Sangha: Being With What Is, Not Getting It Fast Enough

In this Sangha meeting from 4-11-24, we looked at being with what is, at the images we create that distract us from the path, how these images are all tied to the unworthy image, and the fear that we can have as spiritual practitioners of "not getting it fast enough".

Transcript

And I will just kind of add on from the meditation for a moment about this mind state,

This mindset of accepting our experience,

Of being with our experience,

Even when it's unpleasant or even when the mind is restless or the body is restless or you're feeling a little bit of stress or anxiety because maybe something's going on,

Maybe it's appropriate.

And we just,

We can get a little bit misguided on this path as thinking or this idea of thinking that I should only ever be this kind of monotone,

Calm,

Meaning I shouldn't have any other experiences.

I shouldn't have any ripples.

It should only just be this,

You know,

Just I'm moving very,

Very slow always.

I'm always talking very,

Very slowly.

There's never any a little bit of excitement or there's never a little bit of disappointment and that's just not realistic.

Yes,

You are calmer,

No question on this path,

We are calmer.

And yes,

The peace is always present but it's not because you force the calm or not because you force the restless mind down,

Not because you force the meditation but just the opposite,

You allow it,

You allow the restless mind,

You're sitting in meditation and the mind just it's going back and forth.

And instead of getting upset with it and thinking,

Oh,

This is going to be a bad meditation,

My mind's so busy,

So bad,

Right?

I mean,

That's what we start,

You know,

Berating our mind for being busy and thinking that somehow we're forcing the meditation that we're forcing the mind to settle down,

We're not forcing it at all,

We're getting it more agitated,

We're getting more upset with ourselves,

Right?

As opposed to just saying,

Oh,

Busy mind today,

Okay,

I see you busy mind,

Right?

And just breathing and oh,

Goes again,

Okay,

No problem,

Just keep bringing it back,

Oh,

Goes again,

No problem,

Keep bringing it back,

Like no problem,

No problem,

Right?

Or again,

The body's a little bit restless and you are struggling sitting because there's a little bit of restlessness in the body and that doesn't mean that maybe you can't even just decide to do walking meditation instead because there's some restlessness in the body,

But if that's not an option,

You're on an airplane,

On a long flight,

Right?

Just again,

Just accepting,

Okay,

The body's restless,

It's restless,

Okay,

All right,

Just breathe into that,

Be with that,

There's a little bit of anxiety just because you meditate does not mean that you won't ever experience anxiety,

Right?

Especially as old habits keep playing out,

But even there are appropriate times when there's a little bit of anxiety,

Right?

There's a little bit of anxiety here just before I get on the call,

There's the last few things that I'm doing,

I'm getting the dogs put away,

Right?

There's just a,

It's not like high,

But there's just a little bit and it's appropriate,

I'm about to come on a call,

I'm about to present some information,

I don't know what's going to come out of this mouth,

So you know,

It's like no,

Okay,

It's all right,

It's okay to feel that or if you're giving a presentation like it's perfectly normal to feel a little bit,

Right?

A little bit of butterflies is good,

Too much is not good because then we're getting lost in it or I shouldn't be feeling this and we're trying to push it down,

Then you're not going to show up and be your best,

But a little bit is good,

I'm a little bit more alert,

I'm a little bit more awake,

Right?

It's appropriate for the situation.

So just to keep that in mind,

Not to try and force what you should be feeling.

You can't force peace,

You can't force calm,

You can't force tranquility,

Right?

It's allowing what's happening,

That in that allowing,

In that welcoming,

In that breathing and creating space for whatever it is that you're experiencing in that moment,

Whatever it is,

That's where the peace comes from.

Oh,

Right,

Well,

That's how the peace is able to shine through,

I should say.

It's not coming from anywhere but it's here but the peace is able to shine through in the letting,

In the ah,

This is what's going on.

Even anger,

You have some anger about something,

Right?

Not getting lost in the stories,

The stories is a different matter because the stories are not happening.

However you're framing the anger at the difficult person or the person that cut you off on the freeway or your boss that did something or the family member that did something,

Right?

Whatever story you're telling yourself is not happening,

Is not real.

It's at best a slight exaggeration,

At worst it's an outright lie.

But the feeling of anger is real and so coming into your body,

Opening your heart to the anger in a loving way like you would a child,

Oh sweetheart,

What's going on here,

Right?

Opening yourself to it,

Allowing it to be.

It's not going to go away through the pushing back on it or I'm a bad meditator or spiritual practitioner because I'm feeling angry,

It's not going to go away just directing the anger more at yourself,

It's not going to change that way,

It just multiplies,

Right?

But the more we can allow and go,

Oh this too,

I can open my heart to this too,

Okay,

There's still some seeds of anger that are playing out here,

Okay,

No problem.

I can come out of the story that's probably blaming someone else for my anger,

Wanting to cause pain to someone else to relieve my anger,

Right?

