Begin Again And Self-Forgiveness

A critical part of our practice is to remember, that no matter what just happened, no matter how many days in a row we forgot to meditate, or how many mindless moments we had - Begin Again. With a clean slate, no judgment, just begin again. That is how we come back to the path, always remembering to Begin Again.

Transcript

On our spiritual path,

We probably are all pretty clear that it is not a linear path.

That there's a lot of back steps,

A lot of back sliding,

Some side steps,

Some loops,

Right?

That it's not this continuous path that we're on the path,

We're meditating,

We're coming to Dharma talks,

And then we fall off the path.

And it's really very normal for this to happen,

Particularly in the beginning of our practice.

Even the first few years,

There's a lot of,

You're kind of in it,

You're all gung-ho,

And then family comes and visits,

Or you're traveling somewhere,

You're sick,

And something happens,

And your practice kind of backslides a little bit.

And so it is really important on the gradual path that we are on here,

The gradual path,

That we practice and remember the teaching of begin again.

Begin again,

Because every time we begin again,

We are back on the path.

And beginning again is really built in to our path,

That every time we do fall off our meditation practice,

Like no problem,

Just begin again,

Right?

No beating ourselves up because we weren't meditating for a few days,

Or a few weeks,

A few months,

No beating ourselves up,

There's no benefit in that.

Just begin again,

Clean slate,

Right?

Or we haven't come to a Dharma talk for a while,

Like no beating ourselves up for that,

Right?

You're not going to get any beating up from me for that,

Right?

Just no problem,

Begin again,

Clean slate,

Begin again.

And for all of those moments,

Those many,

Many moments throughout the day when we get lost in our thoughts,

We're not as mindful as we would like to be,

We're a little mindless in that moment,

We're comparing our lives to someone else,

Or we're judging someone,

We're judging ourselves,

We're chasing happiness over there,

We're pushing back on something,

We're in some way kind of lost in our thoughts and not present.

And again,

Just begin again.

Like the moment we recognize,

Ah,

Yes,

This is what's happening,

Begin again.

And a few minutes later,

When we go right back up into our thoughts,

Begin again,

Begin again.

Every time beginning again,

Coming back with that clean slate,

Without judging ourselves for having gotten lost,

Right?

Because we,

We judge ourselves,

Right?

We were,

Maybe we were judging ourselves.

And then we recognize we're judging ourselves.

And then we're judging ourselves for judging ourselves.

And that's not beginning again,

That's staying lost in the thoughts that's staying lost in the story.

So we're kind of punching ourselves from all sides there.

Begin again,

Is no judgment.

It's,

It's a new moment,

It's a fresh start,

It's anything that was happening in the past,

It's done,

It's over with.

I mean,

If we,

In our mindless moment,

Of course,

If we had spoken unkindly to someone,

If we were short with someone,

Of course,

We go and apologize,

And we go and say what we need to do.

But before we even do that,

Before we go and clean up the mess,

We begin again.

We have to have that mindset of just beginning again,

Not beating ourselves up,

Because we lost it.

And most of the time,

We're not really losing it in a,

In a way that we're weaponizing our words.

Most of the time,

We're just losing it in our own thoughts.

We're the only casualty in there.

So it really is just begin again.

It's over with,

It's done.

We don't have to drag it forward with us.

And I think,

As spiritual practitioners,

We can be even harder on ourselves with this practice,

Because with the spiritual practice,

Because while most of the world is walking,

All of the world,

Is walking around judging and comparing and chasing and resisting and having ill will and worrying and doubting and all of those things that we are doing too,

We have this almost,

Because we've had the teachings,

The wisdom teachings,

To put a framework around this,

To understand the suffering that it's causing us.

I mean,

It's causing everyone's suffering,

Of course.

But because we have this intellectual understanding that,

Yeah,

This judging myself,

This comparing myself to someone else,

Like it's causing me suffering,

We then have this additional layer of judging ourselves harshly,

Because we were judging or comparing or worrying or fretting,

Because we're spiritual practitioners.

We shouldn't make mistakes,

We shouldn't screw up,

I shouldn't have a mindless moment,

My god.

It's like,

No,

Of course you're going to,

We're all human,

We are all human.

And we are still going to do these things.

