When Emptiness Stops Being A Philosophy

In this Dharma talk, we explore how emptiness moves from philosophy into lived experience. Through mindfulness, self-inquiry, and staying present with discomfort, we begin to notice that while fear, blame, awkwardness, and anxiety all appear, there’s no solid “someone” behind them.

Through mindfulness and direct inquiry, we question the thoughts that whisper, “I had it,” “I lost it,” or “I need to get it back.” As we shine gentle attention on these assumptions, the “me” behind them begins to dissolve. What remains is the ordinary, open presence that was here the whole time.

Awakening isn’t something we achieve. It’s what’s revealed whenever we see through the one who thinks it needs to awaken.

Transcript

So we're going to start with a Zen story today,

Where a young Zen monk has been sitting on the edge of a cliff meditating for months.

He's trying to realize the nature of reality,

To realize what is really going on,

To understand what's really happening.

So after a few months of this,

His master comes out to check on him,

To kind of find out his progress,

What's he discovered.

So he goes up to the monk,

He asks him,

What have you seen?

What is it that you know?

You've been sitting out here all this time.

So the young Zen monk looks up at the master very proudly.

And he says that,

I have seen that everything is empty of inherent existence,

That there is no independent solid self,

Just conditions arising and changing moment by moment,

Empty of inherent existence.

The master thinks about it for a moment,

And then he pushes the young monk off the cliff.

And the young monk is screaming and flailing,

And he grabs onto this branch that's sticking out of the side of the cliff.

And he's yelling and he's pleading to the master,

He's like,

Help me,

Help me,

I don't want to die.

And the master says to him,

I thought you just said everything was empty of inherent existence.

I thought you just said there was no self.

With that,

The young monk got it.

And he let go of the branch.

And he only fell a couple of feet into a soft bed of leaves,

Because in fact,

The cliff was only a few feet high off the ground.

So,

It is easy to say that everything is empty,

That there is no independent solid self.

But the moment we feel that our identity,

Our self is being threatened,

We start clinging again to the separate self.

And so,

What the master was trying to teach the young monk is that there is a world of difference between intellectually understanding the teachings,

Conceptually understanding the teachings,

And really knowing them to be true in our heart.

So,

The teachings of emptiness,

The teachings of no self,

Are not meant to be philosophical ideas that we just talk about.

They're meant to help us.

They're meant to help us see the nature of reality,

So that we are freed from so much of the self-created suffering that arises simply because we have misperceived the way things are,

That we've misperceived the way we are.

And so,

Emptiness is not saying that there is nothing here.

It's saying that nothing exists independently.

Nothing exists on its own.

That it's simply the universe that we live in is trillions of causes and conditions coming together,

Arranging in a particular way,

And giving the appearance of something.

But as these conditions keep changing moment by moment by moment,

Eventually that appearance going away.

But nothing solid and independent behind that appearance,

Not a thing behind that appearance.

So,

If we think of this with a tree,

Right?

A tree appears to us something very solid.

It appears very independent.

It appears as if it's existing on its own.

But if we look more deeply,

We can see that the tree is the result of trillions of conditions,

Of a seed,

All the conditions that led up to the seed,

The seed being in the soil,

The right type of soil,

The worms and the bacteria that were needed in the soil,

The rain and the sunshine.

And that through these conditions,

What starts sprouting out of the soil is a seedling,

What we might call for a short time,

The appearance of a seedling.

And then as these conditions keep changing,

Then at some point we see the appearance of a tree.

And as those conditions keep changing and changing,

The tree becoming bigger and bigger and then eventually starting to get older and older and older.

And maybe some pests come along and start to weaken the tree.

And then a wind comes along and it knocks the tree over.

And then all of a sudden we say it's a log.

And the log keeps decomposing until eventually the log now turns into soil.

So all the way along here,

We had a seedling,

We had a tree,

We had a log,

Back into soil,

Even just soil,

The appearance of things because conditions are just changing and changing and changing and giving the appearance of something the way everything's rearranging itself.

But nothing solid and independent behind it.

The tree appears because of causes and conditions.

It doesn't inherently exist.

It's just the pattern,

The way that the conditions have been arising in a pattern for a certain amount of time.

And this is the way it is for everything in the universe.

Nothing exists on its own.

It's just trillions of conditions rearranging and just changing moment by moment by moment.

Arranging with the appearance of a mountain,

Arranging with the appearance of a volcano,

Arranging with the appearance of a lake,

Of a valley,

Of a building,

Of a car,

Of a bike,

Of an insect,

Of a bird,

Of an animal.

Because that's what all of life is on this planet,

On Mother Earth.

It's all just activity of just different conditions arising and changing and changing and changing and changing,

Giving appearances.

But there is nothing,

No thing behind the appearance.

And this is the same as it is for us,

Right?

That we are arising through trillions of conditions.

I mean,

Not just starting with our parents,

But their parents before and their parents before and their parents before,

All leading up to us being born and all of the conditions that we've had and to be the people that we are today.

But constantly changing.

I mean,

We're changing moment by moment.

Our thoughts,

Our feelings and emotions constantly changing.

You know,

Our energy,

Our biology,

Our biome,

Our microbiome,

We are more bacterial cells than we are human cells.

And so constantly changing based on what we were eating and then what,

You know,

The bacteria is making,

You know,

What neurotransmitters it's making,

How we're depending,

Which makes it dependent upon how we're feeling,

Right?

And so just constantly we're changing our internal and our external conditions,

Constantly changing and shifting moment by moment by moment that we are never the same person from moment to moment.

We are constantly changing.

And if we look back at old photographs of ourselves,

If we see ourselves when we were a baby,

When we were five years old,

When we were 10 years old,

30 years old,

40 years old,

50 years old,

Like we see all the changes when we look at it that way.

We're like,

Wow.

I mean,

Even we look at the photos of us when we're so young,

When we're a baby,

When we're five years old,

And we just think,

Wow,

Is that me?

Right?

But we can see very clearly we have always been changing.

And all of our preferences that we tend to take of as such a meanness,

Right,

Such a solidity of something so permanent and fixed,

We can also see just in those photos how things have been changing over the years,

Right?

The things that we like to eat and drink when we were five years old versus 15 years old versus 30 years old versus 60 years old,

Constantly changing our preferences,

Constantly changing.

You know,

The types of things that we like to do,

The activities,

The people we want to hang out with,

How late we want to stay out at night,

Constantly changing throughout our whole lives.

Right?

And even just we look at different things,

Like we look at the haircuts that we had,

And we look at the perm that we had,

And we think,

Oh,

What was I thinking then?

But that was the conditions at that time in the 80s I'm talking about,

Right?

Where we thought we looked super cool,

But we look back now,

New conditions,

And we're thinking,

What was I thinking?

Why did I have that haircut?

Why was I dressing like that?

Because it was the conditions and everyone was doing it.

So this personality that we take to be who we are,

That we think that it's so solid and so independent,

And while we do have,

Of course,

We do each have a unique personality,

Right,

Based on trillions of causes and conditions,

It's not fixed.

It's always changing,

Right?

And while it's changing often very subtly,

We do know when we see someone that's had a head injury,

How quickly that personality can change,

How suddenly because of a new condition.

And so our personality that we do take to be so me,

We see is,

In fact,

Just always changing based on conditions,

Just conditions coming together,

Giving the appearance of a personality,

But nothing solid,

Nothing independent behind it.

And just the countless roles that we play throughout our lives,

Throughout our days,

Right,

That these identities that we take on as the daughter,

As the mom,

As the sister,

As the teacher,

As the student,

As the executive,

As the receptionist,

As the nurse,

As the contractor,

That we take on all these roles throughout our lives that also appear to be this fixed identity here.

But in fact,

Again,

Just conditions coming together,

Just conditions coming together and changing.

If it's the role of the executive,

Right,

All the conditions that were leading up to that,

And then you walk in,

In the office in the morning,

And there you are playing the role of the executive,

And there's the receptionist,

And the secretary,

And the junior executives,

And everyone's kind of,

You know,

Backing up their own roles and confirming everyone else's roles.

And these are the roles that we play throughout the day.

But then at the end of the day,

When you're leaving,

We see that it was just those conditions all coming together,

There was no executive there.

