Class 2 | Mind Wandering Isn’t A Problem, Losing Balance Is

We often judge ourselves for having a wandering mind, believing something is wrong with us. In this talk, we gently undo that belief. Mind wandering is natural; losing balance is what creates suffering. Through mindfulness, self-compassion, and awareness of the body, we learn how to come back—again and again—with kindness rather than criticism.

Transcript

So today is our class on mindfulness and mind-wandering.

So we're going to be talking a little more formally about mindfulness off the cushion.

We're going to really look at what that means to be mindful throughout our day.

I'm going to give you different practices.

You're going to have different tools in your mindfulness tool belt,

Different tools that you can use depending upon what's going on,

Depending upon whether you've got a lot of time,

A little bit of time,

How intense that particular moment is in your day,

So that you really have some resources to help you come more into your experience,

To come more into being with what's here,

With more awareness,

More compassion,

More kindness,

So that you can be more present.

Because when we're here,

Even with our unpleasant emotions,

We're present,

And it actually feels a lot better to not be pushing our emotions away,

To not be staying lost in our heads trying to solve problems,

But actually coming in to our experience,

To really feeling what's here and tending to what's here with a lot of skillfulness and wisdom and compassion.

So we're going to start,

Though,

With talking about the brain again.

And really,

Much of what we know about the brain was discovered within the last few decades,

Within the last three decades,

With the invention of machinery that made it easy to look into a brain real time and see what was going on.

So a lot less messier than having to cut someone's brain open.

You could just put someone into an fMRI machine,

Have them do different tasks,

And researchers were able to see what parts of the brain were active when they were doing different tasks.

So this is all really relatively new in the last 30 years,

What we what we understand about the brain,

And there's still a lot more to go,

But we know a lot more than we used to.

So when researchers were first studying this,

And they had these machines,

And they were putting people in these fMRI machines,

And they would have them do these different tasks,

There was an assumption that once the participant stopped doing the task that they were asked to do,

And that part of the brain would then become less active,

That the whole brain would be less active,

That it would go,

The brain would go into a resting state.

What they found was that every time that they told the participants to stop doing the task,

To stop giving their attention to a particular task,

A whole other area of the brain,

Different regions of the brain became active.

And this happened without fail.

Every time they took their attention off of a task,

This whole other region became active.

And they named this the default mode network,

That when we're not engaged in a task,

Needing our attention,

That automatically the default mode network becomes very active.

And this is the mind-wandering part of our brain.

So this is where we are time-traveling into the future,

Thinking about what we've got to do later,

Maybe thinking about lunch,

Kind of just loosely kind of just,

You know,

Wandering,

Thinking about the future,

Time-traveling into the past,

Thinking about conversations,

Thinking about things that happened,

And then just this general kind of narrating of our lives with a good deal of comparing and judging.

Like when we walk into a new environment and maybe you're looking for a chair,

There's a lot of comparing and you're kind of talking to yourself like,

Oh,

Should I sit over there?

Should I sit on the floor?

Should I sit here?

And it's kind of like,

Who are we talking to?

But we just kind of keep talking to ourselves here.

So the common thread amongst all of this thinking is that it is all self-referential.

It is all about me.

This is where the story of me lives and thrives and is created.

And mind-wandering is not bad.

We do tend to think of it as,

Oh,

My mind wandered.

That was a bad thing to do.

But it's not.

Mind-wandering is useful for us.

Everything in our brain is about some way giving us some survival advantage.

Like we talked about last week,

With stress,

It's meant to give that immediate threat to give us a survival advantage.

And mind-wandering does give us a survival advantage,

A little bit more of a longer-term survival advantage.

So we can think about like our ancestors when they were sitting around the campfire,

Sitting around the cave at the end of the day.

And they're just kind of going about doing some tasks,

Mundane tasks that they can do on autopilot,

Tasks they've done many,

Many times.

And their minds then start wandering.

Maybe they're thinking about the berries that need to get picked because now it's the time of year to go and pick the berries.

Maybe there's a conflict in the tribe,

And so they think,

Yeah,

We probably need to address that conflict in the tribe.

Or maybe now,

Now that they're not faced with doing something immediate that needs their immediate attention,

They're remembering when they were back at the watering hole that something seemed a little off,

Something seemed a little different.

And maybe we should be going to another watering hole for a while,

Or maybe we should just be a little more cautious the next time.

Something,

Now that I'm thinking about it,

Something just feels a little off.

And so this was helpful.

It kind of,

It brought some things up to the surface that weren't needing our immediate attention during the day,

But that are helpful for us in staying alive,

In surviving.

And this is still helpful for us today.

When we're doing a task,

When we're on autopilot,

Or we're just kind of sitting around doing nothing,

And the mind starts wandering,

Some things start to come to the surface.

Maybe a relationship that we think needs some conversation.

Maybe we're thinking about our job,

We're thinking about our promotion that we're looking for.

Maybe we're thinking that we don't like this job,

And maybe this job isn't aligned with our values.

Or maybe we're just not living aligned with our values.

So kind of having this arc of our lives,

So letting our minds wander in a way that kind of brings some things to the surface that aren't immediately needing attention,

But that could use some attention.

So this is helpful.

This is helpful.

We can reflect,

Maybe we can take some action.

So mind-wandering is helpful.

But if we consider the amount of time that our ancestors would have been mind-wandering versus how much time we mind-wander,

I think we would find there is considerable difference.

Because our ancestors,

And I'm talking like 10,

000 years ago plus,

Most of their day as they were going around foraging for food,

Hunting,

Getting things that they need to make tools out of,

Most of their time when they were out in their environment,

They would have really been paying attention in their environment.

Not like this constant feeling threatened,

But they would have been paying attention to what's going on,

Any kind of sounds or sudden movements.

They would have been looking around.

They would have been very aware of their environment.

So there would have been a very limited amount of time for mind-wandering during the day.

It really would have been when they were back at the camp or back at the cave,

Feeling safe,

That they would be able to give themselves the time to be able to mind-wander.

So they weren't doing it a lot.

And then they didn't have as many variables in their lives as we have today for things to even come to the surface.

So they had smaller social circles,

So not as many relationships to manage.

They had more clearly defined roles and fewer roles to play.

Very limited number of choices,

So very limited decision-making.

So even whatever it was that was coming up to the surface,

There wasn't a lot of stuff that needed to come up to the surface.

And so if you contrast that with our lives today,

Where we,

Of course,

Feel very safe,

Most of us,

Most of us feel very safe in our homes.

And as we're getting in our cars and driving familiar routes and going into different stores and different banks and different institutions,

Interacting with a lot of strangers,

But we feel quite safe.

We don't feel like we've really got to take in our environment and see,

Oh,

What are they doing over there?

What does this person look threatening over there?

Where's the exit?

If we were wandering into some really,

Really sketchy neighborhoods,

Really bad neighborhoods,

Our attention would be very different to how it is in our everyday life.

So because of our relatively safe environment,

For many of us,

Again,

Not all of us,

But for many of us,

We have a lot more opportunity to mind wander.

