Presence Never Left You: Awakening Is In Plain Sight

Most of us search for awakening as if it's somewhere else - some future moment, deeper state, or in some perfected version of ourselves. Yet what we long for is never missing. Presence has never left.

In this Dharma talk, we explore how the ego turns awakening into a mythical destination and then convinces us that we’ve “lost” it. We look closely at how the mind creates a seeker, a path, and a future enlightenment — and how this subtle movement keeps us chasing what is already here.

Through mindfulness and direct inquiry, we question the thoughts that whisper, “I had it,” “I lost it,” or “I need to get it back.” As we shine gentle attention on these assumptions, the “me” behind them begins to dissolve. What remains is the ordinary, open presence that was here the whole time.

Awakening isn’t something we achieve. It’s what’s revealed whenever we see through the one who thinks it needs to awaken.

Transcript

And we are going to use a story from the Sufi wisdom tradition today,

Revisit our old friend Nasruddin.

And in this story we find Nasruddin as a trader.

And every morning Nasruddin awakens and he goes and puts all of his wares,

All the things that he's going to be selling and trading for the day,

On his donkeys.

So he has all of these pouches and satchels and bags and he's stuffing them all on all the donkeys.

And every day he goes to the to the neighboring town to sell his wares,

But he has to cross through a border guard.

And the border guards are always stopping him and checking through every single thing that Nasruddin has.

They are convinced that he is smuggling something.

So they're looking,

They're checking on each donkey,

They're looking everywhere,

They're looking in the bags,

But they can never find anything.

And then years later the border guards,

They're retired,

Nasruddin's retired.

And Nasruddin finds himself in one of the tea rooms one day and he runs into one of the old border guards.

And they sit and they have a little chat and they talk about old times and they talk about how pleasant retirement is.

And eventually the old border guard asks him,

He says,

Look,

We know you were smuggling something.

We could never find it,

But it doesn't matter anymore.

What was it?

Tell me now.

What was it that you were smuggling?

And Nasruddin says,

Donkeys.

I was smuggling donkeys.

So much like the border guards that were looking everywhere for what was in plain sight.

We do the same thing on the spiritual path,

Looking everywhere for enlightenment,

For awakening,

For presence when it is in plain sight right here and now.

And part of the problem of what we are looking for is that we have built enlightenment,

Awakening into this supernatural state,

This magical,

Mystical state where,

You know,

We're this perfect being and everyone adores us and we have all the right opinions and no one ever disagrees with us and we never make any mistakes.

And we kind of put ourselves up on this pedestal,

Right?

Enlightenment is on this pedestal of just the very few that can attain it.

And we're so busy looking for that,

We miss seeing presence,

What is right here and now.

And so,

The ego that starts us off on the spiritual path,

It is the ego that wants suffering to end.

And so,

As we come on the spiritual path and we hear about the state of enlightenment,

The state of ease,

The state of peace,

The state of equanimity,

The ego starts imagining enlightenment,

What it is.

And every time it imagines it,

The myth gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

And then very cleverly,

The ego reinvents itself into the seeker of enlightenment.

And so,

The quest now begins.

We're on the spiritual journey and we're learning meditation and we're learning mindfulness and heart practices and self-inquiry and we're hearing the wisdom teachings.

And all of these things are good,

Right?

But the ego,

Of course,

We know this,

We've looked at this,

How it can take the practices and start to wrap more of an identity around the practices,

Not seeing that the practices are a means,

Not an end,

Right?

So,

We know that,

We know how the ego can co-opt our practices,

But it's also at the same time using our practices to reinforce that enlightenment is out there,

It's somewhere in the future.

And there's always something more that I need to be doing.

I need to be meditating more,

I need to be meditating better,

I need to be better at mindfulness,

Right?

Like,

Last week I was just,

Or right now,

I'm just not mindful right now,

Or I'm just not getting the teachings.

It's just,

I need to understand it a little bit more.

There's always something more to do,

Something more to know,

Something more to uncover.

And in this way,

The ego keeps enlightenment just out there a little bit further in front of us.

And so,

The whole ruse that the ego is pulling over on us is that once we get there,

Once we finally get all of these things in order,

Then the ego can be enlightened.

As if the ego,

We're going to be here for enlightenment.

It's not.

Enlightenment is the absence of the ego.

And it's why Trungpa Rinpoche says that enlightenment is the ego's ultimate disappointment.

It so wants to be there to enjoy what it envisions enlightenment is.

And yet,

Enlightenment is its absence.

And so,

Our practices,

The Dharma talks,

Meditation,

Mindfulness,

Self-inquiry,

Heart practices,

Are all helping us to recognize,

To see how the ego is arising.

All of the different ways that it's arising.

And that's why we spend so much time looking at all of the ways that it's arising when we're comparing,

Or we're judging,

Or we're chasing happiness over there,

We're pushing back on something,

Right?

We're trying to control something.

We're still hanging on to that criticism that we received,

You know,

10 years ago,

Right?

And we're still trying to come up with that perfect solution.

So,

We're trying to see how the ego is arising to catch it.

And to also be clear,

It is the suffering.

The ego is the suffering.

This is what we're waking up from.

The ego isn't awakening.

The ego isn't being improved.

It's the seeing,

I'm not that,

That is awakening.

But even on the spiritual path,

It's so clever,

It just continues to trick us again,

And again,

And again.

Where we have periods of time where we're present,

And everything's just,

You know,

Kind of pretty easy.

We're feeling pretty good.

We're not really getting lost in our thoughts too much,

Nothing too sticky.

And we can spend hours,

Days,

Weeks,

Sometimes months,

Really present.

Everything's,

You know,

Just pretty chill.

And then something changes,

Right?

Conditions change.

And something happens that is a little bit more intense.

The thoughts are a little bit more intense.

They're a little more sticky.

And because we've had this contrast now of relative ease and peace to now this kind of,

Oh,

The suffering,

There is this recognition that I was present,

And now I'm not.

And instead of just recognizing,

Oh,

I just got lost again,

Right?

No problem,

Just got lost again for a moment.

The ego doubles down.

In fact,

It just digs its claws in here.

And now it takes this opening,

Right?

And what it does is that it claims,

After the fact that it was the one that was present,

And now I've lost it,

And now I've got to get it back.

So it wasn't there for it,

But now it's got to get it back.

And now there's something I need to do in order to get it back.

And we start spinning in our thoughts.

We go further down the rabbit hole,

Because I lost it,

And now I've got to get it back.

So now we're thinking about what can I do?

You know,

I need to get better at my meditation practice,

Or maybe what it is is that I need a new meditation practice,

Because it didn't last.

So it must not be working what I'm doing,

Right?

Maybe I need a new teacher.

Maybe I need some new secret special mantra.

Maybe I need to go on another retreat.

It just keeps dangling this out again in front of us and saying,

No,

No,

No,

You need to do more,

Because you lost it.

Or even it will start,

Again,

It wasn't there,

But now it'll start doubting that it even happened.

Was it even real?

You know,

You thought you were so awake,

You thought you were so enlightened.

I'm not sure it was even real,

Right?

So now it's sowing the seeds of doubt,

And all that comes with that,

And the frustration and the disappointment,

Oh my God,

I'm just right back where I started.

What happened?

And the ego just did this brilliant maneuver,

Right?

It wasn't there for it,

But it claims that it was,

And it claims that it lost it,

And now it's got to get back to it.

And now there's all this activity that has to happen to get back to it.

And so the ego's just kind of done this little trick.

It's kind of standing back thinking,

Oh,

She's not noticing me at all,

Right?

I'm not the problem.

I'm not the problem.

You're the one that's the failure.

You're the one that didn't make this last,

Right?

Because this is the identity that it wraps us up and again,

Now I'm a failure.

I suck at this.

What's going wrong?

Why do I keep ending up back here?

Because once again,

It didn't last.

And on the spiritual path,

For most of us,

Enlightenment is a gradual process.

It is a gradual awakening.

And I know that there are some individuals that have had a spontaneous,

Sudden enlightenment.

That is very,

Very rare.

It does not happen very often.

And of course,

The stories of that,

It's a much more dramatic and interesting story of a sudden enlightenment versus a gradual enlightenment.

So they tend to get a little bit more attention.