And then maybe you find yourself out in the,

You know,

In a shop at the supermarket,

And you see someone that needs some help,

And you rush over to help them.

And someone could look at that and say,

Oh,

Look at the kind stranger,

I get another role that we think we can take on.

Oh,

I was the kind stranger.

But it was just conditions coming together,

Just conditions,

Right,

Someone needing help,

The conditions that you actually were aware of it and saw it and went and helped,

Maybe because also people have been kind to you.

So just these conditions arising and changing and changing and changing,

Like that there's no fixed identities here.

Either there's no fixed roles,

There's roles,

Just conditions coming together,

Changing,

Changing,

Changing.

And so emptiness is showing us this,

That behind experience,

There is nothing solid and independent there.

Yes,

There is sentience,

We have sentience,

We're not like a rock.

But there is nothing solid,

Or permanent,

Independent behind experience.

And why this matters,

Why it matters to realize emptiness to see the nature of reality is because all of our self created suffering is the misperception that we are an independent solid being behind the experience.

And this,

This thing that we take ourselves to be this independent solid thing that we take ourselves to be,

Is,

Is always needing to be thought about,

We're constantly needed to think about what,

What does it need to do in next year or next,

In the next few hours to be happy?

Where can I be and be happy?

What can happen over there?

What did I do back there that I shouldn't have done?

Or how am I being perceived in this moment?

Do they think I sound smart?

Do they think I,

I sound cool?

Do they think I,

I'm being awkward,

That always just constantly being self conscious about ourselves,

Constantly,

Constantly thinking about ourselves.

And then reinforcing through that thinking about ourselves,

Reinforcing again,

That they're that behind this little whispering voice,

It's always chattering away,

That there is an independent solid me here.

It's just activity,

The activity of the ego,

In this case.

And so we're not trying to kill the ego,

We're not trying to destroy the ego,

The ego is an activity.

And I would even argue that in some cases,

The ego has some usefulness,

I think it would be very disconcerting to live our lives without some kind of a sense of a self of a continuity,

You know,

Some kind of continuity thread running through this.

But it's an activity,

It's not an identity.

So we don't want to treat it as the enemy,

Because it's not the enemy.

Right?

But we can agree,

I think that it has gone way too far,

That we are constantly lost,

Thinking about ourselves,

Thinking about what I want,

What I don't want.

And even imagining like the ego kind of putting us to the edge of this cliff,

Like 10 times a day,

As though,

You know,

We're bound to be destroyed because of just all the fantasies that it's making up,

You know,

Creating all these terrifying scenarios for us about what do they think about me?

And what's going to happen to me?

And why aren't I getting enough?

And why are they getting more than me?

Right?

And so in this way,

Kind of,

It just keeps pushing us to the edge again,

And again,

And again,

When we are perfectly safe,

When we're not in any danger at all.

And so,

While the ego doesn't die,

What does die is our identification with it.

Right?

And it it's because we're seeing gradually that there is no one,

No thing behind the thoughts,

Behind the experience,

Nothing separate,

Nothing independent.

And we're doing it gradually,

Because this is a gradual path,

A path of wisdom and compassion,

Where we,

We notice when we're getting caught up in the grasping and,

And believing there's a little me behind it,

A solid independent me.

And it's where we use our practices,

Right?

Our practices of mindfulness,

Of self-compassion,

Of self-inquiry,

Right?

To see,

To use these practices to be able to see,

Is there anything behind this?

Or is it all just activity?

And every time we keep peering in and seeing that,

We're realizing emptiness in that moment.

It's like we're,

We've walked by,

Like every day,

Let's say you've got to walk by a house,

A particular house,

You have to walk by this house,

You can't avoid it.

And there's this big concrete wall and a little rickety wooden door inside the wall.

And every day,

You hear these dogs,

These ferocious dogs barking and barking and barking,

And you hear a little barking and barking,

And,

And the,

The door rattles,

And you're always terrified that one day they're going to break out.

And so before you,

As you're leading up to the door,

Or you're just getting ready to leave the house,

And you're thinking,

I'm going to have to go by that other house,

The fear is arising,

And the anxiety is arising,

And what's going to happen if this happens and that happens,

Right?

And then you get by and you're gritting your teeth,

Oh,

I got to the other side,

But then I got to go back home later.

And then one day,

Because you have your practices,

Your mindfulness practices,

Your self-compassion,

Your self-inquiry,

You,

You use those practices to like a little step ladder.

And you look over the concrete fence,

And what you see is there's just a tape recorder there.

It's just barking away.

And it's tied to a little rattling on the fence,

That there's this sensor that every single time you go by,

The barking happens,

The door rattles,

And this fear arises because you think there's something there.

But now,

Because you've used your practices,

You see that there is nothing there.

It's just activity.

That's all.

So this is what we're trying to see.

We're not trying to destroy anything.

Emptiness is helping us to see that there is nothing solid behind experience,

That we're just trying to see the illusion that we have believed to be true this whole time.

And using our practices,

Because our practices are what's helping us take the teachings from a conceptual understanding,

An intellectual understanding,

Down into a place of knowing.

So when we have a moment and there's some awkwardness,

We're kind of in a new situation,

Or a little bit of anxiety or something,

And perfectly normal to have these things,

We're still going to feel,

We're not going to not feel anymore.

Right?

And so in that moment,

Though,

You can recognize like,

Yeah,

There's a little awkwardness here.

And now it's starting to get a little self conscious and,

And you recognize what's happening.

And you breathe and you feel into the awkwardness,

Into the anxiety.

And in that recognition,

And in that being with what's here,

All of a sudden,

The spaciousness and the ease,

And then maybe a little investigation as well,

Like,

Wow,

Who is it that was feeling anxious,

Right?

Could just be self inquiry,

Or just inquiring,

Like,

Look at just what's feeling just from being in a new situation,

The kind of the chatter that's keep going on,

That that's happening.

Is this useful?

Is this helpful?

Right?

We can kind of see it's not.

It's not helpful.

Like,

Yeah,

There's a little awkwardness here.

There's a little anxiety here.

And that's okay.

That's okay to feel a little bit there's a there's a world of difference between I'm anxious,

I'm awkward,

What's everyone thinking about me?

And then feeling anxiety,

Feeling awkwardness,

In the body,

Just feeling it,

Right?

Because it,

It's just those are the conditions that are arising.

But there's no one behind those conditions.

No thing,

No,

Nothing solid.

It's just these are the conditions that are arising,

And they're changing.

Right?

Or if it's someone,

Someone's a little short with us,

They're not terribly rude,

They're just a little bit short with us.

And in that moment,

We can feel what's happening.

Oh,

This,

This kind of hurts a little bit,

A little disappointment,

You feel it.

We're not trying to be robots,

Of course,

We're going to feel so you feel it.

Right?

So we're using our practices.

And we breathe in and out.

And we just think,

Oh,

Yeah,

There was just a little bit of a,

You know,

Didn't meet my expectations of how I was going to interact with this person.

And we can kind of feel that kind of those conditions come together and they go away.

Like we talked about the other day,

The other week about the,

The empty boat,

Right?

The conditions just coming along and just kind of a recognition.

Yeah,

They were just having a tough day and kind of come together and then go apart again.

But if we're still thinking about it three hours later,

If we're still going on about I can't believe they were so rude to me.

I can't believe or what did I do?

Right?

I must have done something wrong.

And that's why they were so rude to me.

Right?

This is again,

We get so lost in it in the me,

The me that's now unworthy or the me that's now a victim.

And this is where we use our practices.

This is where we take these teachings from conceptual down into a place of knowing,

Using mindfulness.

Okay,

I recognize what's happening.

I'm pushing back on it.

Feel the feelings,

Come into the feelings.

The feelings are not as nearly as terrifying as the story of what we're telling ourselves.

And as we open to what's here,

Because the feelings are real and we start to feel a little bit more relaxed.

And then we can question who was it that felt threatened?

Can't find that solid independent me that I thought was being threatened.

There's a very big difference between feeling unpleasant emotions,

Unpleasant feelings,

And then feeling that I'm the one threatened by all these things.

Right?

Or if it's,

If it's someone that's,

You know,

Blaming us when it really feels more personal,

Really feels more terrifying,

Like,

No,

This is someone's blaming me for this.

And this is terrifying now.

