Class 4 | Peace Is Not Resisting

We often think peace means getting rid of discomfort - fixing, changing, or resisting what’s happening. But what if that very act of resisting is what creates our suffering? In this dharma talk, we explore the insight that peace is not resisting. This doesn't mean passivity - that we don't act or engage with the world but that we leave the inner war behind.

Transcript

We are up to the second mantra in this week's class,

Which is peace is not resisting.

So it's that mind movement of pushing back on what's happening,

Of not wanting something of aversion.

And really,

The resisting is the other side of the coin of chasing.

So while on the one side we're chasing something,

We see something we want,

We think it's going to bring us our everlasting happiness.

And we're kind of implying I don't want what's here.

And likewise,

When we're pushing back on what's here,

We are kind of implying we would take something better than what's here.

So they're really two sides of the same coin,

And yet they do also have their own distinct mind movement.

And I also just want to reiterate why I have put the mantras in the form of negation,

Of peace is not chasing,

Peace is not resisting.

And then we've got three more mantras coming up.

We're not saying that resisting is bad.

We're not judging ourselves for it.

This is not negative.

Negation is not negative.

It is simply saying in the absence of the resisting is peace.

And so I've framed them this way to remove this idea from our head that peace is something that we can get.

It's something that we need to get to.

It's something that we can hold on to.

Peace is always here.

In the absence of the chasing mind and the resisting mind,

The peace is always here.

So this is negation and not negativity.

It's negation.

We're not judging ourselves for doing it.

We're just noticing it because it is simply taking us out of the present moment again and again,

Way more than we realize.

So I mentioned last week in the first class,

Hi Sandy,

That all of the mantras are based on the ways in which we're thinking in the default mode network.

But really what we're looking at,

Because we're not saying that mind wandering is a bad thing,

We need to think and mind wandering is a healthy activity for us.

It's that it's when it's gone too far.

That's when it's becoming a problem for us.

So one of the mind movements that we do a lot in the mind wandering is going back into the past,

Thinking about the past,

Reflecting on the past,

Learning from the past,

And all of that is good.

But where it goes too far is when we start regretting the past,

Right?

We're resisting now what happened.

We're wishing it could be another way.

So resisting covers when we've gone too far in the past,

When we're starting to regret,

But it also covers when we are resisting what's happening in the present moment and when we are resisting what we think is going to be happening in the future.

So a lot of resisting going on here in all time zones,

A lot of resisting going on.

So if we look at our experiences,

And hi Monica and Joe,

Good to see you guys.

If we look at our experience,

The Buddha very simply put our experiences into three categories.

We have pleasant experiences,

We have unpleasant experiences,

And we have neutral experiences.

So the neutral are neither pleasant or unpleasant,

They're just neutral.

So the pleasant experiences are those high moments,

Those exciting moments,

You're getting some praise,

You're getting some recognition,

It's your first sip of coffee in the morning,

And it's the going to a wedding or a party or you're on holiday,

You got promoted,

You met a new partner.

It's kind of these fun,

Exciting moments in our lives that we all have,

And what I would suggest really anywhere 15,

20,

25% of our experience is in these pleasant moments.

And there's no science behind that,

Just kind of my own observations.

So then when we go to the other side of the spectrum,

We go to the unpleasant.

These are the experiences where we're getting criticized,

We're getting blamed about something,

We're having an argument with someone,

We've got a difficult person that we're having to deal with,

We're feeling some physical discomfort,

Maybe we're sick,

Maybe someone we love is sick,

Maybe we've lost someone that we love,

Maybe we're grieving.

And so these are experiences that are real,

They are unpleasant.

And I would,

Again,

Just my observation,

15,

20,

25% of our experience we have of unpleasant experiences,

Unpleasant moments.

Doesn't matter who you are,

Everyone experiences this.

So this means that the bulk of our experience,

50% to 70% is neutral,

Just neutral conditions where we're doing our errands,

We're folding the laundry,

We're doing the dishes,

We're paying the bills,

We're driving a familiar route,

We're at a traffic light,

We're in a long line at the grocery store,

We're on hold,

We're waiting for a webpage to load.

The bulk of our experience is simply neutral conditions,

Neither pleasant nor unpleasant.

And yet,

The mind comes in and we impute,

We give meaning to these neutral experiences that tends to skew them towards the unpleasant.

So when we're having a,

We're stuck,

We're at a traffic light,

We're at a red light,

And when the mind starts coming in and pushing back and,

Oh,

This shouldn't be happening,

And this light's taking too long,

And this always happens to me,

We take a neutral experience,

We're just stopped at a traffic light,

It's neither pleasant nor unpleasant,

And we skew it to the negative by resisting it,

By pushing back on it in our thoughts.

Or if we're having a moment where we're doing some errands,

Or there's just not a lot going on,

And again,

It's a neutral moment,

But then the mind starts imputing,

My life has no meaning,

This is so boring,

You know,

Everyone else's life is so exciting,

But look at my life,

We're pushing back on this moment,

And we're skewing it towards the negative.

Or when we're in a meeting,

Or on a conference call,

And we're telling ourselves,

If that person doesn't stop talking,

I'm going to lose my mind,

It's a neutral experience,

But the way that we resist it,

The way we push back,

Escalates the situation and skews it to the unpleasant.

So all of this,

All of this imputing on these neutral moments,

Is where our dissatisfaction,

Our frustration,

The large part of our frustration,

Of our irritation,

Of our restlessness,

Of our anger,

Of our stress,

Of our suffering,

Is coming from what we are imputing,

The meaning that we are giving to these neutral moments.

And this is all self-created suffering.

We're doing it.

It's not the situation,

It is how we are relating to it,

How we are pushing back on it.

And so,

Why we have this mantra,

Peace is not resisting,

Because we are doing this a lot.

It's a habit,

It's just this,

Something's happening,

We're in a long line,

We're on hold,

Something doesn't seem exciting,

And we just have this habit of pushing back on it again and again.

So with the mantra,

Peace is not resisting,

We start to bring more awareness to this habit of pushing back.

It's not to judge ourselves,

It's not to say,

Oh,

I did something wrong because I pushed back,

Because you're not doing anything wrong,

This is just our conditioning.

But we are trying to see now,

Oh,

Peace is not resisting.

I am resisting and overlooking the peace that is here by imputing meaning,

By imputing negativity where there is none.

And so,

The mantra really helping us to be more mindful,

Helping us to notice when the resisting is happening,

So that we don't get lost in the story of pushing back and continuing that resistance and the irritation and the dissatisfaction,

But that we recognize more quickly,

Oh,

I'm resisting,

This is what's happening,

This is what's happening,

I'm resisting the situation.

Great,

Now we are getting to the source of the problem.

And so,

We recognize,

Ah,

Here's the resisting,

And then we have our mindfulness practices,

And very often,

Very often,

In the neutral moments,

The neutral experiences,

It's simply enough to notice and just start breathing mindfully,

Right?

Notice,

You won't notice the thoughts,

The thoughts are too quick there,

And they're going to happen.

Don't expect that they're not going to happen.

They will continue.

What you will notice is the contraction,

Is the tightening inside,

Oh,

I need something to stop,

Right?

It's this kind of little war that we're having inside,

In our heads,

And it creates this tension and contraction within us.

And in the noticing the resisting,

And then bringing in the mindful breathing,

Ah,

And just breathing into the contraction,

Just breathing in some space,

Often that is enough.

Oh,

I was starting to really push back,

But I'm breathing mindfully,

I feel what's here,

I'm able to look around now and hear the sounds,

I'm at a traffic light,

There's nothing inherently painful about this situation,

Even if I'm late to meet someone,

I can just send them a text and let them know.

There's nothing inherently unpleasant there.

And so when we notice it,

Right?

When we notice the resistance that you're going to notice in the form of the contraction,

You're not going to notice the thoughts.

