Weekly Sangha: Trust The Process, Worrying, Rejection

In this week's Sangha, we look at trusting the processing of awakening, letting go of the grasping of enlightenment, why we would see someone’s behavior as toxic and not them, overcoming the habit of worrying and being rejected.

Transcript

This is a sangha,

Spiritual gathering.

We all have a similar intention that brought us here,

Awakening,

Self-realization,

Enlightenment.

And that's a good desire to have,

Right?

It's a good desire for enlightenment or to wake up,

To be at peace.

And there's lots of things that we do on this path,

On a spiritual path,

Meditation,

Sangha meetings like this,

Learning the wisdom teachings,

Trying to understand the nature of reality,

How everything is impermanent,

Interconnected,

Interdependent,

How we are arising in each moment,

Interconnected,

Interdependent.

And that we're not our thoughts,

We're not this little ego that's always living in the past,

In the future,

And is always afraid and small and helpless in some way to learn to trust the present moment.

And it's a lot,

It's a lot,

Like it's a lot of… it's a completely new way of seeing ourselves in the world,

Different than how we have perceived it to be.

And yet,

As we follow spiritual paths or a spiritual path and we lay out the things to do,

There's no guarantee of when this is going to happen,

When you get just even the little insights that we get along the way,

Like,

They really are just… there's no planning for it,

There's no planning for it,

You can't make it happen.

You can do… you can set all of the conditions for it to happen,

And we do need to do that,

Barring having a sudden enlightenment like what happened to Eckhart Tolle.

But his enlightenment was an accident,

Or an accident,

Grace,

You know,

He didn't have any spiritual background in this.

And anyone would tell you on this path,

You can't plan for this,

You can't make this happen,

You can do all of the things that will,

Again,

Set the conditions.

But there does have to be,

Or it's helpful,

To make sure that in our… in the desire for awakening,

That we let go of the grasping of that too.

That we recognize,

We trust the process,

We have faith in the process,

And do the practices that lead us to greater peace,

To feeling… to being more compassionate,

To being kinder,

To being wiser,

Like to trust and also keep getting that evidence as we do these practices,

And we do become wiser and more compassionate.

But there is this… this… this letting go,

You know,

Of… of the grasping of enlightenment,

Or when is it going to happen?

Every time we do that,

It gets… we get further away from it.

And it really is,

It just comes,

You know,

It can be in your darkest moment,

Or,

You know,

In the darkness,

You are closest to the light,

Right,

Where we feel so far from the awakened state,

From that state of peace,

From that state of ease and connection and belonging.

And you just,

It can be one little thing,

Then all of a sudden,

It's just,

Oh my God,

How did I not see that?

How did I miss that?

And I think it is just really important for us to remember that you're… you're not controlling the awakening process.

And this is what we're trying to see,

Is that we're not controlling any of this.

But the more that you can let go of the awakening process,

Still trusting that there is a process,

That we're not going to wake up by being on social media all day,

Being on social media all day,

Going out and partying in bars,

Or,

You know,

Always,

You know,

Distracting ourselves,

Being busy,

Like,

You know,

Actually,

I should take that back.

Doesn't mean that someone couldn't wake up in those conditions.

But it is far more likely to wake up,

That you are more likely to wake up from the illusion,

To see that this is all an illusion of who you have taken yourself to be,

By dedicating and being disciplined about our meditation practice,

About being mindful,

Compassion practices,

Studying the teachings,

But then also understanding that there's a time and a place for the… for space and stillness,

Right?

There's the yin and the yang of our practice,

The yang of the action of the knowledge,

And then the yin of the stillness and the silence that we need in order to absorb the teachings,

And again,

To create the space.

And not just the silence in our meditation,

But really finding time throughout the day for silence,

For stillness,

Right?

Because those little moments too,

While we are present in those moments,

Right?

And we're here and now,

We are really,

There is so much happening in that stillness to create the wisdom that supports the waking up.

And so,

I just wanted to offer that as something to remind everyone,

Like,

And I know because we all go through rough times,

And I know on the last call,

Because we had a few people that had lost their pets,

And just others that are having struggles with family,

We're sick,

We've got COVID.

And it can sometimes feel like you're so far away from it.

It can feel like it sometimes when we're feeling a little bit down,

Or just things are going a little bit sideways,

Feels like they're going backwards.

And really,

In those moments to just,

Again,

Just surrender.

This is all happening.

It's all happening.

Trust the process.

Let go,

Because it always comes out of left field.

It always comes out,

Whether it's a deep insight,

An awakening moment,

Right?

We have lots of awakening moments,

Lots of those moments of satori.

And then eventually,

They start to become greater and greater,

We spend more and more time there,

Trusting it more and more,

Right?

Not getting so lost in the illusion.

But it's this surrender to all of this,

Which is such an integral part of being able to wake up.

And every time each of us has had an awakening,

Right?

Not that there is something here to awaken.

But there is an awakening in and a seeing of all of a sudden,

Oh,

I'm not that.

I'm not that what I've taken myself to be this whole time.

The picture just,

It's like,

Zoomed,

Everything just widens out.

And it's like,

Oh,

My God,

I just completely I was so focused this way.

I didn't even see what was going on.

I didn't see how I was arising in each moment.

And we can never plan for those moments.

They will never happen on your schedule.

It happens at the most unplanned moments,

You don't have to,

You know,

We always think I'm going on the retreat.

And this is the retreat that's going to do it.

I'm going to become enlightened on this retreat,

I'm going to wake up.

Right?

There's a lot of pressure to put ourselves on to go on a retreat.

And not to say that retreats don't do really good things for us and really,

And really set the groundwork.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

It's not to say people don't wake up in retreats either.

But it's,

It's a grasping mind,

We do have to have the desire for awakening.

But we want to have that desire in check.

To make sure we recognize,

Okay,

Trust the process,

Do it,

Do the practices,

Day in and day out,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Forgive yourself every time you have a little moment,

A mindless moment,

Something happens,

Lots of forgiveness along the way,

Right?

And just trust in the process.

That is part of our practice,

Trusting the process and surrendering,

Because it happens when you least expect it.

And when things are at their darkest moment,

You are at your closest moment to it.

Don't grasp at it,

Just trust that whatever it is that you're going through,

If you can surrender into it,

That surrendering can create the conditions that can be the condition,

The cause for either some deep insight,

Some awakening,

Some unveiling of reality to you.

So trusting the process,

Trusting the process,

Surrendering to it.

I'll just go back to some of the points here.

I'm glad to hear you're doing better,

Nancy.

Oh,

And you're going through a bad cold too,

Yes,

I'm with you.

So sorry for my voice.

I didn't just start smoking cigarettes in the last week.

I didn't just start smoking cigarettes in the last week.

I did that 20 years ago.

I gave up 20 years ago.

Okay,

So just want to check in with Rosa at the end.

Oh,

So this is the drive to Texas,

Okay.

Your nephew decided to go too,

So we shared the drive and kept each other company.

He's a big boy of 29,

I felt safe the whole time,

Worried for nothing.

So that,

So I hope this is okay sharing Rosa,

Because,

I mean,

You'd shared it last week on class.

But yeah,

You were,

You know,

Thinking,

Oh my gosh,

I've got this long drive ahead of me,

And oh,

And all this worry about it.

And then,

And then someone comes along with you.