And we think,

Oh,

No,

No,

No,

I can't use my,

I can't use my practices here.

I can't understand emptiness here.

I can't understand no self here.

And yet this is exactly where we want to be applying our practices.

Because in the moment of being with the feeling of blame,

Of breathing into it and feeling and acknowledging the fear that's here,

Acknowledging the despair that might be here,

Acknowledging the defensiveness that might be here,

The pushing back on it.

But in the moment that we're feeling and we're here with what's here,

Then we start to feel a little more at ease,

Even with the unpleasant sensations,

Because we're no longer pushing back.

And then we might be able to,

You know,

Ask in our,

Ask honestly,

Is there any truth to this?

Is there any validity to this?

Maybe we did do something and maybe it is,

You know,

We need to own up to it.

Right?

Maybe there's nothing to do and we can just see like,

Wow,

This is just a huge misunderstanding,

But there's not a lot I can do right now.

But what I can do is be with the feelings because the feelings are either spinning me out,

Thinking that I'm about to die,

Thinking that my world's coming to an end,

Or I can be with what's here and breathe and feel.

Our fear is how am I,

The independent solid me,

Going to feel this in five minutes,

In 10 minutes,

In 20 minutes?

That's what keeps driving the fear is not what we're feeling right now,

But how am I going to feel it in the future?

So we take the little me about how it's going to feel in the future because there is no little me there and we just feel what's here now.

And as we breathe and we feel it,

There's a sense of ease that comes back in.

Not necessarily,

There might be a little bit of a heavy cloud that's kind of following us around for a little bit because there is,

It's a difficult situation.

But whatever is here,

That whatever feelings arise,

We're here with it.

And we see it's just,

These are the conditions arising and then they're changing.

And every time I come to it,

Because that's a new condition,

Every time I come to what's here and I open to what's here and I breathe mindfully into what's here,

Those conditions start rearranging and they're less intense,

Less intense.

And there's less of a sense of an unworthiness around right now,

A new identity that we're taking on of the blame and I'm such a terrible person and I can't believe I did this and I can't believe anyone thinks of me like this.

There's none of that.

It's just the recognition,

These are the conditions.

And if there's some way that we do need to respond,

Of course,

We can respond appropriately.

But now not from a place of feeling threatened,

But instead from a place of feeling centered,

Of feeling at ease.

Because the little me,

The solid independent me will always feel threatened by this and react in ways that usually make the situation worse.

And so the teachings,

When we hear the teachings here,

When we read the teachings in a book,

They're not meant to stay as conceptual teachings.

They're not meant to be just these philosophical ideas.

They're meant to go from a place of conceptually understanding down into a place of knowing.

And the bridge that takes it from conceptual down into knowing is in the moment when that little me,

The illusion of the little me has arisen.

And then we use our practices to investigate,

To keep peering over the fence.

Is there anyone there?

Because that's ultimately what we're doing every time we're coming in and we're feeling,

Right?

We're seeing there's just spaciousness,

Maybe some tense energy,

But now a little bit more spaciousness within it.

It's not as heavy anymore,

But nothing solid and independent here.

And so it can still feel a little bit scary at times,

Or like we're losing something here.

And we are losing something.

We're losing our insecurities,

The doubt,

The unworthiness,

The sense of I don't belong,

The separateness,

The irrational stress,

And the irrational anxiety,

And the irrational fears.

We are losing all of that.

And what we are gaining is just a quiet confidence that's not dependent upon what others think of us,

Of comparing ourselves to others,

Of any successful accomplishments.

You know,

A quiet sense of ease that I don't have to defend myself anymore.

I don't have to become something.

And the realization that every one of us is connected,

Because each of us is arising interdependent,

Interconnected,

Right?

I'm arising based on all of you.

You're arising based on my words,

Right?

This moment is arising based on all of us here together,

Right?

Trillions of conditions coming to make this moment.

And so this sense that I'm a part of this and I'm not separate from this,

Taking away that existential feeling that so many people walk around with because we're lost in the little me,

This feeling of separateness and I'm unworthy and I somehow don't belong,

Right?

It's like,

No,

You've always been a part of this.

It's just that your thoughts were lost in believing that you weren't.

So we use our practices to see this.

And in fact,

If we didn't have the person that was a little bit rude to us,

If we didn't have those little awkward moments,

If we didn't have the person blaming us,

If we didn't have the person that has a different view and opinion from us,

That we wouldn't have the opportunity to see,

Am I seeing things clearly?

Am I seeing reality or am I lost at seeing things from my self-centered view?

Right?

And so we start to recognize when we're not seeing reality,

The problem isn't out there and what someone else is doing and that they voted for someone that I don't approve of.

It's seeing,

Oh,

I'm misperceiving the way things are,

The way each of us is.

Because none of my conditions,

Excuse me,

None of my views and opinions came out of a vacuum.

They all came out of all the causes and conditions of Meredith.

And then this is the same for everyone else.

So why would I hate someone?

Because they have a different view or opinion than me,

Because they had different conditions.

All these different conditions coming out with,

You know,

Slightly different views and opinions.

And we're able to see the whole,

Right?

Not to label someone with one thing that they did wrong or that they messed up on or something,

Or again,

That there's just a different view,

But we see the whole person.

There were all a multitude of things of just arising in each moment based on trillions of causes and conditions.

No one,

No thing,

Nothing independent or solid here.

Just arising interdependent,

Interconnected and constantly changing moment by moment by moment.

This is the benefit of the teachings going from conceptual down into a place of knowing.

Just that sense of ease,

We can finally live our lives and accept who we are.

And we can accept others for who they are.

We don't have to change everyone.

We don't have to throw a fit.

Every time something goes wrong,

As though it was personal,

The universe was out to get me.

It's just changing.

Causes and conditions.

And it's not something,

You know,

That's out of our realm of seeing.

It's not like,

You know,

Trying to understand some,

You know,

The theory of relativity or some calculus problem.

It's just the willingness to look,

To look again and again.

Is there something solid and independent here?

It doesn't mean that we're not going to feel things,

Right?

If anger is arising,

And like we talked about this the other week,

You know,

There's no one that's angry,

But anger is arising and we feel it and we're here with it,

Right?

And it doesn't overwhelm us.

It's just those,

Those were the conditions that were coming together,

Right?

Or if sadness is arising,

Even just Jeremy,

You're saying like if unworthiness is arising,

Right?

And you're not alone.

Every one of us feels unworthiness from time to time.

There's no way you're not living there's no way anyone living in their head is always feeling unworthiness from time to time,

Because it's just always got this view of the sense of lack and the sense of separation and I don't belong.

And so it's just being with the sense of unworthiness and just feeling it and breathing into it.

And yeah,

It's okay.

It's here.

It's okay to feel what's here.

It's not nearly as painful as the story of unworthiness.

And we use that unworthiness,

That feeling of the story of unworthiness to come in to feel it,

To see that there is no one that was unworthy.

There is no one,

No,

No independent,

Solid,

Separate thing,

Thing here.

It is all just activity,

Just activity.

So all of these,

These moments are meant to be used to help us see what is really going on,

To break out of this illusion of separateness and,

And,

And just all the stories that we tell ourselves about,

You know,

What I'm,

What I need to be happy and what I need them to be doing over there so I can be happy and what I need to them to not be doing so I can be happy.

And instead of just being able to sit back to see just yes,

It's all just conditions coming together and changing and changing and changing moment by moment by moment.

Nothing to hold on to,

Nothing to hold on to.

It's just let go,

Put your arms up,

The ride's happening,

You are the ride,

You are the ride.

And so it's just to see that and,

And to feel that sense of ease from,

From letting go from the,

From the ease from no longer gripping and trying to control that which we haven't been controlling in any case.

So,

As the Master was pointing out to the young Zen monk,

There is a world of difference between intellectually understanding something and truly knowing it to be true.

And it's in those moments of our despair,

Of our darkness,

In the moments when we're on our own,

When we peer in to see what's really going on,

And that is where the wisdom grows and that is where the compassion grows.

Not so much here in the teachings,

Not so much in reading,

You know,

In a Dharma talk,

Not so much reading it in a book.

It's in those moments when we're so believing the story that I'm unworthy,

So believing my life is over because someone's blamed me for something.

And in that moment,

The willingness,

The faith to trust our practices to say,

Okay,

Let me do this.

