Staying Connected When Others Don’t Share Your Path

Maintaining a spiritual practice while navigating relationships with those who don't share the same path can be challenging. In this excerpt of a Dharma talk, we explore how to approach these challenges with wisdom and compassion—honoring our practice without creating distance and meeting others with understanding rather than separation.

Transcript

When it comes to our relationships with others,

Maybe your partner,

Your children,

Your friends,

And they're not on a spiritual path.

So I'm just going to offer some some guidance with this.

And first of all to say that not everyone is going to get it,

What we're doing here.

And in fact I would always err on the side of not saying what it is that you're I mean you can say you're going to meditate,

You're going on a retreat,

You're doing your live,

But don't get into trying to describe it to people because it's not going to make sense and it's going to create a lot of frustration for you.

It's not our job to make people understand why we're meditating,

What it is that we're doing on these classes.

Um it just doesn't come out in the right way.

I have tried millions of times and it just doesn't come out in the right way.

And what I have found,

What I think is the most helpful,

Is to say to someone like well why do you go on and do those lives?

Why are you doing that retreat?

Why are you meditating?

Why are you leaving the party early to go meditator?

All these things you say because it makes me less stressed and it makes me a little happier.

It's true right?

It's true.

It makes me less stressed and it makes me a little bit happier.

And I think that just puts a I um you know people can relate to that and go oh yeah oh yeah like who doesn't want that?

But when we start talking about awakening and separate self and the ego I mean people just glaze over and they're like I don't know what she's talking about.

That sounds crazy.

So don't try and explain it to people.

Just it makes me less stressed.

It makes me a little bit happier.

And then also just to keep in mind particularly people,

Close friends,

Partners,

Um you know they can feel a little threatened by this.

And they can feel a little bit worried that you're moving away from them.

And so you want to make sure that this that you are addressing this with compassion and that you aren't creating that your path isn't creating a wedge between you and your partner.

And ideally in fact ideally the path should be helping your relationships.

I mean even though I ultimately did leave my partner when I decided well particularly when I went to the monastery of course you know I definitely wasn't allowed to bring him with me.

Um we are we are so close.

We are so close.

And for it took a year before I actually went to the monastery when I first told him this is what I wanted to do.

And it really changed our relationship.

It was so beautiful or shifted I should say into the next kind of like he was supportive,

He was helpful,

He was afraid,

He was scared as well right?

He didn't want to be on his own.

And he has a beautiful loving relationship now and I'm I'm so happy for him because that's what that's what he wants.

And I wanted him to have a loving relationship but he wasn't my priority anymore my spiritual path was and it wasn't right for him.

And so but but I would say that it didn't it didn't alienate us in fact I would say it brought us closer in a different way.

I mean we are so close such good friends and and I really I care for him he cares for me and we do help each other out in ways as well that we can.

So our path should really be helping us to navigate our relationships with kindness,

With care,

With compassion.

You know and it's not for them to be on the path we're not trying this is not a proselytizing path right?

It's it's not it's not for other people to have to understand and if we're coming across in some way in our path that it's creating not that there can't be some odd there can always be some odd situations out there of course but in general if it's creating distance between lots of our relationships let's say then I think we need to look at ourselves to say what am I doing on my path?

Because it should be moving us towards wisdom and compassion,

Kindness,

Care,

Understanding others not needing them to understand us but us to understand where they are.

And so if it's not doing that we need to really look at ourselves and understand has my ego taken over my spiritual practice?

Don't ever underestimate your ego to hijack your spiritual practice.

It will do it so fast you won't know what happened.

So we need to really be be mindful of that to be careful with that.

So if you're in a relationship like your partners or again your kids at home and you have said to them like maybe for the next little mini retreat we do and we'll probably do one maybe we'll do one in February and you say hey I'm going to do this half-day mini retreat on on insight timer so I'm going to I'm going to be off on my own for you know for four and a half hours but when I'm done let's go do something you want to do.

Now if it's your kids let's go to the park let's go to the beach if it's your your wife you know your husband you know let's go get a great lunch afterwards let's go to a great dinner afterwards like because if you are in a relationship and you do want to make sure that it's balanced right so then they can understand yeah okay you go do what you need to do because it reduces your stress and it makes you happier so that should be a benefit for them and then we're going to go do something for you for us right so that we're really coming at this from a place of wisdom and compassion understanding those the fears that other people have when we're doing this when we're kind of breaking off from the herd so we don't want to make this sound we don't want to start bringing in all this new language of samsara and dukkha and chasing and resisting and craving and clinging and attachment right because it just it doesn't make sense if you're not interested in this it doesn't make sense and it just doesn't help people and doesn't help our relationships so this isn't you know our path doesn't mean that everyone has to be on the path no our path should help us to be more more considerate more understanding more compassionate towards others that we should be connecting on where we can connect the fact that we are an interdependent interconnected being and that compassion is that is the string right that does bind us so just to keep that in mind around relationships and boundaries and your practice just keep it simple just keep it simple it's not about it's not about them and what they're doing and it's not about us and what we're doing it's it's it's about becoming a kinder wiser more compassionate person and i know some people will say on the spiritual path it's not about becoming kinder that some people will just stay the way they are and there is a little bit of truth in that but i generally find i i generally find it should be making us a little bit or at the very least more compassionate more compassionate

Reviews

Thank you Meredith. These are very timely, compassionate and wise suggestions for better ways to be with those we love while on our personal spiritual journey. Less stressed and a bit happier! 🙏🏽🌞

Thanks for this reminder. We have a similar belief in 12 step Programs like AA and Al-Anon. Attraction rather than promotion. We don’t go chasing after people to help them. They come to us because they want what we have. sending hugs 🙏🌈🌞🙏🌈🌞🙏🌈🌞

Meredith I love listening to your lives and dharma talks because they are so clear and relatable.
I told my wife about 1 year ago about what I do and why I meditate daily, and she made a comment to me “ just don’t get into some cult”… that was the last time we talked about this 😄… I agree with everything you said. We are only responsible for our own thoughts - feelings and actions. Thank you again. Until next time🙏