The Wisdom Of Tonglen | Compassion

In this talk, followed by a meditation, we explore the power of compassion to help us "get the teachings." Too often we focus more on the intellect and accumulating knowledge and wonder "Why we aren't getting it?" Because the heart is where we get it. We must have a balanced practice of knowledge/wisdom and compassion/heart to awaken.

Transcript

If we want to have a well-rounded practice,

A truly well-rounded balanced practice,

Spiritual practice,

That is going to take us all the way to enlightenment,

We need to make sure that our practice is balanced out with wisdom and compassion,

With the intellect and with the heart.

And while these are two separate,

They can be practiced separately.

The wisdom and compassion,

Those qualities,

Are actually not separate.

They are not independent.

They are,

In fact,

Interconnected.

That true wisdom is born of true compassion,

And true compassion is born of true wisdom.

And in the West,

We do have a little bit of a tendency to focus a bit more on the wisdom teachings,

On the intellect,

On accumulating knowledge.

And we tend to give a little bit of lip service to the heart,

Do a little bit of heart practices,

But we don't really value it the way we tend to value the wisdom teachings,

The intellectual aspect of our practice.

And yet,

When we do this,

It's really evident when we're not getting something.

When we say to ourselves,

Like,

I know why I should let go of my anger,

It's making me unhappy.

I know this resentment is doing nothing to improve the situation,

But I can't let go.

I'm not getting it.

I'm not getting something.

Because the heart is what gets it,

Not the intellect.

And this is reflected in the Zen story about the Zen master and the young philosopher.

Where there is this very wise and compassionate Zen master,

And people would come from all over for advice from this master,

For his counsel,

His teachings.

And one day there was a young philosopher that came to the village seeking out the master to have a debate with him,

Determined to prove his intellectual prowess to the master.

So he finds the master just on the verge of a lake or standing on the edge of a lake about to get into his robo,

And he approaches the master and bows and does his greetings.

And he tells the master,

I have studied under the greatest minds of our time,

And I have developed profound insights into the nature of reality.

And so I have come to challenge you,

Oh master,

To a debate of wit and wisdom.

And the master says,

Okay,

Well I'm just about to get into my boat,

So why don't you pop in,

We'll go for a little spin around the lake,

And let's have this debate.

So they get in the boat,

The master is rowing them around,

And the philosopher is espousing all of his knowledge,

All of these intricate details,

And these complex elaborate theories,

And trying to impress the the master with how intelligent he is.

And for hours he's speaking so eloquently,

Using big words,

Right,

Really trying to emphasize just how much he knows.

And after a couple of hours,

He realizes the master hasn't said anything.

So he stops for a moment and he says,

Well,

You know,

Are you going to debate me?

Are you going to say anything?

And the master stops rowing for a moment,

He pauses,

And he says,

Well,

My friend,

It is very evident that you are very intelligent,

But you have made a fatal error.

And the philosopher is like,

What?

What are you talking about?

And he said,

Well,

You have filled your boat with so much knowledge,

There is no room for anything else.

Your heart is closed,

And you are sinking under the weight of your intellect.

You don't get it.

The heart is where we get it.

Because it is the wisdom teachings that at first become just an intellectual understanding for us.

But when our hearts are open,

Those intellectual teachings drop right in,

And that's where the wisdom is.

That's where the wisdom is born,

In the heart.

It's where we get it,

In the heart.

So it's why we balance out our spiritual practice with wisdom teachings,

Wisdom practices,

And compassion practices.

And it's why,

Over the summer,

We did seven weeks of kindness practice.

It's why we do gratitude practices.

It's why we do loving kindness meditation.

But to truly round out our heart-centered practices as well,

We need to include compassion.

Because compassion practices are the heavyweight of heart-centered practices.

Compassion is where our heart meets pain and suffering.

Compassion is where we look directly at pain and suffering,

Where we move closer towards it,

Instead of our typical response,

Which is to look away,

To push it away from us.

We don't want to see it.

And I completely understand why we do this,

Why we don't want to look at it.

It makes us so uncomfortable.

We don't know what to do.

We don't know what to say.

And we fear that if I look too closely at it,

If I get too close,

I will be overwhelmed with emotion,

With empathy,

With fear,

With guilt,

With sadness.

And I won't know what to do with that.

