Break Free | Letting Go Of The Mask | Honest Reading
Words and music by Maura ten Hoopen. A reading about "the mask" from the book in progress: Break Free. This is a gentle invitation to reconnect with truth and authenticity. Enjoy a deeply honest reading and see what arises from within. Love, Maura
Transcript
Hello,
And thank you for being here today.
I will be reading chapter 1 from my book Break Free Live in Truth for you today,
And it's called The Mask.
Maybe all of us wear a mask in some way,
Shape or form,
But I believe some people wear theirs all the time,
In every situation,
Without even realizing they're wearing it.
Others are more aware,
They have multiple masks,
They consciously pick and choose depending on where they are or who they're with.
Some people keep their mask on even in intimate situations,
Holding back parts of themselves out of habit or fear,
While others have felt the freedom of being fully seen and slowly allow themselves to express more of who they really are.
I was definitely one of those people wearing a mask subconsciously,
Believing I was being authentic.
I truly thought I was this cute but cool girl.
The first woman to graduate from a well-known school for dance music production,
While DJing part-time and spending a huge amount of time in the gym,
Working on my physique.
Girls would walk up to me,
Asking how I got in shape.
Men often flirted with me,
In many situations.
Not because I was the prettiest,
My mask just showed something they wanted to see.
So why have I written a book about taking off the mask,
When that mask gave me everything I thought I wanted?
Well,
It gave me everything but freedom,
True love and happiness.
The attention I got from men wasn't real love,
It was flirtation,
Easily gone with the wind.
My mask attracted men with commitment issues,
Controlling traits or manipulative tendencies,
Because it was built on my own insecurities and issues.
And even when someone stayed,
I never felt truly seen.
The DJing started to affect my physical health,
In more ways than I expected.
The truth is,
I've always been more of a homebody,
Someone who needs lots of sleep,
Quiet and time alone to recharge.
But being a DJ meant working night hours,
Dealing with drunk people and trying to perform some version of myself that seemed to be a confident,
Extroverted dancing queen.
It felt so unnatural,
I ended up coping,
Like many do,
With alcohol.
And yes,
It worked for a while.
It helped me get through those nights,
It helped me give a good show.
Until I found myself being driven home in a police car.
More than once.
To this day,
I don't even remember why.
That was rock bottom to me.
I felt deeply embarrassed and I knew something had to change.
Continuing this way would destroy me,
Physically,
Emotionally,
Energetically.
So I made the choice to walk away.
I said goodbye to DJing and to the music industry as I knew it.
That might not sound like a big deal,
Especially since I wasn't anywhere close to famous.
It was just gigs in cafes around the city.
But I knew it would cost me.
I knew that if I let that version of myself go,
The validation I had been clinging to would vanish with it.
And it did.
Suddenly,
I was no longer the cool DJ and producer I had worked so hard to convince others and myself that I was.
But even as I left the DJ world behind,
I still clung to what was left of the image I had created.
I still had the body of a fitness instructor.
So I got a job working as one.
Teaching classes,
Doing personal training.
I felt strong,
Acknowledged and confident.
At least,
That's what I told myself.
But then,
I started getting sick.
After every workout,
I'd get a fever.
It would take me a full week to recover.
Doctors couldn't figure it out.
And it kept happening again and again.
Eventually,
I had to stop working altogether.
My body didn't just feel tired.
It felt completely broken.
All I could do was lay on the couch,
Take naps and eat unhealthy foods in an attempt to make myself feel better.
At some point,
A doctor who specialized in my symptoms told me I had chronic fatigue.
Partly caused by the Epstein-Barr virus,
Partly caused by chronic stress.
But then,
He said something I'll never forget.
You're living someone else's life.
And that hit me hard,
Because I knew he was right.
Since that moment,
I've been peeling off my mask,
Layer by layer.
I used to be super active,
Always taking on different kinds of jobs,
Using alcohol to cover up my insecurities,
Thinking I had to be famous in order to be loved.
Only to realize that deep down,
I'm actually a highly sensitive introvert.
Someone who loves alone time,
Quiet one-on-one moments with friends,
Deep conversations,
Staying at home in pajamas more often than not.
Of course,
It's more layered than that.
I still enjoy adventure,
But now it comes through travel and retreats.
Not to receive acknowledgement,
But simply to please myself.
Taking off my mask has meant losing almost everything.
My friends,
My relationship,
My work,
My sense of purpose,
My home.
But what I gained was a breath of fresh air,
A space to be who I choose to be,
To flow with what feels natural,
Effortless,
To discover the love I have for myself and for life.
It's been an intense journey,
I'm not gonna lie.
But if I could go back,
I'd take that mask off all over again,
Even if it meant being alone for a while.
Enough about me,
Because the truth is,
Most of us are living a life of adapting,
Sometimes even without realizing it.
We move through our days doing what we have to do,
What is expected of us,
Not often what we truly want to do.
Of course there are nuances,
Sometimes it's beautiful to do something for someone else,
Or to adapt in certain situations.
But that's not what I'm talking about here.
I'm talking about a deeper kind of hiding,
The one where we tuck away parts of ourselves,
Because they might be misunderstood,
Judged or even laughed at.
When you fully show up in your authenticity,
Your message becomes clearer,
It becomes easier for others to feel whether they resonate with you or not.
It means you're being honest with yourself,
And with them too.
And what's left is a community of people who truly see you,
Who see all of you as you are.
I've always been afraid to speak my mind,
And when I did I would soften everything.
I'd make my words vague,
Hoping to avoid offending or upsetting anyone.
But in doing that my words lost power,
They carried no real message,
No impact.
That doesn't mean we should be rude or shout whatever comes to mind.
You can speak your truth and still be respectful.
Do you really want people around who don't even know the real you?
People who are with you because you're always easy,
Quiet or pleasing?
People you call friends but when things get hard you don't know who to call because none of them know this side of you?
Or do you want people who see all of you and feel drawn to it?
People you can be fully yourself with without draining your energy by constantly holding back?
Yes,
There's always the risk that some people might be unkind or even rude.
But it also comes with the greatest gift.
Freedom.
It's liberating.
Truly.
Thank you so much for listening here.
I really hope you enjoyed this and soon I'll be sharing with you Chapter 2.