Just step by step,

Recognize what's happening,

Allow the feelings to be here,

Investigate,

Nurture,

And seeing no self,

Right?

And to keep going through it and seeing it like,

Ah,

And every time you do that,

The penny starts dropping a little bit more,

A little bit more,

And you start to realize it's just activity,

Even just the activity of the ego,

The thinking.

You don't have to pay attention to it because it's just activity.

It's just activity.

That's all.

And there's so much freedom in seeing that it's just activity.

Okay.

So,

I see the comment section has been very busy.

It's been very busy.

I'll go back here and take a look.

So I've got to go back a ways.

Okay.

So,

Sue,

Great question.

When nothing is really solid and constantly changing,

What can be our anchor?

Yes,

Awareness is our anchor.

You know,

You can use the breath as an anchor,

Feeling as an anchor,

Seeing as an anchor,

Hearing as an anchor,

Right?

Because all of these things are happening,

Right?

The belief like,

You know,

That we have made the separate self our anchor,

It's just an illusion.

There is nothing there.

And all that anchoring has done is just created such a sense of unhappiness,

Of unworthiness.

Things are still constantly changing.

But yes,

Awareness,

Awareness,

I would say the backdrop behind all of this,

The awareness,

But so yes,

The awareness as an anchor,

But seeing and hearing and smelling and touching and tasting and,

You know,

Being without the commentary,

Being without the filter between us and experience is just the being.

And what you find is that there's just such a,

You know,

Life is fluid.

It's like it's this river,

Right?

We're the river.

And yet we keep,

You know,

We keep holding on to the rocks and we're holding on to the fallen branch and we're like,

No,

No,

No,

No,

I don't want to be going this way,

But it's happening anyway.

It's happening anyway.

So just breathe,

Just breathe.

Feel the breath,

Hear the breath,

Hear the sound of the trees rustling in the wind.

You know,

We have,

This is the only way that we experience the world through our senses.

But we add this filter of a me that's experiencing and it's always dissatisfied.

It always wants to be somewhere else.

It always wishes it did something else back there.

It's never content.

It's never content.

And in seeing that it's not,

It's not so much,

Sue,

That it's even kind of,

What can I latch on to,

You know,

What can I latch on to,

To stay here?

I mean,

Yes,

To use again,

Mindfulness and mindfulness of feelings,

You know,

Awareness,

But it really is seeing.

It's the constant looking that every time you get upset and you see that there is nothing solid and independent there that was upset,

Upsetting happen,

Happening.

But when you see that it's like,

And everything opens up and there's not a feel to,

There's not a need to kind of anchor yourself because it's just what you were giving your attention to is seen to be the illusion.

It's seen that there's nothing there.

And the contraction that was,

That was so associated with that thought created me unravels and everything opens up.

And there really is just a natural sense of,

Of being,

Of being,

But definitely,

But I will also,

I will also add on that the breath.

Yeah.

Mindfulness of the breath,

Wonderful,

Beautiful anchor as well.

And yet I cannot stress this enough.

Use your practices to keep seeing what you are not,

Because otherwise you can,

You can be mindful of the breath for a while.

But once those thoughts come along,

If you believe there is a me behind the thoughts that was insulted,

That's unworthy,

That messed up in some way that needs to get somewhere and needs to be someone needs to be seen,

Needs something in order to feel okay.

As long as you believe that you're still going to spend a great deal of time with it.

So yes,

Use the breath.

You know,

I think probably the most accessible anchor,

And it's why we so often use it in meditation because it's a very accessible anchor.

But keep investigating the solid,

Independent me that you think to be behind your thoughts,

Because it's,

It's not that you need to hold on to anything.

It's just a needing to let go of what you think you are and everything opens up.

It all just opens up for you.

There's no need then to go,

What can I hold on to now?

It was just a letting go.

And yet still,

Again,

Just some balance,

The breath can be a very good anchor.

And hi Mari,

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Okay,

Let me go back because I know there was a lot of comments here.

Yeah,

And Kathy,

I'll just go to yours because it kind of jumped back down again.

I'll go back up.

But doing a breath practice before meditation,

I mean,

The breath,

Yes,

It absolutely regulates the nervous system.

And that's very,

Very helpful.

Very,

Very helpful.

It's why we often do a little bit of deep breathing,

Just to start our meditation practice just as a way to relax the body,

To start to relax the mind.

And it does start to bring our nervous system into balance.

So absolutely,

It's super helpful as an aid.

And I find that our meditation practice,

The foundation of our daily meditation practice enables us to be mindful throughout the day,

Because that's a condition.

The condition of meditation creates the conditions where mindfulness is more likely to arise,

To recognize when we're getting lost in it,

Right,

Lost in our thoughts.

But that is the point where I would absolutely be investigating,

Feeling what's here,

Breathing into what's here,

Breathing mindfully into what's here,

Your feelings,

And keep questioning what it is that you think is behind your thoughts.

But yeah,

Super,

Super helpful.

Oh,

Sorry,

Chris,

You're saying by hindsight,

You mean looking about upon,

Sorry,

Looking upon the unfoldment of our human experience and noticing the things we like at 6,

15,

And 25 are not the same because our energy and focus shifts over time and space.

Yeah,

Sorry.

Yeah,

I wasn't sure what you were specifically pointing to there.

Yeah,

And it's seeing that,

You know,

I find that it's really looking and just saying the conditions just keep changing.

They're always changing.

And definitely looking at photos of ourselves or just thinking about,

You know,

Contemplating and thinking about,

Wow,

I mean,

You know,

First of all,

We're a very different person,

You know,

At 60 than I was when I was 20.

I mean,

Such a different person.

It's unbelievable.

I mean,

20 years old,

I'm going out to the clubs,

Drinking,

Doing all sorts of things I shouldn't have been doing.

And,

You know,

You couldn't keep me in the house.

And now,

Like now,

It's just the opposite.

You can't get me out of the house,

No drinking,

No dating,

Nothing.

Right.

And,

And,

And happiness and peace.

Right there,

I was desperate for it.

I was looking for validation.

I needed,

I needed something,

Always something to try and help me settle down and to feel calm because there was a me inside that was so unworthy and so lacking and so needed something.

And so,

Yeah,

Just kind of seeing how,

Wow,

How drastically our conditions change.

But it was kind of just slowly,

Slowly,

Slowly happening until you're like,

Oh,

Wow,

That's like almost seems like a completely different person.

And a lot of,

I have a lot of compassion for that younger person because she was suffering quite a bit.

And Sue,

And I'm going to go back to the other messages here in a moment,

You're saying,

So control is a big issue for you.

Which was,

Was your question?

Yeah.

You know,

Control,

We,

We,

Uh,

We seem to think that we are controlling everything too,

That there is a me,

An independent solid me that's controlling everything,

But there's really no one controlling,

No one,

No one,

No thing controlling.

There's activities that were kind of going in one direction versus another direction based on just all these trillions of conditions.

And so I just,

I'd probably offer for you a little practice at the end of the day.

Think about how your day went.

Maybe there was a plan,

Right?

A plan for the day.

And this is a good,

Good practice for everyone.

We have a plan for the day.

Where did that plan come from?

Where did the plan come from?

We can think about that too and to think,

Where did that plan come from that I wanted to go and do this or that,

Or I had work,

Right?

So we can say,

Oh,

Well,

All these previous conditions,

And that's where kind of the plan was forming out.

Okay.

And then how did it go?

How did the plan go exactly according to plan where there were little changes on the way and just thinking about all of the things that did happen and didn't happen for that plan to continue.

You had maybe a big plan for the day to go off and do something,

But then you woke up with a cold.

All of a sudden,

Change of plans,

Or you start going off to go do something and you're going to catch a plane and there's an accident on the freeway and now you missed the plane,

Change plans.

Or maybe it's just little things,

Little things along the way you were,

Oh,

I was going to go meet a friend at nine,

But then she texted me and said she couldn't do it.

And so then instead I went to yoga,

And then from there I ran into someone else and then we did this.

And so just see,

Really have this,

This lens of looking at what were all the conditions that did happen and didn't happen of why things played out the way they did to help us really let go of the one that's controlling.

I mean,

This is the crux of what we're doing here in spirituality is we have misperceived the way things are,

We have misperceived ourselves.

