Sangha: Nothing Is Ever Complete

In our Weekly Sangha meeting on Insight Timer Live, we examine the wisdom of seeing things as never complete. Drawing on a story about Tendai Buddhist Monks who undergo extreme physical practices as a way to enlightenment - and how in this one particular practice, the 1000-day walk, they hold back 25 days as a way to signify that nothing is ever complete. We can apply this not only to enlightenment but to every aspect of our lives - a lot of our discussion revolved around our To-Do lists - and finding peace with our To-Do lists.

Transcript

I was watching this documentary over the weekend called Crows Are White about these Tendai Buddhist monks.

It's this really secretive group of monks in Kyoto,

Japan,

And they're really very ascetic monks.

They do these really,

Really hardcore endurance practices as a way to enlightenment.

And so the documentary is meant to follow this one monk,

Kamahori,

Who is in the middle of his 1,

000-day walk.

This is like the toughest ritual that they have as a way to enlightenment.

And the 1,

000-day walk is actually done at night,

And it's not done as 1,

000 consecutive days.

It's done over seven years,

But it's a lot of walking.

They walk like 80 kilometers a night,

And they just walk around the mountain that the monastery is on.

There's these little temples all around.

They get to each temple,

They do a little ritual,

And then they continue on.

And it's meant to be the same distance as the circumference of the earth.

And then the last 10 days of the practice is really strict,

Where they don't eat,

They don't drink any water,

Any liquids,

They don't sleep,

They don't rest.

I don't think they're even allowed to sit down.

Really,

Really,

Really strict practice.

And if a monk starts out the 1,

000-day walk and doesn't complete it,

They are supposed to commit suicide.

This is not a normal Buddhist practice,

I can tell you that.

This is a very unique sect of Buddhism.

And Buddhism,

Really,

When it travels to different countries,

It really takes on the flavor of those countries.

So we can see a bit of this tradition in Japan,

Very much,

You know,

Kind of taking on the tradition from Japan.

So this filmmaker goes to go film Kamahori.

The whole documentary is meant to be about Kamahori.

But he doesn't really get to spend a lot of time there.

He gets kicked out of the monastery twice.

The first time they were filming some secret ceremony,

And the director's cell phone goes off in the middle of the ceremony.

The monks are livid.

And they kick him out like,

You can't come back.

And then he manages to come back and he does something else.

And in fact,

It's nothing like having your cell phone go off in a ceremony.

But anyway,

He gets once again told you can't film anymore,

You're done.

But the documentary ends up taking this completely different turn.

And after a few years,

Though,

The documentarian realizes like,

I kind of want to wrap it up.

I kind of need to get back to the monastery.

I do want to come back and meet with Kamahori because now he has finished his 1,

000 day walk.

And as time tends to heal all wounds,

The monks say,

Yes,

Okay,

You can come back,

You can interview Kamahori for 15 minutes,

That's it.

And in the interview,

The filmmaker is asking questions about enlightenment.

He's actually asking for a lot of advice.

The whole documentary is really about this guy's,

The filmmaker,

His troubles.

And he's really hoping that these wise monks can give him some advice for what he's going through.

And Kamahori says that,

Well,

First of all,

He said,

After the 1,

000 days,

I can't really say that I'm enlightened or not,

Like,

How would I know?

How would I know?

And then he also says,

But I didn't walk 1,

000 days either.

We always hold back 25 days.

We never finish that 25 days,

Because it's meant to signify that the practice is never complete.

Right?

That enlightenment is not a state of getting to some completion.

Life is never complete.

Enlightenment is never complete.

That there is nothing that is ever completed.

And that this is the mistake that we make with the way that we see the world,

We see the world in this very fixed,

Very solid,

Permanent,

Kind of these discrete beginnings and endings.

And because we see the world in this way,

We're always trying to get somewhere,

We're always trying to achieve something,

We're always trying to become something.

When we're trying to,

We're trying to finish high school to get to college,

We're trying to get married,

Or trying to have kids,

Or trying to get the job,

And then we want the promotion,

And then from the promotion,

We want the next pay raise,

Or maybe you have followers,

You want,

You know,

You want more followers,

You get to those more followers,

And you want more followers.

There's always this idea,

In trying to get somewhere,

That there is this fixed permanent me,

That could possibly get to something,

And then stay there.

And that would be eternally happy.

And of course,

This is,

This is the cycle of suffering,

Because we keep chasing and chasing and chasing and nothing stays the same,

Including us,

Right?

It's like the tide,

Right?

The tide goes in,

The tide goes out,

Right?

That this is the nature of all things.

There's no discrete beginning or ending,

It's just a constant flux of change,

Going in and out,

Right?

We're getting the errands,

We're doing our errand day,

Right?

The errands kind of seem like they're just about done,

But really,

As the tide starts going back out again,

New errands are starting to form somewhere in the back,

Right?

We're cleaning the house,

And it's kind of this,

Oh,

I just got to get to the end to clean the house,

But it's just like the tide,

Right?

The tide goes,

It comes in,

Right?

Even before you're done with the last part of cleaning the house,

The other part of the house that you started on is now starting to get dirty.

It's never complete,

Right?

Relationships,

When you,

You find your partner,

You find the,

Your soulmate,

Right?

And we kind of feel there's this,

This permanent point here,

This sense of completion,

Because I found the partner,

Right?

It's like the tide was coming in,

But it goes back and forth,

Right?

Now it's the work in the relationship,

Right?

It's the practice of communicating in the relationship,

Of patience,

Of forgiveness,

Of kindness in the relationships,

In the relationship,

The back and forth of it,

Right?

In the job,

Right?

Getting the new job,

And it's exciting,

Right?

It kind of feels like there's that peak moment,

And then it's just the back and forth in the job,

Right?

Some moments are really fun and exciting,

Like,

Yeah,

This is the dream job,

And some moments are like,

Yeah,

This is really tough,

I've got this deadline,

And I made a mistake back there,

I lost something,

Something happened,

Right?

It's that,

That ebb and flow of never getting attached to any one thing.

You're moving to a new place,

And that excitement of the moving,

And then just that back and forth of getting to know the new place,

Right?

Of missing some of the things from the old place,

Right?

It's just this back and forth,

This back and forth,

That nothing is ever complete,

Nothing is ever solid or fixed.

But it's as though we're always looking for a place to land,

Right?

If I can just get the new job,

The pay raise,

The promotion,

I can find some fixed place that I can land,

And I can stay there,

Right?

Or if I can just find this partner,

I can land somewhere,

And that everything will be certain from here on out.

And it's what we do with enlightenment.

We think the same thing with enlightenment.

If I can just get there,

Everything will be fixed,

Everything will be solid.

I will never experience the ebb and flow of the tide anymore.

I will never experience difficult people,

Or people will never be unkind to me.

I won't have any more aches and pains.

I won't have any unexpected bills.

No one will ever take advantage of me.

Like this is what we're trying to do with enlightenment.

We take the same mindset,

The same way of thinking,

That puts us in this dilemma in the first place of suffering,

Of dukkha,

Samsara,

And then we apply it to enlightenment.

You know,

Einstein,

One of the smartest people in the world,

Maybe the smartest,

You know,

You can't apply the same type of thinking to,

I'm going to paraphrase,

I can't remember it exactly,

But you can't apply the same type of thinking to get yourself out of the problem that was the wrong thinking to begin with.

