How To Live A Good Life

Sharing my 3 top principles and/or practices for living a good life. Each of these principles overlaps with each other, supports each other, and gives our lives meaning, purpose, and happiness. Follow these 3 and you'll never have to worry again.

Transcript

We've been talking a lot about the ego lately,

Really looking at how the ego arises through our thoughts,

Thoughts about ourselves,

And how these images keep getting created through these thoughts,

And how our ego is the master of disguises and keeps catching us off guard.

So when we remember a time that we were excluded from something,

Or we were rejected in some way,

And all of a sudden that image arises,

That unworthy image,

That insecure image,

And we believe in that moment,

That's who we are,

That's reality,

Simply through this thought.

Or if it's a thought about a mistake that we made,

And then instantly that image of I'm so stupid,

I'm such an idiot.

You know,

That image,

That unpleasant image arises,

And we think that's who we are.

Or we start comparing ourselves to other people's lives,

And feeling like our lives are somehow inadequate,

And instantly that unworthy image arises,

The I'm a loser image arises,

And we keep believing that that's who we are.

So the ego image is not just an obstacle on the spiritual path,

It's an obstacle if we want to have a happy life.

And so while we,

On the one hand,

We are trying to understand the ego,

We're trying to understand the impermanent nature,

It arises through thoughts about ourselves,

And as soon as those thoughts go away,

So does that unworthy image.

And so we're bringing more awareness to it,

More diligence in trying to recognize when that ego starts arising,

The conditions causing it to arise.

And then using mindfulness,

Using our mindfulness practices,

Using wisdom to abandon our ego.

So on the one hand,

This is what we're doing with our ego.

And on the other hand,

We can be putting forth more effort towards practices,

Towards principles that help create an environment where the ego has a really hard time getting a foothold.

So I want to share today the top three practices or principles to live a good life,

What I consider the top three practices or principles to help us live more peacefully,

More harmoniously,

With more purpose and more meaning in our lives,

And with less ego.

So the number one practice is kindness,

Because what the world needs now more than anything is kindness,

Not just kindness for our family and friends,

But kindness for our neighbors,

For strangers,

Kindness for the shop clerk,

Kindness for the person on the other end of the customer service line that's had a really tough day,

Right?

That our kindness for everyone that we're interacting with each day,

And even for those people that don't agree with us,

That have different political views,

That have different religious views,

Social views,

To have kindness for them as well,

Even just kindness if it's just not judging them,

If it's not calling them names.

Because kindness has a way of tearing down those barriers that create separation between us and others,

And that's not what we want.

It's not how we progress.

It's not how we ever come to some kind of agreement with other people.

So our kindness is supported by wisdom and compassion.

So when the person that drives by us on the freeway and cuts us off,

And whereas our ego wants to throw a fit because we could have died,

Instead we recognize,

Hey,

You know,

I sometimes do that too.

Maybe I could give them the benefit of the doubt,

And maybe that's the kindest thing I could do,

Is just give them the benefit of the doubt like I give myself the benefit of the doubt when I do the same thing.

Or if I'm in a conversation with someone and they're really angry,

And maybe they're yelling at me,

And the kindest thing I could do is at least not to yell back and to walk away,

Not with bitterness,

Not with anger,

Not with disgust,

And not thinking all these awful things about them,

But recognizing they're suffering because whatever they're yelling at me about is probably not the real source of their problem.

I'm just the outlet for it at this moment,

And I can give them the benefit of the doubt.

And when I do that,

I give less opportunities for my ego to get in there.

So anytime that we can practice kindness in just everyday situations,

Being more generous with people,

If we have something that someone needs,

Give it to them.

In practicing forgiveness with other people,

Giving people the benefit of the doubt,

Allowing people to make mistakes,

It doesn't mean that we let them walk all over us,

But we do treat them like a human being that makes mistakes just like we do,

And we forgive them so we don't carry that around in our heart,

Not giving the ego an opportunity to get in there.

And practicing more patience with someone who's really struggling,

There's something going on in the long line,

And what that person needs ahead of us doesn't need our judgment because they're paying with coupons or with pennies,

Right?

They don't need our judgment,

They need our patience,

Our kindness.

So there are so many ways that we can practice kindness.

And of course,

To make sure that we are practicing kindness,

That our kindness includes ourselves,

That we're always being kind to ourselves because we have bad days.

We make mistakes,

We have a day we're not as mindful or a moment we weren't as mindful.

So don't beat ourselves up,

That's not useful,

It's not helping in any way.

To be kind to ourselves in those moments,

To give ourselves the benefit of the doubt,

Because the more quickly we can do that,

The less opportunity there is for the ego to get in there and start creating that unworthy image.

So the next practice is living gratitude,

Not just practicing or doing the gratitude practices.

Living gratitude,

Being the embodiment of gratitude,

This continuous flow and outpouring of love and appreciation for the lives that we have,

And recognizing that every moment is a gift.

We spend so much time taking everything for granted,

All the good conditions that we have.

If we're too hot,

We turn on the air conditioner,

Not now,

While we're recording,

After.

If we're too cold,

We turn on the heater.

If we want food,

We walk into a kitchen with an abundance of food.

And as we look at all that food,

Gratitude for these amazing conditions that we have every time we get in our car.

Gratitude that we have this vehicle to drive us around.

Gratitude for the friend we can call if we need help.

