Class 5 | When Comparison Turns Into Identity

In Class 5 of this series, we explore why comparison itself isn’t a problem — but when it turns into identity it becomes problematic.

We look at how the mind moves from simply noticing differences to believing stories such as “something is wrong with me” or “I am less than”, simply based on what someone else has that we don't.

Rather than trying to stop comparison, this teaching invites us to notice what we believe when we compare, and to gently turn toward the feelings underneath it.

Through awareness, kindness, and curiosity, identification begins to loosen — not because we replace the story with a better one, but because we see that there was nothing solid behind it in the first place.

When the story drops, nothing special needs to happen. Experience simply continues — lighter, more at ease, with nothing to prove or protect.

Please note: This track was recorded live.

Transcript

So we are up to the third mantra this week,

Which is peace is not comparing.

So before we talk about where comparing goes too far,

I just want to pause for a moment to appreciate how vital comparing is in our lives,

How difficult it would be to function in our lives without comparing.

And so,

You know,

Every moment,

Or sorry,

Many moments of the day,

We are comparing.

There's this background,

Basic level of perception,

Of comparing,

Of just taking in information.

So we're,

We're noticing patterns,

We're noticing differences,

We're noticing similarities,

We're,

We're doing that to make decisions,

To make judgments,

To should I do this now?

Should I do it later?

Should I use this piece of fruit better than this piece of fruit?

Is when we're driving the car,

We're noticing the distance between us and the car in front of us,

And the speed,

And we're making little adjustments based on these comparisons.

So we are comparing all the time.

And at this,

This information level of comparing,

This is very useful for us.

And all animals do this,

This basic level of information,

Comparing.

The difference between us and animals,

Other animals,

Is that we make it about our personal identity when we're comparing.

So a dog would not look at another dog and think,

Oh my god,

Look how,

Look how shiny,

And glossy,

And luxurious their coat is,

And oh my god,

Look at mine,

It's so dull,

And it's so matted,

And,

And I feel so badly about myself,

I don't even want to go out now,

I don't even want to go to the dog park,

I can feel so badly about myself.

This is where comparing becomes problematic for us.

When we start to make an identity out of it based on what someone else has,

That we start to see ourselves as lacking,

As somehow falling behind,

As somehow,

You know,

We start judging ourselves,

We start criticizing ourselves,

Simply because of what someone else has.

And so this happens,

This,

This type of comparing,

It happens very fast.

Our eyes can just fall upon something someone has,

Someone can be talking to us and telling us about their promotion,

Or their,

Their big holiday,

Or they just got engaged,

And,

And while we want to be happy for them,

Of course we do,

And a part of us is genuinely happy for them.

Another part of us,

Is,

Is kind of contracting,

Is comparing,

And thinking,

Oh,

I didn't just get a promotion,

I didn't just get engaged.

And in that comparison,

Starting to feel like we're not keeping up,

Like we're not worthy,

Like we're,

We're falling behind in some way.

So it starts to become the way that we see ourselves through comparison.

And of course,

If we pick up our phones,

And we start scrolling through social media,

Think of all the comparing that we're doing when we're seeing all of these images,

Everyone else's highlight reel,

Everyone else's most spectacular moments,

Compared with our neutral moment,

Maybe we're just sitting on the sofa,

Or we're,

We're waiting in the doctor's office,

We're,

We're in traffic,

And we're just kind of flipping through.

So we're comparing everyone's highlight reel to our ordinary mundane moment.

And we start to get this feeling like,

Oh,

I'm,

I'm,

I'm not enough,

I'm,

My life sucks,

Look at what everyone else is doing.

And,

And,

And I'm just sitting here on my sofa.

And,

And it's not just that my life looks bad in comparison that I start to feel like,

Oh,

What are all the decisions that I've made?

How did I end up here?

And everyone else is doing so much better.

And it is just very hard for us to see all these images.

It's one of the reasons why when we go on social media,

We feel so badly about ourselves.

We just cannot take in all these images,

All this comparing,

And think that it's not having an effect on us.

It is.

And spirituality is also not immune from this type of comparing,

Where we compare,

Oh,

They're meditating more than me,

And so I must be a bad meditator.

Or we imagine,

Oh,

There's so much more spiritual than me,

They're more peaceful than me,

And therefore I must be less peaceful,

And I must be less spiritual.

Because we see it through this lens of scarcity of,

Of the world being a zero sum game.

There's only so much spirituality to go around in the pie.

And so if you are getting a lot of it,

Then that must mean there's not enough for me.

If you are succeeding,

Then I must be failing.

If you're winning,

I must be losing.

And so it's not just this comparison.

It's not just noticing a difference.

It's taking,

Excuse me,

It's taking it on as an identity of what does this say about me and in some way that I'm lacking.

And so we can visit our good friend Nasruddin here for a little story.

Nasruddin from the Sufi tales.

And I do find,

I do find,

I always try and like to put a little story in the Dharma talks,

Because we tend to remember the stories,

And in remembering the stories,

However short they are,

It kind of brings the whole Dharma talk back.

So in this particular story,

We find Nasruddin staring at a,

At a beautiful home.

And,

And a friend comes along and,

And he walks up to Nasruddin and he says,

Nasruddin,

What's wrong?

You look so sad.

What's wrong?

What's happening?

And Nasruddin says,

Oh,

I'm just imagining how wonderful the lives of the people that live in this home must be.

And the friend asks him,

He says,

Well,

Have you ever been inside the home?

And Nasruddin says,

No,

But I have already decided that my life must be worse.

I mean,

This is what we do,

Right?

We,

We look from the outside in,

We look at what we see on the outside and we imagine how wonderful everyone else's life must be.

And then at the same time,

Diminishing our own lives and not just our own lives,

Diminishing our own self-worth.

It's not just that my life is,

Is worse.

I'm worse because of this.

And this does not come out of nowhere.

This comes out of a culture that values the material world,

That values material success,

That values material,

Material things,

Material wealth,

That values status,

That values power,

That values beauty.

Things that we can see,

Things that we can want,

And things that we can endlessly compare ourselves to.

And so we have been conditioned,

Conditioned to believe that material success equals lasting happiness.

That more is always better.

And that my worth is based on what I have.

And there,

There is no end game here with this comparing.

It doesn't matter how much you have,

You could have the most amount of money in the world,

And yet you're still comparing.

You're still looking at someone else's life and thinking,

Oh,

Look how attractive they are.

I wish I was that attractive.

Look how famous they are.

I wish I was that famous.

You know,

Look how happy their marriage looks.

I wish my marriage was that happy,

Right?

Where we're endlessly comparing,

Where the married person,

While they might have a very good married life,

But every now and then they start comparing to the single person and thinking,

Wow,

How great to come home and not have to answer to anyone,

Right?

Or the single person,

While really enjoying their single life,

Every now and then comparing to the married person.

How nice to come home and have someone there to share your life with.

And so there's,

No matter where we fall in the world,

There's always something to compare to.

This is not a model for peace and contentment.

In fact,

It's a model for feeling badly about ourselves,

For self-judgment,

For self-criticism,

For not feeling like we're enough,

For shame.

And in fact,

In Brene Brown's research on shame,

Where she interviewed thousands of people and she would ask them questions like,

Think back to a time when you were feeling some shame and can you remember what it was you were doing,

What it was that you were thinking just before the shame came on?

And of course there were the answers of,

I was feeling excluded or I was triggered into reliving some traumatic event.

But a lot of the answers were also,

I was thinking about what someone else has.

I was comparing myself to someone else.

So where we flip comparison into a belief about ourselves,

An identity about ourselves based on what someone else has.

And so this is where we are,

This is where we are paying attention.

This is where we are noticing the difference.

When comparison goes from information,

When it goes from even information that can be motivational,

And I would agree that information can be motivational,

Looking at someone's life and thinking,

Wow,

Look at the things that they're doing and they're achieving something I'd like to achieve,

They're training for something I'd like to train for,

They're living a more peaceful life,

And taking that information and saying,

Yep,

I think I'm going to start to apply some of those things in my life,

Healthy,

Helpful.

But when it goes from information to an identity about myself,

That is where the hurt comes in.

That is where it becomes problematic for us.

That is where it becomes painful for us.

And it doesn't matter if we're comparing up or comparing down.

So if we're comparing,

You know,

Someone's doing better than us,

Of course,

We know that sense of lack,

That sense of I'm not enough.

But even if we're comparing down,

And where we often will think,

Wow,

I feel so much better about myself,

Because look what they have,

Right,

That's,

That's still an identity.

And that identity will turn.

Or when we use the,

The,

I should be grateful,

Because I have so much more than other people,

When we use gratitude,

As,

As Alice has given us the term as a spiritual bandaid,

That I should feel better about myself,

Because I have so much more than other people.

And then we pretend it's gratitude,

When in fact,

It's still comparing.

And there is still an identity there.

And any identity is eventually going to lead to suffering.

So when we have the mantra,

Peace is not comparing,

It's to help bring more awareness to,

To the ways in which we're comparing,

That's going too far.

If I if we were to more accurately put the mantra,

It would probably be,

Peace is not comparing,

When I make it an identity about myself,

And I'm lacking.

But that's a little bit of a mouthful,

A little bit,

A little bit much for us to say.

And so like all the mantras that we've been using,

We're looking for that point where there's something useful there,

And then it's gone too far.

Right?

Like when we talked about the chasing happiness outside of ourselves,

Nothing wrong with wanting something,

Nothing wrong with looking forward to something.

