A Powerful Reminder: Those We Love Won’t Be Here Forever

In this Dharma talk, we reflect on the profound truth that those we love will not always be with us. This reminder, though it may bring vulnerability, sadness, or even tears, is ultimately a gift—a call to cherish the precious moments we share with our loved ones now. It invites us to stop taking these moments for granted and to open our hearts fully to both love and the reality of impermanence. To truly love, we must embrace the sorrow that comes with it, for love and sorrow are inseparable—each giving depth and meaning to the other.

Trigger Warning: This practice may include references to death, dying, and the departed.

Transcript

So we are still going over the five remembrances and we are on the fourth remembrance today which is everything that is dear to me and everyone that I love is subject to change.

I cannot escape being separated from them.

And so while the first three remembrances,

I'm of the nature to grow old,

I'm of the nature to get sick,

I'm of the nature to die,

I cannot escape any of these things,

These are all about us.

But then the fourth remembrance is reminding us that everyone is subject to these things,

That no one is getting out of this alive.

And while the first three remembrances have their amounts of or certain amounts of resistance and certain amounts of fear that we're pushing back on them,

We don't want to get old,

We don't want to get sick,

We don't want to die,

We can't even conceive of ourselves dying.

With the fourth remembrance,

It's really touching something deep inside of us that we really fear getting in touch with,

About thinking about that we're going to lose our loved ones.

And yet,

And yet,

What we have found in every one of the remembrances is that there is a gift,

That through reflecting on these truths,

These realities that none of us can escape,

That there is a gift.

And the gift in the fourth remembrance is that we stop taking those that we love for granted.

We remember to appreciate that they're here now,

Because they're not always going to be here.

And there's many ways that we can look at to see how we don't appreciate this reality.

And I think one of the most obvious is how we rush through goodbyes,

Right?

When we're saying goodbye to a friend,

We've just had lunch,

And we… it's kind of like a cursory pat on the back,

A quick hug,

I'll see you later,

Right?

So confident that we're going to see them later.

Or if it's been someone that's been visiting for a while,

Maybe some family's visiting you,

It's the holidays.

And after their visit,

And they're ready to go,

How quickly we rush through the goodbye.

Again,

A quick hug,

Text me when you get home.

It was great to see you,

Like a kind of… we're saying it,

But we're not feeling it.

We're not saying what we really feel inside,

Because we're afraid to touch this part of us.

We're afraid to get in touch with it.

We're afraid of what might come out.

Or even when we say,

Or we hear someone saying,

Oh,

I don't do goodbyes.

And what that person is really saying is,

I don't want to feel.

That's why I don't want to say goodbye,

Because I don't want to feel.

And that's what we're doing when we're denying this reality,

Because we're bottling our emotions up so tightly,

So afraid what would happen if we were to get in touch with our emotions,

If we were to feel what it is that's really here.

Right?

We're so afraid of what would happen,

What might come out,

What might come spilling out,

The vulnerability,

The unpredictability of these emotions.

So instead,

We keep it bottled up inside,

And we don't say what we really feel.

We don't say what we really mean.

And just last week,

When I was at the airport picking up my mom and Maria,

And I did share this at the end of our sangha talk last week,

But I'm going to share it again for those of you that weren't here,

And because it's just so appropriate in this talk,

That when I went to the local airport to pick them up,

And I'd gotten there a little bit early,

And I was inside the waiting area,

And they were coming in on a local flight,

And they were coming in on a local flight,

From Tijuana.

You can just walk across the border from San Diego and go Tijuana down to La Paz.

So there were a lot of locals here,

A lot of Mexican locals,

And it was so beautiful to see the reception that these families,

Entire families,

Had come to pick up one person or two people,

And the hugs when they would hold each other so tightly,

Like they really held on,

They really,

You know,

They felt it,

And they had tears streaming down their face,

Because someone had returned,

Or someone they hadn't seen for a while,

And they really felt it,

And watching them,

I mean,

My eyes were welling up with tears,

I was feeling it,

I could feel this in my heart,

It was so beautiful to really greet people.

And so when my mom and Maria did come out,

My hug for them was even tighter.

