I was having a hard time meditating.
My mind would become extremely busy as soon as I sat down and tried to calm my mind.
I tried a guided meditation and I was so tired of trying that I just sat there with my eyes open,
Listening to the words.
And it was a mindfulness meditation.
And I couldn't really tune into what the teacher was saying,
But I did just become aware of my busy mind without pushing it away,
Without wishing it wasn't as busy.
I just listened and kind of allowed it to be because I was just tired that day after day it was here and I was fighting it and then I was disappointed and so I just finally gave in.
And I let my busy mind be busy and all the thoughts of things that happened that need to happen that never happened played in my mind and I just watched it happen.
My eyes kind of just glaring aimlessly across the room.
I just sat there giving myself time,
Graciousness,
Compassion.
Maybe for the first time in a few days.
Maybe longer.
I let my body take up the space it took up.
Not wishing it was taking up any less space.
I just let it be.
And that tension in my body,
The emotions,
I just let them be too.
Of course I want relaxation and ease and peace to come through my body,
But right now I just let the tension be.
I felt it and I let it just be and exist in the places in my body where they wanted to be,
Where they just were.
The frustration,
The disappointment,
The tension,
I just felt it.
I allowed it to take up space in my body.
I didn't fight it.
I didn't try to let it go.
I didn't try to release it.
I just noticed it.
And I realized that in this moment,
This is how my life is showing up.
This is what my body looks like and this is what my mind is like and this is what my emotions are like.
This is what it is.
And instead of fighting it,
Instead of wishing it away,
I lit a candle and I called my life sacred because I know it is.
Because I'm choosing it to be.
And I wasn't trying to meditate.
I was just letting myself exist just the way that I am for just one second.
Without fighting,
Without pushing,
Without wishing it away.
It's honoring what is.
Because it is.
And the entire universe conspired for this moment.
Everything that has been before had to be to allow this moment to exist.
Everything.
From the Big Bang all through the billions of years to this point,
Everything between had to be so that you and I could be here right now feeling and being and existing and breathing.
And so let your crazy thoughts be.
Let your running busy mind be.
Let your body exist and take up space.
And let yourself feel whatever is arising.
Because even right now everything is still evolving.
We are still in the evolution process growing,
Expanding,
Changing and so this moment is temporary.
There will never be another moment like this and so just let it be.
Maybe even bless it.
Not because it's just the way you want it and because all the things are to your liking.
Just bless it by giving it space to exist.
Knowing that it's all part of the creation,
The manifestation,
The miracle of life.
It's right here before you.
Pulsating in every cell of your body.
That energy that created you in your mother's womb.
That mysterious energy that knew what to do and how to create every cell of your body and create organs and give you life and a heart to beat and lungs.
That energy is still within you and it's alive.
It didn't leave you when you emerged into this world.
It's within you.
It's still developing you with you,
Growing with you,
Pulsating.
It's so beautiful if only you could see it but you can only feel it.
You can feel it in the weight of your body,
Your head or your hips or your hands and the emotion in your throat or your belly,
The tingling of your toes or your eyes,
The heat in your nostrils,
The chill of your inhale and the beat of your heart.
You are alive,
Pulsating,
Evolving right now,
Right beneath your eyes.
So just stop for a second and notice how alive you are,
How aware you are,
How you feel,
Just for one second.
That's it.
That's all.
Thank you.
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