And we also have a lot more variables in our lives,

A lot more things that can be coming up to the surface.

So we have far more relationships directly and indirectly than our ancestors would have had.

So it's a lot of relationships to try and be thinking about,

To try and maintain.

We play a lot of roles.

We wear a lot of different hats.

And so there's a lot of thinking about all of these different roles,

And how are we doing in those roles?

And can we be doing better?

And what did we do badly?

So a lot of attention there.

Our finances,

Our jobs are often very complex,

Very nuanced.

And so a lot of things that we can be thinking about there.

And then even just when you consider that our ancestors would have had a limited amount of information about their overall environment,

I mean,

They would have known probably what was happening within a five-mile radius.

But we literally know,

At any point of the day,

What's happening in the entire world.

We know about every war that's happening in Ukraine,

In Gaza,

In Yemen,

And probably 10 more I'm not even thinking of.

We know about the famine in Somalia,

The earthquake in Eastern Europe,

The fire somewhere,

The shooting somewhere.

And this is a lot of information for us to take in that feels like it needs our attention,

A lot of things that we need to think about.

But of course,

Most of these things,

Especially the information we're getting on the news,

There's really nothing we can do about it.

And yet we keep thinking about it,

Thinking about it as though it's somehow directly affecting us.

And then all of the relationships,

And the roles,

And just our work,

And our finances,

And our health.

So much of the time,

There's so much coming to the surface that there's really nothing for us to do anything about.

There's a lot of things that are just unresolvable because of the complexity of our lives.

And so a good deal of the time,

We're mind-wandering,

And we're thinking about things that are unsolvable.

So we're just going from one unsolvable problem to the next unsolvable problem.

And what this is doing is leading to a hyperactive default mode network,

Where we're spending more time up here,

We're frequenting the default mode network more often,

And it's harder and harder for us to disengage from it.

And this is what's leading to a hyperactive default mode network associated with anxiety,

And chronic worrying,

And ruminating,

And chronic stress,

And just mental fatigue.

We were meant to visit the default mode network,

We weren't meant to move in there.

And yet we spend an inordinate amount of time mind-wandering.

And so this really,

It skews the way we see the world and the way we see ourselves,

Because everything is through this lens of me.

It's all about me.

And so every time we see someone doing something,

A neighbor or someone parking where they shouldn't be,

Or just someone doing something they shouldn't be doing,

We somehow interpret it as being threatening to us.

Like,

Oh,

They shouldn't do that,

That's affecting me,

Even when it has nothing to do with me.

Or just this endless thinking about what others are thinking about us,

Replaying old conversations,

And how did I sound,

And did they think I appeared smart?

Did they think I looked like an idiot?

And so what do they think about me?

What do I think about me?

What's going to happen to me?

So endlessly seeing ourselves and the world through this lens of me,

Thinking everything is about me,

When almost never does it have anything to do with us.

And so there's really nothing for us to solve here.

And this just leads to more stress,

Leads to more anxiety,

Because we keep popping back up into the default mode network going,

Something's wrong,

Something's wrong,

What was it?

Like,

We'll have that feeling,

Because we spend a lot of time there.

And because we're tending to focus on things that could be problems,

Right,

To keep us alive.

But we're just,

It's like a machine gun of just problems coming at us.

So there's kind of this negative bias,

This kind of feeling a little bit threatened.

We're thinking about something.

And then we get interrupted,

Maybe someone calls us,

And you're on the phone for a little bit.

And you hang up the phone,

And you think,

Now something wasn't good,

Something wasn't right,

I know I wasn't feeling good before,

What was it?

And then we go right back up,

We're looking for it,

Because there's still that residual feeling of like,

Something's not right,

Something's just,

It's a little off.

And now we go looking for it,

Because we're convinced there's something in our mind that something that we should be paying attention to,

That's a threat.

But most of the time,

We are just imagining problems that are not there,

That are never going to happen,

Or that are just completely unsolvable and have nothing to do with us.

And so the result of this is that we don't know how to be anymore.

We don't know how to be present,

We don't know how to relax,

We don't know how to enjoy the good conditions that many of us have,

Not everyone has good conditions.

And I'm meaning like relatively safe conditions,

You have a roof over your head,

You've got some food in the fridge,

Maybe a few dollars in the bank,

You've got some support,

Like,

You know,

These are pretty good conditions,

We're safe,

We've survived.

And yet our internal conditions are not matching up with our external conditions.

And so just to be clear,

Mind-wandering is not a bad thing.

Mind-wandering is very useful,

Very helpful for us,

When it's leading to clarity,

When it's leading to an action,

Something that needs to be done,

Or even just we're learning something from the past that we were thinking about.

That is useful mind-wandering.

But if it is leading to anxiety and stress and ruminating and worrying and mental fatigue,

Then it is not healthy for us.

It's not improving our lives,

It's making our lives worse.

And so there have been many studies to try and figure out how much time we actually spend mind-wandering.

And I like one in particular by Dr.

Matt Killingsworth at Harvard University,

Where he had an app,

And people in the study all over the world signed up for this app.

And throughout the day,

They would get pinged randomly.

And there was,

There were three questions that they were asked,

And they were kind of,

That they could choose,

Like,

Kind of an answer on.

The first question is,

What are you doing?

And it could be,

You know,

You're doing housework or errands,

You're working,

You're exercising,

You're with friends,

You're at dinner,

Like,

There was a variety of 20-something things that you could choose of what you were doing.

And then the second question was,

How engaged are you in this activity?

And I think it was like on a scale of one to 10,

You could kind of say how engaged you were with what it was that you were doing.

And then the third question,

How happy are you right now?

And again,

There was a kind of a sliding scale that you could put in about how happy you were.

And what he found was that on average,

Our minds are wandering about 47% of the time.

So almost half of our waking lives,

Our minds are wandering,

Thinking about ourselves.

If that's a,

We're awake for 16 hours a day,

That's eight hours.

Not eight hours continuous,

But eight hours back and forth,

Back and forth.

We're here and then we're up thinking about ourselves.

We're here and then we're up thinking about ourselves.

That's a lot of time thinking about ourselves.

It's too much time,

Too much time.

And what he also found in the study was that no matter how mundane the task,

The less engaged we were,

The less present we were,

The less happy we were.

And so if we were doing,

Just to put it on the other side,

If we were doing a very mundane task and we were present,

We were engaged,

We felt quite good,

We were quite happy.

So really showing this correlation that mind wandering isn't bringing us happiness,

Not in the way that we're doing it.

A little bit of mind wandering every day,

Very healthy,

Very good for us.

Also good for creativity.

Yes,

It's good for us and it's not creating a problem,

But too much mind wandering is really making us unhappy.

And as we talked about in the first class in this series,

Really we want happiness.

This is what we want.

We want more happy mind states.

We want to avoid unhappy mind states.

But mind wandering is bringing us more unhappy.

Mind states.

And for no benefit,

No survival benefit,

Just really to our detriment.