But it goes too far when we're believing that if I got that thing,

Then I would be eternally happy.

Right?

And so we know,

At that point,

We've talked about in the chasing and the resisting,

This is when the contraction comes in the tightening.

And this is when it comes in with comparing.

When we've gone too far,

The contraction comes in,

The feeling like it can be,

It can be,

And the chasing and the resisting,

By the way,

Both happening in comparing.

So we talked about the two main mind movements that we are always looking at.

It's the chasing mind and the resisting mind.

And all the other mind movements fall under these umbrellas.

And so in comparing,

We can have the envy,

Be looking out and thinking,

Oh,

I want what that person has.

And at the same time,

Then be resisting ourselves,

Because we're not measuring up because we don't have that thing that they have.

So we've got one foot on the accelerator,

One foot on the brake at the same time in comparing.

And so the more that we bring awareness to when comparing goes too far,

So we use the mantra in meditation as we're going to use when we say peace is not comparing,

Peace is not comparing.

We're really imprinting this in our mind to remind ourselves like when that contraction,

You know,

Comes in,

What's going on?

What's happening?

Oh,

I'm comparing.

I'm comparing up,

I'm comparing down,

I'm comparing.

And we use mindfulness to come into it.

So we recognize,

Oh,

This is comparing.

No judgment,

Because we're comparing.

This is just the conditioning of our culture.

We don't want to judge ourselves for it.

We don't want to tell ourselves that we're wrong or that we're bad because it's happened because we're not.

It's just the conditioning of our culture.

And so in recognizing,

Ah,

This is comparing,

Okay,

No problem.

And then we allow the feelings and we come in and we breathe into the feelings of comparing and wow,

Feel that contraction and we open up to it and say it's okay,

Comparing,

It's okay that you're here.

It's okay,

Right?

No problem.

And then as we get to the,

I'm using the RAIN acronym,

Right?

So we recognize,

We allow the feelings,

And then as we get to the inquiry,

The I of RAIN,

And as we've been talking about,

We're never really upset for the reason that we think,

Right?

So we've really been using this,

This teaching all through this course.

We are never upset for the reason that we think,

Right?

Like we think,

Well,

I'm upset because of what they have.

But really,

I'm upset because I feel now like I'm not worthy.

And it's in that being with the feelings,

Right?

Being with the feelings of the comparing and being present with what's here,

Coming out of the story,

Being with what's here,

That allows us to soften enough to be able to peer in and go,

And what else is here?

And what else is here?

Yeah,

There's a feeling of unworthiness,

A feeling of I've screwed up,

A feeling of I'm falling behind,

A feeling of I'm not living the life I was supposed to be living,

A feeling of unworthiness,

A feeling of shame,

Of self-judgment,

Whatever it is,

We keep allowing whatever it is that's here to be here.

Ah,

Here you are,

Shame.

Okay,

Shame.

Yeah,

I got room for you too,

Right?

Room in the body to breathe into it and feel it and allow it to be here.

This is the opposite of what we normally do with these feelings.

We push them away,

We distract ourselves,

Or we just stay,

Stay focused on the external thinking,

No,

The problem is just that I don't have what they have.

That's not the problem.

That's what triggered,

Right?

That's what triggered all of this,

But then we come in and we feel it,

Right?

And then we start to peel back the layers and we see that there's often some very deep wounds in here that we haven't addressed,

That we haven't welcomed in.

That sense of needing someone's validation,

That sense of just I'm not enough,

That sense of shame,

That sense of I'm falling behind,

I'm unworthy,

Right?

We just,

We generally don't welcome these feelings.

We run from the feelings.

So we're doing the exact opposite.

Now we're coming to what's here.

We're opening to what's here and we're bringing compassion and kindness to what's here because we can bear anything,

Almost anything in the present moment.

We can bear our shame,

Our guilt,

Our jealousy,

Our envy,

Our not feeling enough in this moment,

In our feelings,

In the body,

Breathing mindfully into them.

We can be with what's here,

Right?

And this is how we start to change the conditioning of comparing and making an identity out of it.

Because while it is part of our culture,

It's also,

There's a lot of unresolved issues that we have,

A lot of wounds that we walk around with that haven't been tended to.

And then there's this compulsion to keep comparing and to stay focused on the outside instead of tending to what is it that's here that keeps getting touched,

Keeps getting exposed through this comparing that needs my attention,

That needs my love,

It needs my kindness,

It needs my compassion.

Because the more that we welcome in these feelings and just say,

It's okay,

It's okay that you're here,

Shame,

It's okay,

Unworthiness,

It's okay,

Regret,

It's okay that you're here,

Right?

And we allow these feelings to be here in a very open and welcoming way.

And we say,

And I've said this many times,

But I'll keep saying it because this is such,

This right here is such an important part of the practice.

I mean,

We have to recognize it first,

We have to allow the feelings,

But the inquiring and the nurturing and the feeling kind of just,

As we keep circling around that being with what's here,

This is so much the core of the practice of the healing,

Right?

Of saying like,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

You're here too.

Yeah,

I'm so sorry I haven't given you my attention.

I'm so sorry,

Unworthiness.

Yeah,

There's room for you too.

And as I'm moving my arms in and out,

It's like this breathing in creating space,

Like,

Yeah,

There's room for you here too.

Yeah,

There's room for you too.

And when we can talk to ourselves in kind ways,

And say like,

Oh,

Sweetheart,

There's nothing wrong with you.

There's nothing wrong with you.

You got a little lost in the conditioning.

That's okay.

That's okay.

It's very powerful.

Yeah.

Yeah,

We can kind of soothe our way by being with what's here and speaking to it in a kind and compassionate way.

And in this way,

Now we're getting to the root of the problem of why the comparing keeps getting so easily triggered.

And of course,

Some of us do it more than others.

And it does depend on our individual conditioning as well.

But even if we're doing a little bit,

We want to be aware of how we're doing it.

And we want to know how to come in and feel what's here be with what's here with kindness with compassion.

This is where the where the healing happens.

And so and not to say that the comparing doesn't still continue on.

It does for a while.

But it's not as intense,

Right?

It doesn't sweep us up.

It's instead of a tsunami.

It's a little like,

Oh,

Here it is.

Yeah,

There's just that little bit of unworthiness that's arising.

And we can welcome it in and be with it,

Right?

Yeah,

Here it is.

It's okay.

I can be with this.

So really having a lot of a lot of patience with ourselves as we work through these ways in which we habitually think that take us out of the present moment that are conditioned by our culture,

Where,

Where something that's useful goes beyond its usefulness.

And so so just to remind ourselves as well,

We don't want to be there's absolutely no room here for judging ourselves.

Zero room for Oh,

I shouldn't have had this feeling I shouldn't have had this emotion I shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have.

It happened.

It happened.

And no doubt whatever you are experiencing is a normal human emotion,

A normal human feeling.

So we really want to get used to not judging what's here,

But really just curiosity,

And the sense of tenderness and the sense of kindness towards us in what it is that we're experiencing,

Because that is what's needed.

We want to move closer to to our feelings to our experience,

Not not pushing it down,

And then just continuing to repeat the same patterns and habits over and over.

So there's one more one more thing that I want to talk about when it comes to comparing before we end the talk.

And that is when when we get the call,

And many of us do on the spiritual path,

When we get the call to live a more simple life to live a life that's less hurried,

That's less busy,

That's,

That's,

That's less conventional.

When we get that call,

We tend to think that the comparing is going to go away then.

And yet it doesn't go away.

I mean,

If anything,

I would tell you in my own personal experience,

It gets louder.

Because while you might pull yourself out of the the race,

The traditional life,

The householder's life,

That's kind of always looking to consume more,

And to have more,

Most other people are still doing it.

Your friends,

Your peers,

Your colleagues,

They're still accumulating and achieving and,

And having a lot of material success.

And so the pull into that comparison isn't so much because we want to go back to that lifestyle,

But more that the conditioning tells us that we should.

And so we can start to doubt the decisions that we've made and all maybe I shouldn't,

Maybe I should go back to work and what I was doing before I shouldn't have retired so early,

Or,

You know,

Maybe,

Maybe I've made a big mistake.

And it's just simply the conditioning,

It's just the conditioning.

And so what what changes when we start living a more simple life,

A more,

A life that's more aligned with peace and contentment,

Is that we have more space in our day to recognize what's happening to see the conditioning to see it happening,

And then to be with it in a way that is skillful and wise and compassionate,

So that we loosen the conditioning.

And so I offer that because I do feel as though there's a lot of,

And I know I did it myself before I kind of got out of the rat race.

I mean,

12 years ago,

When I decided to live a more unconventional lifestyle,

A more simple lifestyle.

You know,

And I was kind of convinced,

Like,

Oh,

All the comparing is going to go away,

All the chasing is going to go away,

All the resisting is going to go away,

All the judging is going to go away.

Right?

We,

We kind of romanticize this,

This more kind of monastic lifestyle without living in a monastery,

We start to romanticize as though all these things are going to go away,

The moment I find,

You know,

The moment I have a more simple life,

But they don't go away.

It doesn't,

There's nothing on the external world,

In the external world,

There's no way that you could change your external conditions to have these things go away.

You can't accumulate enough money,

You couldn't get to a particular dress size,

Look a particular way,

Get a certain status or power,

Or it's going the other way,

Trying to live a simple life,

Even in monasteries,

Even in monasteries,

Do you think the monks and the nuns aren't comparing?