And when you notice that,

Ah,

Here it is,

And you breathe mindfully and you're back.

And you're back.

And at other times,

Even though it's a neutral moment,

Maybe you have been on hold with customer service for about two hours,

And you keep getting passed around,

And it is starting to skew towards that unpleasant,

And maybe breathing mindfully isn't enough,

And that's okay,

Because we have many tools,

Right?

A little self-compassion.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

This is tough.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

This is challenging.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

Just a little bit more to go,

And then we can take a nice nap.

So we're not chasing the nap.

We're bringing context to the situation.

This could escalate or it could de-escalate based on how I talk to myself,

Based on how I impute meaning on the situation,

Or I acknowledge the resisting is happening,

And I use my mindfulness practices,

Right,

To help bring me back down,

To help bring me here into what's happening in this moment,

Because the peace is always here.

When we're not chasing,

When we're not resisting,

The peace is here,

So even then,

When we just acknowledge it,

There's that habit of the mind doing it,

We use a little self-compassion,

And we're just kind of back.

We're like,

Whew,

I was really starting to make a big deal out of that,

And it's just,

Yeah,

It's not my favorite thing to do,

But in using the self-compassion and breathing mindfully alongside,

Oh,

I can feel the release,

And I can feel the peace.

It's here.

The peace is always here.

The peace never leaves us.

We leave the peace.

And so in resisting,

We're not saying that we can't take any action as well.

The resisting is what's happening in our head.

It is literally this war in our head.

We're pushing back,

But maybe we're not doing anything where it escalates to where we do start pushing back in ways that are very unskillful,

The ways that really do escalate a situation.

So it doesn't mean that we can't take an action,

That,

Again,

We're stuck at a traffic light,

And we think,

Oh,

I'll just text my friend and let them know I'm going to be a little bit late,

Or run hold with customer service,

And we can even just say to them,

Hey,

I've been passed around a lot,

And I'm kind of getting to the end of my tether.

Could you just really help me with this?

I know it's not your fault,

But if you could really help me,

I'm really getting to the end of my tether.

And I will often say that.

I'm not really at the end of my tether,

But I kind of need to make a point here to say,

Like,

I'm not rolling over and just accepting this.

Like,

I do need to maybe say something to help someone understand,

Like,

Yeah,

This is kind of going on a long time,

And I do need to get some resolution here.

And so it doesn't mean that we can't take action,

That we shouldn't.

.

.

Shouldn't feel free to take a skillful action.

So the resisting that we're talking about is this war in our head,

This pushing back in our thoughts,

Pushing back on what's happening,

And not effectuating any helpful change,

But in fact just escalating the stress and the disappointment and the irritation and the frustration and the restlessness.

That's all we are doing.

We are the ones that are changing our experience,

Not what's happening out there,

The way we are relating to what's happening.

And so I do have a little personal story to add on to this resisting of neutral moments and then.

.

.

And to also offer up an exercise for us to do to bring more awareness to the ways in which we are habitually taking ourselves out of the present moment.

And I've shared this story before,

But I've always had it in this class,

So I'm going to add it again in here.

So this was,

Gosh,

At least 12 years ago now.

I was off camping on my own,

And I was getting ready to do my afternoon meditation.

And as I was preparing,

I was doing a little bit of physical movement and just getting my body ready to sit.

And as I was preparing for my meditation,

My neighbors were preparing for a party.

So I start hearing more voices have come over,

The music starts getting turned up,

And it wasn't incredibly loud,

But yes,

I was really pushing back,

Thinking,

Oh,

No,

No,

No,

No,

I can't have music playing when I'm meditating.

This is going to be horrible.

And as I kept pushing back,

Saying,

Oh,

This is going to be so difficult for me to meditate through,

And what a nightmare this is,

And why do they have to be having a party,

And just thinking all these terrible thoughts about my neighbors who were very nice people and perfectly reasonable,

They're in a campground,

It's the weekend,

They want to have some fun.

But in my mind,

I'm creating stress,

And I'm creating anxiety,

And I'm creating so much frustration inside because I'm resisting it.

And so eventually I realized,

I thought,

Gosh,

There's just no way I'm going to be able to meditate through this,

This is just too much.

And so I decided,

Okay,

I'm just not going to meditate.

But I was sitting in my van,

And I was still irritated,

And I was still frustrated,

And I was still pushing back.

I was still resisting it.

And it was just,

It finally hit me,

This teaching that I've heard so many times,

It's not the situation,

It's how you're relating to it.

And I realized,

It's like,

This is my aversion to this that is causing all the suffering.

It's not the music at all.

And so then I decided that I would meditate.

And I thought,

Okay,

So I sat to meditate.

And any time one of those thoughts,

Like,

Oh,

This shouldn't be happening,

Oh,

This is too loud,

When will the music end?

Any time one of those little thoughts just barely got above the surface,

I just saw it,

And I saw,

Like,

That thought is the suffering.

That's the suffering,

Not the music itself.

And it was amazing,

Because an hour went by,

The bell went off,

And I thought,

I can't even believe that.

But this whole time I thought I had to have utter peace and quiet to be able to meditate.

And it really did show me,

It's not the music,

It's not the sounds,

It's how I'm pushing back on them.

That's where the suffering is coming from.

And so I thought about this.

I thought,

Okay,

What was also helpful in this situation was that I knew ahead of time what the disturbance was going to be.

I did know it was going to be my thoughts about the music.

There wasn't a lot of,

There wasn't a big surprise there.

So it occurred to me that I could write down all of my most recurring thoughts and just having them on a piece of paper,

We know,

Kind of,

Not every single one,

But I called it my top ten playlist,

What are the most recurring thoughts that I'm having?

I thought about how much time I spent in my van being irritated about being interrupted when I was not being interrupted.

That I was just sitting there thinking,

I'm supposed to be having peace and quiet and meditating and living my little spiritual life in my van.

And the whole time,

Or a lot of the time,

I'm sitting in there pushing back on things that weren't even happening.

So,

Ooh,

That's top of the list,

Okay.

Getting interrupted when I'm not even getting interrupted.

Or maybe it would be a difficult person that I would be thinking about.

I'm like,

Oh,

Okay,

I'm thinking about them,

They're not even here.

Oh,

That goes on the list too,

Yeah,

The difficult person.

And then also,

Oh,

When I get to the next campground,

I'm going to find the quiet spot.

Or when I get enlightened and what that's going to mean.

So I'm putting down ahead of time the thoughts that I could,

At that time,

Kind of think,

What are the most recurring thoughts that I'm having?

And it was so helpful to have that written down,

To see them,

To know ahead of time,

It's not the interruption that's the problem,

It's my pushing back on it.

It's not the difficult person that's the problem,

It's my pushing back on them.

And also to even see,

In looking at that,

Oh,

Maybe I should do some loving-kindness meditation on them.

Because if it's on the list,

I'm clearly thinking about it.

And we can also add on the list,

Of course,

Unpleasant experiences as well,

But that are coming up still continuously in the form of thoughts,

Where we're maybe thinking about something that happened 5 months ago,

5 years ago,

20 years ago,

That we haven't let go of.

Ooh,

That goes on the list.

Something that did happen,

It was unpleasant,

But we haven't let it go.

And then it could be something we're in the arc of some uncertainty with our health,

With our job,

With someone that we love,

And it could be in that arc that we're resisting what's here,

We're resisting feeling what's here.

So we're putting down all of our experiences on there,

The chasing the pleasant,

The pushing back on the neutral,

And the pushing back on the unpleasant.

And what I found,

That was particularly helpful in there as well,

Was that I started to categorize them between thoughts of chasing and thoughts of resisting.

So I could see,

Where is my mind spending the most amount of time?

And I was quite surprised to see how much of my mind was resisting.

I wouldn't have expected that.

It was my resisting to what's happening.

And so in seeing that and understanding that,

Like,

Okay,

I can see this ahead of time,

I can see what's going on.

