You Are Exactly Where You Should Be

Knowing you are exactly where you should be is fundamental to your spiritual practice. In this dharma talk, we explore some of the pitfalls of thinking we are further along the path than we are. And how to trust the process of enlightenment rather than focusing on it as an end goal.

Transcript

So one of the the challenges that we have on the spiritual path often is that we think we're further along than we really are and it doesn't really matter how long we've been practicing for.

It can be three weeks,

It could be three months,

Three years.

We always seem to get a little bit ahead of ourselves seeming to think that we are a little bit further along the path than we really are and we can see how this happens when we're coming to the teachings,

Maybe you're reading a spiritual book,

You're meditating,

You're being more mindful and some of the teachings are starting to make sense intellectually and and you're experiencing some pleasant conditions at that moment.

Some temporary pleasant conditions,

Everyone's being nice,

Everything's working and we can kind of get ourselves lulled into this false sense of thinking,

Wow,

Like I really got this,

Like I'm not going to suffer anymore,

Like I am so at peace,

I'm so easygoing,

I'm so flowing,

Like everything's so good.

But because it's not really based on wisdom,

It's just based on these temporary,

Temporary pleasant conditions,

What happens is when those conditions change,

As they inevitably will,

We kind of get left realizing like,

Oh my god,

I'm angry again,

I'm disappointed again,

I'm irritated again,

Like what happened,

I was so realized before,

Like this doesn't make any sense why I'm even feeling like this,

This is crazy.

And so we have this kind of panic when our practice seemingly goes backwards,

We feel like we're going backwards and we can kind of get lulled into this false sense for a couple of reasons.

One,

Where in the beginning when we hear these teachings and we hear about this state of of enlightenment,

Of nirvana,

Of being very peaceful,

Of not being bothered by things,

Of going with the flow,

Being very easy going and it sounds so good and we think to ourselves like,

I want that,

Like that sounds really good.

And in the wanting it,

We kind of take our old mindset of turning it into something,

That it's something to get,

Something to achieve,

Something to be.

And so we turn it into a thing and we turn it into an image in our mind of me being enlightened.

And as we talked about last week,

Any image that we have of ourselves is fleeting,

They're just constantly all day long we're having different images of ourselves,

Different little thought bubbles of a little image of me,

9 a.

M I'm so realized,

I'm so peaceful,

I'm so at ease,

By 9 15 we're pissed off,

We're so angry,

Like it changes so quickly.

But because we make this into an image of me enlightened,

We have so much more to fall,

We have so much further to fall.

And so the disappointment is greater,

The irritation is greater,

The disappointment in ourselves is so much greater because we thought we were so realized a few minutes ago.

And so the suffering is greater.

And while we do need to have a certain amount of desire to be on the path of course right,

To become on dharma talks,

To meditate,

To be mindful,

We also have to be really careful of not making an image out of this.

Because as we discussed several weeks back in class,

We're not trying to become something,

Something other than what we are.

All we are simply trying to do is pull back the veil to see who we really are,

To really just know our true nature.

So any time that we are making an image out of this,

Even an image of me enlightened,

It's really just the ego.

It's just the ego having its idea of what it thinks enlightenment is.

Because whatever you think enlightenment is,

That's not it.

We use words,

We use language,

We use metaphors to describe it but none of it adequately describes it.

And so we have to be really careful of not making an image out of it,

Being on the path but not making an image,

Not making it a destination,

That there's some achievement at the end of this.

If I work really,

Really hard that 10 years from now I'll get the blue ribbon,

That's not the path,

That's not the practice.

And then the second challenge that we have where we get lulled into this false sense of I'm further along than I think I am,

Is that we underestimate how deeply rooted our thought habits and worries and fears and desires really are.

And of course we've been walking around our whole lives with a false view of reality,

With a false view of who we are.

And everyone around us is walking around with this same false view,

Seeing ourselves as these small,

Limited,

Finite little beings.

Instead of seeing ourselves as impermanent,

As interconnected,

As interdependent,

Arising based on millions and billions and trillions of different causes and conditions,

And changing moment by moment by moment.

So we've had this false view for a long,

Long time.

We're separate,

We're independent,

We're finite.

And it's really,

It takes time to uproot that view.

And I think we need to be,

We need to appreciate that,

That it does take time.