I held on to them and really savored the moment,

Really feeling like they're here,

I'm so grateful they're here.

And as we turned to walk away,

I kind of did a little bow,

You know,

To all the families there,

Thank you,

Thank you for showing me what a greeting looks like.

And a little bow also to the fourth remembrance,

Because it is the fourth remembrance that has taught me how to let my heart quiver,

How to let it shake,

How to feel it without being overwhelmed by it.

This is what the fourth remembrance is,

It's a practice,

It's a teaching,

How to open our hearts,

How to feel love,

And sorrow,

And longing,

And joy,

And pain,

And sadness,

And to feel it all,

To feel that sense of connection,

To let the heart quake,

And to breathe into it,

And to be with it as the tears are streaming down our face,

Because this one is very emotional,

Very emotional.

In the past,

I never really wanted to think about my mother leaving,

You know,

Not being here.

And I didn't want to think about it,

Because I was,

Oh,

It's going to make me sad,

It's going to make me cry,

So I don't want to think about it.

But it is the fourth remembrance,

In contemplating it,

She's 85 years old,

She's not going to be here much longer,

But in contemplating that she's not going to be here,

What I'm able to do in that contemplation,

The tears are coming,

And they're and my heart is just,

You know,

Raw,

And open,

And vulnerable.

But the gift that it gives me is that I appreciate every single moment that we are together.

I don't take a single moment for granted,

Doesn't matter how mundane the moment,

I recognize,

Because I did,

Because I am so aware that this is precious.

And that is the gift of the fourth remembrance.

We stop taking all these moments for granted with those that we love.

You know,

We say we want to feel connection,

We want to feel love,

But we don't really want to feel all of it.

Because in love is sorrow,

Is pain,

Is sadness,

Is grief,

In joy,

It's all in there together.

You can't have love without sorrow,

And you cannot have sorrow without love.

And if you cut off the sorrow,

If you think you're protecting yourself by closing yourself off from the grief,

From the pain,

From the sadness,

Then you are not fully feeling the love either.

And we can go through our whole lives with people that we love that means so much to us,

So many touching moments,

And we don't share it with them,

Or we don't think about it until they're dead,

Or until they're passing,

They're sick.

Sometimes too late,

We don't get that opportunity to say it.

And I was talking with a friend just last week,

His 94-year-old mother had passed a few weeks before,

And he was sharing with me how he and his siblings were all writing letters to his mother to share stories,

And memories,

And what she meant to them,

And they were going to put the letters in,

To bury the letters with their mom.

And he was just sharing some of the stories when they were young,

And it was really important that the family ate meals together,

Ate dinner together,

And they would have to wait for their dad to come home,

Who was a doctor,

And he was often late.

And my friend was always like so squeamish,

And so hungry,

And his mom would kind of take him to the kitchen,

And give him a couple of crackers,

And just how much that moment meant to him,

And he'd written that in the letter to his mom.

And I think that's a beautiful practice,

Something we should definitely do,

Because it was very cathartic for him in the grieving process.

But why don't we send those letters now,

When the person can read it,

Right?

We wait until it's too late,

We wait until someone is dying or dead,

To remember everything that they meant to us,

Because we're too afraid to feel,

We're too afraid to get in touch with what's real.

I have another story.

I was on a meditation retreat in India in 2009,

And sometime in the first or the second week of the retreat,

They had,

And it was just a small retreat,

There were just six of us on the retreat,

And they had told us that we were to walk into town that day,

Like walk an hour into town,

To go to an internet cafe,

And to write to six people,

And to tell them everything that they meant to us,

Everything that,

You know,

Just how much we loved them,

How much we appreciated them,

How much we cared about them.

And so I had written first to my oldest sister Alison,

And then as I was going on and writing the next emails,

Because we were in a similar time zone,

Or closer,

Because she lives in Libya,

As most of my family lives in Australia,

And I was in India at the time,

So she was able to respond while I was still at the internet cafe.

And so I see the email pop up,

And in the subject header,

In all caps,

She's written,

Are you dying?

And it was her way of,

She's quite funny,

She's quite woody,

But it was kind of her way of deflecting,

Like why would you say all these things to me?

Why would you say how much I mean to you?

Why would you bring all these things up?