And yeah,

I mean,

The thing is,

Alice,

It's all self-centered thinking.

It's all,

The mind wandering is all about me.

Even indirectly when we're thinking about something about someone disagreeing with us,

Well,

They shouldn't think that way.

Somehow we feel like,

Well,

No,

That's affecting me because everyone should think the way I think.

Right?

It's always,

Whether it's directly or indirectly,

It's about ourselves.

It doesn't feel good.

So as this relates to meditation and mindfulness,

And I want to just touch for a moment again on meditation before we get into the more informal practice of mindfulness off the cushion,

Because these two relate to each other.

So when we're meditating,

And right now we're doing a very simple mindfulness of the breath,

Right?

There's thousands of different types of meditation.

What we're doing right now is just mindfulness of the breath.

And so our attention is resting on the breath,

And we know it only stays there for a few breaths,

And the mind starts wandering.

It's just what it's used to doing.

So the mind wanders,

And then something happens in us.

And in fact,

What's happening in our brain,

The salient network is detecting a change.

So the salient network is detecting changes in our external environment and in our internal environment.

So because we're meditating,

It's really detecting a change right now in our internal environment,

Where maybe there's a physical sensation,

A little bit of tightening,

Because whenever we are thinking about ourselves,

There's a little bit of tightening to a lot of tightening,

A lot of contraction.

So there might be a little tightening in there.

There might be a shift in our emotions,

A little bit of our change,

A little change in our emotions.

So the salient network is what kind of notices that change and says,

Hey,

Something's changed.

Something's changed here.

And what happens in that moment is that our awareness that was lost in the experience,

Lost in the mind wandering,

Now pulls back.

So just simply notifying there's a change,

And then our awareness pulls back,

And we're now aware of our experience.

There's a pause here.

And in recognizing that,

Another path appears.

Oh,

We don't have to just stay mind wandering.

Ah,

Come back to the breath.

And we just release back to the breath.

It's not a forceful pulling our attention back to the breath.

The force,

The pulling,

The resistance,

The clinging is all happening in our thoughts.

It's just that gentle,

You know,

The awareness is there.

The salient network kind of rings the something's changed.

And there's a pause,

Our awareness pulls back,

And a new,

You know,

There's like a fork in the road.

Oh,

Oh,

And it's just this gentle falling back into the breath.

And so through a daily meditation practice,

We improve the sensitivity and the responsiveness of the salient network,

To let us know when something has changed.

Because too much we're walking around all day,

And things are changing,

And kind of the bells going off.

But all we're doing is in fact taking that notification,

You know,

The tension or the change in emotion,

And just absorbing it up into whatever story we're telling ourselves.

So now we're getting more sensitive to noticing,

Ah,

No,

This is this,

There's something to do here now.

And this is why I think it's so,

I think it's very difficult to be mindful throughout the day,

If we don't have a daily meditation practice.

Because the networks in our brain that we are helping to be more cohesive and balanced and sensitive and responsive,

Are we're doing this in the daily meditation practice,

Whether it's a five minute,

Seven minute,

A 10 minute,

A 20 minute meditation practice,

We're getting more sensitive to the changes that are happening in our experience,

So that in that pause of noticing the change,

Our awareness is able to pull back and become aware of our experience,

And take the new path that is provided.

So as we talked about in the first class,

There's a lot of,

Of areas of the brain that are improving through meditation.

But the salient network is a really important one,

And a really important one as well,

Pertinent to being mindful throughout the day,

Noticing when something's changed,

Instead of just continuously reacting to these physical changes,

Like,

Ah,

It just breaks,

It gives that pause for us to step back and recognize what's happening.

So,

The practice of mindfulness,

Probably one of the most important things for us to remember with mindfulness,

Is that we are not looking to judge our experience in any way.

That would simply be more mind wandering.

Right?

When we,

We recognize we're judging ourselves,

Or we recognize we're judging someone else,

And then we start judging ourselves,

Because we're,

We were judging ourselves over judging someone else.

It's like,

It just kind of keeps doubling down,

Doubling down,

Keeping us in this loop,

Keeping us in an unsolvable problem.

So there is no judgment about our experience,

About the thoughts that we're having,

About the emotions that we're having.

Whatever thoughts,

Feelings,

Or emotions you are having,

It's a normal part of the human experience.

We tend to feel like,

Oh,

No,

I'm thinking,

I'm thinking horrible thoughts,

Or I'm,

I'm having,

You know,

These emotions I wouldn't want to share,

And I wouldn't want to tell anyone.

And you don't have to tell anyone.

But you have to be,

For you,

Just to be honest about what it is that's happening in our experience.

And in a way that doesn't bring judgment,

That doesn't bring shame,

That isn't punitive about what's happening in our experience.

So we want to be really,

Really clear.

We're not judging our experience.

We're trying to get closer to what it is that's happening.

We're trying to open up to what's here,

To feel what's here in our body,

To bring ourselves back into the present moment,

Not to push away unpleasant experiences,

Not to deny what's happening.

That's what we are doing,

And we're doing that in our thoughts.

And we're not resolving anything.

Right?

So it's really about helping us come into our experience in a way that brings,

Invites compassion,

And kindness,

And tenderness,

And wisdom,

And skillfulness.

So that we can work with what's here in a way that settles down our nervous system,

That brings a resolution in mind,

Right?

That brings us to a resolution.

So,

The first kind of practice that I would say about mindfulness,

And that's always available to us,

And that is really a kind of a proactive practice,

Is breathing mindfully,

As simply as it sounds,

Like just taking a deep breath,

Feeling the breath as it's moving through our body,

Just kind of checking in proactively throughout the day,

How are we feeling?

So often,

As we've talked about in the past,

Like the stress kind of stacks on us throughout the day,

Right?

Just the,

We were late for something,

We missed something,

There was a disappointment,

There was an email that came in,

It wasn't the response we were looking for,

Just little things,

Nothing like super sticky,

But just kind of that stacking of stress,

The way it kind of comes on.

And so,

Checking in throughout the day,

Just breathing mindfully,

You know,

As a way to just,

Yeah,

What's happening,

Like kind of taking our temperature,

What's going on?

And we can notice like,

Yeah,

Maybe there is a little anxiety,

A little stress building,

Nothing too sticky at this point,

But just a little there,

And we go,

Yeah,

Okay,

I can just breathe mindfully into this,

I can feel it,

Right?

So now,

We're regulating our nervous system,

Instead of just that go,

Go,

Go,

Go,

Go until we exhaust ourselves or blow up.

Now,

We're letting the stress move through us.

We're acknowledging what's here,

We're breathing into it,

We're resetting the nervous system,

Right?

Our internal conditions starting to match our external conditions,

Feeling more safe,

Feeling more at ease.

And so,

Just checking in throughout the day.

Thich Nhat Hanh at his monasteries,

And I used to go to one a lot in San Diego,

He has called Deer Park,

It's just outside of San Diego.

And I'm sure he does this at Plum Village,

Or I'm sure it's still happening at his other monasteries.