We can see everything else as interdependent,

Interconnected,

And impermanent.

But when it comes to us,

No,

No,

No,

There's something here,

Solid and independent.

And just so many ways that we have this self-centered view,

There's a little me at the center here that's driving all of this and making all this happen.

When we start to look though,

What we see is first of all,

We cannot find in our experience,

In our despair,

In our anger,

In our unworthiness,

In our disappointment,

You cannot find a solid independent you.

You cannot find it.

Look for it.

This is why I'm saying,

Look for it.

You will not find it.

It's just activity that's given the illusion of something there because it's been unchecked.

And so the more that we keep looking for this one and we keep seeing there is no one here.

And the more that we open our view up to really seeing,

To really paying attention to what's going on,

There is this understanding,

This realization that things are just coming together and just happening and happening and happening.

The preferences that I have here,

I didn't create my preferences,

My likes,

My dislikes,

None of us did.

None of us could choose to say whether we like broccoli or whether we like spinach or whether we like Diet Coke or whether we like Diet Pepsi.

None of us choose our likes or our dislikes.

None of us,

You know,

We kind of always think,

But no,

No,

No,

I like that.

Right?

You can't choose to like it or not like it.

You just do.

And so,

You know,

The more that we start seeing that,

The more there's just this letting go and letting go.

And it's like,

Oh my gosh.

And the day still flows.

And it's not that thinking doesn't still happen.

And because as the grasping at a separate self starts to become released,

Starts to unwind,

The wisdom and compassion comes in its place,

Rises in its place.

So there's still thinking,

Right?

But it's happening now without grasping.

So now the things that you're doing,

It's not because I think I'm going to get something out of it,

Because we're always trying to get something out of life.

I'm trying to get the validation.

I'm trying to get the feeling of being okay,

The sense of belonging,

The sense of safety.

I'm always trying to grasp something out of the future for that.

And there's a saying like,

There's no one to grasp any of this.

And now,

No longer coming from that sense of lack that I need something,

We can just enjoy the being of the day.

And the things that we do tend to flow more in harmony,

Because you're not reaching for your phone every five seconds for checking for something,

Reaching in the food,

You know,

The fridge to try and fill up that aching hole or on Amazon,

Trying to fill up that aching hole inside,

Right?

Because there's no longer an aching hole.

The aching hole is the creation of the thought created me that is always in a state of lack.

It's always in a state of lack.

I need to get something,

And then I'll be happy.

I need to push something away,

Something unpleasant,

And then I'll be happy,

Right?

It's always in a state of lack.

And this,

You know,

We keep chasing and chasing and chasing and pushing back on other things,

You know,

Our whole lives.

And we're like,

So where's the happiness?

It looks like a lot of stress and suffering.

For sure,

That's what it was here,

A lot of stress and suffering,

No happiness,

Maybe little bits of happiness.

And as I've said many times in the past,

Like because you get something,

You all the stressing and striving to want to get something to get somewhere and you get there and for a few moments,

For a few moments,

The separate self goes away and there's a feeling of okayness because the separate self went away.

But then because we've spent so much time with that activity,

Believing there's something there,

It only takes a few moments.

It doesn't take long before it starts to build.

Okay,

What next?

Right?

You go on the amazing holiday and you get there and you're like,

This is fantastic.

Oh my God,

This is so great.

Let's look at the beach.

Oh my God,

Let's look at the rooms.

Okay,

What next?

What next?

Oh,

Where should we go for dinner?

Okay,

We go for dinner and then you're at this great restaurant and great food and you're commenting,

Oh,

This is really great.

Where should we go for dinner tomorrow night?

What should we do the next night?

It's just constantly,

Constantly,

Constantly until eventually,

A few weeks into the holiday,

It's like,

Now I want to go home.

Now I've had enough of this.

Because you will never find satisfaction through pleasurable,

Through the sense pleasures.

You could never find satisfaction through the sense pleasures.

I'm not denying that we should enjoy the sense pleasures when they arise.

Like yes,

Enjoy the nice massage,

Enjoy the nice holiday,

Enjoy the the latte.

Right?

But none of these things are going to complete you.

None of them are going to make you,

None of them are going to bring you lasting happiness.

Right?

It's just,

There's activity that's happening and happening.

And you're just,

There's no sense of lack any longer.

The lack is all from the separate self.

For all of us here,

Right?

So Sunday afternoon,

Monday morning for some of us,

You have the time to be on a Dharma talk.

You have a computer or a phone or internet.

And I'm going to assume for everyone here,

We have some food in the fridge,

We have maybe a few dollars in our purse,

We have some kind of income source,

However small coming in,

We've got clothing,

We've got some friends,

We've got some support.

We have really everything we need to survive.

And yet,

It's not enough.

It's not enough.

It's more and more and more.

It's endless.

It's endless.

And so,

And I just wanted,

There was one other thing I wanted to point out,

Sue,

On your question.

So yes,

You know,

It's the letting go of control,

But seeing it through wisdom.

Don't just try and do it based on this talk.

Keep seeing,

As you're going about the days,

You find yourself in a room,

How did I end up here?

You find yourself at the store,

How did I get here?

What were all the things that did happen and didn't happen?

Right?

This is a path of wisdom and compassion,

Of seeing,

Directly seeing yourself,

Because otherwise it doesn't work.

It doesn't work.

You'll always get lost in your thoughts,

You'll start,

You'll believe them,

You'll still keep believing them.

Right?

And so,

You know,

Again,

Just on the control,

It's always about seeing and seeing and seeing.

How did this happen?

What were all the conditions that arose?

And just opening your view to the nature of reality.

And yeah,

And just be careful when you're saying,

When you focus on the breath,

You tend to hyperventilate,

Just slow breathing,

Or just focus on hearing.

Hearing,

I find,

Is a wonderful way to just bring us into the present moment to get out of our thoughts.

Yeah,

Jeremy,

That's interesting,

A ranking of your day from one to 10.

I mean,

Just to be clear,

Too,

Therapy and spirituality are doing two different things,

And both have their place.

Therapy is trying to,

If you will,

Like fix the self.

We find we're not able to,

You know,

We're not able to have healthy relationships,

We're not,

You know,

We're having difficulties in our jobs,

Or just difficulties in our relationships.

And there's a point to where the ego's destructiveness,

Maybe because things that have happened,

It is,

It's just causing a lot of chaos in our life.

And so therapy is about fixing the self.

Spirituality,

Buddhism,

Is about seeing that there is no independent,

Separate self.

Not that we don't exist,

Of course we exist,

But each of us is a constant,

You know,

Interdependent,

Interconnected,

Arising,

Changing moment by moment,

Based on our external conditions,

Our internal conditions,

Based on things that are happening,

Based on things that aren't happening.

And just constantly changing,

Changing,

Changing,

Changing.

So what we're trying to see is that there is no independent,

Separate self.

So,

Yeah,

So just from a perspective here,

I mean,

I wouldn't say to people,

You know,

At the end of the day,

Rank your day.

I mean,

There might be some value in that.

What I would say is at the end of the day,

Look at all of the things that did happen and didn't happen,

And how the day played out.

Were you really in control?

Yeah,

Michelle,

And I know there's some questions back there that I will get to.

So your question about personal goals,

That you often,

That you get confused with that.

It doesn't mean,

So we tend to think when we hear this that,

You know,

All activity is going to stop because we've realized there's no,

Because we've seen through the illusion,

Right?

There was nothing here to begin with.

It wasn't making everything happen.

It was just causing all the suffering.

It was just causing all the grasping and the clinging and the hanging on.

That's all.

It wasn't making anything happen.

So personal goals can still be happening.

It's just that there's not a,

You're not doing things because you want recognition.

You're not doing things to become someone new,

To be something different.

If the personal goals arising of wanting to be a little healthier and eat a little better and work out a little bit more,

Get a good night's sleep.

Yeah,

You know,

In fact,

Much more likely,

Much more likely to happen because it's not about,

Oh,

I'm going to be this something new.

So it's really important that we,

Or so it's that we acknowledge like goals can still be happening.

It's just not from this perspective.

It's not from this viewpoint of,

Well,

What can I get when I get that personal goal?

Right.

And so,

And then also if the conditions arise that day,

You weren't able to get to the gym.