And then also in a lot of the stories,

A lot of the Zen stories,

It's the sudden enlightenment.

It's Satori,

Right?

Because it kind of wraps the story up in a nice little package for us.

I mean,

A gradual awakening doesn't really fit with the Zen story,

Right?

Or just these little parables.

So it's often painting this as a sudden enlightenment.

And so our egos hearing this,

We get very attached to the idea that not only is it supernatural,

And it's mystical,

And it's magical,

And it's for the very few,

That when it happens,

When there's presence,

It should last,

It should stick,

It should stay.

And it just doesn't work that way for most of us.

But we make it a problem.

We make it this big problem that it didn't last.

And so we're giving more fuel to the ego just for us to get lost.

We can get lost for hours,

For weeks,

For months,

Simply because it didn't last.

Right?

So instead of just recognizing,

Like,

I just got lost,

We make it a big thing again,

The search is on again.

And so our practice is to notice these thoughts,

To notice,

I lost it.

Notice,

I've got to get it back.

Notice,

It didn't last.

Right?

Because behind all these thoughts,

As we're always talking about with the ego,

With the thought created me,

Behind the thought,

I lost it,

Is the belief that there's a little solid independent me that lost it,

That is,

In fact,

The failure of this.

This is the assumption.

Right?

And so when we question it,

Who lost it?

Who needs to get back?

Who needs to make it last?

So now we're shining a spotlight.

And because there's nothing there,

It's just thoughts,

Giving the illusion of something solid behind it that has just gone unchecked our whole lives.

And now we're checking it and we're seeing,

Is there something there?

And you see there is nothing there.

And then the whole illusion is unwound.

All of a sudden,

Without your attention,

Lost in the separate self that was a failure a minute ago,

Presence,

Presence that never left,

Present presence isn't coming and going.

It's our attention that keeps coming and going.

Our attention goes up to the thought created me.

I've got to get back somewhere.

And then all the fuel that goes with it.

And then in the scene,

I'm not that.

The illusion is seen through.

The illusion is seen through and presence,

The presence that was always here,

Awakening in this moment,

Awakening because we saw what we're not.

And we're simply being.

And so enlightenment,

Awakening itself is,

Of course,

Very ordinary.

It's not some mystical state.

It's simply being without the story of me.

Right?

It's seeing and hearing and feeling and tasting and smelling without this filter between experience,

Right?

It's just directly experiencing these things,

Not what can I get out of it and I've got to get over there and I don't like the sound that's happening over there.

It's without the filter.

What's extraordinary is the relief from the thought created me.

That is what feels so extraordinary.

From no longer having the burden of constantly thinking about yourself,

Of questioning what everyone thinks about you,

Of questioning what do I think about myself and why did I do that back there and why is their life so much better than mine?

That is what is extraordinary,

Is the relief from that.

But we have all had many,

Many,

Many moments of being awake throughout our lives,

Many moments.

This is not an extraordinary state.

Our happiest moments are when we're awake and we have all had them.

In itself,

Enlightenment is not far.

It's not outside of us.

It's not over there.

It's right here.

It's no time at all,

No time at all to recognize what we're not and presence,

The presence that was always here,

The presence that never left,

We're present.

It takes no time at all.

While it's simple in that sense,

It's not necessarily easy.

The only reason it's not easy is simply because of the conditioning that we all have and just this deeply ingrained belief that I am this separate self,

That I am,

There's something solid and independent here that needs to wake up.

So it's just the conditioning is very strong and so there is a lot of just going back and forth,

If you will,

Right?

We get lost in our thoughts,

We get lost in the thought created me,

We recognize that's not me,

Present,

Presence.

And the more that we do that,

The more that we keep catching the ego and all these different incarnations in seeing what we are not,

The amount of time,

Relative time spent being present just becomes greater and greater.

Because we're doing this now based on wisdom,

We're truly seeing there is,

I'm not this separate independent self,

It's just the thoughts,

It's just the thoughts and it's just the ego reinventing itself again,

Always fooling us as the one that's going to awaken and therefore the one that makes this big ordeal out of it,

You're not getting it,

You're not meditating enough,

You started too late in life,

You know,

You suck at this,

It's creating doubt,

Like,

Oh,

It's just not what I thought it was.

It will always create some type of distraction for us,

It will always try to take a little,

We just got lost,

Just the conditioning of just we just got lost,

And it will take that little thread of getting lost,

And it will double down and triple down and quadruple down until it gets us in such a state of despair that I lost it,

It didn't last,

Something went wrong,

That it keeps us just on this never-ending belief then that enlightenment is something outside of us,

That it's something far away.

It takes no time at all to see what you are not,

And you're awake again,

No time at all because it never left us,

Right?

So the whole,

You know,

What we're trying to do is to see this,

To notice this,

To notice all the tricks of the ego,

This is the last place that it hides for us,

The one that is going to awaken,

Right?

And so,

Not that it doesn't have all of its other little tricks still of the ways that it will try and distract us,

But this is the last place it hides,

The last place we fall for it again and again,

Didn't last,

It wasn't what I thought it was.

Now in hindsight,

Because it wasn't there,

How can it tell you what it was?

It wasn't there,

It's its absence.

It will never be enough for the ego,

It will never be enough,

It will always say it should have been more,

Should have lasted longer,

You should have been there,

You should have been present for longer,

It will always have this little bit of criticism and as long as we stay lost in the criticism,

We're not awake because we're just lost in the illusion again.

So what we're trying to do is to see that,

To see how it creates this whole identity of failure on the spiritual path and therefore again extending it out,

You're so far away,

You're so far away,

Right?

But when we get a little lost,

Nothing went wrong,

Nothing went wrong,

We didn't lose anything,

Presence didn't leave,

We just,

Our attention wandered off and it's just for us to notice that,

To question who is the one that wandered off,

Who is the one that needs to get over there,

Who is the one that needs to get enlightenment,

Who is the one that wants to awaken,

To see there's nothing there and the presence that was always here is revealed once again.

So I do find that there's a sense of relaxing around this,

It's okay,

Your attention is going to come and go,

It's going to come and go,

Don't beat yourself up about it,

Don't make some story out of it,

That's just simply keeping your attention,

Keeping you distracted from awakening,

From awakening that is right here and now that takes no time at all.

Enlightenment is in plain sight,

It is right here and now,

We just have to see through the one that thinks it's going to awaken and the one that lost it and the one that needs to get it back and the one that says you've got to meditate better.

Every time it's coming in and criticizing our practice or criticizing us for having lost it,

It's just more ego,

It's just more ego.

It does seem to have an endless bag of tricks,

It does seem to have it.

We've gone,

We spend so much time,

I know,

Every week we're talking about what we're not and all the different incarnations of the ego because I do find the more aware we are of how it tricks us,

Right,

The more aware we are,

The less likely it is to trick us or at least not for as long.

But this is its last trick,

This is the last trick it has up its sleeve.

You lost it,

You got to get it back,

It didn't last long enough.

Just to keep seeing that and to keep questioning who is it that lost it because enlightenment is not something off into the future and that's just how the ego reinforces itself as the seeker and again the one that's going to become enlightened and we want to pull the thread out of that whole story and to wake up just any time that story is arising,

To be more mindful of it,

To be more aware of it.

The ego isn't what wakes up.

Waking up,

Awakening is from that,

Not to then hop over presence to then add something else on to become something else.

It's just simply to see,

Wake up out of the illusion of what you think you are and then there is simply being,

Simply being,

Being without the burden of the story of me which has been such a nightmare which is filled with suffering and pain and dissatisfaction.

Just simply being and it takes no time at all.

The moment you see what you're not,

You're out of the illusion and you're awake,

No time at all,

No time at all.

This is where so many people get stuck on the spiritual path.

They see the ego and the comparing and the chasing and the aversion and the judging and the controlling and the scorekeeping and all those different ways but then it just slips right in there as the one that's going to be enlightened and therefore the one that lost it.

There's no failure in this,

It's just the recognition you're not that.

You don't need to add on more information to know something more,

You just need to see you're not that.

So while our practices are helpful and I do find them helpful,

Don't get attached to them.

There's a balance between yes,

How much we meditate,

Whether we're introducing heart practices,

Self-inquiry,

Coming on dharma talks,

All of this stuff is good but don't make some identity out of it.