But how many times have we worried for nothing?

Right,

We've got a dentist appointment or some appointment that we just are not looking forward to.

And then an hour beforehand,

It cancels.

And we're just,

And again,

We're so relieved.

Usually,

We don't think like,

Oh man,

Did I really need to worry about that?

Because if it's not happening,

Why worry about it?

If it's not happening,

Why worry about it?

And even when you're in the car,

Even when you're in the dental chair,

Right?

Be with what is,

It's far less painful keeping your mind in your body,

And it won't last.

So I'm really glad that your nephew is with you,

Rosa,

Super glad to hear that.

And a good lesson for you,

A good lesson.

The worry doesn't keep us any safer.

All it does is perpetuate fear and anxiety,

And the illusion that there's a little me up here that's already afraid of the drive.

And it's like,

Well,

I'm not driving anywhere right now.

I'm perfectly safe,

I'm okay.

And you're perfectly safe and okay in the car as well.

So again,

We've got to break this little habit of the worry.

Of the fear of living our lives in fear.

In the illusion,

Right?

The illusion of separateness.

So I'm glad to hear though,

That your nephew was there.

I'll just,

I'm going to go back in a minute,

But I'm just going to answer to see real quick.

It is easier said than done.

Yes,

It is absolutely easier said than done.

And I always say to people though,

It's easier said than done.

Yes,

It's easier to talk about coming out of our worries and our fears,

To come back into the present moment.

It's easier said.

There's more effort involved in coming out,

But it is far less painful far less painful,

Right?

Because the alternative is just staying lost in our fears and our worries.

And it's not just we do it once,

Right?

We always think,

Oh,

Well,

I'm just going to worry about this one little thing.

And then I'll get back to the present moment.

No,

It's how you do anything is how you do everything.

And anytime you give in to these thoughts of fears and worry,

Not to say that there's not a time and a place that maybe there is something you need to give your attention to,

That you do need to think about,

Right?

We're not saying that thinking is the enemy.

It's this,

This,

This constant repetitious thought stream of fear and worrying and worrying and,

And trying to control,

As you said,

See,

Trying to control that which we don't control.

We don't control anything.

We think we do.

We think,

You know,

That we're still even just controlling this one.

There's no,

There's nothing independent and solid about us that is in control.

It's just an arising of all of these just billions of different costs and conditions moving in one direction versus another.

And trusting that how that has been working for you so far has actually been pretty good.

Of course,

You've been there the whole time trying to imagine you're controlling it.

Up there in our little thoughts,

Oh,

If I could just control this,

All the fears,

All the worries,

All the what if scenarios,

Not controlling anything,

Not controlling anything.

Just creating more fear,

More,

More pain,

More suffering,

More illusion.

That I am this little me up here that's so frightened,

That this little me up here needs something over there in order to feel safe,

In order to feel whole.

There's absolutely nothing on the other side of this moment.

And there's absolutely nothing outside of me that could make me feel complete and whole.

Whatever it is that you get in the external world is a temporary feeling.

Enjoy it.

Enjoy the good conditions.

Don't turn them away.

But do not think that these things outside of you are going to complete you.

They cannot.

You are already complete.

And yet we are just living in this fear and worry and anxiety and greed and lust and desire for something outside to add on to me or something to push away some unpleasant thing as though that is somehow going to make us complete.

We are already complete.

We have all tried.

You've had the success,

You've had the high moments of life,

The new partner,

The new job,

The pay raise,

The new car,

The new holiday,

The new outfit,

Right?

I mean,

How excited we get over the new iPhone,

Right?

We get so excited.

Oh,

It's such a fleeting feeling.

And there's nothing wrong with it.

Enjoy the fleeting feeling of,

Enjoy it.

Yay,

Feels nice,

Right?

Something pleasant,

Enjoy it.

But understand,

It's just a pleasant temporary feeling.

Because on the other side of that,

You know,

It just kind of comes and goes.

And if you were putting all your hopes on feeling complete by that,

When it goes,

You're left with that empty feeling again.

What next?

Oh,

Maybe I needed the bigger,

The iPhone with the bigger memory.

Maybe I need,

You know,

What else?

Let me get on Amazon.

Let me get on,

Let me go shopping.

Let me,

You know,

Figure out what it is that I can get outside of me to feel good.

Let me get some validation.

Let me get some praise from someone so I can feel good about myself again.

Again,

Even that,

Nothing wrong with the praise,

But just fleeting,

It comes and it goes,

Right?

And it keeps us lost in the illusion that there is something here,

I'm pointing here,

Kind of the little thought created me,

The separate me,

The ego,

That somehow I could complete it and feel good.

The feeling of completeness is the absence of the thinking that there's a little me that needs something,

That there's a little me of the thinking that there's a little me that needs something.

That's what we're waking up to,

The illusion of separateness,

The illusion that somehow we are not connected,

That I am not arising dependent upon you right now.

That's an illusion because I am arising dependent upon you right now.

See,

Because of the question,

The comment you made back there,

You know,

Kind of spurring this on in a different direction.

I get,

We say like,

It does sound simple,

But the alternative is suffering,

Continued suffering.

And every time,

Every time we just feed into it a little bit,

Just this little thought over here,

I'm just going to fantasize for a few minutes about this,

About a new partner,

About how good it would feel if I got that new car or something.

Anytime you're bowing into that thought-created me,

You are perpetuating the illusion,

There is something here that is somehow incomplete,

And there is something outside of me that can complete me.

And then we just continue on the little,

You know,

Like the little,

You know,

In the mouse cage where they've got the little wheel that spins around,

Just spinning and spinning and spinning.

Right?

And it's just hop off,

Hop off,

Be here,

Start to trust the stillness and the silence,

The openness and the spaciousness that is there in the stillness and the silence,

The wisdom that is here,

There in the silence.

But we just,

You know,

We're there for a few minutes,

And it feels good.

And then we're like,

Oh,

But back to my thinking,

Back to my worrying,

Back to the illusion.

It requires effort,

And it just,

It requires a continuous begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again.

No judgment,

No beating ourselves up.

That just pulls us right back up into the illusion.

Just begin again,

A fresh start,

Breathe,

Know where you are here,

Look around,

And start trusting the sense of being okay.

We just so don't trust that sense of being okay.

We so do not trust it.

And so the more that we practice,

The more that we keep coming back to it and spending more time there,

Giving more evidence to see,

Okay,

I'm safe,

I'm okay,

Right?

The more that we do that,

Right,

The more time we spend there.

And again,

We are setting the conditions for that accident of enlightenment to happen,

The grace of enlightenment,

Of awakening.

Okay,

I'm just gonna,

I'm just gonna hop back,

Jim,

And I'm gonna get to yours,

Because I know I kind of skipped over some questions here,

Because I saw C's.

Yeah,

I saw your stuff there,

C.

I'm just reading your comments here,

Gary,

That you were struggling with crazy anxiety.

I don't know,

It was from a bunch of different negative events that happened in a short amount of time,

Or what I'm definitely making some positive steps towards feeling better.

I believe these difficulties are sent,

So I learned how to make it through these times.

I used not to think this way,

I used to be in doom,

But I'm thinking,

I'm learning actual lessons.

I just hope I can remember that I handled these tough times before.

And I remember you were going through a lot of anxiety several weeks back.