Now you must be dying.

That must be the only possible reason that you would say these things to me.

And I think in good humor,

There is always truth in there.

And the truth is that we don't say these things to each other until we're dying,

Or until it's too late.

And so the fourth remembrance is teaching us,

Reflect on this now.

Say what these,

Excuse me,

Say the words that you want to say now.

Feel now.

This is a gift.

Every loved one we have in our lives is a gift to appreciate in each and every moment.

And as we keep reflecting on the fourth remembrance,

What we are also doing is preparing ourselves to be able to grieve.

Because eventually it is going to happen.

That person is no longer going to be in our lives,

Or it might be someone else that maybe we weren't even doing the reflection on.

But because we know how to sit with our quivering heart,

Because we know that love is not just the kindness and the gratitude,

And it's not just all the sweet things,

It's the sorrow,

It's the pain,

It's the longing,

It's the sadness.

We know that it's all of these things.

We're prepared for it,

And we're able to really feel the grief in the present moment.

And as someone once famously said,

An anonymous quote,

The last act of love that we can give a loved one is our grief.

But because we won't acknowledge it when they're alive,

We don't know how to grieve when people are past either.

Because we don't know how to feel.

We don't know how to open our hearts and be vulnerable,

And to let our hearts quake and be okay with that.

And I think we also,

Sorry,

I don't think,

I know we also have far less regrets.

Because if you are there appreciating that this person is here,

Not taking it for granted,

There's very little to regret.

If you said the things you wanted to say,

If you really shared with that person what they meant to you,

It eliminates any need for regret.

Every few seconds,

Someone is being born on this planet.

And every few seconds,

Someone is dying.

And to use the analogy we used last week,

Every few seconds,

A wave is forming out of the ocean.

And every few seconds,

Another wave is coming back into the ocean.

And this is happening.

Every few seconds,

Waves forming,

Waves coming out back into the ocean.

And this is not tragic.

It's what makes every moment sacred.

It's what wakes us up out of our drama,

The stories,

The endless stories that we tell ourselves,

And we finally remember what really matters.

Because we know,

We know when someone does pass,

In the moment we hear that someone has passed,

All of the things that we were fretting about,

That we were worrying about,

Melt away.

We know in that moment what matters.

And it's a gift that we're given.

It's a reminder every time someone passes,

This happens to all of us.

This will be over in an instant.

Stop taking it for granted.

And then we forget.

And we go right back up into our stories again.

And we assume that everyone's going to be here forever.

I'm going to be here forever.

And I shouldn't feel,

I don't need to feel these things.

But the fourth remembrance keeps us in touch with this.

We keep opening our hearts and feeling and remembering what matters most.

This moment,

Who we're with in this moment.

That we are all together right now in this moment.

Our beautiful Tuesday Sangha,

Right?

We've only been meeting for about a year and a half.

And yet I feel like I know so many of you,

Right?

Even if it's just seeing your familiar avatars,

And just you're saying hi,

And many of you have reached out to me,

And of course Libby,

I've known for a long time,

And Sue,

And I've known you for a long time.

But how special,

Think of all the millions and billions and trillions of causes and conditions that have brought us all here together in this moment.

How many moments that we have all shared,

Many of us here have shared vulnerable things that have been going on with us.

Our fears,

Our worries.

And how many of us have been there for each other,

Like you've all sent little comments or hearts to the person that's,

Their cat is passing,

Their dog is passing,

They're experiencing some physical ailments,

They're having some family troubles,

Right?

And that we've been there and we've shared all these moments.

How beautiful.

How very,

Very special indeed.

Yes,

Joanne.

Yeah.

Right?

It's so amazing,

These moments.

And when we remember the fourth remembrance,

When we reflect on it,

It kind of gives us those like,

These snapshots to like really feel and savor this,

Like this is special that we are all here right now sharing this.

That many of you keep coming back week after week.

You could be on 50 other live events,

But that we are all together right here,

That the conditions brought us together,

It's special.

And we need to acknowledge that and savor it and really be here with it and feel it.

And when we're with our friends in person and we're at lunch or at a dinner,

Right?