It's not that,

I mean,

Of course,

Intellectually,

We know better,

But we don't really know better.

In our hearts,

That's what the practice is doing for us.

That's what we're trying to do is to take these wisdom teachings from an intellectual understanding down into a place of knowing.

And so it's really important for us to embrace the mistakes that we make,

The failures,

The setbacks,

The screw ups,

The saying the wrong thing,

To the mindless moments,

Right,

To embrace and change our relationship to these things,

Because they are going to happen.

Without a doubt,

In the next two hours,

Everyone here will have a mindless moment,

Right?

And so it's not the problem isn't that,

That we had a mindless moment,

Right?

What matters is how we change our relationship and how we come back,

That we begin again.

And again,

We're constantly beginning again.

And I think that one of the challenges that we have in beginning again,

Is a lot of the times,

It's so,

You know,

We're so hard on ourselves,

And we feel so badly about having those unkind thoughts,

Or something that we've done in the past that was,

Was unkind.

And we've all we've all done shit.

Like everyone's done stuff,

Like we've all got stuff in our past that we regret.

And,

And even though we know,

We would not have done anything differently,

Right?

If we could,

Of course,

Change it,

We would.

But we all wish,

Of course,

That yeah,

We hadn't done some of the things that we've done.

And what's important is that we learn how to forgive ourselves for those things.

Because in beginning again,

As I said,

Sometimes it's just,

We're doing the dishes,

And we can notice our mind just chasing on to the next thing,

You're driving somewhere,

And you notice your mind just already at the store.

And it's kind of a little thing,

Just I'll begin again,

Just begin again,

You come back,

It's pretty easy,

It's pretty non,

Feels kind of non personal.

And so,

You know,

Little things like that,

It's kind of easy to just bring yourself back.

But sometimes when it's a little more,

One of those things where the way we see ourselves,

I screwed up,

I made a mistake,

I offended somebody,

I did something unkind in the past,

It can be really hard to just say,

Begin again.

Right?

It can be really hard to say that.

And so I think forgiveness,

Self forgiveness is also a part of beginning again,

I think the two are really synonymous.

Again,

Even just in the judging and comparing ourselves,

Like forgiving ourselves for it's okay,

We're human,

We are human,

And we're allowed to be human.

And,

And the more that we can practice forgiveness,

Forgiving ourselves for the screw ups,

For the mistakes,

For the mindless moments,

The more we are able to begin again,

The more easily we can begin again.

There is not a chance of awakening without self forgiveness.

Without forgiving ourselves,

We've got to let go of the stuff and be able to begin again with a clean slate.

We carry around all of our past transgressions.

Right?

We just carry them around from one place to the next.

They're not helping us.

They're not benefiting us.

They're holding us back.

They're stopping us from beginning again.

So if you notice,

Of course,

As we're practicing begin again,

If it's little things,

Again,

Just your mind's just gotten a little ahead of itself,

And you just you notice it,

Ah,

Begin again,

Back,

No problem.

If it's something a little bit,

A little bit more sticky.

And it's something that feels a little bit more like no,

No,

No,

It's something I did wrong,

Something I feel badly about.

And again,

Of course,

We apologize.

If there's if there's an opportunity to apologize,

If there's something to be done,

Of course,

We do it.

99 times out of 100,

There's nothing to do just to begin again,

To begin again.

And so recognizing what's stopping us from beginning again,

That that that judging of ourselves,

And where we need the forgiveness.

And so to bring in the practice there where we've done this before,

Placing our hands on our heart and just saying the words over and over and over,

I forgive,

I forgive,

I forgive,

I forgive,

I forgive.

Say it 50 times,

Say it 100,

Say it a thousand times,

It's better than the other stuff you're saying to yourself,

Far better than the belittling and the judging and the criticizing.

And what we're doing when we're kind of lost in that judging thought,

We know we're judging,

We want to judge ourselves for judging,

But we can't let go of it because I shouldn't have done that,

Right?

And we just keep kind of staying stuck in that cycle and recognizing that.

Breaking the chain by saying okay,

I can't just begin again,

I can't let it go so easily,

So I forgive,

I forgive.

I'm not saying I forgive myself,

I'm not saying I forgive someone else,

I'm just creating a fork in the road.