I completely paraphrased that,

But hopefully we got the idea,

Right?

That we take this same way of seeing the world and ourselves as this fixed,

Permanent,

Solid being,

That our experiences are fixed and permanent,

That there is somewhere to land,

That there's somewhere we can find this certainty that we are looking for,

But there's nowhere to land.

It's always incomplete.

Always incomplete.

All it is is change.

That is the constant.

Everything is an activity,

A process,

Including enlightenment.

It is all an activity and a process,

But we turn everything into a thing,

And if I just do all of this and get it complete,

Then I can get there.

And we miss seeing reality the way the world really is,

The way we really are.

We miss seeing how it's all arising,

All these causes and conditions coming together,

And just changing and changing and changing.

No real discrete beginning and end,

Just things coming together and things coming apart.

And to see this,

In seeing this,

Is where all the spaciousness and the ease is.

Right?

It's okay,

You're working towards something,

But there's an understanding.

It's just,

Again,

The tide's going to come in,

But it's going to go right back out again.

I don't have to grasp it,

I don't have to cling at it.

I can have a little bit more spaciousness and ease around these things,

Around the goals and the things that we want to do in life,

The experiences that we want to have,

Because they're just fluid,

They're just constant,

They're coming and going and coming and going.

And the more that we see that coming and going,

And the more that we truly understand,

It is just arising and passing away,

Conditions coming together and changing moment by moment by moment.

The more that we flow,

The more fluid that we are,

Because we're the ones,

Everything is fluid,

We are fluid,

But we just don't see it.

We're so believing in the story of solidity,

Of permanence,

Of a permanent me.

We're so believing in that,

That we don't see reality.

So I think we can take the wisdom from the Tendai Buddhist monks,

Maybe not their practices,

They're pretty extreme.

I'm not terribly in favor of those,

I like to walk,

But I think it's a little bit extreme.

But I think we can really take the wisdom of holding that 25 days back and just that recognition in anything,

In any moment,

Just to remember,

There's nothing on the other side of this moment that's going to be any more complete,

It's going to be any more whole,

It's going to be any more certain,

Right?

So we can just let go,

You know,

Let go a little bit more,

Keep trusting that letting go,

Noticing when you've,

You've got a stressful situation happening,

Like okay,

No problem,

No problem,

There's nothing on the other side that I've got to get to,

If I could just get on the other side of this,

Just,

Oh,

That's how the tide's coming in fast right now,

Okay,

Right?

And just that understanding it's not going to last,

So go with it,

Go with it,

It's going fast,

No problem,

No problem,

No problem,

No problem,

Letting go.

No problem,

Letting go.

Nothing is ever complete.

And the more that we grasp it,

And the more that we grasp an enlightenment,

Inner peace,

The more that we grasp at these things,

The further away they are.

The more that we let go,

The closer we are.

It's an activity,

A process.

Don't turn this into a thing,

The way we have turned everything else,

Including us,

Into a thing.

It just makes it go further away.

It just pushes it further away.

We just want to flow.

You're having a moment,

You're having a moment where you've,

You're having a mindless moment,

No problem,

Let go.

Those were the conditions that were arising,

You're not controlling it,

No problem,

Right?

It's okay,

You're having conditions where you're feeling very present,

You're here,

You're centered,

You're flowing.

And not to grasp at that either,

That's what's arising right now,

See how long this stays,

It's nice,

See how long it stays,

Right?

Just having that looseness.

I feel like that the message from this documentary from these monks was that 25 days,

You know,

It's never complete,

It's never complete.

We can really learn a lot from that,

Really apply it,

Not just in our spiritual practice,

In our lives,

Because none of this is to be compartmentalized.

It's all the same nature,

Impermanent,

Causes and conditions arising and changing.

It's all it is,

No different than the tide just coming in and out,

In and out,

Constant change.

Okay,

I'll take a look at some questions here.

Oh Monica,

The story Zoe said made you cry.

Kind of like your,

Not kind of like your gardening,

100% like your gardening Richard,

Absolutely.

It never ends,

There's always something to do,

There's always something to do.

It's not,

We always think we're going to get to some completion stage,

Where this is all going to end.

It's not going to end,

It's just a continuation,

It's just a continuation.

So from Rose,

Glad it makes sense.

You were supposed to finish your degree last month,

But due to some challenges you had to take a break,

Learning to be patient in the present moment and look at life holistically.

Time,

Well time is an illusion,

Absolutely.

Time is a mental construct,

It's just a mental construct.

But yeah,

We had this idea that I was supposed to finish this.

It's not happening now,

What does this mean,

Right?

And we extrapolate,

We kind of put all this,

We impute all this meaning onto it,

That isn't there,

It's just,

Those are the conditions.

You were supposed to finish,

Right?

There was an idea that you were going to finish at a particular time,

And you were supposed to finish at a particular time,

Right?

There was an idea that you were going to finish at a particular time,

And then you didn't.

Okay,

Okay,

What's the practice here?

Let go,

Let go.

In the letting go,

In the letting go of even in the disappointment,

Right?

The disappointment,

And it's okay to feel the disappointment,

So I don't mean to imply that we don't feel the disappointment that you thought the degree was going to be done,

And now it's not.

But even like that,

Like just to feel the disappointment,

Don't hold on to it,

Don't make anything out of it,

Don't get lost in any story about it,

Just yeah,

There's some disappointment,

I thought it was going to be done,

It's not.

Okay,

Let me come back and be with this,

Right?

Equanimity,

Being okay with what's arising,

Not getting lost in it,

Not going to any extreme,

Like just yeah,

Okay,

Disappointments here,

I can feel it,

I can be with it,

It's okay,

It's not going to kill me,

It's just a feeling,

Right?

It's just a feeling,

Right?

It's the story that makes it so painful,

The story,

And it's the story,

It's the feeling plus the story is what creates the emotion,

Right?

But disappointment,

Sadness,

Anger,

Embarrassment,

Anxiety,

They're just physical sensations in the body that we impute a story on.

They're pleasant feelings,

They're unpleasant feelings,

Or they're neutral feelings.

But it's just we're imputing all these stories on it,

That wasn't supposed to happen because I was going to be complete at the end of this degree as though my learning was going to end at that point.

Our learning never ends,

Never ever ends,

Right?

No matter how many degrees we get,

Right?

Aren't you getting the lesson of a lifetime right now,

Rose?

I think that is part of it too because we do tend to think that like,

Oh,

I'm just going to,

Again,

Enlightenment,

Or we can just use the word peace,

As though there's some vast amount of knowledge that all of a sudden gets downloaded.

And that we kind of know how everything is immediately,

Like all the learning and the practices,

It's done,

It's completed.

It's not.

As more and more is revealed,

As you have more insights into the nature of reality and the nature of who you are,

You just keep peeling back and you're like,

There's just more to see,

There's just more.

And then it's like,

Oh,

There's more.

Oh,

There's more.

Oh,

There's more because you couldn't have comprehended that,

You know,

What you saw until you,

You have to see certain things before you can see even deeper,

Right?

It's like you have to know your basic arithmetic table before you can do algebra.

You need basic algebra before you do trigonometry,

You need basic trigonometry before you do calculus,

Right?

You need certain things along the way.

There's a sequential path as far as the knowledge,

But it never ends.

It's never ending.