And so,

You know,

Always to remember,

Too,

When we experience difficult times,

And I think you were having difficulty with family members,

If I remember correctly,

Maybe work.

Everyone has challenges.

No one is without challenges in our lives.

Difficult people,

Difficult situations,

Feeling sick,

Or even just some people have a little bit,

You know,

Just there's some residual anxiety left over from something in our bodies.

So,

Everyone's facing something,

No one is without that.

And it is in those times where I think our greatest lessons can come from.

Because we so fight back on anything unpleasant,

Especially on spiritual path.

We get this idea in our head,

We get this idea in our heads that I'm more spiritual now,

And I should only experience good conditions.

And that's not reality.

I mean,

I think the reality is most of us do experience,

Relatively speaking,

For a lot of the people on the planet,

Really good conditions.

A lot of our suffering is just self-created suffering.

So,

You could even argue to say,

Yes,

We actually do experience a lot of pleasant conditions.

But we still,

Even then,

We get sick,

Or we hurt ourselves,

Our knee gets hurt,

We stub our toe,

Right?

We can't avoid the unpleasant parts of life,

But it's our pushing back on it,

Even with anxiety,

Right?

Anxiety or feeling depression,

Feeling sadness,

Feeling grief,

Where those emotions are very,

Very heavy,

Just to be with,

Okay,

This is what's arising.

It's not going to last.

It's not going to last.

I don't have to make any story out of this.

Oh,

What do they think about this?

Or just if you're feeling anxious,

Oh no,

I'm a spiritual person,

I shouldn't feel anxious,

Or I shouldn't have to deal with these situations.

In any way that we're pushing back,

We are making the suffering last longer.

In fact,

That's where we're creating the suffering,

Right,

In the pushing back,

Instead of just acknowledging,

Yeah,

This is what's going on.

You know,

It's the teaching of the two arrows.

The Buddha tells the story of someone,

You get hit with an arrow,

And that's the first arrow was life,

Right?

It's life on this planet.

Life on this planet.

People are difficult,

They're unkind.

I mean,

Most people are not,

But we all get the difficult,

Unkind person every now and then.

We get sick,

The body breaks down,

We lose someone.

That's first arrow.

Everyone gets this,

Right?

The second arrow is the one that we put in when we push back on it.

It's like,

We've already got the first arrow.

Why stick another arrow in our back?

We've already got the first arrow,

We don't have to push back on it,

It's just part of life.

To breathe and feel it,

Right?

To be kind to ourselves,

To be loving to ourselves in the present moment,

Right?

To be feeling and holding ourselves in a way that is loving and kind and supportive,

Right?

Using self-compassion when we're feeling down,

We're feeling anxious,

We're feeling sick,

Right?

Being very caring and gentle with ourselves in those moments because it's not going to last.

It's not going to last.

Everyone gets the first arrow,

Right?

They come and they go,

Those first arrows.

For most of us,

We don't actually even get that many arrows.

Our suffering is mostly just self-created suffering.

But to remember when we do get it,

Because we will get it,

Right?

We will get the first arrow at some point,

You know,

You might go a couple weeks without one and then it might just be you stubbed your toe.

Okay,

Time to care for the toe,

Put a bandaid on,

Right?

To look after it,

To not push back on it.

I think that's what's really important.

And then when we are okay with being with our anxiety,

Our sadness,

Our grief,

And as you were saying,

Gary,

Like,

You know,

You hope this has prepared you to deal with it again in the future.

If you don't fear the anxiety in this moment,

You won't fear the anxiety when it comes again.

But if we fear the anxiety in this moment,

We will fear the anxiety the next time that we're experiencing it.

It's just part of life,

Right?

And some of us have some anxiety that needs to get worked out,

Some kind of emotions in our body that need to get worked out.

It's like,

It's okay,

It's okay that you're here,

It's okay to feel,

It's okay to feel what we're feeling,

If it's anxiety or sadness or doubt or anything,

It's okay to feel,

Not to get lost in the story,

But to feel what's happening.

Right?

And to do it in a kind and loving and caring way.

And that way,

When these waves,

Because they do still come on,

I mean,

It's like they have,

It takes a while for these old habits to really work their way out.

And,

And so they will still keep coming on.

So like you get this wave of fear,

Wave of doubt,

Right?

Whatever.

We all have our own particular,

And I did see,

I think it was Jim,

I'm going to get to in a moment,

Like our triggers,

Like we all have our own kind of unique triggers,

More personal type triggers,

We'll call them.

And so the more that you can know them,

Like,

Oh,

I know,

I know doubt comes on around this time on this day or so,

Like,

Because for some of us,

It can be a particular time of day,

Where we feel it more than others.

Some of it,

As soon as you get into bed and the lights go out,

Been busy all day and doing things and,

And all of a sudden,

You're left kind of there alone,

Exposed to your own thoughts,

Believing them,

Right?

And it's good to know like,

Ah,

Yeah,

When I get to bed,

That's when the doubt likes to come in.

Okay,

I know I'm going to expect you tonight doubt,

Right?

So when you see it and you go,

And you guys,

Some of you know,

Because I give the teaching about Mara,

Like,

I see you Mara.

Okay,

Here you are,

Let's breathe.

Let's be with the fear.

Be with it.

Be with the anxiety,

Breathe and feel it,

Be curious about it in this moment.

That lessens it,

Right?

Doesn't make it disappear,

But it definitely lessens it.

And the more that you can be with it coming,

You know,

Allowing it to be here feeling it.

It's just energy,

Unpleasant energy,

Maybe tense,

Maybe,

You know,

A heavy pressure.

But it's just energy.

And you don't fear it so much when you see it more clearly what it is.

The fear is usually because it's coming in with a thought.

But the absence of the thought,

You're coming in and just feeling in the body.

Being with what's here,

Accepting what's here.

This is what we did in the meditation,

Right?

Accepting whatever it is that's here in this moment.

Because that's your experience.

That's who you are.

Let's not deny like,

We go,

Oh,

Anxiety is how you're arising in this moment,

Or stress is how you're arising this moment.

We go,

I shouldn't be feeling this.

Like we are literally,

Like,

I shouldn't have a mouth,

I shouldn't have a hand in this moment.

It's literally like that we are pushing back on us.

And it's like,

Oh,

Okay,

Some anxiety is here.

Some stress is here.

Okay,

Let me be with it.

Let me feel it.

Use self-compassion.

I know I always say this,

Because I think self-compassion is one of the best practices in the world for us.

Just,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

It's a little tough.

You can be with this,

Feel this,

Breathe into this.

It's okay to feel this,

Right?

And be with it.

And like,

Oh,

Okay.

And then when those waves come,

When they come in other times,

It's like,

Oh,

Here it is.

I feel,

Oh,

It's coming.

But so many times I've not only looked directly at it,

I have welcomed it.

And I don't fear it so much anymore.

It doesn't wipe me out.

It's not a tsunami that I think it is in my mind.

It's like a three-footer wave,

Right?

Ah,

I can bear that.

And the more that I breathe into it,

And the wave kind of rises and falls and rises and falls.

And again,

Not doing this to make it go away.

But it does naturally on its own,

Just become a little bit softer,

Less intense,

Let's even say,

Just less intense.

And it's like,

Oh,

I was nearly swept away.