When those thoughts arose,

I could remember,

Like,

Oh,

That's on my top 10 playlist.

Oh,

Yeah,

I'm resisting or I'm chasing.

I'm thinking my happiness is in the next moment,

In the next retreat.

I'm thinking it's in the next,

You know,

Getting to the next campground and getting the quiet place.

Or,

Oh,

Here I am just resisting getting interrupted or something's going on that's not happening.

And I'm the one that's doing it.

And it really just gave a lot of.

.

.

It gave,

Like,

That space,

More space to not get lost so quickly because I had written it down.

I was clear ahead of time of what was going on.

And so I offer this as an exercise,

So some homework for this class to write down your top 10 playlist just to,

As many thoughts but no more than 10,

You know,

To kind of just get an idea of what are the most recurring thoughts that you're having that are taking you out of the present moment,

That are taking you away from the peace that we say we want that's most important.

What are these thoughts that keep taking us away?

And it's just for you to see.

You don't have to come and share what your thoughts are.

I know sometimes we can feel a little embarrassed about what our thoughts are.

But we shouldn't feel any embarrassment because whatever kind of thought you're having,

Whatever kind of feeling you're having normal human emotion,

Everyone's having them.

None of this is about judging ourselves,

Right?

But it is about bringing more awareness to the ways in which we keep taking ourselves out of the present moment,

How easily we get hooked in,

How easily we get lost and how easily we just take ourselves away from the peace that it is that we want.

So I encourage everyone to do their top 10 playlists.

And this does take us then to the unpleasant experiences and particularly if you had something on the list and you could see like and maybe it was something that happened a while back.

And we do need to do something with that because they're not going away,

Right?

The feelings aren't going away.

The resistance is not going away.

And it's almost as though the resistance like we hold more tightly in the resistance but we won't let the feelings in so we're kind of holding more tightly but like at arm's length,

Right?

I can't let go but I can't let the feelings in either.

And so I do understand that it's very scary for us to feel our feelings.

There's this fear that if I let my feelings in,

I'm going to be overwhelmed.

I'm going to be,

It's going to be too much.

I'm just going to be thrown over the edge if I let in what's here.

But you would be surprised just how much you can bear in the present moment.

In the present moment.

And so this is where we really have a lot of trust,

A lot of faith in our mindfulness practice and really helping us to come into what's here really helping to guide us.

And we can do this proactively if we see something on the list,

Something that we've been holding onto for a long time and say I need to set aside some time to do this.

To do the RAIN,

Using the RAIN acronym that we've been using to really go more deeply into our emotions and our feelings to really tend to what's here.

So we can do this proactively for things that are on the list and it's like man,

It's on the list it happened five years ago,

I haven't let it go.

So we can come into this proactively and of course absolutely when it's in the moment and it's happening and we realize we can't let go but we can't let it in either,

We're resisting feeling whatever it is that's here again.

Could be something we're kind of in the arc in our life of some uncertainty around our financial situation our job,

Around health,

Partners and just we can't all of a sudden that kind of oh my god,

I don't know what's going to happen and it comes on in this kind of wave,

This feeling and again the contraction is there,

The tightening oh,

I don't want to feel but I don't want to let go and because we're more aware that peace is not resisting,

We're like here it is,

Here's the resisting,

The unpleasant they're not going to go away if I don't let them in and so we trust our mindfulness practice and we recognize we use the R in RAIN recognize what's happening,

Oh here is the fear of feeling the grief,

Of the sadness of the betrayal,

Of the regret of the humiliation,

Of the uncertainty of the jealousy,

Of the resentment,

Of the envy it doesn't matter what it is we're all experiencing it you are not alone with any of these thoughts,

Feelings and emotions,

They are normal feelings and emotions but we do want to be able to recognize,

Ah okay here it is and then we allow the feelings to be here,

We open up to the feelings,

We accept the feelings and it's like okay let me breathe mindfully into what's here the contraction is there,

Maybe our heart is beating really fast our heart is quivering and if we can even,

As we're allowing the feelings,

Just say to ourselves can you bear this in this moment,

Can you bear this in this moment can we just stay with this in this moment doing our best to stay with the feelings in this moment so much of our fear and what overwhelms us is how am I going to handle this feeling in the next moment in 5 minutes from now,

In 10 minutes from now in 2 weeks from now not how will I feel it now,

How will I bear it now it's how will I bear it in the future so as best we can,

We really want to try to just stay with what's here stay with what's here,

It's okay to be with what's here you can bear almost anything in the present moment and this is where our practice takes this massive leap from practicing for comfort or are we practicing for freedom because we will always experience a certain amount of our lives 15,

20,

25% will be unpleasant might be some physical discomfort it might be some emotional discomfort we will experience it and if we believe that we can only feel comfort well then we're really limiting what this path is about and this path,

What's being taught here is freedom freedom to be with what's here so that the discomfort doesn't overwhelm us that we don't keep it at bay that we stuff it down,

We distract ourselves we numb ourselves and it's not going away it's just triggering us in all these different ways that is not freedom so we bear it in this moment,

The A of RAIN allowing the feelings to be here can I just stay with this in this moment that's enough to be with it in this moment and then we get to the I in RAIN,

Inquire and like we've been discussing through this series where we're never upset for the reason that we think there's always something else going on there but we could also just say what else is here?

What else is here besides my sadness at losing someone or having this big change in my life oh maybe some fear is here of how this is going to look in the future fear,

You're here too?

Come in fear,

Let me feel you too there's room for you here fear too so we're using the N,

The nurture as we inquire as well what else is here and we keep really opening to what else is here,

It's the fear there's a little bit of anxiety and there's a little bit of grief from the change in our lives or something that was lost or the disappointment by something that happened or the feeling,

Oh underneath that anger towards that person is a feeling like I don't belong or a little bit of unworthiness and oh sweetheart,

Your unworthiness,

You're here too oh let me bring some space to you too let me give you my attention as well and we can bring in as that nurturing as well we can allow the feelings to be here the fear,

The unworthiness,

The I don't belong I'm not enough we can allow them to be here and then we can also soothe them and say and sweetheart,

You're enough and sweetheart,

You belong and sweetheart,

You're okay in this moment so we really bring some caring,

Kind words and in this,

In what we're doing here as we nurture our feelings as we open to our feelings we're now taking compassion from a concept,

From an idea something we talk about in our Dharma talks and now it's our lived experience because compassion is meeting pain and suffering head on and compassion is the wisdom to not let it overwhelm us it overwhelms us when we go into the future with it when we stay present with it it doesn't overwhelm us so now we are living compassion we are coming to our experience our unpleasant feelings and emotions and we are coming with compassion with openness,

With kindness,

With care with nurture and allowing those feelings to settle back down and again and again because in the beginning we're resisting there's a lot of suffering in there when we're resisting it's uncomfortable as we open up to it suffering does start to lessen because we're opening up to it and as the resisting continues to soften and the compassion really comes in that we feel this sense of ah and even in this,

Wow I can feel the peace because I am no longer fighting back on my experience and there is so much wisdom and compassion in being with what's here and for all the things that we go chasing in the future that we say,

This is going to change my life this is going to transform who I am doing this practice with our unpleasant thoughts feelings and emotions this is what transforms us this is truly transformative being with what's here so being with the unpleasant as well not resisting the unpleasant they're not going away we'll even say to ourselves oh I'm no longer bothered by that person anymore like yeah I'm over that but now I'm bothered by that person we just keep transferring the same resistance,

Even similar situation from one person to the next we're not resolving the mind movement we're not resolving the habit we're not resolving the resistance and that's what we're trying to do here to see peace is not resisting in any situation it is not resisting so this mantra really helps to bring more awareness to all of the ways in which we're resisting and to remind us of all of the mindfulness tools that we have so that we can approach our experience skillfully with wisdom,

With compassion we're not changing the outside world but we're changing how we're relating to it and that is everything changing how we relate to the world and so I have one last area of resistance that I want us to look at that truly I find is one of the most detrimental ways in which we resist for having a path of peace for living a life of peace and that is how we resist our own lives not because there's anything horrible about our lives not because there's anything terribly wrong about our lives but just this kind of subtle way that we keep questioning is this it?