To remember,

Like to kind of,

I feel like it's like this snapshot you take and it kind of zooms and pulls everything back to go,

Wow.

Yes,

Don't forget.

And each time we remember that,

Then we start listening more attentively.

All right?

We're seeing the people there,

We're present.

And maybe it's someone that's sharing a story we've heard for 50 times,

But we're really paying attention because we're like,

Man,

This is amazing.

We're here,

We're still here.

So you're really,

We're connecting more deeply.

It's not even so much the words,

Even in that kind of a setting,

It doesn't even matter so much.

It's that you're there,

You're present,

You're appreciating it.

It changes the way we are with each other.

It's so much more meaningful.

There's such a deeper connection.

It's so much more real.

It's more raw.

And so when we go to say goodbye,

The hugs are a little tighter.

You know,

We really hold on and we recognize when we say,

It was great to see you.

Like we really look the other person in the eye and say,

It was great to see you.

It was all,

I'm so happy that we had this time together.

And even if it's someone that,

You know,

Maybe they're not,

They would think this is a little bit odd.

Even if you don't communicate it in that way,

You can feel it and they are feeling it in a way that is comfortable enough for them.

And in just all the little mundane moments that were with other beings,

Strangers in a grocery store,

In a library,

Stuck in traffic,

Right?

To just look around and remember,

Yeah,

Everyone here is going to die too.

It's not depressing,

It's sobering because we realize,

Yeah,

We're all here in this moment together.

And it wakes us up that yes,

In this moment,

All of these little waves are having a little moment together,

Whether it's stuck in traffic,

In the line at the grocery store,

Line at the bank,

In the TSA.

It's like all these little waves,

We all happen to be here together right now.

This is amazing.

And you feel it.

You feel a greater connection to strangers coming out of our superficial dramas and just really recognizing,

Wow,

We are all the same.

We're just little waves coming out,

Waves coming out of the ocean,

Waves going back into the ocean.

So the fourth remembrance is teaching us to live now as all of the remembrances are what they're teaching us to wake up now,

To be present now.

But the fourth remembrance in particular,

Really preparing us for the inevitable,

But in a way that gets us in touch with those deeply locked up,

Closed up,

Bottled up emotions that we haven't wanted to feel and really giving us a path,

A practice of how to feel this,

Of how to be vulnerable,

Of how to let our hearts quake so that we can appreciate each moment,

Each moment that we are with each being here,

That every person that we encounter is a precious,

Sacred moment.

To say what we really feel now,

To not be shy about this stuff,

To speak up and let someone know how we feel.

You won't regret it.

And yes,

Your heart will quake,

It will quiver,

But you will be alive.

You will be feeling your heart.

You will be living from your heart.

So when we contemplate the fourth remembrance,

And we're going to do the meditation in a minute,

We're going to do a contemplation on the fourth remembrance,

Which is why I flipped the meditation to be after the Dharma talk today.

So whether it's you're just saying the five remembrances each day,

And again,

Just even saying the words in the beginning,

That's beautiful.

You're sowing the seeds,

You're planting the seeds.

But then to go a step further and really think about,

And as we're going to do it in the meditation,

When we're going to think about our loved ones,

And we're really going to consider,

First of all,

What they mean to us,

To really feel that in our heart,

How much we treasure them,

The joy they bring us,

The gratitude of their presence.

And then to remember,

They're not always going to be here,

And our hearts are going to quiver,

And there will be tears,

And it will feel intense.

But this is the time to do it now,

To do it now,

Because remember,

As we go through and we keep thinking about those that we love,

And remembering they're not always going to be here,

What happens is we appreciate that they are now.

And just on Sunday,

So I give this class Sunday down here in Mexico,

I have a group that comes to my house.

After the meditation,

Don from our group had shared that in the meditation,

He realized,

Yeah,

I'm going to go home to visit my 94-year-old dad.

I was debating about it.

And all of a sudden,

Right,

By remembering this,

He was prioritizing what was most important.

So,

It leads to positive actions,

Maybe reaching out to a friend,

Just texting them,

Reconnecting,

Maybe someone that we need to apologize to,

Ask for forgiveness,

Right?

It leads to action as well,

Positive actions,

None of which that we will regret,

None that we will regret.