Every hour on the hour,

They'd ring the bell.

And so,

In the monastery,

You'd hear the bell ringing,

Everyone would stop and breathe mindfully.

And it would just be a minute of everything,

No matter what anyone was doing,

Everyone just stopped what they were doing and breathed mindfully and just checked in to notice how they were feeling.

And it's amazing how just an hourly check-in can make us feel different,

Because we're not letting things get out of hand,

We're not letting things escalate.

And we're getting more used to coming in and feeling what's here,

And breathing more mindfully,

Because we tend to hold our breath,

Almost,

Because we're starting to get stressed,

We're starting to get tense.

And we tend to not breathe very consciously,

Very deeply,

Without any awareness.

And so,

Just breathing mindfully can be such a helpful,

Proactive thing that we can do,

That as you're transitioning from one thing to the other,

Like maybe opening your email,

Every time you open your email,

Just taking a mindful breath,

Just a mindful breath.

Yeah,

Right?

Because it's just,

We're so easily lost in these habits.

And we're trying to really break these habits,

We're trying to change them.

So,

In any ways that we can bring in,

In things like that,

And I would recommend doing the bell,

Right?

Don't do your alarm on your phone,

You want just a nice bell,

Right?

So that you can just,

You hear the bell,

And it's just that little reminder,

Little reminder.

And then also,

Again,

As we're going about our day,

And things aren't,

You know,

Our thoughts aren't getting too sticky,

Not too intense,

We're not too emotional.

But we're just kind of in that movement of always rushing forward,

Right?

It's just,

Whether we're in a rush or not,

We,

There's this momentum,

This habit of momentum of always wanting to be somewhere other than where we are,

Right?

I got to get over there,

I want to get on the other side of the dishes.

You know,

I'm going to the store,

But I'm just walking to the car,

But my mind's already at the store,

Right?

We're always,

Your mind's always kind of 10 steps ahead of the body.

This creates a lot of tension within us,

Right?

This kind of,

Oh,

I got to,

I got to hurry up,

I got to hurry up.

And of course,

Sometimes we do need to hurry up,

Sometimes we need to move quickly,

But not always,

Not always.

And so just being very mindful of that too,

Like,

Again,

We're noticing more,

There's a change,

You're just,

You're walking about,

You're grabbing the keys,

Or you're doing the dishes,

And the salient network's kind of saying,

Hey,

Something's changed,

Something's changed,

Because all of a sudden there's a tension,

There's a contraction inside of us,

This kind of urgency sense.

And then in that moment,

We can just,

Oh,

Recognize,

Yeah,

I'm just rushing for no reason.

There's no need to even be rushing right now,

But it's just,

It's bringing more awareness to that rushing momentum,

That rushing habit,

So that we can,

Again,

Just take a mindful breath,

Right?

It's not something too sticky,

Right?

So we just breathe mindfully,

Come back into the body,

Right?

Use our senses,

Right?

If we're doing the dishes,

Really feeling the liquid and the soap on our fingers and the plates,

And as we're wiping them,

And really looking at what's going on,

And are we getting,

Are we doing a good job?

Are we cleaning properly?

And really being interested in what it is that we're doing,

Bringing more attention to what it is that we're doing.

And just slowing down a bit,

Like if we can,

If you're able to slow down,

Then slow down a little bit.

It feels so good when we are able to slow down to slow down.

It really feels good.

And coming into our body,

Coming into our direct experience now,

Feels really good,

Because we are dialing back any of the stress hormones,

Even if it was just a little bit of a release,

Just that little bit of got to get there faster,

Little adrenaline,

Little cortisol,

We're starting to dial those back.

And in its place are all the calming neurotransmitters and hormones,

The GABA,

And the oxytocin,

And the serotonin,

And the dopamine,

Right?

And not the dopamine from a craving standpoint,

Which is what we're talking about next Sunday,

The chasing of happiness and the motivation reward pathway.

But in fact,

It's because dopamine has does different things depending upon where it's released in the brain.

But in fact,

It brings more of a sense of curiosity and interest into what it is that we're doing,

Right?

And doing the dishes.

And we're not fighting doing the dishes,

We're not trying to rush through doing the dishes.

There is a little bit more interest in the dishes,

There's a nice feeling in doing the dishes,

Or,

Or we're walking outside to the car.

And instead of just kind of trying to catch up with our mind that's already at the store at the bank,

Or wherever we need to get to,

We start to notice like what's going on,

Oh,

Look at that bird over there,

You know,

Look at the butterfly,

Look at the mountains,

Look at the way the light's hitting it,

Right?

There's more interest in what's happening in the present moment as well,

Because it is far more interesting than the thoughts about me.

So noticing that momentum of just and because this,

This is a place again,

That we're now you're responding,

Of course,

To what's happening.

But just being more mindful of that momentum of wanting to move faster.

And then the other side of that momentum is when,

When we have to pause when we're,

When we're in a line,

When we're in traffic,

We're behind a big truck,

And we can't get around them,

Or something's been delayed,

A web page is taking a while to load.

In those moments as well,

Again,

It's that tension,

Right?

Something's changed,

Something's changed,

The tension's building up.

And it's that pausing and noticing again,

And just breathing mindfully,

Just yeah,

I'm here.

I'm here.

Feeling your fingers on the keyboard again,

Looking and seeing the different sites and using sound and,

And feeling yourself on the chair or as you're walking,

Right,

Grounding yourself back into direct experience.

So a lot of this is just kind of continuously just bringing ourselves back,

Bringing ourselves back.

And every time we're doing that,

We're changing our habit of continuously just going up into the default mode network,

Making a hyperactive default mode network.

And instead,

Starting to appreciate,

Yeah,

It's pretty nice here.

It's pretty good here.

I mean,

We say we want happiness.

We say we want to feel peace,

Contentment.

We're not finding that in our thoughts.

But it is here in the present moment.

And so every time we're noticing that the momentum forward or the pushing back,

Right,

And again,

It's just that gentle release,

The pull is in our thoughts,

The force is in our thoughts.

But once we're aware,

Once our awareness has come back,

And we're aware of our experience,

And that new path,

Direct experience,

Presence here,

Be here now,

Right,

That path appears.

It's just this kind of releasing back into it.

It's effortless.

We think,

And I'll hear people say this,

It's so hard to be mindful.

What's so hard is holding on to our thoughts.

That's what's so hard.

That's what's so difficult.

So it's just that gentle release back to our thoughts.

And of course,

There are situations where our thoughts are a little stickier.

And so we have more practices to help us deal with those situations as well.

And the next practice that I want to give you comes with a story.

And so some of you probably,

Well,

Some of you Libby,

I know you know this story.

Sue,

You know this story.

It's the Monica story.

So there's a young woman that enters the supermarket with her three-year-old daughter in the shopping cart.

And there just happens to be this lovely elderly gentleman,

He's walking in behind them,

And he just happens to be with them throughout the whole supermarket.

It's not creepy,

He's not following them,

But he just happens to be keeping pace,

And it's pertinent to the story.