Is this really what it was supposed to be?

Is this enough?

I think their life looks better than my life just this very subtle way that we keep pushing back on our own lives and I do feel that a lot of the chasing for happiness outside of us happiness in the future,

Happiness in the next moment is really fueled by a lot of this just very subtle resisting of our lives,

Of what's here in this moment so the resisting,

Creating the restlessness and the chasing of something extraordinary outside of us then we keep just pushing back on what's here so I do find that a lot of this just very quiet resisting of our own lives really propels a lot of the chasing,

Really keeping us out of the present moment,

Keeping us lost looking for the peace somewhere other than where it really is and so I came across this story,

It's a Christian monastic story,

But I really I just like the story and I think it kind of applies the analogy is here so this young monk goes to find seek out the counsel of one of the elder monks and as he's talking to the elder monk he's telling him that he's really restless he's really unhappy here and he's doing all the things he's supposed to be doing,

He's praying,

He's meditating he's fasting,

He's following all the rules but he just can't feel God here and he's heard about this other monastery up the hill it's very quiet,

There's fewer monks and he's like,

You know,

I think I should go to that other monastery I think I'm going to find God there so the elder monk is listening and he's very compassionate and he's very kind he's really,

You know,

He's understanding what this young monk is going through and he just says to him just stay,

Just stay,

Just stay but the younger monk,

He just presses on and he's like I just,

I just am so unhappy here,

I'm so empty here I'm convinced I'm not going to find God here I'm going to find him somewhere else and so then the elder monk says to him but if you just stayed maybe you would find that God is already here if we would just stay if we would just stay with our lives stop thinking that our life is going to start next year when I get that next promotion,

When I get this next partner when I become enlightened you know,

Stop thinking that someone else's life is better than ours,

If I just had their life then I would be happy if we would just stop leaving and instead stay you might just find the peace that you're looking for because every time we are resisting we are looking away from what's here,

We are turning away we are looking in the wrong direction if we would just stay here you would find the peace that you are looking for and we don't have to do anything special to stay we just have to stop leaving we have to recognize every time we keep leaving in the form of is this all my life is?

My life is so meaningless my life is so boring my life is too quiet in any way that we are pushing back on our lives we are leaving and so in recognizing again you are not going to recognize the thoughts first you are going to recognize that contraction first and then you recognize the thoughts oh here it is,

The resisting of my life we want to bring more awareness to this we are doing this way too much of the time and so as we oh here is the contraction oh I'm thinking about their life is better than mine or my life is going to start next week,

Next month or when I get to such and such just fill in the blank my life is always going to be starting in the future but amazingly it's never really started because every time I get there I keep moving the goal and so every time we are pushing back we just keep moving the goal and so we recognize this is what we are doing and sometimes just like in those chasing moments or those neutral moments it's just enough to just that little bit,

Just kind of got a little lost in it for a moment it wasn't anything too sticky just a little kind of quiet pushing back habit of doing it and just some mindful breathing just breathing mindfully sometimes that can just be enough just to bring us here I can feel this,

I can be with this sometimes it's a little self-compassion oh sweetheart,

It's ok this is just a tough moment in life right now everyone has them,

You can be with it my life is ok,

Everyone has these tough moments so we can bring in a little self-compassion we might ask ourselves in that moment is this moment ok?

I'm resisting my life because maybe there's just nothing going on,

I'm bored we tend to think nothing going on means boring means negative and so we get lost in the story,

We feel the contraction oh here's the resisting,

Resisting my life breathing mindfully we can also just ask is this moment ok?

Just four little words,

Is this moment ok?

And now we start looking around and we start hearing the sounds and feeling the breath as we're breathing mindfully maybe feeling the warmth the sun or a fan or the heater and we're engaging directly with the world and then because now we're open to what's here we're looking outwards there's this sense of fullness in the world there's a sense of fullness that we are a part of this world that the world is alive,

We're alive,

We're all a part of this so all of this really giving this more enriching feeling this more like we're coming from the heart versus the head,

Feeling with the heart like oh my god,

I'm a part of this not separate from this and in that we stayed we stayed and we noticed oh the peace was here the peace was here,

It's always here,

It's not in someone else's life it's not in a different life,

It's not in anything different than what's here it's just accepting what's here it's not leaving what's here and opening our eyes and opening our heart to what's here and you will find again and again the peace when you stay you will find the peace so this doesn't mean that we can't want something in our lives that we may want to take a holiday that we may want to learn something new maybe you want to learn an instrument,

Maybe you want a companion it doesn't mean that we can't kind of want something in our lives as well but not to say that like oh okay I need to discard this life for what my life is going to be with this new person or with this new experience but that also just being a part of the life that we already have so not discarding the present for the future but saying like yes and this is a part of life too and it's okay and this moment's okay and we can recognize if we feel we need a greater sense we want more community or we want to do more service we feel like yeah I think I could also have a little more space for that in my life great,

Fantastic but not to resist the life that you have now and thinking that that's going to be a new life,

A new me because you'll never get that you are endlessly chasing a new life at the expense of the life that is here and as long as we are resisting the life that is here we will never know the peace that we are seeking we think the tragedy is that our lives were simple,

They were ordinary or that our lives are quiet we think that that's the tragedy the tragedy is that we don't live our lives that we spend most of our lives pushing back on them and this is the life we have this is the life that's here every time we are resisting it we are turning away from it we are turning away from the peace that we are seeking so we have a lot of areas that we are resisting in our lives the neutral moments the unpleasant moments the pushing back on our lives in the neutral moments and the unpleasant moments and to bring more awareness to all of this resistance using this mantra in the negation,

It's not negative when we are saying peace is not resisting we want to catch the mind as it's doing it you're still going to do it you're still going to do it this talk doesn't change that these habits are still going to play out and we really can't stop that first thought,

That first habit habitual response but it's through using the mantra in our meditation which we're going to do in a few minutes saying the mantra repeatedly in our meditation bringing more awareness to resisting is what's taking me away from the peace,

Resisting it's not the situation,

It's not the difficult person,

It's not the interruption it's not the loud noise it's not the internet's down it's not any of these things,

I'm resisting that's what's happening and it's happening up here in my head,

Doesn't mean we can't take actions in the external world,

But it's that war that we just keep pushing back and pushing back and pushing back and it's just creating a lot of self-created suffering for us so as we say the mantra that we're going to do in our meditation,

As we say the mantra peace is not resisting if any thoughts arise around things that you have resisted in the past things that you're resisting right now resisting maybe in the meditation and you'll always notice that contraction all of a sudden there's just a tightening and you breathe mindfully and the contraction starts to loosen and then we can just,

Oh yeah wow,

Because nothing's happening I'm just thinking about it and I'm resisting and we can really see as we're meditating,

As we're saying the mantra in a contemplative way,

Like wow that was evidence of the resisting,

The situation itself was neutral it was neutral,

Or something again and again that we have been trying to distract ourselves from feeling trying to push away and realizing maybe recognizing as you're saying the mantra peace is not resisting you start to realize things are kind of coming to the surface I'm resisting feeling something unpleasant and it's not going away and I really need to set aside some time to really be with that to really take the time to feel what's here to take the time and so in our meditation,

And Paula I'm going to hop to your question in a moment in the meditation the only difference this week well two differences,

We're going from peace is not chasing to peace is not resisting and it doesn't mean that we're not still looking for the chasing mind as well as we're going about our day,

Being mindful for the chasing mind but our meditation is going to have the mantra peace is not resisting and we're going to count the mantras on our hands,