Or we fear just that sense of helplessness,

Because maybe it's just something that seems too big for us.

Someone's dying or diagnosed with something.

You know,

Someone's lost their job.

They're going through a breakup.

And we're dealing with the homeless problem,

And it can seem so big.

We think,

What can I do?

I'm one little person.

What could I possibly do?

And because it's so overwhelming and we feel so helpless,

We look away,

Closing our hearts,

Practicing indifference,

Practicing separateness.

And what we are missing are those moments,

Those beautiful moments where we can connect with someone in a very raw and real way,

To share the burden of their pain and suffering,

Instead of making them endure it on their own.

We share love,

We share joy,

We share gratitude.

And the pain and suffering is something we often do on our own,

When we most desperately need someone to come and share it with us.

And we miss those opportunities to awaken in the pain and suffering when we meet another person and we're able to be with their fears and their worries and their despair and their shame and their guilt,

That we can be there even while our own hearts are quivering,

That we can be there,

That we see past all the outer conditions of what's going on with this person and we feel what they are feeling.

Because we know what pain and suffering is.

We're able to be with the person,

The being,

To see the being in there that is suffering.

And these are the moments in which we wake into reality,

Where we have these profound,

Deep moments of connection,

Where there is no separation.

All the other stuff we think about matters,

None of it matters anymore because we're with what's real.

We see the other being.

That's what compassion is,

Looking past all the outer conditions,

The circumstances,

The behavior,

And seeing a being that is suffering because we all know what suffering is.

And there's a story,

I have told this a few years ago,

But I'm going to tell it again.

I'm rehashing a lot of old stories recently,

So you guys are getting used to this.

So it's the story of the candle maker,

Where the candle maker is up in heaven and he's making all the little candles and he's lighting each candle.

And each little candle is talking excitedly because they're all about to go down to earth and have a human experience.

And they're talking about what it is that they want to experience when they go down there.

And so one candle is saying,

I want to explore,

I want an adventure.

And another candle says,

Me too,

Let's go,

I'll find you.

And then another candle says,

I want to know what real love is,

That soulmate love,

Just one person you just feel so connected to.

And another candle says,

Me too,

Let's go,

I'll find you.

And all the little candles keep shattering away.

And then one little candle says,

I want to know what real forgiveness is.

I want to know what that feels like to forgive someone that has really hurt you,

What one must go through to be able to know real forgiveness.

The candle maker stops what he's doing.

He's like,

Oh gee,

I don't know if any candles would be willing to dim their light enough to be on the other side of that for you to experience it.

And then one little candle says,

I'll do it.

I'll be on the other side for you so you can experience what real forgiveness is.

And the other candle says,

Really,

You would do that for me?

He goes,

Yeah,

Just don't let me forget who I really am.

This is what compassion is,

Seeing who people really are,

Not forgetting who they are,

Not forgetting who we really are.

That when we see a homeless person in the street,

That we don't just walk by them and look away because we're too overwhelmed to look at their shame.

Or we put a few pesos in their jar,

Walking quickly,

Because the guilt is just too much for us to look at them.

But instead to look at that person in the eye,

They are a human being who is suffering,

Who has gotten really bad causes and conditions.

And every time we look away,

We are practicing indifference,

Separateness.

And yet every time we look,

Even as our hearts quiver,

And it feels uncomfortable and awkward,

And we fear what emotion might come up,

But we see that other being and we connect for a moment.

When you look them in the eye and you put your hands together and you do a little bow,

A blessing,

You know,

Just something to acknowledge this is a real human being.

And down here in Mexico,

And I know this is in the States as well,

In the city about an hour from here,

The big city,

When you get to some of the big traffic light intersections,

There's usually someone out front doing a juggling act or doing some kind of little entertainment or people walking up and down,

Selling little trinkets,

Sometimes just begging.

And after the jugglers have done their thing,

They walk it up and down the cars,

You know,

Looking for money.

And you can see most people looking away.

They don't want to look at it.

And you can just imagine what it must take to get up every single day and do that,

To make your living in this way,

To have most of the world that they can't even bear your situation,

That they can't even look at you.

And for everyone that looks away,

That is another practice of indifference,

Of separation.

But when we look and we roll down our window and we don't just give a few pesos,

We say like,

Wow,

That was amazing out there.