I mean,

They have fewer things with which to compare,

But for sure,

They're comparing,

Look at their alms bowl versus my alms bowl,

Look at their robes versus my robe,

Look at,

Look at where they're positioned in the hall relative,

You know,

Relative the teacher versus where I am.

And I,

I know this through my own experience in monasteries,

But I also can very much appreciate in a talk by Ajahn Amaro,

A Buddhist monk,

Where he said this very thing,

They're comparing all these things,

It doesn't go away by our external conditions.

So we've got to stop deluding ourselves,

That we can somehow rearrange our chairs,

You know,

Our chairs,

In a way that's going to make these conditions,

This conditioning go away.

The conditioning loosens when we see it.

Now,

Yes,

I would definitely say having a more simple life lifestyle absolutely helps us to have the space to be able to see what's going on,

To be able to catch it and the time to be able to,

To pause and to be with it,

And to nurture those feelings,

Nurture all those wounds.

We've got to nurture the wounds.

So much in spirituality,

I think there's so much coming to spirituality,

Because we think that we can jump over the feeling part.

We think that I don't have to tend to these wounds,

I can just get straight to,

There is no independent separate self.

And yeah,

Like,

Doesn't that feel nice?

I can just jump straight to that.

But if you're doing that,

Because you don't want to avoid feeling something,

You are inadvertently still reifying the belief that there is something here that doesn't want to feel this.

So we're not skirting anything,

We're just delaying it,

We're just delaying it.

And so it's,

It's important for us to recognize in all of these mind movements that we're talking about.

Chasing,

The resisting,

The comparing,

Next week,

We're going to do the judging.

Nothing wrong with the minute of themselves.

But there is a point where every one of these mind movements goes too far,

Where it becomes about,

Oh,

I'm going to be eternally happy,

Or I'm going to be eternally unhappy if I get what I don't want,

Resisting,

Pushing back,

Right?

Or I'm somehow lacking in comparing,

In comparing because someone else has more than me,

That we've got to see the conditioning.

This is the only way to break through this,

Or I shouldn't say the only way,

There's probably another way.

It's the only way that I have found in my experience,

That by,

By seeing the conditioning,

Not judging the conditioning,

Not,

Not wishing that the conditioning wasn't here,

Not,

Not making judgments about our society because of it,

Because it's just the conditioning,

It's just the conditioning,

It's what is,

It's what is.

Okay,

So how do I respond to it?

How do I,

How do I meet this conditioning in a way that starts to unwind it?

The conditioning is not concrete,

It's not in cement,

It's just conditioning,

It's a learned behavior.

So what we're learning here is different ways for us to come to this conditioning in ways and recognizing what's really,

What's really driving a lot of this behavior.

I mean,

Yes,

The cultural conditioning on the outside,

But also the wounds that we have underneath that we have not tended to.

And so by seeing the conditioning,

Recognizing the conditioning,

Saying the mantra,

Peace is not comparing,

Not to judge ourselves for it,

But just to see like,

Here it is,

Okay,

And,

And recognizing it,

You're either,

You're either seeing the conditioning or you're lost in it.

You're either seeing it or you're lost in it.

So because we say the mantra,

It brings back all the references from the Dharma talk.

And all of a sudden you're starting to see,

It's like,

Ah,

Yeah,

Here's the comparing.

Allow the feelings,

Inquire,

Nurture.

And now you're changing the conditioning.

Now you're changing it.

So seeing the conditioning loosens the conditioning.

But if we don't pause to be with the feelings underneath,

It will keep perpetuating itself.

So peace is not comparing,

Is not saying that comparing is wrong or not saying that it's bad.

It's not saying we should judge anything about it.

But when it goes from informational to identity,

That's when it starts to hurt.

That's when it starts to become painful.

That's when it's no longer useful.

So we really want to make sure that we're,

We're noticing it as best we can,

And really coming in to feel what's here.

To feel the contraction,

Notice the contraction,

That's your,

Your cue.

And then to go through the process,

The RAIN,

Recognize,

Allow,

Inquire,

Nurture.

So that in the feeling what's here,

In the recognizing what's here,

The healing is happening.

And then the comparing,

While there may still be those little movements of it,

There's just more of a seeing,

Ah,

There it is.

Yeah,

It's just the conditioning,

Just the conditioning.

Sometimes just a little few mindful breaths is enough.

Yeah.

Once you've done the work,

Once you've done the work,

Right,

That is so powerful.

It's so powerful.

And,

And I will just add on one other thing,

And then I will hop on to some of these questions.

The feeling,

If I were to say,

Is there one part of the practice that most people resist,

It is the feeling part.

And that's really where the majority of the healing is taking place.

Is in,

In the feeling.

So just maybe even knowing that,

Knowing ahead of time that there's some resistance to feeling like when we say,

Oh,

I don't know how to feel what's here.

We're just feeling what's in the body.

We're feeling any tension,

We're feeling any tightness,

Any pressure,

Right?

Like,

Wow,

It's just in the present moment.

You know,

We're just feeling what's here in the present moment.

It is not nearly as terrifying as the story of what we're telling ourselves about it.

So when we come in and feel in the present moment,

And this is where there's so much resistance in our culture,

We're so disembodied,

We're so not used to feeling.

This is the place we want to skip over that we do the spiritual bypassing.

And there is just no getting around this part,

Just no getting around.

If it's something deeply traumatic,

And you really can't do this practice on your own,

Then perhaps a therapist is what's needed to help you,

To aid you along here,

Someone to really be with you as you explore these things.

But we cannot avoid this step.

We simply cannot avoid it.

We are still stuck in the conditioning if we can't come and feel what's here.

Okay,

So,

Oh,

Thank you,

Philippa.

And I'll,

Harmony,

I'll hop to your question in a moment.

But I just want to say from Chelsea,

I'm so glad that you're resonating with this.

Yeah,

Oh,

Sorry.

I remember when we had a conversation a few months back,

That there was uncertainty,

Because you'd made a big life change.

And I was like,

Embrace the uncertainty,

Embrace it.

But three months on,

Being with these feelings and nurturing them using the RAIN technique has really supported the ways,

Excuse me,

Supported the journey in ways you couldn't have imagined.

Compassion over comparison.

Yeah,

I'm really glad to hear that.

I'm really glad.

And just as an example,

Like,

Yeah,

When we're feeling a lot of uncertainty that we feel like,

Oh,

No,

No,

No,

I need to find some certainty.

And,

And my response to you,

We were talking offline was,

Embrace the uncertainty in the present moment,

In the present moment.

Yeah,

Oh,

Uncertainty,

You're here.

Yeah,

Big change happening.

Yeah.

Breathe and feel the uncertainty.

It's not near,

It's,

In fact,

It's never overwhelming when we're here with it in the present moment.

It's overwhelming in the story in our heads.

Because it's not just the uncertainty of this moment,

It's how am I going to deal with the uncertainty in five minutes,

In five days,

In five weeks?

And it's like,

Just deal with the uncertainty that's here right now.

Just be with it right now.

Right?

And then in giving,

Bringing that compassion to yourself,

Right?

And,

And acknowledging in the uncertainty,

The fear and,

And maybe the fear of what's going to happen in the future,

But the fear of also,

Did I make a mistake?

Okay,

Be with that too.

Right?

And then the uncertainty no longer overwhelms us,

Because you did make a very big life change,

Chelsea.

And it's something that you had been talking about for a while,

And then you did it.

And yet,

When we make big changes in our lives,

It doesn't mean that we do it with a great deal of certainty,

We don't.

You got to do it in face of the uncertainty,

You've got to do it along with the fear.

Right?

But there's just this recognition,

I want to do something differently.

And you don't do it with uncertainty,

Excuse me,

You don't do it with certainty.

I mean,

I know when I was driving up to the monastery,

When I thought I was going to be a nun,

I was crying my eyes out thinking,

Oh,

My God,

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I'd left my boyfriend,

I'd left my house,

I'd left my career.

You know,

I'm thinking,

What are you doing?

Right?

And then,

And then when that didn't work out,

And then I bought the RV,

I'm like,

Okay,

Well,

I'm going to do it this way.

Now I'm just gonna,

I'm going to live my spiritual life,

Not in robes,

But I'm going to do it,

You know,

At that time out of the RV.

And it wasn't without fear.

And it wasn't without a lot of uncertainty.

But it was being with that fear.

And it was being with that uncertainty.

And recognizing the comparing when I was like,

Oh,

Look at what everyone else is still doing.

And look at how much money they're making.

And oh,

My God,

I'm spending my savings.

And what am I doing?

Who's going to want to hire me in my 50s?

Oh,

My God.

Right in that comparison.

And okay,

Be with it,

Feel it,

Breathe,

Breathe into it,

Be with what's here.

And there was a lot of that.

There was a lot of being with the fear,

Noticing the comparing of Oh,

Should I should I go back?

Am I doing the right thing?

And then really having to come into those feelings of fear and uncertainty so that it'd be like,

Yeah,

Yeah,

I lived that life.

And I didn't want it anymore.

And this life has definitely been much scarier,

Less protection.

Because it's just been me on my own.

And,

And it's definitely a lot scarier.

But it's also a lot more rewarding.

It's also a lot more rewarding.

Right?

So this is the difference is that we're not letting the comparing,

Or just these overwhelming feelings,

Decide the life we live,

Or decide how we feel about ourselves.

Right?

We acknowledge what's here.

And we come in and we feel it.

It's like,

Yeah,

Okay,

Just most of it is it's just the conditioning.