So for a couple of you like Marian who are new we count the mantras on our hand,

We bring the top of our thumb and the top of our pinky together for the first count,

Then the middle,

Then the crease and then we go the top of the next finger,

The middle,

The crease the top of the next finger,

The middle,

The crease the top of the next finger,

The middle,

The crease we do traditionally,

The way I learned this was three counts there was someone in my class this morning and they were saying oh I'm a musician and it's normally four counts,

Do four counts there's nothing scientific about doing three counts or four counts but why we are doing the counting of the mantras is to bring in other regions of our brain particularly the motor cortex so that we're starting to bring in more networks that start to recognize the resisting because the resisting is happening,

It's happening it's happening all the time,

We're just completely just kind of under its spell and I think some of it's cultural because we see everyone resisting around us,

The same little things and it reaffirms like yes we should be resisting these things and so we want to recruit other parts of the brain so that we're really saying the mantra one full inhale and exhale for each mantra,

For each count we're allowing any thoughts of when we're resisting and again you will notice at some time you're resisting in your meditation you want the meditation to be over,

You want the bell to go oh this is taking too long,

Oh this is it right now and you breathe mindfully and you go the problem wasn't the meditation or whether the bell was taking too long to ring the problem was I was resisting and in the absence of the resisting I felt the peace we have to see where our mind is going we have to see what keeps taking us away from the present moment you don't need to find peace,

You don't need to chase peace you don't need to try and hold on to peace it is simply to see how your attention keeps leaving the peace that is always here,

Always available so you say the mantra we are going to increase the time on our meditation this week to 12 and a half minutes so we had 10 minutes,

We started with 5 minutes,

7 and a half 10 minutes,

Now we're at 12 and a half minutes one minute is our minimum let's try and get at least one minute in try and even just get to the mantras if you can but one minute is still honestly our minimum because we are more concerned with consistency right now versus quantity versus how much time we really want to get that consistency in and sometimes it's just we have too much going on,

We miss the morning meditation especially in the beginning when you're starting this practice but then you realize in the afternoon and you think oh I didn't do it,

But I can do one minute you can do almost anything for one minute and so just having that one minute allows you to get to the cushion usually by the time you've sat that one minute,

The bell goes and use your insight timer bell,

Don't use an alarm,

So use the interval for the one minute and then you can tack on another 9 minutes sorry,

11 and a half minutes to be the total meditation of 12 and a half but any time after that first bell is gone you can get up,

But generally speaking we tend to sit a little bit longer,

The hardest part is getting to the cushion,

So the one minute really really dissolves a lot of the resistance around meditating so we're going to increase the time,

We're going to start the same way,

Take a couple of deep breaths so just on your own,

Taking 3-4 deep breaths then we'll let the breath be natural and you'll just bring your attention to your breath at the tip of your nostrils just feeling the breath entering and exiting just feeling that little vibration as it comes in through your nose maybe feeling that the air is a little cooler as it enters a little warmer as it leaves just noticing the length of the breath not judging it,

Just being curious about the breath and we'll stay there for about 30 seconds and then we'll ask the 2 questions and Marian and for anyone else that's new in the meditation I'll give a little bit more context around the questions,

We'll let the questions go and then we'll bring in the mantra Peace is Not Resisting and we'll say maybe 4 full rounds,

12 counts of Peace is Not Resisting and then we'll let the mantra go for the last few minutes and just leave our attention just on the breath no more counting,

Just leaving our attention on the breath at that point okay?

I know that was a lot,

Sorry a lot of information here but the bottom line is that Peace is Not Resisting Peace is Not Resisting and I know there were some other questions and Victor and I do want to get to your question as well which I'm going to after the meditation,

I am just going to address Paul's question because it does I mean they both relate but this very much relates where you're asking what would be the difference between not resisting and then suppressing your feelings in a painful or comfortable feelings,

Emotions,

You feel like you've been suppressing your feelings about a situation,

It invariably comes back to haunt you in the form of physical ailments and so you're wondering what you're doing wrong just how you're describing it to me it comes back to haunt you if you think you're suppressing it,

You probably are suppressing it,

If you're asking the question you probably are and I appreciate your honesty with that or even your question saying I'm just not really sure and so using the RAIN acronym in mindfulness when we really come in and we feel what's here we allow the feelings to be here,

We nurture the feelings as you go through recognize,

Allow,

Inquire,

Nurture as you go through that sometimes it can be 5 minutes,

Sometimes it might be 8 or 9 minutes 10 minutes,

15 minutes,

Depending upon what it is that's going on but there is a sense of ease and opening throughout the process so if we're closing throughout the process we're suppressing again,

If we're opening throughout the process if we're feeling just a little bit lighter relatively speaking we know we're opening to it and yes,

Because Alice,

Suppressing is a form of resistance,

Distracting ourselves,

Numbing ourselves these are all forms of resistance and so we know when we're suppressing,

When we're distracting when we're numbing,

It just comes back and bites us in another way,

It always does it doesn't go away,

It just keeps coming back but when we're coming to what's here,

We're noticing the risk resisting and we're really feeling in the body what's here and even feeling where you're saying coming back and haunting you in physical ailments so then we don't look at that as the punishment it's that,

Okay,

That's here too let me breathe into the discomfort,

Let me feel it let me be with it in this moment and as we're here with the unpleasant experience,

The unpleasant memory the resistance there should at some point feel a sense of relaxing,

A sense of ease it may not feel pleasant it may not feel pleasant if it's something really deep a deep wound it can feel a little scary even being with that or even with the pain I had a esophageal spasm the other night and oh my god,

I thought I was having a heart attack until I realized,

It's not my heart,

It's my esophagus and the pain was just shooting out and I mean,

It was just and you know,

Kind of just paralyzed me for a moment and I thought,

Just stay here I did reach for my phone because I thought if I need to call someone if I'm having a heart attack,

And then I realized,

It's not a heart attack so,

Doesn't mean that we don't take action but I had my phone nearby and unfortunately I could just reach it because I couldn't actually get up out of bed,

Anytime I moved up a little bit the pain just kept shooting out,

So I just stayed with what was here stayed with what was the pain in this moment what was here,

It was unpleasant it was incredibly unpleasant but I could bear it in this moment and even in that shooting pain,

There was a beginning,

A middle and an end even the intensity,

It just softened a little bit enough just for me to be able to breathe and enough to be able to recognize,

This is not my heart,

It's my esophagus and it was just a few moments before I was thinking I take these really big magnesium pills before I go to bed it was just a few minutes before I thought,

I should get up and get some water I feel like one of those pills hasn't quite gone down and I was like,

Oh my gosh and it hit me,

So I was like,

Okay,

I know,

This isn't a heart attack but I could just be with it the intensity would come and go and I could bear it in this moment and there was a sense of release even as the pain was shooting,

There was a sense of of not adding more pressure on I didn't need to add any more pressure on and so,

Paula that you're asking the question you're opening to ask the question brilliant,

Fantastic,

You're open enough to even say am I doing this and so as you do as you're mindful with the feelings the physical feelings,

The emotional feelings with it using the RAIN acronym,

Being with what's here in this moment can I just bear this in this moment you'll notice if there's a loosening that's starting to happen there's a loosening,

And there is this feeling of freedom in being with the comfort excuse me,

Being with the discomfort not even saying I need to feel comfort to be okay there's a freedom in that there's definitely a different tone there's an openness to it it's still unpleasant,

It's still uncomfortable but your mind is no longer resisting you definitely notice there's a difference there yes,

Sandy,

As you're saying when the Buddha closes his eyes to go inward to be with what's here so being really mindful Paula,

Of those times when you're pushing back when you're resisting here it is,

Oh here's the resisting recognize what's happening,

Allow the feelings inquire,

Nurture,

And see how that goes see how that goes,

All of these practices are for us to use them they're to be used and to if you can to just have some trust in the process the trust in the process it's not necessarily always going to feel in fact at times it will be unpleasant and yet when the mind opens to what's here it stops pushing back even in the unpleasant sensations the unpleasant physical sensations,

