Hello,
Dear listener,
And welcome.
I will be sharing with you Chapter 5,
Called Beyond the Image.
If you believe your worth depends on reaching a standard set by others,
It becomes almost impossible not to let that influence your choices.
For as long as I can remember,
I had this image in my mind.
Me standing on a stage,
A DJ,
A performer,
Someone in the spotlight.
As a child,
I could fantasize about it for hours.
But now,
Looking back,
I doubt if that was truly my desire,
Or if I just believed that being seen would make me worthy.
Worthy of love.
Worthy of attention.
Most of my life,
I made choices in search of admiration.
Without that,
I didn't feel special.
And if I wasn't special,
How could I ever earn love?
As a teenager,
I started performing as a singer-songwriter.
When it went well,
I felt amazing.
When it didn't,
I felt terrible.
After that chapter,
I moved into music production and became a part-time DJ,
Hoping this would finally be it.
The moment I would be seen.
But it wasn't joy I was coming from.
It was lack and desperation.
When things didn't work out,
I left the music world and became a fitness instructor instead.
I was already in the gym every day.
My body was strong.
And people actually appreciated my work,
My training,
And my coaching.
For the first time,
I felt truly valued.
Until I got sick.
Chronic fatigue took over.
My body started warning me every time I tried to push through.
And slowly,
The body I had worked so hard for started to fade.
And with it,
The image I had built also faded.
By now,
You probably see the pattern.
I kept chasing the same thing through different roles.
To feel worthy of love.
So then,
I started Restful Mind.
A business with my own meditation and hypnosis music.
I told myself,
This is finally it.
I love meditation.
I love healing sounds.
But again,
If I'm honest,
It wasn't pure.
Not fully.
It still came from that same craving.
To be seen.
To be admired.
To make it.
And under that kind of pressure,
It's hard to feel what your heart truly desires.
So after three years of struggling,
Restful Mind ended too.
Not because I didn't love it.
But because the intention behind it wasn't rooted in joy.
It was rooted in proving myself.
So when that image ended too,
I stood there.
Empty.
No job.
No plan.
And a question I had never truly asked myself before.
Who am I without the image?
What do I love without needing to impress anyone?
It took me 34 years to stop.
To truly stand still.
To get quiet enough.
To hear what I actually want.
Not what's impressive.
Not what sells.
Not what will make me feel good enough.
But what feels natural.
That's when I entered a period of almost complete isolation.
Eight months where I had to face every belief I had absorbed.
During that time,
All my old desires vanished.
Even music.
The only things that remained were silence.
Writing.
Meditation.
Simply being alone.
So I started a blog.
And I knew almost no one would read it.
But I didn't care.
I did it for me.
I wasn't performing anymore.
This wasn't about admiration.
This wasn't about being liked.
I even lost attention.
But I found freedom.
I had found something I would even do when no one saw it.
Even if it didn't bring me anything.
Just because it felt right.
That's when I learned real worthiness doesn't come from what you do.
It comes from who you are when no one is watching.
So I decided.
From now on,
I define what makes me worthy.
From now on,
I choose what value means to me.
Even if no one cheers me on.
Even if no one sees it.
Even when no one understands.
So here's what I invite you to do.
Let go of the image.
Let go of the roles.
Let go of what you think you're supposed to do.
And ask yourself.
What makes me feel alive?
What brings me joy even if no one sees it?
You might lose a few people along the way.
But what you gain is everything.
Self-respect.
Self-love.
Real joy.
And new people.
The right people.
Who love you for who you truly are.
Thank you for listening.
And I'll speak to you soon.