This is your greatest,

This is a great lesson for you right now,

Rose,

A great lesson for you.

Notice what you were getting,

What you had imputed on the getting of the degree,

So that now you can also let go of that.

So that as you then,

Once the conditions arise again,

Not suggesting that you can't do something if there was,

I don't know what the conditions would be that why you wouldn't get your degree,

Maybe you had to complete another paper,

Maybe it was your thesis and you've got to go back and work on some things,

Like,

Okay,

No problem,

Do those things,

Right?

We're not suggesting we don't do things,

Of course,

Do them,

But maybe you notice you're doing it now without so much attachment,

Not so much attachment to what I'm going to get on the other side of this,

But the joy of learning a little bit more,

Of researching your paper a little bit more,

Of rewriting.

Now I'm just going on the idea that maybe it was a PhD thesis or a master's thesis,

Right?

So maybe it's the,

Okay,

This is what's going on,

Right?

This is where I am,

Okay,

This,

This too,

This here,

Just here,

Just here,

And letting go,

Letting go of any attachment,

Letting go of any idea,

Because the the problem too,

When we have this idea that I'm going to get something on the other side of this,

Is that we are simply just setting ourselves up for disappointment.

It never fully delivers,

We feel good for a bit,

You know,

It feels good as the the frothiness of the tide coming in,

It feels good,

Like,

Yay,

I got it,

But then the tide starts to go back out again,

That feeling is fleeting.

Now what do I do with my degree?

Got to go find a job,

Got to go on an interview,

Got to do this,

Right?

It's that ebb and flow.

But we put so much,

We put so much meaning into these fleeting moments that ultimately we end up disappointed when they don't deliver.

Yeah,

Monica,

I love the waves,

And I want to see who is this,

Oh,

And Belinda,

You've got the wave as your avatar,

Yeah,

It's just flow coming and going,

And coming and going.

Okay,

So from Emma,

Glad that the story resonated with you,

And just the suffering at the,

And hi,

Mohamed,

Good to see you,

The suffering at work of the never-ending list,

Right,

Because even just as we frame it in that way,

The never-ending list,

Right,

You can feel the weight of that never-ending,

Right,

As though it should be ending,

Never-ending,

Right,

As though it should be ending.

It's just a continuation,

Like this is how we do,

We go about our days imagining like there's this list,

And it's this race to get this list of work stuff done,

Or just errands around the house,

Projects,

Bills paid,

This just,

This list of just tasks that need to get done.

And our relationship to that list is very,

Very stressful,

The way we relate to it,

It's very stressful,

Right,

It's like this heavy weight,

I've got to get to the end,

I've got to get to the end of it.

But all that happens as we get to the end,

And seriously,

There is another list that's just forming,

It's just we haven't recognized what it is yet.

And instead,

Changing our relationship to be,

Yeah,

There's always going to be something to do,

I always have a list of things that need to get done.

But nowhere in that list is a happier me,

A more complete me,

That's a fantasy.

The list is just things to be done,

I can prioritize the list,

Okay,

This needs to be done first,

This needs to be done next,

Maybe I need to wait a little bit on this task because I need some more information.

But it's changing our relationship to the list.

There's always going to be 25 things left on the list to do,

Let's say that,

We'll take that from the 10 daimoks,

It's always going to be things to do.

So when we accept this idea that there's always going to be things to do,

Not everything has to be done at once,

And to always make sure on the list,

Maybe put break on the list somewhere,

Five minute break,

Two minute break,

One minute break,

Add that to your list to keep finding that space again to remember like it's a list of things to get done.

No one sits on their deathbed and says,

I'm so glad I got everything done on my list.

No one says that.

No one gets a prize for completing everything on the list.

Right?

So just as best you can,

As best you can,

Try to change your relationship to the list,

The list is always going to be there,

Put little hearts on the list,

You know,

Put little prayer hands on the list,

Little again,

Little breaks on the list,

Don't make it,

You know,

Try to change,

You know,

Again,

Changing your relationship to the list,

There's always going to be things to be done,

Always going to be things to be done.

And I'll just add to Monica,

Or actually just,

I'll go back in a minute,

But just to Richard's point,

A break,

I find a peace when I reach a stopping point,

Sense of accomplishment,

Then there is a joy,

Even a thrill of looking forward to what comes next.

Yeah,

That's definitely having a good relationship with it.

Just understanding it's the ebb and flow.

And then from Monica,

I like to have two things,

Then if I get to one more,

It's great,

But two things is doable.

Also,

I put fun things on the list like yoga or walking in nature.

Yeah,

Add some fun things,

As best you can Emma,

I get it's at work,

So maybe your boss doesn't want to see on there,

Two minutes breathing exercises,

Or one minute gratitude,

One minute sympathetic joy,

Right,

Maybe you're not going to want to see,

You know,

Someone else may not appreciate that.

But changing,

But I do think adding those things into your list can really change the way you see it.

And then also one of the things that I think we can get really challenged on when we do have a long list,

Is to just say,

Look,

I'm just going to do one thing on the list,

Just one thing,

That's it,

One thing,

I just got to get one thing,

Oh,

Maybe I'll do the one minute of breathing,

Or the one minute of sympathetic joy,

Right,

Just do one thing,

Right,

Anything on the list gets us going also,

Gets us going,

And changes the way we feel about it.

Thank you Raz,

Thank you for the donation,

I appreciate it very much,

Thank you.

So yes,

Those lists,

And as you say Raz,

It never ends,

It never ends,

The list is endless,

It's endless,

But let's not look at it in a terminable or terminal way,

Like,

Oh my god,

The list is never ending,

It's just everyone has a list,

Everyone has a list of things to do,

And you can either make that list your,

A heavy weight that you carry around,

Or just a nice guide to remind you of things that yeah,

That do need to get done at some point,

That do need to get done at some point.

Oh,

Thank you Sue,

Thanks.

I'll just read Emma's second comment,

The suffering is definitely the story that you apply to the list of tasks,

That it should end at some point,

But it actually,

It will never end.

So yeah,

So again,

It's just that same mindset,

The way we look at things where we,

We,

We're looking for that hard ending somewhere,

And this is our misperception of reality,

Right?

This is what we're not seeing correctly,

What we're misperceiving,

There's no hard ending to anything,

It's just they kind of morph and change,

Even the tide going out and in,

Like you can't find that exact point,

You go that's the end,

Right?

You can't find that exact end,

And that's the beginning,

You can't find it,

Because the way the conditions are coming together in such a way that all of a sudden it just becomes clear,

It's going in or it's clear,

It's coming out,

But you can't actually see all the conditions that are changing for it to,

You know,

When it starts to retreat or go back out again.

And yet,

And again,

When we use that analogy,

We go yeah,

I can see it in the wave,

Or the tide coming in,

Or the wave,

Or I can see it in the flowing river,

But we just keep seeing the world and ourselves as something more fixed and permanent and solid,

And forgetting,

Forgetting how everything really is arising.

And in our thoughts,

It's our thoughts that make everything appear so fixed and solid,

Because without the thoughts,

You do see how everything is just arising and changing moment by moment.

But it's our beliefs,

Our beliefs about ourselves,

Our beliefs about the world,

Our beliefs that there is a little me that could somehow be completed,

That there's something outside that is permanent and fixed,

That could complete something inside here that is permanent and fixed,

But there's nothing that's permanent and fixed.