So,

The fourth remembrance,

As all the remembrances are to wake us up,

To start living now,

And to appreciate the lives we have,

And to appreciate all the lives of those around us,

All those,

All these waves that we're nudging out of together.

And just to appreciate that we really are here right now in this moment,

Having this moment,

Because it will not last.

It's going to end one day.

And that is a gift to know that it is not a tragedy,

It is a gift to know that,

To know that each moment is sacred.

So,

With that,

We will do our meditation.

So,

I just want to acknowledge,

Thanks,

Gary,

I'm glad that you were listening intently.

And Sue,

Yes,

Those snapshots,

And Joanne and Antonio,

Thank you for the comments there.

So,

We're going to do a contemplation meditation.

And we are going to first just come in,

And we'll just do some breathing just to settle the mind.

We'll just spend a couple of minutes on the breath,

Just kind of bringing ourselves into the present moment,

Really feeling the breath,

Allowing it to ground us into the present moment.

And then we are going to bring to mind a loved one.

And we're going to think about them.

And I'm going to guide you through the whole meditation.

And just be prepared,

Be prepared,

It is going to,

Ideally,

You're going to feel something.

This is something we've held at bay.

So,

We've just,

We have not wanted to address it,

Because we know every time we think about it,

The quivering happens,

And we go,

Oh,

And we distract ourselves,

And we reach for something to try and avoid feeling it,

Right?

So,

This is to let these things out.

We want to feel.

If you want connection,

If you want to feel love,

You got to feel it all.

We've got to feel it all.

And it's freeing.

It's freeing to be able to feel,

And to be able to respond in a moment when you feel like you want to say something and go,

Oh,

I can say it.

And it's okay if some tears come,

And it's okay if your eyes get watery,

Or your voice cracks,

It's okay.

Because that's feeling,

That's connection.

We shouldn't be embarrassed about feeling.

And I think the more that we do it,

And particularly in a lot of Western countries,

Not that,

You know,

In Mexico,

I live in a Western country,

But I would say the Latin countries,

They really feel,

They really feel.

Hi,

Monica.

Oh,

Hi,

Monica.

Good to see you.

You can echo what I'm saying.

I mean,

They really know how to show their emotions here,

And it's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

And so,

We use the fourth remembrance to teach us how to do this.

So,

I'll guide us through the meditation.

We're going to start with one loved one.

Then we're going to imagine all of,

You know,

Just all of our friends,

Other loved ones.

And then we're just going to do it for strangers in the end.

Again,

Because we have to remember,

Strangers are just people we don't know yet.

Just people we don't know yet.

But we're all going through the same thing.

Oh,

You were with family yesterday.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

This is a good time to remember this one,

Particularly as a lot of family gatherings are happening,

And to really savor these moments,

Because we kind of rush through them.

Oh,

No,

I got to go there.

We get so rushed.

And of course,

What I put in the,

In today's group,

In the song,

I put a little note in there to remember when all the planning and festivities,

Make sure you're scheduling downtime as well.

But,

And in that downtime,

You know,

To also reflect on that.

You're going to go see some family later or some friends or Christmas party to think about,

Wow,

These people aren't always going to be there and notice how it changes.

Notice how it changes the interaction,

The time together,

How much more precious it is.

Oh,

And Monica says,

Stella,

She was 96.

So,

She passed.

I'm so sorry.

But 96 years old,

Man,

That's a pretty good life.

Yeah,

We can all send some love to Stella and we can send,

Oh,

Passed yesterday.

Oh,

Monica,

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Because it is tough when we lose someone.

But she had a good life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bless her heart.

Yeah.

It's painful.

This is part of love.

Love is painful.

Absolutely.

In the pain is love,

In the love is pain.

We want to feel it all.

If you feel in any way during the meditation,

And of course,

For anyone,

Because again,

I don't know where everyone is.

But if it does become too much for you,

Either just drown out my voice for a while and just focus on your breath,

Maybe go off the talk and come back on,

I think we'll be about 30 minutes doing the meditation,

25-30 minutes doing the meditation.

So,

There's no shame,

No judgment.

And also just recognizing,

Hey,

I'm a little raw right now.