Notice that criticism of our progress or the lack of progress on that because again,

That's just it reinforcing again that enlightenment is something far off and then just noticing,

You know,

When I lost it,

Right?

No problem,

No problem,

Lost it,

No problem,

No problem,

Right?

Just lost it for a minute,

Right?

And so just to relax a little bit more around it,

Just to relax a little bit more around it.

To be clear,

The ego is not waking up,

Is not waking up.

What we're trying to see through is the one that thinks it's going to awaken.

There is no one that awakens.

There is no one,

No thing that becomes enlightened.

Awakening,

An activity,

Being,

Here,

Simply that in plain,

Sitting here in plain sight and we miss it because we're off looking for something else.

Okay,

So I hope that helps point out kind of one of the ways in which we get hoodwinked by the ego once again,

So we can be a little bit more aware of that.

So Alice,

You're asking,

When we start telling ourselves a story,

Is that always the ego?

Always.

Any story about yourself is ego.

Any story.

So ego meaning,

In the Latin,

Ego,

Self,

Meaning self.

And I know there's a whole lot that can be,

There's more with the ego,

Like from a psychological sense.

There is that sense of just,

You know,

That sense of self,

Of like some continuity,

Of continuity of who we are,

That is very useful.

It's always changing,

Nothing solid,

Nothing independent,

Always changing,

Right?

But there is that part of it that's useful.

And this is why I'm also like,

I don't believe that the ego is something to kill.

I don't see that the ego is something to destroy.

I mean,

To me,

That just sounds like something the ego would say,

Got to kill it,

Got to destroy it,

Right?

It's an activity,

Right?

How are you going to kill an activity?

It's an activity that arises through our thoughts,

We're thinking about ourselves,

We're thinking about what we want to be doing,

We're thinking about what we want,

What we don't want,

Right?

So it's always in this thinking about ourselves that in those thoughts,

Right?

Just thinking about what we're going to do later is the appearance,

The assumption that there is a solid,

Independent me behind those thoughts.

This is the whole illusion,

This is what we get so caught up in.

And this is what we're questioning to see,

Oh,

There is nothing there,

Right?

So even in saying I'm not that,

It's because there's nothing there,

Right?

We have just believed it,

We have just assumed that there is a solid,

Independent me behind it.

And so we're checking it to see,

Who is it that needs to get over there and will be happy?

Who is it that's upset about that conversation from two weeks ago,

Right?

Who is it that's judging another person or judging ourselves,

Right?

Who is it?

It's just thoughts.

And so it's this activity of the mind that has just been running our whole lives.

Often people will say it's like the programming,

Right?

And it's just been running and running and running.

And we're just always assuming there's something solid and independent there.

And so while I'm not denying that there is a reality of an appearance of Meredith,

Of Kathy,

Of Violet,

Of Sandy,

Of Alice,

Right?

That each of us are having our own unique experience,

But there is nothing solid here about any of us.

Each of us is simply an activity,

A process constantly arising and changing,

Interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent,

That there's nothing solid here to hold on to.

But it's the ego,

The sense of self,

Right?

That again,

As I say,

There's a usefulness to it.

It would be very disconcerting to not remember who we are,

To not have the memories that kind of create some continuity.

It's not a thing.

It's an activity,

It's a process,

And it's helpful.

It's a helpful reference point.

But when we're getting lost in the thinking,

Right?

And we're thinking unconsciously about ourselves,

That's when the appearance of the solid,

Independent me is arising.

So thinking,

And just to add to your point here a little bit,

Alice,

Thinking can still happen.

It's just that there's no thinker behind it,

Right?

This is what's being seen through,

Right?

Doing still happening,

No doer,

Right?

So it's not that we're thinking,

Oh,

Well,

I just disappear and there's just indifference about all of this.

It's just,

You're seeing the nature of reality is that each of us is just constantly changing.

There's nothing solid,

Independent anywhere here to be found,

Right?

Just constantly arising and changing and changing and changing.

Not only is there nothing out there that I could hold on to and get that would bring ultimate satisfaction and happiness,

There is nothing here that could hold on.

Like we think in our thoughts,

We're holding on to something.

And again,

It gives the appearance that there's something behind their clinging,

Something behind their grasping.

But then when we check it,

We go,

No,

It's just the thoughts sped up,

Got really fast.

And then the contraction inside got really intense.

And so there's this belief that there is something solid and independent here.

But when we check it,

We go,

Whew,

It's just a process,

Just an activity,

Nothing to hold on to,

Right?

That's why you let go because there was nothing holding on to begin with.

And so thinking about yourself saying,

Or excuse me,

Alice,

We do want to be very mindful of that.

We want to be careful of that.

The more unconscious the thinking and that kind of default mode thinking about ourselves,

That self-referential thinking,

The more we are feeding into the ego and the idea of the separate self being who I am.

And what you are missing when your attention is there is the presence that is here,

The peace that is here,

The freedom from that thought created me.

Because even when it starts out with a relatively mundane thought,

Just something you've got to do later,

If it's happening unconsciously,

Then that thought just,

We keep playing it out,

I've got to get over there and I'll be so happy when I get over there,

Right?

That's always the implication.

I'll be happy when I get over there.

There's a little me that's going to be happy when it gets over there.

There's a little me that's going to be so happy when it's enlightened,

Right?

And so of course,

We always kind of make whatever it is at the end of this,

Whatever we're imagining we need to get to,

Enlightenment,

The next moment,

Whatever it is,

We kind of make it this big thing.

And then we get there and for a few moments,

For a few moments,

The ego falls away because we got there,

Right?

And then it just starts back up again.

This wasn't it.

See,

You're not enlightened,

You're not awake,

Right?

You got to get to the next thing,

You got to get to the next thing.

And it just keeps us on this never-ending merry-go-round of suffering,

Of dissatisfaction,

Of thinking that happiness and peace is outside of us and that somehow we're going to find it in our thoughts.

The thoughts are what's creating the suffering.

Even when you think it's something good,

It will,

You know,

Again,

Like,

I just want enlightenment.

There's grasping in that,

There's suffering in that.

And while this is all a little bit nuanced,

Of course,

Because yes,

There has to be a certain amount of desire to end the suffering,

That's still the ego,

And for enlightenment,

That starts us out on the path.

Now we're,

You know,

Then we're meditating and we're practicing mindfulness and hearing the wisdom teachings,

Right?

We're kind of learning a little bit more.

What we're learning more of is that that ego is the cause of our suffering.

Don't hate the ego.

Don't try and kill the ego.

Don't try and destroy the ego.

That's just more ego.

It's just seeing that there is nothing behind those thoughts that's solid and independent.

And in seeing that,

And in seeing that,

Questioning it repeatedly,

Questioning it,

Who is it that needs to get over there?

Who is it that's thinking about the past again,

Right?

Keep putting a spotlight on it,

Direct inquiry,

Seeing it,

Seeing that there is nothing there.

The jig keeps coming up,

Right?

And the more that you see that,

You eventually,

There is just a,

Oh,

I'm not that.

Just a little,

Just got a little lost for a moment.

No problem.

No problem.

Didn't last.

No problem.

Just got a little lost for a moment.

Presence didn't leave,

Right?

Just the attention did.

And then your attention is no longer distracted.

You're awake.

You're awake.

We're never going to find satisfaction,

Contentment,

Peace in our thoughts.

Never.

Because there's,

You know,

Thoughts need to keep fueling.

They keep needing.

This is why it's always this sense of lack in there,

Because then we can keep thinking about it.

I can keep,

And I can keep going back way into my past.

I can go back 10 years,

20 years,

30 years,

40 years,

50 years,

And find more things that I'm upset about,

More things that I should have done differently.

And if only I had done that,

Then I would be so happy.

Instead of seeing who is the one that would have been so happy with that other choice.

That's what's obstructing the happiness.

Yeah.

So Alice,

You're saying you found your ego will take 1% truth and create a huge story about it,

A catastrophe.

What I would say is it just takes a thread of something,

A thread of something that is at best,

At best,

An exaggeration.

At best,

An exaggeration,

Not truth.

At best,

An exaggeration,

Because it's always distorting it about itself.

