You Cannot Have Wisdom Without The Heart

In this dharma talk, we explore how opening our hearts helps us release the stories that form attachments and how these stories narrow our perspective, preventing us from seeing reality. When our hearts are open, we see the complexity of each moment with countless facets. And in that openness, we relax.

Transcript

Last week we had talked about compassion,

When the heart meets pain and suffering,

When we move closer to pain and suffering.

And we talked about Tonglen as a specific practice that brings us towards pain and suffering where we imagine we are taking on the suffering of others and we are sending them back healing white light.

So we're not just moving closer to it,

We are actually taking on suffering which is why I think Tonglen is the heavyweight champion of compassion practices.

And I'd mentioned several times in the class that when the heart is open,

Whether it's through Tonglen or different compassion practice,

Gratitude,

Kindness,

But it's the heart needs to be open for us to get the teachings.

That when the heart is open,

The intellectual teachings,

The wisdom teachings drop in and they become our wisdom.

It's where we get it.

And so I want to continue on from last week's class.

I want to talk a little bit more about showing you like why we get it when the heart is open,

Like what's happening when the heart is open.

And I also want to expand on our Tonglen practice a little bit more.

And we're going to do another Tonglen meditation very,

Very,

Very similar to what we did last week.

Same general practice,

We're going to have a little bit different focal points.

So if we pull back the lens,

You know,

Kind of look deeper into what's happening,

Every time we are looking away from suffering,

When we see someone that's on the streets,

And you know,

Maybe they're homeless or an alcoholic,

They're an addict,

And in our discomfort,

We look away,

We jump over compassion,

We jump over looking at their suffering.

And what we jump into is a story about their suffering,

About why they should make better choices.

And I know people that have pulled themselves up and gotten out of these situations,

And I,

You know,

I pull myself up and get,

You know,

Take care of myself,

Why can't they look after themselves?

Or,

Or why can't the government do it?

And what we're doing is we are,

We are attaching to a viewpoint.

And it seems like the only possible viewpoint,

We end up attaching to a very fixed and binary viewpoint of a very complex and nuanced situation.

But it allows us to then be indifferent,

And look away.

It kind of supports that for us,

Like,

Yes,

You can look away,

It's their responsibility.

Or if we think about if there's a climate change disaster,

Like in New York,

They just had that massive amount of rain,

Like unbelievable amount of rain.

And,

And how much of it is being attributed to climate change.

And our default,

Instead of looking at the people that are suffering,

The people's that,

You know,

The below ground apartments that are flooded,

The people's basements that are flooded,

The damage that's happening,

The suffering that's happening.

Instead of bringing compassion to the suffering,

We leap right over that.

And we go right to outrage,

And blame,

And judging.

Because isn't it all the people that don't believe in climate change?

Isn't it their fault?

Isn't it all the politicians that don't believe in climate change?

Isn't it their fault?

And because we jump right over the suffering,

And the compassion,

And we get so locked into this story,

And kind of having this very simple view of understanding what the problem really is,

We end up getting attached to a false view of reality,

As though reality is very fixed and binary,

As only one thing.

And every time we look away from suffering,

Every time we don't bring compassion,

What we are not seeing is how multifaceted and complex everything is,

How nuanced everything is,

How it's not one thing.

But because we look away,

Instead,

We end up attaching to this false narrative,

This false view of the world,

It's binary,

It's fixed,

It's just one thing.

And then we take that view with us out into the world,

Where we look for simple solutions.

You know,

The healthcare industry,

It's a pill,

It's a vaccine,

This is all you need,

Right?

You're depressed?

Take a pill.

You're obese?

Take a pill.

You got high blood pressure?

Take a pill.

It doesn't matter that we still have depression,

Obesity,

And high blood pressure,

You know,

We all imagine the magic pill is going to fix it.

Or we take something as complex as our economy,

And politicians just stand up there and say,

Oh,

It's just raise taxes.

Oh,

It's just lower taxes.

So it was so simple.

You know,

It wasn't this complex,

Nuanced,

Made up of many parts situation.

And when we look at a war,

Syria,

Yemen,

Ukraine,

We go,

There's a good guy,

And there's a bad guy.

And it's so simple,

As though there's no complexity,

No nuance.

We just want it wrapped up in a little bow,

It's just one thing.

And it's how we look at other people.

Right?

We say,

Oh,

They're a good person.

They're a bad person.