So when they get to the cookie aisle,

The little girl starts grabbing for cookies,

And she's trying to throw them in the cart,

And the mother's telling her,

No,

No,

No,

We can't have any cookies,

And she's putting them back.

And she's just starting to kind of build up to a little bit of a tantrum,

The little girl,

Starting to get a little upset because there's not going to be any cookies.

And the mother just says,

Very softly,

Very calmly,

There,

There,

Monica,

We're nearly halfway through the supermarket,

Let's not get upset now.

So then they get to the candy aisle,

And the little girl starts grabbing for candy,

And the mother's like,

You can't have any candy,

We're not buying any candy today.

And now she's starting to work up a little bit,

The tears are coming,

She's starting to wail,

She's starting to cry.

And the mother just says,

So calmly,

So sweetly,

There,

There,

Monica,

Only two more aisles,

And we'll be at the checkout stand,

Let's not cry now.

So then they get to the checkout stand,

And of course,

Checkout stand has all the candy,

And the chips,

And the gum,

And little girl's making one last final attempt to get some gum.

And upon hearing there will be no gum purchased,

She goes into her worst tantrum yet.

And the mother just says so sweetly,

So softly,

So gently,

There,

There,

Monica,

We'll be all through this checkout stand in five minutes,

And then we can go home and take a nice nap.

So the gentleman,

You know,

He's seen this through the whole supermarket,

And he's just so impressed with how the mother has responded to little Monica.

So he follows them out into the parking lot to compliment the mother on just what how patient she was with little Monica,

To which the mother replies,

I'm Monica,

My little girl's name is Annie.

So the whole time through the supermarket,

She was talking to herself,

She was dialing back her own stress,

Because the way we talk to ourselves can either push us over the ledge,

Or it can bring us back.

And talking kindly to ourselves is just such an immediate way to bring us into our experience,

But really into an unpleasant experience.

But giving us kind of the spaciousness and the wisdom to understand like this isn't going to last,

Right,

It's just going to be for a little bit.

And then in five more minutes,

I can go home and take a nice nap.

Like it just gives us that energy to be able to be with what's here in this moment.

Because we've all been there,

Like we were on hold with customer service,

And we've been passed around for two hours.

And maybe we're finally about to get through to the person we really need to talk to when the line gets disconnected.

And we know our habit,

Right of framing,

This is all about me.

And this is such a nightmare for me,

Right,

How easily we can go over the edge then.

But just saying something in that moment,

Like,

Wow,

Sweetheart,

This is really tough,

Isn't it?

And that's my favorite,

Favorite self or self-compassion phrase.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

This is really tough,

Isn't it?

It's not denying that,

Yeah,

This is tough.

Yeah,

I was on hold for two hours.

It sucks,

Right?

And I just got disconnected.

But it kind of gives us a perspective where it's like,

Yeah,

It's not great.

It's not going to last.

And I don't need to make this any worse than it already is.

And so the science shows when we talk to ourselves,

When we're using kind self-talk,

It is more effective in the second and the third person.

Because of course,

The first person is the mind wandering,

Right?

Me,

Oh,

This is happening to me,

Right?

And it doesn't really dial back the stress.

But when we use the second or the third person,

You're using our name,

Or you can handle this,

You're doing your best,

Right?

Or just even using a sweet,

Like I like saying honey or sweetheart,

Right?

Just as a way to kind of cut through the habit of wanting to make this difficult situation worse than it really is.

And it just does that.

It just slices right through it.

The moment we bring in some kindness,

We should never underestimate how a few kind words can just bring us into our experience with compassion and wisdom,

Right?

If someone said something to us,

And it's hurtful,

And we can just say,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

That really hurt,

Didn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah,

It did hurt.

Yeah.

And now I'm tending to what's going on.

I'm hurt.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Sweetheart,

I know that hurt.

I know that hurt.

And when we pet ourselves,

The more we go up,

If we pet like from our forearms to our upper arms,

To our face,

That's also incredibly soothing and comforting for us to like,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

That was,

You know,

That wasn't your best moment back there,

Was it?

Nope.

Nope,

It wasn't.

Nope.

Right?

So we're not denying what's happening.

But it's bringing us into our experience so that we can be with what's here in a more skillful way with more compassion,

With more wisdom.

So talking kindly to ourselves is just,

It's a powerful tool,

Particularly when we really are on the go,

We don't have a lot of time to stop.

You know,

We are feeling rushed,

We're trying to get somewhere,

Right?

And we're,

You know,

We're going to miss the plane,

Right?

And the mind wants to go jump ahead,

You know,

To what's going to happen if we miss the plane.

And we can,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

This is tough.

Yeah,

This is tough.

Yeah,

Keep going.

Let's just keep going.

Let's moving.

Yep.

Let's just stay in the body.

Stay here.

You know,

We can be with this.

Let's see what happens.

Right?

And so we can talk ourselves off the ledge,

Instead of pushing ourselves over the ledge.

So hugely important.

And I'll put up,

Michaela,

As you're saying you like that,

That practice,

I'll also put in our group page,

Several self-compassion phrases that you can choose from,

And just find which ones work for you.

You know,

And just like you,

Michaela,

For me,

It's just,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

This is tough,

Because we do experience difficult conditions in life.

And meditation and mindfulness isn't about denying the difficulties that we do have in life,

But it's really giving us the tools so that we can be present with what's here,

So that we don't lose our perspective with what's happening right now,

And not create greater problems for ourselves as well by exaggerating what it is that's happening,

The way we kind of,

Again,

Skewing this,

Oh,

This is all about me.

This is so horrifying.

It's just,

This is a tough moment.

You know,

This hurt,

Or just not your best moment back there,

Was it,

Meredith?

And I'll use that one too,

Like,

Yep,

Didn't say the right thing back there,

Maybe kind of made a little bit of fool out of myself,

Like,

Not your best moment,

Yep,

And you're human,

And it's okay.

So it just,

Again,

Kind of helps us,

Helps us to be,

Again,

With the difficult conditions,

But also,

You know,

With our own imperfections as well,

Because it's important that we know how to just,

You know,

Kind of be able to not take ourselves so seriously sometimes,

And just to kind of just keep things in check,

Like,

Yeah,

You know,

Not your best moment.

Now,

You know,

If there's something to apologize for,

Of course,

Go and apologize,

But a lot of times it's not,

It's just,

It wasn't my best moment,

Yep,

And you're human,

It's okay,

Sweetheart,

We can stay with this.

So,

Self-compassion,

Talking kindly to ourselves is a really,

A really powerful,

Powerful practice.

I mean,

It's compassion,

It's opening our hearts to ourselves,

And when we open our hearts to ourselves and our experience,

Like,

With compassion,

There's wisdom there,

So there's wisdom as well.