Always.

So at best,

It will take a slight exaggeration.

Excuse me,

An exaggeration.

At worst,

An outright lie.

At worst,

An outright lie.

And yeah,

And catastrophize it.

This is what it's continuously doing.

And yet we keep going back to our thoughts,

Thinking it's keeping us safe,

Thinking it's protecting us.

But in fact,

It's the cause of all of our suffering,

Because it keeps imagining all of these things that are going wrong,

That are going to happen,

That never do.

Or even when things do happen,

We handle far better than we imagined we would.

Awakening does not mean that we lose the ability to think.

It doesn't mean that we turn into a potato,

That our brain all of a sudden turns to mush.

Remember,

In awakening,

In seeing through the illusion of a separate self that's grasping,

Seeing through the grasping.

As that falls away,

Wisdom and compassion is what's arising,

What's taking its place.

So it's not that we fall apart,

We forget to pay our rent,

We forget to show up to work.

It's just that we do it without the heavy burden of that little separate me that's always whispering in our ear,

Oh,

You suck at this,

You suck at that.

Why did that happen over there?

They shouldn't have done that to you.

They shouldn't be doing that over there.

You should say this to them.

It's the absence of that.

And so the quality of our thoughts becomes much greater.

The quantity goes way down,

But the quality of our thoughts becomes much better.

Yeah,

They're still thinking,

But there's just no thinker behind it,

Because there never has been a thinker behind it.

This has all just been an illusion.

There has never been a thinker behind the thinking.

There has never been a doer behind the doing.

But just look at the burden when we're doing something activity.

Everything is activity.

There is nothing here in this universe that isn't activity.

But then we think,

I'm the doer of this.

This is so painful.

This is so hard.

Why do I have to do this?

And then you question,

Who's the doer?

Where's the doer?

Where is the doer that is so burdened here by what it is that's happening?

You see,

There is no doer.

Ah,

Relief.

Okay,

Doing,

No problem.

No problem,

Right?

It adds a burden to our lives.

It adds a heaviness to our lives.

It's the cause of all of our misunderstandings,

Of our disagreements,

Of our hatred,

Of our anger,

Right?

It creates so many problems for us.

And yet we keep going back to it.

And then even in on the spiritual path,

We're still so convinced that the ego is the one that's going to become enlightened,

Right?

That the ego is somehow going to become improved enough to wake up.

The ego is never going to wake up,

Never going to wake up.

That's not its nature.

Waking up is waking up from this illusion.

That's what waking up is.

So,

Michelle,

Where you're saying no identification,

I don't know that I would say like a hard,

Like no identification,

Nothing that sticks,

Not making it something,

Not making something out of it.

Like,

Yeah,

We all play different roles,

Right?

Role of the daughter,

The role of the sister,

The role of the friend,

Maybe the role of the employee,

The role of the employer,

Right?

There's these different roles that are being played.

But it's not identifying as that's me.

You know,

That's me,

The teacher,

That's me,

The friend,

That's me,

The meditator.

It's not identifying in that way,

But there is a recognition that,

Yeah,

There's all these different activities that are playing out with different,

If we could call them kind of roles,

But always changing,

Always changing.

And that is the key thing,

Because the more that we identify with something,

We think like,

Well,

I'm the good friend now.

I'm the good friend.

I identify as the good friend.

I help people.

I do all this stuff,

And I'm the good friend.

Well,

Then what happens when the conditions change,

And all of a sudden,

We're perceived by someone as the not the good friend?

Oh,

No,

My whole identity is shaken,

Right?

Or what often happens with people that get so identified by their job,

They take so much,

You know,

They kind of feel like their role,

Their job is who they are,

And then they lose their job,

Or they retire,

And they're just,

I don't know,

You know,

They're kind of at a loss.

And so that identification,

Like identifying in something that is always changing,

Is only going to lead to suffering,

Is going to lead to suffering.

So yeah,

It's not identifying,

But there's a recognition,

There's kind of roles,

Different roles,

Different hats that we kind of wear and interact in different ways,

But not getting attached to any of it.

And there is nothing here solid,

Independent that is playing any of these roles.

But it's just activity.

It's all just activity.

Nothing to hold on to,

Nothing to take on as an identity,

Because anything you take on as an identity,

It is changing.

And there will be suffering in it.

There will be suffering in it.

I hope that helped,

Michelle.

Okay,

And I just want to go back,

Because I know there was,

I think,

Sandy,

You had something here.

Yeah,

Sandy,

Anytime,

I,

Myself,

Mine,

That's the ego.

That's the ego.

Anytime,

That's the ego.

Yeah.

And the thinking about yourself is not bringing you happiness.

It's not bringing you happiness.

Like,

This is what we think,

Like,

My happiness,

You know,

What do I need to be happy?

This is my,

You know,

My house over here.

This is my car over here.

This is my,

You know,

Object over here,

Right?

That possession of something creates in itself this kind of fear,

Because what if someone's going to take it from me?

My happiness,

But look,

Look at them over there.

They seem to be getting more.

And the ego sees happiness as very much a zero-sum game of,

Oh,

They're getting award.

They're getting something.

They're getting happiness.

Oh,

No,

It must be coming out of the happiness pool,

And now I'm lacking.

So,

Thinking about my happiness has never brought us any happiness.

It's only brought suffering.

And it's so counterintuitive,

Because the less that we think about ourselves,

The happier we are,

The more at ease we are.

Whatever you're thinking about,

Again,

My happiness,

I know you didn't use that example,

My happiness,

But we'll use that example.

My happiness,

Again,

Oh,

No,

They might get,

They might take it from me.

And now my happiness is so dependent on everyone doing what I need them to do,

And not having any difficulties,

And not having any challenges,

And not making any mistakes,

And not ever saying the wrong thing,

Right?

Because our happiness is very much the ego's idea of happiness,

Like its idea of enlightenment is perfection,

Which doesn't exist.

So,

It creates all this suffering.

The moment we stop thinking about my happiness,

Peace is here,

Presence,

Ease.

It's in the not thinking about it that we find the happiness,

The happiness that I would say contentment,

The highest form of happiness,

What the Buddha would say is the highest form of happiness.

So,

I agree with him,

Right?

That is always here.

But you can't have contentment if you're always grasping at something in the next moment.

And every time you're thinking about yourself,

You can only think about yourself in relationship to something else.

You can't think about yourself otherwise.

It's only in relationship,

I want that,

I don't want that,

Right?

It's only in relationship to something else.

So,

I want that,

I'm craving that,

I'm grasping at that,

Oh,

No,

Is someone getting ahead of me?

Or I don't want that,

Oh,

My God,

What's going to happen if I get that because I don't want that,

Right?

It's only creating agitation and suffering and dissatisfaction.

And we're not living in… What we're living in our heads,

Kind of always off in the future or back in the past,

And we're missing the being of this moment,

The being here,

The peace that is always here,

The peace doesn't come and go.

But the moment we start thinking about myself and wanting peace,

We've left the peace,

Our attention has left the peace.

So,

Yeah,

The I,

Myself,

The mind,

The me,

That's all ego,

It's all ego.

And I'll just come back.

Oh,

Ruth,

So,

Some days you feel wary from the many times returning to the present moment,

Is that feeling of weariness the ego as well?

Yeah.

The weariness isn't the returning to the present moment,

The weariness is the getting lost in the ego and that,

Oh,

I got to try and get back again.

Oh,

Man,

It's so difficult to get back,

Right?

Because it sets it up as this,

Oh,

My God,

It's so much effort to get back.

The effort is in staying lost in the ego.

That's where the effort is,

That's where the exhaustion is,

That's where the draining is.

But it frames it as,

Oh,

It's just too hard,

It's just too tiring.

The seeing what you're not and whether you're using mindfulness,

Well,

Always some mindfulness,

Even if we're going directly into direct inquiry,

There's always some mindfulness,

Right?

And recognizing,

Oh,

There it is,

The thought,

This is so tiring,

This is so hard,

Right?

There it is,

The thought.

And then you come in and you allow the feelings to be here,

Right?

So you breathe in and you feel what's here,

The feelings are real,

Right?

The story is not true,

But the feelings are real.

So we come in and we feel the feelings.

And then you can ask the question,

Who is it that finds this so tiring?