Now it's just some,

A little bit of the residual tension is left over,

A little bit of tightness,

A little bit of a pit in this.

Okay,

I can feel that.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Because all of our emotions,

Our thoughts,

Our feelings,

They all just come and go.

But they come and we go,

Ah,

I can't feel this.

You know,

Taking,

You know,

A wave and just making it bigger and bigger,

Like as we're pushing back,

I can't feel this.

I can't feel this.

And it becomes heavier and heavier and bigger and bigger in our minds,

Crushing us because of the way we're relating to it.

So it's okay to feel anxiety.

It's okay to feel stress.

It's okay to feel sadness.

It's okay if you feel jealousy,

Don't beat yourself up because you feel jealousy,

Right?

Feel it,

Be with it,

Right?

Even those,

We kind of think,

Oh no,

Not those emotions,

Right?

Feel it,

Be with it.

It's okay.

Be with it in a loving and kind way so that your fears,

Your emotions,

Your worries don't,

Um,

So that you stop fearing them.

Stop fearing fear.

Ah,

Here it is.

I know what to do.

And every time you face it head on,

Come into the experience with it in a skillful and a wise and a compassionate way,

You lessen the fear,

Even of fear.

Okay.

And I'm very glad to hear,

Gary,

That you're,

Um,

That you're doing better,

But be vigilant,

Be,

Be wise.

They'll come back.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Okay.

I'm gonna try and just go back here.

Oh,

From Karen.

Yes.

Surrender to the moment.

Yeah.

From Nancy.

Yeah.

I used to overthink all the time.

So glad you,

Overthinking is not a good thing.

Not a good thing at all.

Not a good thing at all.

Oh,

Well,

I hope you guys are having a great time in Texas,

Rosa.

Oh,

See,

So I'm glad you,

I hope you liked the talk on forgiveness.

Yeah.

And Jeff,

You're exactly right.

That's why we need to stay.

It's a practice.

This is a practice,

Right?

And it's just,

We keep,

We fall off,

Get back on,

We fall off,

We get back on,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again,

1 million,

2 billion,

5 trillion times,

Begin again.

Every time you recognize,

You know,

Oh,

I got a little lost there.

I was pushing back on it.

Okay.

That's okay.

It's the,

It's seeing it and acknowledging,

Ah,

Okay,

That's what was happening.

Okay.

So begin again.

I've been fighting this.

You know,

Maybe you were fighting the anxiety for the last three hours.

Okay.

So don't,

Don't beat yourself up for the next three hours because you were fighting it.

Just,

Ah,

I recognize I'm fighting it.

Okay.

Sweetheart,

This is tough.

Let's be with this,

Right?

Pet ourselves,

Be kind,

Breathe.

And you can talk yourself through it,

Right?

As you're going through it,

Like self-compassion,

Talking to yourself kindly.

Okay,

Sweetheart,

We can breathe.

We can feel this.

We're back.

Does not matter that we spent three hours resisting it.

Does not matter.

That's,

That's the past.

We're back.

Begin again.

Begin again.

Begin again.

It's a practice.

Thanks for sharing that,

Jeff.

And yes,

Karen,

Less painful than thinking.

And I just want to go back,

Sorry,

Because I wanted to see,

Oh,

From C again,

Can we overcome worrying with trusting,

Trusting that all will work out and surrender?

Um,

Yeah,

I mean,

It's,

We have this idea in our heads that somehow all of my worrying is making sure everything is turning out okay.

Because even though you might be creating a lot of suffering for yourself and a lot of anxiety and a lot of fear,

You know,

All of these worst fears that you have don't seem to come true.

And there's this idea that somehow you worked it all out in your head,

That somehow that there's correlation because there's correlation there,

There's causation there.

And so taking our attention off of the worrying to,

To,

To really know the worrying is,

The worrying is creating all of the what if scenarios that are not happening.

You're not,

You're not putting out fires.

You're creating imaginary fires in your head and then having to create imaginary solutions to those imaginary fires in your head to again,

Appease a little imaginary me that will only feel satisfied for a moment before you go back and repeat the whole process again and again and again.

The worrying is a big part of what keeps us lost in the illusion because you know,

The what if,

But what if it did happen?

But what if it did?

But what if it did?

That would be really bad.

So it kind of hooks us in,

The ego always coming in disguised as good advice,

Worrying a really good way to get our attention thinking it's good advice.

And it's that practice then of just seeing that if you know that you are a worrier,

And we are going to talk about the worrier in a couple of weeks on Sunday,

By the way,

Because for those of you that are doing the Sunday sangha here on insight timer,

We're going through the different characters of the ego.

This Sunday,

We're looking at the controller,

But we are going to get to the worrier because I mean,

The worrier,

It just creates fears out of nothing,

Right?

That's its,

That's its superpower,

Creates problems that aren't happening,

Just,

Just constantly going through and if you know you're a worrier,

Be mindful of the worrying.

If you know that's kind of where your mind tends to go to,

Being very mindful of the worrying that when it arises,

Okay,

Pull yourself out.

Well,

Sweetheart,

This is tough,

The worrying is compelling,

It's very compelling,

I know,

Just breathe,

Let's come back into the present moment.

And then what I would suggest,

If you really,

You're really struggling with it,

Grab a pen and paper,

And write out your worries,

Right?

Because your thoughts,

I mean,

We can think at a rate,

I mean,

It's anywhere like 300 to 1000 words per minute,

That's a lot of thinking.

I've timed myself once,

I want to say I can write at about 24 words a minute.

If you,

So when you,

So when your thoughts are that fast,

And they're going that fast,

And they're that speed of them,

And all of the crash scenarios,

Right,

Gets us all,

All agitated.

And so lost in the dream that we just can't pull ourselves out,

Because it's one accident after another,

After another,

After another.

But when you can pull yourself out,

Use a little self compassion,

Breathe,

Bring yourself,

Ground yourself back here in the present moment.

And then write out,

What are the things that I'm worried about?

Because you can only write maybe 20 to 30 words per minute,

You start to get a little bit more clarity,

You start to see things a little bit more clearly,

And you go,

Well,

Okay,

That's a little crazy,

I'm not going to die,

If this happens,

Or right,

Because all of our thoughts in the end are,

It's always like if you did something wrong at work,

Or not even you just perceive your boss is upset with you.

In your mind,

Your brain,

Your amygdala is freaking out,

Right?

It starts the initiation of the stress response,

Because your brain's thinking,

My God,

We're going to be homeless,

You're gonna lose your job,

You're not gonna have any money,

You're not gonna have a place to live,

You're going to be homeless,

Like literally,

That is,

That is the fear that you're feeling.

Oh,

My God,

This person doesn't like me.

Nobody must like me,

I'm going to get kicked out of the tribe.

And oh,

My God,

I'm going to be homeless,

I'm going to die.

Like that is literally what our thoughts are going to.

And so,

If we sit down and write out our thoughts,

Our worries,

Okay,

Let me just write down,

And be a little clearer as you write them down,

Right?

Okay,

Is this really true?

Is this likely to happen?

Right?

Right?

Or even,

You know,

Just to write them down as a way to also kind of bring you into a state of just,

Oh,

My God,

Yeah,

You know,

They don't look as crazy,

Or sorry,

You know,

They don't look as crazy,

Or sorry,

The crazy ones won't make it to the paper.