To relieve my pain,

Sorry,

Coming out of that and coming in and just being with it in a kind and loving way and saying it's okay to feel this.

I'm not a bad meditator because there's anger here by being with what's here in a loving and kind and open and accepting way.

I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm opening my heart to even that which I see as unpleasant.

I am opening my heart to that.

That's what the practice is teaching us to do,

Not to shape ourselves into some model of what we think this looks like.

Anytime you make an image of what you think enlightenment or what a good spiritual person,

Anytime you make any image out of it,

Oh I've got to fit into this image because that's how this person looks and I want what they have so now I'm trying to imagine I'm like them.

That's not it,

That's forcing something.

It will look different for you versus you know Julia and Emma and Gary and Richard and Tim and Meredith,

We all are a little bit different.

It will look different for each of us.

The feeling of peace,

The feeling of love and compassion and kindness and wisdom and forgiveness,

Yes we can all relate to that right but how it looks on the external can be very different from person to person.

So don't make any image out of this,

Don't see the person that comes and teaches the class and don't assume that at other parts of their lives that they're not ever having a moment of stress,

Of anger,

Of just you know disappointment.

I mean I will say so ideally not a lot,

You shouldn't be listening to someone experiencing a lot of that but it doesn't mean that they're not human right?

So we want to be able to be realistic about this right,

Not create some image because I think we do often think even the Dalai Lama and I think many of us are familiar with the Dalai Lama,

We've seen him maybe just seen him in talks on YouTube and you know he's funny and he's just cute as a button and so wise and just you know just such a has such a good attitude right?

You can just see such such love and kindness in him and yet he admits that he can get angry from time to time right?

Not all the time otherwise I don't think he'd be the Dalai Lama,

I don't think we'd be listening to him that much but that he could admit that yeah occasionally it happens to me too right?