This is the insanity of what we're doing.

Trying to make that which is impermanent,

Satisfactory,

To please something that is impermanent,

It just makes no sense.

When we really examine it,

It makes no sense.

But this is what we all do.

This is the delusion that everyone is under.

And the more that we can notice the mind grasping me complete over there,

What am I trying to get to?

What is it that you think is going to get there and be more complete?

All that's going to happen is you're going to get there,

You're going to move the goalpost again,

You're going to move the goalpost again.

When the goalpost gets moved in some other way,

You're going to feel disappointed,

Right?

Notice what it's like,

There it goes again.

There's no completion.

Life is never complete,

It's just change.

Enlightenment is never complete,

It's just change.

You are complete in the knowing that you are just change.

You feel whole,

Connected,

Peaceful,

Tranquil,

Serene in the knowing that there is nothing solid here,

Nothing too complete.

It's the idea that I need something to complete me that makes me incomplete.

And in the absence of that,

The feeling of being whole,

In that I'm seeing,

There's nothing,

No thing,

No thing,

Not nothing,

Sorry,

No thing here,

Just an arising of causes and conditions and changing moment by moment.

So practicing seeing that more and more.

This is on the Buddhist Eightfold Path,

And more.

This is on the Buddhist Eightfold Path,

Right view,

Seeing reality,

Seeing reality,

Everything is impermanent.

If everything is impermanent,

You cannot find satisfaction in that which is impermanent.

You can enjoy,

You can enjoy the things arising and changing,

Yay,

Enjoy the fun moments,

Enjoy the frothiness of the wave,

The frothiness of the latte or the chocolate cake,

Whatever the conditions,

Right?

Enjoy,

Yay,

Right?

But nothing to hold on to,

Just changing.

And when things are a little bit unpleasant,

Right,

Just a little bit unpleasant,

Nothing to hold on to here.

Breathe,

Feel.

It's usually the pushing back on it that's what makes it worse,

Right?

We tried to solidify,

I shouldn't be experiencing this.

Oh,

This is what's arising.

No problem.

No problem.

This is what's arising now.

So in right view,

Seeing all that is impermanent,

Everything including you,

There is no independent inherent self.

You exist,

But you do not exist the way you think you exist.

And we all come to enlightenment,

And at some stage or another,

We all do this,

Especially in the beginning.

We take our same way of seeing the world as being fixed and permanent and solid,

And we just transfer it all over to the spiritual path.

And then we become endless spiritual seekers because we're looking in the same way that we were looking in the same way on the spiritual path that we were looking at everything else and wondering why aren't we seeing it.

It's whatever you think it is,

Is not it.

If you think it's an image,

If you think it's something solid,

That's not it.

In any way that we create something out of this,

An image out of what enlightenment is,

Nirvana,

In any way that we create an image,

My true self,

Anytime we label it something,

That's not it.

We're solidifying it into something again.

We cannot take the same way of thinking that brought us into this whole mess of suffering and imagine that that's what's going to get us out of this.

It's seeing.

It's just that constant looking to seeing how everything is arising and changing,

Having space in your day so that you can just pause and sit and just hear,

Hear the sounds that are arising and then changing.

I can hear the truck driving by,

Hear the sound arising and changing.

I can see the avatars going across whatever sight seeing is happening,

Changing,

Changing,

Changing.

The feelings in the body,

Always little subtle changes,

Hormones,

Neurotransmitters,

The breath is fast,

It's slow,

Circulation is fast,

It's slow,

Right,

All these different things happening.

It's just changing and it's just seeing,

But we do need to slow down enough to be able to see that.

But we can't take the same way of thinking and apply it to the spiritual path and expect that we're going to see reality.

We just start setting this up as some future goal to attain.

I check all the right boxes and then there's this me at the end that has this hard landing as something enlightened.

That's not it.

That's not it.

There's nowhere to land.

Nowhere to land.

It's the Zen saying,

Right?

The bad news,

You're in free fall.

The good news,

There's nowhere to land.

That's the spaciousness and the freedom is there's nowhere to land.

Right?

Oh yes,

Just coming and going,

Coming and going,

Changing,

Just constant change.

Breathe,

Be with it,

Notice any resisting,

Notice the mind chasing and oh,

Come back.

Do all your practices,

Meditation,

Being mindful of what's going on in the mind,

Mindful of the five hindrances,

Right?

When greed is arising in the mind,

Desire,

Chasing,

Mindful of it,

Notice it.

When ill will,

Anger,

Resisting,

Right?

All the same movement,

Mind movement,

Notice it.

When restlessness is in the mind,

Notice it.

When laziness is in the mind,

Notice it.

When doubt is in the mind,

Notice it.

And when you're feeling good,

Be mindful of that too,

Right?

Mindfulness of the mind,

Mindfulness of the dhammas,

Right?

To be mindful as well when you're feeling good,

Like,

Is there any greed in the mind?

No.

Is there any ill will,

Any resisting?

No.

Any restlessness?

No.

Any laziness?

No.

Any doubt?

No.

Yeah,

That's why I feel good.

The absence of the five hindrances is why I feel good.

So noticing what's in the mind and noticing what's out,

What's not in the mind as well.

So Janna,

Just to your point,

In the here and now there is no landing,

Meaning just a no,

And it might just be the verbiage that I'm using versus how you're framing it,

Meaning there is no fixed,

Solid place.

In the here and now,

It's always changing,

It's always changing.

And landing in my mind means something,

We're kind of looking for a place to,

Like in gymnastics,

Right?

After you do all the tumbles and the flips,

You've got to stick your landing and you're solid and you're there.

And so in the here and now,

When we're truly present,

There's no landing.

There's just a seeing how we're arising and changing,

And everything is arising and changing,

And there's just a seeing it,

There's no grasping at any of it.

It's just all a constant flow of change,

It's just all a constant flow of change,

A constant show flow of change.

And even to your point,

Raz,

About doubt,

Doubt is tricky,

Yes,

Doubt is tricky.

I have a couple talks on doubt,

Because remember,

Doubt is what Mara tried to get the Buddha with just before he became enlightened.

He tried greed,

He tried fear,

And then doubt,

He thought,

Oh,

Doubt will get him.

And doubt is tricky,

Because it always comes in,

I think it was Joseph Goldstein that said this,

Doubt always comes in disguised as good advice.

It sounds like it's good advice.

And so the more that you can recognize,

Right,

Oh,

Here's doubt,

Here's doubt.

Let me come in,

Excuse me,

Let me come in and feel doubt in the body,

Right,

Come in,

Always feeling,

If you're experiencing greed,

If you're experiencing ill will,

Restlessness,

Laziness,

Doubt,

Right,

Whatever it is that you're experiencing,

Always come in and feel,

Come into the feeling,

Out of the story,

Into the feeling,

Like label it,

Know,

Oh,

Here it is,

Doubt,

Oh,

Here it is,

Jealousy,

Right,

Jealousy,

Kind of in the desire realm,

The greed realm,

Right,

Oh,

Here it is,

Anxiety,

Probably a little bit in the restlessness realm,

Here it is,

So labeling it,

Really good.