You didn't eat particularly healthy.

There's no feeling badly about yourself.

It's just,

Those are the conditions.

And yet,

And I know people are probably thinking,

Oh,

Then that means I'm going to eat badly and never go to the gym.

It's not,

It's amazing how without the grasping at the self,

The activity that's happening is,

Tends to be more aligned with what's good for us.

I mean,

We have to think the activity that so many people are watching TV all day,

Watching social media all day,

Eating fast food,

Processed food,

Spending money that they don't have,

Gambling,

Just all of these things that is coming from the sense of I need more,

I need more.

I'm trying to find my worth somewhere in all these things.

You know,

That falls away and leaves a lot of room for,

You know,

Yeah,

You want to get a little healthier.

You want to save a little bit of money.

You tend to stick to the plan,

But if the conditions change for a day or two,

There's no devastation over it.

There's no beating yourself up over it.

It's,

The difference is the motivation behind it.

And we tend to think that our motivation,

All of our motivation is behind the separate self.

Oh,

This is the motivation for everything.

This is the motivation for all the suffering.

But,

You know,

There's still like a,

You know,

The things that you want to do,

If there's an inclination towards health,

Those are your conditions.

If there's an inclination towards starting a business,

Those are your conditions.

The activities,

Most of the activities are still going to happen.

Not the activities happening from a place of lack that are actually bringing us a lot of unhappiness,

Those tend to fall away.

But the other activities tend to happen,

But there's not a me at the end of the goal that's going to get something out of it,

Right?

So it's,

You make a plan and you see what happens,

Right?

Sometimes the goal changes.

Oh,

That was better.

That was better.

I didn't,

Hadn't even thought of that,

But you had to go through that step to get to the next step.

So you're just,

You're not holding on so tightly.

And it's just,

The motivation is not for me to get something.

And that's where the disappointment always comes from.

When you,

When you get the object,

You feel good for a few moments,

And then it's like,

Well,

What next?

I need more recognition.

I need more praise.

It's never enough.

We,

I used this example a couple weeks ago,

Where you can imagine someone that's like an influencer.

So this is their job and they've got their goals.

So I'm kind of doing work goals now.

And,

And they post a video or a post or something that goes viral,

Right?

And all these likes and all these comments,

So everything they kind of wanted,

And they're getting all these new subscribers,

Everything they wanted.

And what do you think happens?

Do you think they put the phone down and go,

Wow,

That felt good.

Got to a million subscribers,

You know,

Got all these likes,

Got the viral post.

Do you,

Do you think that they feel like a sense of like,

Yeah,

I'm okay now?

Yeah,

That's finally,

I feel validated.

Finally,

I feel okay.

You've unleashed the beast.

I need more likes,

And you're checking every five seconds.

Are there more likes?

Are there more comments?

Oh my God,

There's more subscribers.

And now I've got to think of the next viral post and,

And oh no,

It didn't go viral.

What's going wrong?

And so it's,

It's the motivation behind it.

It's the motivation behind it that really changes,

That really changes so much.

Okay,

I'm going to try and go back where I lost.

I think we,

Okay.

Yeah,

And Ruth and Jess,

You're saying like,

You know,

Again,

This anchor.

I do find sometimes that we're,

We're so focused on trying to stay here,

To stay present,

Which is just more grasping.

So again,

An anchor is the breath,

Breathe mindfully,

Use your senses to anchor,

You know,

Anchoring into the present moment.

And so I'll just kind of repeat this again.

And as long as you think there is a separate self,

You know,

You're going to be grasping at presence,

And you can't grasp at presence.

It's just,

You know,

The only problem is that our attention is,

Keeps wandering up into our thoughts and the belief that there is a me,

A solid,

Independent me behind our thoughts.

And so in the seeing that there is no solid,

Independent me,

And just constantly checking it,

You feel the contraction,

You're upset about something,

You're disappointed,

You're just bored,

Right?

And so,

Oh,

Here's boredom.

Allow the feelings to be here,

Breathe into them.

Oh,

This is,

Wow,

Okay,

It's just feelings,

Right?

And you start to feel a little more settled.

And then ask,

Who was bored?

Who was bored?

The more that you do that,

Your attention is less likely to go there.

And it's just,

There's nowhere else for it to go.

There's not a third option here.

It's just,

We give our attention to our thoughts and the separate self.

So much of the time,

I was going to say more than half the time,

We are giving our attention to the separate self.

And in seeing there's nothing there,

You lose interest in it,

Because it's just this story,

This boring,

Repetitive story about what I'm not getting,

And what I need to be,

And what do they think about me?

And there's just this,

Oh,

I've seen there's nothing there,

And I see it's just this boring story that just keeps repeating again and again,

And kind of different variations,

But somehow I'm always at the center lacking.

And in seeing that presence,

You didn't need to go anywhere.

You didn't need to hold on to anything.

And so while yes,

I will again say,

Nuanced here,

That the breath is a great anchor,

Right,

Into presence.

But you won't be able to stay very long,

Because those thoughts are going to get your attention.

And so this is why this is a path of wisdom,

Wisdom and compassion,

Both that are wisdom born of compassion,

Compassion born of wisdom.

It is seeing,

And in seeing,

Each time using your mindfulness practice or self-compassion,

Right,

And getting to that point and inquiring and using self-inquiry,

Who was bored?

Who was upset?

Once we've gone through the steps of feeling and being with what's here,

Who was bored?

Who was upset?

Who needed the recognition?

Who needed the validation?

Every time we keep doing that,

We are seeing reality,

There was nothing there.

Right.

And it's,

It's,

It takes repetition,

Because we've believed so much of our lives has been such a belief that there is a solid independent me here that needs protecting that we need to constantly be thinking about.

So we do need to see it again and again.

But every time you see it,

Every time you question it,

Presence.

And then as the chattering starts happening,

It's just,

Oh,

Just chattering,

Nothing behind it,

It doesn't even get your attention.

Why would I leave presence?

Why would I leave this?

Right.

So just to kind of keep a little balance with that.

Okay.

Allison,

I'm trying to get back here.

There's something that happened.

Oh,

Yeah.

Oh,

I see.

Oh,

You were sharing here.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And just Kathy,

Just to notice like,

Yeah,

Your body never leaves the present moment.

It's always arising.

It's just your attention.

It's just your attention.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you started the path,

Sue.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Yeah.

And Alice,

Think how much your grief,

While you would have never asked for it,

None of us ask for these things to happen.

And yet it happens to everyone.

And,

And how much wisdom and compassion has been found in the grief itself.

Right.

This is another thing,

You know,

Another way of looking,

I mean,

Not another way,

But another example of emptiness.

We look at grief,

And we think it's one thing.

It's just one independent,

Solid thing that's so horrible.

And,

And while there is pain,

And there's loss,

And there's fear,

And all of those things in there,

There is also compassion and kindness and wisdom,

That when we're willing to open up to our grief and feel it and allow it to move through us.

And there's love,

Of course,

Because we didn't have love for the other person,

Right?

We wouldn't feel the loss.

And so again,

Emptiness showing us that,

That nothing is one thing,

Nothing exists independently on its own.

And of course,

What we start to see is that,

Wow,

There's so many,

You know,

Something,

Your car breaks down on the side of the road,

And we think,

Oh,

This is the worst thing that happens.

And,

And then someone pulls over to help you.

And you just,

There's this moment of kindness of the stranger helping you,

Right,

Those conditions arising,

And they're such like,

Oh,

Wow,

You know,

Like,

Like,

What a beautiful moment.

But we're so,

We're so,

You know,

Kind of so focused on our own little self-centered views and what's happening.

And this is such a nightmare,

Right,

That we don't open up to seeing that it's like nothing is one thing,

Nothing is one thing,

Multiple things.

So Chris,

You're saying that you've spent many a meditation and reflective contemplation sessions with an intentional focus on personal ego giving power to words,

And one of the four agreements of Be Impeccable with Your Words.

I love the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

And yeah,

You know,

Being impeccable with our words is,

You know,

Having that intention,

I think,

Is,

Is a good intention,

Right?

And it's also just interesting to note that we don't create our intentions.