One path,

We know the judging path,

The belittling and the criticizing ourselves path just keeps us spinning around in circles,

Not on the path,

Not on the spiritual path,

But by saying the words I forgive,

I forgive,

I forgive,

We are now walking on the path of compassion.

Just saying those words,

They're so beautiful to say and in that way where we're not saying like I forgive myself,

No,

I don't really forgive myself,

Right?

One hand's beating while one hand's trying to forgive,

It's just saying I forgive.

And as it takes you down that path and further away from the judging and the criticizing and as our hearts start to open just by saying those words,

I forgive,

I forgive,

I forgive,

Our hearts open,

Those intellectual teachings drop in,

They become wisdom and there's a point where we say I forgive myself.

Yeah,

I screwed up 40 years ago,

50 years ago,

30 years ago,

Right?

I'm human just like everyone else and I deserve my forgiveness.

And so remembering those words to say I forgive,

I forgive,

I forgive,

And then also to be saying,

So that's more of a kind of on an as needed basis when we say that I forgive,

Right?

We're in the situation,

We can't begin again because we're still clinging to judging ourselves and then we also want to be doing something along the lines of forgiveness.

Every day planting these seeds of forgiveness because forgiveness is a huge part of our path of letting go of past transgressions that we've done,

That others have done,

But really so much of it is the self-forgiveness.

It starts with forgiving ourselves.

We are so hard on ourselves,

We beat ourselves up so badly for being human.

I mean,

That is crazy how mean we are to ourselves,

How cruel,

How vicious we can be for being human.

And so many of you are familiar with the Buddhist forgiveness prayer.

I think everyone on here,

Bruce,

You might be the only one that's not for not familiar with it,

So this will be new to you,

Bruce,

But for everyone else,

A good review.

And I say this prayer every day before my meditations,

Every,

I say two prayers,

The prayer of Saint Francis and the Buddhist forgiveness prayer.

Beautiful way to start my meditation.

So also thinking about that,

Like how we come into our meditation,

Really important.

And every day saying those words a couple of times a day,

For anyone that I have harmed,

Either knowingly or unknowingly,

Through my own confusions,

Fears,

And desires,

I ask for your forgiveness.

For anyone that has harmed me,

Either knowingly or unknowingly,

Through their own confusions,

Fears,

And desires,

I forgive them.

For anything I am not yet ready to forgive,

I forgive myself for that.

And for all the little ways I harm myself,

Negate,

Doubt,

Belittle,

Judge,

And criticize,

I forgive myself for that too.

So in the first verse,

We're acknowledging that we have all caused harm,

We have.

You can't have walked on this planet and not have caused some harm,

Right?

So we're asking for forgiveness,

Right?

Because we were confused based on our fears and desires,

It's fear and desire,

The ego,

It's almost always the ego,

Right?

That we're acting out of afraid that there's not going to be enough for me,

Right?

The desire to get there first,

Right?

So the way that we often treat each other,

Because it's like there was some fear,

Something inside of us that was causing us to reach for the last piece of pie first,

The greed,

The desire,

Right?

And then feeling like,

Oh,

Maybe that was a little bit rough back there.

Maybe I could have been a little bit more measured or based on that.

And so in the first verse,

We're acknowledging that we have caused harm,

All of us have.

And I haven't found a situation yet where it's not due to the ego,

Acting out of fear and desire.

I'm not suggesting that there aren't times that we harm someone and that it's collateral damage,

Just kind of on the side,

Like,

Of course.

But even that,

Actually your desire,

I mean,

I've been in situations where my desire to help a dog,

Right?

Has kind of offended someone else on the other side,

Right?

There's been situations down here definitely where I've gotten myself,

I'm like,

Oh,

I thought it was doing something good,

My desire to help.

So even a good desire,

Sometimes there is collateral damage.

So in the first verse,

We're asking for forgiveness because we have all done things.

And I think it's important that we acknowledge that,

Right?

That we don't shy away from it,

We've all done stuff.

And then in the second verse,

We're giving forgiveness to others that have harmed us for the very same reasons that we have asked for forgiveness.

But then the third verse,

Because sometimes there are things we're just not ready to forgive.

And so by saying,

I forgive myself for not yet being ready to forgive,

We're still practicing forgiveness.

We're still opening our hearts,

We are moving closer towards forgiveness.