Oh,

I can't find it.

Because just the belief that there is this little solid me that has to get back to the present moment,

That's where the heaviness comes from,

That's where the weight comes from.

It's not in the activity of coming back,

Coming back,

And I'm going to say that in quotes,

Because it's not,

Well,

Our attention left,

Our attention left,

And seeing where our attention left,

Presence is revealed,

It's always here.

But it's the assumption that the ego makes like,

This is just,

It's just too hard,

It's just so tiring,

I just don't want to do this anymore,

As though,

Oh yeah,

Let's just stop trying this anymore,

It's just too heavy,

It just takes up too much energy.

And once again,

The ego just has us hooked back in,

It's just too hard,

Let's just stay off in this draining story over here,

Right?

It takes no time at all to come back to the present moment.

The moment that you,

To bring our attention back,

The moment that you recognize the heaviness of the weight,

Of the feeling of how hard this is,

The moment that you recognize that,

There's already kind of maybe losing about 10 pounds there of it,

Let's say it's 100 pounds,

Right?

It feels like 100 pounds,

Right?

Lose about 10 pounds,

Just in the recognition,

There's that little bit of,

Oh,

Just that little bit of space.

And then you come in and you feel it because the contraction around it's so tight,

That's what's draining so much of the energy as well.

And then you feel what's here and you breathe into what's here,

Right?

Now you've lost about another 30,

40 pounds of it,

Right?

Maybe 50 pounds of it,

Right?

Oh,

Phew,

Because remember,

Everything is just an activity,

It's just in our heads that there's something solid and heavy here,

That's all it is.

And so now we're breathing,

It's like,

Okay,

Phew,

Yeah,

It's just,

There was just a feeling that I was wrapping this whole story around.

And then you question,

Here's where you lose all the weight.

Now,

The last of it,

Who is it that finds it so hard to keep coming back to presence?

Because there is nothing there,

It's just an assumption.

And in that,

Phew,

Presence is revealed,

Peace,

You're at ease.

It took no time at all.

I mean,

Even relatively speaking,

Just using mindfulness,

Recognizing what was there,

Feeling,

Breathing into what's here for 30,

40 seconds,

And then asking the question,

Really didn't take much time at all.

Or you can ask just directly,

Takes no time at all.

And it is like lifting 100 pounds off your back.

The ego is convincing you it's hard.

Getting lost in the ego is heavy and hard.

Presence is never heavy.

It's never heavy,

Because in presence,

We're not lost in the separate self.

And in being,

There's just the recognition that being is an activity,

Spacious,

Fluid,

Changing.

It doesn't mean that tiredness can't be arising,

Right?

Because maybe you did spend a lot of time with the ego,

And there was some residual tiredness from that,

Or just from whatever reason,

There's some tiredness.

But even in that,

And I use this example a lot,

Because I do feel tired,

And I find just with age,

Like it's,

Tiredness arises,

And particularly in the afternoon for me.

And if I get lost in the story,

I'm so tired,

And what's wrong?

And,

Oh,

God,

This is only going to get worse as I get older.

And just in the story of it,

That's heavy,

That's more tiring.

But in the recognition,

Just tiring arising,

Right?

It's no longer a problem.

It's no longer got a heaviness to it.

In fact,

Just so much of the weight of it is gone,

Because there's no one that's tired,

No one tirednessing arising,

Right?

That's the activity of what's arising in that moment.

And in the recognition that it's just tiredness arising,

There's a sense of freedom in it.

And then maybe even just a recognition,

Like,

Okay,

Let me go take a little nap for a few minutes,

If I have some time,

You know,

If I can.

Usually I do,

I like to take a nap most days,

You know,

Just nice to lie down 20,

30 minutes,

Right?

But no one that was tired.

So it doesn't mean that there's not tiredness ever arising,

But the one that's tired feels very heavy.

Tiredness arising,

Just,

Yeah,

There's tiredness here,

But it's not as heavy,

It's not as heavy.

Okay.

Thanks,

Ruth.

So it sounds like that helped.

Okay.

And Leslie,

I'm coming back to your question here.

And hello,

Violet.

Nice to see you.

Blossom Violet.

So you're saying,

Leslie,

The relief from the self-created me.

Oh,

Thank you for reminding us of a simple life-changing truth.

Oh,

Thank you.

Thank you,

Leslie.

I'm so glad this hit home.

I'm so glad this hit home.

Yeah.

Thank you for sharing that.

It is such a relief.

It is such a relief.

Yeah.

So Sandy,

So you were saying,

Unless it is difficult,

It may be the wrong path.

Sorry,

And I see that you put this 45 minutes ago.

Unless it is difficult,

It may be the wrong path.

So I'm trying to think about what we were talking about then.

Oh,

I think I understand.

And please,

Please jump in and clarify.

Oh,

You're saying speaking as the ego.

The difficulty on the path is the ego.

It's always the one creating obstacles.

It is the whole obstacle that we're trying to see through,

Right?

To see that there's nothing solid,

Independent there.

There's an activity of thought arising,

Thought in relationship,

Kind of creating a duality of subject-object,

Me in relationship,

And me in relationship.

There is the activity arising,

Nothing behind it,

But that is the difficulty on the path.

This is what makes it so hard,

Right?

And so it's not necessarily saying it's the wrong path,

But it's just to recognize that the ego always comes in with a sense of heaviness.

It makes things harder than it has to be,

Right?

I mean,

This is why it comes in with,

You lost it.

You got to get it back now,

Right?

Oh,

Right.

And now it feels so difficult again.

It feels so difficult.

Oh my God,

I lost it.

I've got to get it back.

I've got to make it last next time.

I've got to do all these things now that I've got to go to India.

I've got to book this long retreat.

I've got to start meditating three hours a day.

I've got to do all these things,

Right?

All of a sudden we're making everything very difficult,

Right?

And it's just to see,

Again,

Who is it that needs to get back?

And all of a sudden the difficulty is gone because all the grasping,

All the clinging,

All the craving towards something is now,

It's seen through.

It's seen through.

And when you see through the illusion,

When there's seeing,

Seeing,

No separate self,

Presence,

Peace reveals itself.

It was always here.

It never went away.

It never left us.

An awakening is not a Herculean effort.

It's simply to see you're not that and to keep catching it in all of the ways that it does say that this path is difficult and it's just too hard and I just,

I suck at this and I started too late in life and I'm just,

Oh,

I'm so tired of this.

The ego is what's so tired.

The ego is grasping at it.

The ego constantly admonishing us because our practice isn't good enough,

Because we had a mindless moment,

Because we got lost for a little bit.

It just constantly keeps berating us and the heaviness of that.

And it makes it so difficult and it makes it so tiring.

And then it takes no time at all to question the one that is failing,

The one that sees this as so difficult,

Because you will never find the one,

The thing.

There is no thing.

There's not nothing.

There's no thing.

It's just activity.

But you see through that.

You've seen through the illusion.

That's awakening is.

You're awakening from the illusion.

No one awakening from the illusion.

No one,

No thing awakening from the illusion.

Simply awakening from the illusion.

There are things to do on the path.

I think meditation is one of the most helpful practices that we can do.

Not to create an identity out of it,

But meditation is incredibly beneficial in helping us see just how lost we are in our thoughts.

It really brings a real magnifying to it to see just how we're with the breath.

We're there for a few moments.

We're present.

We're peaceful.

And then we just get hooked in.

It's like these little fish hooks just keep going by and we just keep getting hooked into another thought.

So it's so helpful to keep seeing that.

But we've got to remember as we're meditating,

There is no meditator.

Don't make an identity out of it.

And as we're practicing mindfulness,

And I find that without a daily meditation practice,

I think it's difficult to stay mindful.

And not that we stay mindful to 100% of the time,

Because mindfulness is simply a condition as well.

We can't make it happen.

You can't make this happen,

Right?

Everything is arising,

Interdependent,

Interconnected.

Trillions of causes and conditions.

There's no one here making this happen.

But through the practice of meditation,

Mindfulness is more likely to happen.

Mindfulness is more likely to come in and see when we're getting a little bit lost in something,

Whether it's just happiness is going to be in the next moment,

Or if I could just get this thing,

I'd be so happy.