And I bet you I would bet you anything he does not beat himself up for if he needs to apologize I'm sure he goes and apologizes but that he's human and things still play out so you know just just to keep that in mind whatever it is that is your experience don't try and forcibly don't try and change it to fit some model of what you think this looks like just be with what's here allow it accept it being with it in the body there's no image if you're in the body so being with what's here it'll change don't do that don't accept it also don't don't try and come into it say well I'm going to allow it kind of in kind of thinking so that way I'm pushing it away that's not really pushing that's not really allowing but it will change it will change it will change not because you're trying to force it to change but because it just naturally will change on its own especially when you start feeding the story that was probably fueling most of the feelings right allowing whatever it is that's here to be here that's our practice one of our many practices so okay let me see I think julia's put something up here a comment oh good so the awareness of your projected image has been very eye-opening and turning towards self-compassion first before judgment feels like growth yeah and I know you've been doing the ego series um and we've been talking it was I think we talked about it mostly in the I think we talked about it mostly in the last class where and all these classes are up on my teacher's page on insight timer really that image that image we we get so lost in the image the the me as a disappointment the me as a loser the me is a failure and then ultimately the me is a spiritual person the me is an enlightened being any image is not it any anything that you anytime you try and make an image out of this on the spiritual path an image out of yourself that is not it you can't make an image out of this that's simply a thought created egoic separate self me an idea of what we think peace is but not peace an idea of what we think enlightenment is but not enlightenment so i'm so glad to hear that julia yeah anytime you start making an image of yourself i'm a meditator i'm a peaceful person you know i'm a teacher i'm a i'm a ceo i'm a employee i'm a mother i'm a thought like anytime you make an image out of anything it creates a little bit of stress because now there's an image to live up to well first of all you're not even measured you know especially with on the spiritual path you're just moving further away from it but even just the the conventional images that we have of all the different roles that we play and we do teacher student uh parent daughter sister brother uh friend um you know all of these different roles that we play whenever we make an image out of it it's like i've got to live up to that i've got to live up to the image of teacher now well that's a burden i don't want to live up to any images i mean if if anything then that makes me less of a teacher if i'm trying to live up to some image or if i'm trying to live up to the image of as being a student right anytime we have an image of ourselves in any capacity we are not the best version of that role that we are in because there's grasping at it right and if i can be if i'm the good mother i can be the bad mother if i'm the good friend i can be the bad friend if i'm the good teacher i can be the bad teacher and then we're just going back and forth as opposed to ah there's a role playing here teaching happening friending happening mothering happening okay sometimes it looks a little better than others okay no problem this is what's arising be with it right you're your best version without any images at all so i know you're saying you're using a lot of self-compassion and that is such a good practice for us to help us come into our experience to get out of whatever image it is that's arisen any suffering when you are suffering 100 there's an image there's an image it's i'm an unworthy person even even when we think oh look at me i'm great i did something great right even in that while it doesn't feel as bad as the unworthy image there's there's still some uh like um nervous energy around it you know because we're trying to we're trying you know it's a fleeting image right it comes and goes and we're trying to make it permanent and so even in that there's that little bit of nervous energy that little bit of grasping at that little bit of clinging because i'm feeling really good because i have an image of myself as having done something really good and when i first feel it or think it there's that little rush like oh and it does relatively speaking the rush initially feels kind of good relatively speaking not as good as peace but relatively speaking better than someone just criticized us you know you get that initial rush but then you've got to hold on to the image but it's fleeting and so you got to just keep you got to keep oh but hang on okay let me think about it again let me think about it again let me try and hold it let me there's nowhere for the image to land and we're trying desperately to get it to land and stick somewhere and then inevitably what happens as we keep thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it and trying to get it to stick trying to concretize an illusion what happens is eventually the mind then has moved to the bad image we find something well what if oh this was all going so great but then what if and then we start flipping over there and then remember what happened back there and oh yeah that's right that was a bad image the good image and the bad image are inextricably tied together you cannot have one without the other we we are all okay with letting go of the bad image nobody nobody argues with oh yes i should get rid of the unworthy image the unlovable the uh broken the lacking the small the limited and the loser me like yes i'm totally good with getting rid of all of those images no problem okay well every single one of those images are linked to its opposite i'm the winner i'm so worthy i'm so lovable i'm so um i say i'm a winner or whatever it is that's that's the the bad the other side of it the good is inextricably tied together you cannot have the good image of you without also having the bad image of you you have to be willing to give up all of the images if you want peace because you will not find peace in any image any images were an image of me as something and i'm in the illusion in the illusion i'm back in the illusion but when the image goes away i'm out of the illusion and i am actually my best because i'm not operating out of craving and resisting any longer oh i need them to see me this way right right anytime we're doing that we're not our best right if we if we need to try and appear as something we are not our best and of course the other side of that is the fear and what if i make a fool of myself and what if they criticize me and what if they blame me and so we've got this fear you know the the craving and the resisting the craving and the fear right as we think we're trying to do our best we're not doing our best under those circumstances we're just we're just stressed and nervous too much stress too much nervousness so yeah the image any image any image is not it we really have to be so careful on this path of making an image out of this of making an image out of this it's even why in buddhism when the buddha would describe it as the deathless try and make an image out of that and it's why in buddhism we don't talk so much about the true self that's kind of more in the vedic traditions you'll hear that from the eastern indian traditions and i will use the term