I'm just not ready for this.

Because even,

And as Philippa had said last week to Jesse,

Like,

Hey,

You know,

Even if the meditate like the death meditation last week,

If that's too much for you,

Or if this is too much for you,

No worries,

Just reflecting,

Just saying the five remembrances.

We all need to start where we are.

We need to honor where we are,

But to keep planting those seeds,

Not to say,

Oh,

No,

I can't acknowledge it,

But finding a way,

Finding a way to just to say the remembrances to get a little more comfortable and then maybe as you're saying the remembrances,

One day you think,

I'm just going to pause on that fourth one.

And I'm going to think about someone I love for a moment,

I'm going to let my heart quiver.

And so,

To do it at your pace,

But not to avoid this contemplation because of how you're feeling,

But just to find the right place to enter with it.

So,

If for any reason during the meditation,

It becomes too much,

Again,

Just go to your breath,

Drown me out,

Or just if you want to hop back on for the discussion afterwards,

Totally fine.

Totally fine.

Okay.

And look at all this love coming to you,

Monica,

And to Stella.

I love that's what makes this such a beautiful community.

It's a little snapshot moment.

Right?

Feel this.

It's beautiful.

When someone shares something so personal,

And that everyone's saying these things,

It's beautiful.

Okay.

So,

With that,

Let's go ahead and we'll meditate and then we'll jump into some discussion about this afterwards.

Okay.

So,

Just make sure you're comfortable.

Close your eyes.

And just take a few deep breaths in and out through the nose.

Big inhales,

Opening up.

Long,

Slow exhales.

And at the end of your next exhale,

Allow your breath to be natural.

And just checking in again,

How you're feeling.

We're very disembodied,

Not very in touch with our feelings.

And it's really good to keep coming in and checking in with how do I feel?

Noticing any tension,

Any kind of high arousal energy or lethargy.

And just noticing what's here and allowing it to be here.

Breathing into it.

Just feeling the breath as it moves through your body.

Feeling fully grounded here in the present moment,

In your experience.

And anytime the mind wanders,

No problem.

Just gently bring your attention back to the breath,

Back to the peace and the stillness of your breath.

And now I want you to bring to mind someone that you care very deeply about.

It could be a family member,

A friend,

Your partner,

A pet.

And really feel the warmth of their presence.

Maybe think about a few special moments that you two have shared over the years.

Really feel the joy in your heart,

The gratitude for how much you treasure them.

And now remember,

It is their nature that they are impermanent,

That they won't always be here.

And just notice what it is that you're feeling in your heart.

Feel whatever it is that's here.

The sadness,

The pain.

Without any resistance to feeling.

Knowing that in this sorrow is the love.

And if you feel some tears,

That's perfectly all right.

You're really feeling.

If your lip is quivering,

It's because you're really feeling.

And just as best as you can to stay with this.

Breathing into your heart now.

Really feeling these emotions.

Embracing them.

Opening to them.

We want to be able to feel a full range of emotions.

Breathe into your heart as best you can,

Allowing whatever it is that's here to be here.

And then allowing this memory,

Allowing these feelings to fade as you keep breathing into your heart.

And then imagining one by one,

Just all your family,

Your loved ones,

Your friends,

As you think of each person,

Just imagine or try to bring to mind one memory associated with them.

And even though you haven't maybe gotten to everyone yet,

You can just imagine that everyone that you care about is here.

You feel the warmth of all their presence.

You feel the love and the care,

The love for them and their love for you.

And you feel a deep sense of gratitude for all these beings being in your life.

Really feel that joy in your heart.

Treasure this feeling.

And then remember that each of these beings is impermanent.

And at some point,

They won't be here.

And really notice what it is that you're feeling in your heart.

As you recognize this reality,

This deeper truth of impermanence,

Whatever it is that you're feeling,

Doing your best to be with these feelings,

To allow them to express themselves,

To be okay with the ground feeling shaky right now.

It's okay.

This is what really feeling,

Deeply feeling,

Feels like.

Breathe into your heart.

Allow whatever it is that's here to be here.

And just stay with this as best you can.

You cannot have real love without sorrow.

When we feel the sorrow,

We are able to love deeply.