You know,

Oh,

They're a lovely person.

They're a horrible person.

Oh,

They're a Democrat.

Oh,

They're a liberal.

You know,

Oh,

They're a feminist.

Oh,

They're a misogynist.

They're racist.

They're an anti racist.

Right?

We put people we label people as though they are just one thing.

Not seeing how complex and nuanced everyone is.

You know,

The Republican can still believe in equality for all.

You know,

The ruthless executive could love his family melts at his six,

You know,

His daughter's dancing recital.

Right?

We,

You know,

We can be a kind person,

And have a moment where we're short with someone,

Where we're stressed,

Where we're not actually that kind,

And still be a kind person.

But we keep fueling this view that the world is very binary and fixed and just one thing.

And it's getting worse,

Not better.

You know,

We're weaponizing it.

Where we'll find a statement someone made 20 years ago,

And that's racist,

You're canceled.

You know,

Someone tells an off color joke,

You're a misogynist,

You're homophobic,

You're canceled.

We are so quick to label someone with one thing,

And assume that's everything about them,

And dismiss them.

I mean,

Is this really genuinely what we believe?

When someone's having their worst moment,

Their meltdown,

And someone's video recording it,

And it goes out on the internet,

And everyone assumes that person is absolutely what they are seeing in that moment.

That they are this horrible person,

Their worst moment.

I can't imagine how many celebrities must live in fear of some past footage being shown.

You know,

And everyone taking them in that one light,

Because no one is perfect.

We are complex,

We are not one thing.

We are many things.

You know,

We can be intelligent,

And say something really stupid.

We can be competent,

And really screw up.

You know,

We can be mad at our kid,

And still be a good mom.

We are complex,

We are nuanced,

We are multifaceted.

We are not one thing.

Because the reality is,

You know,

We are arising through millions,

And billions,

And trillions of different causes and conditions,

Previous moments,

Everything arising in this moment.

We are made up of a million,

Billion,

Trillion different parts.

So how can we be one thing,

If we are made up of so many different parts?

But that's how we see the world.

Our society very much conditions this,

To see the world in this very narrow and discreet way.

You know,

To pit us against others,

Against other human beings.

Because they have one belief that might be different,

Could believe 99 things we could be in agreement with,

One thing.

Nope,

They're in the other camp.

You have to be against them now.

Or how quickly we go against ourselves.

Because we know,

We all have some pretty unlovable moments.

We all do stuff that we wish,

You know,

We wouldn't want everyone to know about.

Right?

And it's like,

How can I love myself when I have these unlovable parts of me?

But what if it's the unlovable parts that make the lovable parts?

What if they're connected?

Connected.

But we don't see that.

We see this view of separateness,

Of narrowness,

Of just one thing.

You know,

And it keeps us living in this delusion of separateness and suffering.

So when we practice tonglen,

Compassion,

And we imagine taking on the suffering of someone else,

Their fears,

Their worries,

Their doubts,

Their insecurities,

And we're sending them back loving,

Peace,

Light,

Ease,

Spaciousness.

When we're practicing compassion,

We are letting go of the stories that create this binary view,

This fixed absolute view.

We are letting go of our attachments.

And in letting go of our attachments,

We no longer see the world in this binary way.

We see the world as multifaceted,

As complex,

As not one thing.

That we can see in tragedy,

There is suffering,

There's sadness,

There's grief,

There's fear,

There's loss.

And there's compassion and kindness and courage and generosity and there's indifference and there's anger and there's greed.

It's all of it.

You know,

That we can see,

You know,

In tonglen if we're having a situation,

Maybe our dog's sick,

Right?

And we're so afraid of what's happening and we have this binary view,

Oh no,

This is it.

But we practice tonglen and we imagine all the other people that are experiencing the same thing right now.

Their dog is sick,

Their child is sick.

And we imagine taking on their suffering and sending back healing light.

And in that practice of compassion,

We let go of our attachment to the one view,

To the binary,

To the fixed view.

And we start to see,

Ah,

Even in this,

There's more.

There's more than one thing.

Or in someone that is maybe not necessarily an enemy but someone that irritates us,

Right?

Someone that just kind of grates our nerves.

And when we practice tonglen and we imagine taking on their fears,

Their doubts,

Their insecurities,

Because it doesn't matter who you are,

Everybody has them.

And we imagine taking them on and sending back loving kindness,

You know,

Healing light,

Peace,

Spaciousness.