If I could just get over there,

I'd be so happy.

So much of it,

We're just getting pulled into the idea that there's happiness somewhere out there.

And so in seeing that,

When the conditions of mindfulness arise,

And in seeing that we're free,

It doesn't last.

It doesn't last.

And in hearing that on this path,

Hopefully in this Dharma talk being helpful to recognize it doesn't last.

It's not a problem.

Don't make a big deal out of it.

Relax around that.

Didn't last.

Okay.

No problem.

Nothing to get back to.

So that again,

More conditioning,

Helping you see kind of the tricks again of the ego,

How it's kind of pulling you into something.

Oh,

There it is.

There it is.

I lost it.

Who lost it?

And you're back.

So our practice is really helping us,

But they're all the heart practices,

The self-inquiry,

Compassion practices.

All of these things are to help us see what we're not,

Not to make something out of this,

Not to then leap over and say,

Okay,

I'm one with consciousness.

Consciousness is everything.

I am everything.

Even just saying the words,

I am awake,

Right?

That in itself,

Right?

Is no,

There is no one that's awake.

So we've got to be really careful of trying to imagine what this is.

Because even when it sounds like it's kind of dressed up in the spiritual language of it's all consciousness,

It's all one,

It's all love,

Just all the different ways that it's kind of pronounced as this thing,

Right?

The ego is going to take that.

The ego is going to make that into something.

And it's going to,

Again,

Kind of think that it's got to add something else onto itself that I've got to become this.

We're not becoming anything.

And that's why the imagining of what this is becomes an obstacle in and of itself.

Not imagine what you are.

The ego cannot conceive of reality.

The ego cannot imagine it.

It can't imagine what being is.

This is why it overshoots it always.

It can't imagine it.

And so to catch that as well,

It's not about becoming something.

We're not adding on anything.

It's seeing what we're not.

I cannot emphasize that enough.

And it's really got hammered into me by Paul Hederman.

I mean,

He is such a brilliant teacher.

It's seeing what you're not.

And it's been,

I've always gravitated towards teachers that focus on that because I've found every time I'm with a teacher that starts talking about what this is,

I just get more confused.

There was just more doubt and more like,

Well,

What is it exactly?

And just more time spent lost in thinking about it.

And there's always just been this natural,

Just a natural kind of affinity towards seeing what this isn't.

Like as we're going to do on January 1st,

We're going to do this.

The first course I ever started teaching,

Introduction to Mindfulness and Meditation,

And there's five mantras associated with it.

Every mantra is pointing out what peace is not.

I'm not pointing to what it is,

Because peace is the absence of chasing.

It's the absence of resisting.

It's the absence of judging.

It's the absence of comparing.

It's the absence of narrating.

It's the absence.

And it makes the path so much easier.

And it still catches us up.

It still catches us off guard in different ways.

And I think I've covered every single trick of the ego,

Every incarnation,

I think,

In all of the Dharma talks that we've done here,

You know,

That I've been sharing over the years.

And sharing them because it's where,

You know,

There was getting stuck here,

Getting stuck on it.

Oh,

There's the,

Oh,

It's a trick again.

Oh,

We spent hours lost in that,

Days,

Weeks lost in that.

And then it's like,

I see it again.

There's a seeing,

There's a seeing.

This is the last trick.

This is the last trick of the ego,

The last place that hides as the one that's going to awaken,

Right?

Again,

It's so,

I mean,

This trick,

It's so remarkable that it hijacks even enlightenment as though it's the one that's going to become enlightened.

But it does keep us on this never-ending self-improvement,

Never-ending,

I need more practices,

I need to do more things.

And so again,

Yes,

We do things on the path because I find without doing anything,

Probably the conditions are there's not going to be much awakening happening,

Right?

And so definitely doing things is helpful,

But having a sense of ease and relaxation around it,

Right?

Like,

Don't take this path so seriously,

Right?

The more that is kind of just more of the ego and the more identity that we build around it,

Like,

Don't take it so seriously.

Do your practices,

Notice the contraction,

Notice the tightening,

It always comes with a contraction and a tightening.

Use mindfulness,

Use direct inquiry,

Use self-compassion to see what's going on.

But I do think always,

Always,

Whether using mindfulness,

Self-compassion,

Which is another mindfulness practice,

That you're always getting to who is it that was lost,

Or who is it that wanted to get over there?

Who is it that wanted enlightenment?

For some reason,

In the West,

The heart of Buddhist teachings,

Which is that there is no independent separate self,

Doesn't seem to be as emphasized as the original teachings would be trying to point us in that direction.

It's kind of like we got to mindfulness of feelings and being with the feelings and seeing the feelings arise and pass away,

Right?

And just seeing that,

Right?

But we don't kind of get to that next step.

There's still kind of that assumption,

There's still that quiet assumption that there is something solid and independent there.

It's just quieter now,

It's more manageable now.

So the questioning of the one,

The thing,

Is so important because there is nothing solid or independent here.

None of us are solid and independent.

Each of us is arising based on trillions of previous causes and conditions,

Interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent,

Changing moment by moment by moment.

This is why flowing in life,

Right?

Flowing is the natural order.

There's nothing here to hold on to,

Nothing to hold on to.

It's just continuous change.

You don't lose your ability to think,

You don't lose your ability to have memories,

To even reflect on a memory.

It's just that there's a not getting lost,

You're not getting lost in the thing that's having the memories and the thing that wants to go back to that previous time or the one that wants to go back to that previous time.

You're not getting lost in that anymore,

Right?

So to keep questioning the separate self,

To keep questioning it,

I find is just really,

Really important.

I'll read it and I want to see your first message here.

Hang on.

So you're saying you're owning your life and living in the moment,

Resigned.

Oh,

You resigned finally from your job that was draining you.

Your full-time job is working on you and doing and exploring what makes life happy and following through,

Keeping life simple and creating a new path.

You feel much lighter.

Oh,

An insight timer saved your life.

Wow,

That's amazing.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Oh,

And I'm so glad this is your inspiration.

And so,

Yeah,

I mean,

There's a freeing sense and leaving a job behind.

And if I can just offer one more thing here to maybe kind of just help to keep you in that lightness.

So I'll just offer this again to try and keep you in the lightness.

And this is also just a trick of language,

That language can sometimes be difficult as well,

That language sets up this duality.

But kind of when we say to ourselves,

And again,

This may just be the way you're expressing it,

Not really with this intention,

What I'm seeing behind here,

But I'll just kind of say this.

You know,

My full-time job is working on myself.

That is the ego saying that.

That is the ego saying that.

And so just to be very careful of that,

If you will.

You know,

You've left your job that was a drain and wasn't bringing you any happiness and fantastic,

Fantastic for that.

I would just caution you in trying to make this now an improvement for yourself.

Right?

Because this is about seeing through the illusion of a me,

A solid,

Independent me.

And in that,

Happiness flows through.

And like you absolutely say,

In keeping life simple,

There is definitely,

It's hard,

It's harder to do this if your life is constantly filled with activities.

If you're running from one thing to the next,

It's just that the busier we are,

The busier the mind gets.

And the ego just kind of takes that busyness and will hijack it for its own efforts.

And so living a simple life,

Absolutely so beautiful.

Right?

And in that,

You know,

There's exploring of what's,

You know,

What does bring joy.

Right?

And it's the simplest things.

It's not the things that we think.

It's not the things we think.

It's just the simplicity of the moment.

Right?

There doesn't have to be anything going on.

But there's such a sense of spaciousness,

Of just,

Of being that brings such a sense of peace.

Yeah.

So if not,

As you're saying,

The minimalism,

Not wanting for a whole lot.

So,

So,

So wonderful.

And it's so,

It's wonderful to hear this.

Right?

And,

And wonderful that there's a charging.

So I think you're,

You must be in Australia.

You're saying this is your morning.

Ah,

In Sydney.

Okay.

I used to live in Sydney a long time ago.

Um,

So,

Uh,

You know,

This is charging,

Right?

There's a,

There's a nice sense of charging here of energy here.

Right?

So it's fluid.

The energy is fluid.

There's nothing here to hold onto.

There's nothing here to hold onto.

It's just fluid.