But there might be something on there that you go,

But you know what,

There is something I want to do.

Okay.

And if there's something to do,

Go do it.

Right?

If there's something to do,

But do it from the present moment,

Not from a place of fear,

But an acknowledging,

Yeah,

Okay,

Maybe I do need to do something.

Maybe I do need to go apologize to that person.

Maybe I do need to go talk with my boss about this.

Maybe I do need to go look at my finances,

Because I did get a big bill,

And I need to figure out how I'm going to pay this bill.

Okay,

If there's something that needs to be done,

We're not saying take your eyes off of everything.

But we get so lost in all of the scary thoughts,

All the what if scenarios,

All the fears,

All of those worries,

We're useless at that point.

In fact,

We end up getting,

You know,

Almost just falling into paralysis,

Because we're so overwhelmed of all the scary scenarios,

We don't need,

We miss that there might actually be something valid there to do.

So I would suggest self-compassion,

Breathe,

Bring yourself back,

Write them out.

Right?

That's a really helpful way,

Write it out.

And just as you're looking at it on paper,

Then,

Right,

Not with the thoughts spinning around super fast in your head.

But as you're looking at it,

Like,

Is that true?

How likely is that?

And then on the other side of it,

Use this as a journal.

If you're a big worrier,

Use this as a journal to go back and go and check off how many things never even came close to happening.

Right?

Never even came close.

Worrying just leads to more worrying.

And we're missing our lives every time we're lost in our worries.

And we're not trusting ourselves that we can make really good decisions in the present moment.

Right?

That if we're present,

Right,

Those being the causes and conditions of being present,

More wise choicing,

Decisioning,

Brain processing,

If I'm not in the fight or flight,

The brain processing that's happening here tends to be more in my favor.

So really,

You know,

Start with little things,

Like little things too,

Like,

Okay,

I'm just going to let that go,

I'm just going to let that go.

I'm going to come back to the present moment,

I'm going to trust that I'm okay in this moment.

But again,

Go through the writing exercise.

If there is something to do,

Then there's something to do.

Okay,

Good,

Then go do it.

But we're going to dive deep into the worrier in a couple of weeks.

Oh,

Or draw a picture of it.

Yes,

That's great.

Kim,

Yeah,

Draw a picture.

That actually is probably really,

Really helpful to see an image of it like that.

Okay,

I'm going to go back.

Sorry,

Because I know we've had a bunch of comments on here.

Oh,

Thank you,

B.

And C just okay,

I'm going to come back to you again.

Sorry.

Because everything you're saying here,

Every one of us can relate to you.

Being rejected,

Feeling rejected,

Being rejected is very,

Very painful.

Every one of us feels the pain when it's happening.

If we are really genuinely being rejected in that moment,

It hurts.

And I am in no way suggesting that we gloss over feeling rejected,

Feeling the pain of being excluded,

Of being ignored,

Of being rejected.

Absolutely not suggesting that.

Self-compassion,

Sweetheart,

This hurts.

This is really painful.

And keep breathing into it and feeling it,

Right?

Because again,

We just,

We've got to bring ourselves into the experience of it in a kind and loving way,

Not in a way that terrorizes us.

And that imagines because one person rejected me,

That must mean everyone's going to reject me.

And that must mean my life is over because that is not the truth.

But we all get rejected from time to time.

It sucks.

Let's be clear.

It sucks being rejected.

But every one of us experiences it,

Not every day,

Fortunately.

But we all do experience it from time to time.

And we have got to be super kind and loving and be with that experience too.

Pet yourself,

Sweetheart,

This is tough.

This hurts,

Right?

Bring yourself into the experience,

Feeling it,

Breathing it,

You know,

Breathing into it,

Your hands on your heart.

It's okay,

Sweetheart.

I love you.

You're okay.

Let's just be with this.

This hurts,

Right?

So again,

That you allow that initial shock of the rejection to kind of taper down a bit,

Right?

Because it is a shock.

We're not expecting to be rejected.

And it is a shock.

It's a big shift in our neurochemistry.

With death,

It's like a big actually pull of the dopamine.

Like,

It feels like a punch in the gut.

We feel threatened.

We feel as though our very existence is being threatened.

So we want to be with that feeling.

Breathe into it,

Talk kindly to ourselves.

Just keep breathing.

10 breaths.

I always think 10 breaths is a good rule of thumb.

Just to feel it.

I'm just going to trust what Meredith said here for 10 breaths,

And then you can go back up to panicking if you want.

And take those 10 breaths,

Petting yourself,

Telling yourself,

It's okay to feel this,

It's okay to feel this.

Even in another good self-compassion practice,

You know,

Just like me,

Millions of people around the world right now are feeling rejected.

Because the reality is,

In this moment,

Millions of people around the world are feeling rejected.

It's a normal human experience.

And our thoughts,

Our ego thoughts,

The little me,

The separate self,

Try and make us feel like we are the only person in the world being rejected,

And that there is something fundamentally wrong with us,

Making us feel even more helpless,

More like a victim,

More badly about ourselves.

And so when we even just say,

Just like me,

Millions of people around the world right now are feeling rejected,

Are now doubting themselves,

Right?

To remember this is a normal human experience,

To come in and feel it.

And so that it just comes down enough where it's like,

Oh,

And so that it just comes down enough where it's like,

Oh,

Phew,

Okay,

I'm still not thrilled about it.

I'm not just gonna,

After 10 breaths,

Go,

Oh,

Okay,

Done with that,

Carry on,

Right?

It still hurts,

But it's manageable.

And when the waves come on,

And that fear comes back again,

Oh no,

And you remember you were rejected,

It's like,

It's okay,

You can feel this,

You keep bringing it back.

Our practice is to be able to be with our feelings,

Whatever they are,

Whatever is arising.

If it's rejection,

If it's criticism,

If it's doubt,

If it's sadness,

If it's anxiety,

If it's stress,

If it's fear,

If it's anger,

If it's jealousy,

If it's envy,

Whatever it is,

Is to be with it and feel it.

Because it's our thoughts that are making the story seem so,

Oh my God,

And the little me up here that's rejected,

Right?

But when we come in and we feel it,

The little me that was so hurt and despondent up here is gone.

Now,

Yes,

There is still something here that is arising in this moment as feeling something unpleasant,

The experience of rejection.

Not solid,

Not independent,

But that's what's arising in this moment.

The whirlpool is arising as that in this moment.

But the more that you breathe and you're with it and you're kind and you're comforting and you're reminding yourself just like me,

Millions of people,

The whirlpool starts just to lose some of its energy,

Some of its power,

Right?

And so,

You know,

We want to kind of get back into that flow again.

There's still a little bit there or the Eddie or,

You know,

There's still a little bit of it there,

But it's like,

It's okay,

It's okay,

I can feel this,

I can feel this,

This is normal,

This is normal human experience.

And again,

There may be something to do,

But we don't want to do it from a place of fear,

From a place of separation,

Right?

There may be something to do,

There may not be something to do,

But even if there is something to do and we feel like I probably need to go and speak with that person or maybe I need to go and apologize something,

We don't want to do it from a place of I need you to make the little me feel better because it can't handle the fact that it's been rejected because what if they don't accept my apology?

Or what if it's a situation I can't fix?