And now let the contemplation fade.

And as you continue breathing into your heart,

This feeling,

Whatever it is that's here,

Whatever residual feelings are here.

And now we'll expand this contemplation to think about all the beings on this planet.

And to remember that everyone is subject to impermanence.

None of us are here forever.

But that we are all here in this moment,

Sharing this moment,

Is a miracle.

And we can feel that sense of preciousness,

Of life,

Of how sacred each moment is,

Knowing how special it is,

That we are all here in this moment,

But that we won't always be.

And really feel whatever it is that you are feeling in your heart,

Through this contemplation.

Giving the space in the room for your heart to open,

To touch that place so deep inside of you.

Maybe you've forgotten what it was like to really feel.

And breathing in and out of your heart,

Being with whatever it is that's here.

Just since we started this meditation,

Hundreds of beings have been born and have passed.

Waves coming out of the ocean,

Waves going back into the ocean.

We are just passing through.

Appreciate every being that is here with you,

That has shared this journey.

And don't take them for granted.

At some point,

They will go back into the ocean,

Just as we will.

And when we remember this,

We appreciate more fully that they're here now.

And we focus on the things that really matter.

And we can let go of all of the millions of things that occupy our mind,

That simply don't matter.

Feel your breath in your heart,

Letting all the words and the feelings dissolve in there.

And knowing that even if this was difficult at some point during the meditation,

This is what your heart has been begging for.

Your heart wants to feel,

And it's the mind that's been stopping it.

And through this contemplation,

We let the heart do what it wants to do,

And that is to feel.

To be touched deeply,

To quiver,

To quake,

To feel love and sorrow,

Joy and pain.

To feel it all,

Because we are only fully living when our hearts are truly open to the full experience of life.

And we'll just rest here for another minute or so.

And as we begin to come out of the meditation,

We can bring our hands together at our heart center and just have one last moment of gratitude for all the beings that are in our lives that are sharing this journey with us.

And when you're ready,

You can open your eyes.

So,

I hope we all did okay in the meditation.

That's a bit of a,

It's a tough one.

We're really feeling in this something that we really have pushed back on not wanting to feel,

That we are going to be separated from our loved ones.

But to remember,

We want to feel,

We want to feel the full range of emotions because that is how we stop taking for granted all the time that we are spending with those that we love.

It brings more meaning,

We're more present with those that we love.

We let them know what they mean to us.

But we have to be able to let our hearts quiver.

We have to know how to be able to do this.

We need to be able to practice the fourth remembrance.

Now,

Monica,

I'm glad for you.

Yeah,

It's a powerful meditation.

And it's a powerful contemplation as all of the remembrances are.

All of these remembrances are to wake us up.

Oh,

You're very welcome,

Sue.

Yeah.

I mean,

That's what these are all for.

This is why the Buddha recommends saying the five remembrances every day.

Every day,

I'm of the nature to grow old,

I cannot escape growing old.

I'm of the nature to get sick,

I cannot escape getting sick.

I'm of the nature to die,

I cannot escape death.

Everything that is dear to me and everyone that I love is of the nature to change,

I cannot escape being separated from them.

And then for next week's remembrance,

What we're going to go over is,

My actions are my only true belongings.

I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.

My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

Oh,

Lucila,

I'm so glad to hear that,

Wept through the whole thing.

Yeah.

Like,

It's good to feel,

It's tears are good,

We're touching something.

Right.

And I'm so glad Emily and Joanne,

I'm so glad.

Right.

We want to,

We want to feel,

We say it,

We say it all the time.

Oh,

I want to feel,

I want connection,

I want to feel love.

But we don't really want to feel the whole thing.

And it's raw and it's,

And it exposes us and we're vulnerable.

And we are alive in those moments.

They wake us up to what matters.

Yeah.

And Sandy,

That's fine.

Yeah.

One day the floodgates will open.

But it's also healing and soothing.

And Monica,

You definitely need the tears to flow right now.

You definitely need to let them flow.

Let them flow.

Crying is a good thing.

Because again,

It's the remembering that this person means something to me.

Why else would we have tears?

They're sacred.

Exactly,

Julie.

Why else would we have tears?

We want to let the tears flow.