The moment we can label something and identify what it is,

It starts to create a little space,

Like,

Oh,

I see,

One minute you're lost in the doubt,

Doubting yourself,

Your ability to understand who you really are,

The nature of reality,

Even though this is in with every single person,

Every single person here and on this planet,

Everyone's capability of seeing reality,

But the doubt that comes in because of whatever was just happening before,

A mindless moment,

A less pious moment,

A less Buddhist moment,

Right,

It's like,

Oh,

No,

You're a bad person,

Not a good spiritual practitioner,

Right,

Doubt,

You doubt wanting to come in,

Whatever it was,

You recognize it,

There it is,

There it is,

Now feel it,

Breathe into it,

Create space,

Like accepting it,

Right,

You're accepting what's here,

Right,

This is also RAIN,

Some of you are probably familiar with R-A-I-N,

A very common mindfulness practice in Buddhism,

Recognize,

It's the R,

Recognize,

Ah,

Doubt,

There you are,

There you are,

The A,

Accepting,

Accepting what's here and the way that we accept,

Breathing into it,

Just creating some space,

It's okay,

These feelings are here,

The feeling of doubt,

I should know what the feeling of doubt is,

We should know what it feels like,

It's unpleasant,

Doesn't feel as good as a massage,

Doesn't feel as good as praise,

But it's just a physical sensation,

Right,

We come in and we feel it,

Right,

Once we're a little less,

There's a little bit more distance between being lost in the doubt and feeling it,

We feel a little bit more at ease,

We feel a little more space,

And then we can investigate,

Wow,

Was that useful,

Was that useful,

Was that useful,

Doubting myself on the path,

Was that useful,

Beating myself up,

Because I made a mistake back there,

Because I'm human,

Because you maybe fell off your practice for a few days,

Because you had a mindless moment,

Because you were stressed,

Was that useful to beat yourself up,

Right,

And to recognize what's,

Oh,

No,

No,

That's not useful at all,

Doesn't help at all,

Doesn't make,

It doesn't,

It doesn't bring me back to the path,

It takes me further away from it,

And in that remembering the teaching,

And I've got a class on this on my teacher's page,

And I bring it up all the time,

I think I have a few little mini talks on it too,

Begin again,

That's our practice,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Clean slate,

No problem,

Unless you,

I mean,

If you've got to go back and clean something up,

You've got to go apologize to someone,

You've got to do something,

Like go do it,

But first,

But first,

Begin again,

You're human,

Every single person on the path makes mistakes,

Every person has lazy moments on the path,

Every,

Every person has thoughts of greed,

Of ill will,

Of jealousy,

Of doubt,

Of comparing,

Every person experiences this,

The five hindrances were around 2600 years ago,

They're still around today,

Probably a little more intensified today,

If anything,

But these are the common states,

This is common,

You can use the self-compassion practice,

Just like me,

Millions of people are experiencing doubt right now,

Hmm,

Doubt is a common experience,

Even in phrasing it that way,

That self-compassion practice,

In framing it that way,

We don't feel so much doubt,

Framing it that way,

We don't feel so alone with it,

As though there's something wrong with me,

Like,

Oh yeah,

Doubt is normal,

But I want to investigate it,

I want to see if there's anything useful here,

Right,

Usually there's not,

Every now and then,

Every now and then,

Every now and then,

Could be something like,

Yeah,

You know what,

I did get off my practice a little bit,

Okay,

Back on,

No beating myself up about it,

You get back on,

Everyone struggles in the beginning,

Particularly in the beginning,

In the middle and the end,

It's to recognize,

It's just to recognize this is happening,

Be aware of what's happening,

Accept it,

Accept the feelings,

Investigate what's happening,

So that you can be more familiar with doubt,

So when it arises the next time,

Right,

That tsunami feeling is coming on of doubt and that tsunami feeling is coming on of doubt and the fear that comes with it,

Oh,

Here it is,

It's just a physical sensation,

Right,

A lot of this,

A lot of this,

The feelings that we're having are simply the playing out of these feelings and emotions that we've been experiencing our whole lives,

That we trained our bodies for,

Trained our minds for,

And even as you start to see the nature of reality and see the nature of yourself and you have deep insights into these things,

The body is still working these things out and it does take time and all we can do in our practice is say,

Yeah,

I'm still working things out,

No problem,

Here it is,

Right,

So we have recognize,

Accept,

Investigate,

And then end,

No self,

No separate self,

Right,

Which is sometimes depending upon where we are in the practice,

Can be a difficult,

Well,

Definitely the beginners,

It can be very difficult to see this,

But to also just to recognize who was experiencing doubt a few minutes ago,

Who was experiencing it,

Because the doubt's gone now,

It's not here,

Who was experiencing it,

Now what's arising is spaciousness because the doubt's gone,

Oh,

I thought there was something fixed and solid and permanent that was experiencing the doubt and that was unworthy a few minutes ago,

But now it's changed,

Right,

Not saying we don't exist,

The teaching of no self,

Anatta,

It's not that we don't exist,

That we do not exist the way we think we exist,

That we are not a fixed and permanent solid being,

You're changing moment by moment,

The perception of how you're seeing yourself changing moment by moment,

Based on whatever thoughts and feelings and emotions are happening in that moment,

We don't know what thoughts are going to arise,

Nobody knows their next thought,

Right,

None of us knows this,

I don't know what the next word's going to be that comes out of this mouth,

Right,

And it's very much influenced by what you guys are typing in the comment section,

Right,

None of us knows,

None of us knows what's happening with our our physiology,

Our biology,

How that's going to be shifting and changing moment by moment,

Our views,

Our opinions,

Our beliefs,

Which are all all of these things,

By the way,

Everything of course the result of causes and conditions always changing a little bit,

So our perception of ourselves always being filtered through this,

Our current mood,

Right,

One minute I'm a bad spiritual practitioner,

The next minute I'm a good spiritual practitioner,

Don't get attached to any image,

Notice that too,

Right,

It's changing,

It's just whatever it is,

Is changing,

Right,

And this is hard for us to grasp,

Hard for us to understand,

Because we don't mind getting rid of the,

We don't mind abandoning the unworthy image,

But we don't want to abandon the worthy image either,

They are one in the same,

You cannot have the worthy image without the unworthy image,

It is no image,

That's where your peace is,

No image,

And simply being here,

Experiencing the world as it's changing,

And as you say rest,

Relax,

Nothing is under control,

It's all arising through causes and conditions,

Let go of the steering wheel,

You're not controlling it anyway,

And see what happens,

The ride actually becomes a lot smoother,

We stop living up in the VR headset and we start living in reality,

Still experiencing ups and downs,

Lots of nice people,

Occasionally a difficult person,

Sometimes we get a good deal,

Sometimes we get a bad deal,

Sometimes we get a big bill,

Sometimes we get a tax refund,

Just always changing,

Just to let it all just move through,

Oh Alfonso your dad,

Well bless his heart,

He was giving you good advice,

There are no guarantees in life,

No guarantees,

We're not controlling it,

We have this idea,

And I just want to,

At Lucila,

I'm going to get back to your question here,

I did see it,

We have this idea,

Again that same mindset,

That there's a fixed permanent solid me here,

And that's who's in control,

As though somehow there's something here that is outside of this causal relationship world,