And then our last practice that I want to go over,

Our last formal kind of mindfulness practice,

And we've talked about this many times,

But it's using the acronym RAIN,

Which is very common,

And Tara Brock really made it very popular,

And it's just,

It's a,

It's kind of an easy acronym to remember,

R-A-I-N,

RAIN,

And,

And so these are for those times when,

When we do have a little bit more time,

And it's not always,

Like,

Sometimes we don't,

Sometimes we don't have a lot of time to do the practice,

It's just maybe a few kind words,

A few mindful breaths,

Like,

It's just,

We kind of need to regulate as best we can,

And that's what we have those tools for.

Okay,

You don't have the time for it,

That's okay,

But later,

You know,

Later in the day,

And,

And if that thought keeps coming up,

And it's nagging you,

Then yeah,

We need to do a little bit more,

We need to,

We need to go a little more deeply into our experience to see what's happening.

So the R in RAIN stands for recognize,

So this is in that moment when we've already paused,

We've already kind of pulled back,

We're becoming aware of our experience,

And in that moment,

If we can recognize,

Like,

There's kind of a first noticing,

Of course,

Just I'm lost,

But can we recognize,

Like,

Oh,

There's anger arising,

There's hurt arising,

There's jealousy arising,

There's comparing arising,

There's judging arising.

If we can label it,

It's very helpful if we can,

Because immediately in labeling what it is,

It starts to dial back some of the fear centers in our brain.

So labeling it is,

Is hugely important,

Not I'm angry,

Right,

That's more from the first person I'm in it,

Right?

Oh,

There's anger here,

Anger arising,

Hurt arising,

Embarrassment arising,

Shame arising,

Guilt arising.

If you can't label it right away,

Don't get stuck there,

You can just say something unpleasant arising,

Right?

Just again,

To just kind of,

In some way,

Recognizing what's happening,

Even though you can't quite put your finger on it,

But you're still acknowledging,

You're recognizing there's just something unpleasant here,

Not quite sure what.

And then the A in the RAIN acronym is about allowing and accepting what's here to be here.

And so the way we accept what's here is by feeling what's here.

I almost wish in the RAIN acronym,

We could do F-R-F-I-N,

Because you know,

The allowing and accepting,

It is pointing to feeling,

But sometimes we don't quite get that as clearly.

And this is probably the hardest part for most people,

Is feeling what's happening in our experience.

We are a very disembodied society,

We live in our heads,

We have so much fear about coming in and feeling our feelings,

We feel like,

Or we think that we're going to get overwhelmed by feeling our feelings,

When in fact,

It's just the opposite,

It's the thinking about our feelings is what overwhelms us.

So this is a difficult part,

The feeling,

And I say that,

Because it might feel a little bit awkward to you the first few times you do this,

And I just want to encourage you to keep at it,

Because anything that we're doing that's new,

Is always a little bit awkward the first few times if we're learning how to play the piano,

We're learning how to cook,

We're learning whatever it is that we're learning,

It's always a little bit awkward in the beginning.

And this part might feel a little bit awkward,

But really by allowing and accepting what's here,

We have to come in and feel,

Because the story,

Lost in the story,

That's not allowing and accepting,

That's staying lost in the story.

But as soon as we come in and feel,

Like the feelings are real,

They're happening,

The story's not happening,

But the feelings are happening.

And we really want to allow our feelings to be as they are,

We're not trying to push them away,

We're not trying to stop them down,

We're not trying to jump over them,

We're trying to come in and feel.

So really,

With a sense of curiosity and interest as you come into your body,

And you can maybe kind of start going down from your chest to your neck or your head,

You know,

Kind of feeling as you go down,

Like where is the intensity?

You know,

Maybe you get to your chest and you can feel the contraction there,

Or maybe you feel your heart racing and you can pause there and just feel it,

Oh wow.

Maybe breathe a little bit of space there,

Not to push anything away,

But to allow,

Right?

To welcome what's here,

Yeah,

It's okay.

You know,

Stress,

You're here,

It's okay,

It's okay.

Right?

So we're really open to our feelings,

Breathing mindfully,

Right?

So really coming into our body,

And we don't want to move on from this step too quickly.

This is a really,

Really important part of mindfulness.

The more that we can connect into what it is that we're feeling,

And stop fearing feeling,

The more emboldened and empowered we are.

Because so often it's like fears arising,

And we're just,

Oh,

Here comes this wave of fear,

And we're just,

We panic,

We don't want to feel it.

But when you get more comfortable feeling your feelings,

Right,

They're not pleasant,

But they're not nearly as terrifying as the story with the feelings is horrifying.

But when you're just in the feelings,

You can bear it,

You can bear what's really happening in this moment.

And then as we feel things,

Because we are still going to feel things throughout our lives,

We're not trying to turn into robots,

We're not trying to have,

Not feel anymore,

Not have emotions anymore,

But we don't want to get overwhelmed by them,

Right?

And particularly,

As we're changing old habits,

I mean,

There's just almost a certain amount of fear that arises throughout the day,

Amount of anxiety,

Or stress,

Or disappointment,

Frustration,

Just kind of almost the body's just remembering it and just keeps replaying it over and over and over.

And of course,

The thoughts are kind of keeping us stuck in that loop.

But the more that we get used to feeling what's here and opening to what's here,

Again,

Bringing an open heart to what's here,

Like,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Stress,

It's okay that you're here.

Oh,

Jealousy?

Yeah,

It's okay that you're here.

I'm so sorry,

Jealousy,

I didn't give you my attention before.

Let me give it to you now.

And so we feel what's here in the body.

So that as these feelings continue to come,

Because our thoughts,

Our feelings,

Emotions always changing,

And will always change,

We're able to really be with what's here.

It's like,

Oh,

Here it is.

Oh,

Here comes fear.

Yeah,

Hasn't visited for a while.

It's okay.

Yeah,

We know how to invite it in,

To welcome it in.

So being,

You know,

The A in the RAIN acronym,

The allowing,

Accepting,

Is feeling,

Allowing and accepting our feelings,

Really opening to them with compassion and kindness,

With tenderness.

So feeling what's here.

And then the I in RAIN is for inquire.

And I want to ask us to inquire kind of in a particular way,

And I mentioned this the other day on the talk,

From this teaching in A Course in Miracles,

Where it says you're never upset for the reason you think you are.

And to really kind of have that frame of mind that when we're inquiring,

When we're first angry at someone,

Because maybe they talk down to us,

And we're,

We spend so much time,

I'm so angry at them,

And they shouldn't have done this,

And they're rude person,

And I should put them in their place.

And I'm trying to come up with the perfect line to get back at them.

Like we think we're solving the problem right there.

And we think we've gotten to the problem.

Right?

But behind our anger is some hurt.

Right?

There's,

Oh,

That's what,

Oh,

There's some hurt here.

Yeah.

So we can,

We can really even frame in a way like,

You know,

What's here behind the anger?

And because now we're very settled down and the stress hormones have come down,

And the more calming hormones have come up,

Because we're in our direct experience when we're inquiring in this way.

Right?

We can really ask these questions in a way like,

What's behind the anger?

And now we can see it.

Oh,

There's some hurt behind the anger.

And what's behind that hurt?