It's just the conditioning.

Is this Pamela from Ireland?

It is it is.

I'm so glad you're here.

Yeah,

When we're focused inwards,

It's,

It's amazing in our thoughts,

The stories,

How,

How overwhelming they can be,

And how fast our thoughts can be.

But we just come in and we feel and we feel more settled.

We feel more settled.

So in harmony,

All ha and Abigail,

Good to see you.

Oh,

So actually,

I did mention a little bit of this harmony.

So you're asking,

Um,

Right,

I have shared a bit about my Merrill background before,

But can you maybe share a bit about how you first felt right at the beginning of your journey?

So I hope I did explain that.

Did you feel like a fish out of water?

What was that uncomfort like when you first left,

Or limit the material things?

Yes,

Actually,

Chelsea,

That's kind of funny that Chelsea's question came in.

And,

And yeah,

You know,

And I and again,

And I know Chelsea and hope it's okay if I say like,

I know you and I talked about that as well,

Like,

There is this romanticizing about a simple life.

And,

And,

And I wouldn't,

You know,

I'm very happy with the,

The way this has all played out,

Very content with it.

But there is a lot of romanticizing around it,

As though again,

All of these mind movements are just going to fall away,

Because we've decided to live a simple life.

They just,

They really do become louder.

But you do have the space to see them.

You do have the space to see them and to see the conditioning and to be with them.

And I think that's a big part of it.

Because when we're running from one thing to the next,

We just don't have the time.

Like,

It's just,

We don't have the time.

I know when I had my career before in finance and,

And you're so busy,

And then you're so exhausted by the end of the day,

And,

And things are arising throughout the day so much,

But you're just,

You don't have the capacity to even be with them.

And so I do encourage if there's any place in your life where you can simplify a little bit more,

Schedule less,

Make sure that you do have that downtime,

Even for people that are extroverts,

You still need that downtime,

So that you can be with what's here.

So,

So thank you,

Harmony and Chelsea for asking,

Because I think that kind of,

You know,

Maybe brought this in a little bit more,

Brought this in more.

Yeah.

And hi,

Gally,

Welcome.

Welcome.

Okay,

So why don't we go ahead,

I think that's all the questions.

I'm sure we'll have some more questions.

Richard,

That's funny.

Hang on.

Hang on,

I want to get back to Richard's.

You will not compare the blue sky and warm sunshine outside my window with the frozen ice and snow outside of yours.

Yes,

Don't compare.

Yeah,

Yeah,

That's just,

I know you meant that very tongue-in-cheek.

So Abigail,

I'm glad to hear you're saying the peace is not resisting mantra that we did last week has really helped tremendously in a short time.

And grateful for today's topic,

Because you just found out yesterday a broker that was supposed to be helping you find a better insurance plan and told you he checked,

And all your cancer doctors were all covered.

But now it's sounding like probably,

I'm not seeing the rest here,

But sounding like they weren't.

Yeah,

It's,

That's a really good thing.

I had a thing on my insurance.

In fact,

My insurance doubled this year in Mexico.

So I have a plan where it works everywhere in the world except for the US.

Bye,

Gloria,

Good to see you.

And it doubled because I turned 60 last year.

So I was 59 when we reissued the plan in January,

But now I'm 60,

And it doubled.

And you know,

It can take a little bit of a shock,

Like we're like,

Oh,

You know,

There can be that initial resistance.

And it's like,

Okay.

And as we discussed also,

Abigail,

When we get some shocking news,

We also just have to recognize that there's a period of adjustment.

You know,

There's a period of adjustment.

Let it settle in.

We don't have to make an immediate decision.

And then like,

Okay,

Yep,

We kind of recognize this new reality.

And it's like,

Okay,

If this is what I want,

Then this is what I have to pay.

And maybe I have to to make some other changes.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Yeah,

I mean,

Abigail,

That is a tough one,

Because you're in the States.

And it's just the insurance there is such a tough one.

And what I would say in that is just to be with what's here.

You know,

You can also when we come in,

And we have these big life changes,

And we have some really difficult decisions to make.

And,

And we can kind of go,

Well,

Do I protect my life?

Or is it you know,

Or do I go into debt,

And we kind of set up this,

This kind of live or die almost comparison.

But when you come in,

And you're like,

Okay,

There's initially some resisting here.

So probably the resisting is what you're seeing first.

And then you come in,

And you be with it,

And you notice the fear,

Right,

The fear of what that's going to mean for your doctors,

The fear of what it's going to mean for,

You know,

Whether there's going to be some debt taken on.

And the more that you're here with it,

And you settle down,

And really tend to what's here,

It opens up the space for us to be able to see,

Like,

Okay,

All right,

Where's my,

Where's my middle path here?

Where is my middle path?

There's almost always a middle path where it doesn't have to be going to these extremes,

I'm not saying always,

But,

But,

But in my experience,

There's usually a middle path somewhere here.

Can I increase the deductible?

Of course,

That's was my first thing.

Can I increase the deductible even more?

What can I do?

Right?

Where can I make some adjustments here?

And so,

The more that we,

When we get into that fear mode,

We start to set it up into these two polar opposite extremes.

But once we come in and feel our fear,

And feel the disappointment and feel the,

Maybe the anger that's here as well,

Right?

And we're here with all of it.

And then we might find in that some clarity,

And then like,

Okay,

Where's my middle path here?

Where's the middle path?

You know,

And it may not be there immediately,

But you can even just say,

Okay,

But I'm going to,

I'm going to trust the process of this path,

That when the fear arises,

I'm going to be with it.

I'm going to nurture it.

And you are creating space now for the thinking,

The thinking that will be useful,

That some other ideas that can come up and present themselves.

And of course,

Also,

I would say,

Talking to a friend as well,

Like sometimes talking it out can also be helpful,

As long as it's a friend that's going to listen and just understands,

Like,

Yeah,

I just also just need to kind of talk this out.

And,

And they might have some,

Some suggestions,

And your broker might have some suggestions as well.

And,

And so it's just as best you can,

As best you can,

Being patient with yourself,

Being kind to yourself,

Because this isn't easy work.

I'm not saying where you're at is not an easy situation.

But wherever we are is where we are.

And we need to,

Or the more that we can acknowledge,

Okay,

This is the situation,

I've got to stop fighting it in my head,

Because the panic is rising.

And we're not finding any solutions there.

And there's,

There is a way out of this.

So let me use my practice to keep coming in and being with what's here.

Acknowledging all the fear,

Acknowledging the anger,

Acknowledging the disappointment.

And then letting that,

You know,

In through nurturing those feelings,

They tend to soften.

And then seeing,

Okay,

So what are my options here?

What are my options here?

Okay,

Let me,

Let me,

Let me give some space to the options.

Let me give myself a little time,

Maybe you've got a few days before a decision has to be made.

Okay,

Great.

I'm just going to keep trusting this process of being with what's here,

The feelings,

And seeing what else arises.

If you come to your feelings with compassion,

You are already opening up the wisdom.

And then in the wisdom,

We tend to find,

Even in the most difficult of situations,

We tend to find the least harmful in there.

Okay,

So I'm sorry,

Abigail,

Because I know that's a tough one.

Health insurance in the United States is not,

Is not easy.

And,

And yet this is,

This is where you're at.

And this is where you're at.

So my heart does go out to you,

Please know that my heart goes out to you and Philippa's sending the same.

So,

You know,

Just as best you can,

As best you can be with what's here.

Okay.

And Mari's saying the same thing to you.

Yeah.

And Philippa.

Yeah.

And thank you,

Michelle.

Thank you.

Okay.

Yeah,

It's and you know,

Just noticing that why it's hard to have compassion,

Or just not why,

But just yeah,

This is hard to have compassion for myself.

It's new.

Be patient with yourself.

Be patient.

It's not,

It's not always easy.

It's not always easy.

So the more that we can just even give that little bit of like,

Hey,

This is a little hard.

Yeah,

It is hard.

Yeah,

It is hard.

Yeah,

It's okay.

Let's just do our best.

Let's just do our best.

And there's a little bit by little bit,

We keep trying,

We keep trying.

We keep noticing the resistance to feeling so much of it is we don't want to feel.

We're just so disembodied,

We don't want to feel and we don't even realize that we're resisting that we're pushing back on it.

Right.

And so,

You know,

Noticing what is how could I be so stupid to let this happen?

Right?

Ah,

Noticing that resisting and now you're resisting yourself,

You're putting this on yourself.

Right?

Making an image out of it.

So,

Okay,

Noticing that,

Breathing in and feeling it,

Right?

The disappointment of that.

Right?

The path,

The least harmful option,

There is a least harmful option.

It may not be great,

But there is a least harmful option there.

But we've got to get out of the resisting the self judgment,

The comparing,

What if I didn't have this and I had their lives,

This is what you've got.

And,

And it is the wisdom and compassion that sees us through that to help us find the least harmful option.

Okay.

All right,

So let's,

Let's go ahead,

We're going to do our meditation now.

Okay.

So,

So we're now,

We're up to 15 minutes,

Right?

We were at 12 and a half minutes last week.

And so,

As best you can,

You know,

With our meditation,

We're shooting for 15 minutes.

And I just,

I do want to just hop right back real quick to Abigail,

Sorry.

You're looking for the least harmful option.

I don't have the least harmful option,

But in settling down the feelings,

There is a least harmful option out there.

I just wanted to clarify that.

I'm not saying like,

Oh,

It's here and I've got it.