And I,

And I think that there is,

I don't think,

Sorry,

I know that there is in hearing,

In hearing these teachings,

When they're pointing us to see what we're not,

There is such a release,

Such a freedom in that,

Right?

Such a charging up,

Right?

And,

And it feels,

It just resonates,

Right?

We're just,

It's like the difference sitting on a Dharma talk for two hours versus sitting and watching cable news for two hours,

Cable,

Partisan cable news.

Who do you think,

Not feeling uplifting,

It's not feeling charging,

Right?

We're just getting more in the judging and the comparing and the,

And the aversion.

And so this really frees us from all of that.

And so it's just,

It's wonderful that this is freeing,

You know,

That this is opening up for you right now.

Yeah.

That you're just being here,

Right.

You know,

Just here right now,

Nothing to hold onto,

Nothing to,

Nothing to improve yourself,

Right?

There's just the seeing and the hearing and the feeling and the tasting and the smelling that is here,

That is,

That is being,

That is being.

So,

So again,

I only just offer that because it's so easy for us to,

To get,

Kind of get lost on this path of,

Of,

Of self-improvement.

And again,

There's something here that needs to,

You know,

There's something here that needs to be improved upon enough to get somewhere else.

And it's just such a subtle trick,

Right?

And we can even feel really good in it in that moment,

Like,

Oh,

It feels very exciting,

Right?

But it is just that we kind of are getting lured in without realizing it.

There's nothing here to be improved.

Now that doesn't mean that improving isn't happening,

Right?

By the new conditions,

Right?

Because new conditions,

New conditions,

Right?

Things are changing.

You have more freedom,

More freedom of time,

Solitude,

You're saying,

Which I think is just absolutely wonderful,

Right?

And so there is definitely,

You know,

These conditions leading to more opening,

Leading to more peace.

And there is probably some kind of,

If we could say,

Quote-unquote,

Improving happening,

Because we're less grasping at things,

Right?

People on the outside would look and go,

Well,

You seem more at ease,

Your,

Your relationships,

You know,

Most of your relationships seem to go a little bit better.

Not all of them,

Every now and then,

It doesn't mean that nothing ever changes.

But there is this,

This kind of seeing that,

Wow,

It was through the non grasping at the me that needed improvement,

That all of a sudden,

You know,

I'm moving more easily through life.

I'm not taking things so personally anymore.

I'm letting people be who they are.

I'm not judging them.

I can,

I can see if the behavior isn't good,

And then create a boundary with that person if that's what's needed.

But just the relief of not judging them,

The relief of not judging ourselves.

So it's in,

And it's in each moment,

In each moment,

Just waking up to what you're not being reality.

And,

And letting go of the idea that there's one to be improved.

And yet,

Paradoxically,

Paradoxically,

There does,

There does seem to be improving happening,

But no one that it's happening to.

Because if there's a one that needs to improve,

First of all,

It will never be enough improvement.

Never.

The ego will never let it be enough.

Never.

Right.

And that's why it will never let enlightenment be enough.

It will never let presence be enough.

You give it a little bit of room,

You give it a little bit of a,

You crack the door open a little bit,

It will come in,

And just take over the whole room.

Right.

It will never let it be enough.

And so this is where I just find this,

You know,

When I see,

You know,

The kind of when people are like,

Oh,

I'm improving myself,

I'm becoming my best self.

It's,

It's a little bit of a door opening for the ego that we may not be aware of.

And so I hope,

I hope you know that I send this with love,

With care for you,

Rita,

And for anyone that's listening to this,

Is to just to be mindful of that.

Because from the ego's perspective,

You will never be improved to its satisfaction.

Never.

It's,

Its MO is dissatisfaction.

And so,

You know,

Even just the seeing of that and the letting go of the one that needs to be improved.

Ah,

What a relief.

Oh my God,

That was a nightmare our whole lives,

Right?

60 years trying to improve this thing.

And it's like,

Yeah,

Improving has been happening,

But improving has been happening.

The more there's been seeing,

There's no one to improve.

Right.

It's this paradox of it.

We think we're getting it in the ego,

But in fact,

It's the seeing through that,

That yeah,

Because life does just become easier.

And,

And like,

And I really do appreciate that you're saying the simplicity of life,

Having a simple life.

I think that's so important because,

I mean,

If you just think about how humans lived for the longest time,

Like when we lived in tribes,

So I'm going back thousands of years,

Right?

You know,

Life was relatively speaking,

You know,

Much simpler.

Like we can look at tribes today.

We can look at tribes today in the Amazon or in Papua New Guinea.

And,

And a lot of the research,

While there are some tribes that,

And in Papua New Guinea,

There are some tribes that are,

Are aggressive.

Most of the tribes tend to be quite peaceful.

And the day is spent where there's,

There's maybe some hunting,

There's some foraging for food.

Then in the afternoon,

Very leisurely activities,

Maybe making some baskets,

Cooking some meals,

Doing some things,

But all done in a very,

In a very easy way.

Like there's no one thinking,

Oh,

The new restaurant's opening.

We've got to get over there.

Oh,

Could I get you on my calendar for next week?

And oh,

We've got to rush over here,

Right?

That's just so,

The number of relationships that we have,

And the number of things that we're trying to squeeze into a day is just so unnatural and is so not conducive to feeling ease,

Right?

Because always this angst,

I got to get somewhere else,

I've got to get something else squeezed into my calendar.

And so this is why,

You know,

Simplicity of our lives is just so,

So important for us to kind of,

You know,

That is something I think we can definitely be doing in the external is to say no a little bit more often to things,

You know,

Find some more space in your day for simply being.

I think that's important,

But not denying also the importance of community,

Because community is also incredibly beneficial for us.

And so finding a balance with that,

Finding a balance with that doesn't mean you have to go out every night or be overly sociable.

I mean,

We have a wonderful community here in La Ventana.

And often I find a lot of my interactions are,

Well,

Sunday mornings,

Everyone comes to my house because we do this class here in the morning.

And we meditate together,

And there's a sense of community there.

Or I'm just walking down to the fruit stand or to the pharmacy,

And I'll always just run into someone and there's a nice little chit chat there.

There's not a needing to make plans later,

But I find there's just a nice sense of community.

If I need something,

There's any number of people I could reach out to for help.

If someone needs help,

And they,

You know,

Any number of people will reach out to me,

And I'm so happy to help them as well.

And so there is this balance as well of community that I think is also really important for us,

Important for us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you have a running community.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

Doing something like that,

Doing like an activity together like that is such a,

You know,

There's such a connection in that in the shared interest.

And so I'm going to hop back to your question in one moment,

Michelle.

So Alice,

You're saying simplicity for you.

Hi,

Monica.

Welcome.

Simplicity for you includes not making plans too far out in the future,

Because you don't know what your energy level will be in a month.

I am with you 100% on that.

I try not to make too many plans and definitely not out in the future.

Because,

And I would rather just do things spontaneously.

Like,

Yeah,

If I,

If I run into someone in town,

And they're like,

Hey,

Let's go grab a cup of coffee,

And that feels right in that moment,

Like,

Yeah,

Sure,

Every now and then I'll do that.

Not very often,

But every now and then.

And then,

Of course,

There are some friends where there is,

I do want to keep those relationships going.

And so,

Yeah,

You know,

I'll kind of like,

Yes,

I'll make some plans here and there,

But I'll make sure that there's not too much on the calendar.

So if,

If I'm having lunch with a friend,

And generally,

I don't meet for lunch,

Not very often,

But if I'm getting together with someone,

I'll make sure there's nothing that I don't have anything before or after.

And probably that will be my only event that I've planned for the week.

And so it's just the,

The interactions,

I find then the quality is just much better.

It's much better.

Right?

Not,

Not running from one thing to the next.

Right?

It's like,

We're trying to fit so many relationships and so many friendships.

And it's,

It's almost,

You know,

It's quantity rather than quality.

And I just don't think that we can maintain that many relationships,

To really have a deep,

Meaningful relationship,

But also to have enough time for the,

The,

The solitude that we also,

That I think is so needed for us as well.

Okay.

And so,

Okay,

Michelle,

You're saying,

Yes,

I mentioned Paul Hederman.

I find him,

He's a very direct teacher,

That he has slapped and slapped.

And I find so much inspiration from him.