And being on a gradual path,

And that's what this is,

A gradual path.

I mean,

If we,

I think we'd all like the conditions of the sudden awakening,

But those don't appear to be our conditions.

We are on the gradual path.

These are the conditions we have.

And so if we're on the gradual path,

We do need to understand how the gradual path of awakening happens to be clear about it.

So I'm going to take from Portia Nelson's book,

There's a Hole in My Sidewalk.

Some of you know this,

I've said,

I've told this story before,

Autobiography of five chapters.

So the autobiography explaining the gradual path of awakening.

So chapter one,

I walk out,

I walk out my front door,

And I turn right,

And I see there's a hole in the sidewalk.

I'm going to start that over.

I walk down the street,

There's a hole in the sidewalk,

I don't see it.

And I fall in the hole.

And I'm really angry that I'm in the hole.

And I'm blaming everyone for being in the hole.

And it takes me a really long time to get out.

Chapter two,

I walk down the street,

There's a big hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it,

But I still fall in.

And I cannot believe I am in the same hole I was in yesterday.

But it doesn't take me quite as long to get out.

Chapter three,

I walk down the street,

There's a big hole in the sidewalk.

I see the hole,

And I still go in.

But I know why I'm in the hole.

I know it's my fault.

And it doesn't take me very long to get out.

Chapter four,

I walk down the street,

There's a big hole in the sidewalk.

I see it,

And I walk around it.

Chapter five,

I walk down a different street.

So this is the path,

Right?

The first three chapters,

We spend a lot of time in the hole.

And in chapter one,

This is what we were all experiencing before we came to the Dharma,

Before we started following a spiritual path.

We fall in the hole,

We don't see the hole,

We spend ages in there,

We blame everyone for being in there.

And we get out,

But only to fall back in again.

And just repeat,

Repeat,

Repeat,

Repeat.

And then we start coming to Dharma talks,

Coming to spirituality,

Understanding our mind,

Our habits,

The ego,

The nature of reality.

And we still fall in,

Right?

We still fall in.

And sometimes we get out a little bit faster than others.

Sometimes it takes us a long time.

And sometimes we fall in,

And we get out pretty quickly.

But it's in the hole.

This is where we are doing the work,

Where we are absorbing the teachings.

Because while we all hear the teachings,

Or you're reading a spiritual book,

And it may,

Of course,

It makes such perfect sense,

Because it is reality.

And we can see how wrong we were and go,

Oh,

My God,

This all makes perfect sense.

I understand it exactly.

But the problem is that once we leave the Dharma talk,

Or we put the book down,

We're left with our little thoughts again.

No,

I think I really would be happier if I had that person out of my life.

No,

I think if this one thing changed in my career,

I really would be happier,

Right?

Or we start in some way pushing back or just getting lost in our thoughts again.

And so it's in the hole is where we are there by ourselves,

Where we're doing the work,

Where we are taking the teachings from an intellectual understanding,

Down into a place of knowing,

Where we are seeing for ourself,

How this is all happening,

And freeing ourselves.

Until eventually,

We get out of the hole more and more quickly,

We keep getting out.

Because it's not that the spiritual path means we're in the hole more,

You're going to be in the hole regardless,

Right?

It's just,

Are you going to spend less time in the hole and eventually walk around the hole,

Walk down a different street,

Maybe every now and then still fall in the hole again,

But very,

Very seldom.

So this is a path that teaches us how to get out of the hole,

To take the time that we're in the hole and transform ourselves to become wiser and more compassionate and kinder.

And that is how we become wiser and more compassionate and kinder in the hole.

Not when everyone's being nice to us,

Not when everything's working,

When everything's on time,

Right?

It's easy to be peaceful then,

Anyone can be peaceful then.

It's can you be peaceful when things aren't working,

When people aren't being nice to you,

When you have the difficult friend,

The difficult neighbor,

Right?

That's the challenge,

It's the friction.

Like if we think of a wooden statue,

A beautiful wooden statue that's so smooth,

Right?

Carved and so smooth,

You could just put it against your skin,

It's so soft.

You know it wasn't like that originally,

It was a rough piece of wood and someone had to chip away at it and use sandpaper and smooth it out,

Right?

It's the friction that made it smoother,

It's the friction that we take that makes us wiser and more compassionate.