The unpleasant emotions when the mind is open to it there is a sense of ease in the fact that we're not pushing back and Victor,

I am just going to look at your question real quick and then we really are going to do the meditation and I'll get to the other questions in how to help people with the resistance towards death and dying because that's a beautiful question I don't know if that's an area that you work in in the field and there's probably a lot of people that really like I know there's some Buddhist groups that work in hospice and they really specialize in these things but I would just offer my own little two senses we can't and in fact why this question kind of struck me our seeing our resistance it's about seeing our resistance not others and stopping and trying to get others to stop resisting because everyone is walking their own path and so just in their general experience just you know kind of someone's resisting the red light or oh my god this line was such a nightmare oh you're resisting let me tell you about resisting that's not what we're doing here this is not a proselytizing path notice our resisting notice our resisting to it oh they shouldn't be resisting we're resisting and so you know we want to bring in some wisdom and compassion and just on kind of that simpler note that kind of everyday moment someone's resisting something and they're telling you about it and we don't want to feed into their story but we do want to recognize how they're feeling in that moment like yeah that was probably tough and I'm so sorry that happened to you and acknowledge just how they're feeling because I think at least personally I think there's a lot more wisdom and compassion in acknowledging people's experience you know not to try and change them I mean if they ask you about it of course then you can talk about it but you know most people when they're in a resisting state do not want to be told that they're resisting and they're just they're resisting they're not going to be open to it and it's just going to be frustrating and when it comes to people that are resisting dying I think as well we have to honor where they are and to really you know not try to again not try to proselytize them about what they're doing and you shouldn't fear the death but just to acknowledge what are you fearing here like let's talk about it it's okay to feel the fear what's going on fear is a form of resistance and maybe we just find a way in there of just acknowledging not to get them to lose their fear of dying their resistance of dying but just to meet them where they are yeah and then again I'm sure there are some other Sandy you always have like someone who specializes in something I'm sure there are I'm trying yeah I'm sure there's some people that could even talk more about that that work like in the hospice industry that have more insights into that but just through my own experience and with my own mother dying last year and her she really had a lot of resistance to it and it was really a lot of my Buddhist practice that just helped me to as best I could wasn't perfect by any stretch but as best I could try and navigate that with her she had a different view of reality in the world than I do and just to try and be there for her as best I could but also to acknowledge I made you know it's I think also another you know in resisting like we kind of then oh I should have done it differently I should have said this I should have done that and it's like yeah you're human like let's allow ourselves to be human to do our best and not then resist because oh I was trying to help someone not resist and I didn't do it right and yeah your intentions in the right place so I'll just offer that Victor I hope that helps a little bit so hi Chris good to see you and D oh Chris from Hood River thank you Julie thank you so much for letting D know where to find the tracks and hello Mary I have seen you going across here it's so good to see you there Mary Leon and I also saw both Michelle's and a couple other familiar avatars so why don't we if it's okay let's do a twelve and a half minute meditation using our mantra and then I'll go back to some of the other questions and make sure that we get everything addressed and in fact what I'm going to do um I'm going to try and do because you know what happens is I always I can't go back and because Victor I saw you have something here I'm going to do some screenshots because Nietzsche I saw you had a question as well hopefully I can go back hopefully I can pull up the screenshots without disconnecting us here so we'll see um okay but let's go ahead and meditate so it's like 113 13 now so we'll meditate to it's 12 and a half minutes 25 126 okay and for anyone that's new I'll kind of talk us along as well in the meditation so I'll talk a little bit in guiding us okay I'm Michelle good to see you okay so let's just close our eyes and just notice if you need to make any adjustments in your body even just making a little bit of movement we've been sitting for a while now so if you want to make a little bit of movement make sure you're comfortable make sure your back is straight and we'll take a few deep breaths in and out through the nose so just going at your own pace taking big inhales filling up and long slow exhales and at the end of your next exhale allow your breath to be natural allowing it to flow at its own rhythm,

Its own pace and just feeling the breath as it enters and exits through your nose and ask yourself what is it that you want more than anything else in the world for yourself so when we ask this question we're pointing inwards to try and know what it is that we most intrinsically want to feel it might be something like peace contentment satisfaction connection,

Belonging but whatever our answer is we do not want it in any way to be dependent upon the external world it's an internal state so just find a word that really speaks to you of what it is you most want and now ask yourself what could you do more of or less of that could move you closer to what it is you most want and when we ask this question we're not concerned with whether we want to do something more or whether we're ready to do less of something we're simply identifying what it is we might do where we're spending our time where we're putting our attention and just being honest with ourselves about what it is we might do and now let that fade away and we'll bring in the mantra so bringing the top of your thumb to the top of your pinky breathe and as you silently say peace is not resisting one full inhale and exhale for each mantra for each count peace is not resisting peace is not resisting if any thoughts arise related to resisting it's okay to entertain those if any thoughts unrelated to the mantra arise just notice that your attention has wandered from the topic and in that noticing just gently falling back into the breath,

The mantra,

The counting and now let the mantra go let the counting go and just allow your attention to gently rest on the flow and the rhythm of your breath and as we begin to come out of the meditation keeping your eyes closed take a big inhale lift your arms over your head big stretch at the top and as you exhale gently lower your arms and slowly open your eyes okay so that is peace is not resisting when we repeat it and we probably did 36,

40 times that you've said this over and over in the meditation,

Doing it with the counting it really does just imprint it into the foreground of our minds it helps us to be more mindful of the resisting mind the resisting that is taking us away from this moment and it's also still the chasing and we'll have the three other mantras coming up as well but to see what we want to see is these mind movements that keep taking us away and first of all Lori and Julie and Dee thank you all so so much and Kathy as you put it too it's not resisting the fear that's exactly right Kathy peace is not resisting the fear if fear is here you can be here too and you can breathe mindfully into fear and you can bring your kindness and your comfort to fear that's not distracting,

It's not suppressing you're allowing the fear in whatever is here wants to come in it wants to be felt but we resist it and we just keep it at arm's length we hold on but we won't let go because we won't let it in and it's okay to feel fear again none of this is about judging ourselves it's not about oh I should only feel this and I shouldn't feel that or it's not about I shouldn't make a mistake oh I had this moment and I was pushing back on something and I said something like we're all going to do it we're all going to do it if we need to apologize then we should apologize but to notice that resisting in our mind I'm such an idiot I can't believe I said that how can I stop myself from ever putting my foot in my mouth well then maybe by never speaking and that's not wise we don't want to say well then I'm never going to be around people it's about recognizing the amount of time that we talk something eventually is going to come out that wasn't as eloquent as we would have liked I'll put it just as nicely as I can there and it's not to beat ourselves up about it but to recognize the resisting even there's some comfort,

Sweetheart not your best moment but I really didn't hurt anyone maybe there's nothing to say nothing to do but I can let go of the resisting and I can bring them some comfort and I can feel the contraction and I can keep breathing into that being mindful with what's here breathing and allowing it to be here and thank you Cindy and Alice and Ruth oh my gosh thank you so much thank you all so much for the donations and Sandy you were saying you heard about a study that showed that both prayer and meditation have the same physiological effects there you go,

Yeah I could see that I could see that I always liked there's this saying that in prayer in prayer is when we talk to God and in meditation is when God talks to us and we can just use however you take the word God I know a lot of people have resistance to the word God I used to have a lot of resistance to it to me it's just the religious term for awareness,

For presence universal consciousness whatever you want to call it it's just the you know it's yeah it's just the religious term and love thank you Kathy it can also just be the word for universal love and Dina Joy thank you,

Thank you so much Dina Joy oh and Aviva good to see you're here and thank you so much thank you all so much for the donations yeah and Christina Grace the mind it can be incredibly powerful,