Our intentions come from,

Look at how Don Miguel Ruiz,

You know,

The writer of the four agreements,

You know,

That book,

So many of us knowing that book and,

And in Buddhism,

Ethics being a very big part of our practice,

Right speech,

Right actions,

Right livelihood,

Because it's very hard to sit and meditate if you've been lying and stealing and cheating all day.

So yeah,

Ethics being a very,

Very important part of our practice.

And,

And so having the intention,

But not grasping at it.

Right?

Because every now and then there's going to be something that comes out that's,

You know,

Maybe not as kind as we would like it to be or not as caring,

Right?

Something was going on with us.

And to give that room for Yeah,

You know,

That's the intention.

Now,

Let's see.

Let's see how things play out.

Okay,

So I think I'm getting down now to the other questions.

So Chris,

You're saying staying surrendered and unattached is the key.

Your wife just asked you five minutes ago,

In the last five years,

I've never seen you express jealousy or envious of someone else.

How are you able to do this?

Because I actively choose to repudiate low energy and low vibrational emotions.

As there's no need to attach to any of that,

Because it's the same blessings meant for me,

The universe will bring it to me.

You know,

It is wonderful conditions,

Right?

That you don't ever have expressed jealousy or envious of someone,

Of someone.

And what I would suggest in that situation is to recognize all of the causes and conditions,

And to have gratitude that those are conditions.

Yeah,

Because there's no fear in that.

There's no division in that.

There's no separation in that.

And so that's beautiful.

And a lot of people,

There are people that just have the innateness of that,

Right?

But it is their conditions,

It is their conditions.

And I would just also caution here a little bit to say,

You know,

We are not separate from the universe.

We're a part of the universe.

We are the universe expressing as Meredith,

As Chris,

As Firefly,

As Alice,

As Sue.

Each of us having this own independent experience here,

But not separate from the universe.

We do have a way of kind of putting meaning,

You know,

Meaning into things.

Oh,

The universe has my back,

The universe is doing this.

It's just trillions of conditions coming together and changing and changing and changing moment by moment by moment.

And yet,

And yet what I would suggest here,

Or what I would say here is that the more that we are letting go,

And I think that's what you're saying here too,

Chris,

Is that,

You know,

The more that you're letting go,

There is a harmony and a flow that we tend to get in sync with.

It doesn't mean that unpleasant things don't happen to us.

Of course they do.

It doesn't mean that we don't have bad days.

It doesn't mean that we don't accidentally hurt someone because there's just no way to go through this life without that happening,

Even though that's not our intention,

Right?

Sometimes,

You know,

Sometimes that happens.

But in letting go of the me at the center,

So again,

Letting go of the me that we're saying that,

Oh,

All this is happening to,

There is no one that this is happening to.

It's just all happening.

There is a flow of harmony,

Right?

Because we're just no longer fighting reality.

We're seeing clearly what reality is just trillions of conditions coming together,

Changing moment by moment by moment.

And when we have that temptation to put meaning into things,

Right,

The meaning that we're giving to things is the ego,

Right?

It is the ego because we're just,

We're imputing things on things that are empty of inherent existence.

And so,

Just so I just offer that a little bit,

Just to make sure that we're all kind of staying aligned with the teachings,

Not to be attached to the teachings,

But because it's easy for us to start to,

It's easy to distract ourselves on this path.

It's easy to distract ourselves.

And just in very subtle ways where we're saying things that,

You know,

While it might be appearing in one way,

Perhaps we're crediting it with the wrong thing.

And just in some ways,

Kind of reinforcing,

Again,

That meanness at the center here,

And that things are directed at me,

Because there is no me here.

There is no me.

There's the appearance of Merida,

Arising,

Changing,

Interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent.

And there's feeling,

There's talking,

There's thinking,

There's smelling,

There's tasting,

There's loving,

There's kinding,

There's caring,

There's mistaking,

There's all of these things,

Just activity,

Just activity,

Constantly changing,

Constantly changing.

No me at the center.

So,

Su,

So the notion of not having any real control does feel freeing as well.

The false feeling of control also comes with a great sense of responsibility,

Even when it's not ours to bear.

Yeah,

Right.

And that often gives you a great and heavy feeling of guilt when I wasn't able to make a situation better.

I couldn't fix an unfixable situation,

But I did the best I could.

Yeah,

I mean,

That's where there's so much suffering in this.

So much suffering.

I have to fix everyone.

You don't have to fix everyone.

It's not your job to fix anyone.

And of course,

In this situation,

We have kind of an agreement.

You come here,

Right?

You come to these classes.

And so I am responding to comments and I'm offering my opinions here,

But walking down the street,

Not offering an opinion to anyone,

Right?

And not trying to fix everyone because we can't fix anyone.

Now,

Of course,

If someone comes to you and asks for your help,

You do your best to give them some advice,

Right?

Not based on how are you going to appear as the good advice giver,

But just what might be some helpful advice and therefore not attached to the outcome.

Because everyone's got to walk,

Everyone's,

You know,

There's a path that's unfolding here.

And we kind of think,

I'm the one that can get in there and do it,

Right?

We want to take some credit for it.

We want to feel some acknowledgement because look,

We were able to do it.

No,

And I don't want the failure of not being able to do it.

But there's so much wisdom and compassion in letting things unfold.

If someone asks for advice,

Someone asks for help,

Of course we offer it,

Right?

And in this situation,

There's a lot of advice giving here.

And I hope you just take what works for you and throw out what doesn't.

And yet it's not our responsibility.

Like,

Yeah,

That again,

We take on this,

You know,

Weight of this responsibility of needing to fix the world.

And,

You know,

The world is just doing its thing,

Right?

All these causes and conditions just doing its thing.

It's not for us to,

You know,

We're not controlling everything.

We can't fix other people.

I mean,

Quite frankly,

We can't even fix ourselves.

Like,

We kind of are always thinking like,

Oh,

I'm always going to improve myself,

Right?

That's the ego again.

That's the ego because we're always going to make mistakes.

We're always going to have little things that happen.

Like,

The right words aren't going to come out.

We're going to wake up in a bit of a bad mood.

Maybe we were a little short with someone relative to how we normally are.

Like,

We're human,

Right?

We're human.

And it's like,

We're not trying to be something supernatural,

Something perfect,

Something like,

Oh,

I couldn't just make myself better.

Like,

Yeah,

Have the intention,

Like,

You know,

Have the intention of kindness.

I've said this,

And a couple years ago,

We did this seven-part series on kindness,

You know,

Practicing kindness.

And it's all up on my teacher's page on Insight Timer.

Like,

Yeah,

Have the intention of kindness,

Like beautiful intention.

Be kind to ourselves,

Be kind to the environment,

Be kind to other people.

But don't ever get attached to that,

You know,

Don't make it an identity,

Because the moment we make it an identity,

Then we lose that shared connection.

So we can have the intention of kindness.

And sometimes in our intention of kindness is saying nothing,

Right?

Being truly kind to saying nothing.

Sometimes it's offering a bit of advice,

But it's just not being attached to the results.

Right?

So it's just,

It's seeing,

So noticing soon,

Notice when you're kind of feeling like you've got to fix someone,

Or you've got to fix some situation,

Or you've got to,

You feel the responsibility of the world on your shoulders,

And just recognize that.

Wow,

There's the,

I've got to fix something,

Feeling,

Oh,

That grasping at it,

Feel it in the body,

Breathe into it,

Be with the feelings,

Be there for a couple minutes,

Right?

And then you can inquire and investigate and say,

Well,

Okay,

Is there really anything to do here?

Right?

You might find now that you're out of the grasping,

Know who was it that needed to,

Who was it that needed to get something,

You know,

Who was it that needed to fix something,

Right?

You know,

And maybe there is,

Maybe there is something that needs to be done sometimes,

Maybe there isn't.

But if there's a weight,

A heaviness associated with it,

A contraction with it,

Then I would argue the motivations are probably coming from the ego.

And so we want to make sure that we're using our practices to see,

Okay,

I'm seeing this from the self-centered viewpoint,

Right?

To bring ourselves,

Bring our attention out of that,

The grasping falls away,

The wisdom and the compassion arises.

And we know whether there's something to do or not something to do.

Remember,

We don't,

The grasping at the ego,

When it goes away,

It's not like we turn into this big blob and we can't think or we can't,

You know,

Plan for the future,

We can't do anything.

It's,

It's the grasping is gone,

And wisdom and compassion in its place.