We want to make sure that if there is something to do,

We're not doing it from this place of,

Oh my God,

Please help me to feel okay again.

You can make yourself feel okay again because you are already whole and complete.

So using our practice for us to be okay and then to have wisdom and compassion to say,

Okay,

I might need to go do something,

I might need to go clean something up,

I might,

But I can't control the outcome.

So I'm not doing this based on I can't stand this little image of me that's rejected and I need someone else to somehow fix it for me.

Because if that's the case,

Then it's always going to be someone outside of us to fix us,

To make us feel whole and we don't want that.

Okay,

I'm going to go back and just try and grab a couple more here.

Yeah,

And Jim,

We touched on that about identifying the triggers.

So that's super helpful.

I also have a class on this and it's on Insight Timer.

Identifying your top 10 playlist of your most recurring thoughts.

We all have a top 10 playlist.

Oh,

Thank you,

Kim.

Yeah,

Thank you.

Okay,

I'm going to go to,

Hang on.

Sorry,

I'm having to scroll back here.

Yeah,

And triggers are treasures in that they show us,

Oh,

I'm looking outwards again,

My problem's out there.

It's never out there,

It's here.

It's how I'm relating to it.

Okay,

Robert,

I just want to address this.

I'm feeling sad that a girl doesn't want to see me anymore.

I feel detachment,

Anxiety.

I may not be hitting on this exactly,

But I'll kind of add this in because I think this can also add into,

I think Kim's,

I think it was Kim or C's point on rejection or C.

If we've been rejected by someone or,

Well,

Yeah,

If we've been rejected by someone,

We want to make sure,

And this might just be a language that you and I are using some different language here.

We want to make sure that it does not turn like in our way to heal ourselves or protect ourselves.

That A,

It can turn into hatred towards the other person,

Judgment of the other person.

We definitely don't want that.

We don't want indifference either.

Oh,

You know,

You don't like me,

I don't like you.

Not I don't hate you,

But kind of in this just,

Well,

I don't care about you either.

And that's what the ego does to protect itself.

And a lot of people are walking around with the ego trying to protect us that maybe we were hurt when we were young,

We were rejected.

And in so many ways,

Like,

Well,

I'll hurt you first,

Or I'll push you away first as a way to protect myself,

Or just being indifferent to other people,

Or just,

I think you're saying like kind of detached,

Because there is no wisdom and there is no compassion in that.

So we've got to be really,

Really careful,

Even a difficult person,

A challenging person,

Or someone who's rejected us,

Anything along those lines,

To be really careful that we don't,

I'm going to back this up,

Depending upon what the person has done.

Now,

First of all,

We don't ever really want to be practicing this.

But there are times when someone has hurt us so badly,

Where it's so painful.

And even in that situation,

What I would say is the third line from the Buddhist forgiveness prayer,

For anything I'm not yet ready to forgive,

I forgive myself for that,

Right?

To just keep saying,

For anything I'm not yet ready to forgive,

I forgive myself for that.

Right?

So still,

In a way,

Opening our hearts,

Right?

Not in a way,

But actually opening our hearts.

But if it's not something that someone that's been incredibly painful,

Incredibly harmful,

And I would still say this works,

This still applies,

But you have to know where you are in your practice,

Whether you can do this or not,

Is to hold that person in your heart.

And what I do,

And I've shared this before,

Is practice,

And I do this at the end of every meditation,

Is I practice a little bit of tonglen meditation for anyone that I'm having a challenge with,

For anyone that has hurt me.

There's not many people,

But there's a couple people.

And I shared this a couple weeks ago,

But I'll just say this again,

For that one woman that I talked about last year that sent me that really,

Really horrible,

Horrible text,

Was so cruel to me.

It was really vicious,

Only because I didn't respond quickly enough.

It was so out of line.

And I've shared this,

And I said every day at the end of my meditation,

Every meditation,

She is one of a couple people,

And I imagine taking on her suffering,

Because no one responds like that who's not suffering.

And I imagine sending back healing light.

And I have not once thought a thought of ill will or anger towards her,

Because it's very clear she's suffering.

And I did share this the other week,

But I saw her the other week for the first time in a year.

And because I've held her in my heart every single day,

A couple times a day,

When I saw her,

I just waved.

And she came over and gave me a hug.

I think she completely forgot what her response,

What she had,

I think she really does have some issues.

Now,

Even if she hadn't done that,

Come over and given me a hug.

And for my part,

It was very genuine,

Because I've held her in my heart.

I know she's suffering.

I know she's suffering.

I know she's in pain.

Even the hurtful words that she said to me,

I know she's suffering.

And I know what suffering is,

And it sucks.

And so it was very genuine.

You know,

For my part,

It was genuine.

It wasn't fake.

It wasn't just,

Oh,

Okay,

Well,

Now we're,

You know,

Again,

I'm not going to,

I'm not going to reach out to her.

I blocked her after that.

I wouldn't,

I wouldn't go,

You know,

I wouldn't spend any time really with her.

Right.

But I hold her in my heart,

And I still hold her in my heart.

And I think that's an important practice.

And you may not be there yet.

Robert may just still be in the healing yourself stage,

Right?

Just getting over the rejection,

Because it hurts,

It does hurt.

And just like you,

Millions of people have been rejected by a woman or by a man,

By someone that they,

They wanted to have a relationship with,

A friendship,

A romantic relationship.

You are not alone.

And so healing yourself.

And then I'll just offer that to you to have out there when you feel ready.

At the end of your meditation,

It's a great place to do it,

When you're already feeling very centered and calm.

And you just take a couple minutes and you just imagine if you're not familiar with Tonglen,

And I can see Karen's asking.

Yeah.

Oh,

And thank you,

Miles,

For answering her,

Miles,

For answering.

Yeah,

Tonglen meditation,

Which is a beautiful compassion practice.

I have a couple of talks on my insight timer page on this and a meditation.

It is a beautiful practice to just,

You know,

We just imagine at the end and at the end of my meditation,

Just taking in their suffering,

Sending back healing light,

Taking in her anger,

Her bitterness,

Sending back healing,

Loving light.

Right.

And that just takes a couple of minutes.

And I do find it's a practice.

I just,

I love it.

And that's why I think I just have,

It became part of my,

Part of my meditation,

No matter what,

Unless I'm doing Tonglen meditation,

That I don't end with it.

But just to end in that way is such a good way to just hold the people,

Even those that have hurt us,

Even those that have toxic behavior,

Not toxic people,

They're not toxic people,

But people have toxic behavior based on their causes and conditions.

And it's really important for us to be able to hold them in their hearts.

That is our practice.

That is our practice.

Because if we can only hold people in our hearts that are kind to us,

That say nice things to us,

That do what we ask them to do,

Then there is no wisdom in there,

Right?

There's no wisdom or compassion because of course,

Wisdom and compassion are really born of each other,

Right?

It's about even loving,

Not necessarily liking.

I make this distinction,

Not necessarily liking everybody,

But loving them because you understand even those that have hurt me are suffering,

Are suffering.

So Robert,

I know it hurts.

I know it hurts.

And my heart goes out to you for that because,

And for Kay or Kim who mentioned it back there,

I know just rejection hurts.

We've all experienced it.

Every one of us has experienced rejection.

It hurts.

Be kind to yourself,

Be with it,

Breathe into it,

Comfort yourself.