And that one binary view that we had of them as being inherently irritable,

Inherently grating,

We think,

Ah,

You know,

Maybe they love their family.

Maybe they're the one that sorts out all the recycling.

You know,

Maybe they're the one that picks up their six-year-old every day after school.

And we start to see,

Yes,

They're multifaceted as well.

Or in an embarrassing moment,

We've done something,

We're humiliated,

Right?

And we see it in a binary view,

Oh,

I'm such an idiot.

My life is over,

Right?

And we crumble.

But then we remember tonglen and we think,

Ah,

For all the people that just did something humiliating,

That are embarrassed,

I'm going to take on their suffering and send them back healing light.

And we can use those experiences to connect and to remember,

Oh my God,

My practice is here,

Always to help me.

You know,

To increase that sense of openness to ourselves as well,

To be forgiving.

Like,

Yeah,

You screwed up back there.

You know,

You don't do it every moment of every day,

But inevitably,

Like it's going to happen.

We're not perfect.

And so it's compassion that opens us up to reality.

That's what it's doing.

It's helping us see reality.

And it's not,

It's not necessarily in the moment of doing the practice that we have the deep insights.

I mean,

Of course,

We do feel better,

We feel a little looser,

And we do have some insights,

Right?

It does open up our view.

But it's really,

It's the each time we practice,

We are priming our hearts to see to see that it's never one thing.

You know,

Even if after our practice,

You go right back to seeing it,

But you do it again,

And again,

And again,

And you keep getting these little glimpses,

And you get another little glimpse,

And you get another little glimpse.

And then one day,

Some situation arises,

And everyone's freaking out,

And they're angry,

And they're outraged,

And you would have been right there with them.

But you're not,

Because you get it.

You have a bigger view of reality.

And you understand that every event,

Every situation is made up of a million,

Billion,

Trillion different parts.

And you have understanding and empathy,

And compassion,

And you're not attaching to your anger,

You're not attaching to anything.

And you're free.

Doesn't mean that you don't act,

Doesn't mean there's not something to do.

But you're not acting in this binary blaming and anger,

And just seeing a complex situation as one little solution,

Because that's never the solution.

We never fix it when we see it that way.

And we wonder why,

Because we don't see reality.

So it's a continuous priming of the heart,

Not just doing it once a month,

Not just doing it when I bring it on a class.

I do try and balance out our classes pretty,

Trying to do it fairly evenly between compassion and wisdom.

It's not just going and doing a one-week retreat on the heart and then putting it on the shelf for the next three months.

And it's not just Tonglen,

It's other compassion practices,

It's loving-kindness,

It's gratitude,

It's kindness,

Right?

It's all the heart practices.

And it's taking these practices off the mat,

Off the cushion,

Off the chair,

Out into the world,

Where we can be doing them,

Having these little glimpses all day long.

When we're at the grocery store and you know,

Just the person in front of us,

They may not be doing anything that appears that they are frustrated or upset or suffering in any way,

But we know what people carry around,

Right?

They're maybe just flipping through their phone and you can just sit there and just imagine taking on all their fears,

All their doubts,

All their insecurities,

Their worries.

We know they have them.

Even if we don't know what they are,

We know they have them.

And then we imagine just sending back that healing white light.

You know,

Maybe we do it for the cashier,

Right?

And then notice how we move through the line,

You know,

How much more at ease we are seeing this whole complex situation,

Not me as the center of the universe and how is all this affecting me,

But seeing this complexity of how this is all arising and you're a part of it.

And the wonder that comes from that,

Just from standing in line at the grocery store,

When we change the lens and we open our hearts,

We're at the DMV or at the doctor's office,

We're at a traffic light and just thinking of the person there,

We know they have doubts,

We know they have fears,

We know they have insecurities.

Can we imagine taking them on and sending them back healing,

Loving light?

What a beautiful practice every time we're stopped at a traffic light.

And we can do this with our own suffering,

When we're feeling pain,

When we're feeling fear,

We're feeling anxiety,

We've made a fool of ourselves.

Whatever it is that's going on,

We can just,

Instead of focusing on that one,

This is bad,

This is unbearable,

I don't like this,

Instead of getting into that fixed view,

That narrow view of thinking this is inherently how this situation is,

I think all the people that are experiencing anxiety right now,

I'm breathing in their anxiety,

Their fear,

Their worries and sending them back healing,

Light,

Love and it lowers our anxiety and it's not denying that there's anxiety,

We're not pushing it away,

We're acknowledging we're experiencing it and so are millions of people around the world and it reminds us that yeah,

This is one experience of a million that we will feel today,

A million different shades of emotions and we're not alone,

We're all in it together and we keep taking all of those little glimpses and those little glimpses prepare us for those moments when all of a sudden it's just,

Oh my god,

I see it,

I see it.