Yes,

Alice,

I would say the ego is always about separation.

It's always creating a distinction between myself and everything else and everyone else.

It's always about separation.

So that's why I'm kind of being so clear about some of the language.

Anytime we're making a distinction,

And that's why I was kind of a little bit on the,

You know,

The universe has my back.

That's a distinction.

You know,

We're all,

We're making that little sense of separation again.

Anytime we are creating a sense of separation or division,

It's the ego.

It's the ego.

So,

Kathy,

So you're saying,

If the causes and conditions are when I'm hangry,

I don't act skillfully,

So important to keep the blood sugar stable.

Yeah,

Yeah,

It is really important to recognize that.

Yeah,

Like,

The more that we are in the body,

Feeling the body,

More awareness in the body.

So,

You know,

Less in the head and,

And the less that we're in the head,

The more aware we are of what's happening in the body.

And you're starting to get hangry.

You're starting,

You know,

You're really,

Your energy is really starting to wane.

And then and then it's,

You know,

You take the appropriate steps,

You go eat something,

You know,

You go and lie down for a little bit,

Or you just recognize like,

Well,

Yeah,

There's just hangriness arising.

And just to make sure that you don't start getting into some story about it.

So,

You know,

Breathing a little bit more mindfully,

Right,

Making sure that you're not kind of getting lost in anything about it.

So that awareness of what's happening in the body is super helpful,

Super helpful.

Yeah.

Oh,

You're very welcome,

Sue.

You're very welcome.

Okay,

I think we've gotten through all the questions here.

I think if there's anything I've missed,

Please feel free to,

To put it again in the comments.

I know sometimes because there's a lot of back and forth,

So I sometimes might miss a little bit as I'm going through as well.

I'm just kind of taking a little check myself here.

Oh,

Heather,

Just to add to your point an hour ago,

I'm not sure if you're still here or not.

But yes,

There is such a deeper joy and peace in just being that no temporary thing can come close to.

Right.

Right.

And it doesn't mean that we don't feel the little joys,

The little moments of things that are,

You know,

The little pleasurable highs,

Like,

Yeah,

We enjoy those too.

But we understand,

You know,

These are just conditions coming together,

They're not going to stay,

Right?

They're not going to last.

And then it's just,

Okay,

What's arising?

You know,

It's like,

Yeah,

I don't have to grasp at it.

It's like we enjoy those conditions.

And when it changes,

There's not so much of,

Oh,

No,

The good conditions are gone,

Because that steadiness,

That steadiness,

The steadiness of knowing that this is all changing,

The steadiness of not,

You know,

Reaching out for something,

Always the steadiness of the peace that's always here,

You know,

And as things,

You know,

As things do change,

Because they do change,

And we feel a little bit,

Our energy gets a little excited,

Or our energy gets a little bit low,

Right,

These things are just,

You know,

They're just little fluctuations,

Right?

It's not this big,

Huge ups and downs,

You know,

The huge,

You know,

Oh,

My God,

This is the best thing in the world.

And oh,

My God,

No,

This is the worst thing in the world,

Right?

All that kind of goes away,

All that goes away.

And it's just a steadiness,

Kind of like,

Wow,

Life is unfolding.

I mean,

We have this life,

Who knows how many lives we have,

I don't really know what's going to happen there.

But we have this life right now,

We have this moment right now.

And we're having this experience,

Each of us having this unique experience based on our causes and conditions.

So just pay attention to what's happening.

Enjoy,

Enjoy the ride.

You are the ride.

You are the ride.

Each of us,

This is the ride.

We're not on a ride.

This is the ride.

And the ride is experienced through seeing and hearing and feeling and tasting and smelling and talking and connecting with others and just having this shared joy with one another and seeing how we're each arising interdependently and interconnected.

And it's just let go,

Let go,

Put your arms up,

You're not going to fall apart,

You're not going to fall apart.

And so as I say,

Let go,

You will only really let go when you see that you are not the separate self,

The ego.

We've got to keep looking at that.

If you're not getting the teachings on emptiness,

If you're not getting the teachings on no self,

It's because you're not looking.

This isn't,

We're not becoming something,

We don't have to become anything.

We,

This already is,

It's just we've got to notice that our attention keeps going to something else,

Something that we have taken to be real,

Something that we've taken to be our identity as who we are.

And all we're trying to do is just to keep seeing,

Going,

Is that true?

Looking over the fence,

Using our mindfulness practice,

Is there something there?

Is there something solid,

Independent there?

No,

Couldn't find it.

Feeling here,

Okay,

Feeling here,

And the feelings just the conditions that were coming together and changing,

Okay,

No problem.

But was there something there?

No,

Nothing there.

Feelings here,

Different changes,

You know,

Different conditions,

Changing,

Changing,

Changing.

And to keep looking,

Because as long as you are more interested in the separate self,

That's where your attention is going to go.

That's where you're going to keep going.

And you can,

It'll be very hard to stay present for very long.

It'll be very,

It would be hard.

It's more of,

I'm present,

I'm so present,

You know,

And we're not really present.

Because we're,

Presence is openness,

Is spaciousness,

It's being.

It's not something that can be held on to.

It's not something,

It's,

It's just how each moment is arising.

There's nothing to hold on to here.

There's nothing to hold on to.

Right?

That's what we're trying to see.

There's nothing to hold on to.

So you let go,

And you enjoy the ride of Chris,

Of Kathy,

Of Michelle,

Of Meredith,

Of Alice,

And Alice,

Thank you for the donation,

Of Firefly,

Of Sue.

But,

And I will just caution again,

Like,

Make sure that the practices aren't sitting in the desk drawer.

You're coming on the Dharma talks,

You're hopefully sitting for your meditation practice.

And then use the tools,

Because it's in those moments when we're so believing that we are this separate,

Independent me,

That that's when we question it,

And the teachings go from conceptual,

Intellectual,

Down into a place of knowing.

And that's when,

When there's more of a flowing with life,

Greater ease with life.

The peace that's always here doesn't mean we don't still experience challenges,

Of course,

You know,

Hot,

Cold,

Pleasure,

Pain,

Gain,

Loss,

Praise,

And blame.

This is the way we experience the world through opposites.

And we will get,

You know,

We will get each side of the ledger.

But all the self-created suffering,

And the self-created suffering that we add on around those things,

Gone.

Gone.

Yeah,

I think we'd all be pretty happy,

You know,

I think you'd be happy to let go of that.

But you only do it through seeing,

Through realizing.

Or I shouldn't say you only do it,

There's many paths,

Many paths.

The path here has been seeing,

The path here has been seeing.

And that's the path that I share.

That's the path that I share.

So thank you,

Michelle.

Thank you.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it.

And Chris,

And Kathy,

And Alice,

And Ruth,

And Jenny,

And Sue,

And Mari,

And let me go back here,

And Jeremy,

And I think,

And Libby,

And Maureen.

And that's as far as it's going to let me go back.

So thank you all so,

So much.

We'll meet again next Sunday.

And oh,

Thank you,

Ruth.

And just use your practices,

Use your practices,

Right?

Take them from that conceptual understanding down into a place of knowing.

Okay?

So thanks,

You guys.

Have a wonderful rest of your Sunday,

Wonderful rest of your Monday.

Thanks.

Oh,

Thanks,

Sue.

Thank you.

Thanks,

Chris.

And thanks,

Pam.

Oh,

Pamela.

Is this Pamela from Ireland?

Ah,

It is.

Oh,

Okay.

I'm glad that you're on here,

Pamela.

Glad you're here.

Yes.

Okay,

Good.

And thanks,

Heather.

Thank you so much.

All right.

So have a wonderful rest of your day.

We'll see you guys next week.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Reviews

Thankyou for this Sangha. I have much to learn about this separate self and trying to figure out what is Ego & what is not. I think the truth of what is comes from a place of peace which is a good start for me... I think 🤔 and then stop, breathe and start again. It's almost like a cycle and I need to be patient and trust the process. To unlearn what's learnt to learn.

Namaste 🙏
💛💚💙💜🩵🌷🌼🪻⚘️🌻

As with all things, this too shall pass. So very true.

So grateful for your talks. Very accessible and usable. Thank you for recording them and making them available to those of us who can’t be there in real time.
🙏🤍🪷