That's not affected by the weather,

That's not affected by what I ate this morning,

That's not affected by what someone said to me,

By what my dogs are doing,

By what the scorpions are doing,

By what the snakes are doing,

By what the,

It's scorpion and snake season here,

So they're very much on my mind,

In fact Mia found a big scorpion yesterday,

But yeah,

Like in fact that was it,

In fact two nights ago I was,

I walk each of the dogs individually,

I just can't control all three at once,

And as Macha and I were kind of far away I could hear one dog back at my property barking really really loudly,

Barking in a way I'm like oh something's up,

Last time she did this there was a snake,

Our walk,

Sorry Macha,

We're going to go back because in case it was a snake,

And we go back and it was a scorpion,

Like a probably actually from tail to probably like that long,

Easy that long and thick,

And she'd killed it or was just about dead,

And but I was glad I came back because I also wanted to keep an eye on her in case she had gotten bitten,

I couldn't tell in case she was going to have a reaction,

But yeah the scorpion,

One minute walking along thinking I'm in,

You know,

Well not thinking I'm in control,

But just knowing how easily I could have thought I was in control,

I hear the barking,

I have the reference to the previous time with the snake last year,

And thinking that sounds like she's seeing something,

That's not just her barking,

It's something going by,

That sounds like she's she has a particular bark for that,

And and us turning around and coming back and finding the scorpion,

And then changing that normally I would keep her outside for a little bit,

I might come inside,

Right,

Everything changing based on that,

Right,

So everything causes and conditions,

Yeah,

And thank you Emma about yeah I have that talk on letting go of control,

We're not controlling this,

We're not controlling this,

It's very easy to think that we are,

Just like it's very easy to think there's something on the other side of this moment that somewhere I could get to where I could be more complete and feel happier,

It's just we're just we're just thinking it and believing our thoughts,

So okay,

Let me go back to Lucilla's here,

If I can be curious about what I think I'm going to feel like when the list is done,

Perhaps I can give myself that feeling right now in the middle that we live in until our last breath,

What I would suggest,

Well,

I think you're,

I think in some way you're kind of on to it,

But there's still an imagining how you would feel on the other side of the list,

Come in and feel right now and accept whatever it is that's here,

Because if you come in and accept how you're because if you come in and accept how you're feeling,

The grasping goes away,

That's what feels so good at the end of the list,

When we get the last thing crossed off our list,

The grasping goes away,

In fact also I've noticed when we're,

When we're getting,

When we're doing things on our to-do list,

As we get to the last few,

You would think with the last few things that we start to feel better,

And this isn't always,

But actually the grasping starts to become more intense,

Because there's a getting to the end,

If I can just get this last thing done a little faster,

Right,

If I can multitask through this and get it done,

The task,

The grasping intensifies,

It's the absence of the grasping that feels so good,

So when you,

When you say,

Well I want to imagine how I would feel,

How you would feel is how you would feel right now in the absence of the grasping,

We don't have to imagine anything,

We don't have to imagine anything,

A me that would feel a certain way,

Even in that I can still even feel a little bit of tension in that,

Probably a little bit better,

Because maybe the grasping,

Grasping is a little bit less,

But just come in and feel what's here,

And notice the grasping falling away,

That's what feels so good at the end of the to-do list,

And that's what feels so bad in the to-do list,

The grasping that I've got to get it all done,

The grasping that I've got to get it all done,

And I cannot be happy until I get it all done,

And it's never ending,

And it's all the way that we're framing it,

That's what feels so unpleasant,

The grasping,

It's the absence of the grasping,

The letting go,

And saying it's a list,

It's a list of things that needs to get done,

It's just a list,

Any suffering is us imputing it onto the list,

We are imputing the suffering,

Because we're imputing all of the meaning onto it,

It's just a list with things that need to get done,

Some things that need to get done,

Some things that yeah,

They should get done at some they should get done at some point,

But all of the stress and the anxiety and the feeling bad around it is all just the way that we're relating to it,

It will never end,

It will never end,

Change your relationship to your list,

To the to-do list,

It's just it's nice,

And I like lists by the way,

I like to write things down,

In fact I love writing things down because I feel like I can just something pops into your head,

Oh yeah I need to do that later,

Just write it down,

The moment it's written down just feels like good it's written down,

At some point it's going to get done,

At some point I'm going to look at the list,

One thing I'll get done is usually once one thing's done it's like oh just get a couple more done,

And the list at the end of the day just get whatever didn't get done gets transferred to the next one,

Nowhere on my list is perform heart surgery and so there's someone no one's going to die right,

You know and of course we prioritize the things that are important,

Get dog food,

There's no dog food,

Okay I better go to the store and get dog food,

But not with this idea,

I can't believe I have to go do this,

If I can just go get it done faster I'll be winning,

I'll be ahead,

There's no prize for getting all of our stuff done,

All of our things on our to-do list done,

There is a price,

There is a price,

But no prize,

And it really is,

I'm glad,

And was it Emma that you brought up the to-do list,

Because our practice,

Seeing reality,

Seeing how things are arising and changing,

Is for every aspect of our lives,

Going to the bathroom,

I mean seriously,

Every aspect of our lives,

Seeing how things are arising and changing moment by moment,

Not to compartmentalize,

Meditate in the morning,

Do your gratitude practice,

Do some contemplation,

Do some contemplation,

And then and then to cling to to the list all day,

It's to carry that over your,

You meditated in the morning,

You feel that sense of openness,

That sense of spaciousness,

And then you come into ah here's the list,

Okay let's see,

Let's see what I can get done next,

Yeah it's okay,

If it doesn't get done no one's gonna,

No one's gonna shoot me,

Right,

And yes that you're going to rename the list to help change the story,

I'll call it life relax and let go,

Yes in fact you can call it Ajan list,

Ajan,

A-J-A-H-N,

In the Thai forest tradition of Buddhism,

And Ajan is a teacher,

And Ajan who is kind of a famous teacher in this lineage,

Is he used to say whatever was going on like they're your teacher,

If the flies were bothering you during your meditation,

Ajan flies,

If it's a difficult person,

Ajan,

Difficult person,

Um yeah yeah he's wonderful,

And and so yeah it's like Ajan,

This is my teacher,

And if this is the teaching,

This is also the freedom is here,

The freedom is here too,

The teacher is pointing me,

This is where am I saying,

This is where your practice is,

Great,

Great,

Now you're really aware of it,

And that in itself heightening this,

Heightening your level of awareness of the suffering around it,

Helps you to now start implementing and changing your relationship to it,

Right,

Okay,

I'll just go to fauna,

Your mind is trained to feel that you're not good enough,

You try to release this perception,

But I was born with a mistake,

I will tell you this fauna,

You are not alone in feeling not good enough,

Anyone who is living,

Uh who is not seeing reality,

Living in their thoughts,

Believing there's something other than what they really are,

Does not feel like they are good enough,

Some people have a tendency to feel like they are good enough,

Some people have,

I mean it can be varying degrees,

But that is by definition part of the feeling of separateness also,

I'm different from everyone else,

And you might have some external marker to say but no,

No,

No,

I do,

I am different in this way,

Okay,

Maybe not the exact norm of everyone,

But whatever it is,

Whatever your difference is,

There are at least a million people with the same thing,

Or a couple or a hundred thousand,

We always feel like we're the ones that I'm so uniquely broken or bad or just in some way not measuring up,