So it's not just,

You know,

On our spiritual path,

Our practice isn't just one thing,

We don't,

We didn't start this out years ago for some of you that have been coming on this Janice,

You know,

Years ago coming on this where we started and said okay,

Here's how you meditate,

Check in with me later,

See how,

Tell me how you're doing,

Right?

No,

Oh Libby,

Sorry Libby,

You've been on here for years,

Yeah,

You know,

It's like no,

We keep looking at the wisdom teachings,

We keep bringing in compassion practices,

We bring in contemplations,

We're studying as we're going along,

We're doing all these things,

We've brought in prayers,

The Buddhist forgiveness prayer,

It's all of these things,

It's not one thing and if we want to make sure that we're really rounding out our practice properly while we're looking at all of the things that we can be doing that open our heart,

That help us see reality,

We also need to balance that out with looking at the things we are doing that close our hearts.

Technology,

While wonderful,

We're here right now using it wisely,

Using it compassionately,

Like how much time are we spending on social media?

Social media is very divisive,

Very binary,

You know,

If you're in groups on social media or on the internet that are against something,

It's very divisive,

You know,

Be with the group that's for something,

If it's news and you're watching news that's clearly slanted to your already views,

Right,

It's divisive,

It starts pitting us against them,

Not suggesting we don't watch news but be careful,

Be mindful,

Be mindful of how much we're looking at our phone,

Texting,

Email,

How much time we're spending on YouTube or Netflix or the other streaming devices and I'm not suggesting we don't do them,

I'm not suggesting that but that we be thoughtful of some of the things that we're taking in because we're not just taking it in here,

What's it doing here?

Is it just creating more outrage and anger?

Is it really news?

Do I really need to know this to become more outraged or can I just,

Can I know what's going on without the outrage?

I actually saw a video of someone that was in New York,

It was kind of an independent just YouTuber guy,

Like a 20-minute video of what was going on in New York this weekend with all the rain and probably five minutes was in this neighborhood,

I think it was on Long Island where it was just showing these guys and they were such Long Island guys like big beefy guys and all they were doing they were helping people get their cars unstuck they're like oh we're on number car eight now and he's just showing the whole thing and someone else pulls up because it would just get deeper like he kept trying to stop people and they kept coming,