And so on the gradual path,

I think there are two important factors that we really need to be clear about,

To understand.

And one is trusting the process,

When we're in the hole,

Trusting the process.

And two,

Trusting that we are exactly where we should be,

Exactly where we should be.

There's always something to learn in any situation.

If you're in the hole,

That's exactly where you should be,

Right?

And as you're in the hole,

Like this is where you are doing the work,

Right?

And the moment that you recognize I'm in the hole and accept being in the hole,

This is part of the challenge,

We don't accept being in the hole,

We're in the hole resisting it.

Because I was so much further along,

I shouldn't have to keep going over this,

Right?

It's like no,

Apparently you do have to keep going over it.

So you're in the hole,

You say this is exactly where I should be.

Okay,

I'm accepting it.

This is where your old habits are playing out.

Now you can start looking and seeing what's happening,

Right?

This is where you take it from that theoretical into experiential.

This is where the wisdom is born.

I mean,

How else do these old habits fall away?

Not by everyone being nice to us.

We need to go in the hole but with more self-awareness to apply the teachings when we're in there.

But mostly we have to accept,

I'm in the hole.

Okay,

This is where I should be.

And this is the process in the hole.

This is the process.

And every time that we say to ourselves,

I'm exactly where I should be.

Whether you're stuck in traffic,

You're irritated with your partner,

The internet's down,

You're in a long line somewhere,

You're on hold with customer service,

Something's going,

You know,

Not as well in your career,

You feel like there's a setback,

You're looking for a romantic partner,

It's not where you want it to be,

No matter where you are,

That is exactly where you should be.

And as soon as you say that to yourself,

There's something to learn here,

There's something greater.

I'm so focused on this external,

Trying to get something or push something out of the way.

I wasn't seeing what the lesson was here.

What the greater lesson was here,

To see reality,

To see my mind playing out in these habits.

But we have to acknowledge,

I'm exactly where I should be.

And as soon as we utter those words,

We can start the process.

But until we accept where we are,

We will never start the process,

We'll just keep fighting back on it.

I shouldn't be experiencing this,

They shouldn't be in my way,

This traffic shouldn't be happening.

We won't get the lessons,

This is where the lessons happen.

Right?

All the if only's,

They all go out the door.

You're where you're exactly where you should be.

So there's a story about a stonecutter.

And the stonecutter is very envious of this really wealthy merchant in town,

Incredibly powerful merchant.

Everyone respects the merchant,

Everyone bows down to him.

And one day he's just looking at the merchant,

He's thinking,

Man,

I would just give anything to be as powerful,

To be that merchant.

And then miraculously,

Poof,

He becomes the wealthy merchant.

It's like,

Oh my God,

This is great.

Everyone is just asking me what I want,

They're doing what I say,

I feel so powerful.

I'm walking around the village,

Everyone respects me.

And then one day he's looking up at the sun.

And he's like,

Wow,

That sun provides warmth for everyone on the planet.

And the sun to grow the plants and the trees and the food that we need.

That sun is the most powerful thing.

I wish I were the sun.

Poof,

He's the sun.

And he's up there,

Rays shining down on everyone,

He's feeling so powerful.

And then one day some clouds come across and block the sun's rays from going down on earth.

And the sun thinks,

Oh no,

The clouds are more powerful than me.

And look,

They're having all this rain come down and everyone's dancing and doing rain dances.

And they're so grateful for the rain because I forgot they needed rain too.

I wish I were the clouds.

They seem to be the most powerful.

Poof,

He becomes the cloud.

And then as the clouds,

All the rain is pouring down,

He's feeling very powerful.

And then all of a sudden,

This wind starts pushing him along a little faster.

He's like,

No,

No,

No,

I wasn't ready to go yet.

And he realizes like,

Oh my God,

The wind is more powerful than me.

I wish I were the wind.

Poof,

He becomes the wind.

And then as the wind,

He's blowing all the clouds around and he's blowing the sand around and the trees are blowing the leaves and he feels so powerful.

Until he comes up against this big giant rock,

This boulder,

And he can't move it.

He goes,

Oh my God,

This rock is more powerful than me,

The wind.

I wish I was the rock.

He becomes the rock.

And he's sitting there as the rock feeling so sturdy,

So powerful,

Nothing can move me now.