We want to be able to feel.

We want to stop.

We show up in the world kind of in a very superficial way.

We show up in a lot of our relationships in a very superficial way.

And we don't pay attention a lot of the time.

We're very distracted.

Maybe we're in a group of people,

But again,

We're just lost in our own thoughts.

Thinking about what I'm going to do next.

Thinking about what am I going to say next?

What did they think of what I said just then?

What am I going to order?

We're always thinking,

Thinking,

Thinking,

And not hearing like,

Wow,

This is amazing.

All these little waves that have arisen,

Right?

And I've known these other waves for many years.

And this is amazing that we're all together.

It's amazing,

Right?

Because these waves are going to go back into the ocean at some point.

It wakes us up.

We are asleep.

We are sleepwalking through our lives,

Through our relationships,

Closing off our emotions,

Our heart,

Not fully living.

So the fourth remembrance is to help us appreciate the relationships that are here now.

They're not always going to be here.

And to say,

Again,

Like in Sandy,

You were saying,

You know,

There was some holding back of the floodgates.

And I know because you and I have talked a little bit offline and it's,

You know,

And I,

And I get,

We have to know where we are,

You know,

What's going on.

And so to know that,

Like,

That's okay,

Just maybe saying the,

Saying the reflections again each day,

Just saying them.

And then,

You know,

When you feel you can let a little opening,

Go for it.

Let a little opening there.

So that we can,

Again,

When we're with others that we love,

It's okay to have tears.

It's okay.

How many times on these calls I've had tears or teary eyes or something,

If I'm talking about something that means something,

Like we're not robots,

We want to feel,

We want to feel,

We want to get more comfortable feeling in public,

Like appropriately,

Right?

Not in a board meeting,

You know,

But,

You know,

In appropriate situations.

Yeah.

And thank you,

Lucila.

Thank you for the donation.

And Emma,

Just,

That's,

I love it.

You're going to go hug your kids now.

Yeah.

And for those of you,

Maybe if your kids aren't nearby right now,

Or,

Or even there's some kind of situation going on with them,

You're not particularly close,

Maybe you're having a little bit of difficulty,

Just holding them in your heart,

Right?

And seeing what that leads to,

Seeing what that leads to,

Maybe sending them a message or something,

Right?

But maybe a,

A,

A kind of a message that you're not,

You know,

Again,

Because I also know there's a lot of difficulties around family relationships.

And,

And while some people have a little bit more,

You know,

Maybe want to have a little bit more space from us in this moment,

It doesn't mean that we can't hold them in our hearts or that we can't even send something and say,

Like,

I just want you to know how much I love you.

You don't need to respond.

I just wanted you to know how much I love you,

How much I care about you.

So it leads to good things,

Leads to good things.

Hold them tight,

Emma.

Give them a big hug.

Oh,

And just Monica,

You're saying it makes you feel so aware that nothing or no one is here forever.

Who is next?

You'll spread your love to those who are still here and definitely woke you up.

Yeah.

Every few seconds,

Every few seconds,

Someone on the planet is passing.

We never know,

One day it's going to be us.

But I really do find the gift is that you,

We just,

We stop taking for granted every moment with those that we do love.

Reviews

fabulous talk. I remember during the 7 1/2 years of my husband’s cancer journey I’d be irritated with him, i’d pause and ask myself, is it cancer worthy? and the answer was always no. my son was here the last two weeks and I got irritated with him. And then moments later I got a text from my girlfriend saying hello. This particular girlfriend lost her son.(suicide). and my next thought was how grateful this girlfriend would be to be irritated by her son just one more time. and for the rest of my sons visit every time he was irritating or annoying I thought, what a beautiful feeling irritation is. It means the person’s alive and active in your life. And when I drove my son to the airport on Sunday, and as I hugged him, goodbye… I held him a little tighter and hugged him a little longer.

What a beautiful reminder to live in the present and to remember to enjoy the company of our loved ones while we can. Half way through I had to call my Mom even though I am seeing her in 2 days. Your reminders bring out the best in us and everyone who listen. Thank you 🙏

Dear Meredith, sending love and good wishes to you and community with a quivering, quaking heart. Grateful.