true nature i have used the term true self in the past but traditionally in buddhism it's not the buddha was very careful to not make anything out of this and in fact even when he was asked there's many times when he would be asked a question and he wouldn't answer uh when he was asked does god exist he wouldn't answer so then the questioner asks does god not exist wouldn't answer does the self exist wouldn't answer is there is does is there no self that exists wouldn't answer because if you're told there is a self and even though we have it's it's a you know we say there's no self in buddhism but in this in this teaching that he was giving i think it's really important to take this to heart if someone asks and says is there a self is there a god you will immediately make an image out of it if you're told there is no god or if we were to answer to say there is no self then you go to a nihilism i don't exist and so he was really trying to walk that fine line of saying like whatever you think this is will not be it and if you make an image out of it you're going to get led astray you're not going to see it because you're going to be so fixated on what you think it is you won't see it and this is a challenge on the spiritual path because we think we come with our with the mind the craving mind the mind filled filled with um greed and and and aversion and we come with that mind thinking we know what this is what we know what what we excuse me that we know what enlightenment is what that looks like and that whatever you think it looks like is not it it will just take you it is it's just the ego disguised just disguised again it was disguised as comparing and jealousy and envy disguised as comparing and jealousy and envy over here and now it's disguised as a spiritual person as an enlightened person any image is not it and so self-compassion back to your comment there julie on self-compassion like that brings us into our experience coming out of the images when we've screwed up when we've said the wrong thing when we when our ego did come out and and you know um you know we acted in a way that that we're not you know we're not proud of but we don't want to beat ourselves up for either right so so again like just we want to accept like oh sweetheart yeah you had a little moment there didn't you sweetheart yeah that was a little ego came out there didn't it yeah it did yeah it did right using self-compassion to come in and be with your experiencer well sweetheart that hurt that hurt that was tough yeah it was tough right coming in and being with the experience feeling coming into the body feeling what's happening not fighting it not thinking oh my image you know what i'm feeling now isn't matching up with what my image of a peaceful meditator spiritual person enlightened person looks like and you come in and you be with your experience and you allow it and you accept it you're out of the illusion that's enlightenment i saw through the illusion of the ego the image and i came in to be with my experience that's waking up and it's to keep putting that together more and more of those moments to keep putting them together right to keep coming back and begin again and begin again and begin again no judgment because we had a moment we judged someone we judged ourselves we compared ourselves no problem for what happened begin again begin again yes if apologies are necessary they should be said not from our ego but just yeah okay i messed up i'm so sorry i'm so sorry if i hurt you i'm so sorry if that was rude or i'm so sorry right but to just keep coming back and really in forgiveness forgiving ourselves always forgiving ourselves first because we're human we don't allow ourselves to be human on the spiritual path we go from beating ourselves up in one way and then and we really do have a whole new wardrobe of ways to beat ourselves up on the spiritual path whole new toolbox i guess i should say ways to to torture ourselves you're human you're human it's okay allow yourself to be imperfect no one is perfect enlightened beings are not perfect they're not beating themselves up about it anymore that's the difference they're no longer beating themselves up because they're not living up to any image and when you're not living up to an image you do tend to um you know act in ways that are actually much more just appropriate right you're having a discussion with someone and they have a difference of opinion just because you have woken up to the illusion of uh of separateness seeing that that's a lie doesn't mean that you don't have opinions or views of course you do you're just not attached to them so when you're having a discussion with someone and they're sharing their views and you're sharing yours you're not getting angry you're not getting irritated you don't have they don't have to agree with you that's not the point we're having a discussion learning oh that's interesting this is what i've read but i haven't read everything maybe you've read something i haven't read is that attachment is gone so when you're having a discussion you're not trying to force your opinions down someone else's throat creating creating uh more suffering more anger right that's what the ego does but when there's no image to live up to the image of i have to be right we can just have a nice pleasant conversation with someone even while disagreeing the less attached you are to your opinion the more open you are to hearing the more easily the conversation flows it's more pleasant so i think we tend to the the more you wake up to that you are not this image the more you live your life more mindfully more peacefully you don't create a lot of drama any longer you're not perfect though you're not perfect and everyone can trip and fall you said you speak enough something will come out that was like oh i mean not doesn't have to be hurtful or painful or something but just like oh oh actually why did i put that word there that wasn't that wasn't right every now and then when i go back because i record these classes and then i post them up later and especially at the end because sometimes we've gone like two and a half hours and i can see at the end i'm probably getting a little tired and something comes out like oh that's actually not exactly right just maybe need to cut out one word probably you got the context because you were here for the whole thing but every now and then it's like oh yeah that that so for the purpose of a recording i'll just edit that one little word out i did it just in the one i put up yesterday because i think i called i was talking at the end about the illusion and i called it the illusion of suffering i think what i meant to say was the illusion of separateness okay no problem even if i just put it up just as is i think the general context people would get the idea but yeah it doesn't mean that things don't occasionally come out slightly and that you don't make mistakes that you don't you're not going to stop making mistakes you're not going to suddenly become charismatic if you're not a charismatic person now you're not going to suddenly become charismatic you know the person that all of a sudden you imagine oh you're going to be at the party always knowing exactly what to say no i mean if you're um again the difference is it's not that you always know what to say it's not that you're always on it's that you don't beat yourself up because there was an awkward moment just an awkward moment that's those were the conditions that were arising just an awkward moment that's those were the conditions that were arising no problem no apology needed just an awkward moment just an awkward moment okay we'll