What I'm saying is that the more that you be with the feelings,

The least harmful option will present itself because you can think more clearly,

You can think more clearly then.

Okay.

Just wanted to address that real quick.

And you know,

Abigail,

You can also message me offline and anything I can do to help as well,

You know,

Through,

Not offline,

Through insight timer,

Sorry.

And anything I can do to try and help you as well,

I will.

So we're doing 15 minutes,

15 minutes.

Oh,

Vashti,

Thank you so much.

Thank you for that donation.

Very generous.

Thank you so much,

Vashti.

So 15 minutes,

Minimum is still one minute,

Minimum is still one minute.

We're still looking for consistency over the amount of time.

So we're trying to shoot for 15 minutes a day,

Ideally in the morning.

But if you can't get that in,

Just one minute.

Oh,

Thank you,

Vashti.

Thank you so much.

And then,

And so we're using the mantra,

Then peace is not comparing,

Peace is not comparing.

So,

And just as a reminder for some of you that might be new,

We do the mantras in the negation,

Because what we're doing is pointing to all of the ways in which we take ourselves out of the present moment,

Or take ourselves away from the peace that is always here in the present moment.

Because peace,

Presence,

Isn't something to get to.

It's not something we can hold on to.

It's just to see the ways in which we take ourselves out of it.

So negation is not negativity,

And we're not judging ourselves because of the ways that we're pulling our attention away,

Or the way that our conditioning keeps taking our attention away.

We are just noticing it.

Ah,

There it is.

There it is.

And so when we say the mantras,

When we say peace is not comparing,

Like with peace is not resisting,

Peace is not chasing,

It brings more awareness to the mind movement.

So saying this in the meditation brings more awareness when we're outside of the meditation,

When the mind is wandering,

And then when it starts to go too far.

And then we notice,

Oh,

There it is.

There's the chasing,

There's the resisting,

There's the comparing.

Great,

Not to judge ourselves,

And then to use our mindfulness practice.

And then as we're no longer,

Our attention is no longer wandered off,

We're here.

Presence,

Peace,

Not a place to get to.

It's always here,

Always available.

It's just our attention keeps leaving it because we're always thinking our happiness is out there.

And if I could just get this horrible situation out of the way,

Then I would be happy.

Or if I could just have what they have and not feel so badly about myself,

Then I would be happy.

No,

No,

Then I would find the peace.

No,

The peace is here.

Even in the very most difficult of situations,

Abigail,

The peace is here.

When we notice what's happening,

Where the mind is going,

The mind has wandered away from the present moment.

And we tend to it in a way that brings mindfulness,

That brings compassion,

That brings kindness.

And,

Ah,

And the peace is here,

Even in the difficult situations when we stop resisting them,

When we stop resisting them,

Using compassion and kindness.

So we're going to count the mantras on our hands.

And again,

For those of you that are new,

And the reason that we're counting the mantras on our hands is to bring in the motor cortex in our brain as well.

So we're saying the mantra,

We bring in the motor cortex.

So we're starting to recruit other neural networks to,

Again,

Leave a greater imprint in our minds and our brains and our minds,

So that we become more aware of when the comparing is happening.

And so,

And I do recommend doing it with your left hand,

Instead of your right hand,

Left hand,

So that we're engaging the right hemisphere of our brain.

That,

And the right hemisphere,

It's not this whole thing,

Like we think of left brain is logic,

And the right brain is creativity.

That's kind of pop psychology stuff.

It's not based in any neuroscience.

It's,

Without getting into a big thing about this,

And I have a talk on Insight Timer about left brain,

Right brain.

But the right brain is more big picture.

Right brain is more mindfulness,

Right brain is more seeing how interconnected everything is.

And so by using our left hand,

When we're counting,

We're engaging the right hemisphere motor cortex.

So again,

We're starting to recruit the right parts of the brain,

Or not the right parts,

But the parts that encourage a lot of mindfulness,

That encourage a more bigger picture.

So we bring the top of our thumb and the top of our pinky together for the first count.

And we silently say to ourselves,

Peace is not comparing.

And then we go to the middle,

Peace is not comparing.

And then the crease,

Peace is not comparing.

So it's just three points on each finger.

And then we start again at the beginning,

Top of the pinky,

Top of the thumb.

So there's nothing magical about the particular pattern that we're doing.

But it is a pattern.

And again,

We tend to remember things in patterns as well.

So again,

Another way of creating more neural activity there.

So if you wanted to do four,

That's okay,

You know.

But the pattern,

Having a pattern does increase the connectivity as well.

And so we're more likely to remember.

So we'll start the meditation,

We'll do a couple of deep breaths.

We'll let the deep breathing go,

Just feel the breath then,

Just at its own natural pace.

I'll ask the two questions.

And for those of you that are new,

I'll give a little bit more context around those questions when I ask them.

And then we'll bring in the mantra and bring in the counting,

Focusing our attention on the breath at the tip of our nostrils.

And so peace is not comparing.

And for the first few mantras,

I'll also put my hand up here so that we can,

If you want to kind of take a little peek and see.

Okay,

So all right.

So let's go ahead and we'll do 15 minutes.

So it's 104,

So we'll go to 119.

Okay,

So just go ahead and make any adjustments in your seat.

We've been sitting for quite a while,

So just move around a little bit,

Make sure you're comfortable.

If your legs are crossed,

Uncross your legs.

Close your eyes.

And we'll begin with a few deep breaths.

In and out through the nose.

So just moving at your own pace.

Really filling up on the inhales.

Long,

Slow exhales.

And at the end of your next exhale,

Allow your breath to be natural.

Just letting it flow at its own pace,

Its own rhythm.

And ask yourself,

What is it that you want more than anything else in the world for yourself?

And when we ask this question,

I'm asking you to look inside.

What is it that you want to intrinsically feel,

To know,

That is not in any way dependent on the external world?

It might be peace,

Contentment,

Connection,

Belonging.

Just see what word speaks to you.

Not limiting you to those four words,

But those were just pointers.

And now ask yourself,

What could you do more of or less of that could move you closer to what it is you most want?

So when we ask this question,

We are not in the slightest bit concerned about whether it's something we want to do more of,

Or whether it's something that we're ready to do less of.

We are simply inviting the question,

Being honest with ourselves and identifying what we could do.

And that is simply enough.

We're planting seeds.

So just being as honest with yourself as you can.

And now let that fade away.

And bringing your attention to your breath at the tip of your nose.

Feeling the breath as it enters and exits here.

And we'll bring in the mantra.

So bringing together the top of your thumb with the top of your pinky and silently saying,

Peace is not comparing.

Peace is not comparing.

Peace is not comparing.

So one full inhale and exhale for each mantra,

For each count.

And if any thoughts related to the mantra arise,

Maybe remembering a time when you were comparing yourself to someone noticing maybe how you internalized it and made it an identity out of it,

An identity where you were lacking in some way.

And just noticing how the comparing brought that on.

So really giving you evidence that peace is not comparing when it turns into an identity.

When it goes too far.

And it's okay if no thoughts arise around comparing either.

Simply saying the mantra,

You're leaving an imprint.

So that as you're being more mindful,

You notice the comparing more easily.

And now let the mantra go for the last few minutes of the meditation.

Let the counting go and just allow your attention to rest on the breath.

And as we begin to come out of the meditation,

With a big inhale,

Take your arms up over your head,

Big stretch at the top.

And as you exhale,

Gently lower your arms and slowly open your eyes.

Thank you,

Lori,

Even though I think you're gone,

But thank you.

And Paula,

What a beautiful message to Abigail and Kathy.

And you're just both reiterating like,

Yeah.

Is it okay to do both mantras this week?

In general,

What I would say is that we probably want to focus on the comparing,

But if something's really coming up and like it is for you,

Abigail,

Yeah,

I'm going to say maybe you can do every other day.

Don't switch mantras mid meditation,

But just do maybe the pieces not resisting.

And then the next day you can do pieces not comparing.

So we're not forgetting about compare,

Excuse me,

Chasing and resisting.

And then also,

I'm not sure how many of you did the,

Uh,

Where you wrote down last week,

Uh,

Your top 10 playlist of most recurring thoughts,

And then noticing what types,

Where you're,

Whether you're moving more in the chasing direction,

Or if you're more in the resisting direction,

But it's so helpful.

I mean,

I cannot,

It is so helpful when a thought keeps recurring.

And,

And of course we can do it in advance,

But then also once the thought is arising and,

And,

Uh,

And we're being mindful,

But it keeps coming up,

But also just writing it down and you're seeing it like,

Yeah,

You know,

There it is,

There's the resisting,

Or there's the chasing,

Or there's the comparing.

And,

And there's just so much power in seeing it on that piece of paper with all the other thoughts that we're,

You know,

Kind of that we just keep rehashing.

Um,

You know,

The,

The,

The situation kind of changes,

But we're pushing back on something else,

Or we're,

We're another person and,

And the,

The,

The person keeps changing,

But there's still that pushing back on the difficult person or,

Um,

You know,

Or just the comparing that maybe when we,

We notice like,

Oh yeah,

I compare when I hear of someone getting some really,

Some good news and we want to be happy for them,

We want to be happy.

And this is where there is another practice called sympathetic joy in,

Uh,

In Buddhism.

And I have a class on my teacher's page on that because it is also like,

We want to share in the joy of others.

Like we want to be able to do that because it's,

It's increasing our joy,

But it's difficult.

It's difficult.

