Why Don't We Talk About Death?

In the West, we rarely talk about death, as though it's never going to happen or somehow we can prevent it from happening if we don't ever discuss it. So when death does come into our lives we're shocked, and we're left unprepared with how to cope with it.

Transcript

Oh,

Why don't we talk about death?

We don't want to live in reality.

I don't think we want to live in reality in the West.

I think if we talked about reality,

If we talked about death,

We would be talking about our impermanence.

And it really doesn't go with our whole model with the way that we see the world through the superego.

We don't see the supersized ego,

Right?

Because if you think about how much of our grasping is that anti-aging,

How to live longer,

Right?

We're always trying to push back on death.

So I don't think it really goes with our model of the way we see the world.

And so we just try and pretend it doesn't happen.

And when it does happen,

We're so shocked.

We're so utterly shocked.

It wasn't supposed to happen.

I wasn't supposed to die.

They weren't supposed to die.

And that's the reality of life.

It's actually a Buddhist practice that we do often is meditating on our own death.

Today I could die.

Yeah,

This could be it,

Right?

To think about that more often,

Not in a morose way.

It's not morbid to think about our own death.

It actually helps you to appreciate more the life that you have because you're like,

I don't know if I'm going to be here tomorrow.

I mean,

No,

At one point that's going to be true.

At one point that statement is going to be true.

I don't know if I'll be here tomorrow.

And yeah,

No,

And he would put a big ding,

Big ding in the consumer culture.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's a really wonderful practice to meditate on our death.

Yeah.

And I think Mari,

Like,

Actually,

That's a good point.

And I will go back.

I know there's some other questions,

And Thomas,

I'll come back.

But I think the anger that we experience is because of the way,

Like,

When we talk about the stages of grief,

I don't know that all of those stages are necessary.

I think the way that we view,

Like,

To be angry at someone that's passed,

And we know that is part of the process,

Right,

That people talk about there,

The stages of grief,

The anger,

The not accepting it,

Right?

I can't remember all of them.

But when you live in reality,

When you understand that everyone I love is going to die,

Including me,

There's no anger.

There's no anger for someone leaving us.

Anger,

The only one that gets angry is the ego.

The ego gets angry.

Because the ego doesn't see reality.

But yeah,

So I think that the stages that we go through in the West,

Anger being part of it,

Anger being part of it.

And it's interesting how much we accept that,

Probably because,

Of course,

This is what people are going through.

So you do want to address what people are going through.

And so no judgment,

By the way,

For any of us being angry over passing someone passing.

No judgment whatsoever,

Because we're all just the result of our causes and conditions.

But I just think,

And I'm so glad you brought that up,

Mari,

Because I think that is,

Again,

Just a reflection of how we don't see reality,

The fact that we are just so shocked when someone dies,

That we could be angry.

I know when it first hit me on this,

It was with one of my dogs,

When Buddy died,

It was maybe eight years ago,

Eight or nine years ago.

And for the first time,

I mean,

Mind you,

I was so sad,

And I was crying,

And I was so upset.

But for the first time,

I didn't say,

Why did this have to happen?

I'll never find another dog like him.

For the first time,

I didn't say those words.

I just stayed with the grief of losing Buddy,

Because I loved that dog,

As I love all of my dogs.

And it's always devastating when you lose someone that you love.

But I absolutely noticed that difference,

That I was not pushing back on it happening,

That it wasn't happening,

That at that time,

There was an accepting,

Of course,

He was going to die.

As everything,

Every one that we love,

If they don't die first,

Then we die.

Everyone is here for such a short time,

Such a short time.

We so take it for granted.

We think of everything as so solid,

So permanent,

So real.

And so we take things for granted all the time.

But when we recognize that whoever you're with,

If you love someone,

It could just be a good friend,

Tell them now,

Because you don't know if there's going to be another time to say this.

I think our conversations would be more meaningful with friends and family,

When we understand this could be the last time.

I mean,

We don't every single time think about it,

But just every now and then remembering,

Like,

This is a special moment.

This is a special moment.

And I don't know if I'll have another moment like this with this person,

Because it's all just changing and permanent,

All just changing.

And everyone is eventually going to pass,

Including us,

Including us.

And our anger,

Our resistance to people dying is just such a direct reflection of our,

Of the warped way in which we see the world and ourselves.

And that we can spend so much money and time trying to prolong our lives,

Trying to be more youthful,

But not even living the lives that we have.

Not even living the lives that we have,

But desperately grasping at it,

Trying to cling towards,

Cling to it.

It's going to end at some point.

It's going to end at some point.

Could be today,

May not be here next week.

That's okay.

Whatever is born dies.

Whatever is born dies.

That's not meant to be morose.

It's meant for us to appreciate what's here right now,

To stop taking everything for granted as though it's always going to be here.

Reviews

Short, to the point, and a great reminder to be grateful for every day. Thanks, Meredith 🙏🏼

🙏🏾 2025.

There needs to be more open talks like this about death. People do live for anti-aging & often won’t even say the words “die” or “death”, but instead they say “passed away” or other substitute words. Thank you.

Thanks for talking about death. Since my husband passed away 18 months ago, I have listened to many talks here on Insight Timer about death. I wish I had listened to them sooner. But like you said, I was unable to accept the reality that we all have an expiration date. In his 7 1/2 years of illness, I spiritually bypassed with hope. What’s interesting is I’ve learned more about love, life, death, myself, my deep soul connection with my husband, and more in the 18 months since he died… Then my previous 67 years on the planet. I look at that as a win. 🥰

Death is an important topic for everybody. Not just meditators that got good education. I remember seeing my father dead in bed. He was 63. Had good life. All the pains that he had for months left the body. He had a very reliefed face with tiny smile. I guess if i was already study buddhism i could take his death differently. Thank you Meredith for this talk 🙏🏾🪷