take a look i think Daphne has a question so from Daphne um sometimes i have panic around how long it's taking me to find peace i find old patterns keep repeating so uh yeah i mean i think that's part of the struggle that we have especially as we become more mindful um you probably all heard this before but it really is true uh sometimes the more mindful we can become it can it can almost feel like i'm suffering more because before i knew i was suffering but i didn't quite know the extent of what was going on in my thoughts let's say right and then as you start to become more mindful and you have those periods of peace when you're you're meditating and and you have those few minutes maybe it's just a few minutes or you have those moments of gratitude of kindness practice these little moments of peace and then um you know those old thought patterns are still playing out and you're more aware of them and in in that being more aware of them it's almost like we suffer a little bit more it's like well now i mean i was kind of ignorant and delusional back there i'm still ignorant and delusional but i'm more aware of my ignorance and my delusions and it can be a little bit painful so it's good to be aware of that and to recognize it's again this idea that we have that it's taking a long time anytime you're saying it's taking a long time you're lost in the illusion time only exists really like in our memories if we're looking in that context it's like in my memories is how time exists time is a conventional time is conventional it's not absolute it's helpful i knew to be on this call an hour ago at noon because i had scheduled it my clock over here said it was noon and i came on the call so it's helpful but it is still part of the illusion but it is still part of the illusion there really is nothing but this moment the rest of it's just in our thoughts and so when you're saying to yourself i feel like it's taking a long time you're measuring something in your thoughts the me that's not performing according to this powerpoint presentation in my head of where i should be now keeping you further away from it wherever you are is exactly where you should be exactly where you should be based on all of your causes and conditions you are exactly where you should be and it is in accepting that you relax oh i'm exactly where i should be because again if i'm having this idea that it's taking me a long time you've you've you've had something in your mind it's out here oh it's taken me a long time to get over here right all of this is in your thoughts there's no there's no it's just your subjective view of this and it's just another way that we get tricked back into the old egoic patterns again the master of disguise the master of disguise the ego you're not doing it fast enough you're not as good as you thought you were you should be more peaceful by now right and we all we listen and go you're right it's not happening fast enough right and we're just right back up in the illusion so be mindful of that daphne that's and for everyone on the spiritual path here to be mindful of that little you know little ego kind of you know you're not getting it you should be further along by now no you're exactly where you should be where you should be and if you're in the hole you're in the hole for those of you know the story where i talk about when you're in the hole right you're in the hole you're suffering you're pushing back on something that's exactly where you should be exactly where you should be there's something to learn here so there's something for you to learn here right now daphne and for everyone so i appreciate you saying this this bringing this point up because every one of us has had that thought before daphne we also think we tend to think that all the thoughts are original in mind no they're not all of our thoughts are the result of our culture our ego by the way is the result of our culture and our society if we were brought up in a very in a radically different culture say a an indigenous type tribe like let's say in in north america the indians before the europeans came where for the most part they were living pretty peaceful lives and balanced with nature fairly egalitarian societies um and you know there wasn't any ownership of anything and so you know while they all had a sense of individualness that was more of a secondary kind of thing to the the sense of oh we're all one i'm a part of the universe i'm a part of nature i'm an animal i'm a part of of this whole ecosystem right and so the thoughts that they would have would be you know they would still be thinking right thinking is thinking's not bad even a little egoic thinking is not bad in and of itself especially for that type of culture where it's not where where the ego has not become the master where it's instead it's secondary so it's a good assistant it's not a good master it's not a good ceo and so the thoughts that they would have would be uh would be representative of their society not original to them to each person but thoughts that are kind of floating around and so the thoughts that we have are um relevant to a society and a culture that values individualism materialism wealth power fame status beauty uh youth right this is what our culture uh money i probably didn't say money this is what it values and so out of that our thoughts are around the culture the values of our culture and and again for the time period that we were born in and where we were born and and whether you're you were you're a woman or a man how old you are uh what type of media you consume so none of our thoughts are original we we tend to think oh i'm the only one sitting here that's having this thought i should be further along everyone's having it every if you haven't had it yet and maybe Daphne has now given you the gift of seeing this ahead of time so you don't get lost in it but it's most spiritual practitioners have this thought you are not alone Daphne it is a common thought and it is another disguise of the ego me not getting there fast enough right that's an image me falling behind any image is not it so thank you for sharing that Daphne because i think you i i know other people here have had that that thought and if you haven't had it yet it's going to come and hopefully because of Daphne's kindness of writing that you're going to be prepared when it does come well i think Julia you were just referring to what i was saying before so i'm glad you recognize the dialogue actually that's a great another point yeah you recognize it very familiar dialogue in your head we all know it it's all the same it's all the same thoughts nothing's original here and hi Kimmy nice to see you so first time here just started the ego series when your ego Mara jumps in and all i think is i'm in a super mario brothers not real game with music sound is that oh is that funny yes it is like a i mean it is it's like our little characters running through this game and there's all these obstacles i mean it's really we can be driving down driving down the freeway perfectly safe everything is okay but in our mind our little avatar is facing all these obstacles and it's trying to get over there because it believes that if it gets over there it's not just going to get the extra points it's going to find eternal happiness and be complete it's going to find the peace over there that this whole game this is this is and it's kind of why i call it the ego game the series that we just did that's all up on my teacher's page uh it's like a game we we are running through there is no prize for getting things done faster for acquiring more things for getting more titles for