Yeah it can also be incredibly painful when it's kind of let loose actually Julie okay you heard it like that prayer is asking,

Meditation is receiving oh and Alice I didn't realize that the word God didn't come into use until the 1300s I'm actually reading a book right now called The Rules,

The Benedictine Rules and I'm just finding it very interesting I find the Benedictine monks very interesting and nuns and you know we can learn right I mean where they might use different language there's actually a lot of overlap with Buddhism in fact in this book because it's a commentary on the rules of Benedictine and she'll bring in the Tao Te Ching or just kind of other things kind of other references to keep kind of bringing a more modern day approach to it and I find it very very interesting to sometimes use the different examples just the different language that they'll use and sometimes it's just all getting these deeper truths right it's all about having these deeper truths just letting the penny drop and sometimes hearing it from a different tradition can be very helpful so thank you Tracy thank you for the donation and thank you Sandy and I thank you always because I know you always send the donations in another way and thank you,

Thank you so much okay so I'm going to see if I can get back to Victor okay okay Victor I'm going to have to go to I'm going to see if I can go to the screenshots okay without losing everyone here because you had yeah you said you have experience with resistance to the connection with others in groups or you are experiencing resistance to connection with others in groups maybe that's what you were meaning and notice that notice how the resistance is stopping the connection in the group even just in a situation where we feel a little bit uncomfortable and then we're kind of resisting it and in the moment that we even just acknowledge like it's okay it's okay to feel a little bit a little bit of uncertainty a little bit of anxiety around a group right especially maybe it's a group we're not familiar with people and it's okay to feel that and in feeling that and just feeling maybe a little bit of the discomfort in the group in acknowledging that right notice how in the softening as the resistance goes away the connection is there it's our resistance even if we're having like a you know in some situation again it's kind of just a little bit awkward for whatever reason for whatever reason it's just a little bit awkward and we acknowledge the awkwardness we acknowledge that yeah I just feel a little awkward around this like okay don't resist the awkwardness just feel it okay breathe mindfully into it don't try and push it away it's okay and even as that awkwardness starts to dissolve you know the resistance starts to dissolve there may still be a little feeling of awkwardness but all of a sudden we're kind of open to what's here and so much of the awkwardness is the story that we're telling ourselves about it we're no longer in the head we're in the heart and it's like okay this actually yeah I can still even feel somewhat awkward but feel okay but I can feel okay oh and Dina Joy it was this time yeah in 2022 when we walked on the beach and that's a great book Stephanie yeah that's a great one okay I want to get back to Nietzsche oh Brooke also we were saying also not meeting expectations I think where I was talking about life yeah when we're resisting life not meeting expectations like we have this expectation of what our lives are supposed to be like and miss the life that we actually have yeah great point Brooke I'm sorry I didn't see that when I was giving the talk because that would have been a great addition there and Nietzsche where you're saying and what if the noise is really triggering your nervous system for example in the night so even that and you know I live down here in Mexico and Mexico is a different culture they like to have big parties and I live you know out I'm kind of you can see you don't see any other houses I have neighbors but they're not particularly close and then when they have a party like that party could be it could be a mile away and it's something about the way the acoustics and the wind here too like it just can be blaring in here and they'll party till 6am like 8am I'll wake up in the morning I didn't hear it during the night and then it's like oh my god I walk outside and there's this huge party and it is the culture here and so while it might feel a bit jarring to the nervous system I would tell you what's more jarring is the resistance to it is the resistance right so breathing mindfully it is it's a sound it may not be our favorite sound it's probably not what they do in those torture things you know those horrible horrible sounds but it's a sound it's not a pleasant sound I get that if you have a fan and I do have a big turbo fan to put on here for those nights I'll put it on sometimes the party is so loud even that can't stop the music so what are our options in that point what are our options in that point the music's playing it's night breathe mindfully be here with what's here and the nervous system accepting even the anxiety that the nervous system is feeling being with what's here it's ok it's ok to be here with this can I bear it in this moment can I bear it in this moment because again the fear is usually how am I going to bear this in 5 minutes or what if I'm not going to be able to fall asleep what's this going to mean for tomorrow I do want to acknowledge Barbara my gosh thank you so much for that donation thank you so so much and even just last night and I do find every 5 or 6 weeks I have a night that I don't have a great night's sleep and this really happened I think for most women we reach a certain age certain period in our lives and just our sleep isn't as good as it was when we were young and last night it was one of those nights I'd fallen asleep and then I'd gotten up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom and come back and I was like oh I'm not falling asleep and all I did in that moment I recognized what was happening ok just not falling asleep that's all that's happening I could tell myself a story I've got two classes to teach tomorrow I'm not going to be able to think clearly and I'm going to be a wreck I could resist it and tell myself a story or I could just breathe mindfully and that's what I did I breathed mindfully and then I fell asleep and then because I woke up a little later and I was like oh I fell asleep because I remembered what I was dreaming about oh I must have fallen asleep but then I just couldn't sleep again until the alarm actually went off and I just thought ok I'm just going to keep breathing mindfully just keep breathing mindfully and then when the alarm was like time to get up there wasn't all this oh my god this is a nightmare I didn't get as much sleep I didn't look at the clock once don't ever look at the clock I didn't resist it and I've done this for several years now where I'm just like ok I'm going to meditate what's the worst then ok I meditate ok I meditated for 6 hours last night great great I was lying in bed all my puppies were around me I was warm it was no problem if you meditate right and your mind's not getting worked up about it more than likely in fact more than likely always fall back asleep it was just the second time I got up was probably now that I'm thinking about it it was probably about 45 minutes before I was getting up and so I just didn't have enough time to fall back asleep so even then even when our nervous system is kind of oh we don't want to make it worse we don't want to put more pressure on it we don't want to make an unpleasant situation amp up our nervous system our stress our distress our dis-ease by resisting it it's like ok what can I do breathe I'm telling you the story is way more painful than actually what's happening the story is way more painful so and thank you Victor and thank you Brooke thank you so much and Julie it's at 9 9 o'clock ok so I hope that helps Nealchi I hope that helped to understand um oh and Sandy just seeing your comment that you've tried to think your way out of a lot of problems and you've just self compassion yeah self compassion yeah so powerful most of the time there's nothing to do but every now and then there's something to do every now and then sure there might be something to do but we also do it not from a place of distress and not from a place of oh my god I'm going to lose my mind if this doesn't change but just like yeah I can ask something sure they may not do it they may not do it ok I think I'm just going to go to one of the other screenshots to make sure um oh Abigail you had a question hang on because I can see Alice responding and thank you Alice for responding to that but I think I hang on let me see if I can pull up on this screenshot oh Abigail when I was doing the screenshots I didn't see what your actual question was would you mind re let me just see I did 3 screenshots I haven't lost you guys yet um oh I just got the top of your name there yeah Abigail if you want to recopy and paste that I'm happy to take a look at that question um ok and then um let's see and again Julie thank you for helping out D and Alice thank you for helping as well ok ok oh I might have come to the end oh no Kinsey ok oh and Brooke thank you that's so nice so Kinsey you're saying allergies began to surface during the meditation and it was a beautiful and funny practice in allowing and noticing the resistance oh I'm so glad to hear that thanks for sharing that yeah like just in the meditation something's happening our nose is running you know we're coughing and then because we have this idea in our meditation no it's supposed to be something right oh no it's supposed to be like this and it's like well that's happening the allergies are happening the coughing is happening the runny nose is happening right it's like that's oh I've got to go to the bathroom that's happening I've got to get up and leave the meditation um right it's about seeing also uh and I think Brooke it was your comment about the expectations like just this this expectation that we have about um like how everything's supposed to go and this resistance that we keep adding when it doesn't go exactly as planned life doesn't always go exactly as planned sometimes there's another plan and for us to see the resistance right that's not helping but if you've got allergies and you're like you're saying it was funny whenever we're laughing whenever we are laughing Kinsey everyone whenever we are laughing we are getting it we are getting the joke we're getting it we're in on it now the joke's no longer on us we're getting it and it's just you know like that's life this is what's happening yeah be with what's happening yeah okay and Abigail you were saying you were just wondering when you feel your feelings you go down a rabbit hole and get frozen um and I know you are going on I know you are dealing with a lot I know you are dealing with a lot of things um and and so maybe proactively again you can as you're filling out the top 10 playlist of the thoughts the worries about the health right the fears that are there you don't have to wait for them to come on you can sit proactively when you're not when before our nervous system escalates before uh everything before the fear escalates too much so we can do it proactively and sit down and start working with being with our feelings just working with being with what's here and just doing our best and maybe not starting proactively with the most intense emotion but just you know something that's kind of there you know it's got a little bit of teeth to it but not too many teeth right and like okay well let me just work with this for a bit let me just work with this let me just be with these feelings okay let me just be with what's here and just practice right just practice being and can I bear it in this moment can I bear what's here in this moment and really as you're coming into your feelings right as we're breathing mindfully we're feeling what's here you can you can become really curious as you move through your body like oh I can feel my heart beating really fast and we're not pushing back on that we're just oh yeah I can feel it yeah there it is okay breathe a little space there let me move a little lower and oh I can feel a little tension in the diaphragm or down in my belly and wow what's that feel like what's the shape of that wow is it sharp is it dull like really kind of get really granular about these physical sensations right bringing a sense of curiosity you won't you know as you bring that curiosity to what it is that you're feeling opening to what you're feeling you're getting further and further away from the story of feeling of even just the story of I fear feeling my feelings the story that is causing the freezing not the being with the feelings so just just practicing being patient with yourself being kind to yourself beginning again beginning again beginning again and even just working with with all these little moments all these little neutral moments these just these little things that we you know those little frustrations those little disappointments every time we're able to breathe mindfully and feel what's here right we're getting more comfortable feeling our feelings it's a very for most of us and particularly I would say in the West for most of us this is a very new experience feeling our feelings we are not used to feeling our feelings we are used to distracting ourselves suppressing them numbing ourselves doing anything running away from them doing anything but feeling them that has really been our our M.