It feels like someone else's gain is coming out of our pocket,

Right?

That's that zero sum game mentality,

That scarcity.

It feels like your bonus just came out of my paycheck.

And,

And so,

You know,

To write down the ways in which we're comparing that,

Yeah,

I just hear a friend got,

Had some good news about this or something like writing it down and you don't have to show it to anyone.

Like it's just,

It's not that I'm saying we should feel any shame about it,

But it's just for you to see like,

Yeah,

Man,

I get lost in that.

And it's just the conditioning.

It's,

It's just the conditioning of the culture that we lived in.

If we lived in a world that was,

Was more egalitarian,

Was more community focused,

Was more supportive in that way that was less about the material world,

Less about power and success,

We wouldn't need these mantras,

Right?

They're a response to the world that we live in.

I mean,

The Buddha,

When he,

You know,

Just under 2,

600 years ago,

When the Buddha came on the scene with all these things,

But probably 10,

000 years ago,

We didn't need these things,

Right?

When we lived again in more egalitarian or more kind of tribal communities,

Not that there weren't problems then,

I'm sure there were still other problems then.

But,

But to this level of,

Of identity that we have taken on through chasing the identity of me that's going to be happy when I get something,

The me that's unhappy because I'm getting what I don't want,

The me that's unhappy because they have something that I don't have.

Like,

That's just we've taken this identity to a whole new level,

A whole new level that is creating so much unhappiness for us,

So much dissatisfaction.

I mean,

It is,

It is amazing,

You know,

Relatively speaking,

The good lives that so many of us have where we have survived.

And,

And we really do,

Like have enough.

And yet this culture keeps telling us no,

You should want more,

You're not doing enough,

Look at them,

They're getting ahead of you.

And,

And where we,

We,

We are in this,

This,

You know,

This perpetual state of feeling dissatisfied with our lives when it's like,

My God,

We do have so much.

And I'm not saying that,

That we should.

And I said that in the talk,

Like,

It's not to feel like we don't want to feel like I should feel grateful for what I have.

Because that's not gratitude,

That's still comparing.

But it's about coming in and,

And being with what's here and noticing just that conditioning,

Noticing the conditioning.

This is what the Buddha pointed to.

It is the,

In the more Buddhist terms,

Desire and aversion,

Desire and aversion,

The grasping,

The craving,

And that pushing back.

And,

And,

And,

And the belief that there is something behind all of this,

Something solid,

Independent,

And permanent,

And separate,

That could finally get to some place and land and be satisfied through,

Through temporary,

Impermanent conditions in the external world.

And we're going to get to this more when we talk about the last mantra.

And,

You know,

So this is,

This is a response to our culture,

To what's ailing our culture.

To help shed more light on the mind movements that are most habitually catching our attention,

Pulling us away from what's here,

And,

And causing us to see ourselves in such a disproportionate,

Really,

Even what I would say,

Just like,

I want to use the word delusional,

But I'm not,

I don't want to,

I'm not calling any of us delusional,

But in a way that is like,

Just so far from reality,

That is so far from reality.

It's just that,

And it is just the conditioning.

And Aviva,

Thank you so,

So much for that very generous donation.

Thank you so much.

And Moj,

You're so welcome.

I'm so,

I'm so glad you're here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And I do just want to notice,

Again,

Note again,

Like,

Look at,

Look at all these messages that people are sending to you,

Abigail.

Like,

You can also allow that to really help,

You know,

Giving you the support to come into be with what's here,

Knowing that you're not alone,

Knowing that you're not alone.

There is so much comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

I've said this,

This before,

I'll say it again,

The self-compassion phrase,

Like,

Just like me,

Millions of people are facing a really difficult decision right now,

A really difficult decision,

Just like me,

Millions of people around the world.

And there is comfort in that,

Right?

Or just like me,

Millions of people around the world just got a devastating health diagnosis,

Or a life-changing bill,

Or a,

Or experiencing physical pain,

Or emotional pain,

Or have been dumped,

Just like me,

Millions of people around the world.

So in this way,

We're reminding ourselves,

This is a normal part of human experience,

I'm not alone.

And sometimes that can be enough to just give us enough breathing room to go,

Okay,

Okay,

I see what's going on,

I'm not alone,

This isn't uniquely,

I'm broken.

Okay,

And that can just be enough,

Enough for us to be able to come into our experience to feel what's here,

To be with what's here in a kind of compassionate and nurturing way.

And thank you,

Chelsea,

Thank you so much.

Thanks,

Libby Lou.

Yeah,

Marianne,

I love that one,

Just like me,

Millions of people.

It just automatically slices through the argument that I am the only one sitting out on this island by myself,

Facing this really difficult decision,

Or choice,

Or pain,

Or discomfort.

It's just that reminder of like,

Oh,

Yeah,

This is part of the human experience.

I'm not alone.

I'm not alone.

So I'll just go back,

Marianne,

And also Marianne.

Yeah,

I love the breathing in,

I know I'm breathing in.

Breathing out,

I know I'm breathing out.

I love Thich Nhat Hanh.

I love Thich Nhat Hanh.

I mean,

Yeah.

And,

You know,

He faced some really,

When he was younger in the Vietnam War,

And then being not allowed to return to his country after the war.

And I think at some point he did return,

But you know,

In the first 10 or 20 years,

And then with his health conditions,

The last eight or nine years of his life,

Right?

And I have no doubt he was breathing in,

Knowing he was breathing in,

Breathing out,

Knowing he was breathing out,

Really being with what was here.

Yeah.

And Bev,

Yeah,

It's,

It is,

It's,

It feels so personal.

So that's absolutely spot on what you're saying about not taking it personally.

It feels so personal in our thoughts,

Right,

That the universe is out to get me,

And I am the only one facing this.

And that's why also coming in and being with the feelings,

It dissolves that sense of this being personal.

Because that is simply just a thought that is personal.

There's this,

Just this belief that we have behind the thoughts that there is a me that this could be,

That could be taking this personally.

Right?

It's,

I mean,

This is the illusion.

This is the illusion.

We're all part of this tapestry.

We are all part of it.

And,

And yet,

Through our thinking,

And specifically when our thinking goes too far,

Because thinking is not our enemy,

Thinking can be very helpful,

Useful.

We can have very nice thoughts.

But this thinking,

And what we're really looking at in this,

Not just in this course,

But what we're always talking about in our Dharma talks,

Is this thinking,

Where we create this illusion of there's this little me,

And I'm at the center of the universe.

And,

And then everything that's happening is all about me,

Like life is happening to me,

Instead of,

Oh,

No,

I am a part of this great tapestry.

I am a part of it.

And,

And I'm a part,

So I am a part of the universe,

Not separate from it.

Just in that alone in seeing,

And again,

We're going to talk about that specifically in the fifth mantra,

Kind of this whole story of me,

This narrating story of me.

It's this,

The way that we,

The way that we see ourselves as independent,

Separate,

Permanent,

And then seeing ourselves as the center of the universe,

Instead of part of the universe,

That's where all that personal comes in.

It's none of this is personal.

None of this is personal.

It feels so personal,

The way we frame it.

And then we feel even worse about ourselves.

And yet it's just a story that we tell ourselves.

It's just a story that we have,

Have been telling ourselves our whole lives.

Everyone else is telling the story.

And so it's so believable.

And,

And yet it's an illusion.

We're so lost in our,

In our fears and our desires of finding this ultimate happiness sometime in the future.

Right?

I mean,

I mean,

It,

It kind of boggles the mind that we have spent our entire lives thinking that our happiness is going to be in the future.

And yet every time we get to that future moment,

It's the presence,

And we're still not happy.

If I could just get over there,

If I could just get these conditions,

If I could just,

If I could just,

If I could just.

And what I'm suggesting,

See how you keep setting up your life as being something other than where it is now.

Where it is now is,

This is it.

This is it.

You're breathing now.

You're feeling now.

You're seeing now.

You're hearing now.

And when the future arises,

It'll be the present moment again.

So if you can't be happy now,

Let go of the future.

You'll never find happiness.

You'll never find it.

It's only ever going to be now.

And this isn't to judge ourselves because we keep doing it.

It's just that we're noticing it.

It's the conditioning.

It's the conditioning that,

Again,

It was around at the time of the Buddha,

It was around before then,

When we look at like the pre-Hindu texts,

The Upanishads,

Which I think are 4,

000 plus years old.

But definitely,

It's amplified 100x by our Western culture.

I mean,

We have so many examples of people that are famous,

People that are beautiful,

People that have a lot of wealth.

And they'll talk about,

I'm trying to think of,

Oh,

I remember Katy Perry doing a,

Actually,

She did something with Tara Brock,

Talking about all of her anxiety and all of her depression.

And you think,

Oh,

My God,

She's this famous pop star.

How could she experience this?

Or Oprah Winfrey,

All of this wealth,

All of this fame.

And yet,

She's constantly talking and exploring these things and having people on her Super Soul Sunday.

And all of these ways that she's constantly talking about these things as though there's something missing.

Or I'm trying to think because there's so many famous people that have talked about whether they're in therapy,

Or that are having emotional crises,

Or whether they've been addicted to things,

Or they have everything that we think should make them happy based on what our society tells us.

And yet,

They're saying,

No,

Not it,

Not it.

And even Jim Carrey has this quote where he says,

I'm going to paraphrase it,

Because I can't remember it exactly,

But something along the lines of,

Everyone should get rich and famous and do and buy and do everything they've ever wanted,

So that they can see that's not it.

