Inner Affirmations Using mindfulness to connect to your inner wisdom Written and narrated by Catherine A.
Chestnut Copyright 2021 Published by LNAL Life LLC DBA Catherine Chestnut Dedicated to my daughter Asha Introduction I woke up in the hospital on Thanksgiving morning in 2017.
I had no idea how I'd gotten there.
Well,
I knew logically why I wound up in the psychiatric ward the night before.
It's because I'd been heading for rock bottom and made a slight detour.
But I still wondered that morning,
Once my brain shifted into gear,
How the hell I'd come to this place.
And I wondered how I'd get myself out of this place.
I knew one thing deep down.
I had to start helping myself.
Yes,
I'd been in couples and individual therapy for years.
I was maintaining certain aspects of my life pretty successfully,
Even holding several jobs at once.
I'd also been crying every day,
More than once a day,
For the prior six years.
I was so tense and wound so tightly out of fear that I dreaded the question,
How are you?
I knew I would completely break down in front of the person asking the question.
I avoided my family and friends.
I had to get out of the hole I was in.
But how?
I wasn't even sure how I'd gotten here after all.
Before panic started to set in,
I felt the slightest sense of relief when I suddenly realized I already had a powerful tool at my fingertips.
I found some paper and managed to get a pen.
And I started writing.
Tears are words that need to be written.
Palo Coelho.
This book,
Inner Affirmations,
Has been in the works for more than a decade now.
After many friends and my therapist encouraged me,
I knew it was time to write and publish the damn thing.
Inner Affirmations didn't start out as an idea for a book or even a full idea.
It started when I set out to heal my self-doubt.
I never doubted my business abilities.
When it came to my career,
I had excelled and advanced at whatever I put my mind to do.
I was sure of my skills and my ability to learn new ones.
The thing was,
Deep down,
I doubted my ability to trust myself.
Specifically,
When something didn't feel right.
So many times in my personal life,
There was a little whisper inside of me.
It kept me alert and on edge.
I started to live with the sense that there was something off.
Instead of addressing my discomfort in the situation or the relationship,
I wondered what was bothering me so much and promptly shrugged it off.
I didn't listen to those whispers.
This distrust of my instincts attracted those who would sense and exploit my weakness.
It's how I found myself in a mentally,
Emotionally,
And sexually abusive marriage to a covert narcissist for over a decade.
I became overwhelmed by self-doubt and filled with shame as my situation grew more and more dire over the years.
Too often,
I reasoned my way out of my fears.
I'd completely stopped listening to my own instincts.
I was drowning in this self-doubt.
It weighed me down and made me feel trapped.
I did remember my journaling habit at times.
I had created and used a specific method for writing that I later called my inner affirmations method.
It was always present in the back of my mind.
I still knew its structure and ritual,
Along with its value.
But during this marriage,
I hadn't really used my process for journaling.
My spouse mocked it as illogical and new age.
So my journaling habit went on the back burner for a while.
For more than a few years,
Actually.