The feeling of being looked over,

Of being not important,

Of not belonging,

Right?

So much of these,

There's these deeper wounds that we carry,

And we keep getting triggered again,

And again,

And again.

And I'm not saying it wouldn't still hurt if someone speaks to us unkindly,

But it doesn't hurt so deeply if we come and intend to those wounds,

Because that's what's really going on.

That's what we're really upset about,

That there's this feeling like,

I'm not important,

I don't matter.

And that's what we want to come in and nurture,

Right?

That's the end in RAIN,

To nurture and go,

Oh,

Yes,

You matter,

You're okay.

We can be here with this,

You're enough.

Right?

And really talk to ourselves in a way,

Again,

Second and third person,

That really helps us to be here with our experience,

Really tending to the wound.

I mean,

So often,

Even take something like jealousy,

No one ever likes to admit that we get jealous.

But comparing is part of mind-wandering.

And in this world where there's endless things to compare ourselves to do,

It's just inevitable that we'll eventually fall on something and feel a little bit jealous,

Right?

And so we stay on the jealous,

Oh,

And I suck,

And they're so great,

And my life sucks,

And their life is so much better,

And we kind of stay focused on that.

But when we recognize,

Oh,

Jealousy is here,

And then we come in and we feel it in the body.

And I really do like to talk to a lot of the emotions here,

Too,

And just sing like,

Jealousy,

It's okay,

You're here.

Comparing,

It's okay,

You're here.

Guilt,

It's okay,

You're here.

Right?

Hurt,

It's okay,

You're here.

And then when we get to the inquiry part,

And we ask the jealousy,

You know,

What's behind the jealousy?

Oh,

Is there a fear that there's not going to be enough for me?

Ah,

Okay,

That's what's going on.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

There's enough for you.

There's enough for you.

You're okay.

Right?

And it's starting to bring us into our experience in a way that's really nourishing,

And kind,

And tender,

And acknowledging the reality that,

Yeah,

We are okay.

We just kind of got a little lost in that mind-wandering,

Got a little lost in that mindset of comparing and thinking that something was wrong with our lives,

When in reality there was nothing wrong.

But we tend to what's there,

We keep getting behind,

You know,

Lower,

You know,

Deeper and deeper.

I mean,

Even so many times when we're feeling overwhelmed,

Right?

Or we're feeling like we've got a big project,

Maybe a big presentation or something,

Right?

And we can stay like,

Oh,

There's this feeling of overwhelm,

Like,

Yeah,

And be with the feeling.

And then it's like,

What's behind the overwhelmed feeling?

Oh,

The fear of failing,

The fear of not being competent enough,

The fear of not being seen as competent.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

Is that what's going on?

Oh,

Sweetheart,

Yeah,

You're doing your best.

And so all we can do is our best.

You're human,

Right?

So then we talk to ourselves in a way that that really gets to the core of the problem.

And so this is why through this acronym of RAIN,

It's so important for us to take the time when we can.

I do get that we don't always have the time,

Just a little self-compassion on the way,

A little,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

This is tough.

Sweetheart,

A little bit more to go,

And then we can go home and take a nice nap or,

You know,

Just kind of rushing and we're breathing mindfully like,

And I totally get that we want to make sure that these tools really work for the world that we're living in today,

Because we're not going to go back to caveman times.

We can simplify our lives to some degree,

I think is helpful.

But we do still have a lot of complexity to our lives.

There's a lot going on.

And so sometimes we're not going to have the time to really go through the whole RAIN acronym.

But later in the day,

You know,

You will have time and especially if it's still kind of nagging at you,

Then it's like,

Okay,

Let me take the time.

I mean,

Really,

It can be four or five minutes,

Four or five minutes to tend to something inside of us that feels a little bit wounded,

That feels not acknowledged,

That feels like it doesn't belong.

And now we're really getting to those deeper wounds,

So that we're not getting so crippled by life's disappointments or by the people that are difficult in our lives,

Or just the person that's a little bit unkind to us,

Right?

So that we're not sloughing these things off either,

We're not ignoring,

We're never ignoring.

But we're able to really come and intend to what's here in a way that's like,

Yeah,

There's some hurt here,

There's some fear,

There's not enough,

Right?

So we're really getting to the core of what's here.

And once we've gone through that,

Once we've gone through RAIN,

Recognize,

And thank you,

Philippa,

For putting it up there,

Recognize,

Allow,

Accept,

Inquire,

And nurture.

Once we've gone through that,

We are really,

We are here,

We're grounded.

And we can decide in that moment,

If something needs to be done.

Do I need to have a conversation with that person?

Because we're not also wanting to turn into doormats,

Like maybe someone's been kind of passive aggressive with us,

They've been talking down to us,

They've been dismissive.

And we might decide,

Yeah,

I do want to go and have a conversation with them.

Maybe I want to send them an email.

But not,

You know,

Again,

We're not trying to solve the problem by I'm going to just put them in their place with what I say,

But I'm going to go and talk to them in a way that,

That,

You know,

Maybe this relationship matters to us.

And we say like,

Hey,

When you talk to me like that,

It really,

I feel more distance between us,

I'm pulling away from you.

And I just,

I wanted you to know that that's what's happening.

Every time you do that,

I pull away from you,

I don't want to pull away from you.

But that's what's happening.

And we kind of just leave it at that,

Like,

It's up to them to decide,

Right?

Or maybe there's something your neighbor's being really loud.

And,

And you went through the practice,

Because,

You know,

It's kind of our habit to push back,

No one should be noisy,

Everyone should be quiet for me.

And then we might decide sometimes just,

You know,

Let them do what they're going to do.

It's the middle of the day,

You know,

Let them have their party,

Whatever they're doing.

Or we might decide,

You know,

Maybe I'll just ask them nicely and see if they might turn the music down.

If they don't,

Okay,

But I did what I could do.

But so,

So we're,

We're acting then the actions that are coming out.

And I would,

I would suggest that most of the time,

There's nothing to do.

Most of the time,

There's just nothing to do.

But every now and then there is something to do.

And then we're acting more out of presence,

We're acting out of,

Out of compassion and kindness,

But really,

And strength,

And strength,

Not weakness as well.

So,

So we have our mindfulness practices,

Our meditation practice is really the foundation for being mindful throughout the day.

And always built in,

Like we talked about last week,

I think we talked about on the first class,

And begin again,

Begin again,

Begin again,

Right?

We fall off,

We get a little lost,

Because those habits just play out,

No problem,

No judgment,

Right?

As soon as there's an awareness of the experience,

As soon as you're aware,

Right?

Ah,

Just begin again,

Begin again.

This is,

There's no room for judgment,

No room for being punitive here.

It's just begin again,

It's going to happen.

It's going to happen.

So let's expect that,

Right?

Let's build that into the practice.

And we just begin again,

Clean slate,

No problem,

Begin again.

So today,

We are going to do a seven minute meditation in a minute.

And so what we started with on the first class was doing a minimum of one minute every day,

And a maximum of five minutes,

And no more than five minutes,

If you're new to meditation,

Or if you've fallen off your practice,

And you're trying to establish it.