We have begun again,

Even when we're not yet ready to forgive.

And then the fourth verse,

And for all the little ways I harm myself,

Negate,

Doubt,

Belittle,

Judge and criticize,

I forgive myself for that too.

And you say that every single day,

You keep planting that seed,

Right?

We talked about last week,

You're planting that seed,

Saying those words every single day.

And you notice that you're starting to judge yourself,

Belittle yourself,

Doubt,

Criticize in some way.

And you notice,

Oh,

Begin again,

I want to begin again.

Oh,

I've got to forgive.

I've got to forgive.

And maybe just you say the words,

Just that fourth verse,

And for all the little ways I harm myself,

Negate,

Doubt,

Belittle,

Judge and criticize,

I forgive myself for that.

Begin again,

A clean slate.

It's really important that we find a way to move past all of these things that we are holding on to,

The transgressions against us,

The transgressions that we have done.

Often little things that we build up in our mind as we were some,

You know,

Type of horrible person because of something that we did a long time ago,

It doesn't even matter.

You know,

Again,

We had a mindless moment,

Oh,

You weren't particularly kind back there,

Merida.

There's no reason to beat myself up for it.

Those were the causes and conditions in that moment,

Begin again.

If no one was harmed,

There's nothing to do.

If someone was harmed,

There might be something to do.

99% of the time,

There's nothing to do.

It's just,

It's all just happening up here.

It's just happening here.

No,

No,

No,

I'm really a bad person.

I really better stay here and judge myself.

It's not helping.

It's not helping.

In fact,

The more that we judge ourselves,

The more that we judge others.

The more harsh we are with ourselves,

The more harsh we are with others.

It definitely does not break the cycle.

It perpetuates the cycle.

And so beginning again,

It is the continuous,

This is a continuous part of our practice on the gradual path.

There are always stops and starts or just mindful moments,

Mindless moments,

Mindful moments,

Mindless moments.

It doesn't matter that we lost it.

It doesn't matter that we fell off the path.

What matters is that we begin again and we realize that's the path.

Begin again.

Every time we say that,

Begin again.

And if we're just,

But we're not letting go,

Ah,

I probably need some forgiveness in here.

So not forgetting our forgiveness practice as well,

Forgiving ourselves so we can finally let go of this stuff.

We want to awaken.

It doesn't mean we carry,

We can't do that with carrying around all the things that we've done.

I mean,

Everyone on this call is over 50.

We have all done shit,

Right?

You know,

And we carry it all around with us.

Forgive ourselves.

We're human.

There's no dead bodies anywhere.

We didn't kill anyone,

Right?

I mean,

To think about what,

You know,

The things that we have done that we,

We make out in our heads that we are some kind of monster.

Just normal,

Everyday stuff that people do.

Just normal,

Everyday stuff.

So really practicing self-forgiveness as part of beginning again,

Knowing that that's a big part of it,

Having that together.

Just each,

Each moment doesn't matter.

Later tonight,

You have a mindless moment,

Begin again,

Right?

Brushing your teeth,

Mindless moment,

Begin again.

Starting to judge yourself.

Oh,

A little forgiveness,

Begin again,

Right?

So we keep coming back to the path.

That is our path.

That is our practice.

Beginning again.

Reviews

Thank you Ms. Hooke

🙏☺️

“Begin again “ will stay with me forever! I can’t tell you how many times I have judged myself for having a negative thought or feeling about a situation that happens in everyday in life. I always felt that I should know better because I am supposed to be more conscious how I react to everyday scenarios even with my own feelings… “ begin again “
Thank you 🙏

A great reminder that our practice is an every day, every moment, evolving and living experience. Thank you for sharing this supportive discussion about forgiveness!

This is a beautiful and softening talk. And a very encouraging talk. As my grief turns up all kinds of crazy stuff, so forgiveness is ever important. Thank you. 🦋🌹✨🦋🌹✨🦋🌹✨🦋🌹✨

Is always nice to hear your voice and the wisdom that brings me peace. Always grateful, Meredith💗💗💗

Superb, thank you very much 🌟 Wishing you a lovely, peaceful day ❄️

Excellent content. Thank you

Reminds me of a quote by Saint Francis de Sales

“ Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them—every day begin the task anew.”