WEEK 6 SELF-COMPASSION PRACTICE Welcome,
I'm Dr Redd.
This is a self-compassion practice.
Ten minutes of learning to treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a mate going through a hard time.
For many men,
This is the hardest practice in the series.
We're taught being kind to ourselves is soft,
That we need harsh criticism to stay motivated,
That self-compassion is self-pity.
All of that is wrong.
Research shows self-compassion makes you stronger,
Not weaker,
More resilient,
Not less.
Find a comfortable position,
Sitting or lying down,
And let's begin.
Take three deeper breaths,
In and out through your nose.
Breathe in and out,
In and out,
In and out.
Now,
Let your breath return to its natural rhythm.
Bring one hand to your chest,
Your heart area,
Or both hands if that feels comfortable.
This is a physical anger,
A gesture of kindness to yourself.
Feel the warmth of your hand,
The contact,
The place where the chest rises and falls with each breath.
This might feel awkward,
And that's normal.
You're not used to being kind to yourself.
Stay with it.
Now,
Bring to mind something difficult that you're dealing with right now.
Not the worst thing in your life,
Just something hard.
Work stress,
A relationship issue,
An argument,
Maybe just feeling tired and overwhelmed.
Notice where you feel this difficulty in your body.
Tightness in your chest,
Heaviness in your stomach,
Tension in your shoulders.
Just acknowledge this is hard right now.
You don't need to fix it.
You don't need to make it go away.
Just acknowledge it's there.
Say to yourself quietly,
This is a moment of difficulty.
This is hard.
That's the first step.
Recognising what's actually here.
Not minimising it,
Not pretending you're fine.
Just,
This is hard.
Now,
Recognise something important.
You're not the only one struggling.
Right now,
Thousands of men are feeling exactly what you're feeling.
Stressed,
Overwhelmed,
Not good enough,
Tired,
Worried.
Suffering is part of being human.
It is not a personal failing.
Say to yourself,
I'm not alone in this.
Everyone struggles.
This is part of being human.
This isn't about comparing yourself to others.
It's about recognising struggling doesn't mean you're broken.
It means you're human.
Your hands still on your heart,
Breathing.
You're one human among billions,
All doing your best with what you've got.
Now,
Let's try what can be the hardest part,
Offering yourself kindness.
Not because you've earned it,
Not because you deserve it,
Just because you're struggling.
And suffering deserves kindness.
Think about what you'd say to a good mate going through what you're going through.
You wouldn't say,
Man up,
Stop being weak,
You should be handling this better.
You'd say something kind,
Something supportive.
Now,
Say that to yourself.
Here are some phrases you might want to try,
Or use your own words,
Whatever feels true.
May I be kind to myself.
May I give myself what I need.
May I accept myself as I am right now.
If that feels too soft,
Try this,
I'm doing the best I can with what I've got.
It's okay to struggle,
Everyone does.
I don't need to be perfect.
I just need to be here.
With your hand on your heart,
Breathing,
Offering yourself the kindness you'd offer anyone else who was suffering.
This is not weakness,
This is wisdom.
Being harsh with yourself does not make you stronger.
It exhausts you,
It paralyzes you.
Kindness gives you energy to actually deal with what is hard.
Your hand is still on your heart.
Keep that sense of kindness towards yourself.
Now,
If you're willing and able,
Extend that kindness outwards.
Think of someone you care about.
Someone who may be struggling now.
A partner,
A friend,
A colleague,
Your kids.
Recognize that they are doing their best too.
They're struggling too.
Say to them,
In your mind,
May you be kind to yourself.
May you find what you need.
Now let's extend it wider.
All the men trying to hold it together.
Everyone who's tired and overwhelmed.
Anyone who feels like they're not enough.
May we all be kind to ourselves.
May we all find what we need.
This is not flowery sentiment,
It's just practical.
When you can give yourself compassion,
You have more to give others.
When you stop beating yourself up,
You have energy for what actually matters.
Let's bring this to a close now.
Your hand still on your heart.
Let it rest now,
Wherever it feels comfortable.
Take three deeper breaths.
In and out.
In and out.
In and out.
You've just spent 10 minutes being kind to yourself.
For many of you,
That may be the first time in a long time.
But this week,
When you catch yourself in harsh self-criticism,
And you will,
Because we all do,
Try this.
Put your hand on your heart.
Take three deep breaths.
And ask yourself,
What would I say to a mate going through this?
And just say that to yourself instead.
Self-compassion is not self-indulgence.
It's not letting yourself off the hook.
It's not pretending everything is fine.
But it is treating yourself like a human being,
Who is doing their best in difficult circumstances.
Because that's what you are.
Now,
Take your time coming back.
And when you're ready,
Open your eyes.
Thank you for practicing.
And be kind to yourself today.
You're doing better than you think.