It's not it.

And we have the benefit,

We have the benefit of like,

We're not going to throw away the world that we live in.

We're not going to throw away technology.

I mean,

Look,

We're connecting through technology right now,

Right?

Technology isn't the enemy.

We want to be able to use technology in ways that are beneficial for us.

We have an abundance of things to go to a grocery store,

A market and to be able to have all of these things right at our fingertips,

Like that's amazing.

But we have to be able to see ourselves that like when we're getting pulled into the into the values of our culture,

That value material wealth,

Status and success and beauty and power,

To be able to see when we're getting pulled into it,

To go,

Ah,

I can find the middle path here.

Even in this modern world,

We don't have to blame the modern world,

We don't have to,

Oh,

It's so terrible.

In and of itself,

No,

There's a lot of really good things here,

A lot of wonderful things,

Right?

So we don't have to denigrate it.

But we just have to recognize how what our modern culture society values is not about peace and contentment.

In fact,

We could even say,

It is about creating a sense of lack.

Because if we have a sense of lack,

Aren't we good little consumers,

Right?

Then I've got to buy something to be able to try and feel better.

I need the next whatever,

The next phone,

The next laptop,

The next outfit,

The next handbag,

The next amount of praise or recognition or more followers,

Or it's just always needing more.

In fact,

I would say that,

And I don't think this has happened through some kind of nefarious conspiracy.

But it's just through all the conditions of how our culture has evolved,

That keeping us in a state of lack does turn us into good little consumers.

And so,

We don't have to,

You know,

Kind of turn away from that completely and say,

Well,

Now I'm going to be a pauper.

But I think there is a middle ground here,

A middle path.

And I know just in my own life,

Yes,

I have definitely found this middle path.

I do live a very simple life now.

I mean,

Living down here in Mexico,

I mean,

It was the RV that eventually brought me down here.

I was traveling down here and then thought,

Wow,

It's cheap enough,

I could probably build a house here.

And so,

You know,

It's a very simple life here.

It's very simple.

And it works for me.

And it works for me.

And yet,

I still see when that comparing starts to come in or the chasing not to,

Oh,

Bad Meredith,

You know,

Shouldn't be doing that.

It's just like,

Oh,

I see it.

I see it.

It's the conditioning.

So,

We have to just keep being mindful and aware of it.

So,

When we bring in these beautiful Eastern practices like Buddhism,

That really teach us how to live in this world without getting lost in the world,

Right?

In the world,

Not of the world,

Worldly,

I'm talking about.

Yeah,

I find that we can really navigate and appreciate the time that we live in.

I mean,

Think about a couple hundred years ago,

They didn't have indoor plumbing.

It's pretty nice to have indoor plumbing.

Pretty nice to be able to turn on a sink and have water,

Have hot water,

Have cold water.

I mean,

These are all pretty good conditions.

But if we lose ourselves to our culture's values,

We're just,

We're not finding happiness,

We're finding anxiety and stress and anger and rage and unworthiness and shame and guilt and self-judgment like that's,

I mean,

We don't have to go too far.

I mean,

That's what we see.

That's what we see.

And so,

It's just catching the conditioning.

It's catching the conditioning.

Yeah,

Nikki,

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Abigail.

Yeah,

Kate Spade,

Anthony Bourdain.

I mean,

There's just,

There's so many examples.

And yet,

We still idolize,

Like,

It's still so ingrained.

And so,

Just to catch it,

Just to catch it.

This is everything that we're doing here.

It's just,

Ah,

There it is.

There's the conditioning.

No judgment,

No judgment whatsoever.

That's coming in another back door,

Right?

Of just judging ourselves because we were doing this.

That's staying lost in the illusion.

It's just to notice it.

It's just,

Oh,

Phew,

Wow,

Wow,

That conditioning is really strong.

Yeah,

It is.

And every time you notice it,

Every time you recognize the chasing,

The resisting,

The comparing,

Every time you notice it,

And there's mindfulness,

And there's a coming into your experience,

You're like,

Well,

I thought my peace and happiness was over there,

But actually,

It was always here.

Peace never left us.

Our attention leaves the peace.

We think it's somewhere else.

And the more that you keep coming,

You know,

The more that you notice all the ways in which you leave the peace and keep discovering the peace here,

Even in your disappointment,

Even in your comparing,

Even in the chasing and the resisting,

But coming in and feeling and being with it.

It's like,

Yeah,

The peace is here.

It's always available.

It's always here.

Always here.

We leave it.

That is true wealth.

That is wealth.

Knowing that the peace is always here.

It's free.

It doesn't cost anything.

It's always available.

It's not for some people,

You know,

Those that look a certain way or have a certain title.

It's always here.

It's just for us to wake up and see that and just to wake up in this moment.

Don't worry about,

Oh,

But I've got to permanently be awake or enlightened.

Just wake up in this moment.

Wake up in this moment.

That's enough.

And the more that you wake up,

You keep waking up and realizing,

Yeah,

It's here.

It's here.

It's not out there.

Doesn't mean that you don't go and enjoy the nice latte or a smoothie or something,

Or you take a holiday or you're doing something,

Right?

But you know,

But my peace and happiness isn't in the holiday.

My peace and happiness is right here and now.

Because if my peace and happiness is in the holiday,

All that's going to happen,

Do,

Excuse me,

All that's going to happen when I get on holidays.

Yes,

I'll be excited for a few minutes here.

And then it's like,

Ah,

Here's the beach.

Now let me go to the restaurant.

Oh,

Now we're at this restaurant.

What are we going to do tomorrow?

Right?

We just keep moving it,

But we're kind of in this excited state.

We don't even realize,

Right?

It's like the peace is always now.

It's always now.

Always now.

And Nikki,

Yeah,

You know,

What you're saying,

It is about being happy with what we have and appreciating those things as a blessing.

Yeah.

Because it will never be enough.

It will never be enough.

It's,

It's this,

We have this thought,

I want something outside of me,

Or they have something that I want.

And it's literally this thought that kind of splits us into two and creates this,

This sense of an aching hole inside of us that now I've got to fill up.

But the hole isn't real.

That's why we never fill it up.

The hole isn't real.

It's the seeing,

Oh,

It's the wanting,

The desire that I need something outside of me in order to be happy.

Remember,

We're always talking about when it goes too far.

That's what creates this,

This emptiness inside of me,

This hole that something needs to get filled,

Filled in.

And the mind keeps saying,

Oh,

But if you get it,

I'll fill the hole.

But it's always a lie,

Because it doesn't.

Okay,

All right,

That latte is good.

But now I want the ice cream.

Okay,

That,

That promotion was good.

But now I want the next one.

Now I want what they have.

Now I want the corner office.

Now I want that car.

Now I want this thing.

It's never ending.

It's insatiable.

We will never find peace and contentment.

And yes,

Bev,

For my definition,

That's the ego.

The ego in Latin,

Ego meaning self,

Meaning,

And from a Buddhist perspective,

A separate,

Independent,

Permanent self.

A separate,

Independent,

Permanent self.

As though there is something in here that is solid and independent and permanent.

There is nothing here that is solid and independent and permanent.

Meredith is a rising,

Interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent.

It's an appearance.

It's been here for 60 years.

We'll see how much longer it stays there.

Not only is there nothing I could get in the outside world,

Because everything outside of me is also impermanent.

Not only could I not get anything from the outside world to hold on to,

There is nothing here that could hold on to it.

It's just this sense of solidity.

And this is what we're seeing through,

Like we're seeing how the comparing,

How the chasing,

How the resisting gives that contraction,

Right?

That contraction.

Oh,

The ego is like,

Oh,

I need something.

It's a sense of it.

It's a feeling.

But when you come back in and when you're feeling what's here and you use mindfulness and you use compassion and care and kindness,

And it dissolves and there's that sense of spaciousness,

You're still here.

You didn't go away.

But you're no longer seeing yourself as a solid,

Separate,

Independent thing.

That you're not a thing.

You're not nothing.

You're not nothing.

But you're not a thing.

I'm probably giving away a lot of the class for the last mantra.

But it's,

Isabelle,

It's even,

Yes,

It's enjoying what we have.

And to your point as well,

Nikki,

Like appreciating what we have.

It's just,

If I can even go a little bit further on that,

Isabelle,

And I appreciate you making that comment there.

Because yes,

There is an appreciation.

Yeah,

Nikki,

That's where I'm going.

There is an appreciation of,

Yes,

Being grateful for what we have,

But really just this appreciation for what's here.

And we can have an appreciation for the warmth of the sun on our face.

I can't own that.

I can't.

I don't have to have that.

Yes,

KD,

It's like it's that getting attached to it,

That there's something here that could get attached.

But it's just appreciating these conditions,

What's coming,

What's arising in this moment,

And then what's changing.

And that through all of this,

There is just being.

Like you're saying,

Nikki,

There is being.

It's not becoming something.

It's not becoming improved.

It's not becoming a better person.

It's not,

I need to transform into something.

It's not becoming,

It's being.

And noticing what's here in this moment,

The feeling of aliveness that's here in this moment.

Of the connection that we have,

Just even through our sangha,

Even through our sangha,

188 people all over the world,

Right?

All of us walking this path together,

Sharing,

All of you sharing your wisdom,

Your questions,

Right?

Like it's this connection that's here and it's temporary.

It's a moment in time.

It won't be,

You know,

No two moments are ever the same.

You can't step into the same river twice.

You are never the same from moment to moment.

Every interaction we have is constantly changing us.