For those of you,

And you know who you are,

That have been doing it,

Continue just doing what you're doing.

So today,

We're just going to move it up a little bit more.

So for the next week,

Minimum one minute,

We can do anything for one minute,

Maximum of seven minutes of meditation,

That's it.

So we're just doing seven minutes of mindfulness meditation.

And I'm going to start to introduce some questions in our meditation.

And we're just going to start with one question today.

Many of you are familiar with this question.

What is it that you most intrinsically want to feel and know?

So in the beginning of our meditation,

After we take a couple of deep breaths and just let the breath and be a little bit more natural,

I'll ask you this question.

When I ask this question,

I want you to really think about how you want to feel,

Right?

Independent of what's happening outside of you.

So our answer should not be dependent on any external conditions.

We're so quick to say,

You know,

I want,

You know,

What is it that I want to feel?

Well,

Usually we think,

What is it that I want?

You know,

I want to be happy,

I want this promotion,

I want this new car,

I want all these new things.

But really,

We want all these things because we want a feeling.

We want to feel.

And I think the most common answer that people give for this answer is peace.

We want to feel peace.

Inner peace,

Contentment,

Satisfaction,

Safe,

A sense of belonging,

A sense of being okay.

Something along those lines,

Because we don't want our answer to be dependent upon anything outside of us.

And we ask this question in the meditation because we just too easily get pulled into thinking our happiness is out in the next moment,

That our happiness is somewhere other than where we are.

And as I talked about last week,

And as I'm often talking about in our Dharma talks,

The peace that we are seeking is always right here.

Peace doesn't come and go.

Our attention comes and goes.

So whenever we are here and we're present,

So we're not in that chasing mindset,

We're not in that resisting mindset,

There's a sense of ease and peace.

We're here in our direct experience.

The peace that we spend so much of our lives chasing never left us.

We left it every time we went up into our thoughts,

Thinking that we're solving problems or thinking that we're going to find our happiness in the next moment,

Thinking that we're going to find peace in the next moment.

So we ask this question as a way to keep reminding us what it is that's most important to us.

And it connects us into why we're sitting and meditating,

Because sometimes we forget peace,

Peace,

Even just saying the word.

Yeah,

We kind of get the sense of yeah,

It's here,

It's here.

And then even throughout the day,

As we're going about our day,

Because as we ask this question again and again and again,

I've probably asked this question hundreds of times in our meditations over the years,

Right,

It starts to become more in the forefront of our mind.

So we notice when we're starting to race to the next moment,

And then even that is just kind of a signal as well,

Like,

Oh,

Hang on,

The peace was here.

And we breathe mindfully and we come back into the present moment.

So it just helps as another kind of rail guard for us,

Kind of noticing when we're getting into those old habits,

Those old patterns,

And helping to pull us back.

So we'll bring in the first question today for our meditation today,

And ask this question when you're doing your meditation on your own.

And maybe the word isn't peace,

Maybe it's something else,

Whatever word arises that speaks to you,

Let it arise.

And you will find from time to time the word does change,

Right?

Sometimes we get a little bit more refined on our answer.

And so when you ask the question,

Really let the question sit in silence for a few moments,

And then see what arises,

See what it is,

What word is really the best description for what it is,

The best pointer for what it is that you most want.

Okay?

So I see,

And Hannah and Emil,

I see your questions and a bunch of questions here,

Hi Simon.

Let's do our seven minute meditation first,

And then we'll get to some of the questions in the comments,

Okay?

Does that sound all right?

So let's go ahead,

It's just seven minutes,

We can do this for seven minutes.

Okay,

So just close your eyes,

And just make sure that you're in a comfortable position,

You might need to make a few adjustments.

Make sure your back is straight,

Uncross your legs.

And just at your own pace,

Take a few deep breaths in and out through your nose.

So really opening up on the inhales,

Expanding,

And a very slow exhale.

And at the end of your next exhale,

Allow your breath to be natural.

Just let it find its own rhythm.

And ask yourself,

What is it that you most intrinsically want to feel,

To know?

Now,

Let that answer just fade away,

And bring your attention to your breath at the tip of your nostrils.

Just feeling the breath as it enters and exits through your nose.

And once you become aware that your mind has wandered,

Just very gently feel that release back to the breath,

Back to the peace and the stillness of your breath.

And as we begin to come out of the meditation,

With a big inhale,

Take your arms over your head,

A big stretch.

And as you exhale,

Gently lower your arms and slowly open your eyes.

So,

Adding in the question in your meditation,

In your daily meditation,

One minute minimum,

Seven minute maximum,

Unguided,

And using your mindfulness practices when you're off the cushion.

Mindful breathing,

The breath is always here.

If it's not here,

There's nothing to be mindful of.

Right?

But breathing mindfully,

Noticing that momentum of the mind going forward or pushing back,

Self-compassion,

Talking kindly to ourselves,

And using the RAIN acronym.

Using the RAIN acronym to really get to those deeper wounds inside of us of why we keep getting triggered in the same ways over and over again.

Right?

We've got to do something differently.

And this is what makes a difference.

This makes a massive difference.

It changes the habits.

When we have that a moment of the awareness of our experience,

That new path presents itself.

And it is,

We just fall into it.

It's very gentle coming into it.

Right?

There's no force in this.

There's no pushing back on our experience.

There's no trying to deny our experience.

We are really coming into what it is that's here.

And it just changes the way we relate to what's going on in our lives,

The ups and downs of life.

And it doesn't take away all the high and exciting moments of life.

Like they're still going to be there.

They're going to be great.

You're going to be more present for them.

Right?

But all the self-created suffering,

Right?

That stuff,

You know,

Which is a lot,

You know,

That stuff is really what we're really getting,

Minimizing a great deal.

And then how we handle the difficulties in life.

You know,

We just handle them with such greater compassion and wisdom.

You know,

There's just not a,

These things that used to be such a problem for us,

They're just not a problem.

We handle it.

We respond appropriately to what's going on.

And in this way,

The default mode network becomes less active.

And we do still want to mind wander,

Like some mind wandering is healthy,

Is good for us to do some mind wandering.

But you'll know when you've gone too far,

Because that contraction comes in,

Right?

But a little bit of mind wandering is a good thing,

Right?

So thinking is not our enemy.

It's not our enemy.

It is the amount of thinking and the types of thinking that are really creating such problems for us,

That are causing us to live in our heads versus to live in the world that we're here,

That we're actually living in.

And what we're trying to do is get to match up our internal conditions with our external conditions.

Okay,

So thank you all so,

So much.

So have a wonderful rest of your Sunday,

Be present,

Breathe mindfully,

And just begin again.

And we'll see you guys next Sunday.

Reviews

I am so grateful your talks are recorded… Especially This one. I’ve already listened to it twice., Three times if you include the original live 😊🙏😊🙏😊

Amother brilliant and beautiful talk.

This is what I need to hear 🤗💫🩵