A Letter from Grief.
A poem by Alice Pierce Dearest,
It's grief.
I know I'm the last one you wanted to hear from,
And yet here I am,
Knocking at the doorstep of your heart.
Don't confuse me with your ego.
Your ego that was built to keep you safe will always panic.
It will twist grief into terror,
Sensing its own mortality.
This grief ego clings to anything but the present.
It hunts for loose ends,
Unfinished business,
Desperately weaving illusions of safety,
Even immortality.
It combs through memory,
Searching for what death interrupted,
For some place to land,
Some corner untouched by sorrow,
Some unresolved thread to distract from death's hard kiss.
This grief ego magnifies your weak spots,
A sharp word,
Unforgiveness,
Betrayal,
A dangling conversation,
Anything unresolved,
Because death feels so final.
It leaves behind stains of guilt,
Anger,
Fear,
Insecurity,
Sadness,
Even jealousy.
This is not weakness.
This is grief.
So,
You see,
You are not crazy.
You are not broken.
You stand at the crossroads where grief meets ego.
Grief longs to process your loss,
But ego cannot accept death.
To do so would be to sign its own death certificate.
But this too is grief.
You are not getting it wrong.
Healing means holding opposites,
Letting contradictions coexist,
Not one right and the other wrong,
But mismatched pieces gathering over time into wholeness,
A mosaic,
Still you,
Yet,
Like Kintsugi,
Transformed into something new,
Something beautiful.
This journey is not linear.
Some days grief ego traps you in a house of mirrors,
Distorting truths,
Twisting thoughts,
Warping memories,
Whispering,
There is no exit.
But there is,
Through radical self-compassion,
Gentleness,
And time.
Be patient with yourself and with this process.
Death is hard.
Find solace as you weave harmony with the love you shared.
Grieffully,
It will split you wide open,
But that is where the light enters.
You are healing and always,
Again and again,
Return to love.