Their cars would stop and it was just okay next one like they just they were happy they were you know just out there just helping one after the other and it was a good way to get like it was awful what's happening there but to see in that tragedy you know what they were able to do with it you know it was so beautiful it was so beautiful just to see their kindness their compassion so you know let's let's remember nothing is one thing we don't want to compartmentalize in any way you know if we want to get it if you really want the freedom the peace the love the connection right you know be honest with yourself just about where you're spending your time you know again I'm not saying that we don't ever do any of these other things but the the mind state that you come to them in is very important John knows this not early in the morning we don't go to email early in the morning you know we don't look at text early we don't look at the news in the morning right you know don't set yourself up you know on the day on the day you know in a in a kind of agitated state you know set yourself up in a good way and then later you know you can check your email you can check your text of course we all do so but again how we come to it in what order we come to it in our day you know whether we're coming to it looking for something grasping at something but if we already feel whole and we feel good then it's just okay I need to check my email I need to check my text I need to you know respond okay all right no problem you know and so we keep our hearts open because that's what we want to do we have to keep our hearts open if we want to get it I think we want to get it I think that's why we're here it's much better when you get it much better so we're going to do a tonglen meditation probably a little shortened just given the time um whereas last week we did the meditation we're still going to do the same thing and so I know John you weren't here last week and Robin you weren't here uh oh no Lisa and Joanna but maybe you guys saw the recordings some of you okay um but I'll also guide us through so it's okay John I'll guide us through but you know last week we did um you know imagining someone a friend family member that was going through something difficult uh I think we did health challenge to start something like that and and then we started broadening it out to everyone in the world and taking on their suffering and sending out the healing white light and this time we're going to do it um we're going to imagine a friend at first can be going through any kind of challenge or suffering and I'll guide us in the meditation as to what that might be then we're going to do a neutral person someone that's not a friend but they're not an enemy someone at your store that you see all the time someone at uh the gas station at the the um your dry cleaner someone that you see fairly regularly but you don't you may know their name but you know you wouldn't invite them over for dinner or something um and then we're going to go on to what's traditionally called the enemy and we'll just say again just someone who's a little challenging someone who just grates us a little bit because again we want to see the person that we paint in this very narrow view that is inherently annoying actually has a lot of good qualities as well doesn't mean we need to go and spend time with them but we also don't want to close our hearts to them either and that's what we're trying to do no matter who it is we want to keep opening our hearts so that will be our practice so if you want to make some adjustments in your seat just make sure you're comfortable you have been sitting for 30 minutes so just make sure you're comfortable close your eyes and we'll start by breathing in and out of our heart centers so that area in the center of your chest just below your breastbone you can imagine your heart center expanding as you inhale relaxing on the exhale and then i want you to start visualizing that you are breathing smoke into your heart doesn't have to be super heavy dark but just a slightly gray colored smoke and transforming that smoke in your heart center and then exhaling out brilliant white light so we're not imagining anyone at the other end right now just getting used to the visualization of bringing in the smoke and breathing out the white light and now imagining in front of you a friend a friend that's going through a challenge could be a challenge with their health they're going through a breakup they've lost their job maybe they've lost someone they love and then imagine that you are breathing in their suffering in the form of this smoke into your heart center and sending back healing white light breathing in all their pain their fear and sending back peace and love breathing in their worries sending back spaciousness and ease and if your mind wanders just gently bring it back begin again and you can maybe imagine their face as you send back that healing light they're looking more relaxed and at ease and then letting this person fade away and bringing to mind a neutral person someone that you see somewhat regularly but you don't really consider them a friend you don't really have an opinion one way or another they're just someone you see somewhat regularly and then imagine breathing in all their fears all their worries and sending back sending back beautiful radiant white light breathing in their doubts their insecurities and sending back healing peaceful beautiful light breathing in their regrets and sending back spaciousness and now letting this person fade away and now bringing to mind someone you would consider not really a friend someone that irritates you or gets under your skin and imagine breathing in all of their fears all of their doubts and sending them back peace and love breathing in all their insecurities and sending them back the spaciousness of the white light breathing in all their regrets and sending them back peaceful loving energy and now letting them fade away and resting your attention at your heart center feeling the openness and the spaciousness of your heart and as we slowly come out of the meditation with a big inhale take your arms up over your head with a big stretch at the top and as you exhale gently lower your arms and slowly open your eyes and by the way at the end of our meditation is also an opportunity if you haven't done a tonglen meditation maybe you were doing mantra or vipassana or some concentration meditation um you know bring your hands to your heart and just think for a moment of some of the people in your life that are that you want to hold more closely some of those that you want to hold further apart so bring them in just thinking for a moment just sending them some light some love it's a good practice to do to really break down that binary view that we see of the world and kind of seeing everyone and everything in this kind of simple you know one little discrete quality that distorts our view of reality and in so many aspects we don't even realize how we're doing it in so many ways so you know tonglen as you guys know i love this practice it is it is a beautiful beautiful practice all of the heart opening practices definitely they are priming us to see reality but compassion has a different tone in that we are coming to pain and suffering so definitely this if you want to if you want to really see reality more quickly do tonglen like this is the practice that will really um break down the attachments help you let go of the attachments that binary view of the world that stop us from seeing reality get those glimpses those little glimpses practice throughout the day the grocery store and the traffic lights anything you're going through that you're experiencing a little bit of suffering like we have gratitude oh gratitude this is amazing right okay you know and it's great we kind of share it oh this is great but when you're feeling something you're a little disappointed you're you're tired you're you know whatever it is use that as a moment just 20 seconds of tonglen for all the people that are exhausted right now i take on your exhaustion too and i send you back healing light and for all of you that don't have the time for a nap i will do it for us now i will take the nap so we can all relax you know and it really brings us into that kind of flow of remembering you know we're all in this together and to see the myriad of not just who everyone else is and how the world is made up of all these parts but the myriad of who we are and how we are made up of all these different parts and and not to get fixated on one quality good or bad um accepting it all right okay so thank you all so good to see you guys good to see you

Reviews

Thank you, Meredith, I appreciate this talk and practice. Sending good wishes. 🌻