stressing ourselves out there is no prize for any of this for getting your to-do list done faster than just some imaginary goal that you had in your head but there is a price i mean we lose we we we don't we miss our lives we miss our lives entirely because we're so lost in the game i'm winning right this is what we think i'm winning all of a sudden something something good happens yay you know someone gave you some praise you got a promotion you got a book deal something like something happened yay like that's awesome enjoy it don't the good feelings but don't go up into the image and like look now i'm winning i'm ahead right you think your little mario character is like further ahead now right because as long as you're up there then you're you're just in the illusion you're just always in the illusion and you're never appreciating where you are right we we rush through every part of our lives as though there's some prize at the end and we never get to that we never get to the completion right the game just starts again oh it starts again oh i got there it was exciting for a few moments now i'm sad because actually it didn't fulfill me the way i thought it should have and again that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy the game that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy the good things in life and and not that we don't even have the the desires to say you want to get promoted or you want to you want to get a book deal you want to go on a holiday you want something like there's nothing wrong with wanting things or even wanting to improve in your career to learn something to make a change there's nothing wrong with any of those things but the moment we attach a belief to i'll be happy when i get there all that's going to happen is as we're driving around we're brushing our teeth we're showering we're eating our meals we're just lost in the game am i getting there am i getting there oh no i'm falling behind because something happened oh no you know and we're just watching this little game you know our little our little avatar going back and forth missing our entire lives and then ultimately for the big disappointment because we get there and it's like yay and it feels good and it should feel good but we don't understand that it's fleeting that that new promotion the new title the new partner the new car the new holiday they're just fleeting experiences they can't complete you so then the disappointment sets in that didn't work what next well i guess it wasn't the the vp role i guess i better go for the senior vp role let me go back up and start chasing again yeah we're rushing through every little i mean just the little things we're in in our house doing the dishes doing the dishes i talk about the dishes a lot because we tend to think of like doing the dishes is not part of life and we're rushing through the dishes you know the mind there's nothing really it's nothing even that i just want to get done with the dishes so i can i don't know hop on the sofa and watch something right you've got something to watch on netflix with your partner or something and you're rushing through the dishes the dishes by the way that at one point you were on a dopamine high buying that we're going to complete you or the new pots and pans that we're going to complete you at one point right rushing through not appreciating what you've got right there not feeling the peace that is inherent here in this moment we're so lost in the addiction of the stress hormones that because we've got one foot on the brake one foot on the accelerator and we're so uh lost in that feeling of always like oh gotta get somewhere i gotta push back on that because it's stopping me from getting over there and we're so addicted to the stress even though it doesn't feel good that we we don't even realize how unpleasant the experience is and that we have completely forgotten how to be just how to be i mean we tell ourselves oh your soup maybe you're going through a busy stressful time in your life and and we all do this when we're busy oh i just can't wait until i just can't wait until this is all over and i have nothing to do when there's just absolutely nothing it's going to be so great right an image me peaceful nothing to do on the other side of all this and then whenever we have those moments when there's nothing going on instead of enjoying it instead of like this is great there's nothing going on you go i'm bored i don't like this something's wrong let me go back up into my little avatar here there's an obstacle i'm bored right we spend time fantasizing about it only to get there and it's like well i didn't really mean nothing right because we don't know how to be we don't know how to feel like to feel the joy of existing to feel and appreciate and be okay and and to just feel that sense of peace of openness of spaciousness and to to use our senses to see and to hear and to touch and to taste and to smell you know we're eating one meal thinking about the next meal i mean this we're not tasting what's going on right now we don't even know how to taste anymore right maybe the first bite oh this is so good and then we're just shoveling in more we're not even chewing it all the way we're talking we're watching something we're thinking about the next meal we're thinking about how quickly now can i i was all morning you're thinking about what you're going to have for lunch you're you're trying to get through your lunch because now you got to get back to the office you know it's this endless chase endless chase it's a it's it's like we're living in and as you know um kim because you're doing the series in the ego game like i i start out by talking it's like we're living in a vr headset that's the illusion we every time we go up in this vr headset we split ourselves into two and the one that's in control is the one in the vr headset that's what's directing this and we go rushing oh yes i gotta go get there the body's moving through time and space fast stressed anxious oh they're coming to get me even though no one's coming to get me the clock's ticking even though there is no clock ticking i gotta get there faster right because this little image in our head is like a little tyrant cracking the whip get over there get over there and you get there okay that was good now get over there okay let me get over there oh this is a problem got stuck in traffic what a nightmare right we are we are we are giving all of our attention to the game the video game the vr headset the delusion and we are missing our lives even when you are present this is part of the challenge it's almost because again the addiction of the stress that we're under so much of the time even just that little bit of tension just that little just just a little bit i gotta get there a little faster it doesn't feel like really big just a little bit i gotta get there a little faster a little faster we're so addicted to that that when we feel the peace like the peace that comes for moments just a few moments when we get there not because of anything in the external world but simply because the chasing went away for a few moments the illusion went away for a moment i got there that's what feels so good that piece of i'm out of the game for a few minutes but even then it's like oh i better not stay here too long there's something to do somewhere to be gotta get back to the stress we don't even trust the peace of the present moment it's almost uncomfortable to some degree it feels good in the first few moments and then it's like it's like a it like a drug addict need that adrenaline again need that cortisol need that dopamine you know the little