To have gratitude in every moment for all the little things,

For the beauty that we experience in the world every single day,

Whether it's in nature,

In poetry,

In a song,

In art,

To really pause and have gratitude for that beauty that it opens up inside of us.

If we have pets,

You know,

When our pets come to us with those big eyes,

You know,

Pet me,

Love me.

Instead of thinking,

Oh,

I'm busy right now,

I'm doing something important.

No,

This is another being coming to us,

Wanting our attention,

Have gratitude for those moments.

If it's a child,

Definitely stop what you're doing and have gratitude that they're there.

They want you,

They need you in that moment.

For so many things,

When we live gratitude,

When we go about our day,

Really recognizing the gift that this is and appreciating every single moment,

There's less opportunity for the ego to get in.

There's more opportunity for us to be present,

For us to be happier,

For us to feel that sense of abundance,

Of wellness,

Of having enough,

Which is what we want.

And through the simple practice of living gratitude,

To live gratitude.

And the third practice or principle is to live more simply,

To use less technology.

We talked about this a few weeks ago on when we talked about the pleasure and pain networks in our brain,

Neural networks being co-located and how anytime we go for technology,

It's always activating that motivation reward pathway,

Which means the pain is coming.

To not be a slave to technology,

It's useful.

We wouldn't be having this call right now without technology,

Right?

Have gratitude for that.

But to not let technology take over our lives,

Where we have to know the news every minute,

Where we have to be on social media,

For more than what would be a reasonable amount of time of just checking in and staying in contact.

It's just impossible.

Our brains are not wired,

Particularly with social media,

To spend time scrolling through,

Looking at everyone else's highlight reel and to not start comparing ourselves when that little image arises.

My life sucks.

I'm such a loser.

Like we're not smarter than this.

So we have to be really careful with technology to turn off our phones more,

Have less notifications,

Reduce the amount of news that we absorb,

Or maybe just check the sources of the news of where we're getting it,

To make sure we're not getting kind of gossip news,

But we're getting real news if that's what we want.

So living more simply is reducing technology.

It's wanting less,

Recognizing that how easy it is to just hop on Amazon.

Even down here in Mexico,

We have ways of getting Amazon down here to us.

It's not overnight.

We have to wait a little bit longer,

But we can still get it down here.

But to recognize that reaching out for Amazon,

You know,

Do I really need this?

What am I doing right now?

Am I just looking for something outside of me to complete me?

Is it my ego?

You know,

Or could I walk away from this and go for a walk instead?

Go be in nature instead of accumulating more stuff.

And then to also learn to say no more often,

To make our lives less busy,

To simplify our daily schedules.

It's just impossible to be racing from one thing to the next,

And to be able to practice kindness and gratitude.

Because of course we can't,

We're under the gun.

You know,

We're threatened.

Our ego's running the show.

So if we're running from one thing to the next,

Even if they're fun things,

It's too much.

It's not normal for us to have such busy lives,

To be staying in contact with so many people,

To be doing so many phone calls,

To be spending two hours on email connecting with people,

Or going and meeting people every night for drinks,

Or three nights a week.

It's probably still too much.

I mean,

You'll know for yourself what's right and what's not.

But we do need to do less,

To be able to say no more,

To say it to ourselves when we're packing our days in there.

When we're just,

Oh,

There's an hour free there.

I can fit that in.

I can squeeze this in.

That's not being kind to ourself.

It's really hard to be living gratitude when we're racing from one thing to the next.

And I was just talking with someone today.

She was talking about it,

Just being down here in Mexico and being up North.

She's in the San Francisco area.

And she's just saying,

God,

Everyone's just running around,

Running around.

And she said,

It was just so different.

Of course it is a little different down here in Mexico,

But we don't have to be running around.

We do.

We have good conditions that we should be grateful for,

And that we should also take better care of these good conditions to create the space that we need in our day to be,

To be more grateful,

To be more kind,

To be able to pause and open the door for someone as they walk in the store,

To let someone go ahead of us in line,

That as we're backing up to let someone go before us instead of,

Oh,

I gotta go first,

Right?

We can't do that if we have busy lives.

So less entertainment,

More walking in nature,

Less technology,

More reading books,

Reading poetry,

Just sitting and meditating or contemplating,

Just being,

Just giving ourselves the space to be able to move a little more slowly in this world,

More gently,

More kindly.

And so if we embody while we're being mindful for the ego,

Looking out for the ego,

Using our mindfulness practices to abandon the ego,

The other side of that is creating the conditions where the ego does not arise,

Or at least it's very hard for it to arise.

And the benefit for us is that we do feel better.

We do want less.

We're more accepting.

We're more present.

You know,

Our relationships are better.

If we need help,

And this is how,

These are the principles of how we're living our lives.

Someone's gonna be there to help us.

We're more relaxed.

We're more calm.

We're enjoying our lives.

We're not taking things for granted.

So the more that we can put our effort towards these practices,

I mean,

These are my top three.

You might have some others,

But this can give you some food for thought.

How can you balance out,

You know,

To create the conditions where the ego just has a hard time living,

And where we really thrive in living?

Reviews

🙏🏻

I found this discussion and offering to be so beneficial, just resonates with me so much 🙏 Thank you.❤️

Very powerful & life changing. I have been working on living more simply with less technology by taking more walks & reading books. Thank you.

So so loved this talk and yes these are my top three in living my best life 💕

Thank you 🙏