Fierce Healing

This is a 7-minute reflection on two conversations on meeting fear and pain with fierce, immediate, masculine-flavored Presence. When we counterbalance the soft, patient, and gentle side of Presence with these complementary qualities, a stronger sense of embodiment and power is felt.

Transcript

So this is a summary of a conversation with a friend as well as one with a client recently in which I was advocating for what I'm calling fierce healing.

And this fierce healing is in a way a counterbalance to what I've noticed in the therapeutic and healing fields,

Which is a kind of soft healing.

It's a bias toward the feminine qualities of healing,

A very unconditional,

Loving,

Soft,

Patient pace in which you offer ongoing support,

Kind of like putting a pillow down for people's pain.

And that's absolutely essential.

It's a cornerstone of healing for there to be an unconditional support in whatever is present.

However,

I think it needs to be counterbalanced by what you could call masculine healing,

Which is in the same awareness,

In the same presence,

In the same attentiveness,

Which is just pure witnessing presence.

In there is also the masculine,

Which is much more immediate instead of patient.

It has a strong,

Fierce quality to it.

It has a penetrative and almost like confrontive quality,

Like I'm coming in now.

I'm here now.

You will not be harmed now.

And in the exact way in which the feminine is patient,

The masculine is immediate.

It's fierce.

It's very,

Very present.

And it doesn't tell a story and it doesn't take any time.

So the two stories are my client who has a very particular fear of memory loss.

There's a history of memory loss in their family and they're worried about memory loss in their elder years.

However,

They had recently visited a family member who's an elder who has both short and long-term memory loss and discovered that directly,

That their fear about that memory loss just isn't real,

That they had a lovely time with his family member,

A lot of fun.

And in fact,

When this family member forgot and remembered it was their own birthday 10 times in one day,

Each time they remembered or were told it was a delight to recover it.

And so they had this direct experience of like,

Oh,

It isn't what I think.

It actually was very different.

And maybe that's the case for my own fear.

So they were willing to look right at the,

What you could call a victim story that's playing a violin about memory loss and the family and that they need to take their fish oil and this one had it and this one had it.

And what if it happens to me?

And oh gosh,

I'll lose this and this and this.

But we did the same thing we did in looking at their experience with their family member.

We were fierce about it.

So we took awareness and we looked right at it,

Look right at this fear and imagining the worst case in their own life in their elder years.

And they could see it's the same thing.

There's no actual problem there.

However,

That victim story,

Those violins still played in the background.

And so we took that same fierce presence and we gave it to this wounded kid basically,

Who is still looking for attention through the victim story.

And this is,

For this client,

There's a fear of losing their mind because they're so identified with their mind and that's where they think their value is.

And so that's actually a kid in their system who is afraid deep in the gut of not having any attention,

Of being abandoned if they don't have their mind.

And so we took that same fierce attention and it was like very immediately instead of prolonging it,

Instead of giving any more attention to that victim story,

Which is kind of the mother way,

We took the father and we said,

Let's go right into that grip in the gut.

And this is basically what I've been doing with other friends and clients.

I've been using the analogy of like going into a burning building,

Like a big burly firefighter,

Where there's a clench in your gut from the scared kid who's afraid of memory loss or of anything else.

And instead of like a mom would be,

You know,

Tell me your story,

Sweetheart,

Come sit on my lap.

You're like the father who would just go grab them out of the burning building.

And so this other friend of mine had a wound in their sacrum that they know,

That they know has been there their whole adult life.

And they had the story that they're working on it,

That they're working on it,

You know,

When they're in the bath,

That they're working on it,

Just in general,

They're bringing awareness there.

They're being really loving to it.

They're asking it if it needs anything.

It's very maternal and loving and beautiful.

And I was saying to them,

Stop,

Stop giving it any more time.

Imagine your sacrum is a burning building.

Go in and get this kid.

Go right in.

You don't have any more time.

This is an immediacy to it.

It's a burning building.

This kid needs attention now,

Just in the way that a father wouldn't wouldn't have a conversation,

Would just go pick up that kid.

And there was a little bit of an argument because there's such a fear of losing that attention that's also needed,

Which is that maternal attention,

That patient attention.

But that patient attention has been prolonging actual healing.

And so I said,

Let's get fierce with this and go in now.

It's a burning building,

Go in now.

And so I've noticed that I need that for myself.

And many of us need this.

We're missing what you could call the divine masculine,

The strong masculine,

The masculine aspect of our very selves,

Of awareness itself.

And it has an immediate,

Fierce,

Penetrative,

And take no prisoners quality to it.

And all of the wounds,

All of the pain,

All of the grip,

All of the stuff in your body and in your system needs this.

It needs somebody to go in to that burning building.

And the pain itself is the fire.

It's saying,

Please pay attention here.

And for now,

My challenge is don't go into your story about it.

Don't prolong it.

You might have had enough gentleness and fierceness is really what you're missing.

You can actually feel that for yourself.

You'll know if these words ring a bell,

Like,

Yeah,

I actually need to get fierce.

I need to bring that quality out of awareness,

Which again,

Is always right here and bring that right into that spot that I've been ignoring and I've been prolonging.

Tell me what happens.

I'm really curious.

Reviews

Great talk, yes, sometimes we have to roll up our sleeves and get things done! This give me an example that I can relate to, thank you.

Gotta try it! ❤️🙏🌻

Yes, it rings a bell. Thank you 🙏

This resonated SO much. I have the VERY same fear r/t memory loss. Going through it with my mother currently. I'll be listening repeatedly to continue to allow the fierce healer into my awareness. Thank you for this insight! 🙏🏼