itch got to get back up in there so there is a little bit of discomfort in that in not you know kind of not going back up into the game kind of not going back up into the game there's that a little bit of discomfort there and going no i'm just going to be with it i'm just going to feel it breathe it's not going to kill you you can feel your feelings they're not going to kill you and just come in and feel it wow i was i was so lost there i'm back but it does those those first few breaths can feel a little bit uncomfortable as you're more consciously bringing yourself into the present moment actually always consciously bringing yourself into the present moment right becoming more conscious more aware and then it's like ah okay and like we talked about in the meditation and and at the beginning of our talk okay there's a little stress and anxiety here no problem no problem whatever's here is here and i can open my heart to whatever it is that's here and i can breathe and i can create space and i can allow it to be here right oh stress it's okay you're here it's okay you can be here it's okay anxiety you can be here befriending our emotions we're not again anytime we're pushing back anytime we're resisting creating a reversion that's the illusion right because how do we push back in our thoughts this shouldn't be happening i shouldn't have said that i'm such an idiot i'm such a loser that's how we push back in our thoughts so any pushing back is still the illusion oh anger you're here okay okay my love my anger okay not the story but come into it and still you can talk right self-compassion is kind self-talk talking to ourselves in a way that brings us into our experience versus pushing us off the edge all right so coming in just you could be with this breathe and feel it and it's okay and it's okay to feel whatever it is that i'm feeling right now it is okay to feel this let me just keep breathing and allowing it to be and then the piece that a few minutes ago you were telling yourself you're not getting there fast enough you're like oh it was here it was here it was here the whole time and it wasn't because i needed to have some experience of being peaceful i just needed to be with my experience i just needed to feel it i just needed to accept and welcome it and open my heart to it and it was here and i can still feel a little bit of residual tension or a little bit of uh whatever residual feelings are still there which aren't you know necessarily pleasant okay and they're okay here too and that's okay too they can all be here and it is an accepting your experience in the present moment being with it being with it in the body not the story that's not being with it it's a little bit uncomfortable those first few breaths we're so used to just going right back up getting that hit even though that hit of the stress the adrenaline the cortisol the norepinephrine even though it doesn't really feel good there's a little itch for it oh it's been 10 minutes i haven't had the stress need a little more right so it's a little bit uncomfortable just come back and feel welcome be with what's here okay let's look at a couple more questions here and oh my i'm glad i'm glad this is relatable thank you for the hearts oh monica okay and i'm so glad that you're here with us uh leslie and leslie you've been with us before yes the prize versus the price yeah we're paying a steep price for this a very steep price and yes kimmy it is the now the now is all that is all that is it's all that is everything else is just a fantasy and if you can't be happy now then don't bother making any plans ellen watts has a quote about that i totally just marked it mucked it up paraphrased it but if you cannot be happy in the present moment forget making any plans because you will not be happy when you get there you will just move the goal again that's all we keep doing and yeah julia yeah we really we do not trust the peace of the present moment we don't trust it we have an idea of what peace looks like as though it should be again it's like this i know i'm not alone in this image either going on some meditation retreat and you kind of imagine oh me on the retreat actually julia and i we did just talk about this recently um and you kind of imagine oh me on the retreat and there's going to be this one session of the meditation and it's going to happen i'm going to be enlightened and everyone else is going to get up from the hall and leave but i'm just going to sit there because i'm in my deep state of samadhi and then hours later i will get off my cushion and float to my room like we we have an image of this of like it's just it's going to be this angels and um harps and just all this like ah all these things happening and of course that's just not how it plays out it is in that just is just in this moment feeling the as camille was saying here you don't feeling my unworthiness and being with it i'm being with it it's that little bit of discomfort in the beginning and but to keep coming back and to keep you know i say this teaching again and again i have a talk on my teacher's page begin again begin again begin again if you if you don't begin again then you are not on the path beginning again means no judgment for what just happened that is just the ego coming in another back door judging ourselves because we lost it because we had an unmindful moment because you were rushing through something but then you caught it begin again breathe fresh start clean slate just begin again feeling that little bit of discomfort in the beginning and then as you come back breathe fresh start clean slate just begin again feeling that little bit of discomfort because the the mind is already over here and it's uncomfortable when the mind is ahead of the body when we're rushing through life with our mind over here so there's discomfort and as the mind starts coming into the body as you become one again has the duality um has the illusion of duality starts to go away and you just come into the breath a little bit of discomfort because the pull is the pull in those thoughts is so compelling it's about me right the thoughts are always about me and we see ourselves as the most important person in the world because through the illusion of separateness through the ego i see myself as the center of the universe and it's why when i'm stuck in traffic and i'm late i count all the other cars as being in my way but i don't count my car as being part of the traffic or when i'm waiting you're you're at a restaurant waiting for a table and you count all the other people that are waiting creating an inconvenience for you not thinking about how oh i'm also creating an inconvenience for someone else we always see ourselves as the center of the universe in our little illusion and that feels awful it does not feel good to view the world that way because from this perspective i um i'm a victim because of the traffic i'm outraged because they didn't speak to me appropriately right they didn't greet me in a friendly way when i walked in the store when i walked in the store couldn't be that they're having a tough day that person that cut me off how dare they do that to me because i've never cut anyone off couldn't dare give them the benefit of the doubt right and so because it's always about me being the most important it's so compelling and there's this this belief that somehow i am holding everything together in my thoughts so if i take my attention away from me in my thoughts i won't i won't place myself on that important pedestal that i should be on and everything might fall apart so it's very compelling the thoughts about me and yet that's where our