It always feels like I'm the only one,

And so that is your cue,

And for anyone else that feels this,

We all know this,

And I know this,

God I thought I was such a broken,

So doubted and disliked myself for such a long time,

Such a long time,

Because I was so lost in my thoughts and believing that I was unworthy,

So believing all the stories that I was telling myself,

Because it's only in the stories that the feeling of unworthiness is there,

When you have those moments in your meditation where you really,

Your attention really is on object,

Mantra,

Breath,

Contemplation,

You're not lost in ego thoughts,

You're not thinking about yourself,

That feeling of unworthiness is nowhere to be found,

Nowhere to be found,

It's only in your thoughts,

So be really mindful of that thought of unworthiness,

And when you see it,

Ah there you are unworthiness,

I see you,

I see you,

Come in and feel it,

You should know what unworthiness feels like in the body,

Feel the feelings come out of the story,

The story,

Investigate is it useful,

Is it useful,

Is it useful to feel unworthy,

What could be the possible benefit of feeling unworthy,

Right,

Make sure you really follow the steps,

Don't go straight to that because it probably feels like no but I am,

They're probably because you're still lost in the in the self-referential thinking,

So go through the steps,

And then that last part,

No self,

Who is it that feels unworthy,

It feels like there is such a solid independent little me that is unworthy,

But now that you've identified,

Ah here it is unworthy or if there's a better word for it,

Not good enough,

Here you are again not good enough,

I see you,

I see you,

Feel at least 10 breaths,

Breathe into the sensations,

The physical sensations,

Not pushing them away,

We're not doing it to push anything away,

To feel it,

It's okay,

It's here,

Accepting it,

We don't heal by pushing things away,

We heal by coming in and feeling what's here,

Accepting what's here,

Once you feel a little bit more centered,

Right,

You feel a little bit less rattled by it,

Less caught up in it,

Investigate,

Is that useful or was that useful,

Really think about what is,

What was it doing to me,

Made me feel small and afraid,

Made me stressed,

It caused me to not follow my dreams maybe or not do something that I wanted to do because now I'm feeling insecure,

Wow,

It's really limiting me in a lot of ways,

Keep breathing because if there's any sense of it coming back,

Just keep breathing and then in the end,

Who is it that feels like they're not enough,

Look for it,

You should be able to find this little solid independent you that feels like it's not enough but now that you're looking for it,

You can't find it because it only exists in the thought that I'm not enough,

Without the thought that I'm not enough,

We don't feel it,

So you look for it and you're like I can't find it,

Yeah,

It's just a changing perception and every time you do that,

It's not a one and done,

We've got to do it over and over and over,

It loses less of its power and then you start to see like oh yeah,

This morning my perception of myself was fine,

I was present,

Everything was okay and then this little bit of doubt or unworthiness came in and I just breathed into it and kind of just kept going,

It wasn't a problem,

Didn't bother me,

Just kept going and later in the day maybe it came back again,

It's like yeah,

Right,

Our perception of ourself is changing like little soap bubbles,

Literally that fleeting,

Constantly changing but there can be some soap bubbles that keep arising a lot,

The feeling of unworthiness or feeling of not enough,

Yeah,

Come out of the thought into the feeling,

Investigate who is it that feels unworthy,

Where is this feeling of unworthiness,

Investigate for yourself to see oh my god,

I can't even find it,

I can't even find,

If I'm looking for the unworthy one,

That's not the same as having the thought I'm unworthy,

You cannot find it,

It's gone and that's for you to see oh my god,

I've let this thought of feeling unworthy just,

It's held over me my whole life,

It's affected the decisions that are being made even though no one in control,

Of course this is a condition,

It affects choicing and decisioning,

It affects your whole life,

Wow,

I should see,

I should investigate this more,

I should feel this more,

I should know this more,

So be on the lookout for this Fauna,

You know just like Emma knows about her list,

Fauna you are going to know about the feeling of unworthiness,

I see you,

I see you,

I see you,

Okay,

So from Char,

I wonder if it's easier for us to focus on the status of our lists than how we feel about the life we are choosing to live that is generating the items on the list,

I'm not sure I understand the question,

The question,

Welcome Jenna,

Is it easier for us to focus on the status,

So on the status of our lists,

Whether if,

So if I'm focusing on the status of my list,

If my list is done or not,

Versus how we feel about the life we are choosing to live that is generating the items on the list,

So I think in general there's always going to be a to-do list no matter you're working,

You're at home,

There's always going to be a list of things that need to be done,

And what I would say is again just changing our relationship to our list and that yeah,

There's always going to be things that need to be done,

But maybe it's a separate question of okay,

The things that I'm doing on this list and perhaps related to work,

So thank you Emma for helping me with that,

Is like well,

Is this what I really want to be doing,

Is this really what I want to be doing,

And I think that's a fair question,

I think,

I think that's a very fair question to ask ourselves,

I mean we may not have a choice,

There may not be an option to leave,

I mean maybe for a variety of reasons,

Sometimes there's no other option,

Or there it appears that there's no other option at this moment,

There's always the weighing up of consequences,

Again even though there's ultimately no one making a decision,

There's the weighing up of consequences like you have a mortgage,

You've got kids,

There's it's a tough job market perhaps,

Like I don't really have any options,

And if that's the case like okay,

Then you just again knowing yeah you could quit,

But it would suck,

You would have a lot of challenges that you don't,

You're not willing maybe to take on,

But if there's the option of saying yeah,

I don't want to work here anymore,

I really am not enjoying all the things that are on the list,

And I'm going to look for another job,

Not with this idea that this other job is going to complete me,

Or that I hate this place and they're just ruining my life,

Because that's just more grasping,

But with the idea that yeah this isn't really aligning with my values,

I want a little more space,

A little bit more peace,

I am willing to take a little bit of a pay cut,

Because I realize that the space and the peace is a little more important to me,

Or I'm willing to take a little bit of a risk and try another job,

Maybe the same conditions are there,

But I'm willing to take that risk and try it,

But we can also add like maybe looking at our lists of all the things that we're doing,

Like maybe it's 10 returns that you've got to make every week,

And you think okay I've got to stop shopping online,

I had this friend,

Actually I still have this friend,

Where I mean she would literally come over to her house and her guest room would be covered in boxes that were all returns,

All returns,

Because she would order all these things online,

And then it would all have to be returned,

And then it would literally take a day for her to return all the things,

And she would really convince herself,

But no this is all saving time,

And then she hated to return the things of course,

And then sometimes she'd mess things up,

She couldn't find the right receipt,

And she ended up having to keep it,

And in that respect I might look at the list and say I keep having to return things,