And so much of the teachings coming out here,

Because he's really just pointed the way,

Pointed the way.

He's very direct.

So Paul Hederman,

And through Paul Hederman,

He put me onto Ramesh Balsakar,

No longer alive,

But he's got lots of books and talks online,

Or a few books and talks online.

Ramana Maharshi,

Definitely as well.

It's funny that I'm mentioning now all non-dual teachers,

Because I'm trying to think now,

It's funny now I'm trying to think.

I mean,

Obviously the Buddha,

I find very inspirational.

I don't really follow any Western Buddhist teachers,

Trying to think.

I haven't for some time.

I felt there was a limitation there.

And,

And it's been non-duality teachings that really helped me.

Kind of like that last bit,

Like,

I mean,

I remember when I had done a retreat in India in 2009.

And,

And it was just this kind of random retreat that I went on,

I was just looking for something.

And,

And I couldn't really find anything.

And I didn't find really a Buddhist retreat.

You know,

I was Buddhist,

I practiced Buddhism.

But I found this retreat.

And it's just this three week silent meditation retreat.

And the last week of the retreat,

All the teachings were based on Ramana Maharshi.

And,

And it just kind of everything that I had been learning in Buddhism,

That had what had been so intellectual for so long,

Was just,

All of a sudden,

It's like everything came together,

Right?

Everything came together.

And it was just mind blowing to me.

And,

And I don't think,

I think one of the dangers of non-duality is that without the wisdom teachings,

And sometimes like,

Especially with kind of Neo,

I think it's called Neo Advaita Vedanta,

Where they just kind of go right to this direct inquiry,

Telling everyone right away,

Just consciousness is everything.

And I do agree,

By the way,

I agree with that theory.

I mean,

I don't know for a fact.

But I do agree with that.

I don't get lost in it.

I don't make any identity out of it.

But I agree with that.

And so I think it can be,

I think there's kind of a skipping over of some very important steps.

And then people kind of,

Oh,

I get it,

I get it,

But not really getting it.

It's kind of the ego thinking,

I'm awake,

Right?

When someone says,

I'm awake.

The moment someone says,

I'm awake.

No,

They're not.

Their ego is claiming something.

And so I find together,

Buddhism really helping to show us the problem,

To identify the problem,

And to understand how everything is arising,

Dependent origination,

Causes and conditions,

And kind of the seeing impermanence,

No self,

And just seeing all the different ways that the belief in a separate self is kind of chasing us,

You know,

Kind of chasing our tail,

I find it so,

So beneficial.

But then I found it was just non-duality,

And this direct inquiry path that just blew the doors off everything.

Not that there's not still,

You know,

Getting a little lost,

Right?

It does happen.

It happens less and less.

It's so short.

It's just,

Oh,

Seeing it lost,

No problem,

No problem,

Because I'm not making this happen.

I can't make this happen.

There is no one making this happen.

And in that,

There's a relaxing around that.

So,

Yes,

So anyway,

Interesting,

Michelle,

That I'm,

And I will post these names in the group,

Philippa.

It's interesting that I'm mentioning all non-dual teachers.

I mean,

I'm looking right now at a picture of Ramana Maharshi right there.

Of course,

Then there's the Buddha behind me there.

So I find,

And in fact,

And as you guys know,

The way that I teach,

It's kind of,

I feel like I'm weaving the two in together.

I feel like there's a weaving of the two in together that hopefully,

You know,

At least in how it's been unfolding here is very much a,

You know,

Hopefully helpful.

Yeah,

Actually,

Alan Watts,

Ruth,

Yeah,

Alan Watts as well.

I do like Alan Watts a lot,

And I love his humor,

And he's good.

So I'm sure there are some other,

I just,

I just cannot think of,

I can't think of any,

But I'll list some of them.

I'll list some in the group.

So I'll give that some thought.

Thank you,

Alice.

Yeah.

Oh,

Thanks,

Firefly.

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Yeah,

Just this is how they kind of seem to be,

And how it's unfolding.

I'm not making this happen,

But it's just,

You know,

I do,

You know,

I talked about this before,

Like,

You know,

Years ago when I'd gone to a Buddhist monastery.

I was so convinced I was going to be a nun.

I mean,

I cut all my hair off.

I'd left everything behind.

I was 100% convinced,

Like,

I'm going to be a Buddhist nun forever,

And it didn't work out,

And I'm so grateful that it didn't work out that way,

Because I just,

I mean,

I don't know for sure,

But I feel like it,

Especially when I go back to Buddhist monasteries now,

And I don't go back that often.

I haven't been,

I think three years ago was the last time I went back to one.

I find that there's just a lot of group think,

And a lot of repeating of one teacher or one tradition,

And it just hasn't resonated with me in that way for some time,

Right?

This is the beauty,

This is the beauty of the time that we live in today,

That we have access to so many teachers,

So many great teachings,

And while we don't want to get in the kind of,

I'll take a little bit from here,

A little bit from there,

Like,

We don't want to treat this like an a la carte kind of thing,

Because I think you start to move,

You can lose some of the essence of the teaching that way,

But I do find that having exposure can sometimes,

You hear the example,

The same thing,

Same teaching,

But you hear it in a different way,

You hear it framed in a different way,

And it just,

Like,

All of a sudden,

You're like,

Man,

I've heard this a million times,

And then all of a sudden,

A teacher from a different tradition says it,

So,

You know,

And then you get it.

And so I think we're very lucky in that sense,

We're very,

Very lucky to have access.

And so not to get too attached either to any tradition,

I think is helpful,

Because that in itself can become a bit of a,

You know,

That's an attachment,

That's an attachment.

You know,

The spiritual path is riddled with pitfalls,

Riddled,

Riddled.

This is why I'm constantly talking about what they are,

Because it's in those pitfalls that the awakening is happening as well.

It's in those pitfalls.

So I'll just answer these last few points,

And then we'll,

Yeah,

Okay,

Goodbye,

Philippe,

I think you're already gone,

Sorry.

Oh,

And Firefly,

You're saying,

Yeah,

They feel synergistic as well.

So,

Moj,

The idea of no doing is so simple,

Yet,

And equally profound and hard to do.

Yeah,

This is a bit of the paradox,

It is simple.

But the hard part is,

I swear,

The hard part is the ego telling you it's hard.

The ego is setting this up as an obstruction.

Because if you just accept that it is quite simple,

It is quite simple,

It takes no time at all.

And just to expect that,

Yeah,

It's going to,

Your attention is going to come and go.

Don't make that a thing.

Don't make it a thing.

Right?

You just don't make it a thing.

It's not a problem.

You're not making this happen.

You're not making this happen.

And so,

The more that you let go that you are the one making this happen also,

It just becomes easier,

The whole path becomes easier.

There's no one to be liberated.

There's no one to awaken.

And seeing that,

There's just a freedom in that.

There's a freedom.

Okay,

With that,

Thank you,

Laura,

For the donation.

And Michelle,

Thank you very much for the donation.

And thank you all for the great questions.

Thank you for being here,

For sharing this path.

And we will meet again next Sunday.

But in the meantime,

Just be very mindful of the one who lost it,

The one who needs to get it back,

You know,

The one who needs to awaken.

It's just another trap of the ego.

You didn't do anything wrong.

You didn't fail.

Don't get lost in the failure.

I've got to get better.

That's just more ego.

And that's the heaviness mode.

You're like,

Oh,

I got to get back to it.

It's just seeing you're not that.

It's just seeing you're not that,

Right?

It's just continuously seeing you're not that.

It is no time at all.

No time at all.

Because presence,

Enlightenment,

Awakening is always right here.

It's not a destination.

It's in plain sight.

It is sitting here in plain sight,

And we are simply missing it.

Because we let the ego hijack our lostness and doubles down into,

Oh,

You got to do so much more,

And you suck at this.

And it's just seeing who sucks at this,

Who failed at this.

The illusion is broken again.

Awakening is here.

No one that awakened,

But there's awakening to what you're not.

Reviews

This talk really helped me to be aware that the elusive search for enlightenment is the distraction that blinds me to the reality of all the wonderful moments where I am in direct union with the universe.
Thank you so much for this very enlightening talk. Your warm friendly and intimate voice, using uncomplicated words makes it a delight to listen to.