of course,
We know that this is impossible,
But it doesn't stop us from spending a lot of time at that construction site.
When we think,
Why me?
Isn't the better question,
Why not me?
Each of us experiences our own 10,
000 joys and sorrows.
We often see these joys broadcast on social media,
But rarely do we see the sorrows.
We are fooled that the lives of our Facebook friends,
Neighbors,
And celebrities are all of that and a box of chocolates.
We know the truth of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's words,
In each life some rain must fall.
Rain,
Nourishing and healing rain.
We don't relish the sorrows in our lives,
But they have much to teach us.
Humility,
We too will have our share of experiences that knock us down.
Gratitude,
We find that we can endure and overcome.
Connection,
We discover that we aren't alone.
Our lives are not straight lines moving ever higher on charts.
They are cycles with sorrows and successes,
Sometimes both at the same time.
We experience these lessons over and over again.
So how do we unmask these expectations that are masquerading as hope?
Let go.
We can let go of the idea that we can control people,
Places,
And things.
We can let go of the outcome.
As meditation teacher Jack Kornfield said,
We love best when we let go of expectations,
Just as we pray best when we don't expect a certain outcome.
To be clear,
I have hope.
I believe in the overwhelming and unstoppable force of love and compassion.
I do not know how or if we will solve global climate change,
Political unrest around the globe,
Or racial reckoning.
I have hope because I choose to look at the innumerable acts of mercy and grace that people do each and every day.
Every day,
Animals are being rescued.
The ill are cared for.
New medicines are discovered.
Neighbors check on neighbors.
People choose kind words over harsh ones.
This kind of hope is a grace.
I have no idea if any of the world's problems will be solved in my lifetime.
But to be honest,
I didn't think I'd see gay marriage happen.
And then,
One day,
The tipping point came down on the side of love.
My heart echoes the words of Reverend Angel Kyoto Williams.
I must face this because it is intolerable to live in a way that doesn't allow me to be in contact with my full,
Loving human self.
So the next time my expectations wander into my meditation,
I will chuckle at their outlandish costumes and tell them,
I see you.
Then,
I'll continue to sit.
I hope you enjoyed this talk.
You can find more of my writings at www.
Metamindfulness.
Com.
Thank you for listening.
