Considering Your Baggage Once,
When my granddaughter was about four years old,
Her mother found her busily stuffing everything but the kitchen sink into her small backpack.
What are you doing?
Her mother asked her.
You're only going to grandma's house.
Well,
My granddaughter responded sagely,
You never know where you'll end up.
And she continued packing.
We all learn at a young age to hold on to things.
We learn by squirreling away experiences.
Who will give us an extra dessert?
What does that look on mom's face mean?
When can I be loud?
Our experiences imprint the lessons in our brains,
The valuable ones like learning streetlights.
But also those that don't serve us so well,
Such as believing that we are unlovable.
Over the course of a lifetime,
We stuff a lot in our backpacks,
Unsure what we may need for the future.
Now,
As we begin to move out of our restricted pandemic life and re-engage with the world,
It might be a good time to sort through our baggage.
Whether you have a well-traveled and worn backpack or a set of matching luggage,
It's a good time to see if you can lighten your load.
Be brave.
Open it up and let the light in.
If you look,
You might find many sharp-edged words that people have used to cut you over the years.
Sometimes you cut yourself with them.
You don't need those.
Take them out carefully and throw them away where they won't hurt anyone.
You'll find sticky things you've picked up along the way.
You meant to leave those things behind,
But somehow they always find their way back into the pack.
There are heavy things on the bottom,
Sorrows and hurts that have weighed down your heart.
Maybe it's time to take them out and throw them into a pond or river and just watch the ripples.
Lastly,
There are buckets of crumbs and all sorts of detritus that have filtered to the bottom.
Those are the habits that took on a life of their own,
Even though we wanted to get rid of them.
We continue to carry them.
Now is as a good time as any to examine beliefs and habits and then ask the questions.
Does this serve the life I want to live?
Does this belief help me to connect with others?
Does this habit make me healthier?
Our brains make connections by laying down neural pathways.
The more we think a thought or do an activity,
The deeper the neural pathway,
The stronger the neural pathway.
Is it any wonder then that when we are stressed,
We reach automatically for something to distract us?
Whether it's social media,
Food,
Alcohol,
Cigarettes isn't really the point.
We are choosing not to feel the discomfort of the present moment and instead seek to soothe ourselves.
To uncouple that stimulus response pattern takes work to which any of us who've tried to lose 10 pounds or quit smoking can attest.
It's counterintuitive to hold on to things that hurt us.
Yet we do.
The negative bias,
Remembering painful events more than pleasant ones,
Is built into our brains to keep us safe.
Rick Hansen,
Author and psychologist,
Says the brain is Velcro for negative experiences,
But Teflon for positive ones.
When someone says something hurtful to us as children,
Such as that we are bad or unlovable,
We tend to look for supporting evidence that this is true.
The confirmation bias,
Which is also hardwired into our brains,
Makes sure we find that evidence.
We then become judge and jury,
Sentencing ourselves to a life as an unlovable or bad person.
The truth of life is that none of us knows where we'll end up.
So when we pack our bags,
We should pack them wisely.
Put in something nourishing for the body,
Heart and mind.
Include a photograph of those family members,
Whether chosen or blood,
Who love and celebrate you just as you are.
You might include a mirror so that every now and again you can see yourself clearly.
Packing comfortable shoes will help you walk with balance regardless of the terrain.
As Seyed Amin said,
Carry the lesson,
Not the luggage.
Oh,
And don't forget your water.
If you enjoyed this talk,
You can find other talks and meditations by Maggie Stevens on Insight Timer.