That was great what you did.

You know,

Or we just touch their hand or something and just say,

You know,

Bless your heart,

Something,

Acknowledge them.

They are a real human being.

That's compassion.

When we practice that,

When we look at pain and suffering,

It happens here,

Not up here.

So if we want to be able to let go of our anger,

Our resentment,

Our judgment,

Our own despair,

Our own guilt,

We have to come into our hearts.

The intellectual teachings alone will not help us.

They will always remain intellectual,

Intellectual,

Will be just like the philosopher,

Spouting off knowledge,

But not really knowing it to be true.

So if compassion practices are the heavyweight practices within heart-centered practices,

Then tonglen practice is the heavyweight champion.

And this is the practice that we're going to do today.

It's the practice that I'm going to introduce right now.

And it is a Tibetan Buddhist practice.

And what it means,

Tonglen,

Means giving and receiving,

Sending and taking.

And it's a visualization practice where we are imagining taking on the suffering of others,

Breathing that suffering in,

And sending back healing,

Loving light.

So taking and sending,

Right,

Receiving and giving.

It is an exchange.

And why tonglen is the heavyweight of compassion practices is because it's not just that we are moving closer to pain and suffering,

That we are looking directly at it.

We are taking it on.

We are taking the suffering on and transforming it.

And we do this as a meditation practice in the controlled environment of our meditation practice,

Starting with things,

Small things,

Working our way up to bigger and bigger things so that we can go out into the world and practice.

So as we practice tonglen,

We are increasing our capacity for compassion,

For empathy,

For understanding.

We are practicing non-judgment.

And we are reducing our capacity for indifference.

And this is critical.

Indifference.

No one woke up,

Became enlightened or awakened as long as they still had indifference.

So what we're doing is we are equalizing self with others.

We're looking past all of the outer conditions,

And we are looking to what it is that we share.

We are looking to that common denominator,

Pain and suffering.

It does not matter who you are.

Everyone experiences it.

And we all feel it the same way.

A homeless person,

A teenager,

A CEO,

We all feel pain and suffering the same way.

And having a practice like tonglen alleviates that helplessness feeling.

When it's something happening,

Again,

So big,

The homeless situation,

The poor,

The floods in Libya,

The war in Ukraine,

Where these things seem so big.

And it's like,

Again,

What can I do as one little person over here?

How could I possibly help?

We can take that situation,

Visualize the people in Ukraine,

Imagine taking on their fears,

Imagine taking on their suffering,

Their uncertainty,

Their loss,

And sending them back healing light.

Taking this situation and becoming a kinder,

More compassionate,

Less judgmental,

Less indifferent person.

So taking these tragedies and using it to become a more compassionate and wise being.

And aren't we then contributing something to the world?

And if it's something even closer to us.

Or it's a friend who's sick,

Who's dying.

And it's so hard for us in those situations.

We don't know what to say.

We don't know what to do.

It's so uncomfortable.

It's so awkward.

And they feel our awkwardness.

They're the ones dying and we make it more awkward for them.

It's uncomfortable for us.

But we do tonglen practice.

We visualize taking on their fears,

Their worries,

Their pain.

And we send back healing light and love and peace.

And this reduces our grasping.

It reduces our indifference so that we can be with them and be at ease.

We can be okay just being in their presence without saying anything.

Maybe that's all they need.

And we can be okay.

And they sense it.

So it is a practice that helps us when we have that helplessness feeling and we're so desperate to want to do something,

Sometimes making it worse.

But instead we have something to do.

And every time we practice increasing our capacity for compassion,

For empathy,

For understanding,

For practicing non-judgment,

Reducing indifference,

Taking the intellectual teachings and opening the heart so that it can become wisdom,

Our wisdom.

So our practice,

And I know some of you have done tonglen with me in the past.

For those of you that are new to it,

We're going to start out by doing some breathing at our heart center,

Just stabilizing the mind,

Stabilizing the heart.

So we'll just spend a minute or two here breathing.

And then we're going to start by visualizing just the taking in and sending.

And how we do this is by visualizing dark heavy smoke.

So we're visualizing,

We don't have a person at the other end of it yet.

We're just going to spend a minute or two visualizing.

It doesn't have to be super dark heavy.

If you're new to the practice,

Just lightly gray smoke will be fine.

So just visualize breathing in and sending out white light.

And that's all we'll do for the next minute or two.

Just practice visualizing smoke coming in,

White light going out.

And then after a couple of minutes,

We're going to imagine a family member,

A friend,

A colleague,

Someone you care about that is going through a health challenge.

And they can just be sick with the flu this weekend,

They could have COVID,

They could have a broken leg,

Could be someone that's really,

You know,

Experiencing something really tough,

Right?

Going only as far as you feel comfortable in your practice.

So maybe starting with something a little bit small for today.

And then you're going to imagine that person as though they're in front of you.

And as you breathe in the smoke,

You are taking their suffering,

Their fears,

Their worries,

Their pain.

And as it comes into your heart center,

And transforms into this healing white light,

You are sending out spaciousness and peace and love and healing light.

So it's just this continual taking and giving,

Taking and giving.

And we'll do that for about a minute or two.

And then we will expand our visualization to include all the people in the world that are experiencing a physical or some kind of health challenge.

So then we imagine again,

We're taking it in through our heart center,

Right,

Breathing in that smoke.

And then out of every pore in our being,

We imagine this beautiful white healing light going out to the whole world,

That we are just sending out this healing light.

And we'll stay there for a few minutes.

And then we'll go on and we'll just imagine,

You know,

All beings that are going through a breakup,

Going through a divorce,

And again,

Taking on their suffering,

And sending it out.

We'll imagine all beings that are lonely,

Feeling isolated,

Feeling alone,

Taking on their suffering,

And sending it out.

And this is the practice.

So we'll keep doing this.

And then we'll let the visualization go.

We'll just stay on the breath at the heart center for the last couple of minutes of the meditation.

And just to keep in mind,

This is a practice.

Anything we do in the beginning is difficult.

You learn to ride a bike,

The first few times it was difficult.

You learn to kite surf,

My fellow,

I don't know why I was thinking there was a kiter on here.

Rick,

Maybe Rick,

Did you kite surf?

Okay,

No other kiters on here.

When we learn to do some other windsurfing for Doreen and Rick,

You know,

When we learn to do mountain biking,

When we learn to do yoga,

Anything we learn in the beginning is difficult,

Is challenging,

And we have a little bit of resistance to it.

We don't like things that are not easy for us to do.

And I'm asking you to come to pain and suffering and to try your best to keep your attention on it.

So it's not,

You know,

It's not a walk in the park.

So just notice it's a practice.

Have compassion for yourself.

It is a practice.

We are learning.

Know that your mind is going to wander during the practice.

That's okay.

And it's probably going to wander a few times too.

I don't get this.

I'm not sure if it's working or not.

Just notice the thought,

Bring your attention back,

Back to wherever we are in the visualization,

And try to let go of any expectations of what,

You know,

One practice,

One tonglan is going to do for you.

Trust that if you do the practice,

Like you are doing a practice that not only moves you closer to pain and suffering,

You are taking it on.

You are taking on the pain and suffering of others.

That is a deep and profound practice.

It reduces our indifference,

And we do not want to be practicing indifference.

And we want to be getting the teachings.

We want to take them from this intellectual understanding down into our hearts.

This is the most profound way and the deepest way that we can open our hearts to others,

To really see the nature of reality,

To not just talk about it,

To not just espouse our intelligence,

Our knowledge,

But to really know what is true,

That every being wants to be seen.

Every being wants to be seen as a being,

That we can look at anyone and see them and not in fear look away.

That is wisdom,

And that is compassion.

So that is our practice that we are going to do now.

So we'll do,

We might shorten it up a little bit just given the time.

We might take off the last group of people.

So once,

And Libby,

I know you've got to go.

I know you were just waving then.

You've got to go.

Okay,

Practice compassion on your way out.

It's not just a practice for the cushion.

So let's just go ahead,

Close your eyes,

And just make any adjustments in your seat.

Uncross your legs,

And we'll begin by breathing in and out of our heart center,

Imagining our heart center expanding and relaxing with each breath.

And anytime the mind wanders,

Just gently bring your attention back to the breath,

Back to your heart center.

And now start to visualize smoke entering in through your heart and sending it back out as white light.

So seeing the stream of smoke coming towards your heart center,

And as you exhale out of your heart center,

Sending out a stream of light.

And now imagining someone you know,

A family member,

A friend,

A colleague,

Someone who is having a health challenge,

They're sick.

And as you imagine them in front of you,

Visualize taking on all of their pain and fear and sadness in the form of this smoke that comes into your heart,

And sending them back,

Healing white light.

So taking on all of their fear,

All of their pain,

The smoke coming into your heart center,

And sending back the spaciousness and ease of this white light.

Not worrying about if you're not feeling anything about this,

Just doing the practice,

That intention that you are taking on their pain and suffering,

You are seeing their pain and suffering,

And you are taking it from them and sending them back peaceful white light energy.

You might notice in your visualization that the person starting to look more at ease,

More at peace,

That they are feeling less burdened,

Because you see them with their pain and suffering,

And you are taking it from them and sending them back,

Loving,

Kind,

Healing,

Peaceful,

White light energy.

And now imagining all the people in the world that are experiencing some health troubles,

And you are taking on their pain and suffering,

Their fears and their worries,

Breathing that in as smoke into your heart center,

And then breathing out of every pore in your being,

Healing white light energy,

Touching every being in this world that is suffering because of their health.

I can imagine all the people in the hospitals,

And people that are at home curled up in their bed with the flu,

People on crutches and wheelchairs.

As we breathe in their pain and their suffering,

Taking it from them and sending out healing white light,

360 degrees,

Every pore in our being,

Radiating this beautiful healing white light.

And then just for a few moments,

Thinking about all of the people that are lonely in the world,

This epidemic of loneliness that's happening right now.

Just imagine taking on their pain,

Their suffering,

Their isolation,

And out of every pore in your being,

Sending out this healing white light,

Reminding them we are all connected.

And now letting the visualization go,

And just focusing on your breath around your heart center.

And as we slowly come out of the meditation,

With a big inhale,

Take your arms up over your head,

A big stretch at the top.

And as you exhale,

Gently lower your arms,

And slowly open your eyes.

Okay,

So I will,

Normally,

I just send out the talks each week,

And I cut out the meditation,

Mostly because meditations are really hard to edit.

I don't know if you could hear Bodhi barking a little in there,

And you can hear me swallowing and things.

So I'm going to edit it,

And I'm going to attach it to the talk.

And then I might,

I might do a separate tonglen where I really can control the environment a little bit better.

Because I think this is such a powerful practice.

I think it's something we really should be doing regularly.

We really need to acknowledge this indifference quality that we carry around with us so much of the time,

And how much that is hindering our practice,

And our growth,

And our wisdom.

It's really slowing us on the spiritual path.

And so I really do want us to focus more,

You know,

In tonglen,

Definitely kindness practices.

You guys know I love kindness practices.

You know,

Gratitude,

Of course,

All of these practices.

But this is the heavy lifting.

When you can look at someone that's experiencing pain and suffering,

And even though your heart is quivering,

You can be with it,

Right?

You can see the being there.

I mean,

There is so much compassion and wisdom there,

And seeing the nature of reality.

We are all connected.

We are all connected.

We are not different,

And we do not want to,

We do not want to be nurturing the quality of indifference.

We want to be nurturing the qualities of compassion.

And next week we are going to do a tonglen part two,

Because there's a lot to this practice,

And I couldn't quite get it all in one talk.

And also just more ways that we can practice this outside of our formal sitting.

And of course,

That is the point of compassion practice,

Is to not just practice it on the cushion,

But to practice it off the cushion.

And so we'll have some more practices to help us with that.

Also tonglen for ourselves,

To deal with our own suffering,

To be able to come towards our own pain and suffering as well.

Because this is where we get it.

We get it in the heart.

We don't get it intellectually.

We need the intellectual understanding.

It's a foundation,

But we've got to get that heart open so they can drop right in,

Right?

So we really have genuine wisdom and compassion.

Thank you all.

Namaste.

Happy Sunday.

Good to see you guys.

Reviews

Life changing. Thank you!

Thankyou Meredith. A new way for me to practice compassion.

Namaste 🙏
💜🩵💙💚💛❤️🩷🧡
💮🪷🏵🪰🌹🌸🪻⚘️🌼🌻🌺

Thank you! So helpful for both softening and strengthening the heart ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗

Excellent live and in person!!Thank you, Meredith💕