O.

When it comes to being with our feelings so this is a very different practice and and while the instructions and I hope that they're coming across at least clearly and somewhat hopefully sound hopefully somewhat simple in there in that there's a simplicity sorry simplicity to them you know there is still a lot of resistance to feeling them so even though as we're trying it's like oh you know there's still that resistance there and so a lot of a lot of self-compassion really cuts through that oh sweetheart this is hard right petting ourselves this is hard to feel this yeah it is hard yeah it is not used to this yes okay there's a little softening in recognizing this is hard yeah this is hard yeah just do your best do your best let's just let's stay with what's here in this moment let's just do our best and the oh my doing it right oh that's just another thought distracting us just doing my best we're doing our best just stay here and and we start to get better at it anything that we start out in the beginning is difficult it feels so foreign and it's like I don't really know what I'm doing I mean just meditating right we were like I don't really know what I'm doing and so you know anything takes time anything that we're learning to do takes time and this is a real you know we have been escaping and running from our feelings for most of our lives this is something we have not wanted to come towards and as you're saying Michelle and hi and so very very accurately yeah then we think some feelings are bad and I shouldn't feel this feeling this is a bad feeling you know every feeling deserves our attention deserves our openness deserves our kindness our care our compassion whatever feeling you're having everyone is having the whole you whatever emotion whatever thought whatever feeling that you are having is a normal part of the human experience part of the resisting on feeling it is this kind of way that we go oh no this something wrong with me you know I shouldn't you know you don't have to go and post on Facebook what the feeling was right but it's just enough for you to acknowledge it and just go yeah and this too and I can be with this too I can be with the feeling of envy I can be with the feeling of jealousy I can be with the feeling of unworthiness in this moment in this moment and bringing in self compassion nurturing as best we can with it and I said this I think the other week in class just like me millions of people around the world are feeling shame just like me millions of people around the world are feeling guilt or feeling humiliated or feeling unworthy or feeling jealous or feeling envious whatever it is fill in the blank millions of people around the world are feeling that and when we acknowledge it in that way it's like yeah this is a normal human emotion and this too I can turn towards this this is what's here this is what needs tending and so just being really patient with yourself Abigail just being as best you can as patient with yourself as kind to yourself begin again and this is for everyone be patient the thoughts the resisting they're still going to come they're still going to come they don't change because of this class what changes is the mindfulness comes in a little more quickly oh we're so believing the story that my problem is out there we are so used to believing that but now we're more mindful of that resisting mind movement oh no there's the resisting and in the noticing that we're kind of pulled back from our experience right we're like ah and the mindfulness is naturally there and then we know what to do right and then sometimes we get pulled a little bit more down the rabbit hole right and it's just okay begin again begin again begin again always with kindness begin again is not for if we need it it's when we need it we all we all begin again everyone begins again it's built into the practice okay and yeah and just Michelle yeah there's there's lessons this is where we grow in all of these in these in being with our unpleasant feelings and emotions right we're we're not practicing for comfort anymore we're practicing for freedom huge lesson there how much of our practice I have a talk on that on insight timer how much of our practice do we really do for comfort should be for freedom and it's also about taking compassion from a concept to being a lived experience to meeting our pain head on in this moment in this moment in this moment without judgment without pushing it away but opening to it so yes the lessons are incredibly deep here the wisdom is incredibly deep here yeah thank you for bringing that up Michelle and yeah Marion as you're saying our brains learn you know sometimes through the process of struggle yeah yeah as well I agree I would agree yeah I think so I think so yeah yeah yeah and Alice you're saying you used to think feeling your feelings was sitting and thinking about them instead of going in your body and feeling the sensations yeah and yeah now you know and Sandy 100% if you're thinking you should be a specific way that is the cultural programming right if I should be a certain way I shouldn't be the way I am you are each of us is the way we are it doesn't mean that we can't improve upon certain things but we are who we are you know we don't want to resist who we are resisting our lives is really I find is a lot of resisting who we are yeah and I think we'll probably talk about that a little bit more directly in the comparing class yeah okay I think I got into all the questions Neal Chi I think was it you that I wasn't able to or no there was someone that oh no Abigail and you were able to repost it right okay so I think that was all the questions we got to and we are coming up to about two hours so probably a good time for us to close here so just to remember this week we're using the mantra peace is not resisting so that's in our formal meditation peace is not resisting you can be saying it outside the meditation as well when you're standing in line you're at a traffic light peace is not resisting right just further just further you know imprinting this wisdom in our minds so it's more at the forefront so we catch it so we're more mindful we're more aware of what's happening in our experience and let's go up to 12 and a half minutes minimum one always minimum one but then we'll go to 12 and a half if we can and always the same way and I put the instructions in the group page on my teacher's page from last week kind of just deep breaths come to the nose ask the questions and bringing in the mantra and of course noticing as well noticing as well the chasing as well right we're not forgetting the chasing mind either these are the two main mind movements as we go through the mantras we're going to be coming to comparing judging and narrating those are the next three and so we're still mindful of those others and comparing and judging and narrating really fall under the chasing and resisting so just being more mindful really using our mindfulness practices and do write out your top 10 playlist take a look and be willing to add to the list like sometimes something catches us off guard and then we go oh wow oh yeah that one number one going to number one with a bullet you shouldn't be doing that right go write it down it just you know kind of writing it down putting it on the paper looking at it really gives us that little bit of spaciousness to be aware of what's happening so that then the mindfulness is there and then the practice is there so just do your best just do your best in each moment be kind be patient with yourself begin again and of course we'll be here again next Sunday and we'll continue on we'll move on to the next mantra as well so thank you all thank you all so so much thank all of you I really appreciate so much all the donations thank you and I'll see you next Sunday and so until then peace is not resisting peace is not resisting