Moving From Fear To Love - Live Event

We’re all human, and it’s normal to get triggered and reactive when we’re afraid. Fortunately, we can train our brains to pause, breathe, and respond with wise action.

This live recording is chock-full of tools for working with painful thoughts and emotions so you can take an action that’s grounded in love instead of fear.

We begin with a 2-minute “head-body-heart” micropractice, and I share a story about how I responded to getting triggered at my nonprofit. Then we do an 18-min minute meditation.

In this meditation, we practice a helpful technique that I’ve taught to food bank staff: Stop - Breathe - Notice - Reflect - Respond (SBNRR).

I’d love to hear how you experienced this micropractice, quick story, and guided meditation - please comment and let me know!

Transcript

I'd love to invite you to try out a tool.

It's called Head Body Heart.

So on the first breath that you take next,

Check in with your head,

Noticing what thoughts are here.

On the next breath,

Checking in with the body,

Noticing what sensations are here.

And on the last breath,

Checking in with the heart,

Perhaps even placing a hand on the heart if you'd like.

Noticing what emotions are here.

All emotions welcome.

I invite you to set an intention for this time together.

What feels important now.

Taking a collective loving breath in,

Opening your eyes at your own pace.

Thanks for practicing that with me.

I love that Head Body Heart check-in.

It's something that I do throughout my day and it helps me move from being on autopilot,

As we often are,

To being aware.

So today I chose this theme of moving from fear to love because when I think about what feels really important to me in life,

It is love.

It is connection.

It is compassion.

And we live in a really wild,

Disconnected world that feels very distracting at a lot of times.

And we also are all human beings that deserve love and connection.

And I find that so often there's this underbelly of fear that runs me.

And if I don't pay so much attention to it,

It can really get in the way of me living into my purpose of supporting my own well-being,

Of interrupting bias,

And really leaning into courage and vulnerability.

So I really wanted to bring this theme today.

I find that whatever I'm working with,

I need this time as well.

And I also welcome ideas for the future of themes that you would want to hear.

Something I've been noticing over the past couple weeks is how amazing it feels when I do take that pause and notice when I'm in a state of activation or reactivity,

When I notice how I'm feeling with mindfulness,

And offer self-compassion to myself,

And then take action.

So I don't know about you all.

I'm not a fan of this common advice of just,

Like,

Just do it.

Just suck it up and get it done.

And I think that oftentimes action,

You know,

We need it.

And we don't always feel like doing the thing,

Right?

And so if we always listen to how we feel,

We might not get a whole lot done if we use that to not do anything.

And I think it's really powerful when we combine mindful awareness with self-compassion,

Or whatever is here,

And then use that information to wisely take action.

So I had a recent occurrence at work where I got triggered by something that somebody said to me.

And without sharing the content,

My mind went bonkers.

And it's called amygdala hijack,

Where you really can't think because you're in flight fight freeze mode.

And I made up this story in my head of,

This person doesn't trust me.

And I noticed my hands sweating,

And my heart beating really fast,

And my brain was racing a mile a minute.

Oftentimes when I'm in fear,

I'm taken out of the present moment.

We all are,

Really.

We're trying to predict what's gonna happen with a crystal ball,

Or control the situation,

And oftentimes that leads us to to disconnect.

And it's natural for the brain to try to protect us,

Right?

And in that moment with this person,

It was really important to me to be able to lean into our relationship and curiosity,

Rather than fear.

So the practice I'm gonna allow you all to experience with me is a longer extended version of what you can do in just a few minutes,

Or less,

Really.

If you'd like to do this practice while moving,

Maybe you've had a long day and your body needs some movement,

Feel free.

Or you're welcome to sit,

Stand,

Lay down.

All right,

When you're ready,

Feel free to settle in.

Close your eyes or not.

If you're sitting,

You might imagine that there is a stack of pearls running along your spine,

Allowing you to be upright and alert.

Finding that beautiful breath again.

Feeling sensations of breathing cool air in and warm air out.

I also welcome you just to listen to sounds.

It's up to you whether you want to spend time focusing on the body or not.

And know that during this practice,

It's all an invitation.

You're welcome to choose your own adventure,

To dip in and out of the practice.

I encourage you to take care of yourself,

Dear one.

Notice the face,

See if there's anything that can be softened.

Perhaps opening the jaw a little bit and relaxing it.

Relaxing the neck and shoulders and the belly.

I'm going to share with you a practice with a very long acronym that I learned through Search Inside Yourself teacher training.

And it's called S-B-N-R-R.

And what that stands for is Stop,

Breathe,

Notice,

Reflect,

Respond.

This is a wonderful practice that you can do anytime you feel activated,

Reactive,

Maybe just feel a little bit off.

So I really like to do reflective practices like this that help me better understand what's happening in my mind,

Body,

And spirit,

And help me make a decision about how I want to show up in the world.

If you'd like,

You can choose an anchor point before we start S-B-N-R-R.

