Meditation On The Circle Of Control

All of us sometimes struggle with difficult thoughts. Thoughts that plague us, that make us worry or be upset. In this meditation, I talk about a concept that tries to get at the root of why we have pesky thoughts. And about how to get a jump on those thoughts by using the Circle of Control.

I hope you'll join me.

Music by Chris Collins. #71

Transcript

Welcome,

And I hope that each one of you will come to find peace within yourself.

In a live session recently,

I talked about dealing with difficult thoughts.

Thoughts that plague us,

Make us worry or be upset.

So today,

I want to talk about something that tries to get to the root of why we have pesky thoughts,

About getting a jump on your thoughts.

I want to talk about the circle of control.

Imagine a bullseye with three circles.

The circle of concern,

The circle of influence,

And the circle of control.

Three concentric circles of different sizes,

Embedded within each other.

The smallest circle at the center is the circle of control,

Representing aspects of our life over which we have direct control.

It is the sphere where we can effect change.

The circle of control symbolizes the areas where we can take meaningful action and make a positive difference in our lives.

This is the circle where we have power.

Most philosophers and psychologists agree that this area encompasses our inner lives,

Our thoughts,

Beliefs,

Emotions,

Interpretations,

And judgments of external events.

And we should try to focus most of our attention and energy and resources on this region.

The second,

Slightly larger circle,

Is the circle of influence,

Representing the intersection of factors within our immediate control and those that fall outside of our area of control.

It's quite literally a gray zone.

We may or may not have the power to expand our influence into this region to create change.

But we can certainly try.

It is wise to spend some of our energy in this sphere,

Bearing in mind that we can control our efforts,

But not necessarily the outcomes.

And lastly,

The third and largest,

The outermost circle,

Represents the circle of concern.

The circle of concern encompasses a broader range of external factors,

Challenges,

And circumstances that we may care about,

But which we clearly are beyond our control.

This circle includes things like the economy,

The climate,

The weather,

But it also covers most of the actions,

Reactions,

Behaviors,

And feelings of other people.

You heard me say before that we cannot control the world around us,

But we can control our reactions to it.

Studies have shown that people who focus on the circle of control,

That smallest circle in the very center,

Are more likely to be resilient in the face of stress and adversity.

Studies have found that the circle of control is a useful cognitive tool for individuals to manage their emotional reactions to stressful situations.

The Buddha said,

To enjoy good health,

To bring true happiness to one's family,

To bring peace to all,

One must first discipline and control one's own mind.

If a man can control his mind,

He can find the way to enlightenment,

And all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

Close your eyes now,

And let's start to get in touch with our breath.

As always,

It doesn't matter if you're sitting down,

Lying,

Or standing,

Or sitting in your most comfortable recliner.

The only thing that matters when you meditate is that you're comfortable and alert.

Now first let's scan our body as we begin to relax.

Unfurrow your brow,

Unclench your jaw,

Relax your face.

Relax your neck and your shoulders.

Maybe shrug your shoulders and let them drop,

And roll your neck around in a circle.

Relax any tension in your chest or belly,

And feel yourself getting a little heavier with each breath.

Relax your legs and your feet,

And as you begin to relax,

Let's focus even more on our breath.

Our breath is like a river as it flows in and flows out.

Just inhale slowly,

And gently exhale.

Don't force anything.

Notice where you feel your breath,

Maybe a cool sensation in your nose as the breath flows in,

And the movement of your chest and belly as the breath flows out.

We're just breathing,

Breathing in and breathing out,

One breath at a time.

Just continue to follow your breath,

Continue to relax,

And listen to the sound of my voice.

Right now I just want to focus on that circle of control.

We can,

To a certain extent at least,

Try to control our thoughts and judgments and interpretations and emotions.

But most of all,

We can control how we react to outside forces.

For an example,

You can't control getting sick,

But you can control how you respond to it.

I've given the example of when I had stroke,

I couldn't take back the stroke,

That damage was there,

But I could control how I reacted to it,

How I responded to it.

Another example is applying for a job.

You cannot control how good the other candidates are,

Or how apt of a fit you are for the position,

Or ultimately whether or not you get the job.

And worrying about that outcome will make anyone anxious.

And by accepting that the outcome is outside of your control,

You can let go of that worry and simply focus on doing your very best in preparing for and performing at the interview.

We have to learn to focus on the things that we actually have some control over,

And we also have to be grateful for all that we have.

When you feel anxious or start getting worried over external events,

You can simply change your mindset to focus on the things within your control,

Within that center circle.

You have already learned that things beyond your control are not worth brooding or worrying over.

And when you feel overwhelmed,

You can start identifying your focus and priorities in life that will allow you to stay focused on what's important to you and remind you why you should maintain a mental balance.

And when anything unplanned happens,

Such as a pandemic,

Simply focus on what you can influence and control.

You can't control the pandemic,

But you can control things like wearing a mask,

Getting tested,

Maintaining distance,

Getting vaccinated,

And so on.

And we're just breathing,

Breathing in and breathing out,

One breath at a time.

Now as we continue to breathe,

Let's expand our awareness beyond your breath.

Wherever you're at,

Notice if there's any sounds.

Notice any sensations that you feel through your skin and the area where you're sitting or standing or lying down.

Notice if you smell anything in the air,

Maybe some bacon from breakfast or some coffee.

And allow everything to be just as it is without resistance.

Now if you feel like you want to,

Let's say an affirmation.

Let's say a few positive affirmations to boost up our day.

You can repeat these silently or out loud and just follow me.

I am calm.

I am calm.

I am centered.

I am centered.

And I am capable of handling difficult thoughts.

Now as we come to a close,

Open your eyes and come back into the room.

Wiggle your fingers and stretch and feel how good it is to be alive.

How good it is to be in this moment.

We all have difficult thoughts.

We all face difficult circumstances.

But we can make our life so much better if we can learn to focus on that circle of control.

That circle of things that we actually have some power over.

We'd love to have you in our group here on Insight Timer.

Just search for Meditation with Michael.

I hope this has been a beneficial and calming session.

You can have control in your life by learning to focus on the things where you actually have some measure of control.

Till next time.

Reviews

Very inspiring on what to focus on in life. Thank you.