Hi everyone and welcome to my meditations and insights.
My name is Karen Lang.
One of the most difficult emotions we can carry through life is our guilt.
Guilt is an overwhelming emotion that clings to the unconscious beliefs that we deserve to be punished for something that we did or didn't do.
After the shock of any experience in life,
Our memory can deceive us and our thoughts can haunt us about what we didn't do at the time or what we could have done differently.
I had these feelings for many years after the death of our nine year old son.
He was hit by a car and had irreversible brain damage.
For us,
The death was sudden and the loss was overwhelming.
However,
As I started to download this tragedy,
I started to realize and become aware of all the things that I didn't do for him when he was alive.
Guilt is the stories that we create that are never based on truth.
Guilt is a thousand voices,
All of them lies.
When I was carrying guilt for my nine year old son,
My sister said to me one day,
Several years after his death,
Why are you still carrying this burden?
She said,
It's like you are carrying a heavy backpack on your shoulders and all you have to do to release this is to forgive yourself and give yourself permission to let go.
With her words,
I began to cry as I allowed myself to feel this heaviness of my guilt that I have carried since he died.
As I sat and accepted these emotions,
I took several deep breaths in and out.
I placed my hand on my heart and I forgave myself for the first time for all the stories that I had been holding for our son and the unforgiveness that I had allowed.
After breathing out these heavy emotions,
The burden that I had carried lifted was like I was a caged bird and finally I allow myself to be set free only to discover that the door was always open.
Don't allow guilt to keep you trapped in this cage.
Give yourself permission to let go of the stories from the past and the freedom to walk into your future.
Deep down,
We all know that our loved ones who have passed or are still with us would never want us to carry this burden and so we must question ourselves why we are.
What purpose does guilt have in our life except for punishment?
The beauty of life is while we cannot undo what is done,
We can see it,
Understand it,
Learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret,
Fear,
Guilt or anger but in wisdom,
Understanding and love.
The only reason I didn't do the things I believed I should have done while my son was alive was because I wasn't present in those years.
I was busy with my stories and with life and I had to accept that I definitely missed moments and made mistakes along the way.
In being human,
We must remember that we all make mistakes but the beauty in this is that we can learn from them and stop repeating the pattern that keeps us carrying this burden.
The greatest gift that I could give my son was to forgive myself and to practice being present every day,
To practice seeing the signs that allow me to make better decisions in life and in doing so,
Carry less regrets.
No amount of guilt or punishment that I held for myself changed the future and so when I decided to let it go,
I was able to create more space to love not only myself but to my living family.
If you would like to join me in this meditation now,
It may help guide you out of this story you are holding for yourself.
Find a quiet still place inside or outside.
Place your hands on the ground,
Feel the earth underneath them,
Underneath your legs and the base of your spine.
Say to yourself,
I am here,
Remember to be present during this process.
Take some long deep breaths in and out.
Continue to do this until you start to feel your body relax,
Your shoulders soften,
Your brow,
Your jaw.
Keep focusing on your breath and letting go with each out breath.
Take another deep breath in and ask yourself,
Do I want to carry this guilt around inside of me anymore?
Tune in and feel where this guilt is being held in your body.
Sometimes it can be in our abdomen,
In our heart,
In our shoulders.
Place your hand on the part of your body where you feel this contraction or tightness.
Feel this energy without judgment.
Just allow it to be here,
Accepted and loved in this moment.
Take another deep breath in and breathe out this energy back into the earth.
And when you are ready,
Say,
I release this heavy energy of guilt in my body.
I forgive myself for all the harms both real and imagined,
Known or unknown.
I give myself permission to let go of this story that I'm carrying for another.
Feel free to say their name as if they're in the room.
If you feel emotional,
Just keep breathing out this energy slowly in,
Slowly out back into the earth,
Allowing mother earth to take this from you.
Ask your well ancestors,
Your angels and your guides to be with you now and help heal this part of your body and this story you have held.
You are the only one who can give yourself permission to let go.
I want you to visualize a cloud of light above you beaming in bright energy and allow your crown chakra to open and visualize this cleansing light field energy to come through your crown and down through every part of your body.
Keep breathing in this light field energy,
Allowing it to move the way the heaviness that you have carried.
Allow this energy to heal you deeply.
Let it move through the bottom of your base chakra and down your legs.
Keep breathing in and out this beautiful energy.
From the top of your head,
Do a scan of your body again and just check in and see whether you have released this deeply.
If not,
Do another cleansing ritual of the light coming through the top of your head and down again.
You are always supported and loved in these moments of healing.
Always welcome in your well and healthy ancestors and guides and ask them for their wisdom and guidance in difficult times.
Place your hands back on the earth again or the room that you're in.
Take a deep breath in and remember you are back here now.
You have allowed this beautiful deep release.
You have allowed yourself to begin healing this wound.
In this few minutes left is a wonderful time to journal any feelings or understandings you have discovered.
Allow yourself some space to nurture and to keep breathing and calming your energy.
I'll end with a beautiful poem by William Stafford called An Oregon Message.
Next time what I do is look at the earth before saying anything.
I'd stop just before going into a house and be an emperor for a minute and listen better to the wind or to the air being still.
Can anyone talk to me whether there's blame or praise or just passing time?
I'd watch the face,
How the mouth has to work and see any strain,
Any sign of what lifted the voice.
And for all I'd know more,
The earth bracing itself and soaring,
The air finding every leaf and feather over forest and water.
And for every person,
The body glowing inside the clothes like a light.
Thank you so much for joining me.
May you always be kind and compassionate to your needs.
Namaste.
Namaste.