It's also,

You can remember it as somebody needs rest and relaxation,

Or somebody needs rock and roll,

Which doesn't make as much sense to me and still could work.

So find an anchor point,

A home base,

Perhaps that's the deep belly breaths.

You might like to even place your hand on your belly.

I find that really nourishing.

Or maybe there's another spot in your body that's calling for some attention that you can place a hand upon.

Other options besides the breath are listening,

Feeling the sensations of your feet on the ground.

I like to imagine there's a beautiful tree trunk growing from the soles of my feet down into the earth,

Rooting me into the present moment,

Offering a sense of being held.

Now I'll invite you,

If you'd like to practice this skill of noticing what's here,

Reflecting and responding,

To bring to mind something that's happening in your life right now that has a charge maybe on a scale of like 3 to 5 out of a window of 10.

We're not trying to pick the most hot item,

So pick something that feels maybe mildly annoying.

On average,

80% of humans thoughts are negative and when I first found that out,

It was kind of depressing.

And then when I realized that I don't have to believe these thoughts,

That I can decide whether this sentence in my mind is optional or something creative and wonderful I want to create with,

I didn't feel so hooked by my own normal brain patterns which are just often trying to keep us safe.

So I encourage you to bring to mind something that you want to work with for this next 10 minutes or so.

Once you have that in your mind,

Imagine that you're turning on a movie screen.

You're sitting in the audience and you're replaying that moment of ouch or that moment of annoyance,

Seeing what scene comes up,

If there's any images,

Noticing what thoughts are here.

It may be helpful to say to yourself,

I'm having the thought.

.

.

And then fill in the blank.

So for me,

When I was going through that stressful moment at work,

I said to myself,

I'm having the thought that they don't trust me.

Try it on for yourself if you'd like and notice if there's any difference when you say to yourself,

I'm having the thought or I'm aware that I'm having the thought.

What happens when you do that versus when you just think the thought and you're just in it,

Not observing it,

But just kind of believing it as if it were truth.

Sometimes it really helps me to get a bit of spaciousness when I become that watcher.

So noticing as you think about this situation,

What feelings are here in the body.

A great way to see what feelings are here can be to explore the sensations,

The felt sense,

Noticing where your mind is drawn to.

And it's okay if you can't easily feel or name the emotions.

You're not trying to get it here.

It's really a practice.

I'll just allow a moment of silence for you and if it ever becomes too strong,

Feel free to open your eyes or do what you need to do to take care.

Dropping out of the story and into the body,

Welcoming whatever sensations and feelings are here.

So we did some stop,

Breathe,

And notice.

And now we'll move into reflecting.

Something I like to do when I'm feeling really hooked by a thought that feels fearful is to see if I can try on another thought.

Something that still feels true.

It's just a bit more empowering.

So oftentimes the brain goes into victim,

Villain,

Or hero mode.

It's called the drama triangle when we're in a state of reactivity.

And it's perfectly fine if you want to just stay mad or stay annoyed.

You can decide if you want to continue to feel the feelings or if you want to shift.

We're not always ready so being compassionate to ourselves.

Do you want to shift and see what might be possible?

So just like we go shopping for a new pair of shoes and try them on and see if they fit our feet,

We can try on some other thoughts and notice how they feel in the body.

So for me some thoughts I might try on with my situation are maybe they do trust me.

So trying on the opposite of the initial thought,

The initial thing you were believing,

Which mine was they don't trust me.

Just notice if the opposite could feel true and more empowering.

Notice how that feels in the body and explore what other possibilities exist.

Is there something to learn here?

Is there a more generous guess I could take at the situation or where the other person might be coming from?

And if this is feeling hard,

Again offering so much love and self-compassion,

You're gonna know if you feel like shifting or not.

And if you don't,

That's okay too.

So the last step of Stop,

Breathe,

Notice,

Reflect,

Respond is to respond.

You might ask yourself what would be of service and see what wisdom that body and brain bring you.

What would love do now?

Taking some really deep breaths,

Perhaps sighing it out on the exhale,

Noticing how the body feels now,

Committing to anything that comes up for you.

Is there something that you want to take away?

A way that you can really respond with love.

It's never too late to revisit a situation with yourself or someone else.

Let's take a collective breath together,

Becoming aware that you're not alone and there's lots of beautiful meditators here with you,

People committed to doing the work for a more peaceful world,

Offering yourself so much gratitude for showing up.

You could be so many places right now and I'm honored that you took the time to be here.

As we close this practice,

I invite you to breathe in love or anything else that you want to breathe in that feels supportive and breathe out gratitude or any other wishes that you'd like to offer everyone in this space.

Opening the eyes for a moment,

Breathing in love,

Breathing out gratitude,

Closing the eyes,

Breathing in love,

Breathing out gratitude,

Closing this practice with so much love for yourself and opening your eyes when you're ready.

Thanks again for practicing,

Friends.