And then after a while,

He feels the chisel of a stone cutter and he hears the hammer and he realizes the stone cutter has the power to shape me into anything it wants to shape me into.

It's more powerful than me.

I wish I was the stone cutter.

Right back to where he started.

And this is what we do.

We constantly thinking,

I wish I was over there.

I wish I was somewhere else.

I wish I was further along the path,

Right?

Only to realize where we get back to,

To realize where you are is exactly where you should be.

There is nowhere else you could possibly be and where you are is the lesson.

And for us to appreciate as well,

The really good conditions that we have for our practice.

We talked about this a few weeks ago in class,

But it's worthy of saying again,

Like for most of us here,

All of us here on this call,

We live in relative peace.

There's no war,

Not on our doorstep,

Right?

We have the inclination to come on Dharma talks.

Not everyone does.

A very small percentage of the world actually really practices this stuff,

That you have the inclination for this,

That you have the time to come on a talk like this,

That you live in a country where you're not in fear for practicing meditation.

So we have these really,

Really good conditions right now,

Right here,

But we keep wasting our time,

You know,

Imagining we could be somewhere else or just even imagining that we are further along the path.

And so we do need to keep remembering wherever we are is exactly where we should be.

If we're in the hole,

We're in the hole.

Be in the hole,

Accept being in the hole,

There's a lesson there for you.

Every time you accept that you're in the hole,

You will get out of the hole more quickly.

And then the next time you find yourself in the hole,

You're a little bit wiser,

A little bit more compassionate,

And you'll get out a little bit more quickly because you'll accept again,

I'm in the hole,

Okay,

I'm stuck in line,

This is exactly where I should be.

This is exactly where I should be.

The flight's delayed.

This is exactly where I should be.

And you just that loosening that relaxation that happens from not fighting where we are,

Right,

Not imagining this shouldn't be happening,

Not imagining I'm further along,

I shouldn't have to keep going through this.

So taking that out of the equation,

If we're in the hole,

We're in the hole,

Be in the hole,

Accept being in the hole.

Bring awareness to what's going on,

See what's happening.

This is the path.

And then eventually you spend less and less time in the hole.

But even if you get to chapters four and five,

Or when you get to chapters four and five,

Where you're walking around the hole,

And then you're walking around on a different street entirely,

Never for one moment think you can't end up back in the hole.

Always think it could happen,

It could happen,

So that when it does happen,

Oh,

I thought this could happen.

I'm in the hole.

I guess I have something else to learn here.

I guess there's something else to learn.

Great,

Something that's going to teach me to be wiser,

More compassionate,

To be a kinder person.

And I'm in the hole,

Accepting being in the hole,

And that's how I'll get out of the hole.

That's the process.

It happens in the hole.

So appreciate,

Know that where you are is exactly where you should be,

Exactly where you should be.

There's nowhere else you could possibly be.

You're exactly where you should be.

And every challenge is an opportunity to become wiser,

To become more compassionate,

To take the teachings that we hear and sound so good,

And then we apply them in those situations.

That's how the old thought habits and patterns fall apart.

And that's how we stop making images out of this as well,

Because we understand this is an ongoing process,

A constant process,

Right?

And anytime I think I'm further along,

If I make an image out of it,

I'm just creating more suffering,

Just creating more suffering.

You're exactly where you should be.

Reviews

So much wisdom and reminders. You really captured my current challenges. I had a serious fall on ice last week- 4 broken ribs. And even that is an opportunity to build my l compassion and appreciation for the hardships others also face in silence. Thank you!!

That’s what I needed to know. Thank you 🙏🏻

🙏🏻🌟🙏🏻✨️🙏🏻🌟🙏🏻

She’s spot on! Accept the fact that we are where we are. Just accept it

I love this. I'm inspired to seek out more Dharma talks. Thank you.

This appeared on my list in such a timely way 🙏 I appreciate the reminders.

I call it “innerstanding” when we move out of the mind and begin to integrate the lessons into our hearts and way of moving throughout the world.

I love this one!! I appreciate you helping me in my spiritual journey

I always enjoy your talks. I was listening to one of Anthony DeMello‘s old talks on YouTube and one of the questions he was asked was, are you in lightened? I’ll never forget his answer. His answer was how would I know lol