And just when you feel ready,

Start to bring on this behavior and maybe in fact,

What you could do,

And I would really recommend to everyone,

Do this at the end of your meditation.

Don't have to do it with the most difficult person,

The person that's just rejected you or caused some harm,

But just some people that just maybe,

You know,

The potential is there,

Right?

Just start practicing holding,

You know,

At the end,

You just have one or two people,

Three people,

And you imagine taking on their suffering and sending back healing white light.

It is an incredibly transformative practice.

And I got to tell you,

When you can hold someone in your heart that has harmed you,

You are free.

You are free.

Okay,

I am going to just go on this Angus and I know I've left a whole bunch in the middle here,

Which I might just have to say,

Well,

Let me just answer this and we'll see,

I'll keep going here.

Hang on one second.

So toxic behavior versus toxic people.

If someone is treating you poorly,

It is a behavior.

It's something that's happening in that moment.

They themselves,

You know,

They might be treating you poorly in one moment,

And then later going out and,

You know,

They might be treating you poorly in one moment,

And then later going out and feeding all the homeless cats or dogs or doing something really kind.

In fact,

I mean,

Often there is that contrast with people that you go,

Oh,

Man,

I wouldn't have expected that they did that because their behavior is so unkind over in this other area of their life.

So when we label someone as toxic,

Assuming that they're one thing,

Uh,

We are forgetting that everyone is multifaceted.

The moment you think someone is one thing or you think that you are one thing,

You are lost in the illusion of separateness because none of us is one thing.

We are many things just arising based on what the causes and conditions are in that moment.

And while I get some people seem to have a lot of consistency with the toxic behavior,

Um,

They are the result of their causes and conditions.

If you had the same causes and conditions,

That behavior would be yours.

Now,

Of course,

They are,

Everyone also,

Uh,

Reaps the consequences of their actions.

So I'm not denying that they don't face the consequences of their actions.

And the consequences might be if someone's being unkind.

Like I said with this woman,

I blocked her after that.

Of course,

I'm not going to allow someone to treat me poorly,

Completely,

You know,

In this situation,

It really was completely unjustified.

Like I'm not going to,

I'm not going to turn into a doormat and just let someone take a,

You know,

Just do that.

That there's no wisdom in that.

There's no compassion in that.

So it doesn't mean that we don't set boundaries,

That we don't,

Um,

Minimize someone that we see in our lives.

We stop reaching out to them.

Um,

It doesn't mean that there's not consequences,

But it is a behavior.

When we all have a tough moment,

A moment where we're acting poorly,

Right?

It's because of the conditions that are arising in that moment.

Maybe we've been under a lot of stress.

Uh,

Someone that we love is hurt.

We've just been rejected,

Right?

All of these different conditions arising.

That is what's the behavior is coming out of.

All of those conditions.

It's not that there's someone independent inside that's decided,

I'm going to be a jerk.

It's the conditions that someone is under.

When we look in,

In the States,

For example,

Like South Central LA,

You know,

A lot of gang members there.

If you were born in South Central LA,

Maybe had a single mom that wasn't around much,

Um,

Or maybe she was struggling on drugs or something along those lines,

The odds of you the odds of you going into a gang are so incredibly high.

That's causes and conditions.

Now,

Yes,

Every now and then someone makes it out,

Right?

Because someone was kind to them.

Their,

Their parent,

Even though they were working two jobs,

They were there for them and made them go to school and study and love them and,

Or a teacher or a mentor or something,

Right?

That condition to kind of help them get out.

But we are the result of our causes and conditions.

Behavior is toxic.

When we start calling people toxic,

We're labeling them as one thing and we are not seeing reality.

We are just as much in the illusion.

Maybe we're not hurting people to the same degree,

But we are still in that illusion.

People that have been hurt,

Who are suffering,

Most often hurt other people.

When you are feeling your best,

You're in love,

You're present.

You just got a job promotion.

Everything's going your way.

Everything feels good.

You wouldn't hurt a soul.

But when you're feeling down and you're stressed and you were just rejected,

Your boss is unhappy with you.

You've got aches and pains.

You've got bills.

You don't know how you're going to get them paid.

It can be something as simple as the burrito.

It can be something as simple as the barista getting your coffee order wrong that causes you to flip out,

The plane late.

When we see all these people having meltdowns or hear about it,

It's usually whatever it was that just happened.

That was the final straw that broke the camel's back.

And most people are walking around because they're lost in their suffering,

Because they're lost in their thoughts,

Because they're lost in this little me up here that holds onto every transgression,

Every bit of rejection,

Every criticism that is so believing their happiness is based in the external world and everything's going against them.

If that's how you're walking around,

You're causing pain to other people,

But because you are suffering,

It doesn't mean that there's not consequences.

It doesn't mean that.

But we don't want to hate other people.

Think about what that does to us.

If you're hating someone,

What do you think that's doing to your heart?

It's closing it up.

We're trying to see past the delusion,

To understand,

Oh,

I've got to get out of this situation.

This isn't safe.

This isn't a healthy relationship.

I need to block this person,

But they are suffering.

I don't know what their causes and conditions are,

But I sure as heck know that they've got some really tough ones,

And they're not handling it well.

I mean,

This is where the Dalai Lama,

All the Tibetan monks that have gone through excruciating torture and pain that were in the prisons when China went into Tibet,

You know,

Where they are a great example.

Don't hold on to resentment.

Don't hold on to anger.

I've told the story of the one monk that after getting out of the Chinese prison,

And he went to Dharamsala where the Dalai Lama was,

And the Dalai Lama asked him,

He said,

What was your greatest fear?

Being in that prison for all those years,

Tortured daily,

What was your greatest fear?

And the monk said,

My greatest fear is that I would lose my compassion for my captors.

That was his greatest fear,

Being tortured.

He did not see them as torturers.

He saw them as people living that had bad causes and conditions.

And for that,

He kept his heart open,

And he remained wise.

He didn't come out bitter,

Because taking on the bitterness and the anger towards others does nothing to help the world become a kinder,

More loving place.

Okay,

I'm going to do one or two more,

And then I think we are going to have to end this here.

Yeah,

Yeah,

From Don Miguel Ruiz,

The Four Agreements.

Yeah,

Don't take anything personally.

It's challenging.

It is challenging,

But what I would suggest,

Angus,

Read the book Tattoos on the Heart by Father Gregory Boyle.

There's a lot of Christianity in there,

So I hope that doesn't offend you.

There's a lot of wisdom.

You don't have to get lost in the religion to find the wisdom,

Because he walks the walk when it comes to compassion and works with gang members in LA.

And this is a massive part of our practice.

Such a big part.

If we can't see others arising based on their causes and conditions,

We cannot see us arising based on our causes and conditions.

And if we do not see how we and others are arising,

Then we are lost in the illusion.

So I'd also recommend,

This is where it can be really helpful doing Tonglen practice,

Compassion practices.

Really,

Really helpful.

So the book is called,

I think it's okay for,

Yes,

Tattoos on the Heart.

Angus,

Just put it up there.

Yeah,

Anna's just saying,

I wonder how many other people are experiencing worries that are real and out of their hands,

Not all worries eventuate.

95% of our worries never come true.

Never come true.

Never.

And of the ones that do happen,

Even our worst fears when they come true,

Always we handle it far better than we imagined we would.