suffering is coming from because we don't see ourselves as part of the universe we see ourselves as the center of it we see ourselves as separate from everyone else it's what are you doing over there how is it affecting me i'm the center of the universe not a part of it we have no compassion for other people they're just in my way i am most important i need to get over there we take everything personally i mean this is how this is when we live in the game the video game the vr headset the ego this is how we feel it's not reality the reality is you are a part of the universe that you are a part of this tapestry that every single one of us is arising i know you guys have heard me say this a million times but this is reality every single one of us is arising interdependent interconnected and we are all part of this tapestry interdependent interconnected there is nothing separate about us we think there is and therefore we think we're the most important and it is that delusion that creates so much suffering for us for those around us for our world i mean you just look at the the fighting that's going on right now the anger the hatred the vitriol that we can have for other people simply for having different views and opinions not understanding oh they have their views and opinions because of all of their causes and conditions if i had their causes and conditions i would have those same views mine aren't mine aren't more special they're just the arising of this one house of all the millions and billions and trillions and causes of conditions of this one who my parents were where i was born who my siblings were what schools i went to what friends i hung out with what kind of experiences i've had what kind of media i've consumed all of these things giving rise to views and opinions here not unique or not sorry not i mean they could possibly be a little bit unique but they're they're not special to me but they are the arising of all these millions and billions and trillions of different things and that is the reality that we are all arising interdependent and interconnected even just how we live our day today where we assume like i bought my i bought the food to be able to make my meals i'm so my meals i'm so independent well did you grow every bit of that food most of us did not grow all of our food did you make the pots and pans and the dishes that you use to prepare the food no other people did that did you build your own house i didn't build this house did i make i didn't make my clothes i didn't make the computer that we're doing this on right now i didn't invent the internet that we're doing this across we are having this dialogue right now because of all of these millions and billions of people that have all played their role all the teachers that each and every one of us have had every teacher that i've had is is coming throughout in a unique way delivered to you based on all the experiences of meredith all the practices of meredith all of her causes and conditions we can think we are separate and that's what that is the problem we think we are separate if i think i'm separate i can feel unworthy unlovable lacking broken but when i recognize when i realize i didn't do any of this this is just arising through millions and billions and trillions of causes and conditions there is something here having an experience but i'm not doing any of this there's nothing here independent to be unworthy to be unlovable and just to echo your comments and just to echo your comments again kimmy i felt that for a long long time a long long time that's what brought me on this path after therapy and a few other things you know that's what the separate self does it makes us feel unworthy it doesn't matter how things are looking on the outside inside we feel like fraud we feel um um broken that's what the separate self does it will never make you it will never allow you to feel whole and complete you cannot feel whole and complete when you are separating yourself into two we've got to come out of the illusion of separateness so really so just so we'll come to the end here whatever is happening whatever unpleasant feeling you're having be on the lookout for that the thoughts are so fast they're so fast and they're so in there come in and feel it and as you guys know from the ego game series that i use from the story ego game series that i use from the story of the buddha i see you mara i see you mara right just saying that i see you mara i start to create a little bit of separation from you know not believing on that but ah i see you mara and come in and feel and breathe and whatever it is that you're experiencing feeling in the body not the story just allow yourself to feel it's okay to feel whatever it is it's okay to feel and just be with it to keep being with it to come into the body because that is first few breaths are a little bit even just that pull there is a little bit uncomfortable but we've got to keep breaking the habit to keep coming into the body and feeling it to get past that little bit of discomfort because of the pull to go up into your thoughts to come in the other direction to do the opposite that everything in your head is screaming no no no no no go up there everything's going to fall apart if you don't so everything in your experience is saying no no no go back there it's not easy to come in so so start with little things little things your mind's just a little bit ahead of you just it's on to the next thing you're doing the dishes and it's on to being in the living room you're in the living room and it's on to getting ready in the bathroom for bed you're in the bathroom it's on to getting you know into bed or you're getting ready for work and you're already at work or you're already on the freeway whatever it is just noticing those little mind movements breathe and come back just those little ones and those little pushbacks those you know that little like oh this shouldn't be happening i'm stuck in traffic just the little ones the little disappointments the little irritations like notice all those little things every single one of them the mind going out ahead of you or the mind pushing back there's a tightening there's a clenching be on the lookout i see you mara breathe and let me feel this and it's okay to feel this there's no beating myself up here because whatever's happening is happening and i'm coming into my experience to be with it it's okay to feel whatever it is that i'm feeling and we're not doing this to push it away we're coming in to be with our experience accepting it allowing it and then you will find ah i thought my piece was going to be over there piece was going to be over there actually that was just my stress and anxiety but i came into it and i'm okay i'm okay again okay so practice keep looking for the image looking for mara if you're unfamiliar with that story again on my teacher page i think the class is called understanding the ego the first class and we talk about the story about the buddhas waking up so that you got to catch it you're never gonna you are never going to find peace and contentment in your thoughts you will never ever find it it's in coming out and then learning to trust the present moment you will not fall apart you will be better and you'll be peaceful okay so thank you all so much

Reviews

Loved this talk Meredith, thank you.

Another amazing talk. what if you can’t name what you’re feeling? I often am feeling something in the body but i’m not sure what it is…anger? frustration? fear? anxiety? restless? do i need to be able to name it?

So much in this talk. I’ll have to go back and listen to it again. (and maybe again.) 🤔😊🙏