And whether it's an interaction with a human being,

Whether it's an interaction with a bird,

With a dog,

With the wind,

With the sun,

With the,

You're asking what's behind my,

There's the kakachila mountains behind me,

Right?

You know,

We see it and it's just,

There's the beauty of this moment because everything is changing.

Those mountains are changing moment by moment.

A little bit of a rock falling down,

A little bit of dirt falling with it,

The wind taking the leaves off of some of the trees,

Someone hiking and displacing some of the dirt,

Some of the rocks,

Changing moment by moment by moment.

Everything is changing moment by moment by moment.

There is nothing solid,

Nothing independent,

Nothing permanent here.

And yet there is awareness of all of this.

There is an awareness of all of this.

And it's,

And Kathy,

Yes,

It is,

It is a beautiful view.

It is a beautiful view.

Absolutely.

But in,

When we're,

When we're really seeing without this filter inside of,

Well,

What can I get out of this moment?

What can I keep out of this moment?

What do I have in this moment?

When we're really seeing,

It doesn't really matter what we're looking at.

But yes,

There's more awe in certain things of beauty,

Certain appearances.

But so much of the awe,

Like when we see a sunset or we see a beautiful sunrise,

Or we've got the full moon right now and the full moon coming up over,

So in front of me is the bay and an island and when it comes up,

It's spectacular.

And there's this preciousness because it's a moment in time.

It doesn't last.

And we sense that.

And there's a greater sense of awe and wonder through there.

And it's,

And what prevents us from having more awe and wonder is that we,

We see the world through the lens of a separate solid me.

And I,

I'm at the center of the universe,

Not connected to it,

Not connected to it,

Not a part of it,

Not a part of it.

Very,

Two drastically different models.

I'm the center of the universe,

I can take everything personally then.

Life is happening to me.

I can be angry,

I can push back,

I can try and get something to try and make me happy.

Endless suffering with that model.

That's the ego model,

Right?

Or there's the seeing through the illusion of the separate self that I'm a part of this.

Life is not happening to me.

Life is happening.

This is also life.

We could say how Alan Watts describes it,

And I very much like this and agree with this.

Each of us is the universe experiencing itself,

Not separate,

Not separate.

And it kind of gives us that,

That stepping back of remembering that,

Yeah,

We're here for a short amount of time and we have some beautiful connections and we learn things along the way and we help each other and,

And we're,

We're,

We're just,

We're alive.

Right?

It gives us that kind of perspective,

But also with the wisdom to understand that yes,

Conventionally,

There is a merit of here.

Of course there is.

Yeah.

Each of us exists,

Right?

We don't exist the way we think we do,

But each of us exists and there's things that,

That we kind of need to go about doing,

The errands,

The dishes,

Showering,

Like just different things that,

But,

But to not forget,

Not get lost in the conventional,

Right?

That we're able to step back enough and just appreciate this moment in time because no two moments are the same.

That's a great definition,

Sandy,

Like we are all islands and yet we are connected through the ocean floor.

Yeah.

We have just completely distorted our perception of reality completely.

And yeah,

Michelle,

I mean,

That's it.

It's like humans.

It's just this identification.

And again,

I keep saying this is going to be the fifth mantra because this is what it all comes down to.

This,

This story of me giving a belief,

Giving a belief in a solid,

Separate,

Independent me that can take things personally,

That did screw up,

That did the wrong thing,

That is unworthy.

All of those things can be attached to that.

And yet it is just a story,

A story we have come to believe hook,

Line and sinker,

A story that we will defend to the nth degree.

And yet it's just a story.

It's just a story.

Not who we truly are.

Not seeing how we truly exist.

Interdependent,

Interconnected,

Always changing.

There is nothing here that could,

I kept saying,

You know,

Nothing here that could get attached.

It's just a belief.

Just a belief.

That's all.

It's just a belief.

Yeah,

Just a belief.

And everyone's believing it.

Everyone's believing in their own little story of me and what happened to me and what's going to happen to me later.

What do they think about me?

And all this suffering,

And we're running around like little squirrels,

Frightened that something's going to come and take me.

And it's like,

Look around.

We're mostly safe.

We're mostly safe.

We've got good conditions.

It's this idea in the separate self,

The ego,

That as being a solid,

Independent me,

That creates so much suffering.

So much suffering.

And out of that,

The belief that there's a little solid,

Independent me,

And therefore,

Someone could have more than me and I can feel badly about myself.

Or I can want to get over there.

Because the little me,

Once it gets over there,

Is finally going to be happy,

Right?

Except it never is.

In fact,

The moment,

The relief that we feel for a few moments,

Because we got there,

Is mostly because the wanting went away.

For a few moments,

We stopped telling ourselves I needed to be somewhere else.

But it just starts back up again,

Because that's all we've been doing.

And then we move the marker again,

And then we move the marker again,

Right?

All at the behest of this little me,

That is just a fictitious little me,

That we believe is behind all of these thoughts.

That we believe is behind all of the thoughts,

All of the thinking.

Every single one of us exists.

I'm not saying that we don't exist.

But we don't exist the way we think we exist.

Yeah.

Okay,

I'm just gonna,

Because we are getting close to two hours,

But I think actually,

I was kind of seeing everyone's comments as they were coming in.

I think,

Yeah,

I don't think I lost any questions in here.

Yes,

Kimmy,

You're,

You know,

Turn off the Super Mario music.

I mean,

It's like,

It's like a VR headset,

You know,

I've used that analogy a lot.

It's like we,

We wake up,

And then immediately think,

I mean,

Of course,

We need to think,

What do I need,

You know,

Where you need to be a little bit of thinking useful.

Yes,

Don't get lost in the image.

But what we do is we kind of put the VR headset on,

And we leave it on.

And all day long,

We're focused on,

Did I get over there fast enough?

Oh,

No,

What's getting in my way over here?

Oh,

No,

No,

I need to get over there.

We're more focused on that than what's actually here than what's actually happening.

So what we're trying to see is how,

How we keep putting on the VR headset.

How we keep doing this,

And,

And we're doing this through these mantras,

Right,

The chasing the resisting the comparing so far.

So and I know there are a lot of great comments back here.

But I think I'm proud.

Oh,

And Isabel,

Thank you for putting the actual Jim Carrey comment there,

Because it's a great quote.

It's a great quote.

But I think we will go ahead and just come to an end here.

But great questions.

Great comments.

Yeah,

Thank you,

Bob.

Thank you guys,

Man.

You guys had some really good questions.

And Sandy,

Thank you.

And Abigail and Michelle and Kimmy and Philippa.

Yeah,

It's because,

You know,

This each moment here,

Interdependent,

The words coming out of this mouth based on what you guys are putting in there,

Based on your previous conditions and experiences and moments,

Right,

It's all kind of giving rise to each moment.

But we're so focused in the on the VR headset,

The little me that's going to get something.

You know,

It's like never,

It never wins.

We see the little scoreboard going up and down.

And we're just so focused on that.

And we've we've forgotten to live.

We've just forgotten to live.

We've forgotten how to live.

Right,

How to be here.

So,

Oh,

Nikki,

Thank you for the donation.

Thank you.

And thank you,

Abigail.

Thank you,

Libby.

Thanks,

Bev.

So for this week,

Peace is not comparing.

If something is going on in your life,

And you're really noticing something,

Like,

Absolutely feel free to go back to any of the other mantras,

Peace is not chasing,

Peace is not resisting.

Try not to mix them mid meditation or something.

But yeah,

Something's going on,

You want to meditate,

You want to bring in the mantra,

Like use the tools that we've got.

Absolutely use them all.

Michelle,

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

So we're shooting for as a goal,

15 minutes of meditation if we can,

Right,

But one minute minimum.

So you can set your insight timer,

Do the interval one minute,

And then 14 minutes for the rest of the meditation so that if after one minute you want to get up,

No problem.

No problem.

The hardest part is getting to the cushion.

And we really do want to try and get the consistency there of our meditation practice down.

The meditation practice really is,

At least I feel,

The foundation of being able to be mindful throughout the day.

I would find it to be very difficult to be mindful without that meditation practice.

And particularly as we're bringing in the mantras as well.

So we're really trying to see that peace is not comparing.

Notice just those ways of when we go too far,

When it becomes about an identity,

When it's gone from information,

Comparing for information,

No problem.

When it's resist,

When it's gone into an identity about ourselves,

The little me,

We've gone too far with it.

And then using our practice to come in to be with what's here,

So we can heal what's here,

So we can heal what's here.

Even though there is no really no independent separate self,

The wounds that many of us carry around,

Many from our childhood,

You know,

If they are not tended to,

If they are not nurtured,

If they are not felt,

They will continue to keep arising.

So we still want to be able to be with the feelings,

We want to be able to be with what's here.

And not to judge it,

But just to,

Ah,

There's the comparing.

And as you come in and you explore what's here,

Keep peeling back the layers.

What else is here?

And what else is here?

And what else is here?

Being really curious about all of these deeper wounds that are driving,

That are along with the conditioning of our culture,

Keeping us trapped in this cycle,

This perpetuating cycle,

Right?

So we want to,

We're noticing the conditioning,

And we're really tending to the wounds below,

So that we start to break,

Right?

We start to loosen this conditioning,

And then new conditioning is arising.

New conditioning is here.

Okay,

So,

So thank you all so,

So much.

Thank you all for the donations.

I so appreciate that.

Thank you.

Yeah.

All right.

Thank you all so much.