I'm gonna stop buying things,

There's something in my life I'm doing here that's not helping,

So yeah,

So I think so I think hopefully did I get that,

Did I get to your your point there Char,

Hopefully,

And yeah,

And so JG,

Oh thank you,

Okay thanks,

That was a group effort,

You guys all you guys all brought me along on that,

Thank you,

And uh and just uh on Geraldine,

I'm glad that that,

I'm glad that was helpful,

So JG,

You cannot tie,

If we want peace,

If we want peace,

Uh we've got to unlink your feeling of worthiness to that list,

You've got to unlink that,

And to recognize like your worthiness,

If it's always linked to to your list,

And having to get 100% done or you failed,

Then think about how much of your life is feeling unworthy,

Because this list is never ending,

You get a moment of break for 100% done,

And then only to go uh-oh,

Something's back on the list,

So change your relationship with it,

Be aware of this,

Be aware of that,

You know,

When you have that thought,

I want to get it all done,

What's making me suffering,

Getting the list done or the thought that I need to get it all done,

And that my worthiness is attached to it,

Notice it,

Come back into the body,

Oh there you are,

There you are,

You little task master that it all has to be done,

Let me feel what that feels like,

Needing it all to be done,

Because this is what I'm experiencing right now,

For a moment's relief at the end,

Because finally the grasping goes away,

I can let go of the grasping now,

By coming in and feeling it,

And you be with it,

And you accept it right,

You recognize it,

Accept it,

Breathe into it,

Create space,

It's okay that it's here,

It's okay,

Oh this is what it feels like,

This is what the grasping at the list feels like,

But accepting it,

The grasping starts to soften,

There's still some tension in the muscles,

But you're no longer grasping right,

It's like ah okay,

It's just some tension,

Right,

Bringing yourself back to a place of feeling a little more centered,

A little more balanced,

You can investigate,

There it was,

That feeling of terror a moment ago,

Was because of a list,

Was because of a list,

A list of running to the bank,

Pay this bill,

Reach out to such and such,

Sign the contract,

Just things,

Just things that need to get done,

But I gave it so much power,

And you might even feel it tensing as you're even investigating,

Be mindful of that in the investigation,

If you're noticing the tension,

Oh okay,

I just need to breathe a little bit,

Because that habit starts to,

We just have to be careful in that,

Okay,

Wow,

Just even thinking about nothing's changed,

I'm still here,

Perfectly safe,

Okay,

Wow,

And then as you,

As you release,

And then even,

You know,

Again,

Start investigating again,

Was that useful,

What was going on then,

And then look for it,

Where is the little me that's unworthy in not getting the list done,

Where is the little me that's unworthy in not getting the in not getting the list done,

Where is it,

Where's the taskmaster,

Where is it,

Look for it,

You should be able to find it,

If this little taskmaster is real and ruining your life,

Ruling your life,

You should be able to find it,

Investigate for yourself,

See this for yourself,

Because this is the whole point of our practice,

You have to see this for yourself,

Nobody can do this for you,

Nobody,

I can tell you this,

Other teachers can tell you this,

But you have to look for yourself,

To see the reality of who you are,

The reality of how you are relating to your life and the things that we need to do in the external world,

Whether you're clinging and grasping and having aversion,

Or whether you're flowing,

And noticing,

Again,

Noticing throughout the day,

Not just noticing when you're lost in it,

But noticing when you're feeling good,

What's absent,

What's absent,

Ah,

The grasping,

The chasing at the getting the list done is absent,

So when we say in the five hindrances,

Greed,

Greed covers desire,

Chasing,

Wanting,

Lusting,

Grasping,

Right,

All of that,

Right,

In fact we're grasping at all of these,

But it's that mind movement of wanting something out there,

And the ill will,

Anger,

Resisting,

Aversion,

Fear,

Is all that mind movement of pushing back,

And the restlessness,

Right,

The restless activity is a little bit of the mind movement of,

It can come out in actually either chasing or resisting,

It can in fact be a little bit of both,

Because like,

Oh,

I need something to kind of get rid of this,

Or I need to push back on this,

The laziness,

Right,

Can be very much a not wanting,

Kind of a pushing back mindset,

And then the doubt,

The doubt,

Which is a pushing back,

A pushing back on us mindset,

And I'm just clarifying that,

That again,

All of,

Every mind movement that we're talking about is either I want,

I don't want,

The jealousy,

The comparing,

The envy,

The resentment,

The regret,

The anger,

The sadness,

All of them fall under these two mind,

Under these two mind movements,

But it is in Buddhism in particular,

Where the Buddha was very clear that these five hindrances,

These are the hindrances to our spiritual path,

To our practice,

To the peace,

So notice when these mind movements are here,

Of course,

Know your own specific ways in which these thoughts manifest,

If it's doubt,

If it's feeling unworthy,

If it's feeling unworthy because the tasks aren't done,

If it's feeling stressed,

Just because of the list,

Like however you,

You can label it in a way that helps you really see it and understand it,

So that you can,

By labeling it,

You understand like,

Ah,

Okay,

I gotta come in,

I've recognized,

Accept,

Breathe,

Be with it,

Investigate,

And then look for the not self,

Or not self is the last one,

Look for it,

Look for it,

Look for it,

This is for us to keep doing,

So looking for it,

But also when you're feeling good and you're feeling relaxed,

Again,

Investigate,

Like we,

Those are good times to investigate as well,

Is there any greed,

No,

We're chasing a wanting,

No,

Is there any ill will,

No,

No ill will,

Any restlessness,

No,

No laziness,

No doubt,

Wow,

And I feel really good,

And I feel really good,

Wow,

I thought it was because I got the list done,

I thought it was because I got over here,

I got some recognition or some praise,

It's actually the absence of all of these things,

That's why I feel so good,

So okay,

Yes,

Daily,

JG,

Daily,

Daily,

We should all know,

We should all know,

I have a talk on this,

Like our top 10 playlist of just the thoughts that are a little bit unique to us,

It doesn't have to be 10,

It could be two or three and change them out occasionally,

But to be aware of the thoughts that catch you,

That keep pulling you into the dream,

That keep pulling you into the illusion of separateness,

Because in the illusion of separateness,

We all feel unworthy,

We all feel stressed,

We all feel down,

And we're not seeing reality,

We're just playing a movie in our minds that is not reality,

So investigate,

Investigate,

Investigate,

Keep looking into the nature of who you are,

The nature of how things are arising and changing moment by moment,

Nothing is to be completed,

Nothing is to be completed,

Things come together,

Different projects finish,

Days begin,

And there's an,

You know,

Kind of an ending,

But it's all fluid,

And you are fluid,

Changing a process,

An activity that arises and changes moment by moment,

That's why there's no stress to stick,

Just arising and changing,

Doesn't mean that you can't get stress,

But it's not like in a sticky,

Heavy way,

Just,

Oh,

Stress is arising,

Okay,

Because it's probably relevant to something happening,

Right,

And then when it's over,

It's over,

You don't carry it around with us all day,

Right,

That's the difference,

Okay,

With that,

Why don't we,

Why don't we just take a one-minute meditation to end here,

And just close your eyes,

And just feel whatever is in your body right now,

And allowing it to be,

And bringing our hands to our heart center,

And dedicating the merit of our practice,

The merit from our meditation,

From the Dharma talk,

Just thinking of someone you care about,

Someone you'd like to share your merit with,

And when you're ready,

You can open your eyes,

Lots of love,

Lots of gratitude to all of you,

Thank you,

Thank you,

Enjoy the rest of your week,

And we will see you hopefully next Tuesday,

So be here,

Be present,

Pay attention to how you are arising in each moment,

And let go,

Let go,

Let go,

Let go,

Enjoy the ride that you are,

Enjoy the ride,

And when you forget,

Just begin again,

Just begin again,

No problem,

No problem,

No problem,

Just begin again,

Clean slate,

Fresh start,

Begin again.

Reviews

Excellent! I missed this session and am very grateful you record and post these sessions! Thank you!! 🙏🏼💕

another wonderful talk. so much to take in. I’m saving all your talks that i’ve listened to in these own playlists so i can return to them again and again- thanks 🙏✨🙏✨🙏✨🙏