Who Is Responsible?

Do you take on too much responsibility? If you see someone in need, do you feel responsible for them?
Or,
Do you step back from responsibility? Do you stay quiet when someone needs your support? Do you wait for someone else to step up?
In this podcast, I will share with you some of the reasons why we take on too much responsibility or not enough, and how this imbalance is creating suffering in our lives and for those around us.

Transcript

Hello everyone.

Welcome to my podcast.

My name is Karen Lang.

I am an energy healer,

A mentor and a meditation teacher.

Today's topic will be on responsibility.

Out of all the issues that come up for my clients in my mentoring and The topic of responsibility is always addressed and when this is not balanced within us can be a major cause of our suffering.

Responsibility is a fundamental aspect of living a fulfilling and purposeful life.

When balanced it is the ability to make the decisions and take actions that align with our truth and our authentic nature.

So please take a moment to look back at your childhood.

Try to remember the members of your family and you who either took on responsibility for others or who were the ones who sat back and let others do this for them.

I'm sure this is all familiar with each and every one of you but neither is better than the other.

In fact both hold the same belief and fear and that is that they are not enough.

But first it is essential we understand which role we accepted as children growing up and how this is playing out in our lives now.

As children we all had experiences that created a belief system about who we were and in doing so created the life we now experience today.

But often it's not until we have a relationship breakdown or that we are suffering in life that we take the time to question what burdens,

Beliefs or behaviours am I carrying that are not ours.

For example growing up you have had a mother or father who was not present to you or your needs and over time you learned that you could not trust they would be there for you and so after being let down again and again you decide that in order to survive you need to step up,

Take control and learn to do it alone.

But more importantly we also make this decision simply to avoid feeling abandoned and rejected again.

Often as children we are praised for this independence and the ability to get things done without support but in doing so the child learns this is how they will receive the attention and the validation they are seeking.

As these children move into adulthood they unconsciously attract partners,

Work colleagues and friends that mirror this belief and so the cycle continues that they must take responsibility for others in order to receive what they need.

However in the end this is not sustainable.

Taking on this type of responsibility for others simply leaves no time for us to take care of our needs and what we want and this can lead to resentment,

Exhaustion and physical suffering.

There is a great story that reflects this.

There was a man who spent hours watching a butterfly struggling to emerge from its cocoon.

It managed to make a small hole but its body was too large to get through.

After a long struggle it appeared to be exhausted and remained absolutely still.

Feeling compassion for this caterpillar in the cocoon the man decided to help it and with a pair of scissors he cut open the cocoon and thus releasing the butterfly.

But the butterfly's body was very small,

Wrinkled and its wings were crumbled.

The man continued to watch the emerging butterfly hoping that at any moment it would open its wings and fly away but nothing happened.

In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its brief life dragging around its shrunken body and shriveled wings incapable of flight.

What the man out of his eagerness to help and not wanting the caterpillar to suffer had failed to understand was that the tight cocoon and the efforts that the merging butterfly had to make in order to squeeze out the tiny hole was nature's way of training the butterfly and the strengthening its wings and resilience.

This story is a great example of what can happen when we take on another person's issues or problems that is not ours to take on.

It not only affects our life but in turn limits the resilience and strength needed for others to grow and expand into their freedom.

Taking on this responsibility for others can also be blurred especially when we are doing this for our children or a family member simply because we never want them to suffer or be uncomfortable.

But as we know this is not what builds confidence,

Resilience and strength to move into the challenges that we all face in life.

And so what about the people who do not take responsibility for themselves or others?

Often these are children who either had an event where they took responsibility for something and were continually criticized or perhaps they took responsibility for someone and there was a tragedy and they thought they could never do that again.

Or perhaps you had helicopter parents who never let you step out of your comfort zone,

Make mistakes or persevere through your challenges which often leaves the child feeling unable to succeed and creates a lack of confidence to step up and face the challenges that life gives us.

Often these children grow up being told they are lazy,

Apathetic or seem to avoid taking any responsibility.

But it's important to note they are not doing this consciously but rather from a trauma response that they will fail,

That they are not good enough or they are not capable to achieve the goals set up for them.

As the ones who take too much responsibility these also attracting people who want to take responsibility for them.

And in the end when people give up it just seems easier to let others do everything for them,

To avoid conflict or to face the challenges and the feelings that arise when they are challenged.

So how do we begin to change and heal this story that we hold within?

Firstly it's important that we take the time to observe our actions,

Thoughts and behaviors about responsibility.

So grab a journal or a piece of paper.

We'll first do a reflecting question on those who feel they take on too much responsibility.

Create some room for stillness,

Take some deep breaths in and out,

Relax your body,

Let everything go.

Then when you are ready make a list of all the things that you believe you are responsible for.

At the end of each responsibility you can ask yourself is this my responsibility?

Answer honestly.

The next question is who took responsibility for my needs growing up?

How did that make me feel?

The next question you can ask what fears or anxiety arise in me if I see others suffer?

Why is this?

What memories can you see from the past that could create this anxiety about others suffering?

What reward did I receive for taking on the responsibility of others?

Then on another page you can ask what is the first thing I do when I need something?

Do I take the time to listen to my needs and nurture them?

Who looks after my health,

My needs when I am sick?

Do I give this to others?

Do I suffer because I ignore my needs?

Do not rush the answers to these questions.

You can perhaps take it over a few days or when you feel like you are ready.

Be very patient and kind to yourself because often these are stories that we haven't looked at before and these questions can trigger feelings in us or perhaps the original wound in us.

So be very kind and gentle as you ask these questions and always seek support if you need it while you're doing it.

So now we'll do a question and meditation for those who feel they cannot take responsibility for themselves or others.

So grab a journal or a piece of paper,

Create some room for stillness,

Take some deep breaths in and out,

Relax your mind,

Relax your body and let everything go.

Make a list of all the things that others take responsibility for you.

At the end of each responsibility ask yourself are they responsible for this?

How do I feel when someone else takes away my responsibility?

How do others respond to me when I don't take responsibility for the things I need to?

Who took responsibility for me growing up?

Who takes responsibility for me now?

Then on another page you can ask how do I feel when people say I am irresponsible?

What fears or anxiety arise in me if I am asked to do more than I'm presently doing?

Do I take the time to listen to my needs and understand where and how I can step up and do more?

Am I suffering because of this?

Please note this time in stillness and observing and questioning is not a time for judgment but rather a time to reflect and observe honestly what is going on in your life.

What feelings arise in you when you ask these questions?

What beliefs and thoughts are you carrying that take your energy away from doing the things you love?

What behaviors are you holding on to that prevent you from giving and receiving freely?

Especially from those we love and hold close.

How are these patterns creating suffering or health issues in you?

When we take the time to be present to our feelings and our thoughts each day we open our hearts and intuition and can begin to step towards the change that we want in our day and day-to-day experiences.

All the changes we want to see in our outside world begins within us and once we know this deeply and start a commitment to heal ourselves we can empower ourselves to create the life we have always wanted.

And of course again if you need support or counseling after asking these questions do not hesitate to seek this for yourself.

The questions and the journaling that I use today are actually from my book Moving Moments and at the end of each chapter I offer a worksheet for you to reflect on and complete.

I hope this podcast has helped you today and opened your heart to listen deeply to find the stories and the burdens that keep you from living fully in your authentic nature and truth.

Be patient as you learn about who you are really and know that you are never alone.

I love to hear from you so please let me know how this has helped in the comments or contact me at karenlangauthor.

Com.

In gratitude and love,

Karen