Most people are walking around worried,

Frightened,

Because if you live in the illusion of separateness,

There is always a constant belief that something's just not quite right.

Even when things are going well,

If you're imagining your little me getting all the praise,

Getting what it wants,

There's still that little fear,

But what if it doesn't last?

And then what's the next shoe that's going to drop?

If you are living in separateness,

Believing that you are something that you are not,

Then worries is a part of life.

There's always this worry.

Oh,

What about this?

What about that?

You can spend your whole life worrying and not living.

It doesn't stop the people that we love,

You know,

Getting unhealthy,

Dying,

Or getting sick.

It doesn't stop people leaving us.

It doesn't stop the aches and pains,

Getting the big bill,

Getting the criticism.

It doesn't stop.

The worrying doesn't stop any of that.

All of that is a normal part of life,

Right?

It's for us to come out of the dream of a life it's for us to come out of the dream of illusion to trust we're okay.

We're okay.

To keep coming back into the present moment,

Look around,

Ground yourself here,

And ask yourself,

And I often do this as a teaching,

Ask yourself,

Is this moment okay?

Like really ask yourself,

Is this moment okay?

And if you really think like,

It's just this moment,

I'm not asking if in 10 minutes,

Is this moment okay?

Yeah,

This moment's okay.

It may not be pleasant.

You might be on a long flight and you go,

Well,

It's not pleasant,

But it's okay.

I'm safe.

I'm okay.

Right?

We've got to keep pulling ourselves out of the dream because in the dream,

In the illusion,

There's always because in the dream,

In the illusion,

There's always something in the back of our mind like,

Something's just not quite right.

And we send the little thoughts out.

Oh,

What can I find?

Oh,

Yeah.

I forgot about that criticism last week.

I should start thinking about that again.

Oh,

I forgot about that argument I had with someone last year.

I should start thinking about that again.

It's not happening.

It's not happening.

It's not real.

Right?

But a certain amount,

We're all going to get a certain amount of criticism,

Right?

If you're getting criticized every day,

You need to find a good friend and say,

Tell me,

What am I doing?

I'm not doing something right.

If everyone is criticizing us every day,

Something's,

You know,

We need to pay attention to that.

If everyone has rejected us,

We need to find someone to say,

Tell me,

What am I doing?

I need to work.

I need to do something differently.

But for the little bits that we all get here and there,

You got to take it as you roll with it.

A lot of the time,

Well,

It's so hard to hear this.

It never is personal.

It really never has anything to do with us.

Right?

I know it feels that way.

But even conventionally speaking,

Let's say that it has something to do with us,

Even then,

It still almost never has something to do with us.

It's a misunderstanding,

Miscommunication,

Misinterpretation,

Right?

Trust where you feel your best in this moment.

That you are complete in this moment.

You notice yourself getting a little anxious,

A little bit nervous about something.

Come back,

Breathe,

Bring the mind back into the body,

Like you did Rosa.

Bring your mind back,

Breathe,

Ground yourself.

Okay,

Maybe you're going into a social setting and there's a little bit of nervousness about socializing.

All right.

Notice them,

Okay,

Worrying about it,

Creating what will they think of me?

What if I say something stupid?

Keep bringing yourself back,

Breathing,

Trusting the present moment.

You are more likely to go and have a good time,

To be present,

To be kind,

To be engaging,

Because you're not so worried about what are they thinking about me?

You're actually talking to the other person,

Wondering about them,

Having an interesting conversation instead of trying to prove to them that you're someone worthy to get them to like you.

Instead,

It's a genuine sharing moment.

We are better in the present moment without the burden of needing the validation of this little me and everyone to like me.

And we're safe.

We have good conditions.

Most of us have good conditions.

We shouldn't take it for granted.

So just begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again.

Keep bringing yourself back.

Keep bringing yourself back.

Comfort yourself,

Right?

You've been hurt,

You've been rejected,

You're sad.

Comfort yourself,

Be with it.

Just like me,

Millions of people are experiencing this,

Being with what is.

That's how we started our our sangha today in the meditation,

Being with whatever it is that's here,

Being here with it.

You can bear anything in this moment.

And every time you bring yourself back,

Out of the illusion,

Learning to trust the peace that's here,

That you're okay.

We're so used to living in fear,

We almost feel like,

Oh gosh,

I better get out of that illusion of feeling safe and go back into the reality of fear.

It's the other way around.

Come out of the illusion of fear and start trusting that it is okay to feel safe.

I mean,

The ego has this way of doing this to us,

That you're present for a while,

Maybe you're really,

For days,

You're just feeling really present,

Really centered.

Everything's,

You're feeling that sense of peace and ease and calm.

And then something happens or you remember something and you go back up into your thoughts and you think,

Oh man,

I was really deluding myself,

Being peaceful and feeling safe.

This is where I belong.

No.

The fear is the delusion.

The constant anxiety and worrying is the delusion.

The believing that there is something here,

A little me,

A thought created me,

That is somehow incomplete and needs something outside of it in order to feel complete,

That is the delusion.

You are already complete,

You are already whole.

Now let's just begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again.

A million,

Billion,

Trillion times,

Begin again.

Keep bringing yourself back.

And then through the grace of insight,

Of awakening,

Spending more and more time here.

Enjoying the experience of who you are,

Of Kim,

Of Karen,

Of Richard,

Of Leslie,

Of Anna,

Of Rosa,

Of Diane.

Enjoying the experience,

The ride of who you are.

You're okay.

You're okay.

Trust that you're okay.

Okay.

So thank you all.

Thank you for putting up with my coughing.

Sending each of you love and blessings.

Namaste.

Reviews

trust the process, trust the present moment- hearing this helped my month of travels with my son, esp when i’d get overwhelmed in crowded train, subway stations. remembering to breath and say all is well. all is working towards my highest good.

the other really helpful thing i kept repeating is, let go of the story. i would feel the feelings in a given situation but remembering to let go of the story brings me so much peace because i gave a head that loves to ruminate 🩵🙏🦋

Thankyou Meredith for reminding me that everything is an "inside job" subject to causes & conditions.
As an individual my journey is mine but connected to everything else.

To forgive not only applies to me but others & I will need to ***feel*** my way through in order to desensitise my fears. The knee jerk hurt response will hopefully change to breathe & trust. I'll keep working on this to turn off the Super Mario tune I associate with Mara. It's such a 🤪 sound 🫣 ...

The biggie is forgiveness with Love & being brave enough to set boundaries & let go? Can I do this if it is subject to accepting the mental health issues experienced by a close loved family member??

Time will tell & I'll repeat to myself, it's ok as I know I'm doing my best with all the love & compassion I can muster.

Namaste 🙏 & Metta ❤️ my wise teacher
⚘️🪻🌷🌼🌻🌸🪷🏵🌹🥀🌺

💜🩵💙💚💛❤️🩷🧡💜🩵💙💚

Response: Thankyou so very much Again.

Perhaps the airplane ✈️ 🤔 journey analogy could also help explain it?? As the plane goes down, I'll reach for the oxygen mask, breathe deeply & remember, with love & compassion that causes & conditions are individual but also part of the whole. I can change me with positive acceptance & loving forgiveness to do the best I can in this moment 💜💙💚💛💜❤️🩷🧡