Feeling Our Feelings

When (not if) unpleasant feelings are arising our practice is to be with them, to give them our full attention and to hold them in a loving and kind way. With mindfulness and self-compassion we learn how to be with our feelings: pleasant, unpleasant and neutral - to be with whatever is here without judgment - so whatever is arising can move through us without getting stuck.

Transcript

That you've been extremely negative and emotional lately and you felt very sad.

Okay,

Those are the conditions that are arising.

And I don't say that in a heartless way.

I say that in a way to have compassion.

To be with it.

That's what's arising.

Like we think we should only experience positive emotions.

I mean,

We only have three types of feelings.

Pleasant,

Unpleasant,

Or neutral.

These are the only three types of experiences for it.

All right.

And you can see there's no reason for it.

There's a cause somewhere there.

You don't know what it is.

That's okay.

If there's no discernible cause for it.

But that's what's arising.

And we,

You know,

If we look at our experience in its entirety.

These are my numbers.

There's nothing scientific about this.

But I would say it's maybe 20% is probably pretty good if we're having like really,

Really pleasant.

Really pleasant,

Like the kind of highs,

Excitement type pleasant.

Maybe 20% is unpleasant.

We're feeling sick.

We're feeling down.

We're feeling a little negative.

We're,

You know,

We've lost someone.

And then the bulk of our experience is just mundane moments.

Just mundane moments.

Paying the bills,

Brushing your teeth,

Putting the dishes away,

You know,

Doing your taxes,

Doing the laundry,

Running the errands.

That's most of our experience.

But we do have this,

In fact,

I would say in most of the mundane,

We tend to drift because of our thoughts,

Because we think we should only experience good feelings,

Good thoughts,

Good emotions.

Even in the mundane,

We tend to put that more into the negative because there's a pushing back on it.

Yes,

I'm bored.

I shouldn't be bored.

You know,

I shouldn't have to do this.

So we push back just on the mundane.

And then we really push back when we're feeling sad.

You're feeling sad.

Be with that.

Embrace it.

Feel the sadness.

And breathe into it.

Be with it.

Self-compassion.

Just be with it.

What else can we do?

What else can we do?

If that's what's arising,

What else can we do but be with it?

That's the kindest thing we can do for ourselves,

Is to be with what is,

Right?

In a kind and loving way.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

You're a little sad.

Okay,

That's what's going on.

Feel,

Breathe.

Good to do like we did in the meditation,

Like mindfulness of the body.

It's a good time.

You know,

We're so disembodied.

We just react out of what the body's doing because we don't come in and feel.

We're so lost in the story.

There's a sense of discomfort in the body,

But we don't come in and actually feel it.

We're just feeling it through the lens of the story,

Right?

Because the emotion,

The emotion is the thought plus the feeling.

But when you take the thought out,

It's just a physical sensation.

It's either pleasant or unpleasant,

But it's not usually as bad as we are telling ourself it is.

When we come in and feel it and we're with our experience and we understand these are the conditions that are arising.

And even as a meditator and as a spiritual practitioner,

As a spiritual teacher,

We all experience these things.

Because there's stuff that's still getting worked out,

Right?

Even as you have insights into the nature of reality,

Even as you understand how you are rising through causes and conditions,

There are still there's still previous karma that's getting worked out in our system,

Right?

Old thought habits and patterns that are still playing out,

Right?

And so it's our our task,

Our practice is to be with what's there,

To know these are the conditions conditions that are arising.

They need to come out.

Let me let them come out.

Let me fully be with them.

Let me fully be with them.

But what we typically do is we push them down.

I shouldn't be feeling this.

And so they keep trying to rise up at any chance there is.

They keep trying to rise up.

And I think that's a big part of why it still takes so long for them to keep playing out because we've been stuffing them down for so long.

And we imagine that somehow on the spiritual path,

I don't have to feel this,

Right?

That's what therapy is for.

I don't have to feel my feelings on the spiritual path.

There's no bypassing this.

You got to feel it.

You have to feel it.

You have to be willing to come in and feel this.

At some point,

You have to feel this.

The unpleasant,

The pleasant,

Because even the pleasant,

Right?

Or even what I would say,

Like the exciting feelings,

Right?

You're kind of high on a shopping binge or an ice cream binge or the praise,

Right?

Getting high on the praise thinking I did something.

Look into that and feel that.

It doesn't feel as good as you think it does.

Because again,

We're so lost in the story of believing that it should feel so good.

We don't even notice that it actually doesn't feel that good.

We're so believing in the story above our experience.

So it's coming in and feeling what's here,

Being kind to ourselves,

Being compassionate,

Breathing and feeling what's here,

And exploring.

And as we did in the meditation,

Like exploring what's there,

Like curious,

Being open,

Really working yourself from every part of the body,

Right?

Or if there's just particularly some unpleasant feelings arising,

Just going right there,

Breathing,

Creating space,

And being curious.

What am I feeling?

Where is it?

What's the shape?

Is it dull?

Is it sharp?

Is it heavy?

Is it light?

Is it long?

Is it thin?

You know,

Is it static?

Is it moving?

Like really trying to describe the physical sensations.

And what you'll find is that you may just have some unpleasant physical sensations,

But it was the story that you were getting lost in.

The story about it.

Sadness can only be with the story.

You can feel it.

When you feel it in your body,

It's a physical sensation.

But that is the way that we truly do feel when we come into the body and let our emotions move through us the way they were intended.

Impermanent.

Let them move through.

Not pushing them out,

But welcoming them and feeling them.

They're here anyway.

They're here anyway.

There's nothing you can do to push it away,

And you don't want to push it away.

You will just keep coming back.

So breathe,

Be with it.

Gary,

Just as best you can,

As best you can,

Be with what's here.

And it's okay that there's no reason for it.

This is where the mind spins out,

But there must be a reason.

I mean,

There is definitely a condition,

But maybe it's not a condition that you're aware of.

Okay,

You don't have to find a reason.

That's just what's arising in this moment.

Whatever is arising,

Be with it.

Don't fight it.

It's,

You know,

We're,

It's this wave of,

As we're saying,

All these causes and conditions coming together and changing and changing and changing.

The weather affecting how you're feeling.

What you ate affecting how you're feeling.

What you,

How you slept the night before affecting how you're feeling.

What's going on with your friends.

What's going on with your family.

What projects you have going on at work.

Whether you just finished a big project or whether you just,

There was a big mistake made in a big project.

Like all these millions and billions and trillions of different causes and conditions and we're just arising and changing,

Right?

And it's like to go with the flow,

Like,

Oh,

Good conditions are arising.

Pleasant,

Yay,

Nice.

This is good.

Okay,

Feel this.

It won't last.

Don't get attached to it,

Right?

So when it comes off a little bit and usually just goes into that neutral,

There's nothing,

You know,

We say neutral,

But there's nothing unpleasant nor pleasant about it.

But in fact,

In the accepting of the neutral,

I would argue that it moves more to the pleasant because it's just,

It's a spaciousness.

It's an openness.

There's nothing going on.

Fantastic,

Fantastic,

Right?

And feeling the spaciousness of that.

And then something changes and a little bit of doubt arises or a little bit of sadness arises.

Like,

Okay,

These are the conditions that are coming together.

And this too,

I can be with this too,

Feel this.

And then that changes and it moves on to something else.

I mean,

If we could give you a graph at the end of the day,

At the end of the week or the month,

Right?

And just to see like on the,

Let's say on the X axis,

Or sorry,

The Y axis,

It's,

You know,

Pleasant,

Unpleasant,

Neutral,

Or pleasant,

Neutral,

Unpleasant.

And then the timeline along the X axis,

You would actually,

If you're in your ego,

You would see it's like this,

Like a heart attack.

But even if you're not in your ego,

You're more mindful,

You're still going to notice it's always changing.

It's always changing.

There is nothing to hold on to.

You can't control the weather.

You can't hold back the wind,

The rain.

You can't tell yourself,

You've got food poisoning,

And you can't say,

I shouldn't have food poisoning.

You've got food poisoning.

Grab a bucket,

Right?

It's like whatever is arising is arising.

We fight it,

We fight it,

We fight it at every turn,

And particularly the unpleasant.

But the more that you can be with the unpleasant feelings,

Directly feeling them,

Not lost in the story,

But feeling them in your body,

Not lost in the story,

But feeling them in your body,

The less power they have over you.

Because it is the story that is so terrifying,

The story of why am I feeling this,

And I shouldn't feel this,

And I've been meditating for so long now.

And why is this happening to me,

Right?

We question it,

And we think it shouldn't be happening.

And that's what keeps us trapped in it.

It's where our thoughts try and concretize the feeling,

The emotion.

But we come into it,

And we feel it,

And we go,

It's just an unpleasant sensation.

And it's not going to last.

And whatever my thoughts were saying in this state of mind,

They were not being helpful.

To believe our thoughts less,

They're usually not true.

They're at best a slight exaggeration,

At worst an outright lie.

Particularly our ego thoughts,

Of course they are.

They're not helping us.

They're not helping us.

If your mind is clouded over in resisting,

In aversion,

You're not seeing things clearly.

The perception you have of yourself in that moment,

The unworthy perception of yourself,

Is a fleeting,

Momentary perception that we take to be solid and real.

So the more you can come in and feel and breathe,

And be with what's here,

The less scary it is.

And then when those waves come again,

Because they will,

You're like,

Oh here it is,

I know what's happening here.

Breathe.

For those of you that know,

I love the teaching,

I see you Mara,

I see you.

I see you disguised as Del.

I see you.

Breathe,

Be with it.

It's just,

It's a wave.

Don't turn it into a tsunami with a story.

Why is this happening to me?

This shouldn't be happening.

Just everyone,

Everyone's experience of the eight billion people on the planet right now,

A certain amount are having pleasant sensations,

A certain amount are having unpleasant sensations,

Feelings,

And another,

And a certain group,

The rest are having neutral feelings.

And in an hour or two,

That's all going to switch,

And then it's going to switch again,

And it's going to switch again,

And it's going to switch again.

Feelings come and they go.

They come and they go.

Don't get attached to any of them.

Don't get attached.

So just do your best,

Gary,

Just to be with what is.

Lovingly,

Kindly,

Feel and welcome what's here.

Reviews

i absolutely love this ✨✨✨the place i often go to lately is confusion. a good friend will say something pissy and for days i’m confused wondering how can a good friend talk to me that way ( probably a little victim mentality in there too).
so are you saying m, sit with the confusion? (i also overthink everything lol) thanks Meredith 😊

Dearest Meredith

A humble thankyou for sharing the wisdom of your knowledge

I continue to learn with this guidance that I can accept my emotions as they move through me & recognise my inner Mara voice that I'm coming to know. I see Mara most times, feel, forgive myself (& others) & start again.
And sweetheart Meredith, you continue to be a guiding, loving light ✨️ 💖 that shines from within out to all that can see, feel & embrace it.
Namaste (again & again)
🙏
🩵💙💚💛💜❤️🩷🌷🌼🌻🪻⚘️🏵🪷🌟⭐️🌟⭐️🌟⭐️

Dear Meredith, thank you for your courageous leadership and experience. Sending good wishes with gratitude. 🌻

Very clear and digestible